First off, I'd like to thank zonic94 for reminding me that today is my blog's one year anniversary!
Last year, I set out to prove to the Internet that Chris Bores was more than just an AVGN rip-off. He was a liar, a bad actor, a terrible writer, a fake gamer, and a douchebag.
I wanted to show that his videos had nothing that could be considered "entertainment".
61 followers and lots of support later, I'm glad to still be here picking apart The Bores. Despite the objections of some insane fanboys.
I'd like to thank the following people:
nodategamers: For inspiring me to make this blog, even if you actually like IG now.
FFL2and3rocks: For the Third-Rate Gamer series and his support.
DLAbaoaqu: For the I Can't Believe It's Not AVGN series and his support.
MatthewErich: For showing just how lazy Bores' videos are and his support.
St. Lizard: For his info and support.
Mike *****: For plugging this blog when he gets the chance and his support.
All my readers: Without you this wouldn't be as popular as it is now.
Thank you everyone.
Right now, it's time to continue through the muck of IG's E3 2010 videos. Hunker down people this is going to hurt.
Last time, The Bores was drooling over Lego Harry Potter while standing next to a Hagrid statue attempting a joke. Seriously, Lego Irate Gamer is not a joke. Nothing about it is a joke.
* Fun Fact: In the YouTube version of this video, Bores fixed Hermione's name.
Maybe Bores should do that from now on, upload his videos to GottGame, receive messages about his mistakes, and then try to fix them. Then again, the only other time he did that was Tekken 6 and that made it worse.
He also lied about being a fan of the F.E.A.R. series.
And now, the continuation.
Star Wars video:
- Bores briefly talks about Lego Star Wars III: The Clone Wars. He notes that fans of the series might enjoy this. Is it any wonder why Bores steals? His own writing is barely grade-school.
- He also talks about The Old Republic. He sounded annoyed that despite covering it last year, they're still working on it. Hey genius, video games take time to develop. If you rush it you get a terrible game. You know, like ET on the Atari 2600. Oh, and he talks about the visuals. Next game.
- Bores moves on to The Force Unleashed II. "It picks up right where the first game left off." You play as Starkiller in the first game, you play as Starkiller in the second game. Of course it's going to pick up where the first one left off. Then he pads the video with the trailer.
- This video starts with a montage of Bores looking at games that I'm actually interested in. Sonic 4 & Sonic Colors (with a picture of him standing next to a Sonic statue), Marvel vs. Capcom 3 (the aftermath of his ass-whooping, man that match is hilarious), and Castlevania: Lords of Shadow (there's a weird cut where after the Castlevania footage, he's swinging a Wii-mote around. Lords of Shadow isn't coming to the Wii).
- What does Bores say about these games? Absolutely nothing. I have a feeling that SWAG covered all the games people actually want, and Bores was stuck with garbage. After this and the following two videos, my theory isn't too far off.
- "After a Vietnamese army invaded, it was time to call it a day." What kind of sense does that make? Were they even Vietnamese? I don't get it.
* Fun Fact: In Keith Apicary's E3 videos, he actually stood in their line hoping they were off to kill somebody. He's not a coward, he even made G4 entertaining (a very hard feat to pull off).
- Bores attends Namco's Pac-Man event, celebrating his 30th anniversary. He also shows off two new Pac-Man games. ... I'm overjoyed.
- He talks about Pac-Man Party. Some mini-games he found fun, others he found boring. That's all he says. Because this is what people want to see at E3, a Pac-Man party game. Guh.
- He also looks at Pac-Man Battle Royale, a 4-player competitive version of Pac-Man. Great, more games I could care less about. Yeah, it's Pac-Man he's an icon, but if I wanted to play Pac-Man I could play one of the MANY ports out there.
-- That's not all. We get a montage of Bores trying to win the game. He actually does get a victory, though I wonder how many attempts it took to get that shot. His win causes a forced reaction and I still don't care.
* Fun Fact: Pac-Man Battle Royale is an Arcade exclusive, and there are currently no plans to make a console version. Poor Namco, still thinking Arcades are successful in America.
- The rest of the video is Bores taping this unfunny, 3D Pac-Man cartoon. Even IG's stupid fans called foul on this horrendous cartoon, and considering they're his fans that's saying a lot.
- I saw this title and had no idea what it was. A quick Wikipedia search told me it was computer-program where you can upload your videos to Yoostar's site. It was initially released in Bloomingdale's, that's a good sign right there. The sequel is expanding to the PS3 and 360. I'm going to laugh when I walk into a GameStop or Best Buy and see a ton of copies still on the shelf.
- The video starts with an interview, god damn it. Bores is talking to Shawn, oh hey he actually gave his name.
-- He describes Yoostar as "movie karaoke", you can put yourself into any of your favorite movie scenes. Okay, on paper it sounds interesting. Let's see how it's executed.
- Shawn performs the scene from The Terminator where the T-800 walks into the police station looking for Sarah Conner. ... And just as I thought, it looks like something that will be fun ONCE. I don't see the incentive in playing this more than once, even Achievement Whores would get bored.
- Bores tries it himself and does the same exact scene. Adding Arnold Schwarzenegger to the list of "people Chris Bores can't impersonate".
-- He also gets 8000 points for his performance. I saw some people cry foul on this, but I can see how he got it. The Terminator has no emotion, and Chris Bores can't show emotion outside of monotone. It makes sense.
- IG continues the interview, marveling over the technology. It doesn't look any different from a green screen, and you use those all the time.
-- Shawn advertises the studios they signed for and some of the movies you can play with. You know, if I wanted to play something related to The Terminator I wouldn't want to just say his lines. I want to kill the cops & thugs, I want to chase Sarah Conner, I want to turn good and save John Conner, I want to fight the T-1000.
- Turns out he only had two questions, because IG moves onto a later event with Leonard Nimoy testing out Yoostar 2. However, Nimoy does the exact same scene. Couldn't this demo have any other scenes for people to try out?
- This is followed by a "private" press conference with Nimoy and Zoe Saldana. You know, Uhara from the 2009 film. I still don't care.
-- Also, it's not a private conference if we can see it! To, once again, quote Inigo Montoya "You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means."
- So the rest of the video is just this boring conference promoting Yoostar 2, with shots of Bores standing there cut into it. Skipping to the end, Bores remarks that it was awesome seeing them.
It doesn't matter how many Star Trek cast members endorse your game, I will NEVER buy it. It looks like a waste of money.
* Fun Fact: Naughty Bear came out last week. So once again, Bores looks at a video game that came out within a month of E3. Reviews are mixed and honestly it doesn't look fun, it just looks sad (I like Teddy Bears, sue me).
- After a montage of footage, we get another interview. Bores remarks that it doesn't look like a kids game and calls it "Care Bears on Steroids", no it looks more like the Gummi Bears on meth. His first question is "What is the intended audience for this game?"
... SWAG don't bring Bores to E3 anymore, otherwise he'll ask stupid questions like that. "I can tell it's not a kid's game, so who's the target audience?" Use your brain Chris.
-- Oh, and the representative is just "Naughty Bear Rep". No names this time? I guess Shawn really wanted people to know about Yoostar 2.
- Bores then asks about the weapons and the consoles it's on. Video done, I'm out!
Actually, I just want to mention that the YouTube ratings show far too many "likes" and very little "dislikes" for the E3 videos. It isn't like his Irate Gamer videos where it shows A LOT of dislikes (sometimes equal). I don't know, I just find it bothersome.
Until next time.