Friday, May 22, 2015

At Least This Week Was Easy

And so begins the first week of Chris’ second new schedule. Monday & Wednesday are no more, having been replaced with Tuesday. At least it makes it easier on me.

Tuesday’s video is a recording of a convention panel. The Walking Dead panel at the MotorCity ComicCon in Detroit Michigan.
I didn’t bother to watch. I don’t care for The Walking Dead so I had even less interest in seeing this. At this point, all The Walking Dead reminds me of is Norman Reedus and Silent Hills and how Kojima and del Toro got screwed over and we could have had an awesome game but Konami fucked it up because they are run by batshit insane monkeys! Konami needs to burn.

Apparently even Chris’ fans didn’t care for the video as it has WAY less views than usual. Under 2000 at the time of this posting. I’ve been told that in order for a YouTube user to have “good views”, they must average out 10% of their subscriber count. At 152k subs, Chris must average out 15.2k views. Looking at the numbers, he doesn’t even come close. Maybe this is why he went from three videos to two, not because of his girlfriend’s kids, but the views weren’t worth the effort. The little he was putting in that is.

Anyway, Friday’s video.
It’s titled “First 5 Video Games I owned for the NES”. Sounds like Chris is doing another round of “I’m a gamer guys, really!”

First game is Super Mario Bros.
He claims he was the first kid on his block to have an NES. Uh huh.
He also claims he got it for the “first holiday season”. 1985? I call bullshit. Especially when he said in that old “thank you” video that he’s been playing for “20 years” and that was made in 2007. Then again, Chris clearly has no concept of time.
Also, I guess I should give an epilepsy warning as Chris is cutting a lot and is using a bright flash for each one.
During one of the cuts, something weird was in the corner. Glitch?

Second is Duck Hunt.
He claims he didn’t get the mixed cartridge that came with most NES bundles and had to get it separately. I am not buying a second of this.
Zzzzz

Third is Popeye.
Or rather “Pupeye” as he pronounces it. Yeah I’m going to the theater to see the Pupeye cartoons and I’ll get myself some Pupcorn and a Soda Pup. Later I’m going to eat a Puppy Seed Bagel.
“First Christmas” The NES Popeye port came out in 1986... So I guess the above statement was meant to be 1986 and not 85 or 87. I still don’t buy any of this.
Blah blah blah…
He mentions a “Witch” that he doesn’t recognize. That’s the Sea Hag. She was in the comic strip but never in the old theatrical cartoons. She first appeared in the 60’s TV cartoons. Found this looking on Wikipedia. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sea_Hag

Fourth is Ma-ha Rider. I mean Mach Rider. Man, Kamen Rider Mach ended up being so terrible… he started out so fun but became so poorly written. Sorry, back to the video.
“I hated this game” … What?
Claims he couldn’t get far, and he immediately returned it. No opinion on the game now that you’re an adult? No?

He returned it for the Fifth game, Ghosts n’ Goblins. Or “Ghost n Goblins”. Something about this game just brings out the worst in Chris’ grammar.
Blah blah blah it was hard hard hard he found the code to skip levels still hard blah HEY THAT’S THE KNIFE! The one he never mentioned in his review!
“You die a lot” Not an excuse to cheat with the Arcade version for your review Chris.

Boring video was boring. Didn’t buy a second of it.
At least this week was easy.

35 comments:

  1. Who feels the hype for Splatoon? Just pre-ordered the Wii U bundle with the game today.

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    1. So much hype. The test fire was an absolute blast.

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    2. There's another Testfire round tomorrow, from 3-4 PM PT. I agree though, I'm extremely hyped for the game after the last Testfire.

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  2. Is it just me or was there a hole in the Duck Hunt cartridge?

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    1. From what I can see, It's not a hole, it's a circle with the same color as Bores's greenscreen.

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  3. Bores says that Super Mario Bros was packed with the NES, just like in his SMB2 video. The Deluxe Set at launch came with Gyromite and Duck Hunt. The Sports set had the NES Satellite and Super Spike VBall/Nintendo World Cup. The Challenge set had SMB3. The basic set had no games. So if he got his NES for the first holiday season, it would have been the Deluxe set.

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  4. Or he just bought an NES bundled with games off of eBay in 2007.

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  5. Right? He's trying way too hard with this "Look, I'm a gamer!" thing and no one believes it.

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  6. Oh, and he says that kids loved to play Duck Hunt for hours on end. Duck Hunt actually got boring after about 5-10 minutes or so. Duck Hunt, like ROB, was a gimmick to make the NES appear like a toy rather than a video game as retailers didn't want to carry video games with the video game crash of 1983 was still fresh in their minds. (Which, BTW, Bores will never reach in HOVG at this rate.)

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  7. For a while, I've been considering trying to do some kind of biography on Chris's life. Does anyone know some good sources of information on Chris's life pre-IG?

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    1. In case you didn't know, he once tried to publish a fantasy series called The Dark Chapters. The old Geocities page he made to promote it has been preserved:

      http://reocities.com/Athens/Academy/3491/

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    2. Ah, that is some comedy gold right there.

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  8. I dispute Chris'es timeline. The first holiday season for the NES in America was New York City in '85. It was a few months later when it released in the rest of the country. I also doubt he got it bundled with SMB. My mom bought me the Deluxe set (in exchange for a LOT of work I had to do as well as pull in A grades) and it came with Gyromite and Duck Hunt. I don't recall if the cheaper set came with a game or not but I absolutely remember that I had to get into my allowance savings to buy SMB for my Deluxe set and my buddy went to KayBee Toys with me to buy SMB for his cheaper NES set at the same time. It took another year or 2 for SMB to be included with the NES. There was simply no way for Chris to have had an NES in its first holiday season AND for it to have been bundled with SMB.

    The Mach Rider

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  9. Whoops, the part about Mach Rider got chopped off.

    I was going to say that the Mach Rider > Ghost N Goblins thing is a littler weird but not impossible. Not saying it didn't happen but something about his uncle buying MR and Chris taking it back two hours later for Ghost N Goblins is a little odd but I can't put my finger on it.

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    1. Chris taking back a game his uncle gave him makes him look like an ungrateful little shit. There's lots of times when I was younger when my mom picked up random games for me and while some were bad I stuck with them and never complain. Like once when she got me War Gods, which for some reason came in a clear plastic package or Star Craft 64. A couple times she just got me a few random games like once she got 4 random PS1 games, which I think were Insect Riders, Colony Wars Vengeance, FFVII, and Jersey Devil. Another time it was The Thing and Run Like Hell..... I had a point here didn't I? Anyway yeah if the whole returning Mach Rider thing is true Chris must have been a real pain as a kid.

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    2. Maybe not so much now, but definitely back then, a store wouldn't take back an opened game just because "you didn't like it". Unless that game was malfunctioning, you were stuck with it. Caveat Emptor. Only if the game was unopened and you had the receipt would they take it back. It's funny how he exchanged it for Ghosts & Goblins, apparently. A game I'm sure he never got past the first level on.

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  10. Yeah, secondary riders seem to be Riku Sanjo's weak point. Accel, while not written as weirdly, got kind of bland after his arc in W. Drive feels a lot like it's a watered down W, which is a shame because I love W, and while not Wizard boring or Faiz intolerable, I find this to be kind of a weak installment overall

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    1. I feel it's improved after the secret got out (it was pointless to keep it a secret) and Chase became a good guy. But yeah the first half was pretty bland.

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    2. Except now we have a new secret being kept that, well, honestly seems dumb to keep...Oh well, Chase is still awesome so I'll roll with it

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  11. At least James backed his story up with home movie recordings.

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    1. James Rolfe has far more credibility than Bores will ever have.

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  12. "I’ve been told that in order for a YouTube user to have 'good views', they must average out 10% of their subscriber count."

    I'm gonna focus on this for a second. Has YouTube really gotten so bad that only a 10% turnout is considered a good thing? For a website full of people who use their sub count as the ultimate dick-measuring contest, they really show how little those numbers actually mean. It confirms what I've suspected for quite some time, in that a majority of subscribers to a popular channel (not choosing a specific one, just popular channels in general) only hit the "Subscribe" button as a temporary show of appreciation, but ultimately don't really care enough to be willing to sift through that channel's other content.

    I remember a while back on Retsupurae's podcast, where slowbeef mentions a theory he had about a channel's views-to-subscribers ratio and how that correlates with how popular a channel really is, and at the time it made a lot of sense. But if 10% is considered a 'good' turnout, then getting one's name out there really is all up to chance as opposed to hard work and dedication.

    The barrier to entry is low for YouTube e-fame, but even then that doesn't really matter outside of that enclosed bubble, does it? Go out in the street and ask a random person "Hey do you know who [popular YouTuber] is?" It'll be a while before someone says yes.

    And this is the climate that Chris Bores thinks he's doing well in.

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  13. Anyone else notice that Bores deleted his IG Season 4 documentary video? Way to fuck over the consumer, TMNT breakfast is ruined :(

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  14. Tuesday video's up. "Most anticipated 2015 Summer Movies."

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    1. Marvel movies are overrated. Enough said.

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    2. Minions: I have doubt. Despicable Me 2 was nowhere near as good as the first one, and Universal is milking the Minions cash cow to death.

      Jurassic World: Feels like another unnecessary extension to a classic franchise for a quick cash grab. Though I will admit, it actually does look like it will be good.

      San Andreas: It's a generic-looking military/action/disaster film starring Dwayne Johnson. What about it screams "critical acclaim?" Also, the reviews are out right now. It's shit. What a shock.

      Ted 2: Of course Bores would love a movie made by Seth MacFarlane, though it seems odd that he doesn't know his name, considering the fact that his humor is heavily based off of Family Guy's. Then again, knowing the pussy that Bores is, he's probably trying to make himself look original by pretending not to know as much about Seth MacFarlane as most people do.

      Ant-Man: I actually can't find much, if not anything, wrong with what Bores has to say about this one. Ant-Man looks like it will exceed expectations.

      Pixels: STOP TRYING TO CONVINCE US YOU'RE A FUCKING GAMER, BORES! YOU'RE NOT ONE AND YOU NEVER WILL BE! Also, Adam Sandler, so I can't really predict it will be good.

      Fantastic Four: Uh, yeah, no one is looking forward to the Fantastic Four reboot, Bores. Do you really just want to think that you defy the norm in a good way? Also, way to look racist.

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    3. And yes MacDragard, Marvel movies are severely overrated as Hell.

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    4. eh guess I'll give an opinion on these films,why not?

      Never saw any Despicable Me movie so no thought on Minions, though I thought Chris didn't like "kids" movie based on what he said about Wall-e
      Jurassic World, looks enjoyable and enjoyed the other films(yes even 3) so I'll see it
      San Andreas,don't know anything don't care
      Ted 2, eh I kinda looking forward to it and not at the same time. I never wanted to watch the first one but ended up anyway and was surprised, I liked a lot of the jokes and gags but hated the story, so yeah I could go either way with this
      Ant-Man, outside of the first Iron Man and Captain America I haven't seen any recent Marvel movies. I would say it's because I'm more of a DC guy but with Batman v Superman coming out I don't feel right saying I'm a fan. Yes let's watch a movie where Batman and Superman tried to kill each other,fun for everyone,ugh.
      Pixels, the moment you say Adam Sandler is involved in anything I lost all interest. Fun fact everyone I know gets pissed off when I say hate Adam Sandler movies, I can hate other movies(which is not very many because I usually find bad movies boring, not much reason to hate something boring) but I dare not hate Sandler movies
      Fantastic Four, I don't really care though I question why Johnny is black only because it raises several pointless question, if they really had to change the race of a member why not Reed or Ben, that wouldn't raise any pointless questions, other than the obvious.
      I should really point out I really don't care about most films in general, and I'm sure people will call me crazy but I don't care about episode VII either give me a new KOTOR and I'll be a lot happier.

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    5. Pixels to me looks like a lightweight Wreck-it Ralph . Minions probably won't be as good as Inside Out, but it should be fun. Jurassic World might be interesting, but given how bad JPIII was: good luck. Ant-Man will probably kill time for a while , and I do like the new Johnny Storm's response to the vitriol levelled against his casting. The real question is, can Trank do a biggie like the Four after Chronicle? I hope so.

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    6. Adam Sandler hasn't made a good movie since that one where he's an NFL quarterback in prison with Chris Rock and the prisoners play football against the guards.

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  15. Bores on his LadyBuggin777 account liked Silent robs video of him making fun of his Silver surfer review and commenting LadyBuggin777 2 days ago
    +Blaze The Movie Fan I think it's fricken hysterical .... Rob cracks me up! LMAO :D

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  16. Third is Popeye.
    Or rather “Pupeye” as he pronounces it. Yeah I’m going to the theater to see the Pupeye cartoons and I’ll get myself some Pupcorn and a Soda Pup. Later I’m going to eat a Puppy Seed Bagel.


    Popeye actually had a nephew named Pupeye. There was also Pipeye, Peepeye, and (I'm not kidding) Poopeye.

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    1. Ah Poopeye, he never really knew how much his parents didn't want him.

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  17. Um, the NES was only available in New York City in 1985. It went national the following year.

    Unless he was living in the NYC area, he's probably lying.

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