Jeez, I’m still trying to work out what format to use now.
I thought there wouldn’t be a Friday video, but then at like 10:50 last night a new video goes up.
At this point, I think I’ll just cover what I feel is worth covering. Mentioning the smaller videos in passing in other posts.
Anyway, new video. It’s an I Rate the 80s, this time on Captain EO. This feels a few years too late.
For those unaware, Captain EO was a science fiction movie made exclusively for Disney theme parks. It starred Michael Jackson in his prime, directed by the great Francis Ford Coppola, with George Lucas as executive producer. The movie was shot in 3D, but billed as a “4D” movie as it made use of in-theater effects like lasers and smoke. The film opened in 1986 (87 and 92 in other countries) and closed throughout the 90’s. It reopened in 2009 following Jackson’s death. Which is why I feel this video is a few years too late.
Let’s look at the description:
“This is a classic movie from the 1980’s that was made for 2 movie theaters only. One in Disney World and the other in Disney Land” Actually, it opened in two other Disney parks as well. Tokyo Disneyland, and Disneyland Paris. It’s not hard to find this info.
“Featuring Michael Jackson, we look at this movie through the hilarity that only Irate Gamer can deliver.” You mean the awkward unfunny kind of “hilarity”?
0:05 - 0:13: The video opens, okay this is getting distracting! Quit shoving so much of your “vintage” crap in front of you! We get it, you have old stuff! If a set designer saw this they would have an aneurysm. On closer inspection, most of this seems to be crap he reviewed in the past. So by Episode 20, we’re not going to even see him? Just all this stuff?
“We’re going to take a look at a little known movie” I wouldn’t exactly call it “little known”, it was released when Jackson was the biggest thing in the world, and the Disney theme parks are a cultural staple so really I don’t see how this could be “little known”. Then again, Bores lives in a bubble…
0:14 - 1:40: “Two theaters in the entire world” Again, it was four theaters worldwide, not just two. I mean, I’m looking at Wikipedia here and they have sources.
We see footage of the movie as IG talks. Bores, you do realize now that you can’t put this episode on a DVD. Otherwise, Disney will end you. Especially since the movie is still running at Epcot and Disneyland Paris.
He goes over the movie’s production, getting George Lucas “fresh off his Return of the Jedi movie”, apparently not realizing that Captain EO came out three years after Return of the Jedi! Going over the effects, for some reason he lists “special effects” as separate from animatronics, puppets, and claymation. Those are types of special effects Chris.
“This movie contained all the elements that would cause kids to beg their parents to take them to a Disney park to go and see” I’m pretty sure most kids didn’t want to go to Disney just to see Captain EO. It was probably one of the many many many many MANY reasons, but not the sole reason.
We get a picture of someone at Disney. I’m not sure if Bores is implying that’s him, or he just pulled a stock photo from somewhere online. If it was him, I’m sure he would point it out.
Then we see overall-wearing Kid Bores, this time not even trying to sound like a kid. He said the movie blew his mind at the time, and that there was also water splashing the front rows. Kid Bores smells it and asks “I hope this is water” … It is. What are you trying to imply Bores? That Disney would splash people with urine?
1:41 - 3:15: He begins describing the plot, the characters, says one looks like Max Rebo from Star Wars, says another looks like the Two-Headed Monster from Sesame Street…
Then a space battle ensues, IG notes it’s very “Lucas-inspired”, leading to a dumb “Use the Force EO” joke from Bores as a Jedi Ghost. Couldn’t get Eric for a 2 second shot? Didn’t stop you from doing that for Boo Berry.
He continues summarizing the movie, the crew leaves, gets caught by natives.
He compares the natives to the Borg from Star Trek, and starts getting “suspicious” because of how “similar” they are. IG questions Paramount, with a cut to Bores as a laywer saying “no comment”. Zzzzzzzzzzzz Huh? Still going?
By the way, if you’re going to say the Borg are a rip-off of anything, they’re a rip-off of the Cybermen from Doctor Who. A cybernetic alien race hell-bent on assimilation and conquest that end up getting weaker and weaker with every appearance.
He mentions they got Anjelica Huston to play the villain, the Supreme Leader, with a remark that she looks creepy now without the make-up, posting a recent picture of her with a “dun dun dun” and Bores overreacting in “fear”. … This isn’t how you win the Markiplier audience Chris.
3:16 - 4:19: More summary, EO’s crew turns to instruments. Bores claims he won’t make a smart-ass comment because he found it cool as a kid. Oh god, he’s letting nostalgia blind him! This is why you fail as a critic!
EO manages to the turn the natives into his back-up dancers, he references the Broadway play Cats… bored…
EO hits the Supreme Leader with a blast, which turns her good. For some reason Bores calls it an “orgasm of light” and says it was “pent-up sexual frustration”. It’s nothing like that, it’s a kid’s movie! Urrrrgh...
He moves onto the rating. Wait, that’s it? I mean, I know it’s a short movie, only 17 minutes. But this video felt emptier than usual.
Anyway, he summarizes his feelings, said he saw it when it came back after Jackson’s death, and of course it’s an Overload. IG leaves his chair… why am I suddenly reminded of the Nostalgia Critic? Then it zooms out and… Jay Sherman? From The Critic? Bores as an usher walks in and tells him to leave, but he’s stuck. So basically he ends the video with a gag directly lifted from the show. I mean, that’s clearly Jon Lovitz’ voice so it’s taken from the show. Not like it matters if he keeps that on the DVD, Disney alone is enough.
This was laaame.
It was barely a review, he mostly just summarized the movie. He didn’t critically think about it. Any statements he did make were obvious like “it look like Star Wars”. I mean, his “I won’t make a smartass comment” line was proof that he doesn’t even try. You can’t let nostalgia blind you.
The jokes were bland bland bland blaaaaand.
Oh god, I just noticed the title card. It’s the Captain EO poster, but with Jackson’s face replaced by a constipated Bores. That is dreadful.
There may or may not be a post on Monday. Depending on what he uploads.
Also, check out yesterday's post that I pulled the trigger on a little early. There you can see Bores being the exact kind of e-begging asshole he derided before. http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2015/03/ig-videos-week-of-march-16th-2015-toy.html