Monday, June 6, 2016

Chew On This Idiotic Video About Gum and Comics

Oh wow, a new 80’s video. I thought that series was dead. When was the last one? *checks* Nearly 15 months ago, holy crap. How do his fans tolerate this?

The subject of the video is Bazooka Joe and Bazooka chewing gum. Really? That seems like a boring topic to cover. It’s not really an 80’s thing either, it’s been around since the late 40’s. There’s like a thousand other 80’s topics you could have covered but nope, FOOOOOOOOOOOD! If you can call bubble gum “food”.

Onto the video

*looks at title* Oh piss off. He calls it a “documentary”. Quit calling your videos documentaries, they’re poorly made with little information. Just because you binged the documentary section of Netflix once doesn’t mean you know how they work.
The bright side is that the video is short, only 4:46.

0:00 - 0:38: Starting right off the bat, no intro.
Oh wait, there’s the intro, ten seconds in. I guess he was trying to do a cold opening.
“This small candy has been around for almost 80 years” Incorrect! Bazooka was first introduced in 1947, that’s 69 years. The correct line would have been “almost 70 years”. Basic research Chris, come on.

He talks about some of the early comics featured in the wrapper prior to Joe, lists a few off ending on “Doc Sorebones”. This leads into our first stupid pointless sketch. Bores plays the doctor and a patient, and he does the really old and stupid “Doc it hurts when I do this” “Then don’t do it” gag. Not even the 12 year olds watching would find that funny Chris.

0:39 - 1:11: In “the 1950’s” (specifically 1953 because Bores is too lazy to list specific years, yeah such a goooood documentary) they bring in Bazooka Joe. He says they named him after the company’s president’s son. WRONG! He was named in a contest. This information is public, how are you getting so much wrong? You can see an ad promoting the contest here.
Mentions how they gave him an eye patch, prompting him to animate Joe’s mouth and say “Arr mateys”. Not even a minute in…
After a pointless mention of the Little Rascals, he lists some of the other characters in the comic. Ending on Mort, a character always wearing a turtle neck over his mouth. IG says it reminds him of someone and we get a pointless cameo from Not-Wilson. I refuse to use his made-up OC name Chris. He’s not an original character!

1:12 - 1:46: He brings up cartoonist Wesley Morse, who I’m sure looks absolutely nothing like what Chris is wearing in this scene. *searches* Yep, short hair, no facial hair and no glasses. Where Chris’ costume has long hair, glasses, and a mustache. You really couldn’t look this up? It’s like you tried to look nothing like him.

Is he seriously explaining how a gag comic works? How stupid do you think we are?
“… leading up to a cheesy gag at the end” And you know all about cheesy gags you hack.
Then we see Chris reenacting a standard Bazooka Joe comic. Yes he plays both characters because fuck other people.
He mentions how the comics would also come with a fortune, leading to a dumb bit where he edits one to say “Help! I’m a prisoner in a bubble gum factory!” Causing a forced “shocked” reaction from IG and then he tells his men to suit up, his men being … the old man from Legend of Zelda, Great Tiger from Punch-Out, and Bomberman. What does any of this have to do with anything?! Then he tells Bomberman to get his best bombs and he takes one out but then the Zelda “Got an Item” jingle plays. You’re doing this crap on purpose aren’t you? Quit putting the Zelda jingle where it doesn’t belong!
Wait, is Bomberman going to be his next video? Oh no…
I’m sorry, how is this a documentary again? What do those games have to do with Bazooka bubble gum?

1:47 - 2:26: Morse continued the comic until his death in 1963. Which Chris reenacts by pretending to have a heart attack. Classy.
They used what was left and reused them for years. Then he brings up that they made a Bazooka Joe View Master reel. Leading to Chris looking at it through a View Master, it ends with Joe falling off a tight rope and then he somehow falls on IG. Holy fuck this is so dumb. What’s the point? Where’s the joke?
Why the electric transition? So random.
“By the time the 1980’s rolled around, I myself first stumbled onto the cool candy” Well duh you first found it in the 80’s. You were born in 1978, you didn’t even have teeth until the 80’s. Also, “cool” is not a word I would use to describe Bazooka gum. Oh and he pretends to be a “kid” again with his lame backwards baseball cap “costume”.

2:26 - 3:17: The comic got revamped from the era, and had a new cast of characters. No don’t say their names Chris, that would require actual research and work. Just give their titles. Zero effort is best effort!
He mentions they’re numbered now so you can “trade with friends” (yes I’m sure you did that) and a dumb bit where Kid Bores yells about a comic he didn’t have. Pointless.
Then he mentions other Bazooka products like gum balls, an activity pad, … Maxi Pads. God damn it Chris who are you trying to appeal to? Kids won’t get that! Adults would find it tasteless and unfunny! Who do you want your audience to be!
He lists the different flavors, then mentions that they had giveaways if you sent in enough UPCs. Lists some of them, ending on a pillow. Which has a Care Bear on it? Oh it’s a dumb gag as IG appears in the corner and tells him to get off. And apparently IG shrunk as he’s now the same size as the pillow, and it’s a small pillow going by the hand that put it down. What is happening? Why is the perspective so horrible? Did you even try Chris? Oh right, of course not. Zero effort.

3:17 - 4:07: He then brings up the 90’s revamp and says it shows how “scary“ the 90‘s were. The annoying 90’s kids are going to eat you alive for that. “Funky hairdos” Which totally never happened in the 80’s. Isn’t that right Flock of Seagulls front man Mike Score? “Crazy shades” Again, how is that only a 90’s thing? Shades were big in the 80’s too. Someone’s bias is showing. “And DJ Jazzy Jeff” Another pointless reference. You’re not getting a job on Family Guy Chris, just cut it out.
More revamps, “straying from the roots”. Then they released a new “box” with the original cast, but it didn’t have comics in it. No mention on how the comics were discontinued in 2012? That seems like an important thing to bring up.

Onto the rating.
He used to buy them for 3 cents (my how times have changed) and how everyone he knew went crazy over the new flavors (riiiiiiight…). He says he hated what they did in the 90’s because it’s a “nostalgic misstep” … What the fuck does that mean? What? I can’t figure it out. Despite that, he gives it an “Overload”. You have a terrible rating system if all you have is “Overload” and “Mediocre”.
Then it ends on a dumb scene with Phanto from Super Mario Bros. 2. What does that have to do with anything?! Did you forget which series you were working on?

Good lord this was so dumb. The short length did not save it. Along with all the awful sketches, this had some severe research failure. Honestly, I kind of thought he was doing better, but nope he’s back to old habits of pulling facts out of his ass. Where did he even get “president’s son” from?
Why the video game stuff? Why is everything so cheap looking? I know it’s an internet series but this is cheap even by those standards. Chris, do yourself a favor and watch other videos. You will realize just how far behind you are from everyone else.

Over on Twitter, my informant noticed that Chris has been trying to get Bazooka Joe to trend, as well as push it to certain channels. Here are the Tweetsaves for prosperity.
https://tweetsave.com/chrisboresig/status/739848679599820800
https://tweetsave.com/chrisboresig/status/739849736392445952
https://tweetsave.com/chrisboresig/status/739849802788306945
https://tweetsave.com/chrisboresig/status/739850034192261120

The “nostalgia lives” message is weird. But man the desperation is real. It’s not going to happen Chris. Not unless you yourself improve. Frankly I don’t see Topps approving of the heart attack “joke” or all the wrong information.

On another note, someone asked Bores about the new Ghostbusters and if he‘s going to make a video about it. He told him “maybe soon” and that he saw an article that inspired him. … How? Don’t you have your own opinion? I hope this alleged video doesn’t side with the idiots calling James Rolfe a sexist or misogynist even though he barely said anything about the cast being female. That was such a sad shit show, is this really the movie hill you people want to die on?

That’s all for now.

71 comments:

  1. My god, that video was so lame... it's like Chris is a factory that puts out the same type of video with no love, care, and/or effort put into it.

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    1. Remember how in Nostalgia Critic's review of Pixels he created an Adam Sandler movie generator app?

      You can create one for Irate Gamer

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    2. Yeah, the two haven't changed at all since they started. The rest of us have. That's why Chris liked the movie, and I thought it was the worst blockbuster of 2015. Made the Super Mario Bros movie look like The Dark Knight, it was that bad to me.

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  2. Way to make a comeback, Bores. And I must say, you didn't disappoint.

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  3. He uploaded it earlier today, but he made it private after a while. I kinda want to assume he made some sort of error in it, because I'm sure he's done that before.

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    1. Lol remember when Chris mistakenly said that Count Chocula was created by *Post*? He had to remove the video and re-upload it just to correct it to General Mills.

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    2. Yeah, that was the one I was thinking of. I wonder what, if anything, he got wrong here.

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    3. Well, there's the errors Dan pointed out above.

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  4. If Chris makes a video calling James sexist, he will officially become the world's biggest hypocrite. I think everyone already knows why. Honestly, that stolen article on his site kind of reeks of hypocrisy as well.

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  5. Well, it looks like another YouTuber is getting sued on account of ignorance of fair use, the official Overwatch Twitter account actually replied to a shitty tweet by that unfunny cunt LeafyIsHere, and someone is now calling an X-Men: Apocalypse billboard (showing the main villain Apocalypse choke-holding Mystique) sexist. I'm done, guys. Fuck the human race.

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    1. Last Youtuber I heard was getting sued was H3H3, who's the one you're talking about?

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    2. I don't know the exact details, but I know that the name of this guy is "Channel Criswell".

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    3. Jeez, lighten up man. I think we can all just ignore the backlash of certain people (and vice versa) just fine.

      As for the lawsuit, here's a link (which is not about the content...but the music): https://torrentfreak.com/youtuber-sued-stanley-kubrick-movies-analysis-160606

      Also: #niceshirt

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    4. You know he only made that video (and stupid hashtag) because his ass was about to be handed to him for making fun of another person with a disability, and not because PewDiePie made that dumb video about "YouTube Drama", right?

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  6. The popular YouTube video game music channel Brawlbrstms3 has been hacked for almost a week now, and YouTube is doing nothing about it. Even worse is that the hacker is monetizing all the videos, which is actually illegal. I really want something on YouTube to restore my faith in it right now.

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    1. What motivated this jackass to hack Brawlbrstms3?

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    2. Wanted to make quick $$ off the work of others. They know they'll get away with it too, thanks to YT's fucked-beyond-recognition copyright policies.

      The original owner has already started a new channel, SmashDSPs. They're reuploading all the tracks and extending them to an HOUR. You have to admire that kind of dedication!

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  7. Geez, when was the last time Chris ever used the "Nostalgic Mediocre" rating? The TMNT 80s comics episode I think. After that, it's all "Nostalgic Overload". I wouldn't be surprised that he's never going to use the "Nostalgic Mediocre" rating again in the future since his nostalgia always cloud his judgment.

    And I agree with you about the whole "James Rolfe is sexist" thing being absolutely ridiculous, Batdan. Even Angry Joe is being called a "sexist" for making his reaction videos of both Ghostbusters trailers. It really goes to show how stupid people on the Internet really are.

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    1. It's so sad and pathetic how both Sony Pictures Entertainment and feminist supporters are doing everything they can to try and salvage this Ghostbusters reboot, what with the former constantly deleting comments on the trailer videos (comments with ACTUAL legit criticism and make NO mention of the all-female cast) and the latter saying the only reason people hate it is because "all critics are sexist".
      I'll be honest, thanks to all of the controversy revolving around this film, I may check it out eventually out of morbid curiosity in order to see just how bad it is (probably not in theaters; I think I'll wait for it to come out on either Redbox or Netflix).

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    2. There's plenty of legit criticism besides the gender-swap cast, but that doesn't mean the gender-based cast isn't a legit criticism itself (depending on specifics).
      There's plenty that an all-female team of Ghostbusters could have brought to the table, but based on the trailers it looks like they barely sprinkled some really forced "humor" over a carbon-copy of the original story.
      The only thing it brings is X chromosomes and pandering. No matter who you're pandering to, you'll be doing the opposite of empowering them. There's nothing wrong with calling that out.

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    3. Hate to put it this way, but women of western society are the new white male slave owners and royal class. Discrimination exists in their world view, even when it really doesn't. They have the monopoly on sex and control whether men get to have sex or not. Any man who is not in 100% compliance (or a mangina in other words), is labeled a sexist creep who engages in the rape culture. Less and less men are getting married these days out of fear of having their lives screwed over by women who just want to take their money and run, seeing how the legal/court system will favor the woman 100% of the time. I've even heard incidents of women going out of their way to ruin the reputation of guys that just happen to be in the background of pictures they take just because they "look creepy".

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    4. Mac, I think that's just a very small but extremely vocal minority.
      I wouldn't condemn all western women based on the actions of a few.

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    5. Wtf?

      This is probably the mindset of a Redpiller right here.

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    6. All the while they ignore the constructive criticism from WOMEN who don't like the new Ghostbusters. SJWs can't call that sexism or misogyny, haha, because it's from women, see?

      As for AVGN, never have I heard about him criticising the movie for the female cast. He just talked about the poor special effects and so on.

      For me, I'm not railing the movie for the all female cast. It could work well, actually, like you can have them learning from the original Ghostbusters and continuing their legacy. I just don't like it for the poor special effects, jokes, and the SJWs that mindlessly defend it.

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    7. All I can think of from the trailer is how hard they are trying to make the new Ghostbusters "badass". Because honestly the last thing you'd think of looking at Dan Akryod, Bill Murray, Harold Ramis and Ernie Hudson is "tough, bad asses".

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  8. I wonder how many actually entered that design contest?

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  9. Ugh, another lousy '80s video. Least there's plenty of material to riff it. Well, I'm going to see my father in California soon; and I expect more of the same from Boring Man's E3 coverage. More glossing over anticipated games in favor of dozens of masturbatory Skylanders videos; among other nonsense.

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  10. doubt he's going and will make up an excuse why he's not covering it

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    1. Even out of his game room, the coverage was terrible last year. Then again, my expectations have always been pretty low since he pretended to blow up Ubisoft's HQ for not getting into their conference, and saying even the garbage looks "vewy coo" year after year.

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  11. Bores mocking the death of Morse, reminds me of his comments on Jew Wario, which he has yet to apologize (and he won't).

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    1. And when he tried to profit off Leonard Nimoy's death last year.

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  12. Also, the Feminists and SJWs love Chris Bores. They ignore Bores' countless misogynist and and sexist comments (like when he said that he wanted to jump a roof), and give James Rolfe shit, when he never said anything sexist and misogynistic.

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    1. They don't love him. They just don't know he even exists at all.

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  13. IG's fans seem to love his newest video. They got quite a kick out of his awful jokes. Particularly the maxi pad joke. I have a feeling that IG's fans loved both the Ghostbusters trailers.

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    1. Remember, these fans are most likely little kids who don't know any better.

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    2. Figures that they found the Maxi Pad joke hilarious! It's really the lowest common denominator!
      -_-

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    3. So you three generalize all Irate Gamer fans as "little kids" and shocked at the fact some people find humor funny you don't even though humor is subjective, good to know you fans of BatDan are just as obnoxious as BatDan himself.

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    5. Indeed that Maxi pad joke was the lowest common denominator! Seems like Mike Judge's Idiocracy will probably become a reality by 2025, rather than 2505, unlike in the film. It's truly sad what our generation has become!

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  14. OT: Call of Duty Infinite Warfare's reveal trailer now has 3 million dislikes on Youtube and people are thinking "Nah, the people who dislike the trailer are just jumping on the bandwagon or people who think COD is stupid."

    Oh how wrong these people are.

    Currently, Infinite Warfare only has 30,000 preorders for the XB1 version and 33,000 preorders for the PS4 version after the video is up for 1 month. Compare that to Black Ops 3, it had 420,000 preorders for the XB1 version and 284,000 preorders for the PS4 version after the reveal trailer was released a month ago.

    I still remember one COD fanboy saying that Infinite Warfare will bring something new and different to the franchise and COD always take risks to be innovative and he call me out saying that I know nothing about the franchise. I of course laughed my ass off at his comments.

    Activision, I hope you got your tombstone ready for the COD franchise.

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    1. I would still give the remastered version of Modern Warfare a try though... Too bad it's bundled together with Infinite Warfare and you can't buy it separately.

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    2. Infinity Ward should have stuck with Ghosts 2, methinks. I'm probably amongst a minority, but I actually enjoyed the first Ghosts. Hard to believe why so many hated it.

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    3. I too was hoping they would make a sequel to Ghosts since the story ended with a cliffhanger. Guess it will never ever be resolved.

      I do understand why people hated it. The storyline was overly cliche, the main characters aren't likeable and relatable, graphics aren't an improvement from last gen (The graphics in the XB1 and PS4 versions look exactly the same as the XB360 and PS3 versions) and introducing a terrible multiplayer mode called Cranked which requires you to kill an enemy within 30 seconds before you self-destruct. Because everyone is always concern about their lives before time runs out, it's hard to work together as a team and it's not like there's a penalty if you don't kill someone within 30 seconds so what's the point of the players self-destructing?

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    4. @Phantom Same... I would love to know what happened to Logan.

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    5. I want to see an end to that bastard Rorke.

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    6. @Sovereign64

      You know, I can't help feel that the people hating on Ghosts have never played the original CoD games, which is sad.

      "The storyline was overly cliche"

      As were a lot in the other CoD games before it.

      Remember CoD 1 and 2? Those hardly had any story line, let alone character development. It was merely the game play that mattered. And Ghosts delivered that damn well.

      "introducing a terrible multiplayer mode called Cranked"

      To be fair, I never played Multiplayer very much. I was more into the Campaigns myself, so I can't say anything about Cranked.

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  15. 40 seconds in and we already see a pointless sketch.

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  16. On another note, all of these Irate the 80s (or whatever timeframe) feels like those Facebook posts. "If you remember these, then you're a 80s/90s kid and your childhood was awesome."

    Except that those are slightly more tolerable and less annoying sketches than this video.

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  17. "If you remember these, then you're a 80s/90s kid and your childhood was awesome."

    Not taking into consideration that kids of today rarely if ever get punished. At least not to the extent kids in the 80s/90s and before did. In the 80s/90s, you might have gotten Bazooka Gum, but in the 00's and 2010's, you get fancy smartphones and helicopter parents.

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    1. Especially canes or rulers as weapons of choice for parents. A moderate amount (most of the time) to keep them disciplined.

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    2. Don't forget belts and those wooden paddles with the rubber ball connected by a string.

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  18. Some of the new LEGO Dimensions toys were just leaked by Amazon Spain. Turns out, Chris was right about the A-Team being in it. Also, there are level packs for Adventure Time, Harry Potter, Mission Impossible, and the Ghostbusters reboot.

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    1. A trailer video showing off several toys was released.
      Along with the ones you mentioned there's The Goonies, E.T., Gremlins, Sonic the Hedgehog, Teen Titans Go (bleh), Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, as well as confirmation of Knight Rider, Powerpuff Girls, Beetlejuice, and Lego City Undercover.

      Basically, the game is porn for Bores.

      Delete
    2. Be prepared for another long toy video. Or, possibly more than one.

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    3. SERIOUSLY?! That piece of shit show Teen Titans Go is going to be in Lego Dimensions?! *facepalms*

      And speaking of toys, the next Skylanders game has been revealed as well. It's called Skylanders Imaginators.

      Delete
    4. I just find it hilarious that it's called "Imaginators" when Activision themselves have no imagination!
      ^-^

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    5. I bet Bores loves Teen Titans Go! since that's the same audience that watches his videos and finds them to be "hilarious".

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  19. A new Box Wars video is up. Ugh, this is going to be a new ongoing series that will be dead in last than two years, isn't it?

    In one part of the video, he takes out a Disney keychain of a black cat and calls him "evil kitty from the evil kitty movie." You dumbass, that's Lucifer from Cinderella!

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    1. I also sure hope your house has enough space for all that junk you got, Bores.

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    2. "Evil kitty from the evil kitty movie"...

      That is without a doubt the single proof that Crisbo just doesn't care anymore. Research is officially beneath him! And he wonders why he keeps losing fans.
      -_-

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  20. Ladies and gentlemen, the weed has been smoken. The gnome has ended CancerAlert.

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  21. I swear, Chris says "cool" so many times in this video. Get a thesaurus!

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    1. I'm talking about the new box wars video.

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    2. He says "cool" to everything he sees, showing that he has the intelligence of a kid less than 12 years old.

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    3. He says cool so many times it's practically his catchphrase.

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    4. One example could be his E3 Videos. Every time he talks about a trailer, 90% of the time, he'll say it was "very cool", even if it sucked. He really doesn't know when to use that word, doesn't he?
      -_-

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  22. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  23. Just letting you know I made a commentary on this article.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHGyqC37Sqo

    ReplyDelete
  24. I couldn't even stand his video! I watched DoubleEdgedSword2's commentary and that wasn't the problem, Boring Man's video was!

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