Friday, June 21, 2013

E3 2013 Part 1: Let Slip the Dogs of Console War

Servers crashing, fan boys raging, PR thrown everywhere. Yep, it’s the Electronic Entertainment Expo.

As per usual, GotGame took the little money they had and brought Chris Bores over to LA to conduct more awkward interviews asking things that anyone could figure out with common sense. All while his 10 year old fans lap that shit up.

I’ll mark the date the video was posted to GotGame or YouTube, whichever comes first. This post will go up when I see fit. Probably after 8-9 videos (maybe).

Video #1: Sony Press Conference Reaction
June 11th 2013
http://gotgame.com/2013/06/11/e3-2013-sony-press-conference-reaction/

This isn’t actually a Bores video, it’s a Steve Masters video. But Bores is in it, and I feel it’s worth talking about. They’re also joined by SWAGshow, who decided to show up this year.
When Steve introduces Bores, he yells “GAME ON” out of nowhere. Does he seriously think people associate that phrase with him? Was there really any reason to yell it out? Oooh this is going to be a long month…
As I watch the video, I realize why they keep Bores around. Steve also has no idea what he’s talking about. Claiming PS4 has backwards compatibility because they announced used games support. …That is not even close to what that is. PS4 is not backwards compatible with your old games. Well, Sony did announce plans to release old games through Gaikai, but that‘s not true backwards compatibility. You can’t grab your disc copy of Uncharted 2 and put it in your PS4 and expect to play it. No wonder Steve keeps Bores around, he probably thinks his research is accurate.

They also mention that PS4 wins because of the price. Neglecting to mention the Xbox One’s many MANY anti-consumer measures. Honestly, the only one I expect to know that is SWAG…
UPDATE: As of June 19th, Microsoft announced they will drop the used games DRM and 24 hour online requirement. Kinect is still mandatory though. I highly recommend you do not forget they tried to do this and stay vigilant.

Bores reads his thoughts from a notepad he brought with him, otherwise this stuff would go right over his head. After all, he’s not actually a gamer. I love how Steve comments PS4 won because of price, then asks Chris what he thinks, and he just looks at his notepad and repeats the exact same thing.

His most anticipated game from the conference was Arkham Origins because “Batman”. I’d be weary of that game everyone, the development is not being handled by Rocksteady Studios.
He also liked Assassin’s Creed IV because … it was cool. Even though he never played the first three. I’m not being snarky, he actually says in the video he never played the first three games.
Hold on, last year he did an E3 video on Assassin’s Creed III. Did he not consider at any point “Maybe I should play more of the games I talked about E3...”. I do remember that on Facebook, he was complaining that Ubisoft wasn’t sending him free games. How cute, he thinks he has enough cred to get free games.

So, let’s see what Chris’ first solo video is like.

Video #2: Irate Gamer Dualing (sic) Roundup Report
June 17th 2013

A week after the last video was posted. Look Chris, when you advertise your E3 coverage is going to begin on June 11th, I expect it to begin on June 11th. Not a video you happened to be in, or the other videos from your GotGame handler, your own coverage.

By the way, it’s spelled “dueling” with an E. Wow, first solo video and we’re off to a bad start.
Sounds like this will be his recap of the MS and Sony conferences and the Nintendo Direct.

We open on Bores in the Sony conference after it finished up.
He starts with “Batman O-Ridge-Ins”. Yes, that is actually how he just pronounced “Origins”. You know, I thought you ran out of surprises Bores but this… this is astonishing. He said the same thing as the last video, he’s a fan and Black Mask is “coo’”
Then he moves to the PS4, shows Tretton’s announcements (he probably doesn’t understand why this caused applause) then… sends it to second Chris that’s at the Microsoft conference? Wait what?

“We’re at the Xbox Press Conference that just got done” How? If Chris is trying to give the impression this is “live”, then the Xbox conference should have ended HOURS ago! MS did theirs first in the morning, then Sony did theirs last in the evening. You should have done Microsoft first!
He starts with Metal Gear Solid V which has “cool characters and cinematics”. Anything on how it’s open-world, or Kiefer Sutherland?
Chris comments that he wants to know more about Dark Souls II. Nooooo you don’t. You don’t want to know anything about Demon’s Souls or Dark Souls. If Resident Evil 5’s easy mode was still too hard, Dark Souls II would you turn you into a prison bitch.
He found Ryse: Son of Rome to be “very involved”. Cause Quicktime Events are the pinnacle of “involvement”. Seriously, what did he mean by that? Then he mentions Forza 5.
His pick for the “coolest thing” was the cinematic trailer for Halo (zzzzzz). “I’m not sure if this is a remastering of the very first game or what” They already did that! They released an HD remaster two years ago! I love when he says he’s up to date with gaming trends but says ignorant stuff like that. By the way, it’s clearly Halo 5 because they announced it along with Halo 6 when they announced Halo 4.

We go back to Sony Chris as he once again mentions what Tretton said along with the prices of the two consoles. Again, I’m not sure he really understands how Sony was “undercutting Microsoft”. He probably just thinks it’s a price thing, or SWAGshow said something like “Sony just owned Microsoft” and he went along with that.
He said he’s looking forward to Dark Sorcerer. Wait, the tech demo with the old man that revealed at the end to be on a movie studio? That’s not a game. It’s like the PS3 Final Fantasy VII, it was only made to show what the system is capable of.
He mentions Assassin’s Creed IV again, and then brings up Watch_Dogs which he says look cool as you’re doing “hacker things with the internet and all that jazz”. His words.
That’s it? What about Infamous Second Son, Knack, Killzone Shadow Fall, all the indie games, Elder Scrolls Online, Destiny, Kingdom Hearts III?!

Then it cuts to a third Chris over at Nintendo. Was all this necessary? You really couldn’t just film three separate videos and show them back to back? You had to edit in this stupid news anchor shtick?
“This is Chris Bores live from the Nintendo Press Conference that just wrapped up!” What press conference? Nintendo didn’t have a live press conference this year, they had a streamed video.
He jumps right to Super Smash Bros and how Mega Man is a playable character.
“We all know him from the original uh Nintendo NES console” Good lord… this is so awkward. He then mentions the other two characters (Wii Fit Trainer and Villager from Animal Crossing).
He brings up Mario Kart 8 and Pikmin 3 then… signs off. What? That’s it?! What about The Wonderful 101, Bayonetta 2, The Legend of Zelda Wind Waker HD, or Donkey Kong Country Tropical Freeze? Especially the last one since you liked DKCR so much. Unless he played past World 2 and found out how crazy hard it was.

Then it cuts back to Sony Chris again and he signs off. What a lazy recap!
Then there’s a blooper… this E3 marathon is going to suck.

Video #3: Ducktales E3 2013 Review Coverage
June 18th 2013

Makes sense, DuckTales: Remastered is cashing in on nostalgia and Bores always falls for that trap.
I also see that he still doesn’t know the difference between a “review” and a “preview”. You’ve been doing this for how long?

First interview and it’s about as generic as it usual is. Characters, voice actors, length, that was about it. Some odd questions like if the voice acting sessions were fun (which the rep obviously didn’t know because he wasn’t there) and if there’s material taken from the comic books.
At one point, the rep says there’s new content, and later in the interview, Bores asks if there’s new content. … Listen!

Video #4: E3 2013 Alice in Chains Jerry Cantrell Ubisoft Conference Rocksmith 2014
June 19th 2013
Exclusive to YouTube

This… was pointless. It’s just a recording of Jerry Cantrell’s performance at the Ubisoft conference. That’s it. You can find this exact same clip in better quality all over YouTube. Does Bores not realize that these conferences are streamed to everyone and aren’t private showings?

Video #5: Batman Arkham Origins E3 2013 Review Coverage
June 19th 2013

No surprise here.
And he still can’t pronounce “Origins” correctly. Is that an accent quirk because I have never heard that.
He mentions the ending of Arkham City but doesn’t spoil it, he probably just read what happened since he didn’t beat the game for his Neo review.
“I’m sure there will be Easter Eggs” It’s a sandbox game, no shit there will be Easter Eggs.
Yeah… run-of-the-mill generic interview. I would have asked if WB Games Montreal could handle this game considering Arkham City Armored Edition had major framerate issues and Rocksteady isn’t working on the title.

Video #6: Mario Kart 8 Wii-U E3 2013 Interview
June 20th 2013

Oh hey, he didn’t call it a review. Progress.
*reads description* “Checking out this long awaited title” Long-awaited? Since when exactly? Since the last Mario Kart? Mario Kart 7 came out a year and a half ago. Not really a long time.

“It’s been a really long time since we’ve seen a Mario Kart game for a console” Oh he meant on consoles because apparently handhelds no longer count. You should realize by now that Nintendo releases only one Mario Kart game per console. Once MK8 comes out, no more Mario Karts until the next new console/handheld (whichever comes first).
Chris comments on new power-ups and mentions the Fire Flower. That’s not new, it was in Mario Kart 7. Maybe if you bothered to play it…

The rep mentions being able to race with up to 12 people online, and Bores compliments that as a “major upgrade”. It’s not, 12 players was possible in Mario Kart Wii, and you played that game! I remember that review, it had you whining about the “lame intro” for no reason.
“I’m really Chain-Chomping at the bit for this game!” Uggggggggggggggggggggggh. Don’t encourage him Nintendo rep!
The video ends with a clip of his racer falling into water. Ha! Then it’s ruined by a staged “shocked” reaction.

Video #7: Mario Kart 8 Wii-U (3 Stages) Play through E3 2013 (no audio) IG plays Review
June 21st 2013
Exclusive to YouTube

Good lord that’s a long title.
And I see he’s back to calling things that aren’t reviews “reviews”. So much for progress. Hell, he even mentions the Mario Kart 8 interview in the description and calls it a review. Ugh.
Anywho, it’s as the title says. It’s footage of Mario Kart 8 with no audio. Pointless really if you watched E3 coverage.

Video #8: Sonic Lost World Wii-U E3 2013 Interview Preview
June 21st 2013

*reads description* “The newest Sonic Installment races back to the wii-u” Back to the Wii U? This is the first Sonic game for the system. No, Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed doesn’t count, that’s a racing game. This is the first official Sonic plat former a/la Sonic Colors or Generations. Had he said “races to the Wii U” I wouldn’t have called this out.

At first, it’s just the usual blaaaaah.
Then the rep spoils part of the story. Thanks asshole, it’s not like I was actually interested in Sonic meets Mario Galaxy.
Bores mentions the Deadly Six are the first new memorable villain since Knuckles in Sonic 3. What about Chaos in Sonic Adventure? He was pretty memorable. Granted, that would imply Bores has played Sonic Adventure and hasn’t made it obvious the first 3D Sonic game he played was Unleashed.

At the end, the rep mentions their three-game partnership with Nintendo and that the third game is a mystery. Bores comments “now there’s a spoiler”. How? That’s been known since Sonic Lost World was announced.

*checks calendar* Oh it’s Friday. I think I’ll post a new E3 recap every Friday until he’s done.
What will happen next? Will Bores look at a first-person shooter? Will he praise the Xbox One’s now gone DRM policies (keep in mind this content was filmed before that announcement) Will I give a fuck?

70 comments:

  1. Why am I not surprised Bores would be gushing over the PS4 due to his Sony fanboyism? God, I wish I was proven wrong... and I still don't like the lack of backwards-compatibility, although I'm glad you can stream PS1, PS2, and PS3 games to the new system.

    And I'm glad Microsoft listened to its fans... somewhat. :-) Although I'm still not sure I'd recommend buying it.

    But to be honest, I still think Nintendo will win the console wars again. A more appealing lineup of games and the fact that you can download old NES and SNES games for only 30c really helps. Hopefully, unlike its predecessor, the game library isn't mostly shovelware crap, though.

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. I think that it also stands to be mentioned that Microsoft didn't listen to its fans. Not really, anyway.

      What really happened was that Microsoft took a look at the XBox One's lower-than-expected pre-order sales numbers post-E3. If our complaints played a role, it was only really inasmuch as they put those numbers into context and informed what Microsoft would have to do in order to reverse the system's fortunes. In the end it was indeed a win, but one for consumers at large rather than specifically for the folks who ran Twitter campaigns and started Facebook groups.

      It bothers me that folks are chalking it up as a win, if only because Microsoft hasn't really done anything to repair the damage that it's done to the XBox brand, or to earn itself any good will. All that it did was finally realize that there's more money to be made from offering consumers a product that they want than one that they don't, and realizing it a couple of months after it should already have been abundantly clear to them. To be willing to forgive and forget after all that Microsoft has done recently, just because we're awash in the warm glow of a victory that we never really won is to play right into the company's hands.

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  2. Oi vey need an aspirin after finding out what bores said. Seriously who did he think he was fooling with that Nintendo part?

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  3. Good Thing Bores didn't mentioned Pokémon X and Y :)

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    1. ... For now. Although I think he probably won't talk about Pokemon X and Y because he barelycare about Pokemon.

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    2. Most likely, he'll gloss it over like he always has. My guess is the Pokémon poster in his game room was just him trying to look legit. As per usual, it's not working.

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  4. The Chain Chomping jot could've been funny if he quickly apologized for the bad pun.

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  5. Hey, someone did a journal about me and gets her facts wrong. If anyone cares about that anyway...

    Also, why's Chris keep thinking that 'preview' and 'review' is the same thing?

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    1. Probably because they both rhyme, I suppose.

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    2. I think 'review' can mean a look over or brief study of something. Even so, he's still using it oddly and it's never how the word is used when talking pieces of media.

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  6. To be fair, This helped to ease my fears a little of Origins:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qe88pKGHors

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  7. Glossing over key games? Check. Mispronouncing relatively easy words? Check. Incorrect facts and game terminology that imply Captain N is the extent of his knowledge of gaming? Checkmate. So, looks like the usual bungling of E3 from Boring Man. I even made a drinking game just sitting here (only grape juice, don't really drink). If this is what's going on for the first few videos, it's only a matter of time before he does something catastrophically idiotic. I still have not forgotten the repeated insistence of "Nintendo is kiddy" last year, and definitely not blowing up Ubisoft's office the year before that. You tend not to forget threats of violence against major companies.

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    1. At this rate we can't possibly make a drinking contest... it'll end up being a drowning contest. we need to start establishing segments in which we can breathe!

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    2. In that case it might be a better idea to take a drink whenever Chris does something right. That way you won't be risking near-instantaneous alcohol poisoning. Though I suppose that you may not even have to take a single sip by the end, if history is anything to go by...

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  8. Looks like people can't stand this crap. He lost over 100 subs this week.

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    1. Methinks his brainwashed 10-year old fans are finally realizing his bullshit? XD

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    2. Or maybe a switch flips in their brains once they turn 11. :P

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  9. My Facebook informant just told me something awful.
    Bores got a 20 minute interview with the creator of... Skylanders. Claiming that some of the stuff wasn't talked about E3.
    I call bullshit. I'm sure it's in other interviews.
    Also, 20 minutes? Jeez, why not show that much effort in a series people actually care about at this point?

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    1. I wonder how many subs he'll lose after this one?

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    2. Zero. Most of his fans are stupid.

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    3. Remember skyrunner, these are fans that say his star trek "review" was one of his bests.

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    4. Kingdom come! Even by his standards of glossing over much bigger games to talk about Skylanders, this is absurd! My guess it will be on a similar pain level to the Skylanders Giants review; and at least 15 of these 20 minutes will be padding.

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    5. Far be it from me to give him credit for something that's essentially a flaw, but I actually think his obsession with Skylanders is one of the few moments where he shows any humanity in his reviews. Out of all the times he claimed to be a legitimate fan of a series or franchise, this is the ONLY time where I believe him.

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    6. Yeah, but didn't he lose a bunch of subs because of his Skylanders obsession? And now he's talking to the creator of it? He's gonna lose some subs, I'm sure of that.

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  10. One correction: The title for
    "Mario Kart 8 Wii-U E3 2013 Interview" is actually
    "Mario Kart 8 Wii-U E3 2013 Review Coverage Interview Preview"
    It's an Review AND a Preview AND Coverage AND and Interview!

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    Replies
    1. I was going by what he titled them on GotGame.

      I see he added more to the YouTube version. Jeez.

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  11. I just watched IG's 3-stage gameplay video for Mario Kart 8 and (my goodness) HE SUCKS! He keeps crashing into walls and getting hit by items from computer players. It's like he's never played a Mario Kart game before, or a racing game in general. Granted I haven't played the game at all but I bet I could do better than him, even with the built-in motion controls of the Wii U Gamepad.

    Also @ BatDan:
    "12 players was possible in Mario Kart Wii, and you played that game!" - MK8 segment

    While this is true, remember that Chris did not mention the online play at all in his review, just like in his Super Smash Bros. Brawl video. (Speaking of which, I will cringe if he ever does a Super Smash Bros. E3 "review" in the coming days/week(s).)

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    1. Oh, I'm going to love his reaction to the Wii Fit Trainer. Maybe the Villager, as well. Not so much Megaman, since his reaction would be the same as everyone else's.

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    2. You should said "It's like a five years old played Mario Kart for the first time". Really, My cousin played Mario Kart 7 and failed at it. That again, he's a child that isn't over 10 years old. But Chris is in his 30's.

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    3. Yeah, I remember playing Sonic 2 when I was 5 (happy 22nd BTW Sonic) and only being able to get to Casino Night Zone before giving up and going back to Desert Strike (which I could never get past the first map...)

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  12. I'm probably a little nit picky here, but the Assassin's creed series had 5 games, not 3.

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    1. Counting the handheld titles, there's 9 Assassin's Creed games.

      I'm just pointing out what Bores is saying. He said "I haven't played the last three games". Making it obvious he doesn't know about Brotherhood or Revelations.

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    2. I see, fair enough. It's clear he probably won't even buy the game anyway.

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  13. Check out theirategamer.com. He ungrammatically touts his own E3 coverage, and does not realize that his links are black, matching the page background and rendering them invisible.

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    1. I went and saw that. It's something a websites would try for easter eggs or secret pages. Not something the webmaster wants people to see.

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  14. You know what? I'd rather he not talk about Nintendo. Keep my annoyance levels down.

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    1. I agree. For him to repeatedly insist that Nintendo is kiddy yet give so much praise to Skylanders is a total load of crap.

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  15. His longest interview he conducted this year is...what a shock...Skylanders: Swap Force.

    It's so long that it's split into two parts and the first part is 11 and a half minutes long. Sheesh, his obsession shows no limits.

    It's also worth noting that he's interviewing the same Activision rep from last year for this interview. He may be thinking "Is this guy obsessed or what?"

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  16. Hoo, boy:

    http://gotgame.com/2013/06/24/super-mario-wii-u-3d-e3-2013-interview-preview/

    The big question: What does he think an anagram is?

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  17. Guys, what do you get if you found a combination of Mariotehplumber and Gligar13Vids?

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    Replies
    1. Everyone gets butthurt and that it. Seriously, I don't get it why peoples cared about Gligar13vids. He's a troll. I also don't get it why peoples actually followed Gligar13Vids like... like ... Lord... I mean Irate gamer! Yeah! Irate Gamer!

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    2. @GangstaLizard95 - You've found the ultimate troll... XD That's what you'd get.

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  18. At least the links to his new videos don't feature him mugging for the camera, like they usually do...

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  19. Man, I hated the fact that Karbia didn't do anything recently. I wonder why.
    Maybe I should do a blog about CHARLIE's comment on Irate Gamer Sucks. Though CHARLIE doesn't seems to be matured as of January 2013.

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    1. Ha ha, that's guy's still around? Why am I not surprised? I wonder how he feels about that whole "Yep Buggin's definitely Bores" thing.

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  20. Guys! The Summer Sale is on! 50% off Everything!

    http://www.theirategamer.com/Merch.htm

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    1. Fuck dat shit GOG is having a summer sale with 75% off certain titles

      http://www.gog.com/

      Ah chris you definitely can't compete against people who actually have a business plan.

      "Business plan!? This is an escape plan!"

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  21. So, Jon's leaving Game Grumps. He's doing this to bring focus back to JonTron, which I don't mind. Not only that, but Dan from Ninja Sex Party is replacing him... I don't know what that is, but he's already proven to be a worthy successor to Jon. It's all pretty interesting!

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    1. Never liked the Game Grumps, and let me share you guys why:

      At the very least, Egoraptor seemed like a Poser when it comes to Retrogames, specially when he did his stupid Sequelitis on SCIV.

      He was fine with his flash animations, which were a more polished and MUCH LESS grotesque version of Spazkid, and it seemed that was the only reason Sequelitis got views in the 1st place, a series that he didn't took seriously since there's only 3 episodes.

      Plus, he and Jon only gave the impression of just talking random riffing while playing the game, Without actually providing experiences or commentary or even something insightful about the medium and the games, hence why i think they were posers.

      Oh and the fact that every game they touched, went at obscene prices on EBAY, because of these guys (among greedy re-sellers and dealers of course.), and that actually send them games that for all i know, they could emulate or play with a flash-card.

      Now the idea was good, but it was executed in a very misguided way, however there's the Beard Bros. which seemed actually insightful, and heck, look at James & Mike Plays on Super C.

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    2. Well, heck, talking about the game grumps is even banned on /vr/ on 4chan, since they have multiple threads showcasing the bullshit speculator market for retro games in the last 4 years.

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  22. Sorry if its off-topic, but here is a Pixiv painting that a good artist made by my request.

    http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=big&illust_id=36640448

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  23. I dont see how people really couldnt figure out it was Chris before.
    I mean he acted like such a stereotypical tech-retarded 50 year old.
    Hell, almost every person I know that age has the ability to spell and type.

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    1. Now the question remains: Why would he pretend to be his mom if all it was going to do was damage his reputation even more?

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    2. Well that's obvious, Chris doesn't care about his reputation as long as he can troll people under another name. I mean we are talking about the guy who shamelessly runs scam contests, stole complete sequences and lines from other people, and gave shout outs to people who help him troll others. Do you think he cares about his reputation if when he literally does every possible thing to let people know that he only wants money and publicity? (with Chris obliviously ignoring the fact that negative publicity is extremely harmful?) He used the puppet account irategamerfan345 for goodness sake!

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  24. Hey, check out a new blog I made that nobody will care.
    http://thechronicleoflordstarscream89.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Yeah I like the blog too but I can't seem to follow or subscribe...

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    2. That's because I didn't add it. Though Blogger changed the follower gadget is for google+ profile only.

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  25. LadyBuggin777 posted a comment 41 minutes ago
    oh btw Christopher also has his summer sale going on with all his IG merchandise. Check it out, might be something you'd like for 1/2 the price

    Subtle.

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    1. More like "I'M having a Summer sale." You know no one's buying his stuff. He's probably desperate to get rid of it all.

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    2. Holy Smokes, that history of video games dvd is regular 20 bucks!

      50% off is still overpriced.

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    3. I would pay $200+ on a copy of Panzer Dragoon Saga. I wouldn't spend even a penny on his crappy DVDs. If I really want video game history, I'll watch The Video Game Years.

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  26. Is anyone else excited about The Desolation of Smaug other than myself?

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    1. I would be but I'm too busy playing warframe.

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  27. http://batdansucks.wordpress.com/2013/06/27/are-you-an-idiot-for-defending-the-obviously-guilty-why-yes-you-almost-certainly-are/

    Lasersquad's final post about a certain idiot.

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    1. Lasersquad is also making it seem like that's the last post that will be done on the blog. Of course even though it is on fwank a certain explosive reactor got mentioned a lot. I can't stand people like the aforementioned reactor simply because it was people like him that stripped me of my self worth and confidence as a person.

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    2. That's the first time I've read that blog and I honestly don't have a clue what he's going for.

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    3. Yeah I think his quality of writing went to shit because its the last article.

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  28. I doubt Bores even knows anything about Microsoft's insane policies and is judging solely on price.

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