Monday, February 9, 2015

Coin Opereated Stupidity

A new History video is already out, and it didn’t take a year and a half to do so. Instead, it’s nearly 3 months. The video itself is only 6:15 long. More assurance that he is NEVER going to reach the NES.

This episode will cover “Atari vs. Midway” and “Space Invaders” going by the title. As well as a bunch of other games going by the description.

I want to mention that throughout the entire video, there is an annoying URL watermark in the bottom right. If he really thinks people want to steal this… he is more deluded than I thought.

0:04 - 0:57: The video begins in “1978” (again, modern stock footage) and the “rut” arcades were going through. With RCA bowing out, leaving only Atari and Midway. I’d like a source on RCA leaving the market, or if they were even in the arcade market as I know of the RCA Studio II (which was discontinued in 1979).
He says the first game of the year, in January, was Midway’s “Clowns”. The only source I could find for this was a catalog dated January 1978 (seen here: http://www.ggdb.com/GameByManufacturer.aspx?c=Coin-Op&s=Arcade&m=Bally%20Midway&vid=558)
Basically, he reviews the game. One of his clowns misses and “dies”, prompting a poorly drawn ambulance to drive on screen and Bores in the back of it. Near the end of the segment his clown goes all over the place, leading to Bores to appear in the game again and get hit by the clo- ugh, not even a minute in and the annoying sketches are everywhere.

0:58 - 1:23: Next he looks at Atari’s “Avalanche”. Once again, he states the obvious about the game getting harder as it goes on (how ANYONE takes him seriously I will never get). He loses, yells, and a picture of snow falls on him because “Avalanche”. It wasn’t funny with the bananas in 2010, and it’s still not funny here.

1:24 - 2:15: Next up is Atari’s “Fire Truck”. Since it’s a co-op only game, we get a bit with two Bores. You know, this is just getting really sad now. People unfamiliar with Bores would look at this and the last video and wonder what kind of lonely weirdo he was.
Terrible banter, they lose, one tells the other to “go play in traffic”, somehow leading to the other to get hit by a fire truck “indoors”. THIS ISN’T FUNNY!
Also, no mention on the single-player version of this game? Smokey Joe?

2:16 - 2:47: The summer brought on sequels. Again, I think Bores’ source on these release dates are old arcade manuals. He really should cite these, it would add some weight.
Midway released “Sea Wolf II”, which is the same game as the first but in color. Instead of “hippie Bores” like the Pong consoles, the Arcade cabinet just explodes set to Roger Daltrey’s “Won’t Get Fooled Again” scream. Hooray, more copyrighted material that Bores legally can’t put on DVD, but he will because he is an idiot!
Atari released “Super Breakout”, which has more rows of blocks coming down the longer you play. Leading to a gag where these same blocks start falling on Bores. Is over yet?

2:48 - 3:29: Bores goes over some other games from the time. Atari’s Skydiver, Midway’s Blue Shark, and then Atari’s Orbit, a remake of Computer Space. Though, I can’t find anything that supports this, he probably just said that because the games look similar. That and he could recycle the old Spacewar gag from the first video! He even does the same scream! You’re only 7 videos in and you’re already out of material?

3:30 - 3:55: Namco enters the picture, which is the right time as this was the year they released their first Arcade game, which is Gee Bee. All Bores says about is that it’s not to be confused with the Bee Gees, with more copyrighted music!
“Video game maker Growlow” Video game maker what now? He was trying to say “Gremlin” but somehow muffled it up. This is why second takes exist.
Anyway, he brings up their game, “Frogs”. With a gag about swatting at “pompous Englishman”. This is the source of that fuzzy wig and beard picture he posted on Facebook. All dressed up for a pointless gag. Oh and his English accent is dreadful, but are you surprised?

3:56 - 5:35: Come October, Atari would release “Football”, which was popular. There’s a gag where “Coach Bores” yells at giant X’s meant to represent the X’s in the game. As Bores explains the game might be the most popular of the season, we cut to him in arcade as the camera starts shaking, different Bores and Ronnie (the fuck?) start running around, leading into Space Invaders.
Now, there’s a shot here of the Space Invaders flying over a city that actually looks decent, which makes me believe that this isn’t something Bores made. It looks like the work of someone else.
He briefly reviews the game, complains about getting harder (of course), dies, says it’s too much pressure and his head explodes. Whoever told him that his head exploding was funny, you were wrong, you were so very very very wrong. It’s just pointless and annoying.

He mentions the infamous coin shortages in Japan, then provides “fast fact” about the game being made by Taito and Midway merely licensed it. Not sure why that’s a side-note, it’s probably one of the most important factors to the game’s success. Bringing it overseas so everyone can play it.

Arcades were taking over, Space Invaders changed things, Midway is awesome blah blah blah.
Next episode is about the Odyssey 2. Oh joy, more HAL 9000 bullshit.

What was even the point of that? Those were barely reviews, and again the jokes were just painful. It really does feel like he cares more for stupid Family Guy jokes than actual history.

Seriously though, if his next video is only about the Odyssey 2 and takes at least 4-5 months to get here, he is never going to finish this. He really should just cut his losses and go back to doing want his few remaining fans want. Because I know the new influx he got only like him because “he’s not James Rolfe”.

46 comments:

  1. Oh, man, I can't believe Bores released a new HOVG that quickly! Knowing how long it took with the last one...

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    1. BatDan should really do a post about the horrendous RE5 review while Bores acts like a lazy fuck and posts nothing.

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  2. I like how he shows a shot of Interstate 5 in SoCal while talking about the year 1978. All of the vehicles in that shot were newer than the late 1970s.

    He also comments how an arcade game from that era gets faster and more intense the longer you play it. Thank you, Captain Obvious!

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  3. 5:43 Photo of the Pinball Wizard Arcade in Pelham, NH, stolen from www.jerrysnook.com.

    But, you know, it's great that Bores knows so much about gaming so that he can tell us all about it.

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    1. Wow, great eye! I checked and you are right. Here is the URL for that specific image: http://www.jerrysnook.com/2013/08/visiting-pinball-and-video-game-history.html

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  4. I'm disappointed, I was expecting at least seven more cutaway gags. When he mentioned Skydiver it should have showed him being kicked out of a plane by John Candy (because "planes") and desperately grabbing a raccoon's tail so he can fly to safety, only to find out he's in Flash Man's stage from Mega Man 2 and Freddy Mercury turns up to sing Flash Gordon leading to Devil Bores making an AIDS joke and Bores killing Mercury while Mercury screams in Ozzy Osbourne's voice. The lack of such a pointless, insulting sketch infuriates me.

    Let's face it, few if any still watch this crap for informative content. They watch it to see how many facepalm-worthy moments Bores can obliviously fit into each minute of each episode. It's like WCW in its final years.

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    1. *Though admittedly I just called the Super Leaf a "raccoon's tail." At least I spotted it though and corrected myself, instead of claiming I'm right and the rest of the internet is wrong.

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  5. I'd complain that he mispronounced "Taito", but AVGN mispronounced it the exact same way, so I guess I'll let it slide.

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    1. Funny, I tend to pronounce it as "TAY-to", too. Just a bad habit, I suppose. :D

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  6. As history series this is beyond incompetent. Bores is obviously only doing this for the cutaway gags. He has no actual interest in talking about real gaming history.

    He's not even consistent with other parts of his own series. Before he used gaming periods now he is going year by year. He could have easily put this in with the last video he made. Covering a span of year, for instance the Atari 2600 to the game crash would make much more sense.

    This video was more padded then a pillow factory.

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    1. Span of years.

      Autocorrect I will END YOU!!!!!

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  7. As expected, more artistic license history and bad sketches; and the views are quite anemic (even lower than the LED light review and his glut of Skylanders Crap Team videos). Guess I was wrong about him not being finished before Majora's Mask 3D comes out (I'm expecting my copy as a belated birthday present Friday). Consistently, these videos have been an example of how not to do video game history. Well, I guess it's a few more months till the next video. Good luck on the recovery, Dan.

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  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  9. Probably irrelevant, but he horribly mispronounced Taito. It's TYE-tow, not TAY-tow.

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    1. If we nailed him for that, we'd be hypocrites, since Rolfe made the exact same mistake in his Indiana Jones review.

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    2. How? It's not like James hasn't been criticized on here, before.

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  10. I'm disappointed how he didn't even explain much about Space Invaders. He never talks about how you can protect yourself from the enemy lasers by hiding behind the barriers. But you can't stay behind them for too long because the enemies will slowly destroy until it's completely gone or they will continue descending down to the bottom of the screen if you don't continue shooting back at them.

    What a wasted opportunity to explain more about Space Invaders rather than just throwing in more pointless cutaway gags! UUUUGGGGHHHH.....

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    1. Did he at least mention that the invaders speeding up as more were shot was not by design, but because of technical limitations that happened to work out? That's a very unique fact about that game.

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  11. Blip will be closing its doors

    http://channelawesome.com/forums/threads/blip-is-closing.53146/

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    1. Good riddance. Especially considering how they ban users who have anemic views on their videos (WTF?!).

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  12. I think Bores is just running on fumes at this point.

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  13. I think its pretty sad that Bores takes so long to make a video, that we get excited when a 6 minute long video ''only'' takes THREE MONTHS.

    What the hell takes him so long? No, seriously, it boggles my mind. He obviously isn't spending all that time doing research, what with all the errors he makes, and he can't take that long to get footage for the games, considering how quick he is to cheat in the retro reviews, or how little time he spends on the games in the NEO reviews (Brutal Legend, anyone?), so what else is there? What, does he really spend all that time prowling around the comments on his videos, pretending to be his mother? That's just sad.

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    1. And I'm still baffled by how it took nearly 2.75 years for him to make a video that's not even nine minutes long between parts 5 and 6...

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    2. I have no firsthand knowledge, but it makes sense to me that by this point Bores must have a regular full-time job (other than ghost hunting) cutting into his video production time. I also presume he's not the workaholic that James Rolfe is, and he certainly doesn't have Mike Matei helping him.

      Taking all of that into account, his other videos pretty well account for the slow pace of HOVG; one series siphons time and labor from another, with Skylanders towering over everything.

      Delete
  14. So, does anyone else have Majora's Mask 3D yet? I'm enjoying it so far; as I had played the game in its original form; but never owned it until now. I can say after 15 years; the game has stood the test of time and will get the recognition it deserves (despite the fact that it got accolades then and now; it never seems to stand out as much as Ocarina of Time). I'm thinking it will be a Zelda kind of year for me; given how impressive Zelda U looks (stick that in your cereal bowl, Chris); as well as my plans to take advantage of all the other Zelda-related offerings on my radar (Wind Waker HD, Hyrule Warriors, and the original game for a $5 spot on Virtual Console, among others.).

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    1. MM3D is a good substitute if you don't have the original and it's even a good game on its own, but I prefer the original over it. I felt most of the changes they made were unnecessary and some were even downright worse, like the swimming controls and the bosses.

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  15. IGSJ has a new video:

    http://youtu.be/SAep1xOTIBM

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  16. New DLAbaoaqu video: Classic Mario Retrospective 4.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-o1W0gHQUe4

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  17. Anyone watch Nostalgia Critic's recent review of the AVGN movie?

    I saw it and I was like "eh".

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    1. Eh to the movie or to the review?

      I thought the movie was disappointing but the review was spot on

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  18. I'll just stick with TVGYs. That's the good stuff there.

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  19. Also, remember the Breakfast Rants and how they had that high tech digital-looking intro? What was the point of that? I never got that.

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    1. Because Bores loves special effects more than his research and script-writing.

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  20. OT: What are your thoughts on this year's nominees for the Oscars? Especially Best Picture?

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    1. Sucks that Dawn of the Planet of the Apes only received ONE oscar nomination. And they lost to Interstellar, the most boring movie of 2014. BULLSHIT.

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  21. In other news, Batman Arkham Knight has been rated M.
    http://www.gamespot.com/articles/batman-arkham-knight-gets-mature-rating/1100-6425487/

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  22. Does anyone remember the YouTube videos of these two hispanic guys reviewing games like Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde and Megaman 1 and 2? I remember their videos were really good but unfortunately they had to quit making them as stated in their final video. I'm trying to find those videos again. Hopefully they weren't pulled.

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    1. Like I recall one of the guys trying to get past that one part in Heat Man's stage where you have to get past the lava and the huge pit by jumping on the disappearing and reappearing blocks and he got all bent out of shape that he couldn't do it and then after some time when he finally did get past it, the other guy says "You could have just used Item 2".

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  23. Okay so maybe what I did was a stupid thing, I'll bear the responsibility. I actually commented on Cinemassacre's Facebook thing, asking James and Mike if they can make a response to IG's bullshit opening up video.

    And you know what happens next? Someone replied to my comment saying "why should James and Mike make a response? Everything IG said in the video was 100% truth and I unsub James because of that." I deleted his reply soon afterwards because I don't want him or anyone to butt in my comment.

    It's funny that this guy unsubbed James Rolfe and yet he can still come into Cinemassacre's Facebook page and replied to my comment.

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    1. Yes, what you did may have been stupid, but at the same time, whoever made that comment about how IG was "100% truthful" was 1000x more stupid, IMO.

      Still can't wait for Brandon Brown's theory on why Bores has been getting undeserving support lately from that damn 39-minute video.

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    2. I been off for 2 weeks, and i really want to know that, any news?

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  24. Leonard Nimoy passed away

    www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/leonard-nimoy-logical-spock-star-720036#sthash.x9XePWH2

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