Long week, but hey one more week to Avengers.
Chris posted an 11 minute 39 second video. Granted, he already bragged it would be this long.
He stated that this is something he wanted to cover since 2007. I knew of at least two different games it could have been. One was Deadly Towers, which he said in a comment on one of his earliest videos (it’s long gone but can be found on a video from the thee3nd), or one of the Simpsons NES games which he mentioned back in his review of the 2007 game.
Turns out the first guess was right, it’s a “review” of Deadly Towers. He also claimed that this video was “30 years in the making”. Yeah I don’t buy that.
Video opens, he states he’s going to look at a video game he played all the time in his youth (pfft) and it just “pissed him off”. So you played a game “all the time” even though it made you mad? It’s not even like it’s a good hard game like Ghosts n Goblins or Contra, it’s Deadly Towers, what many agree is one of the worst NES games. Are you a masochist or just a liar?
Into the intro… let’s talk about the intro actually.
Reader YouTubed brought it to my attention that this same intro is used by a channel called Blue Television Games. Only real difference is the logo at the end of it. It’s not stolen from him, but rather it’s from a site that sells digital assets for use. Similar to Chris using Digital Juice for all his music. Bores eventually revealed to reader Silent Spring that it came from a site called Envato, while calling Spring an idiot (I guess Bores was channeling DarkSydePhil for that response).
Still, it shows that the one thing I do praise about his show is just something that continues to show how unoriginal he really is. Always a catch to these things.
He starts going on about how much he hates the game and every time he played it there were “bugs”, citing the controls and “hardness factor”. Those aren’t bugs, those are overall issues with the game. It’s not “bugged sword throwing mechanics”.
“I wanted to review this for the first season of my previous show” Previous show? Just say Irate Gamer.
And he confesses he’s using an NES Max for the turbo function. Already a dishonest review.
More dishonesty as it becomes very clear he’s using an emulator. The game is far too clean looking, there’s a filter in use. If he was actually playing on an NES, it would look a lot more pixel-y. So the scene of him putting the game in the console and going on about his need for turbo? Lies! Emulators have built-in turbo anyway. Already this review is a waste.
He comments that the logo doesn’t tell you it’s a medieval game. Then what does it tell you? And what would a logo for a medieval game look like? Hello?
He goes over the story… not much there…
Gives his first complaint about the controls being janky, and how going diagonal is counter-productive. Hmm, wonder where he stole that complaint from. It’s too clever for Bores.
Then stupid joke time as he claims he can’t “walk around a medieval” town in his glasses, so he puts on… the same glasses but a different color. Ugggh enough with the fucking glasses! They’re not funny!
He plays some more, gets knocked into another room, complains about the abundance of enemies, then at one point his audio quality suddenly shifts. Was this something added late? He suddenly sounds completely different!
Notes how the game lags with many enemies on screen. Wow, Chris actually bringing up a technical problem. Let’s see how he ruins it.
He dies, and is thankful there’s “a PASSword system”. Yeah weird emphasis on the “pass”.
Doesn’t understand the need for a password this early, more about enemies, complains killing them takes too long. Goes up to one and says to count how many hits it takes, it’s in fast-motion but it looks like 10. But for “comedy” I guess he says it’s 30. Either that or he’s doing more manipulation like Super Mario Bros. 2
Dies falling into a pit.
Blah blah blah, finds the shop, complains that it’s too early to buy things (no it isn’t), leaves, immediately dies. Bored.
Complains about Prince Myer just beaming in and wonders if he’s coming from the Enterprise. It’s called NES limitations Chris.
Right now things just aren’t interesting. He’s just dying a lot.
Finds a dungeon… dies some more… finds another dungeon that he probably read about in a guide
More dying, finds a dragon, beats it (with fast-forwarding), dies again…
Kills an enemy, and th- OH COME ON that death was clearly on purpose! I know Deadly Towers controls like crap but that was clearly you walking off the edge! I see we’re not past pretending to be harder than it really is.
Boring… complains about an enemy, calls the screens “boards” (*rolls eyes*), finds another mini-boss, beats it but then dies. More dying… more dying…
Then he face palms and “dies” in a way similar to the game. Yep, back to these types of jokes too. How exactly is this a rebrand outside of being more boring and those stupid glasses?
He then reveals the point in the game that he claims was “as far as he got” as a kid. Uh huh, sure. He cries “30 years!” and how he wants to see the ending really bad. VGMuseum could help with that. You know the site exists since you stole the images of the Aladdin ending from them.
But no, he’s just saying that to justify his cheating. With Game Genie. Or rather he opens the cheats menu in his emulator.
He then reaches the area where all the towers are. He plays the Pac-Man death sound for some reason. He’s mad that they put all the tower entrances in one place. Meh…
Boring… boring… boring… I can’t really say much he’s just explaining what’s going on. I’m sure there’s something wrong somewhere but nobody really cares about Deadly Towers. And I don’t really care for this video.
Beats a boss, gets the bell, travels back down, you know this isn’t very exciting when you’re invincible.
More forced anger, and then a dumb joke where he says the game’s full title should be “Deadly Towers Deadly Enemies Deadly Controls Deadly Dungeons Deadly Green Fuzzy Monsters That Make No Sense in the Middle Ages” The only one that applies is controls, the rest rings hollow when you’re cheating. Sorry, but once he brought in Game Genie, the rest of this video is just a mishmash of droning noise.
More climbing, then he shows all the bosses, giving a lot of them random names. I’m sure they’re references to some shitty 80’s show that only he cares about.
Has all the bells, and goes to throw them into the fire. He then complains about having to do all that work for the bells just to have a “kumbaya campfire”. Dude, the game tells you to burn the bells. You even mention this when going over the story. Pay attention to your own fucking script! If you have one, I’m still doubting you do.
Backtracks to the start, goes to the right to a now open door, he drops “30 years” again (stop) and finds it’s another tower. He gets to the top, beats the final boss (calling his second form bear heads when they look more like lions), and praises the game for having an ending. You really get hung up on video game endings way too much Chris.
The game tells him “You are victorious” and Chris says “Great, compared to a Nickelodeon pop star”. You do realize that word has existed long before that show right? Wait, I thought Nickelodeon was the devil now? You know, after you freaked out over seeing the Eye of Providence at the Kids Choice Awards to the point that you won’t let your step-kids watch it? Is this more of that hypocrisy you oh so relish in? I think it is!
He turns off the emulator I MEAN takes the game out of the console.
He cries about “30 years” again, and flaccidly drops the game out of his hand. Video ends, followed by sponsorship.
Booooooring! How the hell did this last 11 minutes? It feels like there was six minutes of content at most. Is this Chris’ strategy now? Be so boring that people won’t notice that it actually sucks? I don’t know, it just feels like my brain has melted and I need to play something good.
But first, some things I need to bring up.
If you haven’t heard by now, Channel Awesome (the home of The Nostalgia Critic and once home to many other reviewers) has basically imploded on itself. Through a combination of former contributor grievances, an egoistically prideful CEO that refuses to give a proper apology, the majority of contributors leaving the site in droves (including Linkara) leaving only Brad Jones and Larry Bundy Jr (who admits he’s only staying as a joke now), accidentally outing that someone was a sexual predator, and just a whole shitstorm of “how not to run a business”, Channel Awesome has basically died and is now just a shambling zombie. All this could have been avoided had they just properly apologized but noooooooo….
Chris decided to take this opportunity for a victory lap! First he claims “I haven’t watched any of them”, but then realized that’s not good enough, and started playing the victim card crying about how “they deserve it because they made fun of me! They made fun of me just for making videos!” No Chris, that’s not why they, or anyone else, made fun of you. They made fun of you because your videos suck, you refuse to learn from your mistakes, you are not funny, your jokes and humor come across as childish and predictable. That is why current and former Channel Awesome contributors made fun of you. It had nothing to do with you “making videos”, that’s just your mental gymnastics trying to justify why people don’t like you. Because surely it has nothing to do with the fact you’re an unpleasant person that poses as his own mother to deflect criticism, and at one point false-flagged any video that was critical of you off of YouTube.
Speaking of false-flagging…
Way back in January 2017, Ben Phillips created “Opening Up: An Irate Gamer Documentary”. A video that showcases the many contradictions and lies featured in Chris’ 39 minute “Opening Up” video. For the longest time, it was one of the first results people would get when searching “Irate Gamer”. Not anymore, and you want to know why? Because Chris Bores flagged it with a copyright strike! Not even using Y2B Productions or any other fake company. Literally just “a copyright claim by Chris Bores” The video was here, but now it's gone. You can see the copyright claim.
*clap clap clap* Wow, 10 years later and you’re still doing the same shitty things. You haven’t learned a thing have you? You’re still the same crybaby from 2008 that couldn’t handle people being critical of your crappy videos. I thought you would at least grow out of that habit. But I was wrong, you are still an awful person Chris. You going to pose as mommy again and come crying here about how wrong we are? How we all have daddy issues or something? Quit pretending to be your mom.
Everyone, you are now free to make videos critical of Bores, and if he false flags you, fight him on it. He has no right to flag any videos like that. It only further shows how insecure he truly is.
I will further update you on this as I learn more.
Thank you all for reading.