Thursday, March 5, 2015

Bores Finally Talks: Movie and Reality Show Are Real

In what seems like a response to what I wrote on March 1st, Bores posted an update video explaining that he actually will be appearing in a horror movie and a reality show. As well as some other things.

The video opens with him basically saying that he knows the channel has barely updated, and he's been "really busy" with side projects. One of them is the stupid ghost crap. So what are the others?

He finally mentions the movie. Claiming he got a "bit part". Wait, didn't he say on Facebook that he "got the most lines"? My informant managed to find the post and here's what he said:
"Just got back from a production shoot for a Horror movie releasing in 2015. Had a blast! They must of enjoyed my acting chops because I had the most lines out of everyone there!"
Now it's a "bit part"? You're so full of shit Bores.

Anyway, the movie is called "Gore Orphanage" and it's based on an urban legend set in Ohio.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gore_Orphanage Here's the page about the legend itself. 
He says he plays a paranormal investigator (ugh), and he "thinks" he's killed off in the first few minutes. You don't even remember if you're killed off? What is up with your memory problems?
But apparently this movie is a big deal as it was voted "Most Anticipated Horror Movie of 2015" by HorrorSociety.com. Call me when its Fangoria.

So what's the big reality show that he's been hyping? He's going to appear on Hardcore Pawn! ... Disgusting.
For those unaware, Hardcore Pawn is about a Detroit-based pawn shop. Where the show it's ripping off, Pawn Stars, at least attempts to be informative about the various items that shop receives, Hardcore Pawn is bottom of the barrel lowest common denominator garbage. It claims to be about "human drama" but like all reality shows, it's extremely fake.
So Bores is going to be on because... ghosts. Like I said, extremely fake.
And to make sure we know it's real, there's a picture of Bores with the shop's owner, Les Gold.
"They'll edit it down, they might make me look like an idiot" Trust me, you don't need their help to look like an idiot.

He mentions his dad and how he was sick. He believes he got better after he asked for prayers on Facebook. ... *sighs* That's not how it works Chris. I'm going to stop now to avoid any possible bloodbaths.

He then says he's going to finally focus on the channel again. He claims to have read the comments (have you?) He claims his big goal of 2014 was to finish the storyline. Which you did early in the year, what the fuck were you doing afterwards? Don't say "ghosts" because the last video was in March 2014, and you basically spent the rest of the year on your ass!
He says he has more planned... so is he going back on his "I've retired" claim? Make up your mind!

He follows that by talking about his site/blog. He claims it's hard to update it on a regular basis. WHAT? You just find random shit and write a couple sentences about it. Sometimes you don't even bother to write anything, simply copypasting an article. You're no better than Polygon... actually I think Polygon might be worse considering Kuchera and Gies.
Apparently it's so hard now, that he's asking his fans to write for him! To cover video games he doesn't know much about. Chris, you very very VERY RARELY talk about video games on your site. Are you that much of a scrub that you need other people to do the video game articles? This isn't supporting the idea that you're a gaming enthusiast at all. Can GotGame fire him over this?

The  video ends, and... begging for subscribers. I'm surprised nobody has called him out on profiting off Leonard Nimoy's death besides me! There were comments, but of course they were deleted.

Someone will have to inform me when his appearance on Hardcore Pawn airs. I've seen a couple episodes and I can barely stomach it.

EDIT: In a surprisingly quick turnaround, Bores posted a new video. ... It's only 50 seconds long.
It's another stop-motion Skylanders video. A Light and Dark Skylander are arguing (just saying their element names), a third one shows up and asks if they're arguing about which type is better, only to be told they're arguing about chocolate. ... Even Nick Jr. would call these jokes lame!
The dumbest part? The "plz subscribe" segment is LONGER than the content itself. Holy fuck!
EDIT 2: According to Harrod, the Dark Skylander in the video is meant to be female, but Bores gave her a male voice. SUCH AN EXPERT! Activision must be so proud to pay him in plastic.

66 comments:

  1. Tried to watch Bores' update video. Man, he's full of shit.

    And I find it amazing just how many positive comments there are! Likely from those who fell for the "opening up" video from October of last year.

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    Replies
    1. I take it he deleted all of mine. That's a shame. Mine were really good.

      Delete
  2. I don't even want to see the update video but I can tell from you Dan that the video is full of shit...as always.

    Ah well, at least I can look forward to Gore Orphanage after all, since Bores says he'll be killed off in the first few minutes. What a great moment to cherish for years to come when that movie comes out. XD

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  3. It's kind of hypocritical how Bores's own dad was so close to death and yet he still refuses to acknowledge that what he said about Justin Carmical on Facbook was completely inappropriate and unnecessary to say.

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    1. Also, he was really vague about the whole thing. Makes you wonder if it's real.

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    2. I'm not denying it was real, but he could have at least said what his dad had.

      Delete
  4. So, here's trailers from other movies by the creators of "Gore Orphanage"...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3cPdDOfGIGA
    https://vimeo.com/46546410
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4TTWJKsNdI

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    Replies
    1. Top quality!
      *rolls eyes*
      Yeah, this looks like direct-to-video trash. I imagine "Gore Orphanage" will be the same.

      Delete
  5. Seriously? I never thought Bores' laziness was THAT severe!
    >.<#

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  6. Chris reminds me of myself when I was a kid and constantly tried to find excuses to miss school.

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  7. "Gore Orphanage"? They should have called it "Gorphanage." Bam, better title, took me five seconds.

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  8. "He finally mentions the movie. Claiming he got a "bit part". Wait, didn't he say on Facebook that he "got the most lines"?"

    Maybe he DID have the most lines on the scenes he actually was in that particular day?

    "He says he plays a paranormal investigator (ugh), and he "thinks" he's killed off in the first few minutes. You don't even remember if you're killed off? What is up with your memory problems?"

    Do you know what editing means? How should Bores know how if he is in the movie 10 minutes or 3 minutes? If he was on set for 10 minutes that doesn't mean they will literally put all the footage into the final cut of the movie thus Bores doesn't know how long he is in it.

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    1. Yes, but wouldn't it make sense to consult the writer/director to see if you actually die in the movie?

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    2. Maybe he knew he was dying but it was the timing he wasn't sure about. He could have filmed the scene not knowing when it actually took place in the movie.

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  9. "Gore Orphanage." Sounds like some SyFy original picture with bad acting and effects from a Party City. No wonder Boring Man is in it. As for Hardcore Pawn, Pawn Stars, Storage Wars and their ilk: I can't watch shows like that for a different reason: too many bad memories of getting burned by bad deals myself. Dan, I wish you the best of luck in covering this heap. Now, back to Majora's Mask 3D for me.

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    1. Judging by the trailers from others works the same people have done, it's not going to be good. From a technical aspect, it looks extremely amateurish and the acting is bad for most characters. Gore Orphanage will probably be no different.

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  10. Spending time on side projects...NONE OF THESE ARE SIDE PROJECTS!!! Bores, why would you go on pawn stars? Why would any of your demographic watch pawn stars!? Most of them probably don't even watch TV, and if they do, it's probably cartoons! Hell, the only thing I watch on Tru TV is Impractical Jokers. At least they're funny. Sigh, Side projects...puh-lease. If that were the case we'd see more Irate the 80s and History of Lies...at least then he might make some semblance of money off his Youtube account

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    1. Ok, Impractical Jokers and The Smoking Gun Presents World's Dumbest reruns

      Delete
    2. He's not going on "Pawn Stars", you got your internet game reviewers mixed up...

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrntYxB92GU

      As for why he's going on "Hardcore Pawn", maybe someone made the offer and he thought they said "Hardcore Porn"?
      He is acting in a movie from a company that made a rape fantasy/snuff fantasy/lactation movie.

      Delete
    3. Either that, or it was to mock Pat the NES Punk's appearance on Pawn Stars...

      Delete
    4. hardcore pawn is always filming when you go in there, I went in there out of curiosity a year ago I was on the show but for like 10 frames, and all they had was garbage & jewelry which was mostly display for the show. They have so few video games. Litterally everyone was in the loans line, I was looking around, pawn shop litterally down the street maybe 2 miles down had more things to buy. I wouldn't doubt if he was just in the Area & went down there out of curiosity.

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    5. hardcore pawn is always filming when you go in there, I went in there out of curiosity a year ago I was on the show but for like 10 frames, and all they had was garbage & jewelry which was mostly display for the show. They have so few video games. Litterally everyone was in the loans line, I was looking around, pawn shop litterally down the street maybe 2 miles down had more things to buy. I wouldn't doubt if he was just in the Area & went down there out of curiosity.

      Delete
  11. *Sighs* Well, I can't believe I did it. But I did. I actually watched a couple of episodes of Hardcore Pawn. And...where the fuck do I even begin?

    BatDan is right. It is the absolutely worst reality show ever made. First of all, the three people who run the shop are unlikeable, deplorable douchebags. Les Gold is the most disgusting and money-greedy scumbag I've ever seen (Just like a certain paranormal investigator!). There was one scene I watched where a woman wants to sell two giant Blues Brothers statues for 2000 dollars. When the woman say that, we get 'WTF' looks from Les Gold and his daughter Ashley. They say that it's no deal and they can only pay her 300 dollars because there were chips and scratches on the statues. I'm not an American but I say it's fucking bullshit. It's just small chips and small scratches and that already deducts 1700 dollars?! So afterwards, the woman and her friends take the statues away and put them back on their truck and the woman tells Les it's because her friends don't think it's a good deal. And they're right IMO. Then this is where Les shows his douchebaggery. Les tells the woman he'll pay her 400. The woman pleads Les to pay her at least 1000 dollars because she needs college money for her children and I sympathize her. Les tells the woman "I know, I try to help you, 450 dollars." Wow, just wow...it shows how desperate Les is for money, giving her a small increase and prevents himself from paying her a 1000 dollars just so that he can sell it higher than 2000 dollars later on! In the end, the woman didn't make the deal and leaves.

    I didn't watch any more episodes but I read one review where in one episode, a guy tries to sell a pedal-car which he bought for 25 dollars and wants to pawn it for 1000. Ridiculous but Les is even more ridiculous. The two discuss for a while until they settled for 85 dollars. Sounds noble at first but later when Les goes back into the shop, he says to the camera that with a 'little cleaning', he can sell the pedal car for FOUR THOUSAND dollars. Wow...just wow...

    The two other people, Seth and Ashley, his children are annoying and obnoxious. They're both control freaks, constantly bickering with each other and always yelling at their employees. Then, the drama scenes are obviously forced. It's obvious that the customers who argue with the employees and make a hissy fit inside the shop are paid actors and it's ridiculous that this shop can have 3 or 4 fights EVERY DAY. So yeah, the 'drama' in the show is obviously staged.

    I'm definitely interested to see the episode where Bores makes an appearance now. It's obvious that Les Gold paid Bores to act like a bitchy customer and then gets throw out of the shop by the security. The producers are probably self aware that Bores is a money-greedy scumbag too and that's why they brought him over to their show.

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    1. And this is teh fucking reason speculators have contaminated the used Retro game market and games that are common as all hell like Turtles in Time and Link to the past are sell as Rare for $40 or more and not just Ebay.

      Fuck Redneck Trash TV

      Delete
  12. And shock of all shocks, all the comments on Bores' video are positive...

    I can't wait for Brandon Brown's theory to be released.

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  13. Let's review what Chris has done this year:

    * LED gaming light review
    * Launched chrisbores.com
    * Announced he's jumping off a rooftop in response to an all-girls Ghostbuster team
    * HOVG Part 7
    * A monetized eulogy video for Leonard Nimoy which ends with a call for subscriptions

    Coming soon:

    * Appearance in Gore Orphanage
    * Appearance in Hardcore Pawn

    Two thoughts:
    1. What exactly did he do to shock the Hardcore Pawn crew?
    2. Remember when Chris thought that Spock's scanning animation (standing there and nodding his head) in Star Trek 25th Anniversary is suggestive?

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    1. Wow, I didn't even know about chrisbores.com; it looks like that's the world's first source for all Bores-related news. In fact, he's going to appear on a popular reality show in January!

      Delete
  14. Replies
    1. I'd still like to know more specifics. Did he plagiarize anyone?

      Delete
  15. Worst Bores moments of 2015 (so far)

    5.) Launching a website with little-to-no changes made from the Pursuit of the Blech website

    4.) Reviewing seizure-inducing LED lights. The people of Shark Tank would dump Chris quickly for trying to pitch those things.

    3.) History of Pointless Skits part 7

    2.) Making a tribute video for Leonard Nimoy... only to end it with a plea for subscribers. Because... MONEY.

    1.) Posting a tweet about "jumping from a rooftop" in response to the new Ghostbusters movie having an all-female cast... a year after bashing JewWario for killing himself.

    We shall soon see where Bores' appearances in "Gorphanage" (copyright Blue Paratroopa ;-)) and on "Hardcore Pawn" rank.

    BTW, when you do cover Bores' appearance on the show, you could probably compare it to Pat the NES Punk's Pawn Stars appearance... :D

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  16. BTW, you know what I think deserves its own post on this blog? A rant about all the people (especially on YouTube) who are suddenly speaking positively about Bores and actually believe the crap he's saying. I can't even believe he got a lot of praise for having an appearance on Hardcore Pawn! (Pawn Stars is WAY better. ;-))

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  17. Bores should just quit making anything game related and stick to paranormal shit. At least then, he would be doing something he enjoys rather than making me cringe at his shitty attempts to play or "review" games.

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  18. Hardcore Pawn's spinoff show Chicago already had an episode with ghosts...but...why again with the main show...and with Chris Bores?!? I'm going to take the risk and watch it just to laugh.

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  19. Now, I have another question-- what would Bores say about that policeman in Philadelphia who got shot while buying a game for his son at GameStop? Probably something deplorable, I bet...

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    1. It might depend on whether or not he's ever had any encounters with the PPD. Having previously lived there and witnessed a few altercations they've had with citizens, I'd be just a bit more lenient if he didn't say anything flattery.

      As for this particular tragedy, however, I wouldn't want to conflate this fallen officer with any of the asshole badges I've born witness to unless I had a reason for doing so. Either way, I hope his family's suffering will ease and justice will be served.

      Delete
  20. The actual content of the entire video (the stopmotionpart) was actually only 18seconds. I'm sorry but that is lazy. 18seconds can be done in about 15-30minutes. And the main focus of the animation were the mouths so. No not worth it.

    @BatDan
    what are you thinking about his plans to bring out videos on Monday, Wednesday and Friday?
    If it happens will you do a week-round-up?

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    1. Good god, he IS promising three a week. So we'll get the same quality as always, except terribly rushed. (Microwaves popcorn)

      Also: he doesn't know what "Live action" means.

      Also: as someone in the comments pointed out, that "Dark" Skylander is a female character that Chris has endowed with a male voice. So however much he actually likes Skylanders, he's not exactly an expert- or enough of a fan to read the packaging or look closely at the figure.

      Delete
  21. I can't believe people think that Bores is the one telling the truth. Check out this shit, Batdan.

    https://batdansucks.wordpress.com/2013/04/27/justice-not-while-batdan-is-allowed-to-talk/

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    1. Just to let you know, lasersquad pretended to be an IG fanboy on the first few post of his blog.

      https://batdansucks.wordpress.com/2013/06/02/whoops-look-like-the-bosconian-spy-ship-got-away/

      Right now, he's in the middle of doing an article on Archfiend.

      Delete
    2. No need to be offended by that article. Lasersquad was pretending to be an IG fanboy back then to find out LadyBuggin is really Bores' mother or Bores himself. He managed to become 'friends' with 'her' and through looking at the IP addresses of each message 'she' sent to him, he conclude and expose that LadyBuggin is Bores himself.

      Delete
    3. I can't wait to see Lasersquad lay the smacketh-down on Archfiend with that upcoming article. As well as Archie's drones who believe him, Eric Gaede, and Bores...

      Delete
  22. The Skylanders video is getting a lot of dislikes, continuing to show that even though Bores now has a lot of suscribers, they still want ACTUAL gaming content.

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  23. One of these days, Bores is going to snap and tell everyone to stop buying AVGN's merchandise and buy his.

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  24. The family who makes videos about Skylanders are better experts than Boring Man...

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  25. OT: "The Simpsons" and "The Drew Carey Show" co-creator Sam Simon has passed away at 59:
    http://ktla.com/2015/03/09/sam-simon-co-creator-of-the-simpsons-dies-at-59/

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    1. A class act all the way. It's mostly OT, but towards the end of his life he did a little of the same sort of work we're doing on this blog:

      http://www.deathandtaxesmag.com/232722/fat-albert-writer-bill-cosby-paid-others-to-write-his-ph-d-thesis/

      Delete
    2. Don't let Bores find out. He might use his death to make money on YouTube.

      Delete
  26. IG has a video about Ducktales now. I dare not watch it myself, though.

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    1. It's probably the best video that Bores has ever done, to be frank. I mean, he acknowledges and praises the Duck comics by Carl Barks and Don Rosa, something that Doug Walker has never done in any of the handful of DuckTales-related videos he's done.

      The part towards the end where Bores offers his services to write for the new DuckTales series is pretty cringe worthy, though.

      Delete
    2. I guess that counts as a pass. Thanks for the summary.

      Delete
    3. Oh, you should watch it, Matthew! He not only talks about how great the old Carl Barks comics are, but he even riffles through the comics and holds the pages up to the camera so we can see how great they are!

      Also, if Disney needs anyone to work on scripts for the new series, they can let Bores know, man, he is available, email him, (laughter) do anything you can to get him on that show! He would love to work on it.

      Delete
    4. I'm sorry, but are we...are we actually PRAISING Bores?

      Delete
    5. With a measure of sarcasm, yes.

      Delete
  27. With the prospect of an international release looming, I have a question to you all: Am I the only one that hates Yokai Watch after watching it (namely, 42 episodes and a movie)?

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    1. I mean, the animation is actually quite nice; but the story is ludicrous and the main characters are idiots that make the likes of Ash, Goku, Luffy, and Natsu look like MENSA guest list entries. I don't know; I guess I'm way too used to darker series (or at least ones that have some degree of seriousness). I have too many anime I'm looking forward to this year for it (Durarara x2 Shou, a second season of Sailor Moon Crystal; and the 15th anniversary Digimon Adventure series, among others). As for the game; I also have too many I'm going to be looking forward to to spend time with one I'll hate (Batman Arkham Knight, Zelda U, Kingdom Hearts III, Mortal Kombat X; and the new Star Wars Battlefront; among others). I don't know if we Yanks will take to it the way Japan has; but at least I'll have material for my blog out of it.

      Delete
  28. Oh, God! He wants to write for the new DuckTales series? His delusions of grandeur have gone to plaid!

    I found it odd that he feels the old show does not hold up. DuckTales has actually aged better than many cartoons. Of course, the point of no return was when he expressed a desire for no Launchpad McQuack in the reboot.

    By the way- is it me or does it look like those comic books were never read? Seems like he ordered a bunch of new condition books just to show the camera how much he loved the old series.

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  29. Hey Dan, who do you think is worse, DSP or DashieGames?

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    Replies
    1. *looks up DashieGames*
      This is so obviously a character.

      DSP is still worse.

      Delete
  30. If Bores is doing MWF videos now, I'll save what he releases for the end of the week. If he keeps his promise that is.

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  31. This just in: Bores has released a "trailer" for "season 5" of the Irate Gamer. Correct me if I'm wrong, but a trailer for a new season of a show is supposed to have footage from that season and not previous ones, isn't it?

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  32. The fact that Bores couldn't remember if he was supposed to be killed off shouldn't be too much of a surprise- after all, when he was posing as his mom, he called Eric Allen the "Blue Sage," when it's Wise Sage.

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