Wednesday, April 29, 2015

A Pompous Pleb Plays Punch-Out Poorly.

Time for another week. What madness-inducing stupidity will Bores bring this time?

Monday’s video is a Punch-Out Let’s Play. That was fast, after the last two Let’s Plays I thought it would at least be another week.
Wait, Part 1? Oooooooh nooooo…

- Another style change? He’s now sitting in front of his green screen with the game’s title screen behind him. That seems unnecessary.
He mentions the two versions,  goes over why the Mr. Dream one exists, claims he didn’t bring it up because it would “break the flow”. Right, Mr. Family Guy Cutaway knows exactly about flow. In the same video that had a montage that ran for nearly two minutes.

- So another aspect of this style change is to forgo “face cam” entirely and just have his upper body take up half the screen. I’m now reminded of a few terrible Twitch streamers that would have their face cam take up most of the screen while the game is in the corner. Usually from “titty streams”. How did he think this was a good idea?

- Blah blah blah iconic popular blah blah blah
Hold up! At around 1:38 he lifts his right hand up while Little Mac throws a punch. Is… he talking over pre-recorded footage while pretending to play? That’s not how post-commentary works Bores.

- Lot of pointless stuff… most of it is repeating what he said in the review.

- He believes part of the appeal of the game was the “iconic characters”. Instead of the more reasonable appeal of great controls and gameplay but what do I know game design?

- He mentions the Arcade version. “I don’t know which came first”. God damn it… The Arcade version came first! Came out in 1983 in Japan and the following year everywhere else. The first NES version came out in 1987.
“I don’t think they had all the same fighters”. They didn’t. The Arcade version had Piston Hurricane (who is different from Piston Honda), Kid Quick, and what’s probably the most stereotypical Punch-Out character, Pizza Pasta (makes Mario look downright subtle).

- Brings up his mispronunciation of Von Kaiser. “It’s one of those to-mayto to-mahto things” NO IT’S NOT! Kaiser has a very specific pronunciation! Don’t be stupid! In fact, I remember he got Ninja Gaiden wrong before, in his E3 videos. Then he got it right afterwards.

- Man… he is terrible at this game. Von Kaiser has a really obvious tell and he somehow gets hit.

- He skips ahead… *sighs*

- Still sucks against Piston Honda

- Skips ahead again to show Mac and Louis training to the password. Notice that he’s in the middle of the Piston Honda fight then it cuts to that. Making it pretty obvious that he’s not actually playing and this is pre-recorded. There’s nothing wrong with post-commentary Let’s Plays, many of the great Something Awful LPs use that. But they don’t pretend that they’re playing the game at the same time.

- He somehow has to clarify that there is no McDonalds in the game. No duh. Then again… his fans really are that stupid.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Next.

Wednesday’s video is Part 2 of the Punch-Out LP.
Thankfully this seems to be the last one as the description says “second half”. You’re probably wondering why he couldn’t just make one video instead of two. … Milking for views. It’s the DSP way!

- Onto the Major Circuit and Don Flamenco. He also mentions how he got his name wrong too.
“I don’t even know the correct pronunciation” Wow… you’re dumb. It’s flippin’ obvious. It’s not even a hard word. Surely you know what a Flamenco dance is right? Are you that deep in your bubble?
Again, he claims that’s how he said it as a kid. Well guess what, it was wrong. We were all dumb as kids, but we grow up. I used to call Spider-Man “Bitsy-Boo”, but I stopped because I learned. I don’t get something wrong and try to claim “well that’s how I used to say it so shut up”

- He claims Punch-Out is the “perfect game” to review. … It’s not a bad game Chris, how the fuck is it “perfect”?
“It’s a rare thing to find” No it isn’t. Are you high right now?
Oh… “scrap things together to nitpick”. So apparently, Chris can’t review games now unless it’s complete nitpicking. Maybe I’m the one who’s high because that sounds batshit insane!
Chris, is this really how you want to conduct yourself? Pointless nitpicking of great games? Why would anyone want to watch that? … Oh my god he really has become his parodies. I don’t think Third Rate Gamer could parody him now if ever came out of retirement.
At this point, nitpicking is probably all he can do as it’s clear he actually knows nothing about video games, and any attempt at serious analysis would be impossible for him.

- By the way, he gets knocked out by Don Flamenco… TWICE! Hooooow?
“I’m not playing that well because I’m talking to the camera” You’re not even playing. It’s so obvious that you’re not.
So he skips ahead… again…

- Oh goody, King Hippo. Can’t wait to hear more idiocy about how Captain N was amazing. Oh, another thing I should mention in these videos is that he keeps using the word “iconic” over and over again. Maybe he could get a job at Ubisoft considering how often they misuse that word. Oh wait they would probably see that one video, never mind.

- “Everyone I knew watched it” And it was shit. Notice how Bores neglects this. I imagine if he tried to rewatch it, he would realize his childhood was a lie, and he can’t have that. Then again his entire career is a lie so what do I know?

- Beats King Hippo… moves on to Great Tiger. At least he says it right, doesn’t add a pointless “The”
He mentions something about racing to knock him out. Says it can’t be done in the first round *looks at speed runs that do that* Right…

- Suddenly skips to Bald Bull. It was abrupt too, no warning.
Hold on! He gets hit, but he doesn’t lose health. That explains the abrupt cut, he probably went to get his Game Genie.
And he keeps getting hit and not losing health. Did anyone in the comments even notice?!

- Then he abruptly skips to the World Circuit and fighting Piston Honda Two. Only on the 3rd round. Why skip the first two?
“He was impossible... FOR ME” I love how abruptly he adds that. Because he knew people gave him shit.

- He pretty much stops here. Making no attempt to even pretend he’s still controlling the game. His hands are on camera and Mac is moving. How do his fans not notice this?!
He also claims he‘s done because after Piston Honda Two he has “no real memories from childhood of the other fighters” Well, then you could have used this an excuse to actually beat the game once and for all. Don’t be lazy.

- Oh wait, it’s not completely over. He brings up the password to fight Tyson directly.

- “This is only my third Let’s Play and I’m still learning so I could use some more tips” Here’s a tip, STOP. You’re not cut out for it. You’re not good at the games you showcase, and you’re immensely boring. I feel the latter is the greater sin. Boring boring boring….
“I always like the feedback” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sure Mr. “I pose as my own mom to deflect criticism”. Sure.

I imagine Friday will be a “big” video so I’ll be covering that on Saturday. If it’s something stupid like “Sprite Fun” again, I’ll just edit this recap to mention that.

56 comments:

  1. I can only imagine what will happen Friday, since I'm going to be at Ultron opening day . It could be anything from an incompetent review of the picture to more of his masturbatory 80s or Skylanders videos . Maybe it'll be a kickoff of movie-related games, but I don't care. Dan, I'll be seeing you after Ultron.

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  2. Speaking of LadyBuggin, she's having a big flame war with this one guy in the comments section on the first part of the LP. One of the things she said is that James copied off of PewDiePie by doing LP's. Then how the fuck is Bores not a copycat for posting LP's right the fuck out of nowhere too? In fact, Bores has posted (or at least started) all his LP's on Mondays. I forget, when do James and Mike Post LP's?

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    1. As the battle rages on, Bores is making himself look more and more hypocritical. My God, he needs serious help.

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    2. Like how Chris-Chan needs mental help after the whole GameStop/Sonic Boom incident last year?

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    3. Man what is it with people named Chris online?

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    4. PFFT. "She" DOES realize slowbeef is largely credited for the first video Let's Play, right?

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  3. I don't respect both AVGN and Irate Gamer, each for their own motives.

    I don't respect AVGN because he's the tipical retro gamer who can't accept things like cutscenes and visual novels, siting and playing the game my ass, a get's boring when theres no story to follow, it's about time he accepted that cutscenes are important for gaming and that just because VNs have no action doesn't mean that it's bad, it's just diferent.

    As for Chris Bores, well, it's quite obvious why everybody hates him.

    I got a game blog: http://thedevtamabyss.blogspot.com.br/

    And a youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_8VoEuroVHCxoUmPGDuXxQ

    I am 1 years old and i am brazilian, no, i am not one of those poser kids who play Mine Craft and Shooters and didn't even play Persona in their lifes, i play platformers, VNs, JRPGs and simulation games, there are other kinds of games that i like of corse.

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    1. 13 years old, sorry abou that error.

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    2. Is that really the only reason you dislike James? That seems kind of ridiculous, especially when he has never expressed disdain for cutscenes or described them in the way you said he thinks about them. He did say in his 3DO review that some of the games that play like movies actually look good. Besides, Gameplay is the number 1 priority for a video game.

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    3. I kinda agree about the whole disliking cutscenes, though I think Mike is more guilty of it than James, a part makes me wonder what they would if they play either Bayonetta game for during let's play seeing as both are kinda cutscene heavy for the first hour or so. But yes gameplay is still the most thing in any game but story as been pretty important ever since RPGs included them. However speaking of James and Mike's Let's play video I say their biggest problem is acting like it's taboo to look for help online,how is it any different than using Nintendo Power or any other magazine that helps people with games, if you get stuck in a game look online to figure out what you're doing wrong. Also I don't know how often they brought it up but why do hate emulators, they do know the Wii,Wii U and 3DS are emulators when it comes to virtual console so if they badmouth emulators than their kinda pissing off anyone who uses virtual console or downloads PS1 and PS2 games on PS3.

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    4. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    5. Eh I unno. On those grounds it's okay to have a lesser to no respect for AVGN, but I don't think he meant outright hatred. I mean, AVGN has his reasons at least.

      I'd say the same for Chris, if he had any sort of thing redeeming about him.

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    6. I'm sorry i didn't make myself clear, when James a Mike played Sonic 2006 they did something that i ABSOLUTELY hate, skipped the first cutscene, even tough the game's story is horrible, they sholdn't have done that, if you don't know the story, how will you fully review a game? You have to talk about all the points.

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    7. Why that Mikay coment was removed?????

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    8. Apparently some hooligans. More news downwards later. I've already asked about it.

      Also, still quite valid. Although it should be known this was not a true review, it was just James and Mike dicking around with the game of the week.

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    9. I found it strange ince i came back now and was checkisng the replies.

      Also, i don't like James"s reviews of new games, seen's like he doesn't know what he's talkig about.

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    10. Actually I would say the worst example of James and Mike skipping cutscenes would have to be their let's play of Shadow of Empire where they kept calling the swoop bike level a race even though the cutscene makes it pretty obvious you're suppose to take out the swoop bike gang. I not joking here but I almost scream out during that let's play "It's not a race you fucking idiots learn to read!" it was probably the angriest I every was watching a video recently. I mean sure the game doesn't tell how to play the level but if you know you're suppose to destroy the other riders it does put you in a different mind set at least it did for me when I was 10.

      I said it seem that James and Mike hate emulators because 1. their attitude in their Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde let's play where they pretty much insulting anyone using emulators because of save states, really I rematch that one recently and it does come off as pretty insulting,I though so anyway. and 2. they seem to ignore the fact Rondo of Blood can be downloaded on the Wii, in the description and video they say Rondo of Blood wasn't released outside of Japan, but it was, a quick search online is all you would need to know this. I can prove it because I downloaded it. Maybe I'm misinterpreting this things wrong but to me it came off as hatred to emulators.
      Also nikay's comment was just a baseless rumor about Chris he was trying to conform, I imagine BatDan deleted it as not to start anything.

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    11. So that's Nikay's thing... I think it was something about Chris being a pedophile and since i am 13 years old...

      BTW, Yeah, it seens to me that Chris hates emulators for stupid reasons, me in the other hand, love then, if it wasn't foe epsxe, i wold never been able to play P2 EP, Legend Of Mana and Klonoa Door to Phantomile.

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    12. Just wanna step in regarding emulators. While I can understand one doesn't like them but for me they're a godsend. There are numerous games out there that never made it to Europe so the best way to play some of these games is on an emulator and I often hate taking this route but if they didn't release it over here, then what else can I do to play it? An example is Xenogears which despite having a re-release on PSN didn't come over to Europe. Additionally, I find emulators most convenient to record game footage instead of going through the hassle with any devices for the TV and transfer over to the computer.

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    13. Yeah, emulators are a great way to play games that you never got to play the first time around.

      Also, I have similar gripes with the James & Mike Mondays videos:

      1.In the Jaguar CD video, since James and Mike didn't know what to do on the Highlander game, it's obvious that they didn't bother to read the instruction manual. This was before tutorial missions were invented.

      What they didn't know is that you gotta get the sword first before trying to take on Kortan's goons. Also, Quentin can do a sweep kick.

      2.In Golden Axe 2, the two automatically call it a bad game just because a glitch in their copy sent them back to the title screen. However, if you make it to the end of Stage 5 on Easy mode, then you have to beat it on Normal.

      3.In the Aquaman Gamecube LP, James kept talking about Jim Carrey's portrayal of The Riddler, which means he never watched the 1992 Batman cartoon, or even checked out Arkham City, where its Riddler was pure evil! Also, James and Mike both automatically think Aquaman sucks, just like all the poeple who were brainwashed by SuperFriends into believing this.

      4.The two really shit on Ivan "Ironman" Stewart's Super Off-Road, which is one of my fave NES games, and defended by Pat the NES Punk.

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    14. Did they say Aquaman sucks? I honestly don't remember if they did or not Though I hate it when anyone calls any superhero useless or says they sucks because really it's not the hero's fault it's the writer's. As far as I'm concerned there is no such thing as a bad superhero, and this comes from someone who doesn't know a huge lot about superheroes.

      Not picking up the sword in the Highlander game is exactly what I meant by refusing to look stuff up rather it's online or in the manual. If you're stuck and need help don't act all high and mighty, it's better to know if you're doing something wrong than act like the game is bad or broken. One example I can use for myself was years ago when I played Max Payne, when you're in the dock levels(I forget the chapter) you have to shoot at a wooden wedge(?) at one of the tries to cause a truck to knock down a bridge. I never saw that wedge, I restarted the game 3 times thinking I had to be super fast to do it. Good thing I looked it up online or I never would have beaten the first Max Payne game. I know it's not exactly the same thing but still.

      Speaking of Golden Axe 2 I highly recommended an older 360/PS3 game called Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection. It had 40 Genesis games and 11 extra games made up Master System and Sega Arcade games. Probably the best thing to come out in recent years with Sonic's name on it, yeah I know that's mean but seriously it was a great value.

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    15. I'm answereing all at once.

      I don't know anything about Super Heroes sooooo...

      And about help online, i always check the bosses stats at persona games in this wiki: http://megamitensei.wikia.com/wiki/Forum:Timeline

      What's the real problem?

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    16. I have a bit of a different take on J&M Mondays: while the critiques mentioned above are certainly valid and their respective holders have every right to them, those faults mentioned don't bother me. James and Mike are about my age, and for me the appeal of J&M Mondays is that it's two guys sitting on a couch, shooting the shit, and experiencing a game either for the first time or after having not played it in a long time. That's the kind of thing I did all the time when I was a kid with friends, as I imagine they did too. Call it nostalgia, I just find it easy to identify with. It's also why I don't really care that they get stuff wrong or don't do the kinds of things you'd expect in a proper LP: they're not meant to be LPs (unless I'm really misunderstanding something).

      It's also the same reason why I came to the main series AVGN videos in the first place and then stuck around: through the AVGN character, James expresses the same things I was thinking when I was 9 or 10 and playing poorly designed and endlessly frustrating games like Ghostbusters or Dick Tracy or whatever. The difference is, of course, is that I couldn't articulate those feelings other than childish rage quits, and AVGN uses humor (which is far from perfect and falls flat sometimes) to reinterpret those 9- and 10-year old frustrations in a (usually) funny and relatable way. For me, anyway.

      I've never particularly understood some of the criticism leveled against the AVGN or James Rolfe, as for me I've seen him more as an entertainer than a reviewer. But I do think that's an age-related thing. That's not a critique of younger viewers who do experience him as a reviewer; I just think that if you're closer in age to him you share his perspective on games more in a "oh yeah, I remember that bullshit password system" (or whatever) kind of way.

      Oh, and I know this is deader than disco at this point, but just to address the "e-begging" thing (as it still periodically comes up): no one was forced to donate, James didn't withhold output unless a certain number of people or a certain amount was reached (he did slow it down, but that was because, you know, he was making a movie), and, whether you enjoyed the finished product or not, was in proportion to the amount of money received (i.e. a feature-length movie). So again, criticism that I don't really understand. Sure, there was the Cheetahmen 2 thing, but James and Pat were on the receiving end of the con as much as anyone else. In my understanding, anyway.

      tl;dr: I like AVGN, but at the end of the day we're talking about videos on the internet about video games and it's not a problem if we disagree on certain aspects.

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    17. On the cutsceen thing I most of the time look up the story so if I can skip the story I will

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  4. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  5. There were comments about Bald Bull, but as you might've guessed they were deleted.

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    1. That's why everyone in the comments section either sounds mentally unsound, brainwashed, or like they have a gun put to their head.

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    2. Hey, those are Irate Gamer fans for you. No normal person could possibly like that guy.

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    3. It's also just sad that he can't play and beat a game without using game genies or emulators.

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  6. Hey BatDan, why don't you make a game blog to make reviews?

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    1. Because there are already enough reviewers out there.

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    2. actually I think BatDan said he do reviews once but stop for some reason, I think he said this once in the comment section of an older post.

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    3. I wanted to see a Persona review...

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    4. I know BatDan said in the past that he may consider making reviews on Youtube -- unless I'm mistaken. If he did that, I would probably watch him, as I'm a big fan of his IGS posts.

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    5. Id like to read reviews in a blog.

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  7. Well, I have officially seen everything.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQ-JgRJDadE&index=4&list=WL

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  8. I know Bores is the worst when it comes to videos, but this video comes close to being as uninformative as possible. You can tell they know too little to be talking about what they're talking about.

    http://www.wired.com/2015/05/split-screen-mortal-kombat/

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  9. The Friday video is up. It's a late review of Super Smash Bros for Wii U (hey, a rhyme!)
    https://youtube.com/watch?v=xypbgB7HbD0

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    1. I watched it...and it was SO FUCKING BORING!!! How the fuck do people find him legit? Why do they want a half-assed first impressions video (even though it's not really FIRST impressions) of a game that has been out for 5 MONTHS now?

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    2. What's up with pointing the camera at the TV? Was he too lazy to directly capture footage? He also sounds very bored. I am not even sure he likes Smash Bros.

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    3. It might've been an attempt to avoid content ID.

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    4. No, he really is just that stupid.

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    5. It's not about Content ID
      He said in the Mario Party 10 review that direct capture was "too hard". Meaning he's lazy.

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    6. Oh yeah, I mean he really is just that stupid and lazy. Thanks for reminding me BatDan. You gonna try and post the blog tonight, or will you just wait until tomorrow to post it?

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    7. This was definitely worse than his Brawl review. He spent most of the time gushing about the Smash mode of the game while merely glossing over some of the new solo and co-op modes.
      I also doubt a script was written for this video. He mentions multiple times how cool it is to have Mega Man and Pac-Man in the game, as well as his "favorite" character, Mr. Game & Watch. He also loves the Amiibo compatibility.
      He continues to mention, at least twice, how it's a great game to play with friends. Even going so far as to say that you won't enjoy playing the game by yourself, as well as, like his Mario Party 10 review, how "all Wii U games are about the group experience".
      And that's basically it. Really boring and adding nothing new to a game that's been out for 5-6 months.

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    8. Also, I saw a comment from Bores where he mentions he got Mewtwo because he claims to be a completionist. That's funny, seeing as how he missed talking about so much in this video.
      Let's discuss what he failed to mention:
      * The Gamecube controller adapter
      * The differences between the 3DS version
      * The new Master Core boss in Classic Mode
      * The multiple challenges
      * The Stage Builder, Replay, Snapshots, Sounds, and Masterpieces modes
      * Custom characters
      * The Nintendo Network online features (just like in his Brawl review).

      And more, I assume. These are just what I noticed.

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    9. If you wanna piss off Buggin even more, comment on the video saying just who said that Game & Watch was their favorite character before him.

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  10. I was laughing my ass off so hard at that "Great Tiger can't be beaten in the first round" line considering I literally did it 35 minutes ago.

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    1. It's possible to TKO him without even getting to his special moves if you play the game well enough.

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  11. I expect the new video to be a Boring Brawl times 100. For now, I shall continue geeking out over Ultron, which was incredible.

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