The new I Rate the 80s is out, and sadly it’s not MTV. Making that last scene in the Madballs video a full-blown Big Lipped Alligator Moment. He probably saw that Family Guy episode with the same joke and thought “I have filters, I can do the exact same thing! I don’t care if it doesn’t make sense.”
Instead he’s going back to M.U.S.C.L.E. oh joy. At least he knows the series real name now, Kinnikuman, and put it in the title. Though, that’s just the title, he may not say it in the actual video.
*reads description* A new 80s toy? Isn’t that an oxymoron?
0:05 - 0:38: “Today we’re turning back the clock” Ugh, he sounds like a kid’s show.
“We must first travel to Japan” Do I sense green-screen bullshit?
Actually, we just get an effect where footage falls on top of him. Footage of CHINA! That’s not Japan you damn idiot! Not all Asians are alike Bores.
He brings up how the series started in Shonen Jump. Which one? The weekly one or the monthly one? Okay he says “weekly comic series” but remember there were two versions of the same magazine.
He also pronounces Kinnikuman’s name wrong. Not that shocking. If he couldn’t be bothered to pronounce Alexey Pajitnov, issues with Japanese names wouldn’t surprise me.
He mentions how it started as a joke comic (neglecting to mention how it was also an Ultraman parody) until it developed into a wrestling action series. Kind of like how Negima started as a Harem series, then became an over-the-top action series. Or how Medaka Box started as a slice-of-life comedy, then became a meta action series. Or how Bleach started as a bland Yu Yu Hakusho rip-off, then became a horrifically god-awful Yu Yu Hakusho rip-off. What?
0:39 - 0:52: He lists off some of the crazy wrestlers, then a voice rings out “That’s right!” Team Rocket?
No, it’s his Kinnikuman M.U.S.C.L.E. figure appearing out of nowhere, growing in size and jumping on top of him. Wooow, that was a bad effect. I sense this is going to be a running joke…
0:53 - 1:23: He briefly mentions the anime (and no he never says manga or anime at any point in this video) and then gets to the figures.
He brings up the first series having Kinnikuman, his sidekick (you mean Alexandria Meat?) his father (Mayumi Kinniku, what is with you and names?) his friends and enemies. Since he brought up Benkiman earlier (or, the urinal with legs) he mentions he came in a later set.
Then we get a scene with Bores trying to find a bathroom, stumbles across Benkiman, and he suddenly grows eyes and says “aw crap”. … Even though this was probably their intention, somehow I imagine Takashi Shimada and Yoshinori Nakai would be ashamed of this.
1:24 - 1:39: More history, Mattel brought the action figures over to America.
Oh no, another young Bores sketch. Why does he look like Mario? Also, if he’s supposed to be a kid, why is he taller than the store shelf? We’re supposed to buy that Bores is six years old here, and unless he was some freak of nature as a child then he shouldn’t be that tall! I’m sorry, but if you’re going to do stupid sketches like that then I’m going to point out how fucking stupid they are!
1:40 - 2:16: He brings up that they brought over the toys but not the anime or the manga. Well, for the anime it had to be heavily HEAVILY censored. Keep in mind this was still the 80s when G.I. Joe was forced to laser guns and toilet humor was not allowed. Don’t forget that anime was not popular in the 80s. Sure you had Voltron, you had Battle of the Planets, but outside of small circles it was not well-known. Plus, Kinnikuman’s unique art style would make it difficult to pull a “Carl Macek” and combine it with other unrelated shows.
As for the manga, well… the market was non-existent. Sure there was stuff like Barefoot Gen, Golgo 13, Lone Wolf and Cub, but there was really no market for it overall. Not like today. Plus, if they were going to make it for kids then it would require even more censorship. Because what’s intended for kids in Japan is MUCH different than what’s intended for kids in other countries. Fist of the North Star? Meant for kids. Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure? Meant for kids. See what I’m getting at?
He then goes into how Kinnikuman was renamed Muscle Man (which is a completely accurate translation) and some other annoying name changes. I would be fair to this part, but he ruins it with another scene of his Kinnikuman figure jumping on top of him. I knew it would be a running joke. Watch as he Kinnku Drivers it into the ground.
2:17 - 2:46: He notes how the American figures were different due to a bigger size and harder plastic. Wait, did you really waste money buying the Japanese versions? Why?
He found the idea of putting them in a garbage can case “cool”, notices a figure shaped like a garbage can (I’m not sure if that’s true), then Kinnikuman walks on. IG shoos him away, then he jumps on him again. COME ON you just did that joke! It’s dead now, don’t do it again.
EDIT: The "garbage can man" is actually a blender man named Mixer Taitei. Thanks to RW64 for this info.
2:47 - 3:12: He brings up other M.U.S.C.L.E. merchandise like colored figures and a poster that reveals there were 233 figures to collect. He mentions one figure he has that was left off the poster and is “highly collectible”. Kinnkuman walks on screen AGAIN and IG tells him to back off. Thankfully, he doesn’t jump on him again. But if he’s still using him, he will eventually.
Also, there were 236 figures. The poster was just missing a few.
3:13 - 3:39: IG mentions figures that were released only in Japan He lists a few off, ending on a baby Kinnikuman (Mantaro?) IG looks at it, tosses it into his disposal, and destroys it. What’s wrong with babies? No really, why did he do that?
3:39 - 4:29: He brings up how everything was over in 1987, the manga was done, the anime was over, and the toys stopped.
But then he brings up a giant box with all the figures released years later. Okay so that’s how he got the Japanese versions. He didn't spend days scouring eBay for them. Well, he probably scoured for this box but still…
He says it’s awesome but then gets angry because he wanted the anime dubbed in English. You know, fansubs exist… oh wait if your Tekken 6 video is anything to go by then you hate reading. Yeah, an English dub isn’t happening.
He does bring up Ultimate Muscle (Kinnikuman Nisei in Japan) but that was a sequel series and… oh no he’s planning to do an episode on it? It wasn’t made in the 80s, how can you… forget it the video is almost over.
He moves onto the rating. He loved the figures as a kid, but was disappointed they never aired the anime (again, censorship) giving it a “Nostalgic Mediocre”. Just because they didn’t air the anime? What kind of reasoning is that?
Angered by this rating, Kinnikuman appears and tries to jump him again. This time IG stands up and they start “fighting”. Oh dear lord these effects. It would have been less embarrassing to fight the actual tiny figure. The two go behind the desk, the giant hand action figure taps the table three times, and IG gets up “victorious”. He’s the only one, I feel like I was just mindfucked.
That was horrible! His logic behind the rating made little sense, the sketches were painful, the effects were vomit-inducing, he mixed up China and Japan, and the review portion was just as dull as usual. If this is the dominant series now, this is going to get painful.
On the bright side, we won’t see a review of M.U.S.C.L.E. for the NES since he already did one! … Wait, why didn’t he bring that up? This would have been perfect to get more ad revenue from that video. Did he seriously forget? Given how he says he doesn’t remember the games he reviews, I wouldn’t be surprised.
You know, I make jokes about him covering AIDS and Saddam Hussein since he declared he’ll cover “everything” from the 80s, but then I realize that there are only two things on this show. Toys and food. Is that all we’re going to see? That’s just sad.
I’m hoping this is his last video of the year. He’ll probably do some dumb contest or trailer review, something not worth covering. However, his site says the next History of Video Games episode is coming Winter 2011. So by the end of this month. We’ll see if that really happens.
What the fuck is a muscle?
UPDATE: Turns out Bores had a reason for not using anime and manga.
When asked about it from a YouTube user, he said "I refrained from using those terms for the mass audience"
... Where do I start?
1. It's not 1985 anymore, anime and manga are fairly mainstream!
2. What mass audience? The people likely to watch your videos know exactly what anime and manga are. You aren't getting old people wondering what this "new-fangled animu" is, most of your audience is kids!
3. Screw you, you insulting shit head. Once again, you take your audience for idiots. This is why people hate you Chris.
Special thanks to Zidane Tribal (a user, not the FFIX character) for getting this screencap: http://img16.imageshack.us/img16/5426/proofirategamer.png