Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Redux Recap: Stupid Smash Bores Six Million!

You know, I used to hate Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Until I really thought about it and wondered “Why do I hate it?” Until I realized “I gave into the hype”. Years later, the hype has died down, I’m a little more willing to like the game. That’s not to say it has a lot of flaws. Online has major issues, there’s still too many “clones”, the inclusion of Lucas was a huge slap in the face to Earthbound fans, the final smashes sometimes made things unfair, and a few other problems. Still, I feel better about the game now.

But enough about me, here’s IG’s episode on Super Smash Bros. Brawl.
Why did he review this game? Easy, it was popular and lavishly praising the game would get him views. And boy did it ever, IG’s video has over six million views, making it the most viewed video on his channel. Either way, it’s still a terrible video.

0:18 - 0:38: “If you enjoyed playing Smash Bros. Mee-lay for the Gamecube…” It’s “May-Lay”, you’re pronouncing it wrong! Second line in the video and we’re in trouble.
He goes on about Brawl being the same but with more stuff, and as he rambles I notice that he’s not very good at this. Playing as Bowser, all he’s doing is holding B (or whatever button it is on the Wii remote) and spitting fire, just waiting for the computer to get him. Not surprising he sucks at Smash Bros.

0:38 - 0:53: “Before I start the review, first things first, let’s talk about the roster of character” Isn’t that technically part of the “review”?
“For the past few months…” Months? Try years! Brawl was officially announced in 2006 and didn’t come out until 2008. Forums were ablaze during that time, especially with people thinking Cloud or Master Chief would be in it thanks to Solid Snake being confirmed. Hell, since the announcement of the fourth Smash Bros there’s been crazy speculation on who will show up.

0:54 - 1:19:“In Smash Bros. Mee-lay” It’s “May-lay”! Ugh…
He brings up all the clones in Melee, while showing the Japanese character select screen. You can tell he just took that off of Google Images.
He cites Mario & Dr. Mario, Link & Young Link, and Pikachu & Pichu as the clones, whining that there’s no variety. Way to ignore all the other clone characters like Captain Falcon & Ganondorf, Fox & Falco, and Marth & Roy. You never played Melee did you?

“This game takes care of that issue” NO IT DOESN’T! If anything it’s worse! Other than a different final smash, Ganondorf is still the same as Captain Falcon, Fox now has TWO clones with Falco and Wolf, Ness now has Lucas, and Young Link has been replaced with Toon Link and is still very similar to Link! It’s so obvious he’s baiting for views, the lack of research is worse than usual.

He mentions how they got rid of “the duplicates” (as in the only 3 he mentioned), then Mewtwo, which he calls “not a big loss”. First off, fuck you. Mewtwo is awesome. Second, Mewtwo is technically still in Brawl, only his abilities transferred to Lucario. Then Roy, who he says was replaced by Ike. When he says his name he shows a picture of Ike from South Park. I know others have done this joke, yet somehow Bores completely failed with it. Lack of comic timing? Poor reaction? It’s up to you.

1:20 - 1:53: He brings up “huge milestones” which to him means the addition of Sonic the Hedgehog. “Nintendo and Sega together? Holy shit! Talk about world’s colliding!” This isn’t the first time it happened. Are you forgetting that one game you talked about? The one you called a piece of shit even though your only issue was that you sucked at the game? That one about the Olympics… ring a bell?
He briefly mentions Snake (kind of obvious he’s never played Metal Gear Solid) and that the two have their own levels.
“Having these two extra characters around is pretty cool” You mean Bowser and ROB? Because that’s what the footage is showing.

IG mentions that he’s glad that Mr. Game & Watch is back because that’s his favorite character. You know why he said that? To make himself sound retro. I bet he doesn’t even know where he comes from. It’s really obvious when he’s faking it.
“I really enjoyed the addition of Kid Icarus…” It’s Pit! His name isn’t Kid Icarus, it’s Pit! Kid Icarus was the game he was in. That would be like calling Marth “Fire Emblem” or Jigglypuff “Pokemon”. It gets worse when you remember that his name is listed below him on the select screen and the announcer says his name! This only enforces my “Captain N” theory, I’ll remind you what that is later in this recap.

1:54 - 2:09: IG was worried that he would have to play with the Wii Remote + Nunchuck combo because it doesn’t work for fighting games. But is grateful when you could take out the Nunchuck and play with the remote on its side. Or you could not be an idiot and use a Gamecube controller, or the Classic controller. Not going to mention that are you?
I love how his Wii Remote is clearly off, he’s just fooling around with it and getting the footage to make it look like he’s “playing”. A practice that will sadly come back in later Neo videos. At least he didn’t call it the “Wii Joystick”

2:10 - 2:32: He says the graphics are “amazing” and sometimes found himself just staring at them. Sounds less like he was appreciating them and more like “ooooh I like shiny”.
IG brings up the stages. “All kinds of crazy places like castles and boats” Castles and boats? Shit man this game is insane right up there in the membrane! … So what games are those stages from? Anything? I don’t need the specific game, I’ll just accept the franchise it’s part of. No?

Then he brings up stages that “bring back that nostalgic feeling” and cites the Donkey Kong and Mario Bros. stages. Once again, Chris is trying to sound retro because he’s an obvious fraud.
Also, I’m noticing something else in the footage. He’s using Pit a lot, and he keeps using the same move again and again. His side-B move (where he spins his blades really fast).

2:33 - 3:02: IG moves onto Subspace Emissary and only says that the cut scenes look cool. Aren’t you going to bring up how the plot is like a bad fanfic?

“So Mario & Kirby are fighting one day with Peach and Zelda watching, when suddenly some big bad guy called the Ancient Minister appears. He blows Mario away with a cannon and traps the princesses in cages, Kirby releases them but Wario turns one of them into a statue. Then Pit finds Mario and they fight the bad guys. Then Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong’s bananas are stolen by the enemies from Mario, then Bowser shows up because he’s evil.” Yeah, kind of like that. I’m fairly sure he did beat it since he has Sonic… of course he could have just stolen that footage from other users.

3:03 - 3:15: “This game is hella fun” What are you Eric Cartman?
“Especially when there’s four people playing” You can tell I’m having fun with this footage of me fighting three computer-controlled opponents.
“There’s really nothing bad I can say about this game” Yes, just ignore a lot of the games’ faults, it’s perfect in every way… for you to get views from the crazy Smash Bros. fanbase.

3:16 - 3:25: IG wishes to see other “Nintendo legends” like Mega Man, Simon Belmont, and Bomberman? No no no NO! Those are not Nintendo characters! Mega Man is owned by Capcom, Simon Belmont and the Castlevania series are owned by Konami, Bomberman is owned by Hudson Soft! Yes they were on the NES but that doesn’t make them “Nintendo characters”. You are a fraud Bores! A fraud!
This also strongly enforces my “Captain N theory”.
Chris didn’t play games as a kid, but he watched Captain N. I imagine he took everything in that show as fact and still believes that to this day. Calling Pit “Kid Icarus”? Done on Captain N. Thinking Mega Man and Simon Belmont are Nintendo characters? I imagine Bores thought that considering they were on the show. Eggplant Wizard appearing out of nowhere in the Tetris video? He was one of the recurring villains on the show, Bores probably thought he was more important than he really is. Hailing Simon Belmont as the only Castlevania hero? Well, that’s just more of his stupidity.
Either way, the blatant mistakes like that and use of odd characters does suggest that Bores only knew about Captain N and other video game cartoons as a child rather than the games themselves.

The video ends with IG telling people to get the game if you have a Wii and this is his first “Irate Pick for the Wii”. Wow that sounds really awkward. And yet he still used it in later videos. Also, here’s the first time Bores has completely forgotten the meaning of the word “irate”.

Wow this was dumb. Overly-lavish praise on a game that really does have faults, all so he can obviously get views. No mentions of actual gameplay mechanics like final smashes or even how characters play. Plus, his attempts at trying to sound retro really fell flat here. It’s not working Bores, and it will never work… on anyone over 13.

Next redux recap, we revisit the one series that Chris really has abandoned, the Chris & Scottie Road Trip. You have been warned.

42 comments:

  1. Speaking of Megaman and Brawl, I Always Keep it hearing from my group of friends that Megaman Was going to be on Brawl, after all i remember something about Sakurai wanting at least one more 3rd party character, too prove the whole 3rd party character was not that just a cheap marketing ploy to hype fans.............yeah sure.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Great recap (like always), but if you really think that the inclusion of Lucas was a slap in the face to Earthbound fans, then the masterpiece section was Nintendo slapping you in the face, knocking you to the ground, stabbing you in the back, kicking the seven colours of crap out of you, then stoning, spitting, pissing, shitting and vomiting all over your bloody remains. I mean, WHERE THE FUCK TO BEGIN!!!
    First of, the games were just randomly picked from the Wii Virtual Console and were only there to advertise it (it felt like one of those bad movies that was actually a toy commercial in disguise eg Yu-Gi-Oh the Movie and Pokemon TFM), secondly, there was the time limits (40 seconds of F-Zero is in no way acceptable), thirdly, how you mention Lucas being a slap in the face yet you forget how they removed the Earthbound demo from any version that wasn't the Japanese version. Goddamit Nintendo I want to see Earthbound and Mother 3 (and prehaps even Mother 1) on either the Wii Virtual Console or 3DS eShop by the end of 2012! There is really no fucking excuse!
    Well that's my little rant about my most hated feature of the entire game. Other than that and the obviouse flaws you mentioned, SSBB was a really fun game. But we all know one thing, SSB4 will be better because Nintendo are gonna stay ahead of mean ol' Sony and Microsoft. Ain't that right Iwata?
    *huff* *puff* WHOA THAT WAS A MOUTHFUL!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I personally thought the clones were improved in Brawl. Not as many of the new characters were clones, and the ones that were felt more varied than in Melee. Though I still think Ganondorf should have his own moveset.

    ReplyDelete
  4. @lordaharl
    Ganondorf has a sword for his taunt.... so why does he use his fists?

    Also saw this comment on this video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mrl-mm-7WM8&feature=player_embedded
    Lemme get this straight.

    This guy, on his way home after building a log cabin, stops to haul a whole trailer hitch of books for Twilight Sparkle, pulls up the fucking Space Shuttle upright, hauls barrels full of monkeys around, drives over a giant dog (only the worst terrain known to man) with a boat in tow, and makes it home to his wife, Laura Croft, all while avoiding and barreling through a road strewn with obstacles, in his Chevy Silverado.

    I have a new hero.

    ReplyDelete
  5. @ DrGtC

    Hopefully they take all the MegaMan inspiration from the first few games, nothing X or later.

    @ JohnNintendoNerd

    If you want Mother 1, you can get a repro cart from www.nesreproductions.com, based of the officially translated ROM. Or you can just emulate it, obviously. Look up "EarthBound Zero"


    @ lordlaharl

    I think fighting games are better with no clones at all.

    @ Derek

    I'd make a joke about the Lara Croft thing being all he needed, but it's too obvious. BTW, am I the only one who likes the new Lara's look more than the older ones?

    ReplyDelete
  6. @Shaolin Dave

    You know a fighting game that has no clones? Well congratulations, mister, you searched long enough, because I sure as hell didn't!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Subspace Emmisary was worth it for that scene where Lucario uses Eagle Vision to defeat Snake's Box trick.

    And putting Lucas in the game wasn't THAT big of a dick move. Now, flat out spoiling the story and the final boss, without even releasing the game itself? THAT was the dick move.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Speaking of Subspace Emmisary, what do you think about TheRunAwayGuy's current project?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Glad you addressed the Mewtwo line. It always pissed me off. I don't like playing as Mewtwo, but he was such a big deal when Pokemon Gen 1 came out, and therefore a good/fun option to have available, that you can't say something like that without giving a reason.

    Pretty sure Bores just slammed him because he thinks Pokemon is for kids (and when I say kids, I mean little kids. You can't even die in Pokemon. You just faint. Triple facepalm?)

    Yeah, he didn't play this game. I think I knew everything he said before the game came out. Except about whoever this Kid Icarus guy he keeps talking about is.

    I originally learned Bowser and Peach's names from the Super Mario Bros Super Show, and I still call them King Koopa and Princess Toadstool because I just like how they sound. But I don't have a review show. (wish I did.) and if I did, I'd at least make it clear why I call them those names.

    @JohnNintendoNerd Yeah, that demo mode is useless and sucks.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Even though I really like the game, I agree that it is very flawed. IG's review just feels really forced and generic with zero effort put into it. It's as though he just wrote a script in less than 20 minutes and recorded it in one single take.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Not meaning to sound too over confident and granted I haven't played SSBB Melee in a while so I need practice, but I can probably most likely kick Bores butt in a round.

    ReplyDelete
  12. @Arthur Arneiro:

    Well, a lot of SNK titles are pretty good with this. Especially King of Fighters is impressive: this series had over 100 characters throughout its run, and yet only a handful of clones exist.

    Even better is Arc System Works, the makers of Guilty Gear and BlazBlue. Their games might have a small cast compared to KoF and Capcoms crossover madness, but they manage to make each and every of their characters unique.
    (Okay, there are similarities between certain Guilty Gear and BlazBlue characters, but they're not in the same game)

    But now back 2 topic ^^

    Strangely, I think I have to DEFEND Bores - somewhat: I can believe he honestly finds Brawl better than Melee, simply because it has more characters and better graphics. Why would he force himself to gush about this game in order to appease the SB fans, yet bash Tekken and piss of the fans of that series?

    ReplyDelete
  13. @Doresh
    Smash Bros has Nintendo characters. Nintendo is popular. He figured that a fighting game with Nintendo characters is popular. So he gave the game 100% praise.
    Bores had no idea what Tekken was. He never considered it had a fanbase (never mind the giant "6" in the title). So he thought he could away with bashing it.

    ReplyDelete
  14. @BatDanNight:

    Then what about Kirby's Epic Yarn? That had a Nintendo character and everything ^^ !

    ReplyDelete
  15. @Shaolin Dave
    I meant an official Nintendo release on a modern platform like the 3DS or the WiiU, something I know Nintendo will do once they pull the rest of their fingers out of their arses.

    @Doresh
    Prehaps it's because Epic Yarn took a different direction than what a lot of people were hoping for. You see, when a game in a popular series (ie Metroid, Sonic, Pokemon) turns out a little different than what we expected and not "nostalgic" enough, a group of fat, pedophile no-life losers get pains in their rectum and start bandwaggons to bash these games to oblivion. Kirby's Epic Yarn was not the case, however, as it got mostly positive reviews. But Chris wanted to try and prove how much of a retro gamer he was by bashing a brilliant game because it was different. Yes Chris, all retro gamer know that Kirby made his debut on the NES.
    Oh and KEY had a cuddly, soft athmosphere, something IG's fanbase would call "gay". Because they would certainly enjoy Kirby's Adventure, a 1993 NES title where you play as a pink blob... no Chris, 13 year old kids like your fanbase are racist cunts on COD and their brains get fucked when one guy in their class has the balls to admit that they prefer Pokemon over COD and MLP:FiM over Bayformers.
    TL;DR: Chris is a fraud and trys too hard to convince others that he's a legit gamer.

    ReplyDelete
  16. @JohnNintendoNerd:

    Then I guess he'll love Other M because of the action and more linear level structure ^^

    Or he'll hate it because he's playing as a girl, whatever.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Now, I've been a fan of Metroid ever since the first installment on the Game Boy Advance, but just hold the phone! Who the Hell is Samus Aran? Metroid isn't even in this game as an unlockable character. Metroid fans want to play as Metroid!

    ReplyDelete
  18. @JohnNintendoNerd

    Not to mention he complained that you can't die in KEY, despite complaints in other times that he dies a lot

    And also the random posters on the wall cause him to shoot himself in the foot (again) by having a Wario Land 2 poster. Last time I checked, you can't die in that one and you lose coins if you get hit, similar to how you lose beads in KEY if you get hit

    ReplyDelete
  19. "...and the real shitshocker is that the leader of the Galaxy Pirates is actually a fire breathing dragon called Ridley. What the shit? Dragons don't belong in Metroid! Is this Metroid or is this King Arthur's court? What happened to the classic villains like Mother Brain, or... uh... I'll be right back."

    Can you spot the Third Rate Gamer joke in there?

    ReplyDelete
  20. He's always only done it for the money.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Well, Bores released yet... ANOTHER contest video... oh joy. This time, he announced the winner for the IG mousepad, and he's doing another contest for his t-shirt. But the worst part is that he is now planning on doing these contest videos EVERY WEEK. Yup, a new pick me contest every week... how exciting.

    He also stated that he's almost done with the next IG episode and that he has "more work to do". Well, I got to say that if he actually does get this next episode released sometime this month, then that would really be some kind of record because really, when was the last IG episode to be released a month after the one before?

    But then again.... seeing how much little effort the last one had, I have a feeling this next one might be the same thing.

    ReplyDelete
  22. @blueluigi:

    What's really weird about the contests is that only his most fanatic fans win - aka the guys who are most likely to buy his merchandise crap, aka the stuff he's giving away in his contests Oo

    ReplyDelete
  23. @ blueluigi

    a contest every week? he can't come out with a legit video monthly, but he'll have a contest every week?

    obviously he's just doing it to get views and spam comments. he could just release videos more often and give away a prize to anyone who comments on that (not telling people to spam "pick me"). but no, that wouldn't make him seem "popular" in YouTubes stats.

    btw, who won this time? anyone else we know, providing more proof that his picks aren't 'random' at all?

    ReplyDelete
  24. This is just getting desperate now. God forbid providing actual good content for subscribers, just give away free crap!

    And considering he's doing his t-shirt again, I'm really starting to believe nobody is buying it. I don't blame them, that thing is ugly.

    ReplyDelete
  25. You know what, guys? I am going to make a one shot commentary explaining how his "contests" fail. So look out for that.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Alright, guys. The video is up on my channel, BlazeTheMovieFan.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Random video time!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z86V_ICUCD4&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkgoSOSGrx4&feature=related

    You won't get the second one if you don't watch the first.

    ReplyDelete
  28. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3IanzTU4y4&feature=feedu

    ReplyDelete
  29. Obligatory link to new ICBINAVGN:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUuraWBMotc&feature=feedu

    ReplyDelete
  30. I always had the feeling Bores mistook his fans' begging for more content as more contests, and this move seems to validate my theory.

    By the way, I can't wait until he releases his contest video collection on DVD. Make checks for $14.95 payable to Pick Me for a chance to actually receive the DVD!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Oh why not?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJLL-DNu3P4
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikiXwbB_Rcc
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gd6AVvkJ3cw
    Also R.I.P. Steve Jobs 1955-2011

    ReplyDelete
  32. http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=vV8BrBMScmA

    ReplyDelete
  33. I'm joining in on the fun, too.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QOftjiO19k

    ReplyDelete
  34. Question somewhat related to game reviewing:

    Have any of you ever heard of the game reviewer known as mikeyspiky200?

    ReplyDelete
  35. @JohnNintendoNerd

    not just good, but AWESOME. he made a very in-depth review of Action 52. here's the link:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxOF4NevJrg

    He's also from Ireland. (like you)

    ReplyDelete
  36. @JohnNintendoNerd

    and that's just part 1.

    ReplyDelete
  37. another random video. sorry guys.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjaZNYSt7o0&feature=youtu.be

    ReplyDelete
  38. I know Mikeyspiky200!

    His Action 52 review was by far the best one I've seen. (Of Action 52, at least.)

    Also, I believe he's actually Scottish.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Oh wow! The He-man episode of The Irate Gamer has now been surprisingly posted. Yup, he didn't even upload a trailer advertising how "epic" and "awesome" it is. He just posted the full episode and left it at that.

    And just as I predicted it felt so short and lazy just like part two of Robocop. Again, it wasn't painfully bad, but it was still really lame.

    Still, it is surprising he got it out so soon after the last episode. It's almost as if he's sort of going back to the roots from 2007.

    ReplyDelete
  40. @ blueluigi

    Maybe he figured out that a one-minute trailer to a video that clocks in under six minutes isn't the most productive use of his time. One would think he'd at least do it to get the views and the ad revenue.

    As for the video itself...what about that "robot war aftermath" he promised? Was the jarring transition into mystical shit with swords and sorcerers (I guess that's what Druid Bores was supposed to be) the aftermath? Or was this whole video just to telegraph that he's going to wear a red shirt (that he probably bought from Abercrombie or American Eagle) from now on?

    ReplyDelete
  41. So he stopped using the blue "Billy Mays" shirt?

    ReplyDelete