Friday, June 17, 2016

A Post-E3 App Shill

Another E3 has come and gone. A year of reinvention. Zelda is massively reinventing itself while at the same time going back to its roots. God of War and Resident Evil are seeing major changes. VR is trying to make it in a big way (we'll see). Shitty journalists are channeling the spirit of Jack Thompson's career to demonize the industry because of poor timing (it wasn't the industry's fault some bigoted asshole gunned down over 100 people in Orlando, they can't turn the show off you morons!) But what does Bores have to say about the event? ... NOTHING!

Instead, he posted yet another short video where he shills a phone app. Some dungeon-crawling RPG, I don't care. Dislikes are adding up as this is yet another poor video where he cares more about getting paid than entertaining people. It just gets sadder and sadder...
I love the one comment that's crying about dislikes still existing. Welcome to reality kid, dislikes happen. Not everything is going be universally loved.

We'll probably hear what Chris thought of E3 next week. My predictions? More Skylanders gushing (probably try to act like a Crash Bandicoot fan even though it's clear he knows nothing), bashing Breath of the Wild because it's not gritty like God of War, either praise the fuck out of God of War or pan it because it's "different", bring up how VR is the "way of the future", South Park The Fractured But Whole will be heavily praised, and then some stupid out of nowhere thing similar to Star Wars Kinect. That's my guess at least.

On another note, do not expect Bores to show up on Hardcore Pawn. In fact, do not expect Hardcore Pawn to have new episodes. Though not official, it's likely the show is dead. One of the stars left the shop to start her own eCommerce business at home. Bores probably should have waited for the actual episode to air before bragging about his appearance on his site and in his book. Congratulations Bores, your non-appearance is now immortalized in your dumb book, shattering any credibility you tried to build. Even then I doubt he actually appeared in an episode, he could have just visited the shop and got his picture with Les Gold (the owner). Unlike the Pawn Stars, they probably still do work there.

81 comments:

  1. Did he cover E3 last year? My guess is since he read an article about E3 being dead he will use that as an excuse to not cover it at all. Maybe a mention of CrashLanders if he still hasn't forget how much he use to (pretend?) to like that bullshit.

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    1. Before last year he went to E3 every year. Last year he didn't go (I'm assuming GotGame kicked him off the site). Correct me if I'm wrong but I think he did a live reaction.

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    2. He didn't go last year, but made two videos. One about Skylanders & amiibo (and the collab with Nintendo) and his Top 5 E3 picks (which he's since deleted for reasons unknown).

      Going by the new video, he didn't go again this year. GotGame likely rejected him again.

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    3. Despite what Chris may claim, I'm seriously willing to believe that GotGame severed ties with him. They haven't given him any new games or consoles in over a year, maybe two, and this is the second year where he failed to attend E3.
      As for how Bores is still listed as a contributor, perhaps the site simply forgot to remove him in that regard.

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    4. awwww he shouldn't have deleted that top 5 E3 (or any of the others [or maybe he should just delete his whole channel]), wasn't that the one were he picked completely irelivant/irreverent games? Guess I will have dig for the recap here!

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    5. *where i spilled something on my keyboard

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    6. His list from last year:
      Super Mario Maker
      Nintendo characters in Skylanders
      Cuphead
      South Park: The Fractured But Whole
      Final Fantasy VII Remake

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    7. Johnny On The Spot with E3 list

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  2. There's so much other stuff to talk about like The Orlando Shooting, the kid that got eaten by an alligator, E3, the new Zelda game, the new Mario Party game and instead he talks about an app. These videos are even worse than his skylanders videos.

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    1. I agree. The new Zelda game looks really good. I like how Aonuma is taking the series back to its roots and making the newest title feature an expansive, open world that is free to explore however the player wants to. It seems like a nice path to take, especially considering how linear and straightforward Skyward Sword was (I still like that game, though).
      As for the new Mario Party game, it's a relief that they finally got rid of the party bus system from Mario Party 9 and 10, but I am not sure how to feel about the game after watching a brief trailer about it. I feel that the series went severely downhill after Hudson Soft. was killed. Whatever happens, I just hope this series doesn't go the same way that Paper Mario is heading in.

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    2. Especially since I think Mario Party 1-3 are masterpieces. I'm not a fan of 4 and I hate 5. I like 7 but I hate 9-10. One thing I don't understand is that MP8 gets hated on because of a lack of originality and people hate on 9 because it has an original concept.

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    3. I didn't follow E3, but there's a new Mario Party? And it got rid of that bus? Maybe now it won't be so reliant on luck.

      But anyway, I actually like Mario Party 7-8 as well (I also have DS). I actually like that 8 tries different control schemes.

      And that originality claim? This has more to do with Nintendo than the fans, but I still don't like that Miyamoto made Sticker Star different because it was originally "too similar" to TTY. And yet the New Super Mario Brothers games are perfectly fine?
      o_o

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    4. I think Miyamoto changed Paper Mario when Sticker Star came out due to how the company already had a RPG with the Mario & Luigi series, in addition to not wanting it to be too similar to TTYD, and possibly didn't want two RPGs to coexist alongside each other. I could be wrong; please correct me if I am.
      Nonetheless, Bill Trinen defining Color Splash as an "action-adventure" game back in the March Nintendo Direct was a bad move to make and the resulting outrage from fans was rightfully encouraged in my opinion, and I'm not a huge Paper Mario fan (I haven't played a single title besides TTYD).

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    6. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    7. The are NOT ports. Sticker Star a portable version of Paper Mario using stickers, The New Super Mario Bro Wii and The New Super Mario for DS are two different games. The Wii version is harder while the Ds version is easy. Color Splash use a cards that was reusable unlike the stickers. Star Fox Zero is a reimagining, using the StarFox 2 concepts.

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  3. I think that's exactly what happened. He went and visited American Jewelry and Loan in Detroit and got to meet Les Gold, which probably isn't hard to do because just like when Jimmy Hart ran the Hogan's Beach restaurant in Tampa, he probably meets with thousands of fans and gets pictures every day. I think what happened was upon entry he signed a waiver stating he may actually be on television, just like everyone who visits the store and they just might have been filming that day. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think Bores ever mentioned if he pawned anything off or not. At least I don't remember him doing so. If he did, there were probably thousands of others who did so and only a handful of people filmed ever make it into the actual episodes. Therefore, even if the show was continuing, there was never any guarantee he was going to be on it.

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    1. To add on to that, Hardcore Pawn obviously likes to focus on the ghetto/trashy customers who flip out because they can't sell their fake plastic jewelry for $2,000 and have to be escorted out (sometimes by force) by the security guys for ratings and entertainment, and I'm pretty sure Chris didn't have that kind of encounter in the store. I don't see him being the type of person who goes crazy in public, and he would have been really bad at acting it if it was staged.

      Anyways, call me crazy, but I'm actually going back and watching the episodes. I'm hooked now, lol.

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    2. I believe somewhere, Chris mentioned selling (or trying to sell) AJL the "Ovilus," a costly piece of ghost-hunting equipment:

      http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Ovilus

      Hardcore Pawn's producers look for wacky angles when casting their "reality" show (people with horrible manners or in a goofy costume are common), and I can see them saying "let's give the ghost hunter a shot, he might be a hoot." I would not be shocked at all if they did tape Chris' pitch, but instead of coming off as "crazy" in a ghost-hunting way, he just said "um" and "you know" a lot. Something they would have reacted better to would be a disheveled wild-eyed character who insists there are ghosts all through the store, giving the show's stars something big to react to.

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    3. You actually cited *RationalWiki* as a source?

      I'm sorry. I can't take a supposed educational resource seriously when the samples I've read sound like they were written by an angry madman.

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    4. What are you supposed to "cite" for an explanation of ghost hunting equipment?

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    5. I believe ghost hunting to be futile crap just like you all, but anything on RW is garbage written by angsty 14-year-olds.

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    6. Anything you take exception to on the Ovilus page, RWB?

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  4. Moviebob and Jonathan McIntosh (Anita Sarkeesian's ex-partner-in-crime) also criticized shooters in the wake of the Orlando massacre. Yech.

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    1. They said they're not Jack Thompson, yet they go ahead and do the same bullshit he did. (demonizing gamers and the industry and trying to find links connecting the shooting to violent video games where none exist.)

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    2. What else is to be expected? Anita has publicly stated in the past that she does not play games, but merely critiques them. As a result, she knows jack s**t about them and does nothing but create drama by grasping at straws. Why should her former partners be any different?
      Also, it's ridiculous how people try and link reality shootings to violent video games. There have been multiple studies, one that spanned an entire decade, confirming that video games don't cause violence, yet people never seem to listen to these pieces of factual evidence.

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    3. She needs to watch the Penn & Teller Bullshit episode on Video Game Violence

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    4. Maybe someday we will see games that educate us on what to do in a situation in which some sick crazy fuck has a gun

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    5. I am fucking sick of Chipman and McIntosh taking every opportunity to shit on others to make themselves look "superior" and "enlightened". They can both fuck off.

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  5. "Welcome to reality kid, dislikes happen. Not everything is going be universally loved."

    Apparently, this line of thought failed to puncture through to the minds of white knights who came to Polygon's defense following the terrible Doom gameplay video the site posted. I think ReviewTechUSA, in his response video, said it best:
    "You want to put your s**t out there, people are going to have opinions on it. [If] you don't like it, too f**king bad."

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    1. What about when Polygon lost all credibility by refusing to finish Star Fox Zero for their "review" of it? Did the "knights" defend them there?
      ^-^

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    2. Not to my knowledge. Then again, I haven't seen their review of Star Fox Zero yet.
      Basically, the white knights were calling out "Gamergaters" for disliking Polygon's Doom video, claiming that they didn't like it solely because the person playing the game sucked and, in the end, wanted gaming to remain a niche hobby for only hardcore gamers to enjoy.
      If you think that reasoning sounds insane, that's because it is.
      The main reason people were upset with the Doom video is not because of how bad the person playing the game sucked, but due to how, if this person is not good at the game and just so happens to also being reviewing it, how could they give it a fair and proper review if they don't understand first-person shooter mechanics?

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  6. Also, I hope that Bores, under his LadyBuggin777 account, doesn't try to demonize BatDan again and try and compare him to Omar Mateen, similar to the comparison "she" made last October following the shooting at Umpqua Community College in Oregon.

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    1. Surprisingly, she didn't do that when the shootings in Colorado Springs and San Bernardino happened last year...

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  7. Replies
    1. I love how he acts like a gum around since the '40's was only popular in the '80's. No kids in the '60's or '70's didn't care about anything at all. Numbering the comics was a case of trying to get on the collectors speculation boom that started in the late '80's and got big in the '90's. I'm sorry Bores your complete set of mini comics aren't going to be worth jack.

      Bores appears to be more and more a completionist-style collected with each one of these. I notice he's got a Cobra Hiss, which is one of the most common Cobra vehicles so isn't something really worth bragging about. Those are only worth anything if in complete undamaged condition(some part of the turret usually gets damaged when the toy was played with) which is actually hard to come by so I might concede that is what he's bragging about by constantly showing it off.

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  8. In the wake of the shootings, I just want to send my condolences to the people that died for nothing.

    That being said, it's disgusting that journalists and the media alike cast the video games in a bad light. Never mind the fact that the killer might have a few screws loose; never mind the fact that he or she might not even played games before and was naturally violent due to many other factors (environment, abusive parent, or just plain psychotic). You have a bad day? Nothing logical? Just blame video games.

    They should just stick to what they're good at reporting. Why delve into a different topic when you have zero knowledge of it?

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  9. Replies
    1. Goodbye to the Alternate Reality Chekov. He was one of my favorite parts of those new Star Trek movies; and I'm definitely looking forward to Beyond (it's even going to be dedicated to his memory in light of the news of his passing).

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  10. OK, off-topic, but I have to ask: why do people give JonTron a pass? I just watched his new video and he has devolved IMMENSELY. Sure, he’s always had wacky skits, and the review portions were in character, but he used to actually provide information and his honest thoughts on the games he was looking at. (His Bubsy retrospective is still a shining example of how to balance randomness and jokes with informative content. ) Now he’s more like Smosh than the average caustic reviewer. The, erm, ‘reviews’ in his latest Disney ripoffs video last literally SECONDS (except for that one Lion King game) and the focus seems to be on pointless skits aimed at 12-year-olds. I had already not liked the last ‘new’ JonTron video I’d watched, but this one was even worse. If that was Bores, we’d be (rightfully) bashing the shit out of him.

    (Oh, and lampshading criticism does not make it funny, Jon.)

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    1. This also seemed to apply to his food reviews part 1, in which he barely touched upon the games to just focus on skits where he insanely eats the product they were advertising (and those weren't even funny).

      I guess he forgot what "reviewing" actually means! If you want an example of a great reviewer, try SomeCallMeJohnny! He's VERY informative and always gives a thorough analysis, but he can also be very funny (just look at how he finishes his review of the first Ecco the Dolphin).
      ^-^

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    2. That was the other one I was referring to which was also bad. This one was somehow even worse, though. Not sure if it's a case of Not The Target Audience (anymore) or if Jon really is sucking that bad now.

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    3. or what about Caddicarus, he's pretty mcu similar to the old jontron videos only british

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    4. So "Disney Bootlegs" gets the Slaughter! *PAN*
      ^-^

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    5. Jontron is funny 90% of the time and that's the difference, where Bores was never funny.

      I do agree that the videos where he reviews multiple games are the weakest, but he's basically trying to show his audience how bizarre the games are and that's it. For bootleg games especially, it's hard to actually "review" them because you'd basically just say "the controls are bad" or "it's glitchy" over and over again.

      I think Jon has been on-point with his movie reviews. I loved The Skateboard Kid.

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    6. I kind of have to agree with Daniel
      When you review bootlegs you really don't need to point out that the games are glitchy or clunky
      Unless the thing your reviewing isn't super weird. Projared reviewed a knockoff Wii or if they are special bad, rerez's reviews of the Wireless 60 and the Wireless 60 air

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    7. Well, comparing Projared's and Rerez's reviews to Jontron's is a bit ridiculous. The knockoff consoles had a plethora of games, but yeah, most didn't have much to say. But when there was something dumb (like, in Projared's case, getting hit when he wasn't even near), then there was stuff to say.

      But thinking again, Jontron did the best he could. Those pirated games always follow the same formula anyway: bad controls, bad music, bad level design, etc. So I can actually forgive him for not saying much.

      So "Disney Bootlegs" DOESN'T get the Slaughter. *NAP*
      ^-^

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  11. In his Dragon Encounter review, he says the narration (Shouldn't it be audio? He doesn't know the meaning of narration, does he?) is in Japanese. *Listens to the characters speaking* Chris, you dumbass. IT'S KOREAN!

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    1. Reminds me of that time when Chris showed a picture of the Forbidden City in China when he meant to refer to Japan.

      Sheer ignorance. I bet if you showed him a unmarked map of the world he wouldn't even where to point to Japan.

      I'm starting to think Chris was home-schooled his whole life.

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    2. I bet he wouldn't even know what the flag of Japan looks like, too...

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    3. @Andrew

      ".....while over in Japan....."

      *Chris shows flag of South Korea*

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    4. You would hope that one of the simplest flags for a nation would not be something he would not know.

      The flag of Japan is very easy to remember. The only thing that could be remotely confusing to someone might be if the 'sunburst' version of the flag was shown them.

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    5. He probably thinks all of Asia, its culture and its language are only revolve around Japan.

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    6. A lot of people were homeschooled, Phantom. It doesn't make people stupid. I'm sure Brazil does better with its public schools, though. :/

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    7. @Radio

      Well, I was thinking more along the notion that Mommy Buggin home-schooled Chris all on her own.

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  12. I just saw Finding Dory. I liked it, but there's one thing that really bothered me about it. *Spoiler Warning* Hank's back story is never explained. I have a feeling that the lack of explanation is a set-up for another sequel.

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    1. I like the movie too. I'm glad it's not horrible like Cars 2. But I think Pixar needs to stop making sequels and make more original stories rather than continuations of previous stories.

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    2. Good movie, definitely much more Toy Story 3 than Cars 2 in terms of Pixar sequels. The animation is great; and it was full of humor and genuinely had me in tears in many points. I also noticed it was a bit darker than the original in terms of how it dealt with isolation and parental abandonment.

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  13. Replies
    1. I actually didn't. When I first saw the Kickstarter in 2013, I thought that it looked okay, but I'd wait for the game to come out before deciding whether to buy it. I never back games on Kickstarter for the same reason I never preorder games: I don't want to buy a game without knowing for sure if it's going to be good first.

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    2. Well, I bought it yesterday, but I never backed it.
      ^-^

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    3. I didn't back it; but I'm considering renting it in light of how it's a bit of a letdown. I definitely want to decide for myself about the whole thing; but I'm definitely not buying it at list price anymore.

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    4. I preordered it, but Steam is glitching so I can't download it •_•

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    5. In all fairness, though, while it might not be what everyone wanted, while it may suffer from framerate drops (especially when Bat's weapon hits a lot of things), Mighty no 9 is by no means a bad game. I actually like it!
      ^-^

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  14. new video

    YET another shitty phone app

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  15. so according to not-chris'mom he's officially semi retired, that's why he's taking so long for "real" videos and why we get shitty app reviews.

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    1. chris admits he does these shitty reviews as filler vids:

      http://i.imgur.com/ejZXr9B.png

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    2. He could get out the "real videos" faster if he spent less time shilling out these poor man's app videos. Just talking about a movie or a quick NEO review would make for better filler than these poor attempts to stay relevant.

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    3. Didn't "they" use that same excuse before? It's clear that he's just too lazy to do anything right now! That explanation won't fool us!
      >.<#

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    4. Yes he used that excuse before - more than once

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  16. The Steam Summer Sale is going on now until July 4th. Saw someone talking about it on my Facebook feed.

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  17. Now he's reviewing phone apps? This is a new low for Bores. What's next, Tiger Electronic handhelds? I bet he even likes those. At least the AVGN said they're boring because he's a real gamer and...you know what, fuck it!

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    1. he's been reviewing phone apps (then deleting them)...but he's admitted he feels obligated to release them as filler videos

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  18. As someone who's done some videos on phone apps, I can see where the appeal would be. They're quick to make, and not very difficult.

    But if you're going to make videos about apps, go with something people will like. Minecraft and Hearthstone are 2 games that could be done on mobile that people like.

    Also, actually look into a screen recorder. It would look a lot better than just aiming your camera at your phone.

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    1. that requires effort. chris hates effort

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  19. OT: It seems that Bryan Cranston has been cast as Zordon in the Power Rangers reboot next year. I think that might work; given how he provided the voice of some of the monsters of the week and even part of the name for Blue Ranger Billy Cranston. I just have to wonder if he's going to be channeling more Hal or Walter; as well as how much time might be spent on Eltar in the film.

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    1. There's a Power Rangers reboot?

      Also off-topic, guess him:

      "The Black Plague! The Spanish Inquisition! The Brady Bunch Reunion!"
      ^-^

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    2. Ha ha, love that line. And yes, they're in the process of filming it; it's coming out next March. It's going to be produced by Saban and directed by Dean Israelite. I think it could work; since the writers of X-Men First Class are writing the script. Ideally, one could just combine The Avengers and Pacific Rim for the Megazord battles and you've pretty much got it. If all else fails, I can't imagine it being worse than the Turbo movie.

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