Saturday, September 24, 2011

HE-MAN and the Painful Action Figure Review!

God damn, Bores is actually doing stuff. A new channel layout, updates to his site, some stuff I missed, and the subject of this recap.
A lot of that other stuff will be brought up soon, but time for more of his “I’m such an 80s kid, don’t you other 80s kids enjoy this?” garbage.

So we’re going to see IG talk about He-Man action figures. I could be crude, but I want to try and conduct myself with a little class.
Personally, I don’t get He-Man. The cartoon is utter shit, and I really don’t care for action figures in general. Sure if something looks cool I’ll grab it, but I don’t go out of my way to collect them.

“This time Irate covers He-man and how it revolutionized the Action figures paradigm.” What does that even mean?! Ugh, start the video…

0:05 - 0:16: Okay seriously? This crowded desk isn’t working, it’s just intrusive. It’s like Bores doesn’t care if they listen, he just shoves a whole bunch of shit in front of the camera hoping that’s enough to keep their attention.
“Just happened to be the very first thing I collected as a kid” That explains a lot… well it explains something.

0:17 - 0:30: We get some stock footage that’s obviously not from the 80s as IG goes into the history of He-Man that he took directly from Wikipedia. I can search “Masters of the Universe” too Chris.
“They ended releasing a barbarian line of action figures called *pause* He-Man” You seem to be forgetting that the overall name of this franchise is Masters of the Universe. Yes I know most kids didn’t care for that name but you’re not a kid anymore.

0:30 - 0:48: He goes into the first series of figures, proceeding to list them off. He ends on Beast-Man, prompting a green-screen effect with IG jumping next to the figure and growling. Was that necessary? Did that joke add ANYTHING to this? It’s like he’s saying “Look what I can do everyone! Aren’t I awesome?” Fuck’s sake…
*looks at his face* You really need to take laxatives, that can’t be healthy for you.

0:48 - 1:09: Blah blah blah, animated tie-in, never been done before, yeah yeah yeah. You know, this could be interesting if I didn’t know what happens later in the video. This is going to get really bad.

1:10 - 1:39: Pffft, wow. Nice “80s TV”. Who knew flat screens that nice existed in 1983? And with Comcast cable too!
He starts listing off series 2 characters, ending on Faker… except he’s not there. This is where things get really bad. It cuts to Skeletor watching Bores, and… really? Are we really doing this? *downs Vicodin” Okay.
Skeletor here is Bores wearing his Ronnie mask with a blue hood and blue-tinted skin. Oh God he’s not wearing a shirt!
“You idiotic show host” Well, at least he’s right about one thing, he is idiotic.
For some reason, Skeletor took IG’s action figure of Faker. Why? Well, hopefully we’ll get an explanation.

1:40 - 2:00: He goes into series 3, thankfully he spares us and only lists a handful of the figures in that set. He holds up Kobra Khan and sprays himself in the face. Just to show it can do that I guess? No, it’s more “wackiness”.

2:00 - 2:14: IG brings up the vehicles, accessories, and playsets. And since we can’t have list without a “zany” joke, the camera zooms in onto one of the sets, the door opens and IG is using his green screen to pretend he’s in it. Then the Beast-Man figure shows up to scare him. You know, this is just delving into “why is this needed” on endless loop, and it’s really grating on my nerves.
EDIT: I missed this before, but Bores doesn't actually own the playsets. If you look closely you can see their just pictures imposed onto his desk. Thanks to the Necro Critic for pointing this out.

2:15 - 2:45: He brings up that 1985 was a big year for He-Man due to the theatrical He-Man & She-Ra movie. And it’s just as shit as the cartoon.
“I remember seeing this movie in the theaters as a kid, and it was awesome!” You were five, take off the goggles, and watch it again.
This leads into listing a few of the series 4 figures. You know, there are people on YouTube that review action figures, power to them. They can make an interesting and entertaining product, I’ve seen TJOmega’s Plastic Addict videos. The issue here is Bores isn‘t “reviewing“ them, he’s just saying their names and displaying them on camera. For someone that does care enough about action figures, is this respectful or just plain dumb?

2:46 - 3:07: He goes on about how the movie was really a bridge between He-Man and She-Ra. How He-Man is being written out and She-Ra will replace him. Thus establishing the pattern that movies based on shows based on toys are all about advertising the newest pieces of plastic. Sometimes they’ll get fucking dark like Transformers. But screw actually bringing this up!
He mentions series 5 but thankfully he doesn’t list them since they’re She-Ra villains, and notes how the other She-Ra toys were mainly for girls. How’d you figure that one out Poirot?

3:08 - 3:23: The figures are on their last legs, and IG mentions how series 6 was the last to come out. Really? Cause I’m looking up the He-Man Wiki and it lists a seventh series. Granted there were only two figures total, and they were just He-Man & Skeletor repackaged with lasers, but at least mention it.
IG mentions that series 6 has the now hard-to-find Sorceress figure… and IG proceeds to hit on her. I thought we were done with this creepy shit Bores? What’s worse is he edits her face to make her look interested. What have I said about the fan fiction?

3:23 - 3:44: IG moves onto the 2002 relaunch and takes out a paper bag with the new figures. Once again, listing them off while putting their 80s counterpart next to them. All he says is that they look impressive. And for added wackiness, he gets sprayed by Kobra Khan again. Cause that wasn’t moronic the first time.
EDIT: When listing off the figures, he's showing both versions of Tri-Klops but calls him Man-E-Faces. Thanks to the Necro Critic for pointing this out.
I won't berate Bores because he actually acknowledged it in the description. However, this leads to him saying he'll release a fixed "master version" for DVD. HE'S PLANNING A DVD OF THIS! If that cartoon footage is still there, Mattel is going to sue him hard. Or whoever owns the rights now.

3:45 - 4:03: We get to the “rating” and given his last two episodes, it’s pretty obvious what it’s going to get here.
“This one’s another Nostalgic Overload” *throws hands up* WHAT DO YOU KNOW I’M PSYCHIC! Look, you can’t expect people to take this seriously when EVERYTHING is a “Nostalgic Overload”. People lose interest. Especially when you barely release videos already.

So is this the end of the video? *slams head on desk* Ohhhh I wish.
IG leaves and Skeletor walks in, IG immediately walks back because his “apartment” is only one room. Hey look, a cameo from sloppy film-making 101 (look at the ceiling when Bores walks in).
Note that the action figure Skeletor is holding is now blue. Showing that Bores isn’t covered in blue paint, but he edited his body in post-production. After Effects is win guys!
By the way, we don’t get a real explanation for why Skeletor wants his He-Man action figures. Just “he’s evil” I guess.
Seeing this “terrible crime”, IG takes out a sword and does the He-Man battle cry “By the power of Grayskull! I have the power!” and somehow still retaining his normal clothes. This is actually a good thing, I don’t want to see him dressed as He-Man... Ugh.

IG swings his sword and … somehow causes Skeletor to explode. So this is what Michael Bay directing Masters of the Universe would look like.
“Silly Skeletor, He-Man is for kids!” Yes, it is for kids. Hand them over, you’re 31 years old.
Then … the Trix Rabbit shows up and yells at him. “Heeeey, that’s my line!” No. No. No! NO! NO! That’s not the Rabbit’s line! The Rabbit disguises himself, tries to get the Trix, gets foiled, and the nearby KIDS say “Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids”. You’d think someone so obsessed with cereal would know this pattern! God damn it this was awful!

As a history lesson, it fails. I could just read the same exact thing on Wikipedia, with actual names and more info. As a “review” it fails. He told us nothing about the action figures. What made them so great? Were they fun? Did they have articulation? Don’t just list them! The sketches felt like rejected ideas from his regular IG show… and that’s pretty fucking low.

That’s not all though, I have a tiny bonus. His “I rate the 80s” site is now up.
There’s very little to it, it just lists the six episodes (Breakfast Rants? I don’t know what you’re talking about) and a tagline.
“Half documentary, Half zany antics, Chris is recapping everything from the 1980s in this hit YouTube series”
I see Chris still hasn’t learned his lesson. His idea about being informative and adding “Irate Gamer comedy” is like getting a brand covered in needles, nothing but pain!
And there he goes again saying “hit series”, all to make himself look more important than he really is. Humble my ass.

That’s all I can stand. It’s 2 in the morning, I should probably sleep. Maybe.

47 comments:

  1. Ugh. Chris Bores talking about 80's stuff?
    Somewhere Brad Jones is facepalming.

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  2. Yup... just when we thought that Chris was actually doing a decent job with I Rate The 80s, we get this garbage. The sketches with Skeletor was just as bad as I thought it was going to be.... and stealing action figures. Sounds more like something The Evil Gamer would resort to.

    Honestly, I find He-man to be overrated. The only decent thing out of the He-man franchise that I found somewhat decent is the 2002 cartoon, and even that doesn't really interest me.

    The 1980s cartoon was just terrible to watch. But then again... it was made by Filmation... and nothing good ever came out of that company. All I can say, is I'm glad their out of business. I wish the same could be said for "Irate Entertainment".

    Oh and BTW... at 2:04, he says "cessories". More of his broken English.

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  3. He didn't make a single gay joke did he...
    I'll have some ketchup with my mouldy old dogshit school runners please.

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  4. A few musings, if I may:

    - I'd like to point out that he made a website for a series that, if his first two Breakfast Rants don't count, totals to 21 minutes and 16 seconds worth of content. For context, there are two episodes of Haunted Investigators that individually run longer than all of his Irate the 80's videos combined. I have the feeling he has irateentertainment.com act as a portal to his other sites just so he can say that he manages four websites.

    - "Haunted Investigators are partnered with YouTube and sponsored by Google. Which means all of our episodes are absolutely free to view online, in their entirety!" Immediately below that is a link to buy the DVDs. Great business strategy.

    - He promotes History of Video Games in his banner, but it's only worth a parenthetical note in theirategamer.com's description? That should illustrate right there how much he cares about being informative with video games.

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  5. Sorry for off-topic: I created a fake account and insulted Chris in the comments of his Contest-Winners-Video. As expected, LadyBuggins had a short discussing with me, but as I wouldn't stop insulting her son, I was immediately BLOCKED from the IRATE GAMER minutes after I had the discussion with his "mom". That's the proof guys, once and for all.

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  6. I admit I did like He-Man back in the day, but cut me a break, I was three. I tried watching it again not long ago, but wow. Boy was I not remembering it as it truly was...And I'm somebody who can enjoy things in spite of their cheesiness a lot of the time, if admittedly with often snarking about that cheesiness.

    And for the record, I don't remember Secret of the Sword being released to theaters. I remember catching it on prime time TV. Probably because it was actually the first couple episodes of She-Ra stitched together. There was that piece of shit live action thing with Dolph Lundgren, Frank Langella, Billy Barty, James Tolkan and a young Courtney Cox, but that had nothing to do with She-Ra.

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  7. @Keith
    That's the issue I have with him releasing History of Video Games on DVD. There's barely any content available now. That and the title is a lie, "History of Video Games up to Pong" is more accurate.

    @starofjustice
    From The Secret of the Sword Wikipedia article.
    "The film was part of a trend of theatrically released animations created by producers of TV shows and toys during the 1980s."

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  8. *shrugs*

    I'm just telling you what I remember.

    And no offense, but just because Wikipedia's not always wrong doesn't mean it's always right.

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  9. Anyway, what other stuff are you planning on reviewing, Dan? I'm looking around on his site and not seeing much you haven't already talked abut.

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  10. I didn't really care about He-Man when I was a kid, but I could still enjoy Vangelus' review of the old and new Skeletor figure - which is miles better than Bores "review".

    Oh man, he's really turning his only somewhat watchable series into another Irate Gamer Show. It'll only be a matter of time before his hilarious supporting characters make their appearance...

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  11. @John
    Maybe he didn't catch it.

    Anyway, why make DVDs when you don't really have enough content on it?

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  12. I'm glad someone also thinks He-Man was garbage. It was one of the shows I chose not to watch as a kid and as I got older I began to wonder if I was missing out. I tried watching it and the 2002 one... It was boring as hell. And yes, I too also applied gay jokes whilst watching it.

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  13. By the way, I know this is off topic but they're remaking The Thing again. Any thoughts?

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  14. @starofjustice
    Not really a "review", just bringing various changes he's doing.
    Oh, I forgot! He has new fan art on his site. And this stuff is total garbage.

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  15. Surprisingly enough there were no gay jokes......GOOD

    Considering Bores, it would have fallen into "Japanese Offensive" type of homophobic.

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  16. @VinceThePhilosopher:

    The original thing was calm, suspenseful and featured the best practical effects I've ever seen. The remake will probably be loud and full of shock scenes and crappy CGI. The Thing will either turn into an Alien rip-off or a slasher villain, and it will end with the female protagonist surviving, only to be killed at the last second. The end.

    @BatDanNight:

    Is that "Season 3" fanart new? That thing can't be for real Oo !

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  17. "The 1980s cartoon was just terrible to watch. But then again... it was made by Filmation... and nothing good ever came out of that company."

    Uhh...Star Trek The Animated Series?...you don't consider that good?

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  18. Two things that you missed.

    1. He doesn't have the playsets. When he showed them off, you can tell that they were just still pictures edited in front of him.

    2. When he showed off the 2002 toys next to the originals, he had the two Tri-Klops toys next to each other, and he called them Man-E-Faces. Wouldn't be as much of a problem, except when he originally looked at the first series toys, he correctly named both Man-E-Faces and Tri-Klops.

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  19. @Necro Critic
    *goes to check* Ahh you're right. Thanks for pointing this out.

    And it seems Bores noticed his Tri-Klops mistake. He wrote in the description that he fixed it for the "master version" coming to... DVD? HE'S PLANNING A DVD OF THIS SHIT?! If all that cartoon footage is intact, Mattel is going to sue someone.

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  20. Next thing you know, it's TMNT, My Little Pony, and Transformers.
    Let's guess what he'll say!

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  21. @Invisible Crane

    Ugh! The Star Trek Animated Series was just as bad. Yeah, I do enjoy Star Trek... but Filmation's animated adaption based off the classic series was just as bad as the other set of Filmation crap.

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  22. "Ugh! The Star Trek Animated Series was just as bad. Yeah, I do enjoy Star Trek... but Filmation's animated adaption based off the classic series was just as bad as the other set of Filmation crap."

    Maybe in terms of animation quality but in terms of writing Star Trek TAS beats out 99% of 1970s animation...seriously just about most of the cartoons from that time sucked so badly. Nothing but bland laugh track comedy shows and Scooby Doo knockoffs

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  23. @Frankin

    If you created an account to just to insult Bores, you are asking to get blocked, whether Bores deserves it or not. It is one thing to accuse Bores for blocking criticism, but it is fair for him as well as any other user to block users register accounts just to troll him.

    As for LadyBuggin, do not communicate with her. Pretend her posts are not there. She responds to every criticism with the same "don't like it, don't watch it" bullshit. It also does not help that she responds to many of the trolls instead of simply ignoring them. In other words, she too is a troll.

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  24. @Invisible Crane

    You mean like one where they encounter...... a giant cloud creature? Or how about the episode where they pick up a walking plant? Even if it does have some semi-decent plots, I have a hard time following them from the bad voice-acting and the still animation.

    Really though, I find Star Trek The Animated Series to be along the line of watered-down action cartoons, where they are not allowed to resort to any type of violence whatsoever. Like with the old Superfriends cartoon, where none of the DC Superheroes do anything to fight the bad guys. So they just attempt some other watered-down scheme to take down the bad guys.

    That is another reason why most of the 70s cartoons sucked. Bad Scooby-Doo clones and watered down violence.

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  25. I loved "Masters of the Universe" when I was 4-5. I remember my Uncle taking my sister and I to see the "He-Man/She-Ra" movie in theaters, it's one of the earliest movies I remember seeing in theaters.
    I think I was about 6 or 7 when I started to outgrow it, and got into "Ghostbusters" instead. I sold or donated all my action figures the summer before I turned 8.

    Speaking of "Masters of the Universe", they are making a new movie. It's very early in pre-production now so I would expect to see any news on it for a few years, though.

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  26. So Bores managed to ruin the only series that is marginally better than his other series.


    And now for something off-topic.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V46KYxFav24

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  27. Good god, what is wrong with that fan art? He's proud of that shit?

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  28. @Shaolin Dave:

    How much do you wanna bet this is going to be another generic Fantasy action flick?

    And I wouldn't be too harsh on these old cartoons. Copycat shows never truly die, and censorship was MUCH harsher back then.
    (Plus, who knows how much Silver Age was still left in 70's superhero cartoons. That Age was INSANE)

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  29. @Derek

    More like desperate. He also accepted fan art with two hidden messages behind it.

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  30. I actually liked this video. The skits did make me laugh, am I an idiot for laughing at the skits? Probably, I'm not denying the fact that I am.

    Though I will admit he didn't really explain much about those toys, all he did was list them all, and give brief history.

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  31. I've been watching a lot of Deceased Crabs LPs between homework assignments, he's really funny.

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  32. @Shaolin Dave

    Indeed he is. He's one of the few people doing LP that are actually entertaining. Not to mention he's one of the more respectful people you'll see on Youtube.

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  33. @vince
    Speaking of, what do you guys think of Freddie Wong?

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  34. Well, I'm just glad he Bores didn't tie this series into his Irate Gamer series. Still, this video to me was just pointless, more pointless then his other crap. I mean, I did learn that there were different series of toys. Though, he didn't really explain much did he?

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  35. @Eric
    Don't hold your breath. He's gonna do at least one other thing with Skeletor.

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  36. @blueluigi:
    "You mean like one where they encounter...... a giant cloud creature? Or how about the episode where they pick up a walking plant? Even if it does have some semi-decent plots, I have a hard time following them from the bad voice-acting and the still animation.

    Really though, I find Star Trek The Animated Series to be along the line of watered-down action cartoons, where they are not allowed to resort to any type of violence whatsoever."

    Perhaps, but unlike some cartoon writers who used censorship as a reason not to make any effort, the writers of STTAS did the best they could with the limitations.

    Heck, they took advantage of the medium to incorporate more alien heavy stories (I mean given the time, a live action version of Bem wouldn't have been too plausible), as well as crew members.

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  37. Calling it now: Bores is doing Masters of the Universe: Power of He-Man for the Atari 2600.

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  38. I agree with you BatDan, if everything he looks at gets rated Nostalgia overload what is the point? So he's not really rating the '80's he just just talking about it with his boring monotone and/or rubbing in everyone's face his personal collections of junk. look at me I have all these things from the '80's that are suppose to be cool! Am I cool now?

    I have the Cobra Hiss too and his is missing the Driver(I Have mine but I need to replace the 'o ring' holding it together) which most ones I've seen sold are missing too. I am not looking forward to when he does GiJoe in the future.

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  39. As if he didn't just buy all that off ebay. The reason I don't have complete mint collections of my old He-Man figures is because I was a child and PLAYED with (not collected) them. There are one or two things that look almost new but I wasn't a creepy anal retentive kid that sat my figures down to admire them.

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  40. @Keith:

    I can't imagine him making reviews of Atari games. He simply lacks the imagination for the graphics.

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  41. @Doresh
    He already did. E.T. and Kool-Aid Man.

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  42. @ Clark

    Yeah, he probably bought all this off eBay and sold it again as soon as he was finished filming. If he didn't need his game collection as props in his AVGN-rippoff show, he probably wouldn't bother with it either.

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  43. @Isolder74 and BatDanNight
    The last two episodes kinda made sense as he did claim to enjoy these products. But in his TMNT cereal review he said tht even though he didn'remember the cereal tasting that well, he rates it on nostalgia alone. I really, really hate these kind of people who think just because they remember it from the "golden years" that it's the best thing ever. That's like if I gushed over Max and Ruby, a show that I watched despite the fact that I hated it back then and I hate it even more now. "Hey guiz I watchd Max and Ruby de ofer dai it gav mii a nostalgia weiner cus I rememberz it frum wen I wus littil" That's what we're dealing with here, someone who would rather not live in the present.

    @Doresh
    Did you forget his Kool-Aid Man review already? Y'know, the one where he does the infamous 'OH YEAH' joke FOUR TIMES!!!

    @Clark and Shaolin Dave
    Collecting isn't a bad thing, but you gotta have a bit of pride in what you collect, something I don't think Chris does too well.

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  44. @BatDanNight and JohnNintendoNerd:

    Oh god, the memories return! Argh! The brain bleach! It does nothing!!

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  45. @Derek

    Freddie Wong is FAR too good for Youtube.

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  46. @JohnNintendoNerd

    I wouldn't doubt that most of the time he is just doing this stuff in order to try and make himself look better. The biggest thing I've noticed is that he's started putting out his Ninja Turtles stuff as much as he can. Is it a coincident that James is talking about Ninja Turtles lately. On the subject of collectors, I'm a collector myself but I not a completist as Bores seems to be. With the playsets, it shows that he wants them but hasn't gotten any yet. The problem with his 'showing' them but not having them kind of makes mentioning them a bit pointless.

    The big problem I have with the episode itself is that as far as toys go the Heman figures weren't much fun to play with. You really couldn't pose them the limbs barely moved and they looked terrible. I like playing with my Transformers and GI Joe's better. You could do more with them. I played with my stuff but took good care of them too as I only had a few of the toys so each one I wanted to keep nice.

    I had all 3 of the Decepticon Triple changers as a kid. I still have them. They aren't mint condition but fair. Most of my others are in similar condition with the exception of my insecticon(those things are crap) which has fallen apart.

    One thing I like about the older Transformers toys was the fact that a good portion of the toy itself was die cast and metal. Now they are almost all plastic and much less durable.

    The annoying thing about E-bay for me is seeing how many people are selling bits of toys rather then whole thing as if they have taken complete ones and taken them apart just to make extra money off the part, Omega Supreme is especially bad for them doing this. No I don't want to buy a trailer for Prime, I already have one thanks. The only reason for anyone of buy just the trailer is so they can pretend they have the complete toy.

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  47. @Invisible Crane

    He-man was a hit in the 80's despite it limited animation, the toys was successful Let not forget that animation is expensive, Filmation limited it animation to cut the cost. I grew up watching He-man since I'm a 80's person. I even watch the 2002 series. I'll take a look at this video.

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