Sunday, January 9, 2011

More History Oh Joy

IG started History of Video Games in May 2009. After 20 months he’s only on Part 4. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, give it up Chris. You’re never going to finish this at the pace you’re going, and your voice only makes this tedious series worse. You’re not Ken Burns, you can’t make this interesting.

*sighs* Here we go, History of Video Games Part 4. This one about Pong Consoles and the “war” between Atari and Magnavox. A war oh please. Nintendo vs. Sega was a war, this was far too early to be considered one.

Intro: Bores was kind enough to remove that “For over 35 years” garbage, so that’s one merit towards this. It won’t save the rest though.

0:06 - 0:47: IG starts talking over stock footage that’s obviously not from the 70s as he mentions other games released by Atari like Pursuit (released under Kee Games), Anti-Aircraft, and Tank II.
“The sequel to the hit Tank game called Tank II” Nooo, this is a sequel to Tank? I thought it was a sequel to Patton.

“They also released a game called Jawls” Oh he means Jaws. Actually, the game is called “Shark Jaws” and it was intended to be a tie-in but they couldn’t secure the license so they added “Shark”.
“Here’s a fast fact” What’s the difference between a fast fact and a slow fact?
He brings up how Shark Jaws was released under “Horror Games” a pseudo-company made to avoid legal trouble. Gee, this would’ve been a nice thing to bring up in the previous video,. You know, with KEE GAMES! Oh but he couldn’t include that, he had to make room for more effects.

He then brings up clones of the game that did poorly. You know what would make this interesting? Morgan Freeman. Yeah, his voice can make anything great. In fact, I’m going to go watch the Shawshank Redemption right… *sighs* Just keep going Daniel.

0:48 - 1:09: IG talks about the game Steeplechase, which amounts to explaining how you play the game. This sets up… oh God.

1:10 - 2:07: We cut to Bores in front of his green screen as he’s about to try the game out. Oh goody, just like last time he pretends he’s in an OH MY GOD!
Instead of showing footage of the game, we get different colored Bores representing the horses. Actually, it’s Bores wearing the same thing only he colored himself in After Effects to represent a different “horse”.
Then we get a long padding sequence of him running with the 7th player (the computer) winning. Inter-cut with shots of him puffing out his cheeks, oh he’s supposed to be angry. He ends it by giving that same look he gave after getting curb-stomped at Marvel vs. Capcom 3 (indifference).

Why? What purpose did this scene serve? I imagine this is where the hours went. Not into research, not into writing, but this one fucking scene. There’s no humor in it, there’s no reason this needs to exist. Oh God it happened again, I’ve gone insane from sheer stupidity.
*meditates* There

I should also mention he did the Ed Wood thing again. He was in front of his green screen, then when he was playing he was in a real arcade, then the last shot was in front of his green screen. Does he really think this is good editing?

2:08 - 2:45: Bores starts talking about the home console version of Pong.
“This simplistic design had four buttons” So knobs = buttons now? Next you’ll be telling me you can zip a padlock.
“A player one knob, a player two knob, a switch to turn it on, and reset button” OH MY GOD WHY DO YOU NEED TO EXPLAIN THIS?! We’re not stupid!
Chris brings up that it’s also in color, prompting him to dress up like a hippie and marvel at the colors. Hippie jokes! Appropriate when talking about the history of video games.

2:46 - 3:19: He brings up in order to power it up you’ll need 4 D Batteries, and notices a warning that says to replace the batteries if the game is acting erratic. You’re bringing this up because…?
Maybe we’ll get the answer in ANOTHER FUCKING MONTAGE! You’re playing with yourself! Why is this and that damn rock music needed?! Good thing it’s a short one.
The montage ends when the ball goes through the TV causing a small explosion. You don’t have to blow everything up Bores. Especially when it’s… wait didn’t the AVGN do this already? Yeah, in the Nintendo Days Re-Revisted episode when he almost lands the plane in Top Gun and it flies out of the screen. Only he didn’t use an explosion to make this happen.
So yeah, that’s the punch line with the batteries. If this video isn’t mind-numbingly boring, it’s painfully unfunny.

3:20 - 3:51: More history, more I don’t care. We get some stock footage of a couple exchanging gifts that he obviously didn’t credit and he remarks that the year Pong was released began the "home game video console" era. Is that even a real term?

Oh hey, he got his Odyssey back. So is the History series in conjunction with the regular one or is it separate? Make up your mind, did Evil Gamer take your Odyssey to revive HAL or not? I… ugh.

3:51 - 4:35: Bores moves on to the Odyssey 100, claiming they released it to replace the Odyssey. No, the Odyssey could play more than Pong. All the numbered Odyssey consoles could do was play Pong or a variation of it.
Blah blah blah more boring man this is taking forever.

4:36 - 4:57: Here he talks about the Odyssey 200 and what it added and I so don’t give a crap.

4:57 - 5:16: He proceeds to talk about Super Pong and how it has four games. No, Atari did not release it to compete with Magnavox, they released it because Pong was successful and they wanted to improve it. So they released Super Pong.

In fact, the various Odyssey consoles weren’t made to compete with Atari. They were just simpler versions of the Odyssey that sold for much less than the original. The only “war” between Atari and Magnavox was a lawsuit that was mostly settled out of court.

5:17 - 5:56: Bores then brings up the Odyssey 300 and how a lot of changed. He mentions the difficulty settings and calls the hardest one stupid, asking why you would play like this. Maybe someone wants a challenge?
“As long as we’re getting stupid here, why don’t we just add in a horse racing mode” and he adds the Steeplechase gag from earlier. Well he’s done it twice so prepare for a third. I imagine it will be just as unfunny.

5:57 - 6:24: He starts crying about Magnavox releasing the Odyssey 400 and 500 in the same year as the 300. Noting how the 400 goes back to the “3 button system” (those are knobs, you don’t press knobs).
The Odyssey 400 is an updated version of the 200, adding a scoring system. The Odyssey 500 gives the players human features, that should be obvious just by looking at the games.

6:24 - 6:41: He doesn’t understand why Magnavox would release those two in the same year, but realizes it might not be crazy since the market was flooded with Pong consoles.
“Wow, that’s a lot of fucking Pong!” So you’re back to cursing? You don’t even care anymore do you?

6:42 - 7:23: IG remarks on the large amount of Pong but only one company stood out, Coleco with the Telstar.
He says that when playing it, you’ll notice eerie similarities to the Odyssey 300. Pointing out the same games and visuals. This is where your research falls.
The Telstar and the Odyssey 300 used the same video game chip, the AY-3-8500. Hundreds of Pong consoles around the world used this chip so it makes sense they would look similar!
He then brings up Coleco selling the Telstar for $50 dollars. Oh hey, something that’s correct. That’s a rarity in these videos.

7:24 - 7:50: He brings up Atari having to deal with Arcade competitors, as he says this he’s playing an Arcade game that’s obviously modern.
He brings up how Gremlin, Taito, and Sega entered their hat into the competition (it should be noted that at the time Sega was working with Gremlin since he doesn’t bring up this fact). But then he gets into controversy! (DUN DUN DUN)

7:51 - 8:44: IG begins talking about Destruction Derby.
“The goal here” *circles the playable car* Seriously? You really had to green circle that? Ugh, moving on.
He then talks about the follow-up Death Race, and shows the objective of the game. Running over people as they let out a scream. By the way, amazing delivery on that “Holy Crap!” Bores. You could give Keanu Reeves a run for his lack of emotion.
Blah blah blah debates news violence who cares?
IG brings up how the controversy helped the game rather than hurt it. Well yeah, controversy sells. Just take a look at the PMRC (I know that happened after this but still…)

8:45 - 9:23: IG starts talking about Midway. First he goes into Gun Fight.
He says the objective is to shoot the other player while dodging cactus and stagecoaches. So, the cactus goes after you or did you confuse the word “dodge” with “avoid hitting”.
“And the occasional stampede?” Guess what it is? The fucking Steeplechase gag! Grraaaaaaaaah!
Unsurprisingly, his fans are gushing over this gag. One day, aliens will arrive and wipe out the ignorant. We will then enter an era of peace lasting hundreds of years. It will be glor- oh right the video.
He then provides another “fast fact”. That’s not a clever phrase Bores.

9:24 - 9:48: He goes on to talk about Sea Wolf and how it uses a periscope.
“This concept was very unique, and it helped turn this game into a popular” A popular what? Seriously, that’s what he says. Did something get messed up in post?

9:49 - 10:21: He goes back to talking about Atari and starts discussing the game Breakout. He then explains how it works… I hate you.
He also notes how the game was made by Steve Jobs. WRONG! Alcorn assigned Jobs to make the prototype who in turn assigned it to Steve Wozniak. Wozniak made the protoype, Jobs had nothing to do with it. Both Wozniak and Jobs founded Apple (along with Ronald Wayne). Either way, you’re wrong! But that’s commonplace for you isn’t it Bores?

The video ends with Bores going on about the industry getting stale and repetitive (yep, stale and repetitive… sorry). That’s really it. He doesn’t say what Part 5 will have and I’m really hoping it never comes.

*collapses* Ugh what a dumb video. If it wasn’t making me pull my hair out from the awful humor, it was boring me to death with inaccurate facts. As usual the fans didn’t care for the history, only for the idiotic jokes that shouldn’t belong! *sighs*

What’s next for me? Well, Bores promised a Kirby’s Epic Yarn review. I guess I’ll do some Redux Recaps as well. Maybe shift focus towards starting my own show (I’ve been trying to for years… money issues). See you all later.


Sources:
Pong-Story http://www.pong-story.com/intro.htm
Atari Museum: http://www.atarimuseum.com/mainmenu/mainmenu.html
Wikipedia (I know, but these days Wikipedia is much stricter on accurate information)

40 comments:

  1. You have your own show? Tell us about it, if you haven't already.

    Also I'd like to point out that there are small dots that seem to move with Bores in the Steeplechase act:

    http://i106.photobucket.com/albums/m274/DanieI/what-1.png

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  2. Regarding the Nintendo Days ReRevisited AVGN episode: What did you think of it?

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  3. @pohger
    I used to have one in High School but it sucked ass due to limitations. I only had 2 minutes, there was a lot I couldn't say, and I wasn't allowed to review M-Rated games or even most T-Rated games. It sucked.

    I haven't been able to start a new one due to procrastination and financial reasons. The latter reason being that I have standards and I don't want to be shown on a shitty webcam or have a camera facing my TV.

    @Arthur
    It was pretty good episode. I enjoyed it.

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  4. Also, what's your Youtube account?

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  5. I spoke with LadyBuggin777 about this video, and she said that AVGN ripped of IG. My response? Basically, I said that AVGN ripped off of IG over a year before IG even made the thing was an absurd idea.

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  6. @Arthur
    http://www.youtube.com/user/BatDanNight

    @jodanranger
    Wow she is nuts. If she was a little kid it would be kind of understandable but she's in her 50s.

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  7. I will never understand the people who mindlessly defend IG. Usually I will listen to someone's opinion if they are mature about it, and if they have good reasons, usually whenever I ask an IG fan why they like IG, they usually go off on a rant saying that I must be an "AVGN Nazi" because as we all know, if you don't like IG, your automatically an AVGN fanboy. I'll bet anything that LadyBuggin goes by the same logic.

    Grow up fanboys, or better yet, shut up fanboys.

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  8. Nice blog entry. I did go to Wikipedia earlier and found out the real info after reading some of the comments on the video. I had a feeling that Bores got the info wrong and what do you know he did get it wrong.

    What videos are you planning to make a Redux Recap?

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  9. @AikoujiOi
    The next redux recap is his Predator video, that is when I feel like getting to it.

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  10. Wow, 4 videos in 20 months? At this rate we should reach the SNES in 15 years.

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  11. @AikoujiOi
    Isn't it kinda sad that Bores can even get Wikipedia info wrong?

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  12. To think I get annoyed when I miss one episode of my own *weekly* show, and that's due to genuine commitments. Does Bores have any of those?

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  13. ^If by genuine commitments you mean laying around all day doing nothing at all and putting very little work into his next video every other year, then yes. Yes he does.

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  14. According to the comments, the 8-bit sprites on his wall at the end of the video were made by Bores himself. Out of wood.

    Somehow I find this hilarious.

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  15. @jodanranger

    I would agree, it is kinda sad.

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  16. @Zinger314
    Ah yes, he stated that a while ago on his site. I find it hard to believe considering how detailed they are.

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  17. @Zinger314

    It's not made out of wood. This stuff is pixelblocks, IG just put some paint on it. Just take a really good look.

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  18. At this rate, we will be at a retirement home the time bores reaches wii/ps3/xbox360.

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  19. Yeah once again Bores gets lazy and relies heavily on stock footage he bought from Digital Juice's library....the city and Christmas footage really sticks out because Bores is incapable of shooting video that looks that good. And how sad is its that he could not find anyone to play Pong w/ him :-( Boo Hoo

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  20. I posted (in the trailer video) that smart people compare Irate Gamer to ALL paid reviewers, not just AVGN. Here's a response to that post:

    "Yes, compare an Internet reviewer like IG to paid reviewers. Oh wait, comparing angry reviewers to professional reviewers exposes _all_ angry reviewers to be hacks. Logic fail?"

    I am seriously starting to think they like to fall on the "two wrongs make a right" idea.

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  21. These HoVG videos are so unfunny and boring it's hard to come up with a witty comment. I've got nothing.

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  22. Bet you a million bucks the Bores made the video because of James' "Pong Consoles" video last year...

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  23. His horse-racing is more tired-out than a Morbid obese kid running

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  24. Heh, I posted a comment yesterday, expecting it to make a clusterfuck of his fanboys to respond to me, but surprisingly, I got more people to agree with me.

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  25. I'm really tired of Chris trying to come off as a legitimate gamer. I wouldn't have a problem with it if it were some little kid trying to show off some facts that he found out online to his friends but this is a grown man climbing to be a professional. That being said, those who don't know anything about the concept of gaming that stumble upon the video will acknowledge his lies as fact. That being said, he is a plauge on the gaming community.

    @batdan

    Actually, I've always pondered why you've never gone into video game reviews. I truly hope you'll be able to start in the near future. You may just be the nest I-Mockery (I love that guy).

    On an unrelated note, I'm happy to say Doug Walker won the Entrepreneur of the Year.

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  26. The Steeplechase sequence was, as far as I'm concerned, the final nail in the coffin of Bores's credibility. Unlike some of his shots where he flies a spaceship or whatever, that looks like a fair bit of work went into that. But why the hell would you put so much effort into something so stupid? And why trot it out three times? I can understand wanting to get your money's worth out of something a lot of time and effort went into, but unless I'm mistaken even he realized how dumb it was. How could he not realize how dumb it was while he was making it? I catch most of my bad ideas before I've wrapped an entire writing project.

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  27. @BigStoneRocks
    You know, even the small-time "angry" reviewers get paid. Haven't they heard of Blip?

    @thecruiser8490
    Yeah, most of the praise towards IG comes from dumb kids and that one guy that spends all day responding to negative comments. You know, the troll with the similar name to mine?

    @VinceThePhilospher
    Heh thanks.
    I've heard from Armake that Bores stole from I-Mockery. I can't find his reviews on his site. Any idea where they are?

    @starofjustice
    The only time I can think of him removing a dumb idea was the Educational Mario Games video with the Mastercard joke (that he included in a Bloopers video). It didn't matter because the joke that was used was horrifying and nonsensical.

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  28. 1. He mispronounced "Taito".

    2. He still thinks its better to go of topic with pointless skits instead of making a credible retrospective of gaming history (Icons did it but why cant bores?)

    3. Looking forward to seeing that epic yarn review. SOOOOOOO want to see what he has to say just so it can be torn to shreds. Seriously I'm figuring it'll be either the not dying thing (ironic) or that beacuse of it, it can be beaten fairly quickly by rushing but I have no doubt it my head it'll be noting credible or that couldnt be easily countered

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  29. Who will bet that when the Irate Gamer is playing Kirby's Epic Yarn, he will have an extremely low gem count when he is playing the levels?

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  30. Let me ask you guys something, what makes you so sure he will make a review for Kirby's Epic Yarn? Have you guys fogotten how many promises the irategamer has broke? He promised to have this video up by the Holidays, but he uploaded it AFTER Christmas is over. Also in his summer movies videos he says that he will review each movie when they come out, and he reviewed only two last year.

    I really doubt he will ever make that review.

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  31. I have a feeling people with photoshop and sony vegas are going to have a field day with the "Steeplechase" scene.

    http://i600.photobucket.com/albums/tt88/vicviper592/other/boresbike.png

    If only I have AudioTune so I can make a SigSig parody with this. :p

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  32. A most amusing thought just came to mind: Can you imagine Bores trying to review a Pokemon game? Oh good god that would be so great...

    @Batdan

    Well, can someone besides I-Mockery post a review on his website? If so, I confused him with someone called Dr.Boogie.

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  33. @BatDan
    You just gotta admire how that troll sticks to his guns.

    This whole series feels like it's going to take 28 parts to catch up to today (and "today" will be much later when, and if, part 28 rolls around). 4 parts in and he's still covering the era of integrated game-in-a-box consoles? Will he get around to the Atari VCS aka the 2600 very soon?

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  34. you wanna know what was the 2nd ultimate ephydemy of bullshit in this video, aside from the stolen footage

    THAT stupid ass pose that bores does when he stops on an obstacle in the Steeplechase gag?, i mean what?, does he even triying?, last time i checked, when you run toward something and run on an obstacle, you dont pose in an awkward position, you either trip or fall flat out in your FACE!, (trust me i know about this).

    but that stupid pose, THAT STUPID POSE!!!!!!, as the whole thing wasnt bad enough!

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  35. @Gatuca
    It reminds me of Family Guy. EVERY time someone falls over their arm is always twisted around their back. Nobody falls like that!

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  36. @Batdan

    You tend to compare Chris to Family Guy a lot. Do you dislike Family Guy? (I personally loathe the show and think Seth MacFarlene is a complete jackass).

    @Gatuca

    Well, you what how Bores is. "Dur hur, I did it cause it was sooo funny! Don't explain the joke!" Speaking of which, I noticed something when watching his Harvey Birdman review for a second time. He claims that his show has a dry sense of humor then shows the Echer painting joke from his Q*Bert review. "What do think this is buddy, an Eshner painting? I don't think so!". When he did that joke he showed the image of an Echer painting meaning he EXPLAINED THE JOKE. It's not dry humor unless you have to take time to think about it. In other words, Chris really doesn't comprehend the concept of humor.

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  37. @Vince

    I think is more than obvious that Dan dislikes Family Guy and is even more obvious the comparisions with Bores, because the whole thing is about a desperate attempt at beign funny regardless of who you gonna piss off, (like when family guy offends people just for the sake of attention, similar to how bores bashed great games on stupid reasons and lies) and the pointless cheap humors (in Family Guy the cutaway gags and overlydone references and with Bores......well, pretty much the same.)

    Also you wanna know what i hated about family guys, The Fast Motion of some things that happen, or how teh characters move, yeeeaaah that only shows more than this show is done on flash.........lame.

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  38. I don't care for IG but on your comment about when he stops after the word popular... he actually says:


    “This concept was very unique, and it helped turn this game into a popular one.”

    the word one is very soft, still it's not great use of English.

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  39. 2:44 has him as the Hippie. Anyone else reminded of Lewis Lovhaug's 90s Kid from Atop the Fourth Wall? He's even appeared as 60s Kid once.

    Oh, and I love how he kept that scene about two seconds too long after "Far Out",embarassingly staring at the camera with a confused grin.

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  40. Bores isn't a real gamer. He fails to realize that we can spot our own, we know when people who claim to be gamers are full of shit.

    Blistered Thumbs is not better imo. The only thing that makes it good is Ashens. Spoony is a egotistic shitbag and Angry Joe is so hammy he could replace the dude on the ShamWoW commercials.

    Bores has broken down to whoring himself out for subs. You can get if you sign up. Yeah, right...or i could go to Ebay with 20 bucks and buy it.

    The only good thing is more and more gamers are starting to realize that he does indeed suck. Reviewing new games will be the death-knell of Bores, when he was bashing games that are 20+ years old his 12 y/o fantards didn't care....but bashing games they actually like? Watch out.

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