Man oh man, Bores has been hyping the fuck out of this game. Five videos previewing it with Bores gushing over how great it is. Halo 4? Assassin’s Creed III? Dishonored? Wii U? FUCK THAT! Real gamers overhype Skylanders Giants!
Yeah, his Skylanders obsession has gotten annoying. I didn’t even bother to cover the many videos he made as I found them pointless. But you know why he made them? They got him views. At the time of this post, his first preview video has over 392k views. His Silver Surfer review only has 122k. None of his E3 2012 videos managed to break 100k, except for the Skylanders Giants one, managing to get 243k. His video about the full roster is his most viewed video of the year with over 400k views.
And so his review of the full game is here. Clocking in at 6:18, it’s his second longest Neo review to date, and his longest Neo review of a single game. The 3-in-1 was 6:21. To let us know it’s “serious”, he even titles the review with “in-depth”. Yeah, I don’t know how much “in-depth” you can get out of “Gauntlet for kids”.
Also, the video was posted on YouTube instead of GotGame. Since Skylanders = Views, and Views = Money and… yeah you get it.
0:01 - 0:15: Instead of starting off with the Neo intro, we get IG with a desk full of Skylanders saying he knows people have been waiting for this review, and then the Neo intro.
0:16 - 1:59: IG goes over various improvements from the first game and… he’s actually doing a competent job. Why can’t he do this for every other game? What makes Skylanders so special?
Even though most of it is gushing over the graphics, yes it’s still an Irate Gamer video.
He brings up how the Skylanders speak English now, but is annoyed that a couple of characters no longer speak in gibberish. *looks around* Nope, I see not one fuck given about that.
He brings up the graphics again, then says it looks “too good” and misses the “grittiness” of the original. That wasn’t a style choice, that was probably a limitation. Since the first game was a hit, they were given a lot more to work with, and a lot more polish.
2:00 - 3:48: He moves to the figures because they’re a “major part of this franchise”. Well no shit, considering that the game only works if you have the figures!
Most of this is complaining about the Giants, how they’re too slow and hopes they don’t use this “gimmick” again. Stop calling everything a gimmick! I don’t think you know what that word means, along with “well-deserved”.
He mentions he rarely plays with them. So why complain?
Oh, because he gets into how he stores his figures. WHO THE FUCK CARES? Oh, apparently the fans do because he brings up that they asked how he stores them. Nobody was asking that, quit lying. Then he shows how he stores by element. In-depth my ass, this has turned to padding at this point! His problem with the Giants is they don’t fit in his box. *sighs* Does this go anywhere?
He says the new smaller Skylanders are good and my apathy continues to grow.
3:49 - 4:22: He gets into the various characters, noting the NPCs from the first game returned and that George Takei has a role, prompting an “Oh My”. Uggh, don’t do that again Bores. You don’t have the voice for Takei.
He mentions a couple other celebrity voice actors, both very C-List.
4:23 - 5:18: He moves to the accessories. They work.
The unlockable stages also work, but only received graphical upgrades
The old figures work and… this is getting tedious.
The Skylanders sidekicks work, but he complains about this icon in the bottom of the screen they have. That looks like such a non-issue that… Bores is just reaching at this point.
He complains there’s no cut scenes with the Skylanders interacting with each other. Well that makes sense since the game is reliant on you buying the figures. Just wait for the possible animated series that will probably happen. I don’t know, I really don’t care.
He moves to the final verdict. Finally!
Blah blah if you like Skylanders you’ll love this…
He brings up he has fun playing this with younger kids. Where the fuck are you playing this with younger kids? That’s just… creepy. Especially since you don’t have children!
He complains about scalpers, disagrees with fans about there being “too many characters”. Well, those fans were probably referring to the Series 2 figures, the repurposed characters from the first game.
He tells Activision to keep the character count “low” for the third game (HAHAHA No, there’s gold in them children’s pockets so why do that?)
He says his stupid catchphrase, then recycles that sketch from the first Skylanders video where he appears in the game. Lazy.
So that was… ehhhhh. There’s a lot of other things he could have mentioned like the ability to go through both upgrade paths, or how there’s a super move, or how the level cap has been raised or how his complaint about difficulty in the first game has been remedied with selectable difficulty levels (reading all this from articles I found). That way it would have really been in-depth. A lot of this felt like padding, especially the part about storing his figures. However, the biggest problem isn’t so easily seen. Why doesn’t have this attention to other games? People would give him less shit if this is how he reviewed games, not “play for an hour and consider that good enough”. Not “steal footage from other YouTube users and try to pass it off as my own”. Not “rush out a 2 minute review to make the release date of a new game”. What makes Skylanders so special? Is it the fact that it’s easy? I don’t understand!
*sighs* Whatever, I’m done.