Saturday, March 21, 2015

EO Are You Okay? Are You Okay EO? Because This Review Certainly Isn't

Jeez, I’m still trying to work out what format to use now.
I thought there wouldn’t be a Friday video, but then at like 10:50 last night a new video goes up.
At this point, I think I’ll just cover what I feel is worth covering. Mentioning the smaller videos in passing in other posts.

Anyway, new video. It’s an I Rate the 80s, this time on Captain EO. This feels a few years too late.
For those unaware, Captain EO was a science fiction movie made exclusively for Disney theme parks. It starred Michael Jackson in his prime, directed by the great Francis Ford Coppola, with George Lucas as executive producer. The movie was shot in 3D, but billed as a “4D” movie as it made use of in-theater effects like lasers and smoke. The film opened in 1986 (87 and 92 in other countries) and closed throughout the 90’s. It reopened in 2009 following Jackson’s death. Which is why I feel this video is a few years too late.

Let’s look at the description:
“This is a classic movie from the 1980’s that was made for 2 movie theaters only. One in Disney World and the other in Disney Land” Actually, it opened in two other Disney parks as well. Tokyo Disneyland, and Disneyland Paris. It’s not hard to find this info.
“Featuring Michael Jackson, we look at this movie through the hilarity that only Irate Gamer can deliver.” You mean the awkward unfunny kind of “hilarity”?

0:05 - 0:13: The video opens, okay this is getting distracting! Quit shoving so much of your “vintage” crap in front of you! We get it, you have old stuff! If a set designer saw this they would have an aneurysm. On closer inspection, most of this seems to be crap he reviewed in the past. So by Episode 20, we’re not going to even see him? Just all this stuff?
“We’re going to take a look at a little known movie” I wouldn’t exactly call it “little known”, it was released when Jackson was the biggest thing in the world, and the Disney theme parks are a cultural staple so really I don’t see how this could be “little known”. Then again, Bores lives in a bubble…

0:14 - 1:40: “Two theaters in the entire world” Again, it was four theaters worldwide, not just two. I mean, I’m looking at Wikipedia here and they have sources.
We see footage of the movie as IG talks. Bores, you do realize now that you can’t put this episode on a DVD. Otherwise, Disney will end you. Especially since the movie is still running at Epcot and Disneyland Paris.
He goes over the movie’s production, getting George Lucas “fresh off his Return of the Jedi movie”, apparently not realizing that Captain EO came out three years after Return of the Jedi! Going over the effects, for some reason he lists “special effects” as separate from animatronics, puppets, and claymation. Those are types of special effects Chris.
“This movie contained all the elements that would cause kids to beg their parents to take them to a Disney park to go and see” I’m pretty sure most kids didn’t want to go to Disney just to see Captain EO. It was probably one of the many many many many MANY reasons, but not the sole reason.
We get a picture of someone at Disney. I’m not sure if Bores is implying that’s him, or he just pulled a stock photo from somewhere online. If it was him, I’m sure he would point it out.
Then we see overall-wearing Kid Bores, this time not even trying to sound like a kid. He said the movie blew his mind at the time, and that there was also water splashing the front rows. Kid Bores smells it and asks “I hope this is water” … It is. What are you trying to imply Bores? That Disney would splash people with urine?

1:41 - 3:15: He begins describing the plot, the characters, says one looks like Max Rebo from Star Wars, says another looks like the Two-Headed Monster from Sesame Street…
Then a space battle ensues, IG notes it’s very “Lucas-inspired”, leading to a dumb “Use the Force EO” joke from Bores as a Jedi Ghost. Couldn’t get Eric for a 2 second shot? Didn’t stop you from doing that for Boo Berry.
He continues summarizing the movie, the crew leaves, gets caught by natives.
He compares the natives to the Borg from Star Trek, and starts getting “suspicious” because of how “similar” they are. IG questions Paramount, with a cut to Bores as a laywer saying “no comment”. Zzzzzzzzzzzz Huh? Still going?
By the way, if you’re going to say the Borg are a rip-off of anything, they’re a rip-off of the Cybermen from Doctor Who. A cybernetic alien race hell-bent on assimilation and conquest that end up getting weaker and weaker with every appearance.
He mentions they got Anjelica Huston to play the villain, the Supreme Leader, with a remark that she looks creepy now without the make-up, posting a recent picture of her with a “dun dun dun” and Bores overreacting in “fear”. … This isn’t how you win the Markiplier audience Chris.

3:16 - 4:19: More summary, EO’s crew turns to instruments. Bores claims he won’t make a smart-ass comment because he found it cool as a kid. Oh god, he’s letting nostalgia blind him! This is why you fail as a critic!
EO manages to the turn the natives into his back-up dancers, he references the Broadway play Cats… bored…
EO hits the Supreme Leader with a blast, which turns her good. For some reason Bores calls it an “orgasm of light” and says it was “pent-up sexual frustration”. It’s nothing like that, it’s a kid’s movie! Urrrrgh...

He moves onto the rating. Wait, that’s it? I mean, I know it’s a short movie, only 17 minutes. But this video felt emptier than usual.
Anyway, he summarizes his feelings, said he saw it when it came back after Jackson’s death, and of course it’s an Overload. IG leaves his chair… why am I suddenly reminded of the Nostalgia Critic? Then it zooms out and… Jay Sherman? From The Critic? Bores as an usher walks in and tells him to leave, but he’s stuck. So basically he ends the video with a gag directly lifted from the show. I mean, that’s clearly Jon Lovitz’ voice so it’s taken from the show. Not like it matters if he keeps that on the DVD, Disney alone is enough.

This was laaame.
It was barely a review, he mostly just summarized the movie. He didn’t critically think about it. Any statements he did make were obvious like “it look like Star Wars”. I mean, his “I won’t make a smartass comment” line was proof that he doesn’t even try. You can’t let nostalgia blind you.
The jokes were bland bland bland blaaaaand.
Oh god, I just noticed the title card. It’s the Captain EO poster, but with Jackson’s face replaced by a constipated Bores. That is dreadful.

There may or may not be a post on Monday. Depending on what he uploads.

Also, check out yesterday's post that I pulled the trigger on a little early. There you can see Bores being the exact kind of e-begging asshole he derided before. http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2015/03/ig-videos-week-of-march-16th-2015-toy.html

48 comments:

  1. "So by Episode 20, we’re not going to even see him? Just all this stuff?"

    that would be a step in the right direction. First not seeing him, then not hearing him speak, then not acknowledging his existence.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dumb-ass. He's trying to help Bores be a BETTER reviewer, not worse.

      @HuntertheHunter - People still fall for Bores' crap, don't they?

      Delete
  2. How would Bores's fans even know "The Critic" existed? Hell, I'm surprised Bores even knew it existed.

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    Replies
    1. The Simpsons, maybe? The character was prominently featured in the classic episode "A Star is Burns".

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    2. In any case, I doubt he'd understand its humor; just put it in for a cheap gag, like he did with MST3K in the Back to the Future review.

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    3. I would actually love to see MST3K tear Bores's shit videos apart. Not to say that BatDan doesn't already do a great job of doing that, but it would be the ultimate humiliation to Bores.

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    4. That is, if MST3K got a revival...

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    5. Maybe we could get RiffTrax to mock him.

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  3. I'm surprised Bores didn't mention Coppola's involvement; given how he helmed films such as The Godfather Trilogy and Apocalypse Now (granted, that would imply he's seen those films); and Lucas also studied under him at the American Zoetrope. This was a decent film for a glorified music video (better than Moonwalker, barring the extended "Smooth Criminal" segment); and of course, Boring Man covered it with his usual canyons in research (we passed holes years ago) and Family Guy skits. So, looks like I was correct in my guess of his self-indulgent 80s and Skylanders videos being part of his schedule. I really don't know how long it will be before another IG episode; but given the Duck Tales review, I can expect more Monster Party skullduggery, given how he promises lots of skits and jokes. Be seeing you, Dan.

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  4. I've been trying to do video riffs on Bores' content, though I'm nowhere near as good at it as DLAbaoaqu was. I'm not going to do anything with this video. It's just a lazy five-minute recap with pointless "jokes" sprinkled in. No substance whatsoever.

    I think Bores is doing this three video a week thing for the new "fans" he got after the "Opening Up" video (aka 40 minutes of butthurt whining and demonizing James Rolfe.) It shouldn't take long for these new fans to see right through him.

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    Replies
    1. I'm convinced that the "YouTube problems" he had last week that led to the DuckTales video being released on Saturday had something to do with his laziness/incompetence.

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  5. Someone pointed out the microphone showing at the top of the screen in the what is now regular subscriber- whoring at the end of the video. Another person said he would consider it an "Easter Egg". No. It is a mistake. Easter eggs are intentional. It's enough that Chris tries to create the illusion in his mind that he is perfect, but it just makes me fucking sad that his fans are so pathetic as take part in it too.

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  6. I'm just glad he didn't make any pedophile jokes in this one.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah because Nostalgic Critic never does that? /facepalm

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    2. Well when he did it in his Moonwalker review, he was making fun more of the situation than the pedophilia. When Bores did it, he did the pedophilia joke for no reason other than to make the joke.

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    3. AVGN made an MJ/paedophile joke as well but, like with NC, he did so in context with the game Moonwalker - a game where you're rescuing little girls all game and when you find them they bob up and down saying "Michael" with their faces directly in front of your cock and balls. Obviously unintentional but it's amusing in hindsight, and AVGN's only reaction was a shocked expression then moving on immediately to discuss the gameplay. He didn't just force child abuse into the review for the sake of it, it was a fair joke to make. Same with NC given that a large amount of the film is about Michael interacting with children and, as NC pointed out, the ending had Michael lead the kids into a dark basement where they had to be really quiet and not tell anyone they were there. It's a cheap shot but literally no comedian worth his salt could pass up on making it, that's the nature of comedy. Hence why nobody on Cracked has been funny in the last eight years, too mindlessly PC and afraid of offending anyone except when making sweeping racial generalisations about white people.

      You cannot reasonably compare either of these situations to Bores, who didn't make the joke based on anything within what he was reviewing, but had to write around the subject matter to force the joke into it. There's an enormous difference that only the terminally biased could ignore.

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    4. IIRC, I think AVGN subverted the joke in that instance by saying that you just save the kids. He did kind of the same thing with Total Recall when there were the fists in the fence, but rather than just say that they were just fists, he gave in and called them glory holes.

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  7. Totally unrelated but I find bores' fans perplexing. Seemingly most of them are young kids who watch videos about the 80's? Doesn't that seem odd to anyone else? I guess Bores' key demographic consists of the pre-pubescent, nostalgia loving kids with childlike humor? Btw I am aware that he has adult fans as well.

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    Replies
    1. If Bores can't be consistent, then why should his fans?

      Delete
  8. I'm currently having a YouTube comment section conversation with one of Bores's writers. He surprisingly acknowledges that Bores is being a fucking hypocrite and is in the wrong for asking for free Amiibo.

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    Replies
    1. Apparently it's OK for Avgn and NC to ask for hundreds of thousands of dollars and tens of thousands of dollars, respectively, but when Irate Gamer asks for a free Amiibo he is literally Satan?

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    2. I don't think it's the asking for Amiibo in itself that's the problem. It's that he's doing it AFTER he already called out James for asking viewers for donations.

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    3. I think you know that is not really the issue. Chris is absolutely free to beg for free Amiibos if he wants to. The difference between AVGN and Chris is that James is not making spoof videos of Chris and his e-begging only to engage in the same behavior.

      Chris actually did make snide comments and a 'spoof' video of AVGN's fundraiser and now here he is begging for Amiibos. Big case of hypocrisy right there.

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    4. That and NC and AVGN use the money to produce projects that everyone can watch and enjoy. Chris would be the only one that will use the donated Amiibos and get any use out of them.

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  9. My troll senses are tingling.

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    Replies
    1. If you're talking about Dr .Pepper, he's likely another one of Bores's idiotic fanboys.

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  10. The bitch is back. LadyBuggin777 (a.k.a. Bores posing as his own mother) has directly addressed me in the comment section again. You'd think that if he wants to sound reasonable and sensible, he'd make my comments publicly visible again so that it doesn't look like he's having a conversation with no one.

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  11. @BatDan - Hate to be nitpicky, but the French resort wasn't called "Disneyland Paris" until 2002. (It was called "Euro Disneyland" before that. Just saying. :-))

    Still though, it doesn't excuse the fact that Bores' review of the movie is all sorts of blah.

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  12. Has anyone took the plunge and bought any of his DVDs yet? I know that in his "I Rate the 80s" DVD he has a feature discussing the rating system, implying that there are ratings besides Nostalgia Overload and Nostalgia Mediocre. Is this the case, or is it just these two ratings?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. totalactionadventure.com has done the work we all dreaded and extensively reviewed just about everything Bores has put out on DVD.

      The link below goes to the "80's" review, though it doesn't seem to address your specific question:

      http://www.totalactionadventure.com/content/are-they-worth-it-dvds-internet-9-i-rate-80s-season-1

      Delete
  13. Ohhhhh boy oh boy. New video up and... it's an 11-minute Let's Play. Of Ducktales.

    Experts on the game (I am not one), please weigh in.

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    Replies
    1. Wow. He doesn't know what a Let's Play is.

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    2. Bores says he is not an expert at playing a game and talking at the same time. It clearly shows, but it's not like he was playing the game any better when he was remaining silent.
      Now it's clear to me why Bores will never do Let's Play videos, as BatDan has said before. He sucks at the game, doesn't have the patience to make multiple attempts at a single stage, and isn't able to come up with any clever remarks or witty comments during gameplay segments.

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  14. So now he is copying James and Mike Mondays?

    (Normally I wouldn't make that comment but Chris is the one who asked why James didn't reease gameplay videos until PewDiePie came along...)

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  15. BatDan, I know you have a new schedule for posting, but please make a separate post for the "Let's Play" of Ducktales on NES that Bores posted today. There's just SO much wrong with it.

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  16. Chris Bores doing lets plays? Didn't he attack James last year for that? Now he comes in like nothing happened.

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  17. What he meant was that when James started to do his lets play videos, nobody accused him of copying other people doing Lets play videos, however when Irategamer did his "angry reviews" , everybody accused him of copying AVGN.
    He used it as a comparison to show how hypocritical AVGN fanboys are.

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    Replies
    1. Judging from your comments, I assume you assume we all hate Bores SOLELY for the AVGN.

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  18. Replies
    1. Actually, he (sort of) does with James and Mike Mondays. His are just a different style from Felix's, though.

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  19. So I finally got around to watch the episode. Yeah it was a bland video, but at least not painful to sit through. What I don't get though is why Chris use the 'Use the Force' joke AFTER Captain Eo's ship crash on the ground? Does Obi Wan gives advice to Luke only after he gets killed in the space battle over Yavin IV?

    Oh and he also posted an 11 and a half minute Let's Play video of DuckTales. Very hypocritical of him. What ever happen to your accusation of James and Mike ripping off Pewdiepie? Especially when you are now also doing the same thing?

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    1. Never mind that the Let's Play does not help make him look like even less of a fucking hypocrite, but it was just so fucking awful. I dare even call it one of his worst, if no the worst, video he has ever made,

      Delete
  20. I just watched IG's "let's play" video. I think that a bag full of rabbid weasels are more credible than this guy when it comes to retro gaming.

    In the video he also claims that the final boss in mickey mousecapades was too hard. You can beat that boss in 5 seconds.

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    Replies
    1. I get the feeling that if he played Yoshi's Story he would get a game over in the second set of levels.

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    2. And I especially loved how he paused the game just to show us the cartridge to a game no one even cared about. God I hope he never makes another let's play.

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    ReplyDelete