Monday, March 22, 2010

Redux Recap: This Post will Self-Destruct in *boom*

Has anyone ever noticed Bores seems to have something against Konami? Seriously a lot of the games he’s reviewed are from them or their doll company Ultra Games. Like today’s review, Mission: Impossible on the NES.

I played some of the game to see if it’s really that bad, and unsurprisingly it’s decent. Yes the game is hard, yes there are some cheap moments, but that’s standard from Konami. You get to switch between 3 characters at any time (kind of like TMNT) all with useful weapons and abilities.
The game is based on the short-lived 1988 TV series, a fact that few people seem to bring up.

So let’s see Bores complain some more, and this is the episode he claims to have figured out the direction he wants to take it. The irony is stunning.

0:00 - 0:12: The video starts with Bores asking “Is it possible for Mission Impossible to possibly be a good game? Possibly” Ladies & Gentlemen, bad writing at its finest. He follows that up with “Possi-fucking absolutely not! This game sucks ass! *throws game in fake anger*” Bad acting at its finest.
Possi-fucking absolutely?

0:13 - 0:27: He’s told the words “Your mission if you choose to accept it” and starts complaining that they don’t give him the option to decline it. Oh God that hurts my brain. If you don’t want to accept it, then turn off the NES.
Did you consider that they said that to stay accurate to the source material? Moron.

0:28 - 0:45: Apparently this pisses him off because you have to play the stages in order, and the statement would be accurate if he could choose the level like in Mega Man. Again, they’re trying to stay accurate to the TV show. How does this detract from the game’s quality?

0:45 - 1:11: He shows the storyline text and sees the “This Message will Self-Destruct” line and comments “ain’t that cute”.
Somehow this causes his NES to explode, get used to that effect people you’re going to see it a lot. Wait, what’s that cord? Son of a… he didn’t even edit out the controller’s cord! God that’s lazy and half-assed!
“Once you’re done replacing your Nintendo system” What about the game? How did it survive the explosion if it was the bomb? If you’re going to do stupid gags like this, double check them.

1:12 - 1:38: So he starts the actual review portion noting the camera angle is weird. I didn’t have a problem with it.
He also points out the civilians in the street and killing them will lose your character. He complains that it’s impossible to tell the difference between the spies and the civilians. Completely untrue, the spies are the ones that chase after you. It’s not even hard to tell, a big “YOU” appears over their head and they try to kill you. How is this a problem?

1:38 - 1:45: Now he complains that they get in the way when trying to kill the bad guys. Notice that he’s using a bomb to kill the bad guys, completely ignoring that he has a gun. Use the gun you moron!

1:45 - 1:51: “And don’t even think about walking in the street either! *gets hit by a car* FUCK!” What did you think was going to happen? Tom Cruise would appear and give you money?

1:52 - 2:07: Explaining the characters combined with his terrible skills.

2:07 - 2:12: “Now if you think is just another side-scrolling beat up the bad guys kind of game” Side-scrolling? Wow, that’s the most top-down side-scroller I’ve ever seen.

2:12 - 2:18: “In each of the levels, you’ll have to around fighting enemies and solving puzzles in order to advance in the game.” … Sounds like EVERY OTHER GAME EVER!

When I did the original recap, I didn’t think this video was that bad. With a fresh set of eyes, there’s a lot of stupid shit to be found.

2:19 - 2:40: Just explaining that the first level is difficult and he dies too much. Maybe it’s a problem with you and not the game?

2:40 - 2:44: Cut to Bores and his acting talents that would put Juilliard students to shame.

2:44 - 2:57: Here he explains what happens after you die and how you start the level over if you choose continue. Woah, what was that split-second shot at 2:56.

2:58 - 3:09: And now, the scene heard around the world.
Bores complains that he has to do everything all over again, and his response to that? “What a shitload of fuck!”
*shakes head* Shameful, just shameful. Now we know why he calls this episode the “direction he wanted to take the series”. Really I can’t say anything else about this scene, a lot of people have talked about it.

3:10 - 3:22: “Enough of this bullshit, time to find some passwords!” Are you kidding me? “Now if you decided to cheat or managed to get past level one” He’s not… holy shit he sucks.
“You’ll end up on level two”. I’m sorry DLAbaoaqu I have to borrow your bit just this once.
Teenage George Plimpton: I didn’t know!

3:23 - 3:36: Blah blah blah boat ride, blah blah blah full enemies like level one, and this line “enemies following you and trying to kill you” God this is stupid.

3:36 - 3:58: So Bores shows his wimpy side by getting his turbo controller. Wow, you really are a pussy.
Oh God, he’s doing it completely wrong. You’re supposed to HOLD the turbo button you ingrate!
Apparently he doesn’t know that mashing the turbo button only lets out 3 shots at a time. Seriously, this guy is not a gamer! If he was, he’d know that you HOLD the turbo button not mash it! Oh, and it’s the game’s fault that he can’t properly use turbo, of course it is.

4:00 - 4:15: He skips to level 3 and notices that he can just kill anyone he wants, leading to this pointless joke.
“So blast anything you want, this guy, this guy, or this guy *shows picture of Steve Urkel*”
Ugh that’s horrible. He didn’t even crop out Urkel, he just took a random image off Google and edited it into the game.

I should mention that a dumbass named iratefanboy345 (revealed to be a sock puppet account of The Bores) claimed the AVGN stole that joke from IG.

That’s a bullshit lie, this is the AVGN’s joke from the Die Hard review (the one he claims was stolen).
“So I’m going around trying to kill people, and Officer Carl Winslow keeps talking to me. So I’m just walking around waiting for random stuff to happen, then the police car blows up and I’m like ‘what does this have to do with anything?’ But then Steve Urkel comes on and I’m like what the fuck?”

Since Bores is too stupid to understand how a movie reference works, I’ll explain this to him.
Actor Reginald VelJohnson played Sgt. Powell in Die Hard, but he’s better known as Officer Carl Winslow on Family Matters, the show with Steve Urkel. A running joke was Urkel doing something bad and asking “Did I Do That?” So the joke works here, because it’s a reference to two roles that one actor played.
All Bores did, was randomly insert Urkel into the game without a reason. Then he just moves on like nothing happened. You fail Bores, you absolutely fail.

Oh man, I’m getting off-track. Let’s continue.

4:16 - 4:25: He starts complaining about Stage 3 having too many enemies, and says the first unintentionally hilarious line “It wouldn’t be a bad game if it wasn’t so damn hard.” Look Chris, there’s a difference between difficulty by design and broken difficulty. This game is the former.

4:26 - 4:43: He reaches a room with conveyer belts, he tries to cross with one character but falls. He tries to cross with a second character but BWHAAHAHA oh my god he fails so bad. He fell into the pit before reaching the conveyer belts. This isn’t an issue with controls either, he just sucks that bad.

4:44 - 5:10: Now he tries to cross the conveyer belts with the third character, while making a montage of it and splicing in footage that doesn’t match up with the screen at all. The second noticeable example of his Pac-Man Fever.
He succeeds in crossing the belts but is killed by two guys in armor (who he doesn’t try to fight back against).

The review ends with Bores expressing how pissed off he is and that he can’t continue. Yes, he is so pissed off that he has to talk in a normal tone of voice.
So he destroys the game by taking it outside, throwing it into the air, and firing a rocket from his Super Scope. Not only does this break the laws of physics since the game can’t be in the air for the amount of time the rocket is going (seriously it’s a slow-ass rocket) but when it hits the game there’s nothing there. Seriously, it just hits the air and blows up… something.

This review was stupid, he claims this is his first truly great video but he has no “truly great” videos.
Wait, if he was using passwords to get through the levels then why didn’t he skip to Level 6? He just played until Level 3 and gave up. I’m so confused by how poorly-directed all of his videos are.

The next redux recap: Bores bashes a classic game because he sucks at it. Until next time.

33 comments:

  1. How many sock-puppet acounts does the Bores have? Seriously, how many of his fans are fake?! And to his real fans, how does uttering "What a shit load of fuck" NOT prove he is a stupid ignorant film school drop out who just wants money?!
    great redux by the way Dan!
    See you later!

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  2. Oh and i ment to say "stupid ignorant film school dropout who is a rip off"

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  3. Sure, Bores had a general idea of his character by the time of this review: unfunny jokes, unfounded complains, bad acting and quotes from other reviewers!


    "Apparently he doesn’t know that mashing the turbo button only lets out 3 shots at a time."

    I haven't play this game yet. But if it's like Mega Man, you can only shoot three bullets at a time, even if you hold the turbo button.

    This part reminds me of his "review" of Goonies 2 when he complains because he died next to a ladder or because he lost all his keys.

    It's like Bores was playing a NES game for the first time of his life.

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  4. As I mentioned earlier, I think Konami and Capcom are two of the hands-down best third party developers. But I just can't decide which of the two companies is the best, especially when you consider that both companies are known for hard and challenging games.

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  5. Batdan, how far did you get in the game, would you recommend it? :)

    *goes to watch video*

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  6. i must say somthing the otherr day i asked bores what his next review is and I got this response:
    "well working on another neo episode, then it'll be another HOV"

    and I must say he really sucks at grammer.
    What the F*ck does HOV mean. This link is really all i found:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hov
    did he mean month, week, day, WHAT DID HE MEAN.
    But knowing Bores it will prabobly be next year.

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  7. The part when Bores said there should be a stage selection like in Mega Man stuck out most to me in this review. Now I never played Mission Impossible but I'm would imagine that the storyline in the game is linear. So wonder why Mr "I have to play Castlevania before I play Castlevania 3" would want to play stage 6 before beating stage 2, I mean I heard that it is punishable by death in some countries.

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  8. @Wolfmweh
    Okay I have to be honest, I didn't get very far. But I would recommend it.
    It's like Battletoads, it's really hard but fun to play.
    So yes I'd check it out.

    @Anon (March 22nd 2:32 PM)
    HOV is his abbreviation for History of Video Games. Yeah it's stupid I know. Makes it sound like "History of Videos"

    @Erik
    The storyline IS linear.
    He can never keep his needs straight can he? Like in the Home Improvement review when he whined there was no instruction manual, but before that in the Contra review he said nobody reads them.

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  9. @anon

    HOV is an acronym for History of Video Games, which should be HOVG or HVG.

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  10. I can recall the first time I saw this video and was shaking my head - both at the review and the reaction to the one scene. I had played the game long ago prior to watching the vid and didn't think it was that bad.

    As a matter of fact, I picked up a copy of the game last month and indeed, it brought back great memories. It's a solid game with some problem-solving aspects and some stealth moments, but as Dan has stated, is crazy difficult. Good solid game overall.

    It seems unfortunate and rather sad, though, that of all the evidence in all the videos that could be used to effectively prove IG's plagiarizing ways, the most popular piece of "evidence" is one single utterance of the phrase "What a shitload of fuck." I almost have to sit back and groan in utter annoyance at that deal.

    "OOH! He uttered 'What A Shitload of Fuck!' That's an AVGN original! Sacrilege! He's a plagiarist! How dare he say 'What A Shitload of Fuck! That's sacred ground, son!" God, shoot me.

    Because that line has never, ever, EVER been said or conceived before in the history of the English language... really lame.

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  11. @dtm666
    People seem to equate plagiarism with "reviewing the same game" and "saying the same lines".
    Well, the last two recaps proved otherwise. The Where's Waldo video copied two popular bits from The Nerd, and The Goonies II video outright stole the Chronologically Confused segment.

    In fact, other people have said "what a shitload of fuck" in their reviews, like undercoverfilmer (or so I heard). The difference between real reviewers and IG is that most real reviewers do it for fun and the love of the game. IG is only in it for money, no matter who he steps on or steals from.

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  12. Hey guys. I just thought of something. Something cool. You remember all those Anonymous "I would rather..." phrases, right?

    Batdan, you should hold a contest to see who can make the best "I would rather..." phrase in the blog!!! You get to be the sole judge, and even pick the prize(s)! Here, I suggest a set of rules for official entry:

    1.NO ANONYMOUS SUBMISSIONS. You can't get your phrase posted if people don't know who you are.
    2.Do not use phrases already posted on the blog or uttered by the AVGN; by this, I mean that your exact phrase cannot be a complete copy or a slight modification of an "I would rather..." phase from this blog, or the AVGN videos.
    3.Keep in mind that you would rather do what is on your phrase than watch any of the Irate Gamer videos. Yeah, I know it's all for shits and giggles, but trust me, you need to be a bit careful in this consideration.
    4.No religous, racial, or ethnical jokes or stereotyping! People get their feelings hurt if you do. Also, do not be a racist!
    5.DO NOT SELL YOUR SOUL! I'm serious.
    6.Have fun! Be creative! Get CRAZY!

    And here is how the "I would rather" phrases be judged:
    Creativity points(10): ranging from 1 for "not creative at all and possibly stolen" to 10 for "HOLY SHIT, that's total genius!"
    Length points(5): maximum length should be 3 sentences. Longer sentences should score you sweet points.
    Grossness(10): ranging from 1 for "cartoons for babies are more disturbing than this" to 10 for "Oh Fu-GAAAAuuuuugghhh!!! This makes 2 Girls 1 Cup look like Care Bears! JESUS!"
    Swear-points(5):The more curses and volgarity you put there, the more points you get. Won't James be proud!

    And that's the contest. If you like the idea, set up a deadline, make a post regarding it, and wish us all luck!

    And speaking of which, has Irate Gamer ever used an "I would rather..." phrase?

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  13. On the subject of the unusual hate for Konami.
    I don't get it.

    But then again, the Nerd had LJN, Filmnstuff has OCEAN... maybe its a generic angry reviewer trait? Pick a shitty developer and stick with it...

    'Cept konami are the dogs bollocks.

    "Because that line has never, ever, EVER been said or conceived before in the history of the English language... really lame"

    You're completely right, chances are it's a phase thats been in use forever...

    However, there's only one documented source for it, and the fact that its following use was by someone in the same context makes it kinda hard to defend, when the mathematics of chance would slap you for even trying.

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  14. @dtm666

    Come on. That's as traceable to the AVGN as "What a piece of cowabunga shit." The point isn't who made up what, it's who's trying to take credit for what.

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  15. Other than the game being "Konami hard" and the "weird camera" (which I must say the top down view was odd but ultimately unique) Bores failed to mention anything else about the game being "bad". How were the overall controls of the game? Were there any examples of cheap hits? Any useless weapons or items? How was the music?

    How about mentioning the GOOD aspects of the game... Mission Impossible appears to have good graphics, and a back story (something the Bores would bitch about if there wasn't one). And the game looks to be a good challange and that boat level looks intense.

    Overall if I see this game at my video game store I'll be picking it up.

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  16. @BatDan
    The Irate Gamer pulling a "Chronologically Confused" about Donkey Kong titles as well as making up his own ending after achieving a mediocre ending are two good examples of bits stolen from AVGN. The bit with the Predator with the exploding head at the end is another example.

    On the other hand, the Irate Gamer complaining about a game missing characters or inaccurate from the source material it's based on? The lack of music from a show/movie in a video game? That stuff's all been done before by a whole bunch of people, either in video or written format. The fact that it's been attributed to the Nerd is ridiculous.

    I'd like to think that most reviewers (those that are good or at least competent) enjoy reviewing for the sake of reviewing; that is, to point out the pros and cons of a product before reaching a conclusion of whether said product is worth the consumer's time. These guys have spent time on the game, loved or hated it, and want to share their thoughts on it, whether it'd be a YouTube video or a GameFAQs review submission or whatever the case may be. And that's great. It's great to hear thoughts from actual consumers who bought the games and gave them a fair shake.

    I just find that the difference between real reviewers and guys like AVGN, IG, or similar "angry reviewers" is that most real reviewers are generally satisfied with giving ACTUAL REVIEWS and not 15 minutes of drunken ramblings, expletives galore, out-of-place special effects, and totally necessary "guest characters" with about five minutes of actual review.

    I don't mind fluff or filler in reviews, but if it overpowers the actual review content, then it ceases to be a review and becomes more of a spectacle. Unfortunately, it seems that to be really successful, you'd have to resort to this sort of thing.

    @Wolfmweh
    It's also hard to defend that a variation of a common phrase (What a fuckload of shit - with the two expletives flipped) has never been uttered in ANY form or fashion prior to a random YouTube video unless you could confirm that it's never mention in ANY medium or otherwise.

    @Justin Holmes
    Oh please. That's about as traceable to the AVGN as "This game sucks."

    Honestly, you'd have to be creatively bankrupt to take credit for "What a shitload of fuck." And James Rolfe doesn't seem like the type of guy who's creatively bankrupt. Chris Bores, on the other hand... eh, I won't give any ideas.

    @Erik
    The boat level's pretty fun and will give you a tough time, but is a bit on the short side. The ski level that occurs later in the game is also quite frustrating, but fairly short. Like I said, it's a pretty good but tough game.

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  17. @dtm
    I agreed with you on that point, did i not?
    But the rest of my post makes my argument clear.
    Let me reiterate with an example! :D

    You're a youtube reviewer who reviews awful books in a comedic fashion. you describe 'Twilight' as worse than having your balls smeared in green jelly and having a bag of fire ants poured over them.

    An analogy which may have already been uttered, who can say? and who gives a fuck.

    But when another Youtube reviewer, who reviews books in a comical fashion, describes The 'Vampire diaries' as far worse than having your balls covered in green jelly... blahblah blah blah.

    Is that not a complete copy? yeah, the books different, but is the context not the same?

    If a Chef said his wifes cooking was worse than having his balls covered in.. blahblah, then thats NOT a copy. because the context is different, he may not of seen the book review anyway, if he did it makes no difference, because he's not being PAID to comment on his wifes cooking.

    Is this clear? :(

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  18. @Wolfmweh
    I'll agree that someone uttering the "balls in jelly" analogy after someone else coined it is considered a straight copy because the first guy took the time to come up with that analogy and it's such a specific analogy applicable to a certain set of circumstances. And if, by chance, that analogy was used elsewhere prior in some form or another, it'd be pure coincidence.

    But that's the thing. Someone took the time and effort to come up with a rather specific analogy for that context and it was conveniently used by someone else in a similar or dissimilar context. Even with slight alterations, it could be perceived as a copy.

    "What a shitload of fuck" isn't a specific analogy nor is it something that took a lot of effort to come up with; it's just a generic phrase that's interchangeable with "What a fuckload of shit" or "What a piece of shit." It's a line that may disputably have one documented source, but could easily something thrown out during a casual conversation without much thought.

    There's nothing creative or analogical about it; it's just something that was tossed out on a whim and strangely made into a catchphrase because of the inability to think of anything better. Like I said, you'd have to be creatively bankrupt if you tried to think up a clever analogy, "What a shitload of fuck" was the best you could come up with, and you decided to push it as if it were some world-changing, pop-culture influencing catchphrase of the next decade.

    AVGN has many more specific analogies used where more thought was put into its application. He has specific character traits, such as the drinking of Rolling Rock after a particularly painful moment in a game. If any of those were used by other reviewers in similar context, then I'd agree that it's a straight copy and there'd be sufficient reason to "give a fuck."

    A short, interchangeable line with no specific analogical context isn't one of them. Which is why I honestly don't understand the backlash to someone else (who gets paid for his videos) using the same generic term because the other guy (who is ALSO getting paid for his work) allegedly said it first.

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  19. Okay okay let's stop arguing over this.
    Let's just say that certain phrases aren't defined to one person.

    Though there's no excuse for Bores saying "What a piece of cowabunga-sheeit" after finishing TMNT on NES.

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  20. And once again an entirely pointless internet argument ends...

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  21. @Batdan

    I already suggested that we hold a contest to see who can make the best "I would rather..." phrases, which describe what we would rather do than watch Irate Gamer's terrible videos, on this blog. You should see a previous post that contains submission rules and types of points.

    I decided to change Rule number 2 a bit, in which people are now allowed to take credit for any of these phrase on this blog due to them being posted by an Anon. @_@
    First come, first serve, people!!!

    And speaking of which, has Irate Gamer ever used an "I would rather..." phrase?

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  22. I would rather get Sodomised by getting Pineapples shoved up my ass by Joseph Stalin while I suck Adolf Hitler's dick, and at the same time being punched in the spine by Mike Tyson and having a rapid chipmunk chew off my dick. AND then afterwards being told by Jesus that I am going to hell for performing such perversion...

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  23. No.
    That's a terrible idea for a contest.

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  24. @Batdan
    Okay. :/
    Is there a contest you would hold, then?

    @Fattoler
    Creativity:10/10
    Two World War 2 dictators and an ex boxing champ are fine, but the pineapples are an unexpected treat.
    Length:3/5
    First sentence was pretty long, second sentence was short and ambiguous. Only two sentences...
    Grossness:8/10
    Did you know that Hitler had only one testicle?
    Swearing:3/5
    No instances of "fuck" or "shit"
    Total: 24/30
    Pretty good dude. :)

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  25. That split-second shot at 2:56 was there because he wanted that to be the video's thumbnail. Apparently he changed his mind.

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  26. @ThirdRateGamer

    But apparently John Madden makes a perfect thumbnail for the Where's Waldo Review.

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  27. @ThirdRateGamer
    Ah yes, similar to how people used to put a picture of boobs in order to attract viewers. Wait that still happens today from the scum of YouTube.

    @fattoler
    I still don't get how that happened. Maybe one of his "comment mods" was screwing around (does explain why the Goonies II thumbnail was a link to the YouChewPoop forum).

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  28. @BatDan

    By the way, I apologise for my previous "I would rather..." comment.

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  29. Speaking of Steve Urkel, AVGN did put a Steve Urkel joke in a review of his after IL(Irate Lamer)'s crap-fest. HOWEVER, not only was the joke not plagerism, but it also made sense! I've seen a video dealing with this, and if my memory serves me right, James put a pic Steve Urkel in his review because the guy who played Carl in Family Matters was also in Die Hard.

    In conclusion, Irate Lamer likes throwing stupid crap together, no matter how irrevelant it was to the review or to the subject of the review. That's one of the things about Irate Lamer that seem to bother me. He couldn't even get his jokes right in his halloween videos, despite his skeleton character from out of nowhere.

    Good thing he doesn't have as many subscribers as Youtube cheaters like ShaneDawson or Sexiphail, let alone Fred.

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  30. I knew this guy was an idiot the second he complained about not getting to refuse the mission. Like the controller glues itself to your fucking hands once you push start or something.

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  31. Did you catch the moment where he died on purpose in Stage 3 by falling off the platform? (and he infers it as a "flawl," when it isn't) "I've been playing these games for twenty years" Bores blasts the concept of turbo only firing three shots at a time, saying it sucks they'd do that. By his horrid logic, that'd mean Mega Man is crap.

    This wasn't Aladdin or his SMB2 "scandal" bad, but like the rest of his videos, it's up there.

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  32. "Actor Reginald VelJohnson played Sgt. Powell in Die Hard, but he’s better known as Officer Carl Winslow on Family Matters, the show with Steve Urkel. A running joke was Urkel doing something bad and asking “Did I Do That?” So the joke works here, because it’s a reference to two roles that one actor played."

    I missed the actors link, I just assumed he had Urkel in there as a joke about how unconnected the car explosion was from the rest of the game so they might as well have Urkel claim responsibility. Also, it came out less than three weeks after the Mission Impossible review, so I wouldn't have blamed him if he put it in there as a subtle 'fuck you' to Chris Bores for using "shitload of fuck".

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