Friday, March 12, 2010

Ghostbusters 2009. Who Ya Gonna Call? A Real Reviewer.

Well that was fast. Looks like he has a new review up already, however it’s a Neo review so this will be a short recap.

To artificially lengthen this, I’m going to look at the trailer for it.

So this one minute of stupidity begins with the question “Are you ready for another review?” No not really. However he immediately responds with “Of Course You Are. What a Silly Question.” Wow, could you be anymore of a dick Chris? Stop acting like your reviews are some special treat, you’re acting like Uwe Boll where he claims his next movie will be spectacular and mind-blowing.

“So lets get this Show on the Road” And enough with the random capitalization. It’s like looking at a 2nd grade student’s term paper.

He announces that the game will be Ghostbusters (the new one). Oddly enough he doesn’t review the Wii version but rather the PS3 version. Great, now he owns a Playstation 3, GottGame really loves to waste money on this dickhead.

“Because You fans Requested it”. Okay this is another thing I want to address, he’s trying harder then ever to convince everyone he has fans. Every single trailer he says “because you asked for it so here it is” and it comes off as desperate and rather sad. By the way, that’s some nice sentence structure, other then the random capitalization. Try saying “Because you fans” out loud, it will sound awkward and childish.

So the rest of the trailer is gameplay footage set to stock rock music, ending with Bores doing that weird thing where he holds up the game and doesn’t say anything.

Well then, onto the actual review. Right now it’s only available at GottGame.

Before I start, yes I’m well aware James Rolfe did a review of the game back in August, a mere two months after the game’s release. However, he didn’t review it as The Nerd but as himself, giving a fair review to both the positive and negative aspects of the game. Here, Bores is reviewing it “in character” and you’ll see why that “character” is a load of bunk. Let’s begin.

Intro: Oh hey, no theme song this time. Did he forget to add it? Instead he just shows his title card, similar to the early IG reviews where he only showed his title card with a “woosh” sound effect.

0:12 - 0:20: After an unnecessary transition effect, he says he got the game for the holiday season and just beat it (three months later). At least Rolfe had an excuse to release his video two months after the game came out.

0:20 - 1:01: Jeez I’m bored already. Those speech lessons need to happen, maybe learn how NOT to sound like a robot with ADD. Really he just goes on about it being a “FANtastic” game and how any kid from the 80s must get it. Then mentions then original voices and how “super awesome” it is to hear them conversing with each other.

1:01 - 1:29: I did it, I have found the perfect video for the strongest dose of Borian possible. Seriously, nothing is happening except his constant praise of the game.

1:30 - 1:36: “You pretty much start off as a rookie” Pretty much? You ARE the rookie, that’s the entire game! You don’t get to play as the other Ghostbusters!
Phrase your sentences better, you’re either too vague or too stupid to convey them properly.

Oh my GOD HOW MUCH LONGER IS THIS? It’s just so boring! Nothing is happening, nothing at all!

2:33 - 2:40: He mentions the new villains, and the screen shows him fighting a demon as he yells “This chick is toast!” STOP! Okay, I understand this is a reference to the movie but he still sucks at references. That’s obviously not Gozer in the footage, I checked and Gozer isn’t even in the game. That doesn’t even look like a female demon. Listen dickless, if you’re going to quote Ghostbusters, at least use a quote that makes sense.
Everyone: Is this true?
That’s right, this man has no dick.

2:44 - 2:56: Bores claims his only problem was that it was too short and could be beaten in a day. So if it’s so short, then why did it take three months to beat it and make a video about it? Don’t give me that crap about “being too busy” you never release videos or give any indication that you have a life outside of your suburban bubble.

Now here’s something else I want to bring up, he reviews big name games MONTHS after they come out. I mean, if he wants to stay relevant he could review something recent like Aliens vs. Predator or Mass Effect 2. I don’t know, he just confuses me so much.

3:05 - 3:13: The camera cuts to him, he hopes that a game developer is listening (BAHAHA) and takes the success of Ghostbusters into consideration. I’m not really paying attention, his erratic movements are distracting. It’s like he can’t sit still… I guess my ADD theory wasn’t too far off.

3:13 - 3:20: He gives a wish list of 80s movies he hopes become games. Saying Back to the Future, Bill & Ted, and Die Hard. Fine, other then the idea of a Bill & Ted game being utterly stupid I’ll agree with the other two. Oh God, I’m agreeing with him. Something must be wrong with…

3:21 - 3:26: He then says if they make games based on Police Academy and Weekend at Bernie’s, then it’s time to stop. Oh phew. Something utterly retarded to rant about.
Listen Chris, this may come as a shock but video games are a business. Publishers want to make money from their product, notably the ones that make recent movie tie-ins and Activision. I doubt they’d drop money on a game where you play as two idiots trying to convince people their boss is alive, or a group of annoying comic relief characters that are about as relevant as the Numa Numa guy.

The review ends with Bores doing that weird “doing voice over while I’m on screen” thing and holding the game, saying it’s an Irate Gamer Pick. Apparently he’s forgotten the definition of the word “irate”. I mean, did he really need to be “in character” for this review?

What is his character anyway? Sometime he’s angry, sometimes he’s happy, sometimes he’s nice, sometimes he’s homicidal, keep it together you film school dropout!
Though, to be honest if he wasn’t in character the review would be a minute long and have nothing about vague statements about it.

The main problem with this review is that it was just boring. I could barely stay awake watching it, my brain would just shut down from boredom.

By the way guys, I’m considering making redux versions of my early recaps. Add stuff I forgot, remove some of the harsher language, clean them up a bit. What do you think?

Until next time folks.

20 comments:

  1. I agree, the first half was just so boring, all he did was just saying that "this is cool" and "how cool is that" and son on. I know nothing about the game, once again Chris sucks at quotes (which makes me want to watch Nerd's old Ghostbusters reviews again, at least he knows how and when to use them) and all in all it sucked.

    Game Dude reference?

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  2. Well, fuck farts. Looks like my idea of James Rolfe(as himself, of course) reviewing Zombies Ate My Neighbors has back-fired.

    Yes, I'm the guy who wanted James Rolfe to review ZAMN. It's great that it's finally on the virtual Console now...
    BUT THAT'S NOT SAYING MUCH! Irate Lamer rereleased his shitload of fuck of ZAMN pretty much close to the time the game came out on the VC.
    And now, he just made a review of the latest Ghostbusters game. James better review ZAMN before I decide to get my brain taken out by Dr. Tongue and all that sick crap.
    And Big Al needs talk to Bores very soon, or else things are gonna get ugly!

    And one last thing, for anyone who wanted to post "FIRST" or anything like that just because it's their first post anywhere, including here, for instance, I'm sorry! But that so-called "honor" is taken right out of your hands. Fuck those "first post" retards!

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  3. Yeah, reduxes of your old rants would be nice... They will certainly fill the massive 2 month void.

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  4. The guy has a PS3 now?

    I'm a pretty calm person, so I really don't like to insult/attack people, even if they screw up REALLY bad (as Bores has obviously done.) I try to be constructive all of the time... but if the guy ever reviews something like Metal Gear Solid 4, Uncharted, or any other really good PS3 (Or even 360) games, I will flip the fuck out.

    It's good to know you'll still be making these.

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  5. Apart from the parodies The only good thing about Chris Bores is his ability to unite gamers, no matter how partisan you are in the video game wars of any generation, all can agree that Chris Bores fails when reviewing any generation of system or game.

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  6. Whats this talk of bores and big al?

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  7. Yeah, the only thing that was really notable about this review is that he apparently could only beat Ghostbusters a good half year after it was released.

    As for redux reviews... hey man, whatever keeps you writing.

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  8. "Who ya gonna call? A real reviewer."

    That joke made me laugh more than anything in the Irate Gamer's whole "Ghostbusters" review. And it's so true. At least the Nerd made a cogent review that covered both the positive and negative aspects of the game. Whereas the Irate Gamer just verbally wanked on about great it was. My guess is that you were bored because the IG's ravings don't even qualify as a review. Reviewing involves a well-reasoned analysis of a game's strengths and weaknesses, which is something the Irate Gamer seems incapable of.

    And does he even know how stupid he sounds when he says that he finally beat the game after three months, then later says that you could probably beat it in a day? What did he do? Play a level a week because the game was too hard for him? God, what an asshole!

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  9. When Irate Gamer said "This chick is toast!", you can see that his controller is turned off. Chris Bores doesn't even try to convince that he's playing.

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  10. Here's a quote from a movie that sums up this Neo review: "Short but pointless."

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  11. @Anon (March 12th 7:17 PM)
    Seriously? God damn it how does he get away with that? At least it wasn't as noticeable as his the 360 controller in Resident Evil 5.

    @dtm666
    That works.

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  12. Hi Dan,

    Been reading this blog from the beginning and find it very entertaining. First time commenting...

    About the wishing more 80's movies become games, I'm surprised no one else has mentioned this, yet. Probably everyone is losing brain cells from his crap videos and just overlooked it.

    All 3 of those WERE made into games...

    Did this idiot somehow forget his first so-called "review"? The infamous one that forever sealed his reputation as a hack? (The other "review" reinforced it...you know what I'm talking about)

    Bill & Ted was on the NES, as well, and was "reviewed" by Game Dude (ugh...if ever anyone was worse, it's him)

    Die Hard Trilogy was released on the Saturn & PS1 and was a damn good game and was very faithful to the movies...one of the best movie licensed games, ever...

    Further proof this guy is A) not a gamer, B) lousy scriptwriter, or C) Both.

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  13. Hello RatMan

    I think Bores meant to say "modern video games based off 80s movies" but his lack of writing prowess made it sound a lot different.

    Don't forget there was a Die Hard game for the NES, reviewed by the AVGN as well.

    And it's obviously C.

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  14. He just keeps talking about how awesome it was to have all the old performers back, but I played this game (and I enjoyed it) and I felt like they were all past their prime. Is that just me?

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  15. "I mean, did he really need to be “in character” for this review?"

    Dare I say that if he reviewed this as Chris Bores rather than the Irate Gamer, you probably would've accused him of copying James Rolfe doing the same thing in his review of the game?

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  16. @ Anon (March 31st)
    I wouldn't say that at all.

    But to quote the Save-State Gamer "And so ends another great & informative review, where in I forget that the character I play is supposed to be angry about things."

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  17. @RX RatMan

    Me, worse than Irate Gamer? Prove it.

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  18. And speaking of AVGN and his Die Hard review, my favorite part's at the beginning where he stares blankly at the cartridge and giving a 9/11 reference (of him showing the image of the World Trade Center being destroyed on the cartridge and the title screen)-- "It's kinda... you know... uh... yeah, let's just move on."

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  19. @Game Dude

    YES, ANOTHER CHRIS BORES(MTT) HATER!!! You should be fortunate that you will be funnier and more informative than Boring will ever be, even if you do have your own facepalm worthy moments.

    But no....You did not learn anything the last time commentators gave you a good beating for being affronted by the most trivial things in the games you review. Just...No.

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