Wow, November already? I’ll be right back.
Phew, I‘m okay now. Hm, IG has a new video up. An actual video, not another damn Skylanders unboxing where he gushes over how awesome they are. It’s a new I Rate the 80s, this time covering TMNT Comics. Wait, didn’t he already do this?
Back in 2008, he did a short video about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Adventures, a series published by Archie Comics. It was immensely boring, and according to YouTube user “morbidchid” was full of inaccurate information (see here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KekCA0DwLCU)
Of course, it could be one of the other TMNT comics from that time period. I shall see.
0:06 - 0:52: We get our intro with the cluttered desk, then IG holds out a trade paperback of the Mirage Comics TMNT. Okay, so he’ll be looking at the original. I sense much suckage emanating from this.
We cut to the not-80s stock footage, then we see… ooooh not again. Bores dressed as TMNT creators Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird. You’re not America’s Most Wanted, you don’t have to reenact “history”.
He explains how they were doing humorous drawings and eventually lead into the TMNT, knowing they were onto something great. Not exactly, they published the first TMNT comic as a PARODY of different comic books of the time. Specifically, Frank Miller’s Ronin and run on Daredevil, Dave Sims’ Cerebus and the New Mutants. They didn’t exactly have any “big plans”.
He goes over how the initial printing had only 3,000 copies, then it cuts to him in a green-screen warehouse going over how the printing numbers got bigger and bigger. As he mentions each number, he picks up a bigger box. On the 50,000 box, the Hamburgler appears out of nowhere and steals it.
*sighs* Chris, do you know why you’re not getting job offers, why you’re not getting people coming to you to distribute your stupid ghost hunting movie? Because you claim this is a “documentary” and then they see stupid shit like the Hamburgler out of nowhere. They won’t take you seriously.
Also, why the Hamburgler? The Turtles didn’t eat McDonalds, they ate pizza. Your reference fails!
0:53 - 1:07: IG says the TMNT were a hit, then we get a sketch of Kid Bores walking up to a news stand (also run by Bores in a hat and fake mustache) asking where the Turtles comics are. The mustached Bores tells him they’re sold out but they have Jughead, only for Kid Bores to leave. Why does Kid Bores suddenly have a New York accent? By the way, kids were not the target audience for the original TMNT comics. They were ultra-violent and not really suitable for youngsters. It only became kid-friendly when Playmates approached Eastman & Laird about a toy deal.
1:08 - 1:26: He mentions they’re in black and white, the Turtles fighting evil, and then brings up Issue #5 and that it “gets weird” with the Turtles going into space. Then… a bizarre sketch with a ship (I presume taken from the comic) flying past… what the fuck are those things? Could an 80s expert tell me what those are? I can’t exactly go by looks to find them on search engines. Seriously, what is this joke/reference?
1:27 - 2:10: “Despite these setbacks…” What setbacks? They did something you found weird? This is a series about anthropomorphic Turtles that study ninjitsu under an anthropomorphic rat, it’s already weird as hell.
IG moves to the comic becoming a franchise (while making a lame turtle soup segue) and we get more Kid Bores (oh joy)… wetting himself over the toyline, cartoon, and video game. Charming.
He mentions how the Turtles bandana changed from all red to different colored ones for kids to tell each other apart, bringing up the NES cover using an image from the comic with their all red bandanas. Then we cut to Kid Bores complaining about it (psst, I don’t think most kids cared) then… complaining about the water level. I’m sorry, I think we’re in the wrong show now.
Oh and the footage shows Bores not even trying to avoid the electrical seaweed, just like last time. You’re supposed to stay in the center! After he dies, Kid Bores throws the controller and makes a face, and then Referee Mario from Punch-Out appears and says TKO. WHY IS THIS SUDDENLY ONE OF HIS VIDEO GAME REVIEWS? It feels just as nonsensical and baffling.
2:11 - 2:53: IG moves onto the Archie Comics TMNT Adventures. Which he already talked about back in 2008. Also, aren’t you forgetting Mirage Studios Tales of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? An anthology book that served as a companion piece, telling smaller stories with other characters?
He starts talking about Adventures and… okay now this feels like he’s just recycling his original video. I swear he’s saying the exact same things. Considering Bores has clamed he’s forgotten games he’s reviewed in the past, I wouldn’t be surprised if he forgot about his first video.
“Who could forget the iconic issue 11?” Oh, was that the one where Shredder stabs April through the stomach and she crawled over to the Turtles lair where she dies in Leo’s arms? … I’m probably thinking of the wrong comic.
No it’s the cover they used for promotional ads. That’s… a really weird detail to know and care about. Also, I wouldn’t come close to considering that iconic. Amazing Fantasy #15 it is not.
2:54 - 3:38 He repeats more stuff he mentioned in his first video, and says it was great to be a Turtles fan in 1989, then shows footage from the second movie and says being a Turtles fan in the 90s was not as great. Strange you say that since the first TMNT movie came out in 1990, and the best Turtles game ever made (Turtles in Time) came out in 1991.
No, this segue was an excuse to show some of Vanilla Ice’s Ninja Rap so he can facepalm to it. Come on, it’s awesomely cheesy. Norselaw’s Viking Rap though, good lord that’s terrible (look it up).
IG says that by issue #25, the series went downhill as Shedder was missing (oh big whoop, how dare they use other villains), the stories were shorter, and Raphael had a love interest in an anthropomorphic fox (Ninjara is her name according to the TMNT Wiki) then IG wonders about the two of them doing it and says “eww”. I’ve been around the internet enough to guess that pictures of that exist.
3:39 - 4:16: IG claims that afterwards, the TMNT comics would never be the same, pushing a small pile of them off his table. Do I detect rose-tinted goggles? Also, the Mirage Comics continuity was still going. During the late 90s it was published by Image Comics, and went back to Mirage until the rights were sold to Viacom. Unless this was a 90s-style dork age, then I’m still calling “nostalgia fitler” on that comment.
He brings up the all new IDW Publishing series and starts gushing about it. I’m bored, can we end this?
IG moves onto the rating. I bet I know where this is head…
He brings up he wasn’t a fan of the Mirage Studios comics because it got too weird so he gives it Nostalgia Medicore. … Okay I didn’t expect that. Still, he has no god damn clue what he’s talking about. I get the feeling he didn’t get past the Triceraton and Fugitoid story arc because all mentions of the original Mirage series stop after that. Too bad since there’s some really good stories that follow. Basically, you’re a lazy idiot Bores.
However, he gives Adventures a Nostalgia Overload. Yeah, I gathered from the video you already made about it. You’re not a TV show, you can’t apply the fleeting demographic rule to your videos!
The videos ends with… oh for fuck’s sakes. Jughead appears and asks about his comic, IG calls it garbage, Jughead gets mad and calls Moose to beat him up. Wait, are we finally going to see IG get his ass kicked? Of course not, we just get IG saying “How do I get myself into these situations?” Because you write your show like a rejected Family Guy episode. I actually expected the “wa-wa-wa” horns to go off after he said that line.
Yeah, this was terrible. Barely talking about the original comics, recycling material from his first TMNT comics video, more annoying Kid Bores, and references that make little sense. Along with some of the usual research failure (seriously, TMNT being a parody of other comics is a fairly basic fact among fans, something that any self-respecting Turtle fan would bring up).
The question is, is this just as poorly-researched as Phelous’ Turtles Forever review? You make the call.