Friday, May 15, 2015

The Slow Trudge Through History Reaches An Obscure Sequel

Last week saw more stupid Skylanders, and Bores re-reviewing a game that didn’t need it in the first place. Apparently, “Linda” lost her mind when people pointed out that fact, and the fact he said “female girls”. Jeez Chris, just defend your dumb choices yourself, don’t use your mommy mask.
This week has quite a bit of stuff so this will be a long one.

Monday’s video was an update. Saying that the next History of Video Games will be out on “Wednesday or Thursday”. Spoiler alert, it came out Friday.
He also says that Summer is coming up and his girlfriend’s kids are out of school so there will likely be a new schedule of Tuesday and Friday. Yeah that three-days schedule didn’t last... I really hope he doesn’t include her kids in the videos, I don’t need extra levels of annoying.

Wednesday’s video was a review of a board game. Yep he’s doing that now.
I’m going to be honest, I barely watched it. I tried, but my god was it immensely boring. It also didn’t help that I don’t know anything about tabletop RPG games.
It’s a “review” of a 12 Realms by MAGE Factory. They (supposedly) sent him the game so he could promote their Kickstarter. Which he mentions in the description and video. Hold on Chris! What happened to “Kickstarter is only good for educational purposes”? I guess standards just go away once free shit is involved. Keep up that hypocrisy!
The only other thing I noticed in the bit I watched is the table he used was really wobbly and distracting. Did you get that table for five bucks at a garage sale?

My informant told me that other reviews of the game paint a pretty negative light. So it sounds like it’s not a good game either way.

We got a bonus Thursday video! Chris bragging that he managed to get the Marth and Ike amiibo from GameStop. He recorded the video in his car. I guess we can add “car videos” to the list of bandwagons he’s jumped on now. What next? He’ll finally figure out PC gaming and play Goat Simulator or Five Nights at Freddy’s?
You know, that annoys me. He has Marth and Ike, and I GUARANTEE that he has never touched a Fire Emblem game. Here I am, I don’t have either, but I bought Path of Radiance, I bought Radiant Dawn, I bought Awakening, hell I even bought Shadow Dragon and that game sucks! Nintendo, do a better job at restocking. Don’t send out two per store, then a few days later inform the public about it. Yeah, apparently these restocks went out earlier in the week, and Nintendo just informed their social media users today. That includes Meta Knight, and my local Best Buy didn’t even have a CLUE what I was talking about. Though I place THAT blame on Best Buy for being incompetent which is why they are dying! … What was I doing?

And now, we’ve got Friday’s video. After three months, History of Video Games Part 8 is out. It’s 7 minutes long and is only covering the Odyssey 2. Once again, he will never finish this.

No intro

0:04 - 0:58: Atari “lost” to Midway in the Arcades, Magnavox was working on the Odyssey 2.
IG lists what’s on the Odyssey 2. Blah blah blah… He notes the cartridges have handles, prompting him to… bite down on one and pick it up with his teeth. I’d say he better not repeat that same joke with the Gamecube, but by the time he reaches that he would need dentures.
“It even comes with an adapter box!” … Okay?
“Time to plug this in with style!” … How? He just plugs it in. What sense did that make? Was it supposed to be “Digital Style” then we do a Digital Dancing? This is not fun.
Then electricity comes from it. Well, fake electricity that he added.

0:59 - 1:18: His TV turns on and oh jeez he’s doing this crap again. It’s the HAL 9000. Granted, I figured he would be back since Bores is that uncreative.
Thankfully it’s short as IG “realizes” that the Odyssey is supposed to be on Channel 3 and he has his TV at Channel 4. With fake green text in the corner. He also claims the Odyssey 2 only works on Channel 3. Not true, both channels could work. It depends on where the signal is going.
By the way, his HAL impression has gotten worse.

1:19 - 2:03: He notes that the Odyssey 2 came with a free game that was actually three games in one. Speedway, Spin-Out, and Crypto-Logic. Though for some reason he pronounces the last one as “Cryptozoo-Logic”. Weird.
He starts on Speedway, explains the game (I swear he says “cars” like three times), gets run over a few times with fake sound effects and his terrible fake reactions. He gets tired of that and he puts on his “racing glasses” (they’re just sunglasses) and COMMENCE MONTAGE! We’re not even two minutes in! He speeds up the footage to make it look the game is going really fast while he himself is also going fast. He crashes and IG “flies” into the camera and falls over. Educational everyone!
Interesting to note though is that his Zelda poster doesn’t seem to be taped on the bottom as the wind from falling over causes it to fly up. Tsk tsk Chris, don’t you know that a secure poster is a happy poster?

2:04 - 2:30: Onto to Spin-Out, which he makes sure to mark on the cartridge with his patented Green Cir- er Rectangle of Obviousness. He briefly describes the game (it‘s another racing game), then we get a gag where he’s playing a turtle… I know that’s from a cartoon but I can’t tell which one.
EDIT: It's the turtle from Disney's Robin Hood. It's bad enough to reference that movie, but to reference such an obscure character from it? Who is that even trying to target? Thanks to you mariic2 for letting me know.

Then onto Crypto-Logic (again, pronouncing it wrong) and he claims it’s a “secret code” game and doesn’t quite understand how it works. I looked up the game and it’s like a combination of Jumble and Hangman. One player types up a secret code, and the second player has to solve it without making too many mistakes. Apparently Bores didn’t have a second player on hand to do this. Goody, more inaccurate information in this supposedly “educational” series.
He also adds some fake text saying “Access Denied” and “You Idiot”. Cut. That. Out. It’s not funny.

2:31 - 3:22: He moves onto the other launch titles. Starting out with a golf game.
He says it’s just as boring as the real thing, leading to a way too long segment where Kent Brockman (because fuck you I’m not using his actual name) and Ronnie commentate the game. Why?!
“Boy he’s going to be one irate golfer” Ugggggggh.
IG then implies the golf club looks like a dick. That’s nowhere close to his crotch, is your penis attached to your stomach Bores?

3:23 - 3:59: Next he plays “I’ve Got Your Number”, a bizarre looking math game. I looked up better gameplay footage and you need to fill in the question mark. So for the first part with “two circles = 2?”, one of the players has to grab the circle to fill in the question mark. Same with the sailboat one, one has to grab the sailboat.
He says they get more complex (not really, the one with the lines is 4 and the one with the triangles is 7). This leads to a gag where he makes an over-complicated problem. Bores, you should have researched how the game plays.

4:00 - 4:50: Next he looks at Quest for the Rings. He gets confused at the character selection screen. … Sounds like when DSP gets confused at difficulty settings. He tries to play but keeps dying (with fake “Game Over” text, stop with the fake text!). Thing is, Quest for the Rings actually came with a board game and was meant to be played with that. You can read a much more informative article about it here: http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/questfortherings/questfortherings.htm
He gives up and moves onto Keyboard Creations and sees that the “game” is just typing things on screen. Looking it up myself… yeah that’s pretty true. He wonders if people back then were really impressed. Leading to Bores dressed as… a hippie I guess? I don’t know, nothing about his outfit screams late 70’s.

4:51 - 5:36: He moves onto Armored Encounter. What about Sub Chase? I see that game on the cartridge as well.
It’s similar to Tank, leading him to say that many of the Odyssey 2 games are similar to Atari games.
“Blackjack” Yes, because we all know Atari created the game Blackjack. That’s just as flimsy as saying the AVGN is ripping off PewDiePie because he does Let’s Plays now.
“Speedway, Spin-Out” Aren’t those the first two Odyssey 2 games you showed us? How is that… never mind.
“Alien Invaders” Space Invaders isn’t an Atari game. You spent a chunk of the last video explaining that.
He goes over Alien Invaders, at least in how it differs from Space Invaders.
Killing all the aliens leads to restarting the game. “Not in my damn house” … Was that a reference to something? He just pulls out the cartridge afterwards…

The video ends with IG briefly mentioning other games “based on” popular games at the time. However, Magnavox couldn’t keep up and Atari “won”.

“In Part 9, Atari’s 1978 line-up” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? You’re dedicating an entire episode just to that?! WHY? That’s pointless! More and more he just proves to me that he is NEVER finishing this! Chris, give it up.

This was mostly boring. The gags were horrendous, did we really need that much time on your stupid newscaster character?
So much info was wrong too. He clearly didn’t bother to figure out the games or even do research. It’s like he just looks at Wikipedia and thinks that’s good enough for research. Despite his claim that “Wikipedia is inaccurate hur hur”.

But yeah, this is never getting done. Cut your losses Chris, it’s over.

70 comments:

  1. Surprised you didn't mention the turtle's shittily drawn arms and controller. Also, curse the guy who let those Amiibos get in Bores's hands.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Someone made an Irate Gamer Creepypasta

    Watch it:

    http://youtu.be/pEMHvzM6DvU


    Or read it:

    http://spinpasta.wikia.com/wiki/The_Irate_Gamer_Show

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At this point, I'm surprised nobody made an AVGN creepypasta. (if someone did, please correct me)

      Delete
    2. Someone did make an AVGN Creepypasta. It was originally posted on the original Creepypasta Wiki years ago, but it's not there anymore. It's preserved on Trollpasta, however.

      Delete
  3. I may not be the biggest Fire Emblem fan, but the Amiibo find is real bull. Two minutes is how long I lasted with this installment of Artistic License History on the drinking game . Now to wait months for the next one while I train for the ORAS Little Cup.

    ReplyDelete
  4. After seeing yet another DLC skin pack for Mortal Kombat that was not bundled with the DLC characters, I'm seriously considering just cancelling my pre-order and waiting for the GOTY edition to come out in Fall.

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  5. They are back!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9DGgQv1zXM&list=FLU-wglRl26ia8t-nxvPAvBg

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I already brought that up in the last post. :D

      And yes, it was a great episode. Worth waiting 7.5 months for compared to waiting 2.75 years between parts 5 and 6 of History of Video Games.

      Regarding Bores, looks like he's trying to rip off Board James, too, isn't he?

      Delete
  6. I don't know what's more annoying: Bores constantly gushing about Amiibo or him constantly gushing about Skylanders.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, since he's somehow getting his hands on rare ones, I'd say Amiibos.

      Delete
  7. So, GameStop is going to have demos of Splatoon tomorrow. Anyone going?

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  8. And here we have ANOTHER Kickstarter controversy.

    http://comicsalliance.com/archie-comics-cancels-kickstarter-campaign/

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  9. "Was it supposed to be “Digital Style” then we do a Digital Dancing? This is not fun."

    Nice reference to Don't Hug Me, I'm Scared 4. XD

    Also about the amiibo video Bores posted, I'm a little pissed off not because he has a Marth figure, but because he mocks the person who preordered that figure but because he never responded, Bores gets it instead. It's like he's acting high and mighty and saying "Luck is on my side, bitch."

    Fuck you Bores.

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  10. BTW, there's better overviews of the Odyssey 2 to check out:

    James and Mike Play/Mondays - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7r52gAs2N58

    Gamester81 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIcvsYX5nyQ (Who also brings up other interesting games like Conquest of the World, as well as the fact that there was little 3rd-party support for the console, and that it managed to put out 85 games and sell roughly two million units.)

    And there's TONS of fun videos related to the console that Mark and company from Classic Game Room have uploaded, too. (In fact, the first time I ever heard of the Odyssey 2 was from watching CGR back in 2008.)

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  11. "Was it supposed to be “Digital Style” then we do a Digital Dancing? This is not fun."

    In the words of Captain America, "I understood that reference."

    ReplyDelete
  12. The turtle is from Disney's Robin Hood.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But still, who the fuck would even remember that specific character, let alone that movie in general?

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    2. I think you have it backwards.

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    3. I don't think so. You'd be more likely to remember the Robin Hood movie and its main characters and plot rather than this one random turtle that's a minor character in the film

      Delete
  13. Here's an idea, Nintendo. You know how you mass-produce some Amiibo like Mario, Luigi, and Donkey Kong? WHY NOT DO THAT FOR ALL OF THE AMIIBO? Problem solved.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They're not exactly making much money when they don't even restock most Amiibos, though.

      Delete
    2. Think about it. The Mario, Luigi, Donkey Kong, etc. Amiibos are the most popular and they're the ones that most people are going to buy. Assuming each Amiibo costs the same to make, it would make sense from a business perspective to focus making the ones that are the most profitable. Sure, that may be difficult for collectors but it's good for Nintendo's business.

      Delete
  14. Bores finally blocked me on his mommy mask account. Good. Now I won't have to see "her" shit anymore.

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    Replies
    1. I'm surprised he hasn't blocked me under his "LadyBuggin" account.

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    2. I've had more flame wars with her than you.

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    3. "No one is posing as Chris' mom. I am his mom. Stop listening to idle gossip as you have no facts to back them up. Your relying on rumors started byt the IG sucks blog, whom jsut happens to hate everything and anything Chris stands for. And NO, Chris and I DO NOT have the same IP address and never did! End of story ~"

      Yet, Ladybuggin hasn't provided any concrete evidence that she is Irategamer's mother.

      Delete
    4. Why not just post a fucking video? That would shut everyone up. Oh wait, it would probably just be Chris in a wig against a green screen.

      Delete
  15. Retroware's VG Years got out of the Seventies in three episodes... Where's Boring Man at now?

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  16. His next video is only going to cover Atari's 1978 line up. We are all going to be dead by the time he reaches the NES. I think he wants to cover old systems as long as possible so his pre-teen fanbrats can't call him out on his Critical Research Failure.

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  17. John Stephenson, the long-time voice of Mr. Slate in the Flintstones franchise, among other work, passed away.

    http://yowpyowp.blogspot.com/2015/05/john-stephenson.html

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually, he died Friday, but still R.I.P.

      Delete
  18. I predict that by the time he finishes it, we will all be playing video games with brain implants.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I probably asked this 2 years ago, but I can't remember: when exactly did he start the "History of Video Games" series anyway? 2008? 2009? I know it's been going at least 5 years now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I just checked. The first one was Spacewar, uploaded on 5/8/2009.

      Delete
    2. Holy moly....6 years and he's only up to 1978.

      Delete
  20. I don't know if he's going to post a video today.
    My informant told me he posted that he's attending the MotorCity ComicCon in Detroit, and that ended yesterday.

    However, looking up the directions on Google Maps, the distance between Sandusky and Detroit is only a couple hours. So who knows.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He'll probably just upload a video of him taking a shit at 11:59 PM tonight.

      Delete
  21. Replies
    1. You'll notice he hasn't even updated his banner to reflect the changed schedule.

      Delete
    2. HA! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT ALL ALONG!!!

      I knew Boring Man couldn't keep his promise of "new videos every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday"...

      Delete
    3. I think that the schedule change was an experiment. He wanted to see if he could jumpstart his view count. As of this time, only 2-5% of his 150k subscribers watch the video which is horrible even by youtube standards.

      He probably thought putting rampant videos out would make them take notice. Since that didn't happen, he is slowing down again.

      Delete
    4. He changed the schedule on his channel now.

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    5. And he posted a video of the Walking Dead panel at Motor City Comic-Con. (Did any of us even know he watches that show?)

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  22. Is his audience even old enough to watch The Walking Dead?
    Not even going to bother as I don't care for the show.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My guess is that Bores probably doesn't ACTUALLY watch The Walking Dead, and instead went to the panel and recorded it because the show is popular and things that are popular = more views and more money.

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    2. My thoughts exactly. I don't care for the show either. If anyone cares to watch through the whole thing, can you point out if Bores asks a question to the panel?

      Delete
  23. LOL i found this AVGN reacting to bores behind the atari game over documentary, check it out https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3Z5MLNSefg

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    Replies
    1. Fake. Edited together from several AVGN episodes.

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    2. I really hope he realized that it was fake.

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    3. Of course it's fake, but still funny.

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    4. Now, we play the waiting game... for when Archfiend, Asalieri, and the rest of their brainwashed cult are going to take that video overly-seriously and bitch about it... :D

      Delete
  24. Someone actually brought up the Wave 4 video that Bores made last month on the Amiibo subreddit:
    http://www.reddit.com/r/amiibo/comments/36k2vl/i_think_irategamer_made_a_valid_point_on_supply/

    Let's just say shit got real.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shh, do you hear that? It's the sound of the effects of the "Opening Up" video dying.

      Delete
  25. In his Detroit Comic-Con video, he started out saying he was "asked" to go; by whom?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can't be GotGame. The Walking Dead has nothing to do with video games (unless you count those Telltale games that everyone gushes over, but even then, those are based off the comics, not the TV show). He probably said he was asked to go for the same reason he continues to pose as his own mother on the internet: creating the illusion that he has credibility.

      Delete
  26. Friday video's up. It's Chris talking about the first 5 NES games he ever owned. Or alternatively, Chris trying to prove for about the 4,863rd time that he really is a gamer.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8U9WyKuwLHE

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can understand people wanting to know what his top 5 NES games are, but who the fuck has ever cared what the first 5 games anyone has ever played were?

      Delete
    2. Also, I'm surprised his fans aren't angry about the lack of effort put into this Friday video.

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    3. You're so...irate.

      Tons of people have done their "first..." type of video.

      Video was lazy...and Pupeye? Who the fuck calls POP-eye Pupeye?

      Delete
    4. My point is that usually, people simply mention that a game is the first one they've ever played when they review it or talk mention it briefly (i.e. James's mention of Ghosts and Goblins being the first NES game he's ever played in his review of the game). No one makes LISTS of the first five games they've played, because people really only care what the first one someone has played is.

      Delete
  27. Just stumbled across this blog LOL can't you guys find a hobby or something positive, for gods sake just jerk off or something, or try making your own reviews and see how easy that is. If you don't like it DONT WATCH IT. I don't like this blog, so im just gonna tell you to stop, and never come back here again, and you have the free will to do the exact same thing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Irate Gamer said on Facebook that another YouTube gamer who committed suicide was going to Hell. He deserves this blog.

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    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    3. Haven't seen one of these in a while. Wonder if it'll reply.

      Delete
  28. Yo JohnChampSmith, I'm really happy for you and Ima let you finish, but Irate Gamer had one of the worst videos of all time. One of the worst videos of all time!

    ReplyDelete