Saturday, December 31, 2016

IG's Top 8 Worst Moments of 2016

Wooof. 2016 was not a good year, and if you pay attention to the news then you should be familiar with why this year was a mess. Everyone, try to be brave, stay safe, live on and hope things will get better.

As per usual, it’s time to end the year with Chris’ worst moments. However, so little happened this year, a lot of samey stuff that wasn’t interesting. I could only think of 8 moments. Will 2017 have even less?
Possibly since most of his content has just outright died.

8: Why bother with the game? Look at the cool Lego!

IG Neo was the first of the shows to just die. There was literally only one episode of it this year. Lego Dimensions.
The majority of the review was Chris listing off the figures, and saying stupid shit like “The Portal 2 level made no sense and the music was stupid”. He never brought up the gameplay, never mentioning how it differs from the standard Lego games or how it actually uses the portal as part of the game.
It also became clear that Chris didn’t even bother to beat the game. Chris posted the review four months after the game came out and only beat four levels. Going by his PSN account, he still hasn’t bothered to play the rest. It’s not a hard game at all.
Much like Skylanders, Chris cares more for the collection aspect than the gameplay. Hell, he hasn’t even played Skylanders: Imaginators. Or he has but played it on Wii U where there’s no tracking so I don’t know for sure.

Shockingly, people liked it, claiming it was in-depth. Being long doesn’t mean it’s in-depth, he didn’t say anything.

7: Deleting everything won’t save you

For reasons only known to him, Chris deleted a large number of his videos. Not just the sell-out shill videos, but actual content. The majority of his Neo reviews are gone, a ton of his E3 videos, most of the movie reviews. What the hell Chris? Why delete so much? What are you trying to hide?
What’s weird is that there’s still some videos up but the title and  thumbnail changed to be about Pursuit of the Paranormal or Ghost Hunting 2.0. I just noticed this. For example, organize the video list by oldest, one thing you’ll notice is that the Sopranos video he made is gone (why?), but then keep scrolling and you’ll see a 3:46 Pursuit video that was posted 8 years ago. Wait what? Clicking it, and it’s part 1 of his Top 10 Summer Movies of 2008. There’s a lot more too of these too. Guitar Hero Van Halen, his 48 second review of the first Iron Man, some E3 videos, what is the purpose of changing these? Do you think all five of your ghost fans will look through your channel and fall for this click bait? That’s really desperate and stupid.

What is your endgame Chris? You make no sense.

To give you an idea of how bad the deletion is, only 12 videos from this year remain, and I see at least three getting deleted. The Lego Dimensions review mentioned above? Gone! What are your reasons?

6: All I can do is sell out!

Last year, Chris had been making videos where he showcased a product often unrelated to video games. It became clear these were nothing more than paid promotions. Now, a smart YouTube user would put these promotions as part of another video, usually the end. That way the viewer can click off if they don’t care for what they’re hocking.
Chris on the other hand makes single videos, or a long video where he compiles a bunch of shit together. This year he went to 11 and it hurt him hard. Making several tech showcases and looking at disgusting bloatware apps that promise gift cards if you download a bunch of crap and ruin your phone. Fans hated all the selling out, dislike bombing the videos. Chris did not care, he was getting paid, fuck the fans. Hmm, that seems like it’s going to be a theme.


Chris killed off most of his series, but started a new one and keeps it going because it’s lazy and he gets free stuff.
Box Wars, a show where he unboxes various swag services like Loot Crate. That’s it.
Early on he tried to “spice it up” with editing and wackiness, but eventually he didn’t even bother and now it’s just him showing the contents of 10 different boxes per video. It’s boring! But what do you expect from Chris Bores?
Like the above tech shilling, this is all paid promotion. Only where other channels will sign up for one or two services, Chris check marked ALL OF THEM. Oh and in case you didn’t realize, many of the items are COOL. Seriously, he says “cool” so much that it’s almost a verbal tic. As shown here:

I don’t get how anyone can find this series entertaining? Because you want to know what’s in the boxes? Most of them are rip-offs, you get crap. Invest your money in something else people.

4: This salty Facebook post

This kind of relates to the tech shilling and boxes.
Earlier this month, Chris posted this on his Facebook.

Woof, it’s almost like he channeled the spirit of DSP or Andrew Dobson. Critical salt levels!
I haven’t posted this yet as I wanted to include in a post about how Chris is making his money. Unfortunately the lead I had on it ran cold. But if what I‘m told is true, Chris won‘t do Patreon or services everyone else does and would rather sell video space to product creators so he can make tech “reviews” and Box Wars. Because that somehow makes more sense?
Chris, it’s clear you haven’t made real money on YouTube in years (at least not through IG). It’s also clear that people stopped watching you. You lost focus and instead of trying to make the channel grow or change, you gave up. Don’t cry about it, you’ll come off like DSP, who never shuts up about the views he gets (or doesn’t get).
And yeah, Chris’ views are abysmal. His latest (another shitty tech showcase) only has 13k views in two weeks. Wooooow. How the mighty have fallen indeed. Looks like Guru Larry was right to put you in his “forgotten YouTube gamers” list. You shouldn’t have pushed people away.

3: The final episode and you end with a tired NES joke

Only two regular Irate Gamer episodes were posted this year, the second one might be the finale. We’ll see.

I can’t imagine he planned to end the show here because it was awful.
The game he looked at was Duck Hunt. Now how do you make a 6 minute video on such a simple game? You shoot ducks, you shoot clay pigeons, and the dog laughs if you miss. That’s the whole game! But somehow Chris managed to pad it out. All so he could tell the same tired joke about how much of a dick the dog is. Something people have been making jokes about for YEARS! Hell, he already did that in his Jaws review where he killed the dog for “HUR HUR RANDOM”.
But nooo he has to make it a show. He has to chase the dog through a bunch of games with some of the worst green screen ever. How anyone says this sequence was good I don’t know. But he doesn’t just shoot the dog, no he has to go to the Pit in Mortal Kombat and upper-cut him into it for a Fatality because REFERENCES!

What a wet fart of a possible ending.

2: The complete cutting off of Irate Gamer

I mentioned above that the Duck Hunt episode might be his last one. The evidence piled up hard. The biggest being the channel going from Irate Gamer to CB Network, and the focus away from video games to ghosts and shilling. Basically, no content because ghosts aren’t real and shilling is empty.
He also stated on his site that Season 5 is the last one. Again, we’ll see.
Now why is this one the worst moments list? Surely this is a good thing?
I’m speaking for his fans, how he left them out to dry without giving a clue. Sure, he stated on Facebook that he retired, but when people in the YouTube comments point this out, they get deleted. Why he doesn’t want his YouTube audience to know I can’t say. Perhaps he’s hoping they stick around and not unsubscribe in droves? Toooo late, he’s been bleeding subs for a while.
At one point, he did throw around the idea of a Kickstarter to fund Season 6. I questioned this as his show is uber low budget and he already has the games (or he’ll likely just emulate them). But then he just said “screw it, I don’t care if you want to fund it, fuck the fans”.

Chris ended the Irate Gamer without any fanfare, he just let it quietly die. Leaving his fans to wonder “what are you doing?” Give them something Chris, something of substance, something worth sending your show out on. Perhaps you should have done that with the retarded Power Rangers episodes.

Maybe he hoped nostalgia would kick in? Next year it will be 10 years since he started the Irate Gamer. Thing is, I don’t think that will happen. I’ve heard far too many fan testimonies that they liked him when they were younger, forgot about him, then looked back with a more critical eye and realized “Why did I like this to begin with?” The 12 year olds just stopped coming, and went to other (better) content creators.

But for all I know, he’ll come back and pretend like he never left. Then again… he found something that managed to make him money with the least amount of effort possible.

1: New show, new audience, fuck the old fans

Soooo what has happened to Chris to completely and utterly (try to) stop the Irate Gamer? He found something lazier.
At the beginning of the year, Chris started a new channel for the “Marty and Muffin Show”, a puppet show where he “reviews” toys. Marty and Muffin were very quickly tossed aside when he realized he could exploit one of the most popular games in the world for profit. Enter Minecraft Puppet Steve.
Portraying a puppet based on the default avatar from Minecraft, Chris “reviews” toys. By which he describes the toy, makes stupid jokes, has wacky shit happen, and says it’s cool. Early in the channel’s life, he did the same “throw everything and see what sticks” method he used in 2015 when he did multiple videos a week. Doing things like movie reviews and trailer reactions, neither of which he does now. Chris would eventually find his audience not with Minecraft toys (no that would be obvious) but Five Nights at Freddy’s toys. I have no idea where he’s getting the views, his subscriber and view count is way off. Is it little kids that aren’t allowed to have YouTube accounts yet? I’ve seen at least one comment where they admit they’re five years old.

Despite starting in January, I wouldn’t learn about this channel until August. Chris did a good job keeping it secret for that long. But that raises a question, why did he keep it secret? Why not tell his fanbase of at least 160k subscribers? It’s likely Chris didn’t want those fans, he wanted new fans, dumber fans, five year olds that will watch anything no matter the quality. For a while he deleted any and all comments on his Facebook asking about Puppet Steve. Eventually he subtly caved by adding it to his “Other Channels” section on “CB Network”. But he hasn’t outright said it’s him or told his fans to check it out.

So it’s meant for kids, is it at least good for them? Oh god no. Chris is under the belief that since he’s making something for kids, he doesn’t have to put in any effort. As I said, the reviews are not reviews, they’re unfunny comedy bits that seem more like Chris showing off his collection rather than informing his audience.  Kids have a million options for entertainment, and this is among the worst.
Chris also believes that since it’s for kids, he can write like he’s a kid. His usual redundancy and captain obvious shtick is still intact here. It’s also clear he knows nothing about the franchises he covers, especially Five Nights at Freddy’s (and that’s his main thing somehow).

And get this, Steve is far more annoying than the Irate Gamer. Steve is an egocentric dick that has to constantly crow on how awesome he is and how he’s soooo cool and all the other toys are lame compared to him. If you have to claim you’re cool, you’re not. Yet somehow the kids love this!

It also became clear that all the tech product shilling was likely done just to fund this channel. Good luck trying to get the word out to his fans, Chris will delete delete delete.

I could fill an entire list with moments from Puppet Steve (that Deathstroke video… *shudders*) but there lies another problem with the series, it’s beyond formulaic. Nearly every video is the same. Steve shows the toy, Zombie Steve says something, he talks about the toy with as little detail as possible, wacky jokes, the toy comes to life, wacky jokes, end on a wacky joke. It all runs together.
Sometimes there’s a change. Like Chris will bring his step-daughter on to voice Puppet Alex (based on the other default skin in Minecraft) so she can review girl toys. This is actually preferable because “Alex” sounds like she knows what she’s talking about, and wants to review things. I think Chris got offended by my preference for her as she hasn’t appeared in a while. I thought “busy with school”, but she’s like 7 and they have weekends.
He also did a couple gameplay videos. One on Lego Dimensions where he clearly didn’t know how to play, and one on Five Nights at Freddy’s Sister Location, which he never finished. Smooth.
Otherwise, most of the videos are the same and it’s boring.

Somehow, he gets lots and lots and lots of views. Apparently kid channels like this are really popular. If this is what Chris wants to do, then he needs to put in effort. Like Irate Gamer, kids will not look back on this fondly. They’ll rewatch it when they’re older and realize “this is the dumbest thing ever”. Chris can’t grow if he continues to half-ass it, just like the Irate Gamer. History repeats.

And so, 2016 comes to a close. I know people are constantly wondering if I’m done. … I don’t know. All depends on what stupid shit Chris does next. He could actually release his announced second book, I could get info from someone close to him that leads to some really big answers, Puppet Steve might actually evolve behind “same shit different toy”.

I leave with one more piece of advice for Chris. Make sure the news you read is true, check your sources, don’t fall for obviously fake stories.

Saturday, December 10, 2016

Bores Continues to Use "CB Network" Just to Shill

Bores actually posted two videos yesterday. Unfortunately it's all paid promotion with no actual content.
First video is some hard drive, and the title he wrote for it is like a 10 in "shameless clickbait".
Yeaaaah I don't buy it. Chris seems to understand his remaining fans hate these videos as comments are disabled.
Second video is another Box Wars. Yawn.
What's weird about these videos (and the previous Box Wars) is that he's filming them at a different angle. Instead of sitting in front of his posters, he's sitting in front of his game shelves. Did he remove the posters on the wall? Too bad Chris is incapable of communication like a normal YouTube user.
The comments on the Box Wars are open, but seems Chris is modding them hard. I noticed one user with an AkaNinger avatar (Shuriken Sentai Ninninger) who was yelling at everyone that "CHRIS IS RETIRED, STOP BEING MEAN!" because people kept asking for real content. However, all those comments are gone now. Is Chris trying to hide from his YouTube fans that he's retired? Pick a position and stick with it!

I have to wonder if "CB Network" is going to only be active in October. Despite his claims to the contrary, Chris really doesn't seem dedicated to ghost hunting, and only seems to talk about around Halloween. What is he doing the rest of the year? Well, besides buying plastic crap and making the same video again and again and again and again and again and again and this is why I barely talk about Puppet Steve.

Speaking of, over there we find more fucking FNAF. Another Minecraft video. A look at Harley Quinn statue that's from Arkham City, but because Chris is desperate for clicks like a Buzzfeed whore, he puts Suicide Squad in the title. It's just sad at this point.
All the Lego Dimensions Adventure Time figures, because fuck the rest of Wave 6 & 7.
And... I am not kidding, Emoji toys. Not the characters from that upcoming animated movie produced by Sony, but actual figures based on the Emojis you find in your phones. This reeks of "How do you do fellow kids?"
"Easter Egg" is in the title, which apparently he calls it that because he has an "Easter Egg" box. ... No that doesn't make sense! Ugh... Chris really is a moron...

But that's not the most recent video. The newest is more fucking FNAF.
It's not even new toys, it's about toys that aren't even out yet. Holy shit! It's like Chris is thinking "FNAF is the only thing that gives me views, I need to milk it more and more, I don't care how vapid and stupid it is!"
In the video he says "We're one of the top YouTube channels that talks about the McFarlane Five Nights at Freddy's toys!" Chris still loves his overly narrow superlatives. Just like how he tried to show his book was a success with narrow Amazon categories. Can someone actually check on Chris? I don't think he's mentally doing well.

That's about it from me. Should probably work on the year end list, if I even have anything to write about.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

End of November Update

Sooo... how are you guys holding up? You doing alright?

Things have been quiet on Irate Ga- I mean "CB Network" front. Nothing has been posted since his Toledo Airport "ghost hunt" on Halloween. He's been surprisingly active on Facebook, posting awful political image macros that show his dependence on fake news (which has now become a real problem). As well as an edit of Excitebike's box art with Pee-wee Herman as he goes "HUR HUR ONLY 80'S KIDS WILL GET THIS". Fuck you Chris, it's bad enough when people do that "only 90's kids will get this" garbage, we don't need you doing it with the 80's! Also, Pee-wee's Big Adventure is not an obscure movie.

Puppet Steve on the other hand has been very active.
More FNAF, more Peppa Pig that he won't disclose is a brand deal, a Lego Star Wars video where he misspells Rogue One in the title and STILL HASN'T FIXED IT! The entire video is nothing but "ME BLOW THINGS UP ME FUNNY".
He actually did another Minecraft video. A video on the new Trolls movie (well, the toys related to it). The Lego Dimensions Fantastic Beasts Story Pack, but only the set. I think after we exposed his PSN account he's too scared to do more gameplay videos. Either that or he's lazy.
A video on Muppet toys which I imagine are old since the Muppets are essentially a dead franchise now (Most Wanted bombed, new TV show cancelled).

He does do an amiibo video... kind of. I want you to read this fucking video title. "Thanksgiving Christmas exclusive Boo Amiibo Skylanders jingle bell choppy mage chicken lego Unboxing"
What in the name of word salad word vomit is this garbage?
The video itself has him claim the Boo amiibo is Halloween related. It's not. It came out along the other six figures in Super Mario Wave 2. I think he wanted to talk about the Christmas themed Jingle Bell Chompy Mage Skylander but felt that wasn't enough content? I don't know, Chris' thought process is just baffling now.
He also makes some clear rookie mistakes involving Skylanders, like noting how his in-game apparance matches the toy. No shit. He also misspells the name in the title as "Choppy Mage" instead of Chompy. Looking it up, the Chompy Mage has been around since Giants, and the Chompy itself since the first game. Chris just seems to have trouble with the English language in general.
If you're wondering why Lego is mentioned, he wanted Lego Dimensions to do something Thanksgiving related and shows a mini-fig of a guy in a chicken suit unrelated to the game. Does Chris not understand that Dimensions relies entirely on licensed properties and holiday themed stuff would be difficult to do?

Speaking of Skylanders, reports are beginning to circulate that the series maybe done for. Imaginators sold poorly, the Netflix cartoon isn't getting many views, and they're having trouble moving the figures. This post on NeoGAF does a decent job explaining how it happened.
Basically, Activision got greedy. It happened with Guitar Hero, and it's likely going to happen with Skylanders.  This only leaves Lego Dimensions to carry the Toys-to-Life mantle (and amiibo but they're more a multi-purpose tool at the moment, unless Nintendo has a big game planned for Switch).
Looks like Chris lost a major source of income if this ends up true. Granted, he can probably whore himself out to more and more FNAF and Jazwares crap.

Think we'll get something of substance in December? We will see.

Saturday, November 5, 2016

We Might Truly Be at The End of Irate Gamer

This is the way the Irate Gamer ends. Not with a grand finale, but a sad ghostly whimper.

Chris has gone through some major changes in the last couple days. Along with more videos getting deleted (he's now under 200, so much for that big celebratory video which is probably gone too), he's dropped the Irate Gamer name. His channel is now "CB Network" (pfft, network). His avatar is the one he uses on one of his Facebook pages where half his face is in shadow and he's trying to be "spooky".

The channel comes with a new description that surprisingly lacks ego.
"Chris Bores Network coming at you with a wide variety of shows: Interviews, Ghost Hunts, The Irate Gamer Show, Irate the 80's, and History of Video Games."
Interviews huh? More generic questions that have no substance?
Maybe those last three are mentioned in the same way TV networks mention repeats? Because I don't think he's coming back, at least not now.

He's started advertising his Season 5 DVD, and is claiming this is the final season.  Yeah, an entire season of bashing classic games, that's how he decides to go out. Considering Duck Hunt was the last episode produced, his show literally ends with a joke that's been done a million times, one that he's even done himself in the early days. You're really screwing over what few fans you have left if that's how you end the show. They want real closure, they want a finale, or at least a video answering questions. One that's not full of bullshit like your "Opening Up" video.
Oh and so much for "I might do Kickstarter". Yeah nice job giving false hope to your fans. That will really help you when your next project fails to take off.

This also leads into his site being changed. now redirects to a revamped On there, IG is nothing more than a mention, he's all about how amazing his ghost hunting is and how he's the expert and blah blah blah ghosts are still bullshit. Love that he's still flaunting his Hardcore Pawn appearance even though the show is dead and his episode never even aired (if the story was true anyway).

What's interesting is that Chris put a new Featured Channel on the IG side. Minecraft Puppet Steve. Looks like Chris is done pretending he has nothing to do with it. I'm guessing Guru Larry exposing him made him realize he can't hide forever, no matter how many Facebook comments he deletes. Yet somehow my many posts didn't get your ass in gear. I know you read this Chris!

Is IG truly truly truly done? Hard to say, Chris has a bad habit of crawling back to it. Like when he said Season 4 was the end, but then came Season 5 when nobody wanted his ghost crap.
Sure, Minecraft Puppet Steve is doing decently right now, but Chris has a very big problem that I don't often bring up because it's not as noticeable in the short term. Chris is incapable of growth.
As Guru Larry has pointed out to me multiple times, Chris' subscriber count stagnated hard. In the last five something years, he's only gained 20k subscribers. That is depressing for someone that puts out regular content. Chris' ego made him believe that he was doing something right all along, and thus he never tried changing the Irate Gamer. If he did, it was barely noticeable. The storyline of Season 4? Same shit as before but with extra scenes and "characters". Season 5? Bashing classic games instead of legit bad ones because he's incapable of proper criticism.
A lot of people came to his channel for his History of Video Games series (I don't know why but okay), and from May 2009 to December 2015, he only got up to the Intellivision. The rare updates contributed to the stagnation.
Fans requested games all the time for IG Neo, and he very rarely took them. They wanted to see Minecraft, he never delivered. What he did deliver was often half-baked and clearly unfinished. This lead to more people leaving and less people subbing.

Chris did try to do different things in 2015. That's what it was all about. A weekly schedule of three videos, then two videos, then whenever he felt like it. See, the dwindling output is another reason you stagnated. The only time you explained things was when you went from 3 to 2, after that you didn't tell your fans anything. Your lack of communication is yet another reason. Your fans know nothing! They chomp at the bit for info about upcoming videos, but you stay silent. You pretend they aren't yelling at you.
You tried Let's Plays, but you never listened to criticism. In fact, when people pointed out moments in the Punch-Out LP where there was clear cheating, you deleted them. Hiding from the truth was never the answer. Not in 2007, not now.
You tried this new style of "crazy" review, and people HATED it. You did seem to wise up as you only did a couple more, but you were so in love with this idea that you made an entirely separate channel where you do nothing but "crazy". When those kids grow up, they're going to see what a hack you were. Just like all the kids that grew up watching Irate Gamer. More stagnation! Kids didn't want you, they wanted Let's Plays, they wanted games they know about. They don't want retro, they don't know what the NES is. They don't care about the toys you collected when you were a kid.

And yet in all these new ideas you were trying to showcase in 2015, you never tried the simplest one. Networking with other channels, having crossovers, trying to be more of a presence on the site. Sure you had a very bad reputation, but what you could have done is be honest and ask for forgiv-... wait, that kind of happened with the Opening Up video. Sure most of it was bullshit, but a lot of people believed you. Yet, when you went back into doing Irate Gamer, you made the same mistakes. Starting with DuckTales, you bashed a classic game and told the same style of jokes that made people dislike you in the first place. Then Kid Icarus, bashed a classic and told the same style of jokes. You had a golden opportunity, a chance to improve, but you went back to the same broken tools that failed you years ago. Another reason your channel stopped growing.

You tried to push your paranormal projects, but most of your channel doesn't care about that. They came for video games, and instead you show them boring night vision videos where nothing happens. Why you didn't just make a separate channel for these vid- oh right, you did. Y2B2006. My point still stands though, your fans didn't want to see this. Your big theater night from 2013? We know it was a bust, we know there was only like 20 people that showed up.
Oh and asking for positive reviews of your book on Facebook? That is the ultimate smell of desperation. You know how I know your claim that it was spammed with negative reviews was a big fat lie? The major gaps in review dates. An anonymous Amazon Customer posted a 1-star review on January 24th 2016. Someone called Truth of the 12's posted a 4-star on August 17th. A fan of yours named Michael posted a 5-star review on October 29th, the very same day you made that post crying about the negative reviews. By the way, your ploy for pity didn't work, he was the only one to give a phony positive review. In fact, the latest review posted on Halloween (also from a guy named Michael) is a 1-star review calling out your begging. We're not stupid Chris, despite what you want to think.

Do you think Puppet Steve can save you? You're making the same mistakes. Remember when you got a bunch of views from Skylanders content, and then you spammed Skylanders constantly, and all your fans left in droves? Oh hey, another reason for stagnation. You're doing the same thing, only with Five Nights at Freddy's. You got a bunch of views on FNAF content, and now you're spamming FNAF content constantly, even doing a video on a toy that was just announced. You're going to lose fans this way, they'll get tired of all the FNAF. Then again, there are bunch of channels that are nothing but Minecraft and they manage to retain an audience. But Minecraft does have a multitude of possibilities. Chris is fairly limited with what he can do with Puppet Steve, especially when every video looks and sounds the same. It's more formulaic than an episode of House.
Not to mention you're doing paid promotions without warning people that they're paid promotions! I know you're not doing Peppa Pig videos because you care for that series, I know Jazwares is following you on Twitter, why do you have to be so dishonest even in these videos for dumb kids?

Chris, for once in your life, be honest. Don't beat around the bush, don't make up stories, don't pretend to your mother and scream at people about how they're evil Clinton supporters just for disagreeing with you.
By the way, someone posted the comment "she" left on Guru Larry's video onto Chris' Facebook, and he played dumb about it, asking "what does that have to do with anything?" Come on Chris, we all know you're pretending to be mommy dearest, stop denying it.
I think you'll realize that being honest with everyone will get you some fans back.

So what does this mean for this blog? Well, if Chris posts something of interest, like a playthrough on Puppet Steve, or the sudden return of IG when he gets desperate, I'll be there. I'll also clean the spam when it happens.

What I really want to see is someone interview him, and not a fluffy late-night talk show interview, I mean a Brian Ross investigative interview that gives us answers. If not from him, then someone close. Maybe someone from GotGame that knew him? Maybe someone that worked with him? I want to get in contact with Eric Allen but I can't seem to message him on his channel.
Answers would be nice.

Thursday, October 27, 2016

Chris Continues the Sister Location LP. I'm Surprised It Didn't Take 3 Months!

Hmmm, where to start? Let's go with Puppet Steve as that's what I imagine most of this post will cover.

On Monday, he posted a video where he reviews socks. ... I am not kidding. Well, he reviews a special edition Ghostbusters 2016 Blu-Ray that comes with socks. Is there a market for this?
In it, Steve said it was a good movie. You know, I shouldn't be surprised. Chris loved Pixels, and a lot of critics have noticed tonal similarities between the two.
He also says "it's the extended edition, which has more scenes than in the original" There's not enough "no shit, sherlocks" in the world.
The thing that sticks out most though is what he says at the start. "All this week on the Puppet Steve channel, we're doing Halloween items". So this was posted Monday, and one can guess from that line he'll be posting a new video every day. ... Seems Chris still can't keep his promises. Tuesday, nothing. Wednesday, nothing. Today, noth- oh wait, there is something.

It's not a product review, it's more of his Five Nights at Freddy's: Sister Location LP. Or his "JumpScare Reaction Gameplay" Seriously what is this?
Now kids will know the annoyance of Bores promising something, and never fulfilling it.

Last time, Steve fear quit after the very first obstacle in the game. I wonder if this is how Chris treats every game.
I imagine we'll see more after he looked up- I mean watched some other vid- I mean TOTALLY FIGURED OUT HOW TO GET PAST THE BIDYBAB ON HIS OWN

"I'm going to beat this stupid baby once and for all" Woooow that would be some great "out of context" material.
"I guess I showed that stupid baby diaperhead!" Chris, kids don't say this. Quit taking tips from shitty sitcoms.
He succeeds.
"Ugh, more of the stupid girl talking" Your sexism is showing Chris.
 Steve puts together that Circus Baby actually knows what's happening. Welcome to narrative Chris! You get a cookie.
He goes through the Ballora Gallery. I think there's jump cuts at points.
And like a moron, he was moving around when Ballora's music was nearby and gets jumped. You're supposed to stay still! Didn't you listen to Circus Baby?
He skips right over finishing the gallery and moves right to restoring the power with Funtime Freddy watching him.
He fixes some, gets jumped, then finishes fixing them. But then he skips over going through the Gallery again, and skips over the second part of The Immortal and the Restless. You don't know what fun is!

When the HandUnit asks for music, he wants Justin Timberlake. Yeah I'm sure you're totally a Justin Timberlake fan.
When he gets Casual Bongos, he makes a remark about Pitbull. I've only heard a few Pitbull songs but I don't recall hearing bongos in them.
Onto moving through Funtime Foxy's hall. I predict a possible quit from this part.
He gets his flash beacon, which Steve thinks is a camera. Did he fucking say it was a camera?! No surprise, he uses it too much and gets jumped. Blames Foxy. Still in the habit of blaming the game I see.
Gets through Foxy, and onto the part where he needs to repair Freddy.
He removes the part from the chest module and gets complimented for it. "Heh heh, well I am pretty cool" No you're not. You're the opposite of cool. Nothing about you can qualify as cool.
I stand corrected, he rage quits on trying to push the button on Bonnie's bow tie, and he gets jumped by him three times. Well, at least there was no Zombie Steve.

Slight improvement as there's more commentary, but that's not saying much.

Over on Irate Gamer, he posted a Box Wars last week. ... Oh, there is something more interesting.
According to reader Rick Lee, Chris stealthily dropped the Irate Gamer Season 5 DVD on his store. Yeah, no announcement or anything.
Guess Chris wants to squeeze a few more dollars out of the few IG fans he has left.
Says it contains 10 episodes, which I imagine are DuckTales, Kid Icarus, Punch Out, Spy Hunter, Mega Man, Donkey Kong, Kung-Fu, Castlevania, Excitebike, and Duck Hunt.
No extras are listed at all. I would not be surprised if Chris lazily slapped it together with just these episodes, with no changes to them. More copyrighted footage!
The cover art, which is only shown as a tiny thumbnail, is absolutely abysmal. The top 3/4ths of it are the start-up screen from the Irate Gamer Game. Chris just loooves to milk that image. On the bottom 1/4th are random screenshots. Looks like the ending to Kung-Fu, Duck Hunt, and a scene from Punch-Out. Shouldn't these go on the back of the box? Amazing how he topped the laziness of the last cover art.

Do you think anyone will buy this? It used to be that at least one purchase would be from Shawn of TotalActionAdventure, but I just checked the site and it's gone. The domain lapsed. That's a shame, I enjoyed reading it.
EDIT: Turns out Shawn simply moved site. You can see his new blog at this link. Thank you red for informing me about this.
Chris really needs to communicate better. Maybe then he wouldn't be included on a video about fallen YouTube stars made by someone that legit tried to help him.

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Guru Larry Presents: The Untold Rise and Fall Stories of 3 YouTube Gaming Channels

Hello you! (oh noes, plagiarism)
Our old friend Larry Bundy Jr AKA Guru Larry has posted a new video going over how once popular gaming channels on YouTube took a major nosedive.

You can watch the video here.

I'm posting this as one of the subjects is Chris Bores himself. I also helped with some of the info.
You can also see how Machinima fell, and the complete obliteration of GameLife (now there's a relic).


Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Chris Finally Hops on a Bandwagon at the Right Time

Chris has always struggled capitalizing on popular trends. When Let's Plays were becoming big, Chris ignored them. Whenever a big game would come out, Chris would ignore it, or talk about it months later. All this only made it clear Chris does not care about games and never has.
I even addressed this in my last post, pointing out all the FNAF toy videos he made were popular but that he wasn't smart enough to play the newest game. I'm guessing he read that and got insulted because he just posted a "Let's Play" of Five Nights at Freddy's: Sister Location. On Puppet Steve. If Chris was smart, he would have posted this on the Irate Gamer channel, where he has more subscribers and more people that care about video games.
This also proves Chris can play PC games. Even if this game is one most toasters can run.

But yeah, another Puppet Steve Let's Play, or  rather... whatever this word salad title is:
Five Nights at Freddy's FNAF Sister Location Reaction Gameplay JumpScare Video Puppet Steve
"Jump scare" is two words Chris. 
The video is only 6:17 long so I'm not expecting much.

Steve is at his laptop.
"We're looking at the new Five Nights at Freddy's game, Sister Location, which is the sequel to the original" Right off the bat and we already have some Bores-level stupidity. This is the fifth game in the series Chris, how do you not know that there's multiple FNAF games? Do you think that every animatronic toy you looked at was in the first game? How is it so hard for you to do research?
Zombie Steve scene, he runs away.

We see the game, and in the corner I can see a Steam alert. The standard one that tells you how to access the community while you play. What happened to "I have no reason to be on Steam" which you claimed in your Gauntlet E3 video in 2014? Then again, that was likely a lie as I've heard stories about you using Steam to play Left 4 Dead. Either way, he's on Steam now. I doubt we'll see his username.

Here's a fun game to play. Count how many times he says "alright".
During the intentionally broken "name yourself" part, an Exit Game prompt appears. The hell? The editing also feels weird.
"What an idiot" It's supposed to be broken and call you Eggs Benedict. That's the joke.
 Steve tries to put on a tough guy act and say it's not creepy at all. Don't pull a DSP.

Going through the motions, being boring...
Zaps Balora, zaps Funtime Foxy. He calls Foxy a "he", but apparently this Foxy's gender is unknown as HandUnit calls Foxy "she" but the Angsty Teen voice in Night Two calls Foxy "he". So he could be right.
"Stupid Zombie Steve, this isn't creepy:" What did I say about pulling a DSP?
He beats the first night because obviously it's meant to be the easiest. He continues to pretend this isn't creepy. It kind of is, at least in terms of location. Off the bat you can tell something is wrong. The broken name input, the faulty electricity, Circus Baby not appearing, atmosphere is important Chris.

Wait, he skipped right to Night Two! Come on, aren't you at least going to watch The Immortal and the Restless? Eat some popcorn?
"I'm going to be an angsty puppet here in a minute" Your Irate Gamer side is showing.
Goes through the Night 2 zapping, proceeds to Circus Baby's room. "That guy gives me the creeps" ... Circus Baby is a girl. How can she even give you the creeps when you haven't seen her at this point? Your "riffing" makes no sense.
"Time to shock him" Chris really has trouble with gender doesn't he? 
HandUnit goes offline, and the lights go out. For some reason, the lights dim in the Puppet Steve cutaways. More IG is showing, the game effecting reality somehow.

He does the part where you hide under the desk from the Bidybab. He closes it, but then he doesn't try to keep it closed so the Bidybab quickly jump scares and kills him. When it cuts to Steve reacting, the lights are back on. Nice continuity Chris.
ZS appears with a "told you so" but Steve continues the tough guy act and tries again. He fails again. Then quits. Quitting after two jump scares, you really suck at this Chris.

Not only that, but this video sucks. It's really boring, Chris has no good commentary or jokes. He just points out the obvious and says what's he doing. Holy shit he really is DSP. Chris, why don't you try watching a whole bunch of Let's Plays and see how they do it? The way you're doing it with this and the Lego Dimensions video, you're not going to win fans. You're way too boring. Then again, you are Chris Bores.

Friday, October 14, 2016

Chris Exposes His PSN in a Crappy Lego Let's Play

You’re probably expecting some more Puppet Steve right? There is, but I have to level with you. These videos are kind of a chore to get through. They’re so redundant, almost formulaic. Steve shows a toy, bad jokes, “isn’t that right Zombie Steve?”, more bad jokes, barely talks about the toy, lame effects. There’s very little substance and it's nowhere near as fun as dissecting the Irate Gamer.

I’ll bring up a few things about it though.
He seems to have found success with Five Nights at Freddy’s. He made a bunch of videos about the toys and got a shitload of views. I do kind of question it, but I know FNAF is crazy popular so he might not be cheating. Maybe. I doubt he’d play the games though, he’s not that smart. You’d think with Sister Location he’d hop on that bandwagon, it’s clear he knows nothing.

There’s a video where he “interviews” Deathstroke, rather a Lego figure of him.  This is in response to the footage that Ben Affleck posted of Deathstroke in the DCEU. The entire joke is that he says “kill kill kill” a lot, and that he loves to kill. Making it VERY OBVIOUS that Chris has no idea what Deathstorke is actually like. It’s one of the worst videos Chris has ever made. Completely and utterly insulting.

He’s also begun looking at toys for Peppa Pig and Paw Patrol. What the hell is that? They’re shows on Nick Jr. Meaning Chris is reviewing literal baby stuff for babies. I can understand Minecraft, Lego, FNAF, that stuff appeals to all ages. Why talk about this crap?
Well, I took a look at his Twitter (yes there’s a Puppet Steve Twitter, it’s pretty sad) and I found a hint. He doesn’t follow many people, mostly Toledo-based accounts, Ellen DeGeneres and Jimmy Fallon *cough*shittaste*cough* and one called “Jazwares”. They’re a toy company that specializes in Minecraft, Terraria, something called Animal Jam, apparently RWBY (they keep retweeting Rooster Teeth) and Peppa Pig. Huuuuh. In fact, not only does “Steve” follow them, they follow him. Yeah, this sounds like a brand deal. Does “Steve” mention this is a brand deal? NOPE! Shady and scummy just like Irate Gamer.

The Puppet Alex videos are still alright. Chris’ stepdaughter at least sounds like she knows and cares about what she’s talking about.

Anyway, onto what I do want to talk about. A pair of videos about Lego Dimensions, and the new Ghostbusters movie. Now retitled Ghostbusters: Answer the Call.

Video title is still word salad nonsense. Ghostbusters New Movie LEGO Dimensions Story Pack 71242 Abby Yates Chinese Unboxing Review
Why just “Chinese”? Was there not enough space for restaurant? Get rid of “new movie” for 2016, get rid of the numbers, now you have space. Still hard to read though.

More copyrighted material. Does he not get content ID’d for this?
“Once we open this up, we find that there’s all kinds of pieces to put together” … This was a line that was said.
Apparently Steve has “puppet magic” and with the words “Alaka-Ghosts n Goblins” he puts it together in an instant. So just like the retarded Muffin magic from the start. Also, Ghosts n Goblins reference? Did you forget what channel you’re on?
He lists what’s part of it like it actually matters. This is just meant to go on the portal, it’s not a legit Lego playset.
He shows off the sliding doors, with Star Trek noises. Stop.
Then there’s a dumb bit with a greeter and a trio of Minecraft Lego. The greeter is actually Sensei Wu from Lego Ninjago, who has a figure for Dimensions. Yes, he has a bad accent. And then more bad accent. Blah…
The set comes with an Abby Yates figure (Melissa’s McCarthy’s character because she was sooooo memorable). “She comes in her brand new uniform seen in the movie” No shit. Of course it’s accurate to the movie why wouldn’t it be? Not to mention the new uniform is dumb with those stripes across the chest.
He makes her talk, and he didn’t even try to sound like McCarthy.
He shows off the Peter Venkmen figure. Yes, just remind us of the good Ghostbusters movie, that won’t hurt at all.
“This is a fun playset” It’s not meant to be a playset! It’s for the game! Uggh
He shows the real purpose and acts like this is an “extra feature”. You are so bad at this.
Then a dumb bit where the doors slide open and Zombie Steve pops up.
He shows off the new Ecto-1. That’s it.

Now, onto the bigger video. Puppet Steve’s longest video to date.
Ghostbusters Movie LEGO Dimensions Aldridge Mansion Level 1 Story Pack Letsplay commentary

Yep, he’s doing a Let’s Play. A 10:04 one meant to cover the first level of six (I am doubtful he will get that far).
I want to thank iDuck for helping me out with info about the video that I might have missed.

We got Steve with a PS3 controller in front of him. “Put the main figure on the portal” You don’t have to move it to the center, the spot it was on works just fine.
He starts the game, and he has to download the pack in order to access it. Is this a PS3 only thing? Pay attention to that download screen, I’m going to talk about something important after I finish the video.

He points out the crossover stuff (see, that’s a big part of the game Chris)
“This animatic comes straight to us from the movie” Wrong in so many ways. That’s a cutscene, not an animatic. An animatic is an animated storyboard made early in production. You made this exact same mistake in your Lego Marvel review. Also, how is it straight from the movie when it’s all Lego? I don’t recall the movie being Lego.
He decides to be quiet for the cutscene. Chris not vomiting out his stupid Steve voice? Perish the thought!
“Ooh Ghostbusters, this is going to be aweso-” and it cuts off. Nice editing Chris…
“Things are on fire? This is looking to be a great game” … You have an odd idea of what makes a good game. Plus, haven’t you already played this? It’s the same as all the other Lego Dimensions levels.
Another cutscene. Turn on subtitles!
This is boring…
He points out the Back to the Future Deloreon again, but somehow misses Velma from Scooby-Doo and Chell from Portal walking by. You have weird priorities.
But he does notice the Mystery Machine. … This is really damn boring.

So 3 minutes in and he gets to the gameplay. Normally I wouldn’t mind this, but it’s just so…. Blaaah.
He calls the studs “Lego Money”. Oh my god Chris, how many of these have you played? You couldn’t get that right?
“Get to play as any 3 of the Ghostbusters” Except Patty, don’t forget about her even if you really want to.
Okay so he builds one of the Keystone generators, and it’s clear he didn’t have it, so it cuts and he comes back after having completed more of the game. Well, I think that happened because… we’ll get to that.
“The blonde haired Ghostbuster” Her name is Jillian, it says so in the upper-left corner. Why are you so bad with names?
More awful jokes…
He’s saying “Alright” so much. More than he usually does. It’s really damn annoying.
I just noticed, the portal isn’t even plugged in. It’s supposed to light up. Just like how he never turns the controllers on…
There’s so many jump cuts, the other three Ghostbusters Dimensions characters appear out of nowhere. Use the other characters Chris, that’s the point of the game. It’s a massive crossover! Put the Doctor in there, put the Joker in there, do something interesting!

Oh he does put Superman in there. Still boring…
“Ooh another animatic” GAH!
A joke about floating books in his grandma’s house. I don’t get it…
More awful jokes… you’re not funny!
You know, I’m surprised Bores isn’t doing face cam. Especially since that’s what all the kids go for.
Not funny not funny not funny not funny… by which I mean Bores’ commentary.
“Ugh now we have to fight this painting” Seriously Chris? You don’t understand a boss fight? Lego Dimensions actually has them in every level!
“Who knew a painting could be so evil? Heh, well I did once you watch Ghostbusters II!” Don’t sound so smug about it Chris. Also this only goes to show how unoriginal this movie is.
Vigo reference, crossing the streams reference. Whatever…
Level 1 ends.
“Boy that was creepy, hope I can go to bed tonight” Even as a joke, you sound like a major wuss to get scared by a Lego game.

So yeah that really sucked. This was boring even by his standards. He clearly had no material. No energy either. You’re so bad at all kinds of videos. Just stick with editing other people’s material.

But, that’s not what I really want to talk about. Remember when I mentioned to pay attention to the download? Seems Chris in all his wisdom forgot to block out his PSN name!

Yep, we now know that Chris goes by “irate_g” on Playstation. Thanks to iDuck for pointing it out.
With this, we can see what games Chris has played on PS3 and PS4. Here’s a list:

*whistles* Look at those low numbers. Most of these he clearly only played for the show.
You can tell the ones he actually liked from the higher numbers. Ghostbusters 2009, Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe, Dante’s Inferno, God of War III, Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions, LittleBigPlanet 2, Batman: Arkham City, Lego Batman 2, Diablo III, and that’s where it ends. Oh, except for all the Skylanders games. His most “complete” is the first one, Spyro’s Adventure. It’s like once he discovered Skylanders, he gave up.

You can also see some notorious “reviews”. Brutal Legend only has one (beat the first level), Tekken 6 somehow has zero! He couldn’t past the first stage of Scenario Mode!
Green Lantern: Rise of the Manhunters only has two, didn’t get far. Lego Star Wars III only has two, also didn’t get far. He did manage six trophies in Mortal Kombat 9, but didn’t beat the game. Which means he somehow knew about Cyber Sub-Zero even though you need to beat the game to unlock him. He stole footage there didn’t he?

One big surprise is Sonic Generations with four trophies. He managed to beat both Green Hill and Chemical Plant stages, and then just gave up. Why did you feel the need to steal footage then? You’ve shown you don’t care about barely having any, so why this? It also shows you didn’t even reach the boss, meaning your complaint about being unable to skip cut scenes is an even bigger, fatter lie!
Transformers: Fall of Cybertron only has one trophy, beating the first chapter. My informant noticed in the review that he was in levels beyond that, but the trophy stats say otherwise. More stolen footage?
Resident Evil 6 only has three, but that’s not a surprise since that was a “same-day review with no script”. He did mention Dead Island in that review, and it’s on the list. With zero. Didn’t even get far enough for one measly trophy.
Disney Infinity only has one, so he clearly didn’t give that one a chance.
Tales of Zesteria has nothing. HOW? I’ve barely played the game (short attention span and all that) and I managed to get two in that short time. How did you get zero? Did you just put the game in the console and say “good enough”? More stolen footage? It would explain how he mistook Alisha for Ashley… actually no that still doesn’t!
Star Wars Battlefront at two. It’s so clear he does not care about video games, at least not ones made for older audiences, and by older I mean older than eight.

There are some surprises on here. He played both the first and the third LittleBigPlanet. The third has zero trophies.
He played inFamous and got three.
Duke Nukem Forever, yeah didn’t expect that. Only two though, didn’t even bother picking up the poo.
He actually did play DuckTales Remastered. Surprised at no review. Same with Lego Batman 3.
The newest game on the list is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutants in Manhattan. I would say he doesn’t come close to understanding the intricacies of PlatinumGames, but this was one of the lesser titles so I’ll let that one slide. However, there’s no trophies. You get one of the tutorial, some how he didn’t do that. What the hell?

The majority of these games are PS3. The only PS4 ones are Battlefront and TMNT. Goes to show how little he cares about games, he really just wants to do toys but even that he fails. Well, not in the eyes of the stupid brats that think he’s “soo kewwwwl” *barf*.
I wonder if we can find his XBL Gamertag, or his Steam account, or his Nintendo ID (though I don’t know if we can find what games he’s played through that, and no trophy/achievement system means we can’t tell how far he got).

Please do not harass Chris on his PSN account. You can point and laugh, but do not directly message him with crap.

You think he’ll ever post anything on the Irate Gamer again? Or is this going to be a Puppet Steve future? If that’s the case, it would be wise to inform the IG fans. I know you don’t want them, but if you want to grow, this is one major step. That and improving your writing and not resorting to pandering garbage. … Except I think the pandering garbage is working, at least with FNAF. At least try to make something that isn’t insulting. Something parents would enjoy watching along with their kids. That’s the best kind of entertainment. Not “well they like it so I’ll force myself to like it”. That’s the garbage that gets forgotten.

Saturday, October 1, 2016

Sorry for the lack of updates

I know it's been a couple weeks since I've posted something, and I know that Chris has been going full HAM on the Puppet Steve channel. I've just been busy, life gets in the way.

I'll try to find time to watch more Puppet Steve since Chris isn't posting anything over on Irate Gamer. In fact, he's erasing. Soooooo many videos are gone now, down to 299 on the channel. Hopefully things have been archived. What are you trying to hide Chris?

Also, to "Linda", I'm deleting all your comments because you're an annoying pest. Nobody here cares what you think. Go to InfoWars if you want to word vomit all your retarded tinfoil nonsense.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Minecraft Puppet Steve Part 3: A Tiny Glimmer in the 20 Foot Dumpster

In the last few days, Chris has uploaded a couple tech “reviews”. Again, more paid promotional crap. However, both videos started out with comments already disabled. Well, back to hold habits are we Chris? We are approaching your 10 year anniversary, might as well revisit the “glory days”, and that includes all blocking of criticism. The first video (about a fitness watch, like a cheap Fitbit) also had ratings disabled. The second video (which has a bunch of different items) has them enabled, and the fans don’t like it.
Also, one of the items is a Deus Ex art book. I didn’t know art books constituted as “tech”. Maybe it’s augmented? I doubt that’s the reason Chris included it, as that would mean knowing about that franchise, and the fact he mispronounces it as DOSE Ex instead of Deus Ex shows he knows nothing. Seriously Chris? Do you not know the term Deus Ex Machina? He really is hopeless.

Since that was a lot of nothing, here’s some more Minecraft Puppet Steve. Hoo boy…

Video #16: Pokemon Go Gameplay - Puppet Steve Plays (Training and Pokeball Capture) Pt. 1

You read that right, Chris Bores is going to talk about Pokemon. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

Video opens and Zombie Steve is distracted by… I know it’s intended to be a phone but that doesn’t look like any phone case I know of.
Steve notices he’s playing Pokemon Go, he wants to play, ZS says no, Steve beats him up and apparently bleeds Styrofoam, or is that meant to be dust like in a cartoon fight (as seen here). This bit makes no sense. Does Steve not have his own phone? He does realize the game is free right? There’s no reason to beat up ZS for it outside of “I have no joke, the punch line is violence”.

Steve gets up and now he’s wearing an Ash Ketchum hat. I think that’s the same one from one of those Box Wars videos. Also, Chris pronounces Pokemon like Weird Al does in the song he made for the second movie.
“So Pokemon is the new app” You mean Pokemon Go is the new app. Come on Chris don’t be lazy.
Mentions how you can pick between boy or girl. Just like the games. I’d say I’m surprised there’s no “confused Professor Oak” joke, but that would require him to actually know anything.
Mentions customization. “How cool” You’re way too easily impressed. Also, this was early on when customization was really limited so it’s barely cool.
“LET’S PLAY SOME POK-A-MON” Holy fuck you are annoying.
So he doesn’t use the green circles, but he does use the green arrows to point out obvious shit. In this case, the three Kanto starters.
He goes with Charmander, struggles to catch him. More like he’s not even trying.
It breaks free… so bored…
“Now stay in your booger!” … What?
“Now he wants to know my name? Heh, what a dork” … How is he a dork for wanting to know your name? Are you retarded Chris?
Anyway, he types in puppetsteve, all lower case. Just do Steve you hack.
He’s out on the map, brings up the Pokemon around him. He lists them as Caterpie, Weedle and… Donald Trump. Uggggggggggggggggggggggggh.
“I didn’t know he was a Pokemon” Burn the fucking puppet. For the record, that’s meant to be Shellder.

He tries to find Pokemon by barely moving across the table. Obviously they don’t show up. Then he realizes you have to go outside. Oh no, now people will see the asshole that sticks his hand in my asshole.
He sees a nearby gym, but of course he’s not allowed as he’s only Level 1 not 5. Then it ends.

But wait, there’s more.

Video #17: Pokemon Go Gameplay - Driving Hack Gameplay (Training Battle Pokeball Capture) Pt. 2

Not liking that title…
This is also the longest video on his channel. 4 minutes.

We open on something completely different. Steve and ZS in a car. Which has a green screen road.
They’re driving around to play Pokemon Go. *sighs*
“Why waste your time walking around where you can smack into trees when we can just drive around” Where do I start? Driving while playing this game is frowned upon, it’s not against the rules, but it misses the point. You’re supposed to walk or bike like a trainer in the original games. That’s the whole idea. Evidence that Chris has no idea what Pokemon is like. Plus, walking provides exercise.
There’s a bit where he slams into a tree, forgetting that every time you open the game, it warns you to keep aware of your surroundings. I know there are some real morons that ignore it, but it’s there for a reason.

Apparently Zombie Steve is a terrible driver, but he doesn’t care because he needs to find his POLKEYMOOON. Can you say it normally? Just once? So annoying.
“Kepture” Yep, it’s Chris.
Then we get stock footage of a real collision to show ZS is a bad driver. Really charming Chris, doing that for a “joke” is so classy.
He runs across a Rattata, which he pronounces as “Ratta-Tatta”. I think I need a drink.
He catches it, and they move on. They find another Pokemon, and some more real life crash footage. This is in really bad taste. Like holy shit. At least use movies if you want to make this joke.
He comes across a Weedle. “What a tough Pokemon” … You are being sarcastic right? “Level 10!” Those are Combat Points (CP) not levels.
“This is my favorite Pokemon ever!” … Really?
Oh it’s a joke because he finds a CP14 Weedle. Yawn…
He mentions how driving is so useful. You’re not supposed do it while driving that misses the point.
He complains that he isn’t encountering anything, nothing for 10 minutes, runs into another Weedle, then runs into an Eevee. “Nothing is cooler than that” … Really?
Oh it’s another joke because he runs into a stronger Eevee. “Power level 25” It says ???, where did you get 25 from?
“A power 25 Eevee! The other one’s stupid now! Ack ack ack!” God you’re annoying…

He brings up Pokestops, showing the TMCC Community Center. Looking that up, that is the Toledo Muslim Community Center. Nice job giving away your location “Steve”. You’re totally not the Irate Gamer who also happens to live in Toledo.
He gets an egg from the stop. “I’m going to make me an omelette” Get the fuck out! No! Don’t cook the Pokemon!
He finds another Weedle, this one is stronger, I don’t care…
He gets to Level 4, and thinks he’s ready for the gym. Uhhh Level 5. Did you not pay attention?
He tells ZS to go to the gym, and we get one last bit of real car accident footage. You’re an asshole Chris.

These videos told us nothing about Pokemon Go. Just shows what a lazy twat Chris is, preferring to drive instead of properly playing the game walking. I mean come on!

Video #18: Pokemon Go SONG - LEVEL UP Puppet Steve! Gameplay and Fun

This is something completely different. It’s a music video with a song made by Minecraft Jams, another channel that’s part of the same network as Puppet Steve (and apparently Irate Gamer is part of that network now, that’s not suspect at all). There’s not much to say, half of it is footage from the last two videos, and half of it is clearly not Chris’ footage. It’s too good or has Pokemon too powerful. Chris is the king of half-assing things so I doubt he went this far.
Actually I think he did do a gym, as there’s footage of him challenging a gym at the Toledo library.
The song itself is okay, it’s certainly leagues ahead of “I PLAY POKEMON GO EVERYDAY! I PLAY POKEMON GO!”

Video #19: Teen Titans GO! Deluxe Six Pack Action Figures Set Unboxing Review - Puppet Steve

Oh fuck this show. I’ll admit I wasn’t the biggest fan of the original Teen Titans cartoon. Granted I haven’t seen it in years so it’s probably better than I remember it being. I just recall not being a fan of the faux-anime aesthetic. This show though, good lord. The characters are annoying, not funny, and the fact the writing staff is incapable of taking criticism that they’ve had to make multiple episodes calling out critics with the tired “It’s for kids” excuse, tells me this crap is not worth it. Why even have Weird Al play Darkseid? That’s not even funny.

Anyway, let’s see how Chris handles this.
“Teen Titans Go? Where are they going, to the bathroom? Ack ack ack! Ack ack ack!” Where’s my drink…
At least Zombie Steve doesn’t approve, delivering a stern “No!” Respect slightly gained.
“Let’s just open this and… Go! Ha!” Don’t laugh at your own jokes Chris.
He shows Robin, says he likes him because he’s the leader and he’s “cool”. Not in this show. Then some more egotism as Steve claims nobody is cooler than him while he wears sunglasses. Nope, can’t deal with it…
He shows Beast Boy, mentions how he’s the funny one, wants him to do something funny. IT’S A TOY! It then falls over and Steve wonders if that’s supposed to be funny. ZS is the voice of reason again and tells him “No”
Then Starfire, Steve calls her cute. She’s like half your age dude.
Oh wait he backspaces on that and says she has cooties. OH MY GOD! Are cooties really still a thing? Chris is showing his age. I guess this is the second clue that Steve is supposed to be a kid? The first was when he said his mom won’t take him to Sausage Party, but honestly I can’t tell. Is Zombie Steve older since he can drive? I’m so confused, your show makes no sense Chris. Why are you so bad at writing?

Then he shows Cyborg, and wonders what he can do. He uses special effects to make him fly. Something he can’t do in the show or the comics or anywhere else. Cyborg doesn’t fly! Some comic book fan you are.
Onto Raven. Or “Waven” as he says it. Are you doing that crap on purpose Chris?
Then a stupid bit where she teleports all over the place. What’s the joke?
Ending on Silkie. A character from the previous series that was given a bigger role here apparently.
Steve calls him little, Silkie acts offended, and then he gets crushed by a bigger Silkie. Enough with the fucking things falling on you! It’s not funny! It’s never funny! It never will be funny!

Then a really fucking stupid bit where Steve tries to ask Starfire on a date. Not enough tables to flip…

Video #20: Teen Titans Go! T-Tower Playset Action Figures Unboxing Review - Puppet Steve

Greaaat, more TTG.

He’s going to look at Titans Tower playset. Steve wants his own Puppet Steve Tower. Even Zombie Steve thinks that’s stupid. More egotism from Steve as he declares himself the coolest. Why the egotism? Just why?
He takes it out, wonders if there’s more, finds pieces, complains about it putting it together. Oh grow up.
He finds the instructions, looks at them upside-down. God damn it, are we doing this joke again? I guess Steve is just retarded as Marty. He also says they’re in “Chinese or something”, and after saying that a gong plays. Top notch stereotyping there Chris.
ZS yells at him that it’s upside-down. So wait, is ZS supposed to be the smart one or the stupid one? You need character consistency Chris! How are you so bad at this?

He puts pieces on the tower, including a rocket launcher. ZS presses it and it fires into Steve. Yarp…
He shows the Cyborg figure it comes with, he doesn’t like the face, and then he & ZS make the same face with “dun dun dun” music, and then he puts him in jail for making the face. Ugggggh this is stupid. What kids can enjoy this? *looks in comments* 11 year old kid that says he enjoys it even though he knows it’s for little kids. YOU ARE A LITTLE KID!
He goes over the parts that move, the trap door that makes sounds, this is the closest one of these videos has come to being a review. Holy shit
Then he brings up that getting the six-pack from the last video is almost a requirement because you only get Cyborg in this playset. Then a stupid bit where ZS somehow doesn’t remember reviewing that.
“We reviewed it yesterday!” Really? *this video posted August 1st* *last video posted July 27th* LIAR! Chris is bad with time again…
Then another cringy as fuck bit where Steve tries to ask Starfire on a date again, and Robin interrupts. Stop it Chris. Just stop it.
Then it ends with ZS somehow setting off the trap door alarm on it and it keeps going. Meh…

Video #21: Ghostbusters Metals Die Cast Action Figures Slimer Unboxing Review Movie

This was the most recent video at the time when I learned about the channel.
So yeah, Ghostbusters. This video was posted about a month after the new movie.

Steve does the “who are you gonna call” bit and Zombie Steve answers “Iron Man?” Back to being the stupid one…
Shows the figures. “They’re not in the new movie, but they’re in the old one” Weird phrasing, you could have just said “from the original”
First he shows Ray. Says he’s cool, and made of metal. ZS tries to eat him but hurts his mouth. Steve laughs at him. I roll my eyes.
Then he shows Egon. “Here’s another great looking figure that looks great all around” Dat redundancy.
He insults Egon, calling him a dork (and yet he’s the smartest member of the team), then calls the Creeper a dork. One’s going to come in and blow up you’re too fucking predictable. Oh what a shock that happened. If kids can see the jokes coming, you’re doing a bad job!

“Next we have Winston Zeddemore, oOoOoO” Why the “oOoOoO”?
Says it’s great… you’re really bad at this “review” thing.
ZS tries to eat one again. My head hurts.
Shows off Peter, which comes with Slimer. Music from the movie starts playing (I smell copyright flag).
He mentions how Peter has green on him because he’s been slimed.
“He’s been slimed by Slimer. I wonder if it’s bad as getting creeped by a Creeper?” Is that what getting blown up is called? Pretty sure that’s just called “getting blown up” Oh and surprise a Creeper blows him up even when he tries the “you wouldn’t hurt a guy with glasses” trick. Somehow Steve has magic powers because the glasses just appear on his face. EFFORT!

There’s also a Stay Puft figure he doesn’t have. So his slave Enderman gets it. I just realized he’s treating a black-colored creature as a slave. Smoooooooth.
“And boy is he one big heavy monstrous figure!” That’s nothing! Come back when you’ve got Fortress Maximus or Metroplex.
“He’s so big that his arms and his head moves around Exorcist style” Exorcist references, for kids! You’re a moron Chris.
“With all these ghosts around there’s only one person to call for help” One person? ZS guesses Batman, but Steve yells at him that it’s the Ghostbusters. The Ghostbusters aren’t one person. I know you want to be a one person Ghostbuster in real life, but you have to accept that ghosts aren’t real Chris. Your book is a sham. Your job at the art center is a sham. Everything about your ghost hunting career is a sham. That’s probably why you never bring it up these days.

The theme starts playing too. Less than 0% chance this can be on a DVD.
Steve brings up the new movie with “girl Ghostbusters”.
“But we don’t need action figures of them, we just need action figures of the guys because guys are cool” This is probably the closest we’ll get to his thoughts on the new movie. Some really weird sexism. I guess…
I think it was more to set up a new character. Puppet Alex. For those unaware, Alex is the other default skin in Minecraft, for female characters.
Something about Alex’s voice is oddly high-pitched… I’m sure it’s a glitch or something.
Steve yells at her that this is a “boy’s show”. Come the fuck on Chris! Don’t do this.
Apparently Zombie Steve let her in. Whatever…

Video #22: LEGO BATMAN, Puppet Steve / Zombie Staring Contest

Steve and ZS have a staring contest. … That’s it.
Then Lego Batman shows up to tell them they don’t have eyelids. You know, puppets are funnier when they’re treated as regular people, and not as puppets. Jokes about how puppets are different from humans aren’t as funny. Bringing up they don’t have eyelids isn’t really a joke.

This was pointless. Why give Lego Batman top billing? Oh right, terrible disgusting click bait. Gawker would love you if they weren’t deader than the WCW.

Video #23: Monster High Minis Series 1 3-Pack Figures Set Unboxing Review Mattel, Puppet Alex

Monster High? *looks it up* I see… It’s a line of girl’s toys from Mattel that feature the teenage daughters of famous movie monsters. Like Frankie Stein, the daughter of the Frankenstein Monster, Cleo de Nile, the daughter of the Mummy, and Draculaura, the daughter of Dracula. Does she have a brother named Alucard?
I got all this briefly looking at Wikipedia. Soooo what’s Chris going to do about this?

So Steve gets angry that he’s looking at Monster High and he can’t review girls toys. Why not?
Then Alex shows up. Her voice is still weirdly hig- … this is a little girl isn’t it? Likely one of Chris’ step-daughters. Oh god, child actors. As if this couldn’t get worse.
So is his step-daughter going to write the script or is Chris still in charge?

She lists some of the figures. Compares one to Elsa from Frozen. You know, I’d feel like a complete asshole if I mock her…
Oh wait, here comes Steve to interrupt. Now I can snark.
Oh, he just compares one of them to Coraline because she has button eyes. Meh…
Alex pulls out a checklist, notes that they also list the rarity. Blue skull = Common, yellow skull = Uncommon, but before she can say red skull = Rare, Steve interrupts to reference Captain America. Alex yells at him. Wow, she’s actually taking this seriously. More than Chris does at least.
She lists some more figures, but then a loud plastic sound overpowers her voice. Should have fixed that up Chris!
More figures. “I think the Ghostly Ghouls are ghosts” Yeah they are sweetie. It’s kind of in their name.
But then Steve interrupts again with Ghostbusters figures. “STEVE LEAVE ME ALONE” Wow, that actually sounded genuine.

Alex gives her final thoughts, her favorites, Steve annoyingly interrupts with the Duck Hunt Dog amiibo, and that’s about it.

… Wow, this is close to being the best video on the channel. We should have more Puppet Alex, Chris’ stepdaughter sounds way more into it than Chris ever does. I mean, she actually sounds like a Monster High fan, where Chris never sounds like a fan of the stuff he’s looked at before. Did she write half the script? At least the parts that weren’t stupid jokes. I imagine that by saying this, I am pissing off Chris to no end since his ego can’t stand being overshadowed. Like whenever I praised the Wise Sage. Admit it Chris, you’re not cut out for acting and writing, stay behind in editing.

Video #24: Ghostbusters Supply Tin (Walmart) Lunchbox/ Pencil Case Slimer Unboxing Back to School Movie

And we’re back to full Puppet Steve. It was fun while it lasted Alex.
More Ghostbusters.
A “back to school” item. Yeah I don’t think parents are watching since they’re the ones that buy “back to school” items. If they were, they would shut this off and tell their kids not to watch this crap.
It’s a tin case. It can either hold pencils or your lunch. Steve puts in a box of sliced ham, some cheese slices, a box of blue cheese, and a massive jar of pimento olives. “That’s a big lunch!” What’s the joke?
“I’ll pack me some marshmallows” As he puts a Stay Puft figure in. … You’re not funny!
ZS packed kidney beans, and Steve complains he’ll be farting. Yawn…

So the tin case comes with codes to get digital downloads of the original movie and the Real Ghostbusters cartoon. Steve tries to download it, but a fake error message appears saying it’s been used. Zombie Steve took the codes. Just use his laptop then. Aren’t you room mates or something? I don’t know…
You can store Ghostbusters figures too or something.
Then Slimer appears. Whatever it’s over.

Well, that’s quite a lot of videos. Looking ahead there’s more Skylanders, DuckTales, more FNAF, another Puppet Alex video (here’s hoping it keeps up), and something with Deathstroke that is just so… so… soooooooooooooo bad.

Friday, September 9, 2016

Apps & Boxes to Fund the Puppets

As Chris releases more "content" over on Puppet Steve, Irate Gamer is getting more and more neglect. Not today though, we saw two videos! And they're both obvious paid promotions.

First video is another app, and it's yet another "download shit to get rewards" app. I can't imagine Chris uses these after making the video, otherwise his phone would be a bugged up mess. He sounds so lifeless when talking about the app, like he's almost realized this is where his career has gone.

Fans HATED the video. A complete dislike majority, with only a tiny amount of likes. You know, I'm convinced. At this point, the Irate Gamer has become nothing more than a shell channel to funnel money into Puppet Steve. Until I hear about a real job that doesn't involve ghosts, I have to imagine that he's paying for all those toys by making all these promo videos. You're going to have address Puppet Steve at one point Chris. You're running out of fans. Then again, you likely don't care, you have new really dumb 7 year old fans that will watch any crap you put out.

EDIT: AHAHAHAHAHA! Looks like Chris couldn't take the heat and comments have been disabled. Going back to old habits now? Well, ratings are still up, and show the majority dislike it. But man, Chris really doesn't care anymore.

Oh and the second video is another Box Wars. Let's get into it. At least he put the timestamps in the description.

Starting with 1Up Box. The theme is speed.
- A shirt of of Pikachu dressed as the Flash, and he's being summoned by an Arcanine, and Pikachu is holding a phone because Pokemon Go. Stupid.
- A light blue Yoshi plushie. *thinks* Well I guess Galaxy 2 he can really fast.
- A Sonic the Hedgehog patch.
- A Flash mini-lanyard.
- And a necklace with the Golden Snitch from Harry Potter. Chris calls it the "Squidditch". Dumbass combined Quidditch with Snitch. Couldn't take five seconds to look that up could you?

Onto Brick Loot. Theme is traveling.
- A Lego Minifig of a Buckingham Palace guard. I'm surprised they got an official Lego product in there.
- A red phone box that doubles as a piggy bank. Lame, call me when it's blue.
- Snapos, don't care...
- A buildable Chicago Water Tower which is apparently exclusive to this.
- And a Mystery Defenders random box, yet he somehow knows he got Green Lantern as he once again claims to be a big fan of it. Why do I have trouble believing that? I know he talks about a lot, but he never sounds sincere.

Next is Loot Crate, which Chris has to remind us once again they're one of the more popular ones. We know! We're not stupid. Theme is anti-heroes.
- A Sterling Archer for President shirt. Is that an upcoming plot line? I kind of figured they would have to deal with Archer being dead and all.
- A Harley-Quinn figure. Quit trying to make her an anti-hero, it's not going to happen.
- Kill Bill socks. ... That is dumb.
- And a ceramic bank of Hellboy's fist. Why?

Doki Doki Box. Let's see how much anime stuff he messes up.
- A Homeroom Bear, which is a bear head that can hold change.
- A pencil pouch with a cat.
- Decorative tape. What is this?
- Stickers. No what is this?
- A notepad
- A pocky shaped pen. Chris calls it a "chocolate treat".
- A kitty keychain.
- And a t-shirt with bears on it.
- He also mentions how there's a booklet that tells you what everything is. Then why didn't you look at that before recording?
What kind of crappy box was this?

Pop in a Box, a service that specializes in Funko Pop fig- OH FUCK YOU! Get that shit out! No more Funko Pop! Burn it all! ... Sorry, if you've ever been to a comic book convention these days, it is wall-to-wall Funko Pop, it is obscene. You can't turn a corner without seeing a wall or a display, they were everywhere! How does Funko have so many licenses? Where are they getting the money?
- First is Blinky from Pac-Man. Why?
- Data from Star Trek: TNG
- Squiddly Diddly, an old ass Hanna Barbara cartoon. Okay now you're just showing off Funko, you have problems.

Geek Fuel is next.
- Some random Looney Tunes box, he got Daffy Duck dressed as the devil.
- A pouch for Pokemon Go players. There's cards for the three teams, but he calls them the gyms. Yeaaah I don't think Chris played Go after he made those initial videos on Puppet Steve. Why bother? No money in it.
- DungeonRift magnets.Who cares?
- A Suicide Squad comic.
- An Optimus Prime t-shirt.

My Geek Box, I'm surprised at how fast he's going through these.
- A Funko Pop figure of Black Widow as seen in Captain America: Civil War. BURN IT ALL!
- A Pokemon t-shirt showing pest control for Weedles.
- A Pikachu keychain.
- Captain America socks. What's with the socks? Who cares about socks? Just get white or black ones like normal people.
- A Mega Man print of Light & Roll looking over an unconscious Rock.

Something called EsianMall, I looked in the description for the spelling. It's mostly food, because of course...
- He lists a lot of the food and barely shows it. You know, Chris sounds really lifeless in this video too. It's like he doesn't want to do this shit anymore.
- Oh, and guess what, there's a fucking Funko Pop figure in it! Suicide Squad Harley Quinn. THAT'S NOT EASTERN!

Another new one called Mythhoard. All tabletop RPGs. None of which Bores will play because he's a phony.
- He lists them, I do not give a fuck. He doesn't even try because he clearly knows nothing.

NerdBlock, which is supposedly well established. Who gives a fuck?!
- A snowglobe of the Eye of Sauron from Lord of the Rings.
- A t-shirt of Jareth the Goblin King from Labyrinth, and once again he says it wrong! "Laber-ninth". Of course there's Linda and another white knight in the comments crying like babies. "WHO CARES? STOP COMPLAINING! PRAISE ONLY! FUCK YOU!" Ugh, you are awful.
- A Simpsons book from Mr. Burns called the "Handbook of World Domination"
- A hanging thing of the Back to the Future time circut board.
- Ghostbusters art.
- The "coolest thing" is new M.U.S.C.L.E. figures only with Masters of the Universe characters. Of you would care you 80's obsessed manchild. "Make sure you check out my I Rate the 80's" Because I'm never going to make another! PLEASE GIVE MONEY!

Onto Bam! Box. Once again no pointless jumpcuts. I think Chris is too tired and possibly apathetic to any of his "ZANY" editing.
- A pin featuring The Mask (the Jim Carrey one)
- A Hannibal Lecter mask. Apparently the theme is villains.
- A small box inspired by the end of Se7en asking "What's in the Box?" and there's a severed head. Chris tries act all scary and it's cringy as fuck.
- A Harley Quinn comic
- A Harley Quinn print "signed" by her. Yeah that's worthless.
- And the "coolest" item is a vinyl record of the Batman: The Killing Joke soundtrack. "How cool is that?!" It's not. You have shit taste.
He knows people have been using his links. Love all them kickbacks huh?
"I just know everyone is going to love it" You don't know anything.

ZBox. I'm starting to notice he says "cool" way too much. Open a thesaurus please.
- A shirt with iconic sci-fi characters.
- A World of Warcraft plushie, and to show how much of a fraud Chris is, he calls it "Worlds" of Warcraft. Come the fuck on!
- A pair of Alien figures with Ripley and the Xenomorph.
- And the "coolest" thing is a Doctor Who Weeping Angel bobblehead. "Very cool" OH god, I can't stop noticing it!

Finally, the ArcadeBlock. The box is shaped like an NES.
- A t-shirt of the Eye of Truth from The Legend of Zelda.
- A random Nintendo minifigure, he got Bowser.
- A USB SNES controller.
- A random FNAF minifigure, he got Foxy.
- And a Tetris mug.

Oh, seems there's another box from ArcadeBlock.
- A t-shirt of Chica from FNAF yelling "Let's Eat!" You know, for being shaped like an NES, there's way too much FNAF
- A Donkey Kong print
- Sonic stickers
- Super Mario ice cube tray. Why? These are so dumb.
- A Legend of Zelda journal.
- A random World of Warcraft minifigure. Looks like he got a higher-tier Orc. Sorry, my knowledge of Warcraft is very limited.
- A Toad air freshener. Oh hey, he didn't do the stupid "boy this really stinks" joke. Progress!
- A Legend of Zelda keychain
- A speaker in the shape of Mega Man's helmet.
- And we end on "the coolest item" with a Street Fighter sushi set.  It reminds him of something he'd get at E3. It's just a plate, with chopsticks. I don't think Capcom would be giving that way. You're such a retard, and I don't care if I'm offending with that word.

Time for the overall.
Fourth is Bam! Box
Third is Loot Crate
Second is NerdBlock
First is ArcadeBlock
More shilling.

I want someone to go through these and cut together all the times he says "cool". I swear, half the video is just that.
I don't know if I want to do anymore Box Wars. If this is the tone he's going for now, it's just so boring. He'll probably keep doing them as long as he gets kickbacks. But now it's clear he so doesn't care. Why care when illiterate kids will throw themselves onto Puppet Steve.

When I find time, I'll keep trucking through Puppet Steve.

EDIT: Oh and he got rid of the Wisdom Tree video. Hope someone saved it.

Saturday, September 3, 2016

Minecraft Puppet Steve Part 2: Who Needs Sense Anyway?

Chris has been a busy guy when it comes to the puppet show. Several videos over the past couple weeks. So much for my “three part plan”.

Apparently Chris REALLY doesn’t want people to know about this channel. According to MacDragard, someone posted about it on one of his Facebook pages, and it was quickly deleted. Someone should inform Chris about the Striesand Effect. Though, I do believe there’s a good reason he hasn’t been open about this. Looking at the comments of recent Irate Gamer videos, most of them are fans pissed off that he’s not providing new content, only paid promotional crap. If they learned this is what he’s been doing instead, they would really be mad.
Not to mention how he claimed on Facebook that “I don’t have the time or money to do more Irate Gamer”. Well, apparently he has the time to put together all these puppet videos, and the money to buy all the toys featured, and several boxes of Cinnamon Toast Crunch (I’ll get to that in a future post). It would be another massive lie Chris told his fans, and there’s only so many lies before it all topples over.

Anyway, time to look at more of these lame videos. That’s really the best word to describe them, lame.

Video #9: Lego Dimensions Ghostbusters Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, Superman, Review Unboxing - Minecraft

Let me just say, Chris has completely undersold how batshit insane Lego Dimensions really is. They make full use of the crossover potential. As an example, to get past some of the Turrets in the Portal 2 level, you summon the talking tree from The Wizard of Oz to take them out. In the Ghostbusters level, you fight General Zod. In the DC Comics level you fight Sauron, and in the endgame you get assistance from GLaDOS, the 12th Doctor, the Ghostbusters, and the ship from Defender. Seriously there’s a whole level dedicated to Midway Arcade games and Chris said NOTHING. The most he addressed was “the two Chris Pratt characters make a joke together derp”. Then again, that’s what happens when you rush to get a review out without actually getting through the game.

He’s going to look at Wave 4 of Lego Dimensions. Where’s Aquaman?
“Wave 4? Wow, somebody’s making a lot of money!” More like they planned this out in advance and steadily released the figures over time. But yes, they are making money, if they weren’t there wouldn’t be a “Year 2” with Adventure Time and Harry Potter.
First he looks at Superman. Says he’s smug and wants to slap him. Have fun with a broken hand.
Superman can fly and use his “X-Ray vision” to destroy enemies. That’s his heat vision you moron! How can you not tell the difference? Some DC fan you are.
The Hover Pod he comes with has a “cool energy attack”. He just bumps into things. Where’s the energy?
Onto Stay Puft. “I suddenly have a craving for some s’mores” *rolls eyes*
He says that since this is the first time Stay Puft has a Lego minifig, he’s going to be hard to find. *checks Amazon* Plenty in stock *checks other stores* Plenty in stock. You have no idea how value & rarity works do you Chris?
You can lay down a “marshmallow smackdown”. “I haven’t seen a smackdown that epic since I came to town” Is there a story behind this joke or are you just being stupidly random again?
Mentions the Terror Dog that comes with it.
Oh, there’s Aquaman. “I hope he doesn’t throw a dolphin at me!” Uggggh… Wait, no mention of the Aqua Watercraft he comes with? I suspect he didn’t actually buy the set itself, but used a pre-existing Aquaman mini-fig as the base he’s on actually belongs to Chell from Portal (according to one of the comments). There is footage, but that could easily be taken from another channel.

Finally onto the Midway Arcade Level Pack, which comes with Gamer Kid.
“What the heck is a Gamer Kid?!” … How am I supposed to respond to that? How do you not get such obvious stuff? This is “what the fuck is a muscle?” all over again. Perhaps he’s trying to pretend he doesn’t get it in case people find out he’s the Irate Gamer. OOPS!
He mentions how he’s a strong character because he has four powers and that’s more than Superman. Okay, neither is remotely true. Gamer Kid has five powers, super strength, invincibility, invisibility, super speed, and laser/heat vision (the last of which Bores neglects to mention). Superman has seven powers, flight, diving underwater, invincibility, super strength, freeze breath, laser/heat vision, and x-ray vision (yes, they do different things). The difference is that Gamer Kid can only use one for a limited amount of time. Superman is Superman. Do you not actually play the game at all? I mean, some of the footage has to be yours, but it feels like you don’t pay attention.

After he mentions Gamer Kid’s super speed, he says they don’t need the Flash anymore and swats away a Flash minifig. He wasn’t even part of the game.
“Of course with this new level pack, we get a new level to play” Yep, it’s Chris alright. Dat redundancy.
He mentions that it comes with Spy Hunter, which does nothing. Maybe if you tried upgrading it? Then the Arcade cabinet which plays Midway titles like Paperboy and Spy Hunter, and Steve says he sucks at the game. Wow, that’s more self-awareness than the Irate Gamer ever had. Maybe if you had that, more people would actually like that show. Too bad you chose terrible Family Guy pandering instead.

The video concludes with Steve complaining that he’s not in the game even though there‘s already Lego Minecraft sets. Why does Chris write Steve to be so fucking egotistical? It’s not an endearing character trait. Nobody likes to hear “me me me me!” all the damn time.
“I’m the coolest out of all of them!” How do kids like this?
Then Lego Flash appears and asks if he‘s cool. So he’s not pissed that Steve swatted him off the table? Whatever, stupid appearance is stupid.

Sorry for all the text, I’ve gotten into the game thanks to several deals and it’s loaded with content. Chris being the phony that he is, barely dedicated time to exploring the Adventure Worlds or even bothering to beat the game. Hell, most of the footage was in the same spot in the fifth level. I suspect the Aquaman footage wasn’t his because that was in an Adventure World.

Video #10: Amiibo Unboxing - Ryu & Famicom Colors ROB Figures Puppet Steve Review

Been a while since amiibo was talked about. Can’t even access amiibo Informer anymore. Ha!
Short video, only 1:30.

Starts with a bunch of amiibo on his table. “As you can see I have tons of these things” That’s barely anything. Where’s the Animal Crossing? The Splatoon? The other Super Mario set (besides Luigi since you’re so averse to the Smash Bros version for some reason)? The 8-Bit Marios? The amiibolanders?
He lists off some of his favorites, ending on Mr. Game & Watch, but instead calls him “that guy that looks like Enderman’s cousin”. What happened to “Mr. G&W is my favorite Smash Bros character”? Sounds like it was bullshit all along. That’s what happens when you cover the same subject matter as two different “characters”, the lies become easier to spot.
“Two more that were just released” Three weeks before this video was uploaded. Even here Chris covers things way later than usual.
Mispronounces Ryu. Uggggggh. The other is R.O.B. Famicom Colors
Starts with Ryu. The way he phrases “downloadable content” is so weird. “He’s part of the expansion characters you had to download” This reads like Google Translate.
“And the bonus is that he’s from Street Fighter!” How is that a bonus?
Then he poses it next to the Captain Falcon amiibo as he plays The Final Countdown. Hope you’re not planning a DVD Chris! Actually, I don’t think he can with this series. He doesn’t own the character of Steve. As unoriginal as that was, at least he owns the Irate Gamer. I’d love to see him try though. If Saban didn’t bother with him, Microsoft certainly will.

Onto Fami R.O.B.
“Making it an all new character” Uhhh no. Same character, same in-game uses. Just like Mega Man and Golden Mega Man.
“Just look at those color differences, I think I’ve gone color blind” No you haven’t. That’s not even how color-blindness works. You’re not funny.
So that’s it. No mention of in-game uses. What about Roy? He came out the same day. What about Animal Crossing Wave 3? Oh wait, “not important enough” I’m guessing.

Then a stupid bit where he tries to get Ryu to fight his Ender Dragon figure, only to get blown up. He calls him a wuss. Yeah, look up all the different characters Ryu has fought then call him that.
R.O.B. tries and gets blown up. He calls him a pansy. This is retarded.
Then he puts down a Steve figure and shock of shocks Steve wins. Holy shit the egotism is actually painful. I don’t get it!

Video #11: Zootopia Crazy Movie Review - Puppet Steve Minecraft

This was one of the videos I looked through when discovering his channel. Not going to be fun to rewatch it. These “crazy” reviews are among the worst videos he produces.

First a look at the description.
“Zootopia is the movie being reviewed this time.” This time? This is the only movie you’ve reviewed. A trailer reaction doesn’t count. Chris, did you mix up Irate Gamer and Puppet Steve?
“Puppet Steve talks about his experience at the movie and his role with the Fox and Rabbit the only way Puppet Steve can!” His role? What?

Steve is joined by Zombie Steve. “The new movie Zootopia” Hold on *video posted April 9th 2016* *Zootopia came out in the US March 4th 2016* God damn it Chris, more lateness.
Starts out talking about how Judy Hopps wants to be a police officer (doesn’t mention her by name) but is told she can’t because she’s “not big enough”. It’s more that rabbits are seen as cute and harmless, and not cut out to be police officers.
Then he claims they reject her because they have “the coolest police officer”, Puppet Steve. And already with the egotistical fuckery. Your stupid puppet wasn’t in the movie Chris!
ZS bluntly tells him “No!” I’m starting to like you Zombie Steve, you’re not a complete idiot.
The other officers “mock her”. Less that and more she’s not taken seriously and put on parking duty, despite being the academy valedictorian. “Poor little bunny rabbit” *Minecraft rabbit from video #6 appears* “Not that kind of a bunny rabbit!” *rolls eyes*
“She meets this cunning fox!” What’s his name? Nick Wilde! How is it hard to learn the character’s names Chris?

Then another “Puppet Steve is in the movie” joke. Ugh… At least ZS tells him “No!’ again.
“The Fox and the Rabbit” Me too stupid to listen to movie or look up movie after seeing it!
“… which ends up leading them all around town and into the clutches of some evil henchmen” That’s not quite how it went. The Godfather scene (which Chris is showing) connects to an earlier scene where Judy saved Mr. Big’s daughter, and they were given hints on where to go next. They never really get captured after that. Did you pay attention?
Another “Puppet Steve is in the movie” joke. The video is barely 3 minutes long yet somehow Chris found a way to pad it out!
Steve describes the plot in the most generic way, saying how they go all over and there’s twists and turns. I’m convinced Chris didn’t actually see the movie.
And then another GOD DAMN “PUPPET STEVE IS IN THE MOVIE” JOKE! Holy fuck, it wasn’t funny the first time why would it be funny four times?!
ZS tries to tell him “No” again, but Steve just hits him off screen. Yep, more sociopath Bores.
“Puppet Steve ends up chasing the bad guy” No. Also, the image shown is not the bad guy. It’s just Judy and Nick next to a fence.
“Everybody dies” It’s a DISNEY MOVIE! Why would that happen?! What is wrong with you?!
“The bad guy turns out to be the evil Enderman!” … Were you dropped on your head as a kid? Where’s the joke? What am I supposed to be laughing at? Am I too old?
He calls the Enderman a jerk, and his Enderman puppet appears scaring Steve into saying he’s “awesome”. Why is he even here?

Steve claims the moral is that you can grow up to be anything you want. Welp, I’m convinced. Chris didn’t even see the movie. Otherwise he would know it’s about not judging people based on stereotypes or how they look. It’s a message about racism! Something this country desperately needs. Why would you make this video if you didn’t even see the movie? It’s not like he wanted those big “it’s fresh in everyone’s mind” views, this video came out a month after the movie did!
Also, I just noticed but there’s a laugh track in the video. It’s like Chris saw what he made, realized how terrible it was, but put “so much work” into it that he still uploaded it, and put the laugh track in the hopes some stupid 7 year old kid would laugh.

Video #12: LEGO Dimensions Slimer Ghostbusters Action Figure Unboxing Review Puppet Steve Minecraft

Man, that title is still an awful word salad.
This was his most popular video when I discovered the channel, but that’s been beaten by an upcoming video.

This starts with a short intro leading into the reveal that it’s now called “The Puppet Steve Show” instead of “The Minecraft Puppets Show”. I guess Steve’s ego took over the show title.

As the title indicates, he’s going to look at the Slimer Fun Pack for Dimensions. No Bane or Lloyd from Ninjago? Those guys made the fifth wave. If you’re going to cover this series, put more effort into it.
Zombie Steve is there, he says “green”. Joke?
“Zombie Steve’s a little slow” But he was smart enough to pick up on your bullshit in the last video.
“Oh man just look at all these pieces” There’s barely any! This isn’t the Starter Pack, or a $150 Lego set.
He puts it together, then animated the Slimer minifig’s mouth because… reasons.
He shows the Slime Shooter, and he’s weirdly overemphasizing his words. Not sure what he’s trying to go for.
He takes out the Peter Venkman and Stay Puft figures. Zombie Steve then eats his Stay Puft and Venkman minifigs, prompting Steve to hit him. At least the violence was justified this time.
“Slimer is a powerhouse that can destroy his enemies with his ghostly ways” All the characters destroy enemies the same way. It’s more about the way he can solve puzzles and collect items.
He then shows that he can fly and “eat a lot”. That eating his “hazard clean up” ability. He can also use a hot dog as a boomerang (similar to Batman in-game), dive underwater, smash glass with sonar, light up dark spots, and get into small areas. He has a shocking amount of powers actually. Shame you can’t play for more than 5 minutes to figure that out.

Then the video ends with the Slimer figure turning intangible, ZS appearing and phasing through Steve, and then Steve screaming that there’s ghosts while images of the Slimer figure pop up all over. Well that stupid. At least it was short.

Video #13: McDonalds 2016 Happy Meal Toys Skylanders SuperChargers 6 cars Review - Puppet Steve

I still don’t understand why he would do this. Skylanders sure but why the Happy Meal toys? They’re useless pieces of plastic! At least when SpeedRacerFlubber did it, it was clearly ironic.

Open on a stupid Zombie Steve joke, then he wants to eat McDonalds because the Happy Meal box is in front of them.
“You can’t eat these, these are toys!” Then why are they in the box that usually serves the food with the toys?
Shows the first toy, ZS says “Zoom” to try and make it move on its own, Steve laughs at him, then he says it a second time and it does move. Somehow this constitutes a joke.
Shows the second, ZS says “Zoom” again to make it move.
The third toy, ZS tries to say but gets interrupted by Steve, he tries it but nothing, then ZS makes it move. What’s the point of this video?
Then Chris somehow forgets to count and goes to the “fifth toy”. Was there a missing scene or something?
Anyway since it’s an aquatic-based vehicle, Steve laughs at ZS saying he can’t get it to “Zoom”. ZS just says “Water” and the entire room fills up with water. Just because zombies are created by magic in some stories, doesn’t make zombies magical themselves.
Oh, now we get the fourth toy. Did Chris mess up on the timeline? I’m amazed he did  editing professionally at one point, that’s an amateur mistake.
Steve freaks out because it’s another aquatic-based vehicle as ZS makes water appear again. This is so redundant.
Sixth and final toy is a jet. Steve mocks ZS on how he can get it to move. He’s going to say “Fly” isn’t he? Yep, he did, and it flew. What was this?
Video over.

That was just the same joke over and over again! What the fuck? Who is this for? I know it’s for kids, but how old? There’s different levels of kids entertainment. You’ve got your stuff on Nick Jr. and PBS, you’ve got your Nickelodeon, you’ve got your Cartoon Network, you’ve got your Marvel Cinematic Universe, what level of kids is this targeting?

Video #14: Five Nights at Freddy's Collectable FUNKO Vinyl Figures set 1, 2 unboxing Review - Puppet Steve

Onto the most popular video on the Minecraft Puppet Steve channel (in that it has the most views). I do know that kids love FNAF, it’s how MatPat managed to get enough clout to meet the Pope, and completely embarrasses himself to the world.

Anyway, two boxes with four figures each.
“Five nights? Heh, I only need one!” … What does that mean? You do know why it’s called Five Nights right Chris?
Zombie Steve starts freaking out, yelling “evil evil!” Odd that the zombie is saying that when usually someone would be calling him “evil”
Steve calls ZS a “drama queen”. Kids deserve better than this…
“There are two sets to collect in all. Set one and set two!” Oh come on! Even your intended audience can count to two! How stupid do you think people are?!

First he looks at Chica holding the Cupcake. Or “Mr. Cupcake” as he calls him. He’s wrong by the way, the Cupcake doesn’t have a name.
“He isn’t scary looking, he’s actually kind of cute” I’m sorry, he? Did you just refer to Chica as a guy? Big sign that Chris knows nothing about FNAF. Chica’s a girl. Couldn’t you do ANY research before this Chris? Also, that’s cute? Very twisted idea of “cute”. Then again, the mountains of fan art show people think similarly…
Her eyes glow red because cliché, ZS starts shouting “evil evil!” again (why do I have the urge to watch Spongebob now). So Chica jump scares him right? No a safe falls on Steve. … What?

Apparently it knocks him out for the an entire day as we get a title card saying “Day 2”.
He looks at Foxy, mentions he has a hook on his hand. Hate the way he says “creepy”
Then onto Golden Freddy. “That’s a Golden Freddy? Well he doesn’t look so tough to me!” I’m sorry, what’s this supposed to refer to? This line makes no sense.
Golden Freddy’s eyes glow, ZS says “careful” instead, and Steve gets hit by a flying rock. Where are the jump scares?

Day 3. I’m starting to sense a pattern. He keeps referring to them as “technical difficulties”. He tries to show the Bare Endoskeleton but can’t get it to stand up, and it’s arm falls off. Not sure if intentional or shoddy plastic. Would be nice to clarify that for the audience Chris!
He starts on the second box, starting with Freddy. Eyes glow, ZS freaks out, Steve does the cliché “what’s going to happen, am I going to burst into flames?” And he does… Not really a jump scare. It’s looking more and more like Chris knows absolutely nothing about this series. Such a phony.

Day 4. “I can’t believe it’s taken four days already to review these things” Ooooh now I get that “I can do it one” line. It’s still stupid and it shows Chris doesn’t know why it’s called “Five Nights”. Parents, keep your kids away from this. I can’t stress this enough.
He shows off Bonnie, knocks him off the table. Shows off Springtrap, then knocks him off the table. Then onto the last figure, Balloon Boy. Glowing eyes, then it starts flying into the air, and somehow drops safes on Steve and ZS. Review over? Nope, somehow there’s a Day 5. But he looked at all eight figures!

“I can’t believe it took us five days to review all these figures!” But it didn’t, and even then you can barely call this a review. You just showed off the figures and said nothing about them. You’re lazy! You can’t write!
Then the video ends with all eight of them glowing and they explode.

Yeah, this video does nothing but show that Chris couldn’t even bother to do proper research on FNAF. Instead of attacking him with jump scares, they do stupid shit like drop safes on his head or throw rocks or explode. That makes no sense! How are so bad at this Chris? Kids deserve better!

Video #15: Secret Life of Pets Movie Film Action Figures Gift Set Target Pack Review

This post got shockingly long so this is the last video for now.
I haven’t seen The Secret Life of Pets and have no intention of seeing it, but I’m sure Chris will somehow get things wrong about it.

Big box of figures, apparently Target exclusive. ZS wants to eat the pets. Steve tells him you don’t eat pets, you play with them. That and you take care of them, feed them, clean up after them, respect them, take them out on walks if they’re dogs, there’s a lot to pet ownership.
He starts with Max (the main protagonist), he tries telling it do tricks but it stays still. It’s an inanimate object, it’s not going to do any of that! He then uses stop-motion to demonstrate that its neck can move. See, this is why you fail as a reviewer, even when hiding behind a puppet. Instead of using your hands to demonstrate its neck can move, you waste time on stop-motion. That’s a waste of effort!
After showing he has a dog bowl, ZS starts yelling “eat eat” and eats the figure. Starting not to like you again ZS.

Then he shows off Duke, also won’t do tricks, then uses stop motion to show he can move his neck too. Again, just use your hands! Then he does a fart joke. Well, at least it’s appropriate for the audience he wants.
Then he shows Sweetpea (a budgie), it cuts to a close-up of Steve, then cuts to a wide show to show ZS has eaten the figure. There’s a “dun dun dun”, Steve yells at ZS and the figure falls out of his mouth. I’m bored…
Then he shows Norman, who he calls a hamster. Actually reading the Wikipedia page, Norman’s a guinea pig. There’s a difference if you ever walk into a pet store.
He asks if he can turn his head, he does but then there’s “snap” and the screen turns red. Wow, that was shockingly violent. “I think he killed himself” KIDS SHOW! Then another fart joke. Well if he’s dead, then he voided his bowels. Just saying.
But then he calls the Enderman to get rid of it. Ugh, that’s so stupid. It’s like “I’m still Minecraft related, look I’ve got Enderman!” It’s almost like this channel’s equivalent of his “I’m a gamer guys, really” moments.

Then Mel, he tries to make him do tricks, but again it’s a fucking inanimate action figure with little to no articulation! This is so dumb. Then Mel makes Sweetpea’s stand appear under him. Whatever…
Then he shows Gidget. Which somehow does tricks… what makes this different? This video doesn’t make sense.
Then a Creeper appears because fuck you, it blows up, it supposedly “kills” Gidget IT’S A TOY! This isn’t the end of Toy Story 3!

That’s all the figures. He wonders where Snowball the rabbit is, then calls Enderman to bring him one. So he’s a slave now? Just like the X-Men…
He calls him cute, but doesn’t like the look on his face, ZS screams “evil evil” again, Steve asks if he’s going to multiply, and using the duplication tool in his editing software, he makes it multiply. Uggggggh dumb dumb dumb dumb.

These videos are just insulting. There’s no educational value to them, it’s all random-access garbage. There’s little constituting a review. It’s just Chris doing random crap while pretending to be a puppet. What does Chris even want? What is his goal?

Looking ahead, we’ve got Pokemon Go, Teen Titans Go, Ghostbusters, and Monster High. Hopefully it won’t take too long to type all that up. Unless Chris posts something new over on Irate Gamer. *checks* Nope, nothing since that latest "give me referrals" scam. He really hates his fans.