Friday, November 20, 2009

DJ Hero? Oh please nobody bought that.

Disclaimer: This is at GottGame right now.


Wow Chris, another review already? It only took 3 weeks this time.

It’s DJ Hero, another quick cashgrab from the demons at Activision. Luckily the game sold poorly, but that doesn’t stop Bores from being an ignorant jackass.


Intro: He finally removed the Mario 2 footage from the theme. Maybe he reads this? Naaaah.

0:22: Pointless Happy Days reference with the DJ Hero controller. This is going to suck.


0:25 – 0:37: Bores points out the multiple “Hero” games Activision released in the last two months. He doesn’t seem to be bothered by this, I guess sell-outs appreciate the works of other whores.

He also calls Band Hero “Guitar Hero: Band Hero.” YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG! It’s not Batman: The Dark Knight, it’s not The Watchmen, it’s not Sonic Unleashed: The Hedgehog and Band Hero does not have the Guitar Hero moniker. That’s just stupid.


0:39: “They even created a new Guitar Hero accessory, the turntable.” That’s not a guitar you moron.


0:45 – 1:00: He explains that the game is just like GH only with record scratches and switches. Of course it’s much more complicated then that. He also points out the turntable works if you’re left-handed, and the point of mentioning this was?


1:17 – 1:26: Here he says he won’t bore us with the details (how thoughtful) but if you’ve played previous GH games then it should be easy. Really, because I played the Rock Band drums after mastering Guitar Hero on Expert. It doesn’t work like that.

I should point out he’s wearing a Pac-Man T-Shirt with a red jacket and headphones, Chris people aren’t stupid enough to think you’re a real DJ.


1:27 – 1:35: “Everything is customizable, you can unlock new venues, new characters…” Just like every other Guitar Hero/Rock Band game released in the last couple years.


1:36 – 1:41: “… and they added some nice eye candy, thank god for that.” Hey Chris, how is that break-up going? Also there’s a little invention called “The Internet” and there are many sites with “Eye Candy” available for free.


1:41 – 1:54: IG points out the ability to play guitar in some songs (notice how the guitar section is set to auto-play) but is pissed at the lack of drum support. It’s DJ Hero be glad you even got a guitar option. In fact that’s only available in ten remixes out of 94.


1:55 – 2:18: Here he whines that there are too many obscure songs that don’t get him moving. So when he gets a well-known song he does a little “spin” pretending he’s a DJ. Pointless.


2:18: “Another complaint I have is the game’s difficulty level” Here we go, let’s hear your bitching you twat.


2:22 – 2:40: His complaint here is that the difficulty is unbalanced (on the medium setting… okay) and how he can get 4-5 stars on some songs but some he can’t even get 2. Well that’s common in a lot of rhythm games. Where have you been?


2:40: *sighs* What follows could compete with “Call 911 I was ROBbed” for worst joke he’s ever told.

“I should be able to score more then 2 stars on Hollaback Girl. Damn, B-A-N-A-ass”

It hurts my soul so much.


The review ends saying the game isn’t for everyone but people that liked Guitar Hero will like this (no they won’t) and to be wary of the price tag.


And then… this “That’s pretty much it, Gamer Out” and the words “Irate Shady” with Eminem playing in the background. Never say Gamer Out again, and you’ll never be in the same league as Marshall Mathers.


Another video and surprise it’s another piece of crap. All I know is these Neo reviews provide more material for the parody creators and more fuel for his haters.


Now to wait for an actual review with poorly-acted sketches and overuse of Game Genie, I honestly can’t wait.

Stay Brutal my Readers.

46 comments:

  1. Hey Bores, thanks for reading my comment on your NEO intro. :P

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  2. At least that bit is good enough to appear in a new Third Rate Gamer video.

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  3. Eminem is an ass, but you're right, the Irate Gamer is way below an ass.

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  4. A better review of DJ Hero:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnPYHbuvh8o

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  5. I really can't wait for Bores to release a new Irate Gamer review.

    This Irate Gamer Neo videos are full of wrong facts and stupid jokes too, but c'mon! I want to see something as stupid as the Aladdin review or maybe even more!

    Please Bores, your haters would love it!

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  6. Oops, I meant to write "THESE Irate Gamer Neo reviews"

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  7. I agree with Mr. Lizard. His regular reviews are awful, but the stupidity is entertaining in an Ed Wood kind of way. His NEO reviews are boring as fuck.

    I want to see another IG video or even another history of gaming video so we can see more incorrect facts.

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  8. I have a fiendish idea to get Chris' fat ass off to review games and do it in the way we love to hate.

    If we pretend to be his 'fans' we could bombard him with emails requesting a game review and certain characters of his to join in.

    I say we email him to review terminator, I wonder if he will re-use the costume he had for that pointless ride of the Valkyries sequence he had in the light rifle review.

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  9. I'm wondering if his next Neo review is "New Super Mario Bros Wii"? I bet he'll do the following:

    1) Call the Toads "Toadstools".
    2) Complain that the controls on the Wii Re...., I mean "Wii Joystick", are hard to use.
    3) Of course complain about the difficulty and fall into a lot of pits.
    4) "Clone Himself" to demonstrate 4 Players.
    5) Calling the Penguin Suit "useless".
    6) I bet he'll name the Koopalings the same names as the one on the "SMB3" cartoon.

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  10. @fatoller
    Why don't we just have him review Dr. Jeckyl (sp) and Mr. Hyde and get it over with already?

    @vicviper592
    How would you know if Ingrate Gamer has even heard of the SMB3 cartoon? For all we know, he might just call them oddball characters like giant turtle on a ball, giant turtle with funny hair, and so on.

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  11. I did read in the comments of the GH: Van Halen video (YT version) that he has played NSMB Wii and "Loves It"
    I have yet to play the game but I've heard it was difficult. Knowing Bores he had to use Super-Guide multiple times.

    @damien:
    I think those bad 80s cartoons were the sources of his gaming knowledge. Mostly Captain N.
    Like in the Tetris review when Eggplant Wizard shows up for no reason. He was a character on the show.
    Or when he calls Mega Man and Simon Belmont Nintendo characters in the SSBB review, they were main characters on the show.
    It also doesn't help Captain N is garbage.

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  12. Don't know if you're gonna do the "stuff that I forgot" segment again, but I realized that Chris made a mistake with Mario Kart. He said that after Super Mario Kart EVERY Nintendo console got its own MK title, however GBC never got one, so that means another poorly done reaserach goes down the tubes.

    I'm always wondering, why does he include his HOV(G) series into his "retro review" section? Shouldn't it be like...individually as it is a different series? But then again, he is an idiot.
    Also, have you realized how bad his memory is? With the RE5 review he promised to review some fan request, but so far that was it. He also said he'd review Castlevania (thank god he hasn't).

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    Replies
    1. "Don't know if you're gonna do the "stuff that I forgot" segment again"

      I can't find his original Stuff I Forgot blog, maybe it was taken down before I got here.

      Delete
  13. Also, about MK Wii. He says that "just like before you can choose your car" which wasn't so with all the other MK games, don't know exactly, haven't played all of them.

    It sucks that I have nothin better to do but to find errors from his videos...

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  14. He says that the gameplay is radically different, then later states that nothing has changed. No word about unlockables, that you can do tricks to get a boost, that you can play with a Mii and about other basic things like different gamemodes and staff.

    My God! Why do I do this?

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  15. @BatDan:

    Don't forget IG called Pit "Kid Icarus" on his SSB Brawl review. Yeah, I'm under the impression Chris gets most of his facts on games and movies based on games.

    Reminds me of Sega Kid about 3 years ago, when he thought the MK movie canon was the same as the video game story.

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  16. @RemoveCarefully:
    He promised a lot of reviews. Like two years ago he said he'll review the NES Simpsons titles but we never saw those.

    You can select vehicles in Double Dash and DS after you unlock them. I remember you only got 2-3 karts in DS and playing through all the cups unlocked more.
    So for once he's right (shocking I know).

    He also neglected to mention online multiplayer in both MK Wii and Brawl. He's so devoid of friends he doesn't even know about Gamertags or Friend Codes.

    @vicviper
    Calling him "Kid Icarus" was really agitating. It's worse then the parts I mentioned since you can see his name ON THE SELECT SCREEN!

    Thank God I missed the bullshit of Sega Kid.

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  17. omg I just emailed the Irate Gamer asking him to review Terminator for the NES, here's how it went:

    Hi Mr Bores

    I am a big fan of yours and I would like you to make a review of The Terminator for the NES, that game was a piece of Diarrhoea Dickwaffles as you would say! and could you use the Genie Character or the Evil Gamer that would be super duper cool!

    Chris Toler, a fan (BTW my name is not chris)

    AND THE IRATE GAMER REPLIED!

    lol. thanks (sic), glad you enjoy. I'll see what I can do


    Well it wasn't much but it shows at least he listens to some of his 'fans', at least the ones which gush over him.

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  18. @BatDan
    Yeah, that much I got. I'm almost surprised that Irate Dickwad didn't bring up the Sacred Square in that Tetris video. That still doesn't mean he'd know about SMB3 cartoon - otherwise he would have mentioned it in his "Top 5 NES Games That Everyone Else Has Played But I'll Add Them To This List Because That Makes Me Hardcore, Bitchez!" video... or even mentioned the Super Show in SMB2 video.

    @RemoveCarefully
    Don't forget the good ol' monochrome brick Game Boy. That never got a Mario Kart either... and even though it was probably on its last legs, neither did the NES, since it was technically still active at the time of SMK's release (1992). Am I missing any?

    Virtual Boy?

    Ah yes, how could I forget that monstrosity? That never got a Mario Kart either... and thank goodness for that, I suppose.

    @fatoller
    I noticed you spelt "diarrhea" wrong... or was that intentional? If so, good show. If not, that's okay. I misspell lots of crap too.

    And I expect that "review" to come out in the year 2049.

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  19. @damien

    Actually, that's how we spell it in the UK, but either way it's a bloody difficult word to spell, mainly because I don't write it often.

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  20. @fattoler
    Damn my faulty memory - I'd forgotten the word is spelt two different ways. Sorry about that. Good thing Mr. Bores is aware of this... oh wait.

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  21. It's funny we're talking about Mario Kart since Super Mario Kart came out on the Virtual Console yesterday.
    And yes the NES was still going when SMK came out. 1992 brought us Dragon Warrior/Quest IV, Monster in my Pocket, TMNT III: The Manhattan Project, and a bunch of crap.

    @fattoler:
    According to his channel he doesn't respond to every PM and because of his busy life (pfft) he has other people do it.
    For all we know that's an automated response to people that suggest "You should review this."

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  22. @Batdan and Fattoler

    (This is how a starving-crazed fanboy would respond. Don't take it too seriously)
    Well, okay Mr. Fancy Pantsy Smarty Pants! If YOU think that the responce was an automated responce, I DARE YOU to request that he should review the GRADIUS SERIES!!! THAT'S RIGHT! THAT SERIES MAKES CONTRA LOOK LIKE SUPER MARIO BROS.! IT'S MORE DIFFICULT THAN CONTRA, IT'S MORE CHAOTIC THAN CONTRA, AND WORST OF ALL, IT IS INEVITABLE!!! BELEIVE ME, I'VE LOST IT! I'M TYPING IN ALL CAPS, BUT SERIOUSLY GO AHEAD AND DO IT!!! I FUCKING DARE YOU, YOU BATTY SNOO-PINGAS-USUAL CODEMONKEYS!!!

    Now if you feel that he shouldn't do a review of the Gradius games, I'd suggest not giving him any ideas about them. He hated Contra for the difficulty...
    The same can be said for Gradius.
    Please be gentle. :(

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  23. @anon

    I think you give Irate Gamer fanboys too much credit there by giving them the ability to spell

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  24. You're also giving them credit to knowing what Gradius is.
    If you notice all the requests in his comments are for very recent games, and that's not only the Neo videos. Showing that his fans are all 8-11 year old brats with 360s and Wiis they got as gifts.

    Plus most of their defenses include the following (with proper spelling):
    "If you don't like it don't watch it"
    "Don't leave negative comments waaah"
    "He's not a rip-off, AVGN never talked about this game."
    These are the most common.

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  25. The one thing I never get is how people can like both the Irate Gamer and AVGN, It's like being a Catholic and a Protestant

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  26. I just wonder how people can like IG at all.
    Ignoring that he steals from other reviewers and has little-to-no knowledge about video games, he's just boring to watch & listen to.

    I could drink 5 strong cups of coffee and his videos would still put me to sleep.

    He can't even act. His anger is always forced and even when he says he's angry it's obvious he's not.
    My favorite bit was the end of Mission Impossible where he says "I'm so pissed off my head is spinning" yet he sounded completely calm.

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  27. Thaks guys, for pointing out thing I forgot!

    About people liking IG, well it is inevitable. People are bound to have drastically different tastes in things. That is why they still make stupid spoof movies. Which in a way is ironical, because Chris' acting level is on par with the guys in Disaster Movie. I swear, every timehe does his "sigh" or "that was a close one" expressions, I am ashamed. I am truly ashamed to be looking like that. So far, the worst moment of these has been in TMNT - the "what a piece of cowabunga shieed". That was so embarrasing to watch...

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  28. I like IG because he puts me to sleep. It's even better than Borian.

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  29. @RemoveCarefully

    I felt so... dirty when I watched IG's DJ hero, especially at the end, 'IRATE Shady' it was like my soul got punched or something.

    In fact I think after that he SHOULD call his show 'Yo IRATE Gamer'

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  30. @Batdan and Fattoler

    Okay, I went over the top with that one, but than again, why did he make these videos about Contra? Or the SNES Aladdin, or ZAMN, or Tetris?

    He was asking for all kinds of attention, whether it would be favorable from his stupid fanboys or hateful from all us gamers who know better and fear that those who love him would beleive every lie he tells 'em.

    I appreciate the existence of the Gradius series, despite its jaw-dropping difficulty, and I just know that Irate Lamer would find some method in which to review the Gradius series in the exact same style as he did with his Contra videos, at least. He's gonna bitch about how hard these games are. An why stop there?! He could spread his bile on the Parodius series, the Twinbee series, and whatever hard-as-heck games he could find.

    And yeah, I should've thought about these Irate fanboys being illiterate and not at all aware (or thankful) of gaming history. But I did say not to take the comment seriously...
    If you were taking it seriously, that is.

    My apologies for the misunderstanding.

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  31. No, I think Irate Gamer will go after Sonic or Zelda, after all he shat all over Mario and Contra, why stop there?

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  32. @anon

    I think I mentioned this on a comment on one of Asalieri's videos. All I could say is if he reviews the Gradius series, he'll get tons of shit wrong. For example, I bet he'll say that Gradius 3 was a sequel to Life Force, and ignore Gradius 2, even though the arcade port was released on Gradius Collection for the PSP and the TG CD version on Wii Virtual Console.

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  33. Seeing as how the Irate Gamer frequently judges a game by it's difficulty, it just makes his arguments even more baffling. Even the most difficult games can be mastered with patience and hard work (Unless of course the game is poorly developed like Sonic 2006).

    The Super Mario Bros 2 review stands as his Dethroning moment of suck for me as it is so shockingly bad, it makes me wonder if he did it for the sole purpose of garnering bad publicity. Mario 2 is generally considered to be much easier then the first game, yet he whines that killing enemies and collecting cherries to gain life energy and stars "stupid"? While spouting this garbage he gushes over the Lost Levels, claiming it "the perfect predecessor to the first mario game". Idiotically neglecting to mention that game's difficulty which even the hardest of the hardcore have a difficult time with.

    This was very bewildering indeed. He panned an easy game while praising a hard game. And lets not get into when he purposly plays a game poorly just to make it look hard and difficult (thus "bad" in his defective little mind). Truly, if the hack hates a game based on a personal issue (The game is too hard! The enemies are stupid! That tree shouldn't be there!) He will do everything to make it look like shit in a review. So essentially no one is safe.

    By the Irate Gamer's logic, Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing is probably the greatest game ever made. Can't go wrong with something you can't lose at eh?

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  34. Why not just call him Eminem?

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  35. @Kama:
    I never got that about his Mario 2 video.
    He claims Lost Levels is better because it's more of the same. That's one of the main reasons Nintendo refused to release it overseas.

    And considering how he hates everything that requires skill I'm surprised he praised it.
    I still can't get over how he says "the same power-ups" right as he uncovers a poison mushroom.

    Yes the hardest games can be mastered with time & effort.
    Bores doesn't seem to understand that, going as far to say "I wasted an hour beating Contra III and all I get is this? What a piece of shit."
    Or all the time-wasting in Monster Party.

    Actually "You Have To Burn The Rope" is the greatest game ever.

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  36. Indeed true Batdan. Lost Levels doesn't really innovate or differ much over the original except for cranking the difficulty up and (very) minor graphical additions. Twas probably for the best it was passed up for release in favor of a entirely different game.

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  37. @Anon on Borian:

    IG is Borian! He's a walking (does IG even have the capacity to walk more than 30 feet?), talking medication that is recommended both by doctors and psychologists as the #1 best and safest sleeping aid in the history of medical science!

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  38. @Warrior

    My Dad told me that the Military are using Borian as a crowd suppression tool in Iraq with a 98% effective rate.

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  39. why not do the y2b2006 videos?

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  40. Possibly because those videos are so god awful, that dissecting them would be moot in the long run (They're very difficult to sit through).

    It's already been 1 month since his last "Irate Gamer" video (Not counting the remastered ZAMN videom or his Neo reviews). Seriously Bores, you need to adapt a form of consistency. Having "A new Irate Gamer show is posted every 2-3 weeks" appear on your youtube profile is clearly false advertising. If you had any sort of brain, you would've deleted that little blurb months ago.

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  41. I actually tried to do a y2b2006 rant, but I could barely survive his first Mythbusters video that I just said "screw it" and wait for his next IG video.

    Unless he's counting the Neo reviews as a video then yes he needs to remove that blurb. Especially when you consider each official episode takes 3-4 months.

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  42. "Irate Shady?" More like "Irate Shitty!"

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  43. I bought DJ Hero. I liked it. Doesn't mean I don't appreciate your scathing commentary on dip-wad's video, but still. :P

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