Friday, March 28, 2014

McDonalds Changeables: Heart Disease in Disguise

Just two days after I post another “Chris is being lazy” update, he posts a new video!

It’s another new I Rate the 80s (wow, that was fast), this time on the “McDonalds Changeables”. *searches* Ooooh, these things. They’re Happy Meal Toys made to cash in on the popularity of Transformers. They’re robots disguised as McDonalds food. I remember having these.

Kind of weird that Chris is doing a Transformers knock-off rather than the real thing first. Oh right, “budget issues” as he so claims. I get the feeling he’d cover the Go-Bots before doing an episode on Transformers.

At least this video is shorter than the GM Monster Cereal one (5:11 compared to 7:49).
Let’s go.

0:05 - 0:38: The video starts, we get are usual history opening. I’ll give Bores credit in that he’s using old McDonalds commercials and not stock foo- spoke too soon! Right as he mentions “kids”, we get some extremely modern stock footage of kids leaving a school. It’s extremely jarring among the VHS quality McDonalds commercials.
He brings up that McDonalds had Happy Meal toys for popular franchises like Muppet Babies, Garfield and… Destructoid Bananas. … Wha?
Apparently, IG is just as confused as I am as he “doesn’t remember them”. It’s a real banana with marker on it. Then it explodes in his hands and he coughs up Styrofoam that I assume is supposed to be banana.

What the hell was that? First of all, what was the joke? Exploding bananas… I don’t get it. Why is this here? What’s the point? Is this a reference to something? Why was the “banana” in his mouth after it exploded? Did he open his mouth really wide right as it blew up? Why isn’t the rest of him singed? At least in cartoons, characters have black marks all over them after a bomb blows up. Seriously, what’s the joke?!

0:39 - 1:17: IG mentions that in 1987, Transformers was hitting their “popularity peak”. Really? I would have thought that was 1986 since that’s when the movie came out.
He shows off the six Changeables that he has, lists them off until he gets to Fries and notices it’s gone. Then a McDonalds Fry Guy shows up, IG calls him a Goblin for some reason… hang on *does some research* Oh, they were originally called Goblins in the 70s and early 80s. They were changed to Fry Guys, but now they’re Fry Kids. Why call them their original name? Especially when Chris was like 4 or 5 when they changed their name. Is he trying to sound “cool” and “retro” or something?
Then he jokes about a “McDonalds Ashtray robot”. Is this another thing from the 80s you “fondly” remember? McDonalds having ashtrays for smokers? Because… that’s sad.

1:17 - 1:43: He brings up how the toys had a trial run in St. Louis (Citation Needed) before going nationwide and lists off a bunch of other Happy Meal toys that did the same, ending on “Banana Buddies”. Really Chris, we’re really doing this joke again? Again, what is the point? Unsurprisingly, the banana explodes in his hand again, and he coughs up Styrofoam. You really couldn’t make it yellow? I predict this joke will happen a third time.

1:43 - 2:45: The toys rolled out nationwide, he shows a bit of the commercial. He then says they released “eight toys” Wouldn’t that qualify as Series 2? That’s what I’m reading on Wikipedia here.
We then get a sketch with Kid Bores getting the Fries Changeable resulting in him getting attacked by a Fry Kid. This video is beyond stupid…
He claims it’s completely random (1 in 8 chance isn’t that bad…) and it’s as random as “Press Your Luck” Wait, are we seriously doing this joke again? Chris, how bankrupt for ideas are you that you’re doing this stupid joke again? Are you just hoping nobody remembers the Q*bert review?
Oh, but the joke is different this time, because the Whammy robs him at gunpoint, and then it cuts to Kid Bores watching saying he loves the show. Was that needed?

2:46 - 3:18: He lists off the 8 toys in Series 2 (how he remembers that they rolled out two new ones every week is beyond me…). He’s about to say that getting all of them together does something, when he notices one is missing. Let me guess, Fry Kid again? No it’s… Gummies. What? Why? Who? How? What’s the fucking point of any of this?! Where’s the humor?

3:18 - 3:28: Anyway, what can they do together? Become Devastator? No, nothing like that. He just says they become a “force to be reckoned with”. They can destroy cities, hold on, aren’t they supposed to be good guys? Do you have this weird idea that half of them are AutoFries and the other half are DeceptiShakes? Did you just want to poorly animate one of them destroying a city or something?
He also mentions playing with friends, resulting in a one second cameo from Wise Sage. I wonder how much footage they got in the one day of shooting Eric has (he has a family to take care of… by the way Eric, get in touch with me. I can’t contact you on YouTube since they completely changed how messaging works). IG also tries to eat one but fails… This would explain so much.

3:28 - 3:59: The Changeables were a hit, and they brought them back in 1991 (it might be 1990, Wiki says 90 but a commercial I found says 91) but instead of robots, they changed into dinosaurs. Kid Bores is angry at this because he claims dinosaurs aren’t cool and he’d rather play with Rainbow Brite. Ha ha screw you too. Dinosaurs are awesome, you’re an idiot. By the way Chris, aren’t you the one that just made a video where you fought with dinosaur robots? There’s a reason nobody takes you seriously.

He claims the toys did “so badly” that they exploded in a firey hellish blaze. … Your idea of hyperbole isn’t funny. And then a random cameo from Punchy, the Hawaiian Punch mascot. WHY? Just… why?

Onto the rating… joy.
He mentions that he loved playing with these as a kid and his friends collected them as well. Did you really play with your Happy Meal toys? Be honest, you had fun for a minute and you threw it to the side. Just like the most kids. They aren’t even complicated like Transformers which require multiple steps to change.
He brings up a friend in St. Louis, which is where I imagine his source for the original six being in St. Louis only comes from. I find that hard to believe… But he did say he was late to the party so who knows. He’s probably just talking out of his ass again.
Of course, it gets an Overload.

As he signs out, three of the toys come to life. Stop-motion time again! Yaaaaaaaay……….
They fly off and IG grabs them, then they teleport away. IG ends up in… in the same place as Max Headroom. Really… we’re ending on another pointless reference? And Headroom has an exploding banana that takes his face off. Rule of three! Then Headroom somehow turns back to normal to “promote” I Rate the 80s. I feel dirty now…

Crappy crappy video, as per usual.
What were the jokes? It’s like he wanted to do a video on the Changeables but it was too short so he just made up the most random jokes possible. Even going so far as to recycle one from six years ago. This really just made my head hurt…
He didn’t even bring up if the toys were sturdy or not, if they were well made by Happy Meal standards. Was it even a review? Or was this his attempt at “education” as he so claims.

Look, if you’re going to reference something, have it make sense. Connect it to the subject at hand, showcase similarities. Referencing for the sake of referencing is bad comedy. It’s not a joke, all it says is “this existed at one point… LAUGH YOU SHEEP!”
And really, if Chris is trying to be taken seriously with these 80s videos, he needs to cut it out.

I get the feeling this isn’t the last we’ll be seeing of McDonalds on “I Rate the 80s”.

67 comments:

  1. Come on these videos aren't that bad

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yeah the problem is that the jokes aren't funny and makes no sense

      Delete
    2. How are they not bad? Your comment is very vague so we are not buying it for one second.

      Delete
    3. @Ciaran Hillock
      You... You're the ass who runs the Angry Joe Sucks blog, aren't you?

      Delete
    4. In-depth blog vs. one-line comment. Hmm. Nice try, Ciaran.

      Delete
  2. Boy, Chris is trying way too hard, isn't he?

    Also wonder if he reads your blog posts. Considering he put up a new video two days after the last post about him not releasing anything of substance...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You give him too much credit. If Bores was THAT intent on proving us wrong, History of Video Games would be at Part 10 by now.

      Delete
  3. I keep wondering if he's going to review McKids after this story arc ends. Surprised he hasn't done that already.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sure he'd like to, but then he'd get likely get flak since a certain other reviewer that's actually entertaining already has. So... chance are that'll never happen.

      Delete
    2. He sort of did review McKids on Game Boy, except he didn't know it.

      You know that Game Boy Cool Spot game Bores showed in the Cool Spot video? In Europe it was literally a portable incarnation of McKids, changed to Cool Spot when it was brought into the US.

      Delete
    3. There's another McDonald's game on the Genesis. I can't remember the title right away, all I remember is that you actually play as Ronald. I guess that would be fair game.

      Delete
    4. To be fair, McDonalds' has dumped a lot of crap into our culture. Any reviewer, good or bad, could probably make a year's worth of videos out of the whole dumb ugly pile.

      I wonder how it would go if Bores reviewed "Mac and Me?" It would be something like a contest to see which is stupider.

      Delete
    5. @ itsmrben
      McDonald's Treasure Land Adventure, it was made by Treasure, the ones that made Sin & Punishment.

      Delete
    6. Don't forget Global Gladiators. Surprisingly, none of these McDonalds games were bad, just frustrating and unoriginal.

      Delete
    7. @NetAccess98 - They did Dynamite Headdy for the Genesis, Guardian Heroes for the Saturn, and Mischief Makers for the N64 as well.

      Delete
    8. And Gunstar Heroes. They did that game so they could get funding and go on to make one of my favorite Genesis games ever. I imagine Boring Man would be quite "fustrated" at the gameplay and draw the ire of many like hid with Contra.

      Delete
  4. This is probably too picky, but The Bores flubbed the Transformers reference. He said they hit their popularity peak in 1987 but the footage he used was from 1984. In fact, the Transformers cartoon died in 1987 with a 3-part episode in season four. In the United States anyways but I wouldn't expect Chris to know Transformers history in Japan.

    So the Transformers popularity was actually in decline in 1987.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Another minor point: The original name of the Fry Guys was "Gobblins," with two b's, because whimsy.

      Delete
    2. Or to make it a pun on "gobbling," maybe?

      Delete
    3. @edgexl If he did, he'd probably handle it similarly to the way he did Kinnikuman. As in, further fall into the pitfall of interchangeable Asian cultures and completely botch the Microman and Diaclone aspects. Regarding the anime series at the time: I can only imagine he'd handle Headmasters, Victory, Zone, and Master Force the same way: not understand why they weren't officially brought to the states in that time or how they're considered hilariously bad by most Western fans.

      Delete
  5. BatDan, why don't you continue the Redux Recaps from where you left off? The next one you have to do is Home Improvement (featuring the debut of Wilkins, who was actually named Wilson in this one)?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Medium-time reader, first time poster yadda yadda yadda.

    I find Chris Bores to be a rather fascinating specimen on the Internet. He clearly doesn't know how comedy works and has hundreds of sycophantic fans that will defend his every move despite how ostensibly hostile he acts towards anyone with the slightest bit of criticism. His ego is something else as well; he steadfastly refuses to admit he's done something wrong even when it's blatantly obvious.

    Here's to reading more about the continuing failure of Chris Bores.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Speaking of McDonald's, they just released the Skylanders and MLP Rainbow Power figures today. You can all guess that Bores went over to his nearest McDonald's and bought Wave 1 out of 4 of the Skylander figures. So I guess he made this video as to get himself excited before the figures went out.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Wow, where do I even begin? Banana joke makes NO sense. It feels completely out of place and what does bananas have to do with McDonalds?! (Unless American McDonalds did made a food out of bananas before, I don't know because I live outside the States)

    Second, is it just me or does Kid Bores now sounds more like Fred Figglehorn?

    Third, I can't believe he once again used the 'Press Your Luck' joke from the QBert review. Such painful memories...

    Forth, the ending with Max Headroom was really pointless and wasn't even funny. CinemaSins did a much better Max Headroom joke and THAT ACTUALLY WORKS! (Check out Everything Wrong with Batman and Robin)

    And all I gotta say. Another terrible I Rate the 80s episode.

    Oh one last thing, when Bores says C-2, I was reminded of CC from Code Geass. Don't know why I said that. XD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Unless American McDonalds did made a food out of bananas before..."

      Well, McDonalds has, according to a Google search, had strawberry banana smoothies, but I think it's safe to say there is no relationship between these smoothies and the exploding bananas in Bores' video.

      Delete
    2. I bet the exploding bananas bit was in reference to Aqua Teen Hunger Force. (I refuse to call that show anything else other than that) a show which has objects randomly explode sometimes.

      Delete
    3. Oh yeah, one more thing I forgot to say, I hate it when Bores says Dinosaurs aren't cool. When I was a kid, I was crazy about dinosaurs. XD I'm now 22 years old and I still think Grimlock from Transformers was a cool character because he transforms into a T-Rex. :)

      Delete
    4. Wasn't he gushing over Grimlock in Transformers FoC?

      Delete
  9. What? Dinosaurs aren't cool? Of course they are, Bores!
    In 2nd grade, dinosaurs were a favorite subject; I always wanted to talk about them! I remember that the entire 2nd grade student body at my elementary school would put on a small show about dinosaurs every year. And who could forget about "The Land Before Time" movies starring Littlefoot, Cera, Ducky, Petrie, and Spike?
    Dinosaurs were all the rage with early elementary grade school children (and still are unless I'm wrong). Have you been living under a rock or what, Bores?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You forgot to mention that in the 90s, Jurassic Park was an amazing movie and that in several colleges around the world, Paleontology was the most requested and most attended course during the decade. The movie's special effects on the dinosaurs were groundbreaking and the toys by Kenner sold out fast.

      I remember as a kid, I told my parents that I want nothing but Jurassic Park merchandise: posters, toys, the VHS, and the video game from Sega.

      Lost World: Jurassic Park, IMO, was a good movie but Jurassic Park 3 sucked.

      Delete
  10. Saying dinosaurs aren't cool but Rainbow Brite is...that's kinda like saying Dark Souls sucks but Aliens: Colonial Marines is awesome.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'd be willing to bet a lot of money Chris would actually say that. (Or at least something like it, it wouldn't surprise me at all).

      Delete
    2. Or Titanfall sucks but Call of Duty: Ghosts is better.

      Delete
    3. "Dark Souls sucks but Aliens: Colonial Marines is awesome."

      The sad part is I can see this 'technically' happening since some people do not like hack and slash and are delusionally supportive of First person shooters no matter how bad they suck. Or you know, you could be an EGM reviewer
      http://www.nerfnow.com/comic/952

      Delete
  11. Isn't your comment about Fry Goblins hypocritical?

    We rag on him for not fact checking/doing research, yet when he sort of apparently does, you still rag on him.

    It's like I bet if he did call them fry kids, you'd call out they were fry goblins.

    Chris is a moron, but seems like at times you twist things as well to favor your points.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Its called Irate the 80s. So he should use the 80s term shouldn't he? In addition Chris just said it was 1987 before he talked about the Fry kids therefore in order to stay good with the organization, he should use Fry kids (and then say they were called Gobblins before 1987). Either way it shouldn't really matter, its a catch 22 dilemma that only good reviewers who put time and effort can evade. If something has multiple names, the only way to dodge any criticism is to name all forms of it, especially if your show is based on nostalgia and history. It would be like if a history textbook called Patton by one nickname without listing his real name or his dozens of other nicknames. Good research is one that is thorough and mention one aspect of a subject, no matter how obscure, is not good research because of all the other missing bits of information.

      Oh and both Batdan and Chris are wrong. Its gobblins, a play on the words gobble and goblin.
      http://mcdonalds.wikia.com/wiki/List_of_McDonald%27s_characters

      http://forgottenadvertisements.wordpress.com/2012/03/21/fry-kids/

      Delete
  12. You bring up a good point, however I have no doubt if he did use the "80's" term, BatDan or someone else would have pointed out the original name of the fry kids. Then there'd be some "witty" remark on how Boringman doesn't do research.

    I'm just calling a spade a spade.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah we really don't cut the Boringman any slack. But of course its hard to give a guy who deletes comments, blocks critics and runs troll accounts any slack.

      Delete
  13. http://irategamerdoesnotsuck.wikia.com/wiki/Predator_%28episode%29

    Wikia Predator article is done

    ReplyDelete
  14. Apparently it is not only Nintendo skipping PAX East this year. Sony, Sega, EA, and Capcom are also not going to be attending. I don't know why for the others though.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I think the styrofoam was supposed to be his teeth, not a banana. Either way, it still isn't funny.

    ReplyDelete
  16. You know, A thought occurs to me. If Bores won't review the toys, why doesn't he review the 86 movie? Yeah, it would be horrible, but it's not like he can't get the film. Yeah, he couldn't put it on a DVD. But he would get soooo many views. That movie is just as much of a pop culture milestone as the toys! Or heck, he could review THE FRIGGIN ANIMATED SERIES!!! Although, he'd probably like B.O.T. ...
    Again, a few ways he could do this...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He doesn't even need to have all of the toys to do it. There is no reason he needs to show all of the actual toys in order to talks about the G1 Transformers. All he needs is a good half dozen at the most and make use of one of the various toy catalogues.

      Delete
    2. As bad as B.O.T. was, I absolutely loved that Swindle sold off his teammates as scrap metal. That is just unbelievably awesome and Swindle is one of my favorite characters (albeit underused) characters from G1. I really wish the writers had done an episode or two where Swindle and Smokescreen had to team up after being stranded on a distant planet. Think of the episode, The Gambler" but with Swindle in it instead of that alien guy.

      Delete
    3. I've always figured - based on various TF forums - that the most unpopular episode was The Big Broadcast of 2006. I never saw B.O.T., but I can scarcely imagine it being much worse.

      Delete
    4. B.O.T. is definitely up there, although in terms of utter lack of quality it would have to be Carnage in C Minor. But yeah, I don't see why Bores could not need more than a handful. Really, all he would need is a basic transformer, a triple changer, a pretender, a power master, and maybe an action master if he wanted to be thorough...

      Delete
  17. So,Chris just posted this on his channel discussion in response to someone asking about batdanmn.

    "Not sure what Batdanmn is up to? He may have moved on to bigger and better things. Here's wishing him the best :D"

    Wasn't it Chris who initially stated that batdanmn was taking a break? Now he doesn't know what he's doing? I'd say that I'm surprised that Chris is caught in another lie,but that would be, well, a lie.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I've been wondering, why is Chris still doing this? Why does he still bother? I know this is a question you all ask everytime you come here but it needs reapeting.

    Youtube has moved on, the big channels out there has moved on or adapted to the new trends, but Chris still refuses to change.

    He was once one of the most subscribed youtube personalities out there but his fans have moved on. They either got tired of him or growed up.

    Chris has no passion for video games in fact, he has no passion for the internet either.

    How can a guy that has been as long on youtube as he has still make bad edits and still makes terrible effects? You would think that being familliar with a editing- and effects software for so long would improve after a while.

    He does not care about his fans either because if he did he would talk to them, maybe even arrange meeting with them.

    He is not just beating the horse, he is stubbornly dragging it all over the field hoping that it might wake up again.
    That Chris is still around baffles me. If I where him I would've quit in 2010 because by that time his inevitable demise would not have been so embarassing.

    Please Chris, just end it. Call it quits. This is not worth it anymore. You never wanted to do this and you still don't want to do this. Just let it go. You'll be thanking us.

    Sorry about that wall of text (And the terrible english.) I just needed to let my thoughts out.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I am now boycotting the guardian news website because its made of stupid and authoritarian state apologists. In addition, I feel very sorry for the Venezuelan people, who have to put up with only this kind of biased and insane information on a daily basis.

    http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/mar/28/venezuela-newspaper-crossword-clues-el-aragueno

    I am glad to know however, that the average or at least I hope the average Venezuelan are too smart to fall for this based on their twitter and private forum feeds. Seriously, this isn't the first delusional Venezuela article to come out, its literally pouring out of the guardian!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've read the same thing in The New York Times. Either this hoax is very widespread, or it actually happened.

      Delete
    2. Given the insanity that the Venezuelan government puts out I'm pretty sure its true. Though it could be false considering that every news source contradicts each other.

      http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/mar/20/venezuela-revolt-truth-
      not-terror-campaign

      Oh and I linked the wrong article that pissed me off. The above article is what has me angry.

      Delete
    3. What makes me more angry is that our president backs everything the Venezuelan government does 100% and is striving to make the American government more like theirs.

      You know, Obama does tend to be just like Chris Bores.

      Delete
    4. "our president backs everything the Venezuelan government does 100%"

      I'm Canadian and even if I were American, I don't see how you came to that conclusion. Obama seems to not give a shit about the Venezuelan government is content with letting the senators voice their opinions. Oh well, I still think its wrong for the president of an influential nation to just be sitting there while one of your suppliers of oil is being a complete jackass to you and running a democracy into hell and anarchy.

      I could see Steven Harper happily shaking hands with Venezuela though, he has repeatedly demonstrated he doesn't give a shit about the lower class and the disenfranchised. But I digress for Harper has just recently released a statement in which he literally just said that the future of Venezuela will not be one with the current president. It just goes to show that while its okay to be highly critical of your government, reality is reality and things are often different from what we imagine to be the case.

      Delete
  20. I think I forgot some stuff during my hiatus. Batdan mentioned that Chris has a girlfriend, is it a different person from Jenifer, from the Haunted Investigators videos?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, also Jennifer is apparently, if I remember correctly at least, Bores cousin. I'll let that sink in for you.

      Delete
  21. http://bigfantasticsword.blogspot.com/2014/03/please-forget-about-it.html
    I personally don't think it's funny...

    ReplyDelete
  22. and I discover Chris stole the theme song.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He's probably talking about "Blind Pass", which was part of Digital Juice's "StackTraxx" line.

      Delete
  23. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VF8zlnohZTI

    Let the world know that Bores had his made his first step towards professionalism! As of three days ago (I can't say today for obvious reasons), all of his Skylanders videos have been moved to a second channel, where they will stay for good. APPLAUD THE MAN!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Has anyone seen Linkara's new History of Power Rangers?

    ReplyDelete
  25. Buggin is really stupid.

    LadyBuggin777
    1 day ago

    +Nicholas Coleman LOL NO, Who cares what a 57 year old grandma has to tweet about? LOL That's for the younger crowd to participate in. Christopher has a twitter account tho., like most of the younger generation, now days. YouTube is about as computer savy as I get! LOL :D 

    How in the world does she not notice that she essentially uses youtube as twitter. Here's a tip buggin NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOU. While you may have surrounded yourself with yes-men it is very easy to show how hypocritical and idiotic they are.

    ReplyDelete
  26. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eE97szBCjJw&list=UU8ktlwmYqWeMxgz0aDqo-DQ&noredirect=1
    I'm sorry Batdan, but I felt that this post was pretty weak. Honestly compared to some of the other crap from Bores in the past, this was at least watchable

    ReplyDelete
  27. I DLAbaoaqu-ized this video. It's not as good as what DLA has done, but felt the video needed riffing.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbeoVHKMzTY

    ReplyDelete
  28. Bores messed up pretty bad when he said something about how random what toy you would get makes it almost impossible to get them all. Each week was a new toy, it even says that in text in the commercial he shows, 10 seconds before he makes that statement/

    ReplyDelete