*comes out of bomb shelter* Looks safe, seems all the ugliness has come to pass. *sighs* This has been a draining few days, but at least it’s over.
Looks like Bores already has a new video up. Like he promised in the last update, it’s an I Rate the 80’s. Heh, remember last year how he would release a new one of these at least once a month? Now, this is his first one in seven months. Someone needs to get their priorities sorted.
This video is on Colorforms, yet another toy. Continuing his pattern of toys and food.
You know, it’s fairly obvious Bores based this series on VH1’s I Love the 80’s. Hell, it’s in the show’s title itself. While that series did cover toys and food, it covered a myriad of subjects as well. Movies, music, TV shows, sporting events, fashion trends, world events, political events, advancements in technology, and so much more. While Bores did talk about a commercial campaign last time, it was one that predominantly took place in the 90’s, so I’m not really counting it.
The tagline on his site says he’s going to cover “everything” from the 80’s, he’d better pick up the pace then.
So, what are Colorforms? They’re a long-running (1951) adhesive vinyl toy shaped in various ways, mostly popular franchise characters. You get a board that you stick them to and have them act out stuff. That’s about it. Onto the video then.
Wow, he titled it “documentary”… again. You can use that word all you want Bores, that doesn’t change how ill-informed this series truly is.
0:05 - 0:50: The video starts with a brief introduction as he wonders where they came from. He follows up with “stock footage” from the 50’s, which is obviously modern stock footage with a filter over it. The sepia-tone makes it look waaaay older than the 50’s.
We cut to Bores in a wig, playing Harry Kislevitz (oy gevalt!) as he explains the “history”. What about Patricia Kislevitz? Aren’t you going to mention her, or did you not want to crossdress to portray her?
Also, where did Bores get this story about Harry’s pencil pouch? I’m looking up the official Colorforms website and it doesn’t mention that. Instead, it mentions how a friend in art school gave them a roll of paper-thin vinyl and they noticed it stuck to the semi-gloss paint in their bathroom. Bores, if you’re trying to tell the history in a documentary format, you can’t take liberties! This isn’t a Disney movie.
After that, we get a quick montage of Bores sticking Colorforms to various surfaces, ending on a toilet. He realizes what he did and proceeds to smell and lick the colorform, gagging after he does it. I find it funny how his fans (and his mom) claim he doesn’t resort to toilet humor. This is really blatant toilet humor!
0:51 - 1:12: IG brings up that the very first Colorforms were in simple shapes, then moves ahead six years when they released Colorforms based on Popeye. Or as he pronounces it “Pupeye”. Okay, there’s no excuse for that one, nobody pronounces it like that!
“Although they were crude in design” They were released in 1957 Chris, there was no quality standard back then. Just like the Odyssey, you never put yourself in the right timeframe!
He then puts together the Popeye Colorform (using photoshop as he obviously doesn’t have them) and makes it laugh. Errrgh.
1:12 - 1:47: “Now we enter into the 1980’s” I’m just going to completely skip over the 60’s and 70’s because I don’t feel like making this video longer than four minutes.
He lists off a few 80’s related Colorforms sets, and brings up a 3D ThunderCats one. We see him wearing 3D glasses, comments on it being “so real”, then he touches it and somehow brings Snarf to life. IG just swats him away. I’m looking for the funny but I don’t see it.
I’m really getting the feeling that Bores is the only internet critic that doesn’t think 3D is bullshit.
We cut to, oh great another Mini-Bores in a toy aisle scene. Complete with Bores being almost as tall as the shelf. Either Bores has no clue how perspective works, or he truly was that freakishly tall as a child. You make the call!
We see him get excited over various Colorforms, and he didn’t even bother to alter his voice. At least in previous videos, he changed the pitch. Here, he didn’t even care, all he did was make his voice slightly high pitched, sounding more like an adolescent hitting puberty.
“Welcome Back, Kotter? What the hell is this *bleep*?” Little kid cursing, that’s classy. Why did he even bleep it? Is he trying family-friendly again? Also, Welcome Back, Kotter is a sitcom that ran for 4 seasons (1975-79) on ABC. It’s about a teacher returning to his high school alma mater to teach a group of delinquent students considered “unteachable”. Being in the same position himself in high school, he believes he can reach out to them easily. This show helped jump-start the career of John Travolta, who was promoted to “Special Guest Star” in the final season after hitting it big in Saturday Night Fever and Grease. … Or was that supposed to be a joke?
1:48 - 2:40: IG brings up that as a kid, he had the Pac-Man Colorforms. If this his attempt to convince us he’s a gamer again, he’s going to have to try better. Everyone played Pac-Man back then. My Dad played Pac-Man back then, and he can’t even figure out Wii Sports!
Oh… it’s because he was a fan of the cartoon. Alright then.
He demonstrates how the backboard works, by placing Pac-Man, Ms. Pac-Man and Baby Pac (it’s actually Pac-Baby but whatever) on it. Then he has the car run over Pac-Baby. Why do you hate babies so much? Throwing the baby Kinnikuman figure into the disposal, running over Pac-Baby with a car. I don’t like babies either but I don’t want to hurt them! If this is your attempt at comedy, it’s not funny, it’s cruel!
He then places the ghosts onto it, and Pac-Man to scare them. This prompts the ghosts to somehow turn blue (effects) and scream “P-p-p-pac Power!” So lame.
Oh it’s not over. Mezmaron from the cartoon appears and says it’s “so hard to find good help these days” Jeez, I had to look up who that was. I’ve never seen the Pac-Man cartoon because it looks horrid, and seeing that character only instills the idea that it’s beyond awful. Just like these jokes.
He mentions that he had hours of fun playing with these guys, then complains that Clyde is yellow instead of orange. “Seriously a yellow ghost?!” Boy, I’d hate to see him play Pac-Man Arrangement with Kinky (thanks to Justin De Lucia for pointing this out)
“What the fu-” *cuts to a technical difficulties card with bleeps* So, cursing is allowed on the regular IG show because there’s still plenty of that. But for this 80’s show, you don’t want to curse. … What exactly do you want? Who are you targeting? If you want this 80’s show to be for kids, make a separate channel to keep them away from the naughty language of your main show. Though, you wouldn’t get money from that other channel, and you’re not high enough on the YouTube partner hierarchy for instant partnership on a new channel. Like iJustine or Shane Dawson. Either way, your target audience is all over the place.
EDIT: Pohger has informed me that it is now much easier to become a YouTube Partner. You can just create an account, upload a video, enable advertising on it, and you can be considered for partnership. Interesting.
2:40 - 2:59: He once again brings up that Colorforms had a ton of licensed versions, listing off a few more including a Michael Jackson one.
“Why are there so many little boys in this set?” Ugggh, that joke stopped being funny years ago. Though, Black Dynamite did pull it off, and that’s only after revealing Michael Jackson was part of an alien species called “Mama-se Mama-sa Mama-ku-sa” and he was still a child. Go watch Black Dynamite, it’s so much better than this.
IG then remarks that after the 80’s ended, so did their popularity. No… they’re still pretty popular. They still release new ones to this day. Spongebob Squarepants, Dora the Explorer, Green Lantern, My Little Pony Friendship is Magic, and so many others.
We arrive to his rating. He remarks that for every good Colorform set, there were strange ones. What’s wrong with CHIPs? What’s wrong with Colorforms based on TV shows?
Oh and he gives it a Nostalgic Overload. Of course…
“Who knows if these things will ever become popular again in the future” Do your fucking research!
“Until they do, I’ll just be playing with the Irate Gamer Colorform” WHAT? NO!
Oh good lord this is stupid! He places Colorforms of Irate Gamer, Ronnie, Tony, Wilson, and the lead HAL-bot onto his set. The lead HAL-Bot referencing Star Trek with “Resistance is Futile”. Ow, ow ow ow. Did he seriously just waste hours crafting custom Colorforms just for this joke? On his own show? How egotistical can you get?!
This video was outright stupid! Research failure in the history part, horrid jokes all over the place, and that ending bit was so god damn dumb that it hurt. I guess after the boring Bud Bowl video, we needed an 80’s episode that was topped to the brim with frothy stupidity.
Here’s something interesting StevenTheAnimeNerd noticed in the comments. Bores has expressed interest in doing an episode on the G1 Transformers, but says it would be too expensive. So, you have no qualms with spending thousands and thousands of dollars on old gaming consoles and games that you do not care for at all. But for a bunch of action figures that you seem to have some interest in you can’t do it because it’s out of your price range. I will never understand your logic.
It’s anyone guess on when the next video will be out. That’s all for now.
EDIT: Wow, I missed a lot in this video.
I didn't point out how the only Colorforms set he actually had was the Pac-Man one. That one in the beginning? Those were ones he made himself, and he just printed a picture of the original cover and taped it onto a box. Thanks to The Necro Critic for pointing this out.
The 3D box he was looking at didn't have a lid, it was just the box of his custom Colorforms. Thanks to Linkara for pointing this out.
In the Michael Jackson scene, he's holding the yellow ghost he was complaining about before. I missed this one as I was focused on the fact he made a dated "MJ is a pedo" joke. Thanks to Guru Larry and Shmuk Lidooha for pointing this out.
IG seemed to indicate that the Pac-Man set was based on the cartoon, when it's actually based on the Japanese Pac-Man designs. In Japan, Pac-Man (or Puck Man) had a long nose and pizza-shaped eyes. His western design gave him a smaller nose. On the Hanna-Barbara cartoon, he has a hat, a small nose, and white eyes with black pupils. The way he went on about the cartoon, he seems to think the cartoon inspired the video game, and not the other way around. This would lend further weight to my "Captain N/TV Shows" theory. Thanks again to Guru Larry for pointing this out.
As for those Irate Gamer Colorforms, paper cutouts with tape on the back. Thanks again to The Necro Critic for pointing this out.