GottGame officially has the WORST E3 coverage ever. Instead of releasing a whole bunch of footage over the course of two weeks, they slowly release it bit by bit, long after people stopped caring about E3.
Hell, they were still doing coverage when Comic-Con started. Just another reason why GottGame is ridiculed for being absolutely idiotic. That and they hired the Irate Gamer.
Which brings me to some good news, IG has FINALLY finished his E3 coverage. Now I can recap the rest of the boring.
When we last left our fool, he was drooling over games nobody cares about. Now, our conclusion.
Lufia: Curse of the Sinistrals
Before I talk about the video, I want to point out how he calls each video “Irate’s E3 Coverage”. Is he trying to say Irate is his first name? What’s wrong with saying “Chris Bores’ E3 Coverage”, at least it doesn’t sound stupid.
Bores mentions he had to check out Lufia. When he starts the interview, he turns to the title just to remind himself what he’s doing, smoooooth. Have to love how he slowly says Sinistrals.
He starts the interview claiming to be a big fan and the first game was one of the first RPGs he ever played. Screw you, we can tell you’re easily lying. You probably didn’t know Lufia existed until SWAG told you what it was.
Oh, and if you were such a fan you would have noticed this was a remake of Lufia II: Rise of the Sinestrals. It shouldn’t be that hard to replace Rise with Curse and put two and two together.
As for his questions, same old shit. Power-ups, characters, length, generic shit that could be applied to any game.
Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions
“Activision has been working on a new Spider-Man game that fans have been eagerly anticipating” I highly doubt that considering the last good Spider-Man game was released in 2004, the others have been forgettable or crap.
I think they don’t care anymore. Unless we get something on the level of Arkham Asylum, and honestly it looks like another forgettable Spider-Man game.
“To help unravel this tangled web…” Grrrr *stops* No I can’t get pissed too early, there’s still 10 videos after this.
Why does he have to look at the title when he announces the game? It seems like SWAG just told him “interview that guy over there” without giving him any real info.
What’s wrong with this guy’s accent? No not Bores, the guy he’s interviewing. He sounds like a French Game Dude.
His questions? Charcters, powers, levels and release date. Why did SWAG think Bores was good at interviewing? That GI Joe interview from 2009 should have been an indication that he shouldn’t do anymore interviews!
He also asks when the fourth one will be revealed and we’re told at Comic-Con. Turns out it was just Ultimate Spider-Man, big shocker.
Bonk: Brink of Extinction
Oh goody, another revival of a semi-forgotten 16-bit mascot.
“I was excited to see a new Bonk game!” Chris, do you even know what a TurboGrafx-16 is? Just wondering.
Surprise, he asks about the power-ups. Along with “is dis a throwback or remake?” I don’t know, why not the fact it’s in HD tell you?!
I’m not even listening to what the reps say, I just “spin on” to the next Bores question or voiceover.
Castlevania: Harmony of Despair
During his voiceover, you’ll notice he never says the games full title. It’s always “the new *game*” Like the new Castlevania, the new Bonk, the new Lufia. You were there Bores, say the full title in post!
“If you enjoyed the recent DS games, you’ll enjoy this.” No. I did some research and you don’t even gets stats in this game. If anything, it’s just an enhanced Boss Rush mode with co-op and extra rooms to give you stronger weapons.
“I really like the zoom feature, you can see what’s going in the castle. Vewy coo’” Actually the main purpose is to monitor the other players, it is a multiplayer game after all.
“I’m here playing Castlevania: Harmony of Despla- Despair” Really, you couldn’t do a second take? I’m sure the rep wouldn’t mind that.
And he asks about number of stages, of course.
“The graphics are a throwback to the 8-Bit version…” WHAT? Are you fucking serious? Nothing about that is remotely 8-Bit! My brain just imploded at the stupidity of that comment, it’s like he’s doing this on purpose.
This does go back to his TMNT II review when he suggested they remove the extra levels and put the “space” towards technical improvement. Or he’s just retarded.
Apparently he came to that conclusion because he noticed enemies from the original game. Wow, skeletons and bats, it’s not like any other game in existence has those!
1/3rd of the way done.
Saw II: Flesh & Blood
He mentions in the description he doesn’t know much about the series, and then makes an annoying Superman reference. Yeah I should remember Bores’ references make the same amount of sense as Family Guy.
The video actually starts with the interview. Hey cameraman, get both of them in the shot, don’t have the rep introduce himself off-screen.
Normally I won’t bring up what the interviewees say but I have to mention this. “It’s called Flesh & Blood because there’s a lot of blood and gore” Nooooooooooo really? Gore in a game based off a horror movie about torture?
Did Konami just send one of their janitors to talk to Bores? Though, considering their press conference that doesn’t sound too far off.
Sadly, the only idiotic thing was that Flesh & Blood comment.
Tron & Lara Croft and the Guardian of Light
IG goes to the Tron booth, and fangasms over the various Tron displays and the newest game Tron: Evolution (at least the Wii version of it). He follows that with A MONTAGE! GAAAAAA *static*
Is he faking it? I don’t think he’s using the motion controls correctly.
This is followed by ANOTHER montage, this one of Bores playing various games that are far more interesting than half the crap he’s covered. God of War: Ghost of Sparta, LittleBigPlanet 2, Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit, Dead Rising 2 (or as he calls it Deadrising, that’s not even a word!), NBA Jam, and Donkey Kong Country Returns. Yeah it’s the exact same montage as the one in the Pac-Man video. Though, looking at the upcoming videos he does cover the last two.
Why did he include Lara Croft and the Guardian of Light in the title? He only briefly mentions that game. He also talks about Guitar Hero: Warriors of Rock and DJ Hero 2. Feh, Rock Band 3 will destroy both of those games.
Why does he keep calling these “First Look Reviews”? They’re not reviews since the game isn’t complete, and they’re certainly as hell NOT first looks since this footage has been out for a while.
Yeah, it’s just a boring interview. He thinks that NBA Jam was the game to introduce hidden characters. NBA Jam was released in 1993, the first well-known hidden character was Reptile in Mortal Kombat and that came out in 1992. Hell, the secret character article at Wikipedia doesn’t even acknowledge NBA Jam. Spin on!
Sonic the Hedgehog 4
For some reason, this video has the most views. I did notice it on the front page a few times, I guess Bores used a certain code word to get it noticed.
“A lot of us called Sonic & Knuckles ‘Sonic 4’” Nobody called it that. It connected with Sonic 3, it’s the other half of Sonic 3 they couldn’t fit onto the initial cartridge. Thus the game’s full title “Sonic 3 & Knuckles”. At least the Sega Rep corrects him.
And his questions include length of the game and different characters. Fuck me this is dumb. He also claims to have read up on this game because he’s really excited for it. Bores can read?
During the interview, Bores is hit with a small toy. In the description he says it was a Sega rep that he was teasing earlier. Are you sure it wasn’t a person that knew who you were and that you’re a fraud?
IG mentions that he absolutely hated Unleashed. Dude, you’re in front of a Sega representative, don’t be a dick. At least Spoony expressed his true opinion AWAY from developers and reps. Also, you only played an hour of it, you didn’t get past the flying stages. You have no right to say that shit.
And of course, he asks about levels and characters. “Now will we see Knuckles and Tails?” You can see Tails in the trailer! Ugh. Only three more videos left.
The next video isn’t E3 related. Rather it’s a follow-up to Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions, talking about the fourth character’s reveal at Comic-Con.
“A couple weeks ago, I reviewed Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions” You didn’t fucking review it. You barely even talked about it, you just asked some French guy a few generic questions. There’s a difference between “review” and “preview”. LEARN IT!
The rest of the video is just the trailer. The BlackBuster Critic brought up that he hopes Bores isn’t getting money from this video because he didn’t do a damn thing, 90% of the video is the trailer.
Donkey Kong Country Returns & Kirby’s Epic Yarn
Well, at least the title of the video has the word preview in it. But it still says First Look and Review, missing the point there Bores.
The video starts with Bores drooling over Donkey Kong Country Returns, with plenty of forced “vewy coo’” and “FAN-tastic”. “A new stomping the ground technique” Nooo, you can do that in the original DKC. Down + Y.
He also mentions 2-player co-op but would have liked it to be 4-player like “the Mario title”. Is that hard to say New Super Mario Bros. Wii?
He asked a representative if the old bosses would be back, along animals you can ride. Obviously they didn’t tell him because Nintendo likes to keep things secret. You should know this.
“Another new title on display was the Kirby game” Good lord you can’t even read the sign! What’s wrong with saying the full title?
He found the game weird and couldn’t full appreciate it. You just don’t know quality when you see it.
3DS and Wrap-Up
Finally, the last damn video.
He tells us this video is sponsored by Gamer Grub. What’s Gamer Grub? Flavored chips, said to help you be a better gamer. Sorry, Mountain Dew already beat you.
Bores begins by telling us things we already know. This is nothing new Bores, stop wasting time.
He also shows off a picture he took. That picture looks nothing like E3, and the quality is way too high. Obviously he just took a random picture of himself and shopped it onto a stock 3DS photo.
So he moves onto the games, oh joy. “a new Star Fox game”. It’s not a new game, it’s a remake of Star Fox 64. There’s a difference.
“Now the last feature I must mention is one a lot of my fans will appreciate” Okay then… “Not only can you download classic NES games, but they can be converted into 3D! How coo’ is that?” Your fans would appreciate this? Dude, your fans are like 12, they don’t care about the games. They only like the Jewish skeletons, the annoying Star Wars references, and cutaway gags. That’s the truth.
Bores lists off all the classic demos he played. Ending on *sighs* Super Mario World. Yeah, once again he called Super Mario World an NES game. I still can’t believe people think he’s legit, he’s made this mistake TWICE. Fucking proles! Blind to talent and quality, growing dumber every single day! GAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
EDIT: Turns out the demo did have Super Mario World and Yoshi's Island. But he only said NES games, so it makes the inclusion of SMW sound unbelievably uninformed.
Bores FINALLY wraps it up, standing in front of a sign that says “Creativity Unleashed”. Cue the irony thud.
He just recaps all the stuff he saw and that there was so much he couldn’t get to. “E3 is finally over” yeah it was over a month ago. We’ve moved on.
And that’s the end of it, including a shot of Bores trying to look going down an escalator. No, it will never work.
Ugh. It’s finally over, his E3 shit is done! I hope he NEVER goes again, because that fuckhead doesn’t deserve it.
Now he’s going to start another review. As in, start the review from scratch. No, working on it during the E3 videos would make too much sense.
Considering his slow pace, the next review will come out in… late September. Labor Day if we’re lucky.
I also want to bring up that Bores has removed the original Zombies Ate My Neighbors review, only the remastered version is up. He even tries to disguise it by removing “Remastered” from the title (but the idiot forgot to remove it from the description). Oddly enough, the old MUSCLE review is still up. I don’t get it.
But you know what’s funny about the Internet? Someone will always find a way to repost it.
See you guys later.