Friday, December 18, 2015

Terrible Historian Encounters Terrible Controllers

So Star Wars was pretty awesome. I think it’s safe to say the franchise is back in top gear after the boring & lifeless prequels. I’d say “go see it”, but you probably already plan to.

Anyway, did Bores post anything? New History of Video Games… somehow he doesn’t know when to quit this.
At 7:38, it’s one of the longer episodes (though I don’t think it can be beaten by the original Odyssey videos, before the “remastering”) and once again only covers one thing. We’re going to be seniors by the time he gets to the Playstation 1.

The latest episode is about Mattel Electronics’ Intellivision.

I actually want to address the thumbnail. We see IG holding up the Intellivision and angrily biting the controller’s cord. Is this how you want to promote your alleged “serious educational documentary”? With an image of you biting things like an idiot? Nobody would want to watch a series like that. Where did you learn marketing?

There’s barely a description so let’s get to the video.

0:04 - 1:08: Brings up Atari, mentions lesser competition (APF-M1000, Odyssey 2, VC 4000, Apollo 2001, Bally Arcade), then brings up how Mattel’s Intellivision was the first real competition for Atari. How Mattel managed to get officially licensed sports games from the NFL, MLB, NBA, and this is just a list joke to end on “Rock-Em Sock-Em Robot Boxing”. First joke of the video and it’s laaaame.
Then another joke about the Intellivison having an officially licensed Chess game or something. Which turns out isn’t actually a joke, I just looked it up and there really is an officially licensed United States Chess Federation game for Intellivision. See, this is another problem with how Bores conducts himself, he’s always making shit up for the sake of “comedy” that when he delivers a genuine fact, it’s lost in the sludge. This is one of many reasons History of Video Games is a complete fucking failure.

1:09 - 1:41: He brings up how the Intellivision outperformed the 2600 with better graphics, more sounds, and more buttons. After listing these, it would cut to him going “WOW!” Nearly 9 years and he still can’t act worth a crap…
When he mentions the buttons, he says there’s “twelve thousand percent more buttons than Atari” Twelve thousand percent? That would mean there’s over 100 more buttons than Atari, no controller has that many buttons, not even Steel Battalion’s massive mech simulation. You should have just said “way more buttons than Atari”, and not come off like a fool.
He mentions the overlays for each, calling them “awesome”. Yeah, until you lose one.
But then he gets into the “negatives”, like how you put the games into the side of the console (not really a big deal), how the controllers are attached to the console (the only actual negative) and… misleading cover art. How is that an Intellivision problem? Likely just an excuse to bring up the dragon in Dragonfire looking different on the cover and in the game. It’s called using your imagination, something required for pretty much every game at the time.

1:42 - 3:19: He begins to look over the games, starting on Skiing. He tries to play but curses the controls, until he remembers to put the overlay in. Uh duh, now you see why the Intellivision wasn’t a success like the Atari was.
So he plays and he sucks, I’m not even sure if he’s doing bad on purpose, just really crap at it, or if the controls are just awful. Montage of him hitting stuff, ending on clearly fake text (remember, educational) telling him he killed his character.
“Great, I just Sonny Bono’d this game” … Chris, you’re not talented enough to take on dark comedy, it comes off completely wrong when you do it, even if it’s been nearly 18 years since Sonny Bono died.

Next is Space Hawk, which involves him getting killed a lot, and calling the titular Space Hawks “space seagulls” … Are you being stupid on purpose?
“I need a Space Alka-Seltzer” This game is giving you heart burn?

Moving onto Horse Racing. Oh no no no no no no! Do not do what I think you’re going to do! Thankfully, he doesn’t repeat the Steeple Chase gag. Instead he tries to place a bet, but can’t start the game because he doesn’t know what button to press and he doesn’t have the overlay. … So what was the point of this scene then? If you can’t even start the game, then you shouldn’t have included this scene. Or maybe you could have LOOKED IT UP! Educational!

3:20 - 3:57: Onto Sea Battle, and hoo boy do we get stupid here.
We cut to IG, Ronnie, and Not-Wilson on a green-screen ship, because that’s what this needed.
And we just see IG moving the cursor around with no idea what to do. It’s a strategy game Chris, maybe you should have looked up how this works. This is the second “review” in a row where barely even plays the game. You could have cut all this out, focused on games that are actually playable! But no, had to get Ronnie in there for some reason.
So when they get bored, IG says to take them to the closest nudie bar. Classy…

3:58 - 5:03: He moves onto Night Stalker, he suddenly starts whispering as he moves through the maze “silently“. Is he treating this like a stealth game? It’s really not, you have a gun.
He dies, and then the monsters from the game (and some other games) appear in his room and “attack” him, he pulls an invisible switch and turns out the lights.
Onto Dragonfire, which is nothing but a death montage. When he gets game over, he “destroys” it with his own dragon fire, as he somehow now has the ability to breathe fire. Who finds this funny? Apparently the people that also found his growling at the camera “funny”. *shudders*

5:04 - 6:27: Next is Star Strike, and we’re going to get stupid again. IG is back in that spaceship cockpit he used twice before (Spacewar in the first episode and Orbit in the seventh), references Star Wars with “the Force”, “Death Star” and… is that supposed to be Wise Sage? Or is just meant to be Obi-Wan Kenobi but played by Chris? Cause if that’s Wise Sage, it would mean Bores has replaced the final actor willing to work with him. If that’s the case, it finally happened. But as far as I can tell, that’s probably just meant to be Obi-Wan. Oh and IG calls him an “old coot”. Whatever…
Then we get a repeat of the “crashing and screaming” gag! This is the third time! Just because some of your critics found that funny the first time, doesn’t meant they’re going to find it funny again and again. It’s not even a high-pitched scream.
So, IG fails, gets a fake text game over, comments on his “favorite restaurant” or something, Obi-Wan/Wise Sage yells at him, and then wonders why they didn’t call the game “Defend Alderaan”. Oh for fu-, yes the game was inspired by Star Wars, it’s pretty obvious, but it’s not an officially licensed games, that’s how these things work, they couldn’t use the Star Wars name without permission. There would be a Star Wars game on Intellivision, but it’s the Empire Strikes Back game that’s also on the 2600 where you shoot at AT-AT walkers.
Also, Alderaan? Don’t you mean Yavin 4? That’s the location of the Rebel Base that the Empire is trying to destroy at the end of the movie. Alderaan was destroyed to demonstrate the power of the Death Star. No one could defend it. You seriously couldn’t look this up?

EDIT: So it turns out that it was supposed to be Wise Sage, but according to Chris, he couldn't get him because their schedules are so busy. Bullshit! He only had two scenes, you couldn't get him for a day for two scenes? Yeah, I think it's safe to say this is another bridge burned. Wow, you just can't stop can you Chris?

He moves onto Beauty & the Beast, a game involving a giant ape kidnapping a woman, and the player has to climb a building while jumping over barrels. Sounds familiar doesn’t it?
“Uhh, shouldn’t this game be called King Kong” … *headdesk* It’s a Donkey Kong clone! You reviewed that game THIS YEAR! How fucking dense are you?! And even if it was meant to be based on King Kong, then it’s likely they couldn’t get the rights. I mean, it was made by Imagic, a company that only lasted five years, there’s no way they could afford the rights to King Kong.
Anyway, he shows how you climb windows to get the top, leading to a stupid gag where Bores does it and is seen by a horrifying MS Paint pixel woman.
He acknowledges the barrels, and says there’s “something shady going on here”. But he doesn’t continue after that. *sighs* He finally notices but doesn’t confront it. Educational!

6:28 - 6:48: He moves onto Triple Action, but notices it’s a clone of Tank (well, it looks more like Combat to me). Then onto Reversi but see it’s “Checkers”. It’s not Checkers, it’s Othello, that game you compared Spot: The Video Game to (which itself was actually based on Ataxx). In fact, Reversi is the actual non-Mattel name for Othello. Funny how this is on a Mattel console.
Then Lock ‘N Chase, which is just a Pac-Man clone, which IG points out, leading to Ronnie appearing and saying “Pac-Who?” and IG to mention they’ll “get to him in a couple episodes”. Do you really think your audience is that stupid Chris, that they wouldn’t know who Pac-Man is? Is this directed to people that have NEVER played a video game in their life, or even heard of a video game? That would explain so much…

The video ends with him bringing up the copycats, how the Intellivision launched in 1979, and had slow sales, never outperforming the 2600. Claiming it was due to the lack of great games Atari had (well, that and the controller was shit). Oh and when he mentions Atari’s games, he shows the Arcade Space Invaders again, not the 2600 version. He really refuses to listen to criticism doesn’t he?
So what’s next? He doesn’t say, he just says the “golden age is upon us”.

Such a nothing episode. For all his screaming and boasting that this is educational, he barely said anything. He barely played the games. He could have done research on how to play but noooo research is for LOSERS.
Not the worst History, but par for the shit course.

Go see The Force Awakens, it’s much better than this and won’t kill your brain cells.

148 comments:

  1. A commenter told Bores he didn't cover certain Intellivision games- Burgertime, Diner, Thunder Castle, The AD&D games, Body Slam Wrestling, Astrosmash etc.

    Bores' response: "many of those come later on. I'll cover those in a later installment." We all know the sun will burn out before we get to the NES, but what is his plan (if he's even telling the truth)? Cover the golden age of arcade games for episode 11, and then go BACK FOR A SECOND INTELLIVISION EPISODE?

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  2. Ugh; this is why all of this Artistic License History of Video Games bullshit is my #4 moment on this year. When you-know-who covered this console; at least he understood there were good games on the system even if his primary focus is bad ones. I personally though the other videos in this series this year were worse; but it's still the same Family Guy skits poorly disguised as "edutainment." Dan, I will be going to Episode VII tonight; where I shall wash my hands of this nonsense as a fan of my favorite film franchise (I just got through marathoning the rest of the saga; I'm now binge-watching The Clone Wars Lost Missions on Netflix).

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  3. The world will implode before he touches N64/PS/etc

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    1. Forget that stuff. I'm anxiously awaiting the episode where he covers the Sega Genesis and tries to explain to people how it was made to compete with the Super Nintendo. THAT's going to be fun.

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  4. Can't wait for DoubleEdgedSword's take on this.

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    1. Thanks, but don't expect a strong one here. I'm still thinking through how I want to do this. Plus things are a little hectic now so I'm not sure when I can get around to it.

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  5. How far does Chris plan on going with History of Video games? Is there even a point where he intends to stop? I seriously think that he not only intends to make videos of every console that's ever existed, but of every console that's going to exist. It's not like video games in general will cease production anytime soon. In that case, this series WILL never be finished...because he never intends to finish it.

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    1. He once said the SNES will be covered around part 40. That should give you some idea of how long he plans to take this. I believe he has this fantasy that he is creating the most complate documentary on video game history.

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  6. I went to an advanced 7PM screening of the Force Awakens last night, BatDan. You speak truly.

    I wish Bores could do the same.....

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  7. I'm surprised no one has pointed out how fake the dragon in the game looks that Bores is comparing to the dragon on the box art. I'm convinced it's not even supposed to be on that screen of the game.

    Just got back from Force Awakens. It was probably one of the best, if not the best film of the year. And unlike the prequels, it is ridden of incomprehensible politics and unnatural dialogue. Also BatDan, I saw a major missed opportunity to refer to that one JonTron line when you mentioned the Star Wars Atari game. You know the one I'm talking about.

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    1. You could've called this game Bird vs. Camel And no one would've argued with you!

      - Jon Jafari

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  8. Triple Action doesn't just have a tank game, you know. It also has an airplane game and a driving game, hence the name "Triple Action". He didn't even cover the Intellivision Voice Synthesis Module.

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    1. "MATTEL ELECTRONICS PRESENTS: BEE SEVENTEEN BAAAAAUMEEEEEER!"

      But yeah. For a supposed history series, you'd think he'd mention that it was one of the first games to include voices. Seriously, this just proves one thing: He just doesn't care!
      -_-

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  9. Sheesh, it's been almost ten years and he STILL hasn't gotten to 1980 yet? Here's another great mystery: what Crisbo is thinking! Has he ever heard of such a thing as a deadline?!?

    And that thumbnail; I can't decide if that or his stock "pose" for his "reviews" or even that poop-eating grin on his update video (the one between Kung-fu and Castlevania) is the worst one!
    -_-

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    1. He started HOVG in 2009 so it's only been six years. That said, any half-decent filmmaker covering the history of video games would have been done long before now. At the rate Bores is going, we will all be dead by the time he gets to the NES.

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    2. Assuming he doesn't die first.

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  10. Hoo boy. HOVG Vol. 2 is now available on DVD. 13 bucks, or free if you buy his ghost book... and then somehow e-mail him on Facebook.

    http://theirategamer.com/history-of-video-games-2-pre-golden-age-now-on-sale/

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    1. That's just funny. A DVD with 5 episodes of a free Web series that barely ever cracks the 7 minute mark.

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    2. Contrast to AVGN Volume X, with the first 100 episodes on two dvd's. On blu-ray, no less.

      I imagine that even the 2nd disc has more material than Bores has had in all of his time making videos.

      Delete
  11. So it was supposed to be Wise Sage. Wise Sage and IG supposedly went to high school together...IG calls Wise Sage an old coot.

    MAKE SOME FUCKING SENSE!!

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    1. Also Wise Sage isn't old, he's supposed to be dead.....for God's sake.

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    2. That's weird. All I ever really pictured the Wise Sage being, was a one off Obi-Wan gag for his Contra trilogy review. Obviously that's not the fucking case.

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    3. You expect Chris "Plot Hole Central" Bores to make sense?
      o_o

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    4. If it's confirmed that Chris Bores has indeed burned the bridge with Eric Allen, it might good to bring Eric here to this blog. He could shed us some light on his history with Chris and why they fell out.

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  12. I remember back in November 2012, during his 300th video, Bores mentioned History of Video Games part 6 and how he was getting close to his favorite games like Dig Dug and Galaga (released in 1982 and 1981, respectively).
    Three years later and Bores still hasn't reached the 1980's, making me wonder if he'll ever talk about the aforementioned games, let alone Pac-Man (released 1980).
    At this sluggish rate, I don't see him ever reaching the Genesis/Mega Drive or SNES (I think we will be lucky if we ever see him cover the NES or Master System).
    I hope to see Star Wars: The Force Awakens soon, possibly next week before Christmas. For now, I'm going to continue enjoying Splatoon (the next Splatfest, Naughty vs. Nice, starts tonight and continues into tomorrow).

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  13. In regards to The Force Awakens, I'm going to see it tomorrow so I can't give a real opinion on it yet, but I would say give it a couple weeks for it to really sink in. I remember, for example, when Attack of the Clones came out, all the critics and people who went to see it on opening night were boasting how it was the best Star Wars movie since Empire Strikes Back. In reality though, it was merely just an improvement over Phantom Menace. I predict that Force Awakens will definitely be an improvement over the entire prequel trilogy. Is it just as good, maybe even better, than the movies from the original trilogy? I'll have to decide.

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    1. In my opinion, Attack of the Clones is the worst Star Wars period. Sure, Phantom Menace is bad, but it's so stupidly bad to a degree where it's enjoyable. Attack of the Clones is a bore-fest all throughout, and the romance is just cringeworthy. It's way harder to sit through Clones than it is to sit through Phantom Menace.

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    2. I didn't really care for The Clone Wars film; due to my preference of the Tartakovsky show and it essentially being a glorified backdoor pilot for the Filoni series; especially with better animated films like WALL-E and Kung Fu Panda being on display in summer 2008. At best, it was OK; and I'm glad the show itself got better with each passing season.

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    3. I was referring to Episode II: Attack of the Clones, not the animated Clone Wars film that was supposed to be a starter for the Clone Wars animated series on Cartoon Network.

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    4. I was aware of that, I personally thought the animated Filoni film was weaker than the live-action ones. The show itself took a while to get going (the second or third season is about where it found its footing); but the whole thing looked and felt like a made-for-TV movie that got a theatrical release for some reason.

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  14. So, who here liked Force Awakens, i tought it was pretty good, heck, cant belive the guy who ruined star trek actually revived Star wars.

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    1. Well, to be fair, he "ruined" Star Trek by basically making a couple Star Wars audition tapes.

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    2. Yes, I noticed that the alternate reality films seemed to be closer to Wars in style and tone than Trek; with their version of Kirk essentially being a clone of Han Solo in many respects and the action scenes being a lot showier.

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    3. I enjoyed Force Awakens. There are a few things that bother me but overall I found it to be much better than the lrequels. It really is close to the original films in spirit.

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  15. anyone ever thought chris bores was actually autistic?

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    1. It's been discussed here. It's a possibility, but I think a real autistic person would know more about video games and be better at them.

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    2. If he is, that's the least of his problems. Autism is no excuse for being a snake oil salesman.

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    3. @ Harrod

      I think we're forgetting about Chris Chan here. You saying he's good on gaming?

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    4. You've already asked that, Sane Bane.

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    5. You've already asked that, Sane Bane.

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  16. anyone ever thought chris bores was actually autistic?

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    Replies
    1. He does not speak for autistic people like me (though I'm partially autistic at best).

      Delete
    2. Yes, I think he has some form of it at least, something worse of what some of us may have here. And I've said the symptoms are clearly there in his videos when you watch him. You could argue that it's merely his ego and stupidity getting the better of him, but given how long this has been going, I'm leaning more towards the possibility that it's something beyond that.

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    3. I honestly don't think that Bores is mentally ill, or at least he's not autistic. Besides, if he is autistic/mentally ill, Bores would use it as an excuse for his shitty behavior.

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    4. @NeonYoshi

      C'mon, now you're just pulling my leg.

      Might I add Chris Bores' poor taste in fashion and physique, at least that's how it was when he first began the IG series?

      In his earliest videos, his clothes and haircut clearly resemble that of an eight-year-old boy. It made Cousin Joey look more mature than him.

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    5. Just because you look young and have a poor fashion sense doesn't equate autism. I know plenty of non-autistic people who fit that description, and several autistic people who don't.

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    6. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    7. It's not just his fashion sense. It's his awkward stilted acting, his habit to ostracize himself from everyone, his inability to learn new things and change his ways. I've said that before, but it all must add up to something.

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    8. "I know plenty of non-autistic people who fit that description, and several autistic people who don't."

      Examples? Not saying you're wrong, but just curious to know.

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    9. I went to a specialty school for people with mental and physical disorders. Bores is an interesting case, I don't think he has autism, but I can see why you and others do.

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    10. Whatever, man. You have your own different opinion, and that's fine. I won't try to win you over.

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  17. I just got back from Episode VII; and I only have one thing to say to those who plan to see it: stop worrying... it's amazing! I say, bring on Rogue One next year!

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  18. Gee, At this rate Chris will have finished this series by the time the inevitable Heat Death of the Universe rolls around.

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    1. At the very least, I'll probably be retired before he gets to the Super NES VS Genesis phase of the console wars.

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    2. Will he still say that the Genesis was made to compete with the Super Nintendo, or will he finally accept the truth?

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    3. Doubt it since he's still passing off the arcade version of Space Invaders as the 2600.

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  19. "So Star Wars was pretty awesome."

    Stopped reading after that. Star Wars now and has forever sucked. Even the new Star Wars movie is a complete ripoff of episode IV, which was itself a ripoff of various movies and serials.

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    1. I think you need to distinguish between "homage" and "rip off". The original trilogy was indeed inspired by the serials that Lucas watched as a kid, but the difference is that the original trilogy took those ideas and built them into something different. A rip off would imply that no effort was put into the production which, if the general testimony is considered, is not exactly true. Also, your testimony that the series sucks is an opinion. You are welcome to it, but don't state it as if it's fact.
      And while you are correct that the new movie is in part a retread of Episode 4, keep this in mind; this is what people wanted. No one was interested in another complicated plot line involving intergalactic politics; people wanted a more digestible experience, with characters we could relate, enemies we could loathe, and a straightforward story the audience could follow. Changing up the formula with the new movie would have been a huge risk; chances are good that the sequels will do more in the way of innovation. What was needed was encouragement that Star Wars could be good again.

      And finally, why would you decide to stop reading after that sentence? You know full well what the blog is about from it's title, but at the first conflicting opinion you read, you decide you've read enough? Odd.

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    2. James. He's trolling. Ignore him.

      Delete
  20. So I went to see The Force Awakens last night. Was it good? It was awesome! Was it better than the prequels? For sure! Does it live up to the greatness of the original trilogy? Not quite...

    SPOILERS AHEAD. DO NOT CONTINUE READING IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE MOVIE AND DO NOT WANT THE MOVIE SPOILED FOR YOU.

    The movie definitely offered a lot of great stuff. It delivered what we liked about the original Star Wars movies in the first place - X-Wing VS TIE fighter battles, stormtrooper shootouts, rebel assault against an ultimate imperial weapon, we got characters that we have not seen since Return of the Jedi, we have Chewbacca in an actual costume instead of being CG, and yes - they SIGNIFICANTLY cut back on the CG and had more puppets and human characters.

    With that said though, I'm ready to discuss the flaws of the movie.

    First off, much of the plot of this one was way too much like Star Wars: A New Hope. Just replace R2-D2 with BB8, stolen Death Star plans with a piece of a hologram map showing Luke Skywalker's hidden location, replace Princess Leia with Bo or whatever the pilot dude's name is, and of course replace Darth Vader with Kylo Ren. I also thought there was a lot of fanboyism in this movie, making a bunch of references to stuff from the original movies. That's okay if there's like one, might get away with two, but there were several in this movie - garbage chute, shield generator, "this is the droid we're looking for" - references you hear/see in movies parodying Star Wars, but to have them in the real thing is just unsettling.

    By far the worst thing is the villians SUCKED. This really pissed me off because we've been made to believe we were going to have these real badass new villains and actual competent and lethal stormtroopers. This was the case in the very first scene where they attack the village in the desert. This is nothing new to Star Wars. It started out with Boba Fett in Empire Strikes Back. He was marketed the shit out of to sell toys and merchandise, and while many still think he's a real badass villain, he didn't do much in Empire Strikes Back and was easily killed in Return of the Jedi. This was really bad in the prequel trilogy with Darth Maul, Jango Fett, and General Grievous. Let's take Captain Phasma for example. She was hyped up to be this badass stormtrooper chick character played by Gwendoline Christie, who's a major badass as Brienne of Tarth in Game of Thrones. She turned out to be a complete pushover. What a waste. What's worse is Kylo Ren. He started out as this major badass who could bend the force to his will and he was supposed to be a more powerful version of Darth Vader, but he turned out to be a whiny bitch boy who got beaten by a girl who just barely discovered she can use the force just moments ago. At least Darth Maul fought against highly-skilled jedi and managed to kill one of them. Most fans will hate him for killing Han Solo, but I think that's the least of his problems.

    A lot of the acting really sucked and the jokes were incredibly corny. Finn just annoyed me to no end, and the commander guy giving the speech to all the imperial troops was just way too over the top for his role.

    Ray was pretty hot, I will say that. Definitely hotter than Natalie Portman and even young Carrie Fischer. The heavy British accent annoys me though. I'm just glad she wasn't another character who starts out as a strong, independent woman only to later become the damsel in distress.

    The movie definitely is building up to something pretty big though, and I can't wait to see what that is in Episodes VIII and IX. We do need to have another installment where the bad guys win like in Empire Strikes Back and Revenge of the Sith. Also, if JJ Abrams does want to include fanboy nostalgia in the movie, I think they should bring Darth Vader back to life somehow.

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  21. Just saw THE FORCE AWAKENS. It is solid STAR WARS. It's not quite On the same tier as the Classic trilogy, but it's a million times better than the Prequels. Special effects took a backseat to the story, you actually give a damn about Finn and Rey's situations, versus those of Padme and Anakin.

    Some accused the movie of trying to remake A NEW HOPE, I saw it as an homage if anything.

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  22. I'm not gonna bother with force awakens, jar jar abrams would screw up cooking a boiled egg so he's the last guy I would ever have allowed to BE on a star wars set, let alone let him direct a movie!

    whatever about that, I came to see how this blog is faring. nowadays it seems (haven't watched a video in years but read a few comments) bores actually managed to build up a fanbase? did the avgn hate really make people flock to his videos? or did bores win a war of attrition simply by staying patient and keeping releasing his shitty videos?

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  23. "Ray was pretty hot, I will say that. Definitely hotter than Natalie Portman and even young Carrie Fischer. The heavy British accent annoys me though. I'm just glad she wasn't another character who starts out as a strong, independent woman only to later become the damsel in distress."

    the irony... it burns

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    1. And that's not even how you spell her name. It's "Rey."

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    2. y u reply that to me? I clearly was "" quoting somebody

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    3. I was trying to correct him, not you. I was just making his comment even less credible.

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  24. new video

    Xmas Video offering HOV

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    1. Yeah, a commercial for HOVG Vol. 2, AND a little thing called the "Standard Definition Collection," all the reviews he did before switching to HD. What coincidental timing with Cinemassacre's AVGN X! I mean, you could roll 1000 dice over and over for a year and not get a coincidence like that! The way their creative and business decisions so consistently match, It's as though the two men are psychically linked with Bores lagging behind a little bit.

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    2. He must still think his "Game on." line is still original and creative, because he pushed his Santa hat back like he's hot shit or something.

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    3. I wonder what the runtime of Vol. 2 is.

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    4. The runtime is approximately 35 to 36 minutes for the episodes. Probably less than half an hour for the special features.

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    5. lol and smh @ paying the asking price for 30 minutes of content.

      His prices are almost the same as "real" movies and/shows with 10x less the content.

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    6. Watch his body language when he says in ref. To the SD collection "I've been working on this for some time". It's hilarious. You'd think he'd be better at lying by now. It's not like he hasn't had years of experience.

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  25. If Bores is now the Wise Sage, then what makes the sage who passes the Sword of Inferno to Bores? There are now two sages played by Bores and both of them look alike!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't think about it! This type of writing is par for the course for Crisbo.

      Speaking of writing, didn't he say he took a creative writing course? Cause this doesn't seem creative, much less writing!
      -_-

      Delete
  26. ugh The Critic is going to review The Force Awakens next week using that clipless/skit format.

    Was funny for Pixels, terrible for Jurassic World, Mad Max.

    Guess he's running out of shit to review.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Remember when he wasn't doing NC videos of modern movies? Good times....

      Delete
    2. If he was going to do this, he should have done this AFTER December so he could focus on Christmas stuff.

      Delete
    3. It honestly wouldn't be that bad if they were actually of "bad" movies and the skits were funny, and if he and his crew could actually act.

      For the amount he likes to rag on Adam Sandler movies, Doug's acting/humor is sometimes no better or even worse.

      Delete
    4. Has he forgotten one of the rules he made?
      -_-

      Delete
    5. It only worked for Pixels; I dunno why Doug can't just wait for the films to be released before reviewing them, since Mad Max was reviewed not long before arriving on DVD.

      This sketch-heavy format is just crap. You don't have to review "the biggest film right now" only the week after it's released in theaters.

      Delete
    6. I cant believe i am gonna say this, but, Doug Walker sucks now as a reviewer, even since Neo NC started, he just basically couldn't get rid of the 2 actors he has from Demo Reel, and the skits are cringy at best, but what hits me the most, is that since 2012, the year when Fair Use dies with the advent of Content ID, Blip dying and all because of the Internet killing bills, he has ti-tooeing over copyright content.

      Cmon Doug, you clearly used to use ACTUAL music cues from the movies in Disneycember, but he stopped doing that, i couldnt even stand watching his Disneycember on Ghibli films because of the gay ass royalty free music.

      It's bad enough when people now do stupid filter fads like speed up tempo/audio pitch/ videos, or use shadow shades around the video and other stupid shit to get around the content ID, guess what, it doesnt work, it was bad when people do cameraphone videos, and this is just as bad, now his current disneycember are just shitty royalty free music, stills and trailer footage now, and actually, other reviewers are starting to bend over Content ID, and worse in the case of doug, he just takes the easy route.

      You know that JWplayer when you host your shit doesnt have those petty copyright restrictions right, heck, as clunky as their playback is, Zippcast still exists.

      It's all about taking the easy way out.

      And i think, it's the same shit with his skitreviews, it's like he knows that most people despise that element from Neo-NC so he has decided, fuck it, i would stop making Bum reviews (those gave me chuckles at times) and just now "reviews" who are nothing but an excuse to bring back Demo Reel in "Stealth Mode", when he made the 2nd one of these (the Pixels video) i called it, I FUCKING CALLED IT, he is gonna make this a thing to exploit now because why not.

      Heck if you remember, before this, he just started doing reviews of modern movies, some of them from barely a year old, WHY?,
      Heck he even did NCs on film that DID NOT NEED AN NC, LIKE JURASSIC PARK 1, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU MAKE A REVIEW ON THAT ONE!

      I am sorry, but Doug Walker has become such a fucking copyright puss-out, i really feel guilty for saying this because i among others defended him and the ex-TGWTG contributors when MrGaede was trying to run them over the ground back in 2011, and similar people like Hellsing920 and ArchFag followed him,And i wish not to EVER be associated with those fucktoys, but, yeah, Doug Walker stuff sucks now, heck he really seems to be hanging out off James Rolfe too much now.

      Delete
    7. And dont even get me started on the fiascos that happened at ChannelAwesome with Mike Machaud and Rob, SPECIALLY the Dan olson shit, which is what lead all the original TGWTG reviewers that actually injected some life to the site to leave, and some fo them turned out to be quite shitty people to being honest.

      Delete
    8. Best Quote EVER from the page that links to that teaser btw.

      @SpikeGal

      "But…isn’t he supposed to be reviewing BAD movies? From what I’ve been hearing this movie is fantastic!

      Besides, this is like the 4th time he’s doing this! It’s too much like Demo Reel! He’s the NOSTALGIA CRITIC!"

      Delete
    9. Pardon me for asking, but what exactly are these fiascos you talked about? Especially the one with Dan Olson.

      Delete
    10. And yes, Doug is being very stubborn with this "new style."

      Delete
    11. Kiki, maybe you should start a "Nostalgia Critic Sucks" blog similar to this one, so all this information can get its proper attention without contaminating the (at least equally) important work of criticizing Irate Gamer. Although I am not a moderator of this blog, I imagine that this blog's mission would get hopelessly muddled if it became about multiple, fallible creators of online content.

      Everyone who puts their work online opens themselves up to criticism, and they get the best criticism when the right envelope is inserted in the proper cubbyhole, so to speak.

      Basically, I'm pointing out that you could be the BatDan of the Nostalgia Critic! You obviously have the fire in your belly, and it's certainly not hard to start a blog... just type blogger dot com, if it hasn't changed since my day.

      Go make that difference.

      Delete
    12. Guys, please keep in mind that the purpose of this blog in the first place was to show that Chris Bores has way more problems than being an AVGN ripoff. It wasn't created because a reviewer did a few things wrong. Doug Walker hasn't done enough to warrant a blog similar to this one. Whether you like NC'S newer videos or not (I personally like a lot of his newer videos more than his older ones, but that's just me), it doesn't mean that he deserves a "NC Sucks" blog.

      Don't get me wrong, I'm not a fan of his idea to review movies before being released on DVD (I agree, can't he wait until at least next month to review The Force Awakens?), but that DOESN'T mean that ALL of his new stuff is bad. One bad review, or even a few bad reviews, doesn't automatically make everything else bad. I wish Doug Walker a lot of luck in the future.

      Delete
    13. Still on the subject of Doug, his "Christmas with the Kranks" review just rubbed me the wrong way! It's like he doesn't remember why he became popular in the first place.
      >.<

      Delete
    14. I personally prefer the classic reviews, but I believe that Doug always wanted to go this route and at first he didn't have the capability to. Now that he does, he's taking full advantage of it. It's obvious he has more fun doing these style of reviews and enjoys doing them more.

      Delete
    15. The way Allison Pregler and others were treated by Doug's staff (note he never seems to have the balls to do any of the dirty work himself) is reason enough for a NC Sucks blog. As is the ludicrous sums of donated money used to produce a lousy game show that nobody likes, over a year late and looking like it was thrown together for $100. Then there's all the other promised shows that never materialised.

      Besides which, while Bores has never been funny or had much talent, Doug was once an entertaining personality until his ego skyrocketed. One guy squandered his talent, the other never had any to squander in the first place.

      Delete
    16. So, essentially, the clipless/skit reviews to fans are like the Bat-Credit Card to the Nostalgia Critic.

      Delete
    17. Hey Hunter, screw the guy Boom Tendo for calling you out 'Why so mad bro?' and saying 'noise blocked.'

      Delete
    18. In the comments section of the Intellivision review, there's this guy named Boom Tendo. You were talking to him and I see he replied to you with "Why so mad bro?" and "Noise blocked". And Chris deleted your comments.

      Delete
    19. Chris has made it so that all my comments are invisible to the public. And I don't really remember that conversation.

      Delete
  27. So, Tuesday video is just promoting that junk DVD of his. Guess I'll see you all after Christmas; presumably when the worst moments of the year are tallied (Ghost Hunting 2.0 and Chris' failed attempts to salvage it are still on top with me).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In addition, attempting to profit off the death of Leonard Nemoy and the constant deluge of Skylanders

      Delete
    2. Yep; I was also less than pleased with Boring Man now brining that same level of incompetence to Amiibo as well; only those are characters I actually give a damn about (not helped by Chris gloating about the rarities based on games that he most likely never has and never will actually play).

      Delete
    3. And having haphazard schedules that he can't even follow due to incompetence.

      As well as those "tech reviews" of products given to him by 3rd-rate Chinese companies to make a quick buck...

      Delete
    4. I agree Andrew. That was my worst moment before the book came out; failing to stick to schedules HE set for HIMSELF; as well as the collective of reviews of worthless shit, ranging from Electric Soldier Porygon lights to a fucking backpack; all with a tenuous at best connection to video games.

      Delete
    5. maybe there should be two lists. One specifically for worst videos or video moments, and one for his other shit and ignorant comments.

      Delete
    6. or fuck, maybe just a 2015 timeline of all his worst moments.

      Delete
  28. Bores will probably have dentures by the time we get to the NES.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, we'll probably be retired before he finishes (or at least well into the lifespan of the NX or PS5).

      Delete
    2. He is probably gonna end up busting out his teeth sooner than you think, he will probably try to bite a 5200 controller and need at least a partial after.

      Delete
    3. I may very well have grandchildren by the time he gets to the Nintendo 64. It's a wonder he doesn't cut his losses now. Merry Christmas everyone.

      Delete
  29. I'm sure of a lot of you have figured it out. But one of the main reasons why Bores takes so long uploading his shit is because on top of his laziness, he has to do EVERYTHING himself. He's practically the whole crew and cast, which clearly proven by the fact that every character in his videos is played by him. And that's just low.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, I can tell you that having a team does not necessarily mean videos get produced more quickly. Scheduling can be a bitch.

      Chris and his haphazard schedule is primarily due to his poor work ethic. Witness James Rolfe who did Monster Madness, a series of Board James videos, the advent calendar of bad game box art series and still kept putting out monthly AVGN videos within the space of a few months. The ironic thing is that those videos have had far more work done in post production than Chris'es videos produced in the same time frame.

      Chris can talk about YouTube changing and his channel dwindling all he wants but he only has himself to blame.

      Delete
  30. holy fuck. he is releasing a dvd with 5 fucking episodes of his history of videogames. woweeee. its like he is a video game version of grindcore band, but puts out his short dvds instead of short 7" records or something. of course is no where near is brilliant Anal Cunt, the Meatshits or any other short song classick grind band

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i meant "of course HE (BORES) is nowhere near as brilliant as AxCx...." Looks like they took away my edit button priveleges.

      Delete
    2. also very funny that he said something like "thanks to people who STILL watch my videos" It was almost humble of him.

      Delete
  31. I just hope he doesn't do a parody of the commercial with the fag prince and mini unicorns pooping out on I've cream cones

    ReplyDelete
  32. A Merry Christmas, or Happy Holidays to everyone! :D

    And with that, just want to say that hopefully 2016 will be a really good year; 2015 especially in the last few months really sucked. The whole world just went crazy.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Merry Christmas to everyone!
    ^-^

    ReplyDelete
  34. Merry Christmas to all you commenters. And thank you for all you do, Batdan. Here's to a healthy 2016 for you.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Merry Christmas, everyone! :) And I've just watched The Force Awakens. It's AWESOME. And to everyone who hasn't watch it, WATCH IT NOW.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Went to see Force Awakens again today. It was definitely more enjoyable the 2nd time around.

    ReplyDelete
  37. BTW they could EASILY bring Darth Vader back if they wanted to. Anakin Skywalker might be dead, but anyone could wear the costume. What's stopping them from making another one? It'd be kind of like with The Shredder in the 2003 Ninja Turtles series.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There's many things they could do, but it doesn't mean it's a good idea.

      I hope to god Vader isn't in 8-9 in any form other than that crushed helmet/skull.

      Delete
    2. Reviving Vader is a stupid idea and it would undermine all the impact his death had in RETURN OF THE JEDI.

      Delete
    3. Vader is done being in Roman-numeraled movies, but he can be in any of the standalone movies set during his life, starting with Rogue One next year.

      Delete
  38. A late Merry Christmas to all you fine people.

    ReplyDelete
  39. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4FR4K4nqbc

    Merry Late Christmas

    ReplyDelete
  40. Soooo my informant told me that Bores recently tweeted that he got Pixels on Blu-Ray for Christmas. Saying that he's "one of the few that loved the movie"

    Yep! Chris is the Adam Sandler audience. Or it's more likely he was so blinded by "nostalgia" that he overlooked the movie's numerous flaws. Absolutely disgusting.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Honestly though, are we really surprised that Bores is a Happy Madison fan?

      Delete
    2. I can't say I am. I could honestly say it was a contender for his worst movie of 2015 before The Ridiculous 6 came out on Netflix. That is not only the worst movie of the year for me; it's a contender for one of the worst movies I've ever seen. It's clear Sandler doesn't give a shit anymore; so no wonder Boring Man identifies with him.

      Delete
    3. I bet Chris also enjoyed Grown Ups, Grown Ups 2, Paul Blart: Mall Cop, Master of Disguise, Jack and Jill (uuuugggghhhh), Blended, Bedtime Stories and I Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.

      Delete
    4. He probably thought the 2015 Fantastic Four remake directed by Josh Trank was good, too. The shit taste just keeps coming with Bores, doesn't it? :D

      Though out of all the movies mentioned, I'd say Bedtime Stories and Paul Blart: Mall Cop are the least bad of the bunch...

      Delete
    5. I do remember Bores saying that he though Fant4stic was going to suck in that one summer movies video he made, though he probably just picked a random movie to call bad so he looked even the least bit credible as a critic.

      Delete
  41. Pixels? On Bluray?

    Isn'the that a gift you give to some body you hate?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think anyone is that mean.
      ^-^

      Delete
  42. Shaolin Dave published his review of Ghost Hunting 2.0. Now I see why he wanted a physical copy. You will have to see for yourself.


    http://www.amazon.com/Ghost-Hunting-2-0-Breaking-Ground/product-reviews/151710212X/ref=cm_cr_dp_synop?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=0&sortBy=bySubmissionDateDescending#R3OV6EVFF78SE9

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually the physical copy wasn't important to me at all. I just wanted to be fair and actually read the book before reviewing it.

      Even the "free" kindle unlimited copy would have had royalties paid to Bores, so I opted to buy a used physical copy instead.

      The idea for the picture came while reading. I figured the book deserves the same respect that Bores gave to the E.T.

      Delete
    2. You even called him out on those fake reviews!

      Another reviewer even mentioned that there were even blank pages. Unless the chapter ended on the right page, that's just a complete failure. I'm starting to think that the creative writing course he took was just a lie from his part!
      -_-

      Delete
    3. Nice photo you posted Dave! That totally sums up the book. Should be disposed into the toilet. XD

      Delete
    4. I think those blank pages were following chapters ending on the right page. I can double-check when I get home.
      I've read some digital text books that kept these blank pages in, I assume because
      a) Amazon might require that both versions be identical, or
      b) To keep the two versions' page numbers consistent.
      So, I wouldn't criticize the blank pages, it's actually proper formatting.

      Delete
    5. Ah! Makes sense, I guess. I'm not a writer, so I don't know how this goes, but at least I acknowledge my faults UNLIKE a certain someone. But in all seriousness, I really think that creative writing story was a big, fat lie.
      -_-

      Delete
  43. So, I got a chance to play the new Battlefront when my brother went on vacation and let me use his Xbox One. While no Battlefront II; it is an overall fun shooter that's easy to pick up and play, but tough to truly master. Which means that not only did Chris get a whole lot wrong in his "review"; the way he spoke once again sent the message he barely played the game and probably stole footage of it (since it's not filming his TV instead of using capture devices like before). I also set a new record on the drinking game at the 0:53 mark. I'll probably play more of it while my brother is gone; but I can officially add it to my list of the worst moments of the year. Well, I'm going to go see Episode VII for the second time; I probably won't find out anything Chris is doing today till I get back.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Coming up to 7:30 PM on the East Coast. No new video.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Quello? What the hell kind of name is Quello?

    ReplyDelete
  46. Another Tuesday of nothing. This is now officially my second-worst moment of the year, behind Ghost Hunting 2.0 and Chris trying (and failing) to salvage it. Fitting, given how off-the-wall crazy this year turned out. Here's to 2016, folks (it will be the year of the Monkey, good luck for me since I was born then).

    ReplyDelete
  47. And tomorrow, we await the list of worst moments. :D

    ReplyDelete
  48. Looks like Chris is taking a cue from Board James, new video up - Board Game Review


    PS: The NC's clipless TFA review is up as well, and I thought it was pretty meh. Humor was pretty shitty...and reenforces that these skits aren't his strongest suite, despite that it seems like he wants to do them rather than the NC character.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think that the worst part about the skits/re-enacting of scenes is that they add nothing. Doug could have just done a normal Disneycember video of it and gotten all the points made in this video and more across in less than 5 minutes.

      Delete
    2. and he did do a Disneycember one, 2 of them.

      It's like he's pulling a Bores and doing this shit for views/clicks because he knows it'll get him the views over a normal video

      Delete