Well that was fast. Looks like he has a new review up already, however it’s a Neo review so this will be a short recap.
To artificially lengthen this, I’m going to look at the trailer for it.
So this one minute of stupidity begins with the question “Are you ready for another review?” No not really. However he immediately responds with “Of Course You Are. What a Silly Question.” Wow, could you be anymore of a dick Chris? Stop acting like your reviews are some special treat, you’re acting like Uwe Boll where he claims his next movie will be spectacular and mind-blowing.
“So lets get this Show on the Road” And enough with the random capitalization. It’s like looking at a 2nd grade student’s term paper.
He announces that the game will be Ghostbusters (the new one). Oddly enough he doesn’t review the Wii version but rather the PS3 version. Great, now he owns a Playstation 3, GottGame really loves to waste money on this dickhead.
“Because You fans Requested it”. Okay this is another thing I want to address, he’s trying harder then ever to convince everyone he has fans. Every single trailer he says “because you asked for it so here it is” and it comes off as desperate and rather sad. By the way, that’s some nice sentence structure, other then the random capitalization. Try saying “Because you fans” out loud, it will sound awkward and childish.
So the rest of the trailer is gameplay footage set to stock rock music, ending with Bores doing that weird thing where he holds up the game and doesn’t say anything.
Well then, onto the actual review. Right now it’s only available at GottGame.
Before I start, yes I’m well aware James Rolfe did a review of the game back in August, a mere two months after the game’s release. However, he didn’t review it as The Nerd but as himself, giving a fair review to both the positive and negative aspects of the game. Here, Bores is reviewing it “in character” and you’ll see why that “character” is a load of bunk. Let’s begin.
Intro: Oh hey, no theme song this time. Did he forget to add it? Instead he just shows his title card, similar to the early IG reviews where he only showed his title card with a “woosh” sound effect.
0:12 - 0:20: After an unnecessary transition effect, he says he got the game for the holiday season and just beat it (three months later). At least Rolfe had an excuse to release his video two months after the game came out.
0:20 - 1:01: Jeez I’m bored already. Those speech lessons need to happen, maybe learn how NOT to sound like a robot with ADD. Really he just goes on about it being a “FANtastic” game and how any kid from the 80s must get it. Then mentions then original voices and how “super awesome” it is to hear them conversing with each other.
1:01 - 1:29: I did it, I have found the perfect video for the strongest dose of Borian possible. Seriously, nothing is happening except his constant praise of the game.
1:30 - 1:36: “You pretty much start off as a rookie” Pretty much? You ARE the rookie, that’s the entire game! You don’t get to play as the other Ghostbusters!
Phrase your sentences better, you’re either too vague or too stupid to convey them properly.
Oh my GOD HOW MUCH LONGER IS THIS? It’s just so boring! Nothing is happening, nothing at all!
2:33 - 2:40: He mentions the new villains, and the screen shows him fighting a demon as he yells “This chick is toast!” STOP! Okay, I understand this is a reference to the movie but he still sucks at references. That’s obviously not Gozer in the footage, I checked and Gozer isn’t even in the game. That doesn’t even look like a female demon. Listen dickless, if you’re going to quote Ghostbusters, at least use a quote that makes sense.
Everyone: Is this true?
That’s right, this man has no dick.
2:44 - 2:56: Bores claims his only problem was that it was too short and could be beaten in a day. So if it’s so short, then why did it take three months to beat it and make a video about it? Don’t give me that crap about “being too busy” you never release videos or give any indication that you have a life outside of your suburban bubble.
Now here’s something else I want to bring up, he reviews big name games MONTHS after they come out. I mean, if he wants to stay relevant he could review something recent like Aliens vs. Predator or Mass Effect 2. I don’t know, he just confuses me so much.
3:05 - 3:13: The camera cuts to him, he hopes that a game developer is listening (BAHAHA) and takes the success of Ghostbusters into consideration. I’m not really paying attention, his erratic movements are distracting. It’s like he can’t sit still… I guess my ADD theory wasn’t too far off.
3:13 - 3:20: He gives a wish list of 80s movies he hopes become games. Saying Back to the Future, Bill & Ted, and Die Hard. Fine, other then the idea of a Bill & Ted game being utterly stupid I’ll agree with the other two. Oh God, I’m agreeing with him. Something must be wrong with…
3:21 - 3:26: He then says if they make games based on Police Academy and Weekend at Bernie’s, then it’s time to stop. Oh phew. Something utterly retarded to rant about.
Listen Chris, this may come as a shock but video games are a business. Publishers want to make money from their product, notably the ones that make recent movie tie-ins and Activision. I doubt they’d drop money on a game where you play as two idiots trying to convince people their boss is alive, or a group of annoying comic relief characters that are about as relevant as the Numa Numa guy.
The review ends with Bores doing that weird “doing voice over while I’m on screen” thing and holding the game, saying it’s an Irate Gamer Pick. Apparently he’s forgotten the definition of the word “irate”. I mean, did he really need to be “in character” for this review?
What is his character anyway? Sometime he’s angry, sometimes he’s happy, sometimes he’s nice, sometimes he’s homicidal, keep it together you film school dropout!
Though, to be honest if he wasn’t in character the review would be a minute long and have nothing about vague statements about it.
The main problem with this review is that it was just boring. I could barely stay awake watching it, my brain would just shut down from boredom.
By the way guys, I’m considering making redux versions of my early recaps. Add stuff I forgot, remove some of the harsher language, clean them up a bit. What do you think?
Until next time folks.