Thursday, August 30, 2012

Bores-formers: Nothing Makes Sense At All

*looks at IG’s Socialblade* Man, either small gains or small losses, this is pretty bad for a partner with over 130k subs. Not sure how looking up Socialblade is considered “stalking”, it’s a public site that anyone can access. Is it any different from looking up box office records or NPD sales?

Oh, he’s got a new video. But before I get to that, a couple of things to bring up.
His site updated a few days ago, mentioning that he’s working on a “big project”. What could be it be? Well, my Facebook informant saw an update from him talking about Haunted Investigators and that he’s “forced to secrecy”. By who? You’re the sole producer!
So yeah, it’s very likely this “big project” is more sleep-inducing nonsense about ghosts. Unless it’s miraculously exciting, don’t expect a recap on it.

A while ago, I contacted Eric “Wise Sage” Allen with a plea to stop LadyBuggin777 as she’s out of control and out of her mind, even bringing up the theory that it’s Chris pulling a Norman Bates. Unfortunately, he can’t do anything. He also confirmed that Chris is not pretending to be her, it really is her, and she has access to IG’s account. This would explain the angry “go cry to momma” and “I’m better than you because I make money” PM responses.

Meaning that screencap I posted a while ago? It was her not realizing which account she was using when throwing temper tantrums at “trolls”. She quickly shifted the blame on his crew “clowning around”. Funny how this “crew” somehow manages to type the exact same way she does, right down to the grammar.

Eric also told me he hasn’t been involved in the show for a while. I have sneaking suspicion that he’s trying to write out the Wise Sage. He was last seen in the RoboCop 2 & 3 review and that was nearly a year ago. Hell, he wasn’t included in that “Irate Gamer Colorform” set, yet Not-Wilson was. A Home Improvement recolor is now more important than the only person willing to appear in your videos.

Anywho, it’s a Neo video (big shock) and it’s on… Transformers: Fall of Cybertron? Oh wow, a game review within a fortnight of its release. Meaning he likely didn’t beat it.
By the way Chris, it’s just “Cybertron” not “CyberTron”. It’s not a porn version of the movie Tron.

0:06 - 0:56: The video starts out with him introducing the game, and when he gets to the footage he brings up that he played this at E3. For those that do an Irate Gamer drinking game, please add “I played this at E3” to your list, and take a shot every time he does that.
Then for whatever reason he brings up that he just watched Transformers: Dark of the Moon, and that it’s a competent action movie but it doesn’t please him as a Transformers fan because it didn’t have the characters he recognized. You don’t say?
He said playing this game made him feel like a kid again. How strange since this isn’t the G1 continuity, it’s an all new one that… never mind this is getting too nerdy.

He praises the story, cut scenes and fighting, lists off a few characters he recognizes and then curses Michael Bay because they weren’t in the movies. After reading the script to his shelved TMNT movie, loyalty to the source material is the LAST thing you should expect from him. I know he was only producing, but his trademarks were all over it.

0:57 - 1:19: He keeps going on about the characters, and says he can tell the creators were hardcore Transformers fans. Didn’t one of their reps tell you this himself at E3? It’s kind of a given since War for Cybertron was fairly faithful too.

We then cut to IG in a wide shot, giving away that something will show up on screen. My bet is on an Energon cube falling from the ceiling.
He brings up that you not only play as the good guys, but also the bad guys. Yeah, I’m getting the feeling that outside of that 5-10 minutes at E3 2010, he didn’t actually play War for Cybertron.
After he brings up the bad guys, Megatron walks in (still with the Starscream voice) and says it’s his time to shine. IG tells him that he only shows up at the end. The end? There’s 13 chapters and Megatron’s first playable chapter is 9. Sure it’s near the end but the way you phrased that made it sound like he only shows up in the final chapter. At least this implies he beat the game, or he watched a walkthrough on YouTube.
Of course, Megatron gets mad, walks off, and IG gives his stare at the camera and shrugs. Because he still thinks this is a wacky sitcom.

1:20 - 2:13: He brings up that at E3 he had trouble with the controls but believes they fixed them since then. For some reason it cuts to a shot of him, and he says “Well said, narrator” Wait, that’s NOT supposed to be you? How… wha? My eyes are leaking a mysterious navy blue fluid, I think it’s insanity.
The “narrator” even thanks him. Where the hell did this from? Is it like Haunted Investigators where you’re so obviously the narrator but you still refer to yourself in the third person like the narrator is someone else?

IG brings up that while there’s action missions, there’s also first-person sniper missions. He says he doesn’t go for first-person games because they consist of killing the enemies, waiting, killing the enemies, waiting, all while we cut to him doing that. I believe the proper term is “cover”, as in take cover so you don’t die from the storm of bullets turning you into swiss cheese.. Not every FPS is like that, just the overrated popular ones. You sure it’s not because of your self-diagnosed vertigo?
He prefers to run and gun and throw himself into the action, which gets him killed in two seconds. Well, it’s not the game’s fault that you suck Chris. We’ve gone over this so many times now.

He brings up that there were a few moments he kept dying on, but is thankful for the ability to switch difficulties, as we see him go down to easy mode. Chris Bores on Easy Mode? What a rare occurrence!
“I’m taking the easy way out! Don’t like it? Sue me!” Lawsuit? Nah, would be too frivolous. Mock you for once again going on easy? Oh ho ho ho most certainly.

Now for his final verdict.
Blah blah blah fans of show will love it especially if 80’s don’t care.
And then he signs out with Megatron-scream saying his catchphrase… and Bores tackling him. He’s also somehow taller than him. Either this is a mini-Megatron clone (would explain the higher-pitched voice), a Minicon that looks exactly like G1 Megatron, or Bores has no sense of scale or didn’t care just to make this stupid joke. The last one sounds the most logical.

So that was… somewhere between the bad and the mediocre. It was barely a review, spending way too much time on his nostalgia. All we got out of it is that he doesn’t like first-person shooters and “Transformers = Cool”. The bits with Megatron-scream were facepalm-inducing, and that “Well said narrator” part just really bugs me. At least when other shows address the narrator, it’s obviously a different voice. Like when Winnie the Pooh did it.

By the way, new drinking game addition. Take a shot every time his controller is off, it happens so much with his PS3 controller. How can you tell it’s off? There’s no red light on the top. As well no blue light on his Wii remote and no green light on his 360 controller (though these last two consoles are rare now as he’s gone full-blown PS3 fanboy).

That’s it for now. He also said on his site he’s working on a new regular IG episode so… late September maybe?

56 comments:

  1. If you want, you can read my (better) Fall of Cybertron review on my blog here: http://trophyunlocked.blogspot.com/2012/08/transformers-fall-of-cybertron-much.html

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  2. I honestly don't know what's weirder: Bores pretending to be his mom, or his mom having arguably too much influence in his son's little "company"...

    A "big project", huh? Anyone else hope the new Haunted Investigators will just be him making a Slender LP XD ?

    While the review is Bores' typical superficial jabbering about a game he probably barely played, at least it got out pretty quickly - and that's at least some progress.

    The Narrator is NOT the Irate Gamer? What the... Oo

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  3. I mentioned this on the blog last year, but I thought I'd just remind anyone who's interested.

    Years ago I had an idea for a movie and/or video game. The cast of a ghost hunting show are filming an episode and slowly realize that their shooting location is really haunted, and the spirits are hostile.

    I was talking with some of the crew of "Nightmare House 2" about making this game with me. When some friends in a "Left 4 Dead 2" game were asking me if we were planning a "Nightmare House 3", I told them that we'd instead work on my "Ghost Hunting" idea instead. I went into quite a bit more detail than I probably should have, but they were friends-only games so I figured it was cool.

    Bores and I have a friend in common. I didn't realize Bores was in our game because he'd changed his handle. He heard all the plot details for my game. This was only a couple days before he announced that he was going to start filming "Haunted Investigators: Season 2" with "exciting new developments".

    Since then, I haven't heard anything. I suspect Bores stole my idea, but I guess we'll find out for sure when the new "season" comes out.

    FYI, I cancelled my project when I heard of the movie "Grave Encounters". I haven't decided if I'll ever bring it back, but probably not. The ideas are just too similar.

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    1. I was going to say, it did sound a bit like Grave Encounters. I haven't seen the entire movie myself (really just the trailer), but when Liz was going through a whole bunch of found footage movies, I watched the end with her.

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    2. If anything, he'll turn Haunted Investigators from a "legit" documentary where nothing ever happens into a fake documentary with fake spirits - aka stuff actually happening. Then again, such a concept is pretty stupid outside of a game or movie (since fake documentaries are basically shitty movies).

      Well, at least you might be responsible for making Haunted Investigators somewhat watchable :D

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    3. Even when I was thinking of it as a movie, I wasn't planning on making it a 'found footage' style. I've liked several of those movies but there's too many now.

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    4. @Shaolin Dave

      I wouldn't say that there are too many. I think not enough people know who to do it well.

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    5. @Vince

      Yeah, you're probably right about that. I have enough humility to admit that I'm probably one of those who would not do it well, at least not with my resources.

      @ Doresh

      I don't know if Bores took my idea but I know he doesn't have the capability of turning that idea into a quality production (I'm starting to understand James's indifference to him). If it turns out he didn't take my idea or changed his mind about using it, I'll actually be disappointed, because over the past year I've actually grown curious about how bad he could mess it up.

      Imagine Bores stumbling around his friends cluttered basement when suddenly his new sidekick, Johnny GhostHunter, is pulled into a mirror by Shadow Ghostlord using a bad green screen effect.

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    6. @VinceThePhilosopher:

      They're basically the cinematic version of those cheap "social games": cheaply to produce, yet with a big enough fanbase to ensure enough income to make it more than worthwhile.

      Delete
    7. @VinceThePhilosopher:

      Argh, forgot something >.< !

      I think a main problem with these found footage movies is that they are just not believable as actual "found footage".
      I mean, how often have you watched these movies, thinking something like "Why does he keep filming this instead of actually DOING SOMETHING?!"

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    8. @Doresh

      Anyone who wants to do a "found footage" style movie needs to watch every episode of Marble Hornets just as a reference on the proper way to do it.

      @Shaolin Dave

      It's all in the writing man. You need to be able to write in a way that the lines can come off organically and not forced. That and solid camera angles.

      Delete
    9. @VinceThePhilosopher:

      I was recently thinking about watching MH, actually XD

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    10. @ Vince

      I'd rather do something new rather that try to improve on a genre that's already saturated. Between my friends and I we might've come up with something great, but I tend to never be satisfied with my own work.

      One idea (not mine, my friend's) was to rig a house to seem haunted (he had some elaborate ideas) and invite people to spend a couple nights. We'd get as much "real" footage as we could. After that, we'd tell the truth and ask for their cooperation and consent to finish the movie with a script tailored to the recordings we had so far.

      That idea fell through. Part of it was ethical issues. Mostly it was finances.

      I did eventually use one of my rigging ideas during technical training in the Air Force to convince my neighbor that his room was haunted. Best April Fool's day joke I've pulled off so far...

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    11. @Shaolin Dave

      Heh. I thinking of taking the audio from suicidemouse.avi and slipping it under my sister's bed to give her a good scare. (I'd have to thank Batdan for introducing me to creepypasta).

      Delete
    12. @Doresh

      Oh yeah, then there's Behind the Mask: The Rise of Lesile Vernon. That's another good example of a "recorded footage" movie.

      Delete
    13. @ VinceThePhilosopher

      If you're sister isn't familiar with anime I suggest you use the same sound clip I used on my neighbor, Asuka from "End of Evangelion" whispering "I don't want to die" over and over again...

      Delete
    14. @Shaolin Dave

      Ah, now THAT is good. Nice to see a creative mind.

      Delete
  4. This video gave me cancer. A bland, inoffensive review padded out with even worse and less sensible 'jokes' than usual. He's a step away from doing a ventriloquist act and not even trying to disguise his voice or cover his lip movements, all while insisting without irony or sarcasm that it's a different character played by one of his non-existent friends.

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  5. I was actually a little resistant to the idea that LadyBuggin777 was Chris playing his mother, despite the fact that I did agree to it on the blog post back in late June. The fact that LadyBuggin777 is not a sockpuppet account and is actually Chris' mom is . . . well, I'll just say sickening.
    As for the review, I didn't think it was all that bad. However the parts with Megatron speaking were pretty bad to say the least. I also thought the "narrator" part was awkward.
    I also have no doubts now that Chris has become a Playstation 3 fanboy. The last time he looked at a Wii game was with Mario Sports Mix in his 4-in-1 Videogame Roundup last August and the last time he looked at an Xbox 360 game was with Castlevania: Harmony of Despair back in October 2010.
    Finally, I think late September is too early for Chris to make another regular Irategamer episode. I am guessing he will finish it sometime in either October or November, even December wouldn't surprise me.

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    Replies
    1. I was hoping it was Chris pulling a Norman Bates. At least that would have been an interesting development. As you stated, the real explanation is simply sickening. To think, there is a middle-aged woman out there who sticks up for her son by acting like a middle school child.

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  6. Why the hell would Bores give his mother access to his Youtube account? On top of that, when Bores found out about his mother's online behavior, why did he continue to allow access?

    As the review itself, it was boring, except for the narrator part. All I could think of was "What?"

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  7. You know, it's kinda sad that Bores now has nobody to act with. First Scottie, then Brad Harp, and now (probably) Eric Allen. They all leave Bores's videos one-by-one. Now Bores is just doing a one-man show and that's really sad.

    Anyways, the review. I have a feeling that Bores isn't really a hardcore Transformers fan. He only knows Optimus, Megatron, Grimlock and Slag. But what about the other characters who appear in the game? Soundwave, Jazz, Cliffjumper, Bruticus, hell, not even a mention of Shockwave, the most fan-favorite character in the TF Universe!

    The joke that baffles me the most is the narrator joke. Wow, Bores is reviewing the game, then the actual Bores with the controller replies to the narrator and the narrator thanks Bores/himself back. It's like, what the f*** kind of paradox is that?

    Also, I see you have heard about the script for the upcoming TMNT movie, BatDan. Yeah, this Michael Bay TMNT movie is definitely going down the toilet along with all the other Bay movies.

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    Replies
    1. After thinking about it (which I probably shouldn't do in the first place) I think that Bores is trying to create another dumb character for his show along the lines of Ronnie, Devil Bores, Shadow Overlord and Not-Wilson.

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  8. Is Eric Allen really right about LadyBuggin777? Just Asking?

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  9. I couldn't see it, on the account of him blocking me, and searching for it would be a waste. But something bugs me. Sorry for being off topic but, is it true that the new Turtles movie is shelved?

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    Replies
    1. AFAIK, it has been pushed back to at least 2014 because the current script is total garbage.

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  10. Didn't Eric Allen lied about LadyBuggin777 that one time?

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    Replies
    1. I don't know anymore. And if he did, I find it kind of hard to blame him. I mean, assuming he and Bores are still friends, I could kind of understand that he would be less than willing to out him for something so stupid.

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    2. Having argued with both 'Ladybuggin' and Chris, and seen his/her confusion about which one she/he is supposed to be live as it happened with my own eyes, I don't doubt for one second that they are one and the same person.

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  11. Michael Bay said that it was Paramount who commissioned the script that was floating around the internet, not his company Platinum Dunes. You should edit the review to reflect this.

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  12. By the way, Dan, I chose this blog to celebrate the 5th blog day.
    It's rigt here anonimo1208.wordpress.com/2012/08/31/3108-todo-comienza-de-nuevo/

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  13. Bores really needs to make some friends or get Eric back in the show. Having him play 30 characters is just ridiculous, it's pretty much impossible for anyone to get immersed in his show.

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  14. Hmm...Here's an idea: Maybe all this time both accounts have been controlled by his mother. Maybe Bores only does HIS website. I mean, it's only an idea, and it's probably wrong, but it would explain a few things.

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    Replies
    1. I imagine Bores uploads the videos and occasionally comments, but yeah, his mother most likely has full control of the account. Hence all the people who get blocked.

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    2. ...but if he's not spending every waking hour pretending to be his mom and 'pwning trolls', then whats the real excuse for him taking so long to do anything.

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  15. Okay, I just watched the review for myself, and one of my biggest problems with it is that after watching it, I'm still not entirely sure what sort of game it is. From the snippets of actual gameplay footage and his bitching about hiding and waiting, I'm guessing it's primarily a cover shooter like Gears of War or Uncharted, but because other than that one segment, Bores fails to describe gameplay AT ALL, I can't be sure. And this, to me, is the biggest reason that this review sucks.

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    1. Yeah, it's a third-person cover shooter a/la Gears of War.
      The way he complained about "waiting", I don't think he understands how first-person shooters, or cover shooters in general, work.

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    2. Yeah, he either doesn't understand fps's, or he only plays them on their easiest difficulty, like Halo, where on easy you can sneeze on enemies and they'll die.

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  16. Oh, Chris. Chris, Chris, Chris. Where do I begin with this?

    1. Megatron hasn't sounded like he's breathing helium since 1986 (I am counting being rebuilt into Galvatron in the movie and seasons 3 and 4). The deep-voiced portrayal started with 1996's Beast Wars and David Kaye's portrayal of the character, and the deep-voiced Megatron has been a key fixture of most continuities made after the turn of the millennium, yes.

    2. Once again, you're going in with no frame of reference. Sure, fans of the 1980s show could play this, but the Cybertron games are part of the Aligned Continuity, which is cherry-picked from the best parts of previous Transformers adaptations. Even I'm waiting to play War for Cybertron before I do Fall of Cybertron (I blame not getting an Xbox 360 until late 2011).

    3. What? You saw Dark of the Moon? You said in your Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles rant that you didn't want to! Good to know you're still keeping up your hypocrisy. (Note: I liked Dark of the Moon, and am glad Bay is no longer involved with TMNT.)

    4. I don't blame you for flubbing the scale at the end, for once. The Transformers Wiki's article on Scale outright says, "Scale in Transformers is, not to put too fine a point on it, screwed."

    There. I'm done. I think I'll go watch the new episode of Transformers Prime. I've been camping for a few days and it's the first time I've been online since last Thursday. I'm also after Deluxe Class RID figures of Cliffjumper, Arcee, and now Wheeljack. I really like the Prime version of Wheeljack. Maybe a Ratchet as well. Hey! He needed that!

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    1. I know Transformers like to screw around with scale, but I always got the impression that their robot forms were pretty consistent - and always much taller than humans.

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    2. I haven't seen much of the original show, but I'm pretty sure that Classic Megatron was never smaller than a human.

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    3. @lordlaharl:

      One of the very first episodes has the Decepticons attack an oil rig - suffice to say that their size is closer to a Bayformer than Bores...

      Delete
  17. @ SteventheAnimeNerd

    Cool. You collect TF figures too? Awesome. I have TF Prime RID figures of Wheeljack, Arcee, Bumblebee, Bulkhead, Ratchet, Vehicon and Soundwave. Now, I'm after Cliffjumper. :)

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  18. So Bores posted a "publicity shot" for his new ghost hunting video. Who wants to have a caption contest?
    http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc7/405226_348493495242571_1042085818_n.jpg

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    1. As Kirk and Spock:
      "Mr. Cicco, I'm, detecting large amounts, of, douchebaggery, in the vicinity"
      "You have it on self-scan Captain."

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    2. "Remember when the EKG meter had blinky lights on an antenna that moved around? But if you go looking for ghost today, the meter isn't anything close to what I remember. Face it, ghost-busting is ruined!"

      Delete
    3. "There's no ghosts here? What a piece of Sheeeeeit!"

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    4. "This EKG meter is a piece of cowabunga shit!"
      "That's your garage door opener, Chris."

      Delete
    5. "My Irate scanner tells me that the pixel demon is nearby."

      "Er, Chris, where are the proton packs?"

      Delete
    6. "This scanner seems to be broken, it's detecting a large amount of bullshit right where I'm standing."

      Delete
    7. "Let's see...
      I have about 23 emails praising me, and 164 emails I can delete for stuff like praising Ninja Gaiden III and making snide remarks claiming Nintendo is kiddy."

      Delete
  19. A new video was posted at GotGame. A sketch crossover (in the loosest sense of the word as Steve only shows up in the beginning and end) with GotGame owner Steve Masters as Bores tries "Real Real Gaming".

    It's that old "video games attack you in real life" joke done four times. It's boring and probably not worth recapping.

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  20. I just had a look at Irate's Socialblade page and either I am being really thick and misinterpreting the figures or there is something weird going on with his account.

    Over a 7 day period both his subscriber base and his channel views increase, yet his video views stays at zero. For 7 whole days, around 4000 people a day went to his channel and a few of them subscribed, yet none of them watched any of his video's?

    Whilst I have no difficulty believing that someone wouldn't want to watch one of Chris's videos, I do have some difficulty believing that a person would bother to subscribe to a channel and then not bother to watch any videos on it, surely you have to watch at least one to make you want to subscribe?

    Is it possibly that the subscribers are fake? Would shenanigans like that be carried out when they can be so easily detected? But surely the most important question of all is what the flip am i even doing being up at 4am even bothering to put any kind of thought behind such nonsense, i've gotta be up and at work in like 4 hours...what have i become :(

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  21. "Then for whatever reason he brings up that he just watched Transformers: Dark of the Moon, and that it’s a competent action movie but it doesn’t please him as a Transformers fan because it didn’t have the characters he recognized."

    Really, Bores? That would be like watching Equestria Girls and complaining because Megan wasn't in it. Actually, I'm pretty sure it's almost exactly like that.

    ...And I just remembered...I still need to watch it.

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