Irate Gamer Sucks

The Contests Are Rigged! Plus Other Info

2012-02-03T12:07:00.008-06:00

For the longest time, I've had a feeling there was something wrong with IG's contests when the winners were mostly obvious fanboys like Karbia Yuan and lukestarkiller. Turns out, I was right!

Bores doesn't pick the winners, Mommy dearest does. That's right, Bores doesn't care about you but LadyBuggin777 AKA Linda knows who's being a good Irate Gamer fanboy and tells Chris they deserve special treatment with free stuff.
On some video of some person meeting IG, Linda has been arguing her head off. Considering that's all she knows how to do, I'm not surprised that responses are childish and immature.

During this, some interesting facts came out.
First off, Linda confirms that she picks the winners of the contests. Meaning the requirement for winning isn't writing "Pick Me" in the "comments box blow" but to be a loyal Irate Gamer fanboy and to be nice to Linda. So to the casual IG fans that do read this (and I know you d0), sorry but you have no chance!
Proof:
This outright confirms that the contests are rigged and that it's disgusting that he keeps doing them.

Here's another tidbit that I'm pretty sure she's lying about, if not then I have lost a ton of respect for Eric Allen.
For those that don't know of the utuber377 PMs, a user sent Bores a YouTube PM asking about a holiday special with a tiny mention of plagiarism. His response was incredibly rude, so utuber responded back and began a back & forth chain that showed how much of an arrogant ass Chris Bores truly was. With such gems like "You will never be as popular as I am" "I make money off your whining, cha-ching bitch" and "I am better than you, deal with it"
Months after, utuber would claim the whole thing was fake despite evidence to the contrary. Such as IG sending similar messages to other users.

Linda then revealed this little "fact".

She claims the entire chain of PMs was staged by utuber and Eric "Wise Sage" Allen. I call bullshit! Why would Eric agree to make his friend look like a shithead? Did utuber ask him "Say you want to make Chris look like a total douchenozzle to the world?" and Eric agreed to it? Why would you buy this so easily Linda? It's something that makes your son look bad, something you've dedicated your LIFE to preventing as I have seen in your hundreds of childish comments. Which is too late by the way as associating yourself with IG can be seen as toxic.
It just doesn't add up!
If Eric really did do this, respect points way down.
By the way Linda, it's WISE Sage, not Blue Sage. I hate the show and even I know that.

In fact, Linda seems to be the co-show runner but without any of the credit. Good lord.

In other news, it turns out Haunted Investigators really might be coming back. Bores was in Miami with Alan Cicco. The only reason Alan would be there is if it involved Boring Ghost Shit. Uggggh.

That's all I have to say for now. I feel unclean.
EDIT: By the way, if the comments disappear and Linda claims they're fake, they are not. They have been screencapped by my informants.
You can read them here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahzUu3H88kY
Warning: Stupid video and even worse comments.

A Budweiser Ad Campaign? Better Grab a Drink.

2012-01-27T22:12:00.003-06:00

Nearly one month into 2012 and we have our first IG video, and it wasn’t what he promised. Instead of History of Boring, we get another I Rate the 80s, oh joyous days…
This time he’s going to talk about the Bud Bowl, a series of Budweiser commercials that showcased a football game between bottles of Budweiser and Bud Light always set during the Super Bowl. I feel he’s cheating as the campaign started in 1989 and thus feels more like a 90s thing. Granted, the TMNT cereal was first released in 1990 so his qualification must be “if it existed in the 80s in some form, it counts”. Personally, I just think he doesn’t give a crap.

Grab a beer, I know I’m going to need it, and let’s go.

0:05 - 0:16: Oh hey, he changed his table to something better. Instead of the clusterfuck of random toys, it’s a bunch of Budweiser & Bud Light bottles and assorted party foods. This is appealing to the eyes and doesn’t invoke the idea that you care more for what people see on your desk than what they hear from your mouth. Did I just say something positive about IG? Urgh, it feels gross.
“…string of commercials in the 1980s” For all of one year. Only the first Bud Bowl was in the 80s, the rest were in the 90s. As I said before.

0:16 - 1:02: We get our modern stock footage intended to “set the year”. Seriously, what’s the point of this? The quality is far too high to be set in the 80s or 90s, why does he show it?
History time, grab a drink!
As he explains when each commercial aired during the game, he plays a video clip in the corner. When he mentions half-time, the clip covers his face and he swats it away. Uhh, was that intended to be annoying?
He brings up how the Bud Bowl commercials were really popular, following with clinking two bottles together… causing an explosion. Ugh. For someone that hates Michael Bay, he sure takes a lot of cues from him.
Look, if you’re going to make something explode, SET IT UP! It has to be a punchline, you can’t just do it randomly and expect people to laugh.

1:02 - 1:40: He quickly summarizes the second Bud Bowl, then a random joke where he says Budweiser was on fire, setting the bottle he was holding on fire. Just because you can do effects doesn’t mean they’re mandatory.
Then a quick summary of Bud Bowl 3. Honestly, this video is just boring so far. Nothing immensely stupid yet…

1:41 - 2:08: He moves onto Bud Bowl IV and says things are “getting weird”. He notes that instead of watching bottles play, it’s about a guy looking for a ticket. Watching the commercial and checking Wikipedia, this year was when they introduced a contest involving a ticket. The commercials were about this guy looking for his ticket to hopefully win. Yes it’s stupid we didn’t get to see the stop-motion bottles but they were trying something different. I can respect that.
Of course, IG turns on his horrendously fake anger, claims that even 20 years later he’s still pissed. Dude, it’s a commercial for beer, no reason to flip your table (which is what he does to showcase how “irate” he is… grrrrr?)
“I hope you die you jackass” Our host ladies & gentlemen, wishing death on commercial characters from 20 years ago.

2:09 - 2:30: When talking about “fan complaints”, he shows a TV getting smashed with a sledgehammer. … Why was that needed? Why all this stock footage? I’m so confused!
Onto Bud Bowl V, he mentions it’s in CGI, has celebrity announcers and Joe Nameth appears. Come on, what about Corbin Benson? He was on L.A. Law! Though these days people know him on Psych. Say, that’s a good idea, I should watch that instead! *gets pushed back* Focus Daniel.
He also lists off various products shown in the commercials. There’s something I’m going to bring up at the end about all this.

2:30 - 3:07: “Bud Bowl VI marked the last of the Bud Bowls” No it wasn‘t! I’m looking at Wikipedia and it says there’s a Bud Bowl VII and VIII. In fact, I checked the blogs “Strictly Commercials” and “mental_floss” (no relation to Brentalfloss) and they both confirm the existence of VII and VIII. Though from what they say, they were just single commercials with little focus on the game.
He summarizes the game, bringing up how Bud Light won due to outside interference (a hand grabs a Budweiser bottle). This gives us a gag with a giant hand grabbing one of IG’s bottles. *yawns* Snooze-inducing. I’m switching back to soda, this beer isn’t helping me.
IG goes on to say they “retired” the Bud Bowl (read above, they had two more years) and mentions a “new campaign” and the Budweiser Frogs. Say, you know which mascot would be more appropriate for this show? Spuds MacKenzie, he had more time in the 80s.

We get to the rating.
“Alright sports fans” Pffffft, oh please! Those are less likely to watch you than 80s fans and gamers!
He enjoyed them, and we get another Nostalgic Overload. Whatever…
Also, explain how it wouldn’t appeal to today’s audience. From what I’m watching, the commercials look timeless and can be aired in any year.
The video ends with IG hoping they bring it back one day, asking for a light, causing an obvious CGI one to shine on him, he corrects himself saying he wanted a Bud Light, then gets crushed by an image of a giant bottle. Can’t really get mad at the ending, the whole video was just dull.

Other than stupidly random moments and fake anger, the entire video was uneventful. He didn’t add anything funny or insightful to the commercials, just described what happened. The jokes were just there for no reason. A lot of parts seemed like Bores showing he can do effects. We get it, they aren’t really that special.
What I don’t get is that his audience is mostly 10-12 year old kids, and he talks about commercials for a drink they aren’t allowed to have. Wait a sec… Chris himself was a kid when these aired! If he was born in 1978, he would have turned 21 in 1999, one year after the final Bud Bowl. Yes I know the Super Bowl is a family event and he could have seen them there, but the way he described the products earlier… I’m probably just over thinking it again.

I guess I didn’t need all this whiskey, I’ll store it until the next main IG episode, or a Neo video that really pisses me off.

Blogs mentioned earlier found here:
http://strictlycommercials.blogspot.com/2011/02/brief-history-of-bud-bowls.html
http://blogs.static.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/22310.html

That’s all for now.

The Egotism Continues in Chris Bores' Biography

2012-01-19T11:45:00.004-06:00

It amazes me. A man that in all respects has nothing, but acts like he's an emperor. What has Chris Bores done? What has he done to deserve all the masturbatory claims he constantly spouts from his endlessly-lying maw? The correct answer is NOTHING. So why the ego-stroking videos? Why the celebratory "200th video" when most of his videos were a minute long or less? It raises far too many questions.

You're probably wondering where I'm going with this. The other day I was shown this page.
http://www.irateentertainment.com/bio.htm

Oh yeah, more of his self-indulgent wankery set to the tune of the 10 year old kids that praise him for his subpar jokes and ideas. Was anyone really asking for this?
Since it looks like nothing will come out in a while, I should debunk the bullshit claims found here. Just like his other ego-stroking videos.

I'll skip the first paragraph as this sounds believable.

Chris went on to attend Ashland University to major in 'Film and Broadcasting' and learn the ropes of the business. He did this by working at Television and Radio Stations, and performed many job's that included both producing and filming News Programs, Documentaries, Commercials, Sporting Events, and more.
I looked into Ashland University a little, and I found out they don't have any specific film curriculum. The closest is "Digital Media Production", but I did not find a specific "Film & Broadcasting" major. So why lie about a class that isn't there?
In that old page about his book "The Dark Chapters", he said he went to Ashland University to become a writer (and Ashland does have a Creative Writing major). So if he's going to lie about what his major was, why not lie about the school he went to? Oh wait, he shouldn't lie at all!
I'd like to know which news programs, documentaries, commercials, and sporting events he shot, if he did that at all!

In 2004, Chris left college and started his own videography business and started filming weddings, special events, producing commercials, and built up a successful client base in the area.
This was the beginning of "Y2B Productions". Note how he said he "left college" instead of "graduated", hmmm.
Good lord, can you imagine a wedding edited by Chris Bores? "Introducing, the new Mr. and Mrs. Park! *After Effects explosions everywhere*" "You may kiss the bride! (voiceover kicks in: Aw yeah this is getting hawt!)"

In 2006, his passion for the Paranormal had lead him to work on his biggest project at the time called Haunted Investigators which showcased his team, ghost hunting various locations.
All in Ohio as they were too dirt poor to be actual paranormal investigators. TAPS would continue to outshine them in every aspect. Instead, enjoy 6 videos of 2-3 jerks walking around an abandoned building with nothing happening.

In 2007, Bores stumbled upon the YouTube craze of game reviewers that reviewed old video games in an angry manner made popular by James Rolfe. Finding the whole genre inspiring, Bores decided to add himself to the mix of the 200 plus reviewers and began working on his own review which mostly consisted of satirical spoofs of what other reviewers with established fan-bases like AVGN, Armake21, and PlayItBogart had already been doing.
And here comes the Irate Gamer. A lot of this he "claims" in his 200th video, and I still don't buy a god damn second of it. Why block comments comparing him to the AVGN? He was never a gamer and he was merely cashing in on what was popular.
Before he finally admitted his "inspiration", he would always say "100 or so other people doing the same thing". Now it's up to 200? Who are these people? Give us names!
Of course, it's far too late to say "AVGN, Armake21 and PlayItBogart inspired me". He dug himself deep, and at this point being a rip-off is no longer the reason people hate him.
Also, satirical spoof? He fell back on Game Dude's bullshit excuse! How sad is that?

Having a background in film, a lot of people quickly took notice and asked for more. After numerous requests, Bores decided to do just that. After releasing a few more silly videos done in his spare time, YouTube took notice and featured 2 episodes within a span of a month on the front page of YouTube making him very popular.
A stint of popularity that didn't last long, he is nowhere near as big as he was in 2007. Also, people took notice because of accusations of theft, not because "I have a background in film herp a derp". That doesn't even make sense.
Also, YouTube stopped featuring him. They're too busy delivering bags of money to other people that entertain 10 year old brats.

Critics have criticized Bores of copying other reviewers during his first season of shows, but overlook the fact that his main goal back then was paying homage to the guys who came before him. Overall his main goal for doing the series was for the love of the Genre and the people who spawned it.
"Paying homage" my ass! Quit trying to hide behind that line! You stole material, quit trying to deny that! Again, you have far FAR bigger problems than plagiarism. Like the research failure, the bad writing, the unfunny jokes, the offensive actions, the fact your "character" is an unlikeable douche, the irritating characters, the constant cheating, the cheap effects, the overuse of green screen, and so on and so on. THAT IS WHY PEOPLE HATE THE SHOW!
"Love the genre and the people who spawned it" What genre? Video games count as a genre? A genre in what?
People who spawned it? Eeeewwwww. Okay I know what he means, but let me ask this. Does he know who created his second favorite NES game? I doubt it.

During the next season however, Chris decided to ditch the satirical nature of the show and find his own voice and began evolving The Irate Gamer into something fresh and new and brought to the table a review show featuring storylines, crazy special effects, a cast of reoccurring characters, and cut scenes that moved him outside the house and even interacting with the video game world.
And as it turned out, his "own voice" was dull and painful to watch. Much worse than when he was taking ideas.
By "crazy special effects", he means effects so stock that it drives people crazy.
Cutscenes are only in video games Chris, the way you phrase that it sounds like scenes cut from the final video.
"moved him outside the house" Whoa whoa whoa, outside? Woooow, that blows my mind! I didn't thinking using a camera outside of the house was legal! ... Is that really something to boast about?
Also, it's hard to believe that when most of your scenes are in front of a shoddy green screen. Including the "interactions with the video game world". This isn't Captain N by the way, there's more than one "video game world".

Upon doing so, Chris went on to hold the prestigious award of at one point being the #55th most subscribed channel on YouTube, and has since been featured in a variety of articles and publications worldwide.
Is being 55th place something to brag about? Anyone interested would look at that say "55th? Am I supposed to be impressed?" He also says "at one point", telling people "I used to be popular, now I'm not." Nobody wants that! Realistically, it would have made sense to include the actual number of subscribers. "As of 2011, he has over 140,000 people subscribed." That would get people to notice!
Again, what are these articles? What publications? What countries? I know a local paper did a piece about Haunted Investigators, but that's just Ohio. ... Then again, knowing how ignorant he can be, Ohio is the world to him.

Chris has went on to achieve many accolades such as having the Haunted Investigators show become the most popular Ghost Hunting show on YouTube, and creating other shows like "History of Video Games" and "Irate the 80's" which have both become very popular with fans. Chris Bores has also been praised for his extensive coverage and interviewing skills at both 2010 and 2011 E3 events.
Accolades? Oh this I gotta see.
Haunted Investigators is only popular, because your other show is popular. If you put it on a separate channel, nobody would watch! And compared to what? What other ghost hunting shows are on YouTube? Setting the bar low!
How is "creating two other shows" considered an accolade? They haven't won awards! They're just as bad as your other stuff!
The only people that praised you about E3 were morons that didn't know better coverage exists out there. Hell, better coverage exists ON YOUTUBE! Machinima anyone?
What interviewing skills? He asks the same vague questions over and over, and I swear the people he talks to look really uncomfortable around him.

Chris is currently working on a huge story arc that will escalate throughout Season 4 of the Irate Gamer now called "The Irate Gamer Show". This was inspired by the many episodic television shows that have recently sprung up on TV.
A story arc that doesn't make a lick of sense!
Wasn't it always called the Irate Gamer Show? How is this different?
Episodic TV shows? Are you insane? You can't keep anything consistent, what makes you think you can pull off something similar to Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones or Doctor Who? Good lord!
Also "television shows that have recently sprung up on TV". Thanks, I wouldn't have figured out where television shows existed if you didn't mention TV you redundant idiot.

He also plans to continue the history in the History of Video Games series, and re-launch the Haunted Investigators in 2012.
That's cute, I seriously doubt Haunted Investigators is EVER going to come back. He just wanted to clear out his garage of unsold DVDs.

That's the end of it. Ugh!
So many lies, so much bullshit, so much disgusting big-headed garbage! It just astounds me.
*lies back* Hopefully this will hold us over for a while.
According to my informants, LadyBuggin777 says Bores has recovered. So now the only excuse is Bores being lazy. We'll see what happens.

Redux Recap: Wishy-Washy About Zack & Wiki

2012-01-12T12:16:00.003-06:00

It’s been quiet here, hasn’t it? Bores hasn’t done anything new since Christmas, not even a contest. This can actually be explained, he said on Facebook and his site that he’s sick. Combined with his lazy work ethic, don’t expect anything new until February. Redux Recap it is then.

Today’s recap is on his review of Zack & Wiki: Quest for Barbaros’ Treasure. A Wii-exclusive point-and-click adventure game that didn’t sell very well due to poor advertising, cartoon graphics that probably turned people off, and being on the Wii in 2007 (when games weren’t plentiful). I’m just guessing but those sound like good reasons.
Using the Wayback Machine, I learned this video came out May 2008 on GottGame. Seven months after Zack & Wiki came out in North America. Even back then Bores reviewed games months after they came out.

0:17 - 0:30: “This week, we’re reviewing Zack & WEE-KEY for the Wii” That’s not how you pronounce Wiki. It’s “Wih-key” like in Wikipedia. First line of the video!
He claims he doesn’t know how to feel about it, then goes into a small rant about how he either hates a game or enjoys a game, but this one is different. You mean this game is just average or mediocre? Oooh, perish the thought! How dare a game just be okay!
This guy is attempting to be a reviewer, yet he’s only able to deal in absolutes. This is bad form!

0:31 - 1:31: He goes into the story, being as vague as possible. “You collect treasure… that’s good enough right?“
He calls Wiki a Pokemon-looking thing and wonders what he is. He’s a monkey, a magical monkey that can transform into tools for your adventure.
He also calls Zack dumb as a box of rocks and shows a clip of him falling. It should be noted that scene is from the tutorial where Wiki has the player click away an umbrella. Also, Zack is a silent protagonist meant to represent the player with Wiki being your “Navi”. So I’m not sure where he got this idea that he’s supposed to be dumb.
He brings up “interesting characters” you meet around the game. Those are all characters you meet in the hub, before you do missions. He casually mentions Barbaros, implying that he’s not important when finding his body is the entire driving force of the plot! He doesn’t even mention Captain Rose, the antagonist.

He also says he enjoyed the “little comedic cutscenes” throughout the game. Given all the footage he shows, I have serious doubts he actually beat the game.
IG goes over the concept of going to various areas and finding treasure chests to put Barbaros back together. You know, you could have mentioned how this is important in your story synopsis up there.

1:31 - 1:48: Around here he gets into the “downsides”. *holds up shield* Here we go.
He says it’s not an action game but “more like a puzzle game”. Well, it’s a point & click adventure game. You know, like Monkey Island or Sam & Max or Maniac Mansion. It’s kind of obvious.
“The way the controls are set up are racially different from anything I ever played” This was the Wii’s early days when they were still experimenting. Bores, it’s an adventure game! Like Day of the Tentacle or Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis.
He then says this should be on PC because you keep pointing and clicking. …GOD DAMN IT! How stupid is he? How the hell did GottGame (back when they had two T’s) think this was a good idea when he clearly has no idea what a point & click adventure game is?!

1:48 - 2:24: He continues complaining about the controls saying it’s all you do, whining about all the clicking. You know, I’m glad he didn’t review TellTale’s Back to the Future. Because THIS IS IDIOTIC! This video is only 3 minutes 15 seconds, most of it is complaining about how you “point and click” in a point -and-click adventure game! Ugggh.
He then does a stupid gag about how it gets so annoying he wants to click on his garbage can and throw it out. He’d probably brag how this simple effect took so much time to perfect.
IG follows up with a complaint about how after a cutscene he can’t find his pointer. It’s right there, in the upper-left. How can you not see that? It’s not that hard to find.

2:25 - 2:48: IG brings up how you use your Wii-mote to do various actions with a little guy in the corner telling you what to do. On the third one, he’s doing a sawing motion… except Bores thinks it “doesn’t look right”. Oh look, a masturbation joke. A recycled one too since he did the exact same joke in Zombies Ate My Neighbors (before changing it). This is just boring!

The video fizzles out with Bores saying he likes it but it could have been better, and that people should rent it. Zzzzzz.

Well that was awful. When it wasn’t full of massive ignorance it was just duuuuuuull. Bores had no energy, it sounded like he just woke up. Again, how does he not know what a point-and-click adventure game is? He’s not 10, he was alive when they came out!
It was quite obvious he only played the first two levels as that's all the footage shows. Lazy and terrible!
On the bright side, it could have been worse. Barbaros is a skeleton and he could have had a scene with Ronnie showing up.

Yeah I know it was a short post but this was a short video where not a lot happened. Next Redux Recap will be… oh no no no. E.T. for the Atari 2600.
Perhaps Bores will release something new soon… or I could be crazy. *sees the walls bleeding blue*

Year End List: Top 15 Worst IG Moments of 2011

2011-12-25T19:23:00.004-06:00

It‘s almost 2012 everyone! The year of our supposed doomsday… Pffft.
It’s also time for me to reflect on the worst Irate Gamer moments of the year. Poorly-made videos, stupid ideas, the usual lunacy that comes from a hack writer.

But first, the video tally! IG actually did much better than last year, but that isn’t saying much.

Three Irate Gamer episodes (RoboCop, RoboCop Part 2, and Masters of the Universe)
I’m counting the RoboCop videos separately as they were three months apart. Next to no improvement from last year, and if he keeps up this level of pacing then we’ll be at the Playstation 5 by the time his storyline has any resolution.

Eight IG Neo episodes (Kirby’s Epic Yarn, Marvel vs. Capcom 3, Sonic Colors, LittleBigPlanet 2, Mortal Kombat, Video Game Roundup, Mortal Kombat Arcade Kollection, and Batman: Arkham City)
Once again, he puts out more Neo videos than anything else, which makes me wonder why he still bothers with the retro stuff. It doesn’t matter as most of the time he reviews the games months after they come out.

One History of Video Games episode (Pong Consoles)
… Seriously? This is getting sad now.

Five 80’s episodes (TMNT Cereal, Micro Machines, Masters of the Universe figures, Madballs, and Kinnikuman/M.U.S.C.L.E.)
Once thought to be a dead series, I Rate the 80s (Breakfast Rant 2.0) had an out-of-nowhere comeback, with more updates than his regular IG videos. Prompting many to believe this is his regular series now, which makes it confusing why he still calls himself the Irate Gamer. It’s just as stupid though.

One movie review (Top Ten Summer Movies)
I’m counting the 2-part video as one because both parts were released within a few days of each other. Why did he even bother making this list if he was never going to review any of the movies? He can’t even use his “busy schedule” as an excuse, his movie reviews have zero effort put into them. Maybe we can declare the movie reviews just as dead as the Chris & Scottie Road Trip?

Two sketches (Aflac Auditions and Ronnie Sings Deck the Halls)
In one of his ego-stroking videos, IG announced he would be doing sketches with his side-characters. There was panic, followed by indigestion. First we got a video where IG and his side characters audition to be the new Aflac duck after Gilbert Gottfried was fired from the role. It was unfunny and stupid, and IG made himself look “so perfect” compared to his other creations. I am not counting the “deleted scene” (see Other below).
The other video was a Ronnie the Skeleton Christmas Special and… read the list to see.

Twenty-Seven E3 videos
I stand corrected, he put out more overly-idiotic E3 coverage than anything else this year (not counting the final category) and it was just as blindingly stupid as last year. Vague questions, no new info, released long after E3 ended while many other sites had better coverage within the same day! … It’s really no different from last year. It dragged on and on and on.
I’m also counting the two videos he did with Raychul Moore because those had just as many stupid moments.

Thirty-Four “Other” videos
“Other” refers to videos that don’t count in the above categories. These include update videos, trailers, contests, non-E3 news, trailer “reviews”, videos stroking his ego, as well as the Aflac Auditions “deleted scene” and HoVG Part 1 in HD (remastered video thus it doesn’t count). As you can tell, he had plenty of time to make this kind of shit.
This was a difficult one to count up as he actually deleted videos from his account, so this number may not be 100% accurate.

With all that out of the way, onto the list! Because there was an increase in videos this year, it’s now a Top 15 instead of a Top 10.

15. Sonic 4 wasn‘t refreshingly new enough? But you said…
IG looked at Sonic Colors this year and surprisingly he didn’t bash it, then again Sonic Colors was actually a decent game. Of course, he took this opportunity to bash the other recent Sonic games again, notably Unleashed (might I remind you, he only played it for 90 minutes). He took a brief aside to talk about Sonic 4 to say he wasn’t impressed because it wasn’t refreshing or new. WAIT A MINUTE! In his Sonic Unleashed review, he bashed the game for being too different and wanted Sega to back to the basics. But when they do he doesn’t find it “refreshing” enough? You are the king of hypocrisy Chris Bores.

14. “I’ll eat this 20 year old cereal, what can go wrong?”
In the “triumphant” return of I Rate the 80s, Bores talked about TMNT cereal. Predictable given his love of the food. Most of the video was him talking about the box, and it was duuuuuulllllll. Who the hell wants to hear what’s on a cereal box?
But the dumbest part is at the end, where he decides to take a bite. Unsurprisingly, he spits it out in disgust. Well, no shit! It’s 20 year old cereal, of course it’s going to be rancid!
What really gets me though is that on Facebook he revealed he did SIX TAKES of him eating the cereal just to get “the right shot”. There is something seriously wrong with you.

13. “Early review of MvC3? Better milk the fuck out of it!”
It’s rare that Bores reviews a modern game 2-3 weeks within release, so it came as a major surprise when he released a review of Marvel vs. Capcom 3 the day before it came out. Almost like a professional reviewer. Granted, it was a bad review with the usual research failure and side-tracking away from important topics (I’m going to spend most of it talking about unlockable characters). Now, a normal reviewer would move onto the next game. As we’ve learned, IG isn’t normal.
Along with the game review, we got “reviews” of the game’s four opening cinematics, which amount to playing the entire clip and saying “that was really cool” afterwards. With such brilliant insight like “I liked it when Spider-Man climbed the wall” and confusing C. Viper for Jean Grey (showing he never played Street Fighter IV). The fourth video even had a glitch that caused the entire clip to play again. Oddly enough, he removed two of the videos ( and no, not the glitched one).
That’s not all, at GotGame he posted a video of him playing the game. He showed footage, then it cut to him “Winter Gaming” and then it cut back to the footage. What’s the purpose of this video? Hell if I know.
Maybe GotGame will learn to never send him early copies again.

12. Why does History of Video Games still exist?
IG claims he started this series because “books weren’t visual enough”, but the real reason is an attempt to convince the haters that he really is a gamer. Five videos later, not only has he not convinced anybody that he’s a gamer, but he’s made things worse. The single video about Pong Consoles isn’t making him look any more credible.
He can claim job security all he wants, but there’s no reason for this series to go on or even exist.
What makes me laugh is that he’s planning a DVD. The logic center in his brain must be malfunctioning, you can’t release a DVD titled “History of Video Games” that doesn’t even cover the Atari 2600, much less anything from Nintendo, Sega, or Sony. Just… wow.

11. MOI-CHENDISNG!
In 2007, Chris started selling an Irate Gamer t-shirt. It was bland and unappealing. Shortly afterward he released a rushed DVD of his first 11 episodes. People quickly called it out as garbage and an obvious cash-grab to beat the AVGN’s first DVD. Afterwards things were silent for a long time.
This year, we got a lot of shit. Not only did IG have his first DVD “professionally pressed” with a new box art, but he released volume 2 and 3 at the same time. Along with that, a new t-shirt and a… mouse pad?
The t-shirt and mouse pad have an extremely ugly design that looks like a kid was playing with mustard and chocolate. Why anyone would want to wear something that ugly in public is beyond me, and I’m blind to fashion. The mouse pad also looks like it was made with tissue paper.
I can’t say much else about the DVDs as nobody has uploaded the contents online and there’s no way in hell I’m giving him my own money. Judging by Charlie/2600theatari’s video of him spazzing out over the DVD, it looks just as flimsy as before.

10. “I’m a huge Mortal Kombat fan, but the classic games aren’t very good”
IG has gone on and on about being a massive Mortal Kombat fan, even using it as a flimsy justification for hating Tekken 6 (which was already a bad excuse for not knowing Tekken is a fighting game). So when he released a video reviewing Mortal Kombat Arcade Kollection, people were expecting a heavily biased love-fest that would bore us all to tears. What we got instead was Bores outing himself as a massive hypocrite.
Going on about how he loved the originals, playing the first on Sega CD (such an obvious lie) he ended the review saying “these aren’t good because the new one left me jaded”. What the hell does that mean? The best I can think of is “I’ve been lying this whole time but I suck at covering it up” It would be like a Zelda fan that loved Link to the Past and Link’s Awakening, gush about them for ages, play Skyward Sword, play the old games and say “Wow, those old games were really lame”. IG was never a Mortal Kombat fan.

9. “People think I’m turning decent? I can’t have that! I‘ll dress as Skeletor!”
Despite the stupidity of eating 20 year old cereal and talking about a box for three minutes in his return to I Rate the 80s, people still found it better than his normal output. He followed up with a Micro Machines video that even some of the haters said was decent (I don’t see it). Prompting people to believe he’s finally redeeming himself and he’ll actually become- NOPE!
He followed with a look at Masters of the Universe action figures. It had research failure, horrible gags, non-existent reviewing (listing off the figures is the same as reviewing right?) and idiotic sketches with Chris dressed as Skeletor (without wearing a shirt), IG doing the laziest He-Man transformation ever (no changes!) and a completely random reference to the Trix Rabbit (that still shows research failure, it was the kids that said “Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids” not the Rabbit!) This video made people realize this “I Rate the 80s” stupidity was just as bad if not worse than his regular output. The Madballs and Kinnikuman videos furthered that.

8. The pacing of his “Shadow Overlord” story arc
Normally, I’d point out the insanely slow pacing of History of Video Games. But after two years it’s tiresome. Instead I’ll point out the absurdly slow pace of his storyline. Storylines in internet reviews are nothing new (Linkara, The Game Overthinker, JewWario, Apollo Z. Hack, etc.), and while enjoyable to many, some are negative towards their existence. Some stories are dropped *cough*Apollo*cough*, but IG is insistent that his is an “on-going epic”. That would be nice if it MADE ANY PROGRESS! Not just in story pacing, but in actual video releases. People would probably care more for your dumb villains and “heroics” if they were more common. But no, it’s just as sluggish as … everything else he does.

7. “Robot invasions are boring, I want to tell a fantasy story!”
When IG started his storyline, the first arc was a robot invasion story. His Odyssey was stolen (7-Up Spot) and it somehow made robots that started invading a nearby city (RoboCop). What did IG do? Send out the newly-reformed R.O.B. to one-shot them all as he sat on his ass playing RoboCop games. … Weaaaak. For added let-down, Evil Gamer attempts to stop R.O.B. but doesn’t put up any resistance as R.O.B. casually shoots him. For someone that complains about the endings in video games all the time, you have major issues setting up your own.
At first, I didn’t think it was the ending as his website listed the following episode as the “Robot War Aftermath” (Pffft, war). … We didn’t get that.
Instead we got a complete shift in tone and genre. Nothing about the previous arc was brought up other than R.O.B. being his sidekick and a brief mention of Shadow Overlord. It’s almost like it never happened.
Instead of robots and sci-fi, IG gets a magical sword that powers him up a/la He-Man but lazier (all he did was change into a red shirt, and somehow that’s still better than the transformation mentioned above). Then the ending reveals he’s “the chosen one” that must defeat Shadow Overlord, further cementing his massive Sue status. The jarring transition only serves to show that Chris is obviously making this up as he goes along, and for someone planning out a story this is a BAD MOVE!

6. “Here’s my Christmas special. An annoying Jewish stereotype singing!”
IG and holiday specials have never got along.
In 2007, all he did was release a montage of his videos with a snow overlay, then cut to him saying Merry Christmas to everyone followed by a random Bullet Bill flying by him. Because “herp derp I can do sprites” or something. Oh, and an Elf Yourself video with IG, Tony, Ronnie, and Devil Bores (because nothing says Merry Christmas like the prince of darkness!) This video got removed from YouTube.
2008 saw the most effort with two Top 5 lists of his favorite NES and DS games.
2009 had a shoe-horned bit at the end of his Kool-Aid Man video.
2010 had… nothing! I think all we got was some text on his site.
This year though, he did something vastly different. Something… wretched and foul. A macrocosm of concentrated annoyance.
Ronnie the Skeleton *sighs* singing.
Ronnie invites his… family. This includes his “French brother” Dirk and his mother *holds back vomit*. Then they start singing Deck the Halls with Ronnie and Dirk trying to upstage each other, along with some really lame slapstick. The Three Stooges they are not.
Yes, it’s the same Dirk from the “Days of Our Skeletons” joke. So he hired his brother to be an actor, and why does his brother have a French accent anyway? God damn it I’m over thinking this again!
At some points, Bores doesn’t even bother disguising his voice. It really is a painful video, I wouldn’t be surprised if you couldn’t sit through all of it, and it’s only 2 minutes long!
Here’s the best part, he’s actually SELLING an MP3 on his site. Annoy your friends with a nasally Jewish person singing a Christmas song. How does Bores not notice Ronnie sounds like a stereotypical Jew?

5. “I don’t like change! Kirby must eat not play with yarn!”
At E3 2010, Bores kept saying he was not impressed with Kirby’s Epic Yarn. Months later in his review of Donkey Kong Country Returns, he called Epic Yarn a “let-down”. After bags of hate-mail he released a review of it in January.
What we got was a highly hypocritical whiny review that amounted to “Waaah I don’t like change!”
His constant complaining about the easy difficulty only made him look like massive hypocrite given his constant complaints about games being too hard. He clearly had no idea how the medal system or beads worked. What’s strange is he loves the Lego Star Wars games and those have a similar punishment for “dying”.
Given his obsession with food, I imagine Kirby’s inability to eat enemies is why he hated this game. It got so whiny that he complained that there were TOO MANY bonus levels. What kind of shithead does that?
That’s not even getting into the horrible “Facepalm” gag he was doing. We’re not eight years old Chris, we know what a Facepalm is!
Even after the review came out, he continued to salt the wound by reminding us how much he hated Epic Yarn in small videos about Kirby’s Return to Dreamland. We get it! Move on!

4. “FREE STUFF FREE STUFF! Please subscribe to me I neeeeed it!”
Chris is no stranger to contests, having given away a free PS3 and some free energy drinks in the past. It often seemed like a way to regain lost subscribers after putting out really bad videos.
2011 saw a massive increase in contests. It was such a scam yet nobody saw it. Giving away obsolete plastic shit or his own merch, either way it was obvious subscriber bait.
At one point, he started doing WEEKLY contests. He was screaming desperation now. He couldn’t even keep up with it as after a month he declared they’d be bi-weekly now, and even then he hasn’t kept that promise.
Strange how a guy that got his start ripping off people better than him has now reduced himself to giving away stuff in order to keep fans, rather than produce actual content.

3. The RoboCop review
Of the three regular Irate Gamer episodes released this year, this is the one I disliked the most. It was long, boring, and even offensive in some places. Completely forgetting the only crossover he ever did (SWAGshow must be so proud of you) we got an episode reintroducing Tony as a violent asshole, a horrible Days of Our Lives parody with Ronnie, a review that shows IG has never seen the movie, an unfunny scene with IG shooting the cast of That 70’s Show, the most generic robots ever, an out-of-nowhere heel face turn for R.O.B. that Tony somehow built of nowhere since he disintegrated in the R.O.B. episodes, and overall it suuuuucked. Yet somehow we’re supposed to buy this his epic storyline when it’s about as “epic” as grating cheese.
Oh and a joke that’s not only worse than “Call 911 I was ROBbed”, but overly explained because he thinks we’re idiots.

2. “Three games in six minutes? I can do better! How about four games in three minutes?”
My worst moment from last year was the abysmal 3-in-1 review. It showed that Bores not only doesn’t care for his show, but he doesn’t care for his fans. Requests my ass! There was even fan backlash, something rare for IG since he blocks all kinds of criticism.
Did he learn from this and realize he should honor & respect his requests? NOPE!
In fact, he did worse. He reviewed four games and gave even less time and effort to them. Green Lantern has upgrades? Yeah, like every other God of War clone. Lego Star Wars has new stuff? Like what? That’s literally all he said! Mario’s Sports Mix is repetitive? Well yeah, it’s a sports game. They usually are! Shattered Dimensions got the most time and even then it was half-assed. The video was lazy, sloppy, and represents everything wrong with the Irate Gamer.
What shocks me is that the fans were saying it was amazing. Seriously? Are you that easily entertained that “it has new stuff” is good enough for you? This only further convinces me that most of his audience consists of kids.

1. “Blowing up game companies is hilarious! There’s no way this can backfire on me.”
GotGame once again brought IG to E3 this year, and somehow gave him even more interviews and press access. He got into every major conference… except for one.
Due to overbooking or other issues, IG (and perhaps the rest of the GotGame crew) couldn’t get into the Ubisoft conference. A normal person would be disappointed but they would move on. IG on the other hand… good lord.
He made a response video outside of the theater the conference was taking place, talking tough like he’s someone you shouldn’t mess with, tells his camera man to take out a “button” which was really the camera’s lens cap, IG “presses” it, and it cuts to an image of Ubisoft’s office exploding. … What the fuck?
This is immensely unprofessional. Say what you will about Spoony screaming “BETRAYAL” after seeing the new XCOM, at least he didn’t threaten violence! This only shows Chris Bores is an unprofessional douchebag that shouldn’t be allowed at events.
But you hear the fanboys saying “oh it’s a joke, don’t take it seriously” NO! Directly addressing a major company with a THREAT OF VIOLENCE is not a joke. Not only does it look bad for Bores, it looks bad for GotGame. I wouldn’t be surprised if at next year’s E3, Ubisoft forbids them from entering because of that video. I’m surprised GotGame didn’t punish him or kick him off the site for that.
And why did IG care so much? Is he a major Ubisoft fan? Is he obsessed with Assassin’s Creed and needs to find out if the next game has Ezio or not? What games has he even reviewed from Ubisoft? *looks* Turtles in Time Reshelled. That’s it! So why did he care so much?
The video was a disgusting display of journalism, Bores should be ashamed of himself and if GotGame has any sense they won’t bring him to E3 2012.

So those are my Worst IG Moments of 2011. One hell of a year everyone. It was so bad that I asked you to give your worst moment, and here they are!

Arthur Arneiro: Kirby’s Epic Yarn review
The Bastard Gamer: Mortal Kombat Arcade Kollection review
BattleFeverJ: Ubisoft E3 video
blueluigi: Bringing back I Rate the 80s
claudiocardenas92: The ROB-O-Cop joke in the RoboCop review
Cody S.: The 4-in-1 Video Game Roundup
Deliverance115: The overabundance of contests
Derek: The Days of Our Skeletons joke in the RoboCop review
DLAbaoaqu: The 4-in-1 Video Game Roundup
Doresh: Mortal Kombat Arcade Kollection review
Dromador: The Facepalm joke in the Kirby’s Epic Yarn review
EHeroFlareNeos: Turning himself into “the Chosen One” in his storyline
EricKirby: Masters of the Universe video game review
F.A. Whitehead: Kirby’s Epic Yarn review
fattoler: Shirtless Skeletor Bores in the He-Man action figures review
gostars3000: Showing footage of China instead of Japan in the Kinnikuman review
Gr. Rock-River: Eating 20 year old cereal in the TMNT cereal review
Guru Larry: Ubisoft E3 video
Hegerfors: Resident Evil Operation Raccoon City E3 video
InanimateGamer: The continuity failure in the RoboCop review (Tony being hand drawn in high school when he used to be a sprite, Wise Sage knowing him in high school despite the Contra review).
Jamin T.: The ROB-O-Cop joke in the RoboCop review
Keith: The re-branding into “Irate Entertainment”
Locus Ceruleus Media: His semi-misogynistic behavior towards Raychul Moore at E3
lordlaharl: The 4-in-1 Video Game Roundup
MortalKombat2007: Harping on starting over in the RoboCop Part 2 review
Neoguest: Masters of the Universe action figure review
Pohger: His hypocrisy in the Sonic Colors video saying Sonic 4 didn’t add anything while back in his Sonic Unleashed video he complained they should go back to the basics
Random Man: Wanting a gritty adult Legend of Zelda as stated in his Top 5 E3 Disappointments
RJ: Ronnie the Skeleton sings Deck the Halls
Sabertooth: Madballs review
Shadow19: Wanting a gritty adult Legend of Zelda as stated in his Top 5 E3 Disappointments
Shaolin Dave: Shirtless Skeletor Bores in the He-Man action figures review
Soverign64: Ubisoft E3 video
Speeddasher: Kirby’s Epic Yarn review
St. Lizard: Aflac Auditions
starofjustice: Making his storyline a generic “good vs. evil” plot
The-CRZA: Mortal Kombat Arcade Kollection review
ThroningErmine8: Ubisoft E3 video
TTBurger88: Mortal Kombat Arcade Kollection review
TheUltimateBastich: Mortal Kombat Arcade Kollection review
UltimateCharm: Ubisoft E3 video
Vex: Ronnie the Skeleton sings Deck the Halls

So that’s all for 2011. I hope you enjoyed reading this insanity the past year, not entirely sure what to expect in the next one. Actually, I foresee research failure, boring reviews, heinous sketches, and empty promises. Either way, I’ll keep myself on my toes.
Thank you all so much for reading and contributing, I’m really surprised that so many people continue to look at this. Then again, as long as Bores continues to put out garbage I’ll continue to write up posts debunking him. Showing people that he’s not as brilliant as he says.
Again, thank you all so much.

Want Your Thoughts In The Year End Post?

2011-12-21T21:14:00.005-06:00

2011 is coming to a close, meaning my annual "Worst IG Moments" list is on its way. However, I want to try something different this year. I want you, the readers, to give your thoughts.

What is your worst Irate Gamer moment of 2011? Tell me and I'll include it.
Just post a comment or drop me an e-mail at BatDanKnight@gmail.com along with the name you want to be called.

RULES:
1. Please be specific. Don't say "Everything he does". It can be a moment, a series of moments (running jokes), or an entire video(s), but it can't be "everything".
2. It has to be from 2011. No Aladdin, no 3-in-1, and no Harmony of Despair (even if the YouTube version went up in 2011, it was originally a 2010 video).

The deadline is December 31st.
Have fun.

EDIT: I should mention this is YOUR personal opinion. They will be shown after my list.

Informative Tidbits

2011-12-12T12:41:00.003-06:00

You ever wonder how many subscribers a YouTube user gains or loses in a day? How about a month? Well, thanks to the site SocialBlade you can find out!

http://socialblade.com/youtube/

Looking up the Irate Gamer's stats is... pretty telling.
Earlier this month, YouTube had a redesign. It sucks. Along with this, they did an account purge. Inactive and suspended/closed accounts have been deleted and a multitude of YouTube users lost subscribers. Including IG, losing over 100 subscribers. This may not seem like much but considering his fairly slow growth rate (he NEVER gets more than 60 subscribers a day) that's saying a lot.
Considering he was one of the first YouTube partners, having a cushy spot on the front page next to WhatTheBuck and smosh, it says a lot that he barely gets subscribers now.

However, the purge is long over and he's still losing subscribers. These look to be genuine unsubs. Sounds like people are finally tired of his slow schedule, lack of content, and overuse of contests. I can't blame them.

That's not all I wanted to discuss.
IG does not have a title card artist. Well, he has Drew but he's not consistent. He only did like... three? All the other title cards were made by Bores himself. Nowadays he doesn't even bother making them.

I learned from a source that wishes to stay anonymous (they also gave me the above info about SocialBlade) that fans on deviantArt have actually offered to make title cards for him, even sending them to Chris. He even accepted them, only for the fans to get burned when the title cards were never used at all. In fact, that seems to be common.
BigAl2k6 said in a vlog that he was friendly with Bores and even sent him footage to use for the show as a Gaming Expert. As you can tell, this footage was never used in the show. It sounds like Bores often has people do things but never puts them in his videos.
In fact, he turns down help a lot. Guru Larry has publicly said on Twitter that he's offered to help him proofread his scripts and point out any inaccuracies, but Bores declined.

I have no idea why Bores declines outside help so much. It may actually benefit him.

According to my Facebook informant, Bores says the next couple of videos he's planning are History of Video Games episodes, further delaying his stupid storyline. So, not only will his History of Video Games series never end, his plot with the Shadow Overlord will never end either. I sense more broken promises. Just like Deadly Towers, the NES Simpsons games, Need for Speed Undercover, Castlevania, and the return of the Genie.

That's all for now.

Kinnikuman Should Deliver a Kinniku Buster to IG

2011-12-08T11:54:00.005-06:00

The new I Rate the 80s is out, and sadly it’s not MTV. Making that last scene in the Madballs video a full-blown Big Lipped Alligator Moment. He probably saw that Family Guy episode with the same joke and thought “I have filters, I can do the exact same thing! I don’t care if it doesn’t make sense.”

Instead he’s going back to M.U.S.C.L.E. oh joy. At least he knows the series real name now, Kinnikuman, and put it in the title. Though, that’s just the title, he may not say it in the actual video.

*reads description* A new 80s toy? Isn’t that an oxymoron?

0:05 - 0:38: “Today we’re turning back the clock” Ugh, he sounds like a kid’s show.
“We must first travel to Japan” Do I sense green-screen bullshit?
Actually, we just get an effect where footage falls on top of him. Footage of CHINA! That’s not Japan you damn idiot! Not all Asians are alike Bores.
He brings up how the series started in Shonen Jump. Which one? The weekly one or the monthly one? Okay he says “weekly comic series” but remember there were two versions of the same magazine.
He also pronounces Kinnikuman’s name wrong. Not that shocking. If he couldn’t be bothered to pronounce Alexey Pajitnov, issues with Japanese names wouldn’t surprise me.

He mentions how it started as a joke comic (neglecting to mention how it was also an Ultraman parody) until it developed into a wrestling action series. Kind of like how Negima started as a Harem series, then became an over-the-top action series. Or how Medaka Box started as a slice-of-life comedy, then became a meta action series. Or how Bleach started as a bland Yu Yu Hakusho rip-off, then became a horrifically god-awful Yu Yu Hakusho rip-off. What?

0:39 - 0:52: He lists off some of the crazy wrestlers, then a voice rings out “That’s right!” Team Rocket?
No, it’s his Kinnikuman M.U.S.C.L.E. figure appearing out of nowhere, growing in size and jumping on top of him. Wooow, that was a bad effect. I sense this is going to be a running joke…

0:53 - 1:23: He briefly mentions the anime (and no he never says manga or anime at any point in this video) and then gets to the figures.
He brings up the first series having Kinnikuman, his sidekick (you mean Alexandria Meat?) his father (Mayumi Kinniku, what is with you and names?) his friends and enemies. Since he brought up Benkiman earlier (or, the urinal with legs) he mentions he came in a later set.
Then we get a scene with Bores trying to find a bathroom, stumbles across Benkiman, and he suddenly grows eyes and says “aw crap”. … Even though this was probably their intention, somehow I imagine Takashi Shimada and Yoshinori Nakai would be ashamed of this.

1:24 - 1:39: More history, Mattel brought the action figures over to America.
Oh no, another young Bores sketch. Why does he look like Mario? Also, if he’s supposed to be a kid, why is he taller than the store shelf? We’re supposed to buy that Bores is six years old here, and unless he was some freak of nature as a child then he shouldn’t be that tall! I’m sorry, but if you’re going to do stupid sketches like that then I’m going to point out how fucking stupid they are!

1:40 - 2:16: He brings up that they brought over the toys but not the anime or the manga. Well, for the anime it had to be heavily HEAVILY censored. Keep in mind this was still the 80s when G.I. Joe was forced to laser guns and toilet humor was not allowed. Don’t forget that anime was not popular in the 80s. Sure you had Voltron, you had Battle of the Planets, but outside of small circles it was not well-known. Plus, Kinnikuman’s unique art style would make it difficult to pull a “Carl Macek” and combine it with other unrelated shows.

As for the manga, well… the market was non-existent. Sure there was stuff like Barefoot Gen, Golgo 13, Lone Wolf and Cub, but there was really no market for it overall. Not like today. Plus, if they were going to make it for kids then it would require even more censorship. Because what’s intended for kids in Japan is MUCH different than what’s intended for kids in other countries. Fist of the North Star? Meant for kids. Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure? Meant for kids. See what I’m getting at?

He then goes into how Kinnikuman was renamed Muscle Man (which is a completely accurate translation) and some other annoying name changes. I would be fair to this part, but he ruins it with another scene of his Kinnikuman figure jumping on top of him. I knew it would be a running joke. Watch as he Kinnku Drivers it into the ground.

2:17 - 2:46: He notes how the American figures were different due to a bigger size and harder plastic. Wait, did you really waste money buying the Japanese versions? Why?
He found the idea of putting them in a garbage can case “cool”, notices a figure shaped like a garbage can (I’m not sure if that’s true), then Kinnikuman walks on. IG shoos him away, then he jumps on him again. COME ON you just did that joke! It’s dead now, don’t do it again.
EDIT: The "garbage can man" is actually a blender man named Mixer Taitei. Thanks to RW64 for this info.

2:47 - 3:12: He brings up other M.U.S.C.L.E. merchandise like colored figures and a poster that reveals there were 233 figures to collect. He mentions one figure he has that was left off the poster and is “highly collectible”. Kinnkuman walks on screen AGAIN and IG tells him to back off. Thankfully, he doesn’t jump on him again. But if he’s still using him, he will eventually.
Also, there were 236 figures. The poster was just missing a few.

3:13 - 3:39: IG mentions figures that were released only in Japan He lists a few off, ending on a baby Kinnikuman (Mantaro?) IG looks at it, tosses it into his disposal, and destroys it. What’s wrong with babies? No really, why did he do that?

3:39 - 4:29: He brings up how everything was over in 1987, the manga was done, the anime was over, and the toys stopped.
But then he brings up a giant box with all the figures released years later. Okay so that’s how he got the Japanese versions. He didn't spend days scouring eBay for them. Well, he probably scoured for this box but still…
He says it’s awesome but then gets angry because he wanted the anime dubbed in English. You know, fansubs exist… oh wait if your Tekken 6 video is anything to go by then you hate reading. Yeah, an English dub isn’t happening.

He does bring up Ultimate Muscle (Kinnikuman Nisei in Japan) but that was a sequel series and… oh no he’s planning to do an episode on it? It wasn’t made in the 80s, how can you… forget it the video is almost over.

He moves onto the rating. He loved the figures as a kid, but was disappointed they never aired the anime (again, censorship) giving it a “Nostalgic Mediocre”. Just because they didn’t air the anime? What kind of reasoning is that?

Angered by this rating, Kinnikuman appears and tries to jump him again. This time IG stands up and they start “fighting”. Oh dear lord these effects. It would have been less embarrassing to fight the actual tiny figure. The two go behind the desk, the giant hand action figure taps the table three times, and IG gets up “victorious”. He’s the only one, I feel like I was just mindfucked.

That was horrible! His logic behind the rating made little sense, the sketches were painful, the effects were vomit-inducing, he mixed up China and Japan, and the review portion was just as dull as usual. If this is the dominant series now, this is going to get painful.
On the bright side, we won’t see a review of M.U.S.C.L.E. for the NES since he already did one! … Wait, why didn’t he bring that up? This would have been perfect to get more ad revenue from that video. Did he seriously forget? Given how he says he doesn’t remember the games he reviews, I wouldn’t be surprised.

You know, I make jokes about him covering AIDS and Saddam Hussein since he declared he’ll cover “everything” from the 80s, but then I realize that there are only two things on this show. Toys and food. Is that all we’re going to see? That’s just sad.

I’m hoping this is his last video of the year. He’ll probably do some dumb contest or trailer review, something not worth covering. However, his site says the next History of Video Games episode is coming Winter 2011. So by the end of this month. We’ll see if that really happens.

What the fuck is a muscle?

UPDATE: Turns out Bores had a reason for not using anime and manga.
When asked about it from a YouTube user, he said "I refrained from using those terms for the mass audience"
... Where do I start?
1. It's not 1985 anymore, anime and manga are fairly mainstream!
2. What mass audience? The people likely to watch your videos know exactly what anime and manga are. You aren't getting old people wondering what this "new-fangled animu" is, most of your audience is kids!
3. Screw you, you insulting shit head. Once again, you take your audience for idiots. This is why people hate you Chris.

Special thanks to Zidane Tribal (a user, not the FFIX character) for getting this screencap: http://img16.imageshack.us/img16/5426/proofirategamer.png

For Making This Idiotic Video, I'm Sending You to Arkham City

2011-11-24T10:35:00.002-06:00

It’s Thanksgiving! Stuff your gullets full of bird and bread while watching family movies on TV. With the Irate Gamer though, this gives him an opportunity to release two new videos!

First is, as usual, more contest shit. Giving away download codes for BurgerTime World Tour on XBLA. How sad is your company that you have to rely on the Irate Gamer to give away free copies of your game?
He also says the next video is another I Rate the 80s. So you’ve just given up on the regular IG show? I blame the people that said “this is actually decent”. Turns out it was just as shit as his other stuff!

The other video is an IG Neo review of *sighs* Batman: Arkham City. Watch him ruin an amazing game with his lack of knowledge. At least the game is only a month old this time.

0:07 - 0:26: The video opens with IG reminding us it’s Thanksgiving with some stock turkey sound effects playing, not a good sign if I’m getting flashbacks to that dumb Donkey Kong Country Returns video.
He announces he’ll review Batman: Arkham City and gets confused wondering what that has to do with Thanksgiving. The exact same question can be asked with Donkey Kong Country Returns! You don’t have to make this Thanksgiving related.
“Let’s check this bad boy out!” Ah, seems Thanksgiving is also the day where IG decides he must horribly overact his lines.

0:27 - 0:41: “If you’re a fan of the gritty Batman that was reintroduced in the past few years” Past few years? I’m looking at these comics from the 1980s and these are fairly gritty and dark.
“Now the details in this game are what makes this one pop, and there are tons of them” Like? “Details” is a rather vague word Chris. You have to give details yourself and can’t rely on your stupid fans to take your word for it.

0:42 - 1:20: He brings up the villains, said they did a good job with the Penguin and that Joker and Two-Face are in it. Any mention of how Joker is voiced by Mark Hamill in his final appearance as the clown prince of crime?
He’s just being really vague about this, it’s like he’s taking lines from his other reviews and replacing the names.

There’s a clip of Two-Face saying “Bring out the defendant”, then a random shot of IG holding his controller, then it cuts back and Batman is facing Solomon Grundy. … That’s not how happened in the game. It was Penguin that had Grundy prisoner, not Two-Face. Two-Face was actually pretty inconsequential to the plot. After you tie him up at the beginning of the game, he doesn’t appear again until Catwoman’s final episode.
For some reason, IG doesn’t like the appearance of Grundy and remarks “I guess they can’t all be winners.” Screw you, Grundy is awesome.
He says that another villain done right was Catwoman. Actually, she’s more of the anti-hero Catwoman in this game considering you play as her.
“She looks so much like the Gymli’s version, it’s almost eerie” … What does that mean? What‘s a Gymli? *gets note* Ooooh he means famed comic book artist Jim Lee. See, he didn’t put any space between the given name and surname and added “the” at the beginning so it sounded like he was talking about some rejected Tolkien character. Enunciation? Second takes? Pshaw, Chris Bores doesn’t need those!

By the way, ever consider the characters were made to look and act like they did in the comics? It’s almost like Rocksteady gave a shit! Unlike you and this review!
Seriously, no mention of Mr. Freeze, Ra’s al Ghul and his daughter Talia, Harley-Quinn, hell you don’t even say Hugo Strange’s name and he’s basically the main villain!

1:20 - 1:55: “Now in this game, you’ll be running around this huge open landscape, which is Gotham City” While he’s not a Batman villain, I feel the need to quote Lex Luthor. *ahem* WRONG! It’s not Gotham, it’s a sectioned off piece of Gotham called “Arkham City” (it’s almost like it’s in the title). If you actually LISTENED to the story, you would know this!
He says exploring the city is fun because of all the sidequests. Care to name some? Like helping Bane get rid of Titan, saving hostages from the Riddler, finding his riddles, locating phones to trace Victor Zsasz’ calls before he murders his own hostages, no not going to mention them?
“You get to fly around the city” Batman doesn’t fly, he glides. There’s a difference.

He then brings up how they brought back the voice actors from Batman: The Animated Series here. Yes, they did that in the last game too. Care to say their names? Kevin Conroy & Mark Hamill (*cough*final appearance*cough*).
“And I think Harley-Quinn as well” You’d be right if this was Arkham Asylum. However, Arleen Sorkin did not reprise her role here, instead Harley is voiced by veteran voice actress Tara Strong. Honestly, you couldn’t take five minutes in IMDB or Wikipedia to find this?

1:56 - 2:24: He mentions how you use detective work to figure out puzzles, saying that some of these puzzles are headscratchers and can even kill you. Funny how the on-screen footage isn’t showing a puzzle but basic plat forming. There are puzzles in the game that kill you, but those are mostly set-up by the Riddler. Which makes sense given how the Riddler puts Batman into various death traps.
IG then says it’s okay because even dying is cool, showing a game over screen with Harley Quinn mocking you. Just like the last game, if you die the villain mocks you.

2:25 - 2:43: With 30 seconds left, IG realizes he needs to move onto the final verdict since these videos can’t be longer than 3 minutes for some reason.
“I simply love Batman Arkham City, and it contains a great storyline” A storyline that he brought up at NO POINT in this video. Nice going there!
He then recommends it for your Christmas list. Honestly, if THIS was the video I had to go by then I’d forget this game even exists.

The video ends with… oh screw you Bores. He impersonates Batman saying “I’m the Irate Gamer”, holds a cape in front of him, delivers his dumb catchphrase and leaves. Then after the credits card, he holds a Batman action figure to the camera and says “Happy Thanksgiving”. What kind of ending was that? God that was stupid.

Overall, this was just another dumb, generic IG video. He explained next to nothing about the game, anything he did mention was written to be as vague as possible, that ending was beyond horrid, and did he really have to make this a Thanksgiving episode? It’s rather easy not to make a Thanksgiving episode.
No mention of map challenges, Riddler challenges, THE GADGETS, the use of stealth, playable Catwoman, DLC Nightwing and Robin, nothing about the storyline, just a big pile of “Dis game are good and… that’s it”.

It’s quite obvious he never played the first game. That’s all for now. Let’s see how long it takes for that I Rate the 80s video to come out. I’m kind of hoping it’s MTV, not because I want to hear him talk about it, but I want some explanation for that out-of-nowhere ending involving A-ha’s Take On Me in the last video. I get the feeling it’s just going to be a Big Lipped Alligator Moment…

Redux Recap: Chris & Scottie's Unfunny Expeditions

2011-11-14T18:22:00.002-06:00

It’s been pretty slow lately, and he hasn’t uploaded anything new since Halloween. I think a Redux Recap is in order.

For the longest time, we thought Chris’ non-IG series were done with. Haunted Investigators hadn’t had a single new episode since 2006-07, but now he’s announced it’s returning. Breakfast Rants seemed dead, until it was re-tooled into I Rate the 80s. That series itself seemed dead until he released FOUR in a fairly short span of time. However, this is the one series I can safely say is done for good.

The Chris & Scottie Road Trip, an attempt at Bores trying to combine information and comedy. It went about as well you’d expect.
The premise is that Chris and his friend Scottie go around the world (stand in front of their green screen) with Chris giving poorly researched facts and Scottie acting like an idiot. Lines resembling jokes are delivered. As if the idea didn’t sound bad enough, we have to buy Chris Bores as the straight man. We are in trouble.

There were only three episodes of the series, the first was only put on the (now dead) Chris & Scottie Road Trip web site. You can read that recap here: http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2010/01/lost-road-trip-random-thoughts.html
It was made after my cut-off for the Redux Recaps (they’ll end when I get to Resident Evil 5).

The second was made in 2005 and happens to be a holiday-themed episode, Independence Day. Set off a sparkler and get ready.

Pre-intro: The video begins with Bores introducing us to what we‘re about to see, telling us he made this back in 2005 and that he has more episodes in the works. Oh ho ho ho. Hindsight is a bitch.

Intro: The actual video begins with Chris & Scottie in a green-screen kitchen. Come on, you couldn’t actually record that in your own kitchen? I can feel the dread already.
Chris announces they’ll be staying in the USA for this road trip. As they leave, Scottie gets confused over what direction he’s in. So, was that a joke?

Groom Lake, Nevada: The dopey duo head to Area 51. Scottie begins freaking out over the possibilities of UFOs and aliens, and one can see where this is headed.
After another fact I’m sure is incorrect, a bad spotlight effect that’s intended to be a UFO appears in the sky. Chris really abused the default effects in Particle Illusion/After Effects for this trip. The two run away.

Niagara Falls, New York: Oh wow, he didn’t even spell it right.
The two pinheads stand in front of the titular waterfall, rather some really bad water effects Bores found in Adobe. Scottie does a “funny” voice when Chris mentions this is the tourist attraction for lovers.
Chris mentions you can see Canada on the other side, Scottie tries to see but trips over the extremely flimsy barrier. If that were the real thing, far more people would have died at Niagara Falls.

Carson, California: The two head to the Home Depot Center (which Chris calls the Home Depot Arena, oops). Of all the sites in the United States you could have visited, why a stadium that opened in 2003? At least do one with historical significance, like Wrigley Field. That’s been around for nearly 100 years.
Chris mentions it was built for Soccer, with Scottie dejectedly putting it down.
“A lot of people watch soccer” It’s only the world’s most popular sport, duh! No, instead of mentioning that he brings up the food. Who cares that this is the largest Soccer-specific stadium in MLS? There’s food! Cause stadiums normally don’t have that?
Scottie doesn’t care and says soccer sucks, prompting a rather tiny soccer ball to bean him. I like how it cuts to a close-up for that part because there’s obviously no one else there to throw the ball and Chris had to do it.

Death Valley, New Mexico: Whoa whoa whoa! Death Valley is not in New Mexico. It’s on the border of California and Nevada. If you didn’t want to visit two California locations in a row, you could have tried something else or said Nevada instead.
Scottie is doing exaggerated “it’s too hot out” poses when suddenly we get footage of Wile E. Coyote in Looney Tunes: Back in Action. I’m sorry what?
The rest of the clip cuts between the duo and the Coyote. Scottie sees the Looney Tunes footage as a mirage. … Moving on.

Las Vegas, Nevada: The two are in front of Hoover Dam (which isn’t in Las Vegas). Chris provides the dam’s height, length and base width in the form of a question, which Scottie answers “a penguin!” … No. Just no.
“Welcome to Boulder City, New Mexico” Oh come on! Quit mixing up the locations! What’s sad is Boulder City is the Nevada city where Hoover Dam is located. Research is for losers!
“Construction started in 1930” You’re a year off, it was 1931.
But no time for that, we have more Looney Tunes footage! Scottie claims he sees the Coyote again, but Chris tells him he’s seeing mirages. I know Nevada is a desert, but I’m fairly sure mirages don’t happen at a populated area like the Hoover Dam!
Wile E. Coyote fires a rocket and since this is Chris’ own world, he successfully blows a hole in the dam. Cue the shitty stock effects!

The Bronx, New York: They head to Yankee Stadium. See, now there’s another worthy stadium, even if the one featured here has been torn down. Scottie scoffs because he doesn’t like the Yankees. Get it?
Chris goes on about his facts while Scottie taunts the green screen and continues to be a jerk. We then get a repeat of the “soccer sucks” joke as Scottie declares the Yankees suck and gets beaned with a baseball. There’s going to be Rule of Three Abuse isn’t there? Even in 2005.…

Burbank, California: The two are standing in front of Pixar Animation Studios, and Bores is wrong about locations again! Pixar’s headquarters is located in Emeryville, California, not Burbank. They’re not even close to each other.
“Pixar is most well-known for its movies Little Nemo and Toy Story” It’s FINDING NEMO! Little Nemo was a 1989 love it or hate it animated film with a sordid development history based on the early 20th century comic strip about a boy and his adventures in a dream-based world. Finding Nemo is a 2003 CG animated film about an overprotective clownfish single father searching for his son. There’s a difference!
Then a mouse walks by, which happens to be another default effect. I told you he abused them.
Suddenly more default effects show up as Chris gives more history, including a dust cloud that’s meant to be Speedy Gonzales (you can tell by the Spanish). Chris, Speedy Gonzales is a Warner Bros character, Pixar is owned by Disney, there’s no reason to make a Speedy Gonzales reference.
Noticing Scottie fidgeting because of the effects, Chris decides to let him choose the next destination.

Greece: What happens now is an unfunny gag where Scottie wants to go to Greece but they keep ending up in the wrong location. What I wonder from this is how are they traveling? Are they flying to each destination? If they are, then they shouldn’t get Greece wrong multiple times.
After Scottie gets it wrong FOUR TIMES (the last time being a Crisco Factory… hur hur), Chris takes them to the real Greece but immediately leaves because “we’re only doing the United States”. Scottie whines a bit about doing something but we’re never told what it is. That whole gag was pointless! I have a feeling it was only made to make Chris look good.

Las Vegas, Nevada: Again? Oh wait, first time wasn’t actually Vegas.
Oh look, a casino. What are the odds?
Chris gives some facts that are blatantly incorrect before mentioning a Star Trek museum. Quite a leap from “talking about casinos” to “there’s a Star Trek museum!”
After mentioning the museum, Scottie beams in and tells him to try the transporter with Chris confused about what just happened. Join the club!

Detroit, Michigan: Another stadium? I have a feeling I know what happens here.
Scottie is fidgeting some more as Chris arrives late. Scottie yells at him but Chris tells him he’s not in the mood after the “Greece fiasco”. Because switching the green screen four times is sooooo draining.
As Chris talks about the Joe Louis Arena, Scottie is mocking him in the background.
Why does Bores sound like he’s about to cry as he’s giving his history lesson?
Scottie continues to whine about Chris being late, prompting Chris to yell “hockey sucks!” and Scottie gets hit by a default effect that’s supposed to be a puck. We have rule of three! Thank God it’s almost over.

Outskirts of Town: Because it’s tough to spell Sandusky.
The “road trip” has finally come to an end, they say their good byes and for some reason get beamed up by the Enterprise. Pointless? Perhaps.
Followed by a weird zoom-in and the title card. I like how the early episodes called this the “Scottie & Chris Road Trip” but every other time he calls it the “Chris & Scottie Road Trip”. Sounds like Chris’ ego got in the way again and couldn’t allow Scottie to have top billing.

While that wasn’t as offensively bad as the pilot, it was still awful. The usual lack of research shines though, along with painfully unfunny jokes, Scottie is an unlikable annoyance, and this really should have stayed in Chris’ vault.

Normally, this is where I would end things. However, there’s one final episode to get through. Made three years after the last one, it’s pretty telling from this episode why the series never had another one.

Intro: We open on the new title card, now with Chris getting top billing over Scottie. Scottie also got a haircut.
I really don’t understand the purpose of doing a green-screen kitchen, can’t Chris clean his up for filming? Shouldn’t take too long.
This time, they two will be going around the world. As they leave, Scottie trips. Because he’s the comic foil and has no other purpose than to get hurt.

London, England: The two arrive in an excessively foggy London street. *sighs* Why not add some rain? Or a Buckingham Palace guardsman with bad teeth?
The two complain about the fog. “I can’t even see my own sandwich in front of my face!” You’re holding the sandwich! Learn how your fucking limbs work!
“You’d be surprised that London was once the largest city in the entire world” Chris, he was talking about his sandwich. How does that lead into “London was really big”?
“Now one of the titles London retains is having one of the worst crime rates in the world” Are you kidding? In what crimes? There are countries with genocide, drug lord, FAR FAR worse than what you’d find in a first-world country!
But guess what, that was setting up a joke! Scottie has his sandwich stolen, then Chris’ watch is stolen, and the power of editing steals Scottie’s shirt. This is more like the pilot, stereotypes everywhere!

Pisa, Italy: Um, how is the tripod not sliding over? Even if one was in the Leaning Tower, they wouldn’t be filmed at an angle. Perspective? Oh and I see Scottie got his shirt back.
“Our next stop on our tour brings us to the Leaning Tower of Pisa” “Pizza?” … How old are you Chris? Did you really think anyone over the age of 10 would find that funny? Don’t blame Scottie, you’re the one who write the line. He merely delivered it.
Scottie thinks it’s pizza because he’s so hungry because he couldn’t get his sandwich in London. In the time it took for the two to travel from England to Italy, at no point did Scottie consider getting something to eat?! Where’s the sense in this? Is Chris staving him? Does he not understand geography?
“No Scottie, we got a show to do” Oh, he is starving him. Such a kind man Chris.
“It’s hard to stand in here” No, that’s not how the tower works… ugh
And since it was so funny the first time, they do the “Pisa/Pizza” joke again. I smell Rule of Three.
“Now people all over the world come to see the Leaning Tower” “Of pizza!” Tired of the joke he wrote, Chris pushes him off the tower. Murder, lovely!

Yucatan Peninsula: Having somehow survived his fall, the two arrive at an ancient temple. Scottie still complaining that he’s hungry. Maybe you should work for someone else since Bores is obviously starving you.
But Chris promises him a sandwich, though Scottie wants a hot dog now, hoping there’s a vendor around there. With Chris telling him there’s no chance of a vendor being out there. This sounds familiar…
After a vague fact, a hot dog vendor appears out of nowhere with Scottie going to grab one. … You know, it’s one thing to reference The Simpsons, it’s another to quote The Simpsons, they’re in the dictionary now! However, this scene is neither a reference or a quote, it’s theft! Taken from a gag from the episode “’Round Springfield” with Homer wanting a hot dog in an inappropriate place (watching a surgery and a funeral) and a vendor shows up out of nowhere. This is the exact same joke! Defend the AVGN theft all you want, there’s no excuse for this.
Then an ice cream truck shows up, whatever I don’t care. What location are you going to now?

New York, New York: Seriously? Of all the things you can show in New York City, a cultural capital of the world, you show a fucking post office! Why?! Post offices aren’t exciting!
“Blah blah blah biggest post office” ADRENELINE-PUMPING ACTION!
Scottie runs excited that he won ten million dollars, but it wasn’t his mail and Chris tells him he could go to jail for opening it. Then, Scottie pulls out a copy of Action Comics #1. I love how Bores is looking at the back cover like THAT’S the impressive part. Chris’ tone changes and he goes to take it to the “proper authorities” with a devilish grin on his face. Wow, Bores is a real asshole in this video. Starving his friend, pushing him off a tower, stealing mail, I wonder if Scottie noticed this.

Hell, Michigan: *sighs* Well, I know what joke is going to happen now.
Blah blah blah history blah blah blah. Scottie keeps asking if there are other reasons it’s called Hell, eventually causing fake fire to appear. If you saw this joke coming, congratulations you have at least passed the second grade.

Downtown: Downtown what? Downtown LA? Downtown Chicago?
No it’s back home, they’re done. Wait, Michigan? He lives in Ohio! So they went from Hell to an unspecified Michigan city? Would have been nice to say something other than “Downtown”!
Chris takes out the copy of Action Comics #1 he stole from the post office and Scottie notices. Chris lies that they let him keep it because he’s the “host” with Scottie realizing he’s the host too and the video ends.

Somehow, that was worse than the 2005 video. Along with being painfully unfunny with predictable jokes written by 8 year olds, it was also annoying. Scottie was somehow worse than before and Chris was a major dickhead. I am so glad that this show never got anymore episodes. I would hate for them to visit Chicago.

And unlike Haunted Investigators or I Rate the 80s, I don’t expect this to get an out-of-nowhere return. The Chris & Scottie Road Trip website is gone, and while I’m not 100% sure about this but Scott Mitchell (his real name) seems to have severed ties with Chris. Hopefully someone can confirm this with me.

*slumps back* That’s it for now. Next Redux Recap is Zack & Wiki. Let’s see if Chris actually does a new video.

Madballs Drive IG Mad But Make Me Roll My Eyes

2011-10-30T12:03:00.003-05:00

It’s that time of year again, IG attempting another Halloween special. 2007 gave us Zombies Ate My Neighbors, a horrible video where he bashed an excellent game. 2008 gave us Monster Party, a turning point in IG’s videos where sketches have a higher priority than reviews. 2009 gave us the “premiere” of I Rate the 80s where he talked about Fruity Yummy Mummy, an awful cereal that was discontinued (with Bores showing how little he knows about business). Last year it was Castlevania: Harmony of Despair .

This year, it’s more 80’s crap. He’s going to look at Madballs, toy rubber balls that incorporate gross out humor (because that was popular for some reason). If it’s anything like his Garbage Pail Kids video, I better grab the most potent caffeine I can find.

0:04 - 0:18: IG’s set is all “dark and spooky” like the MK Arcade Kollection video. Seriously what’s with the cauldron?

“Short lived toys that brought on a whole new meaning to sports balls” First line in the video and it’s fucking stupid. Madballs were toys, they weren’t going to be a big sport or anything. They weren’t going to held on the same level as a baseball or a soccer ball, they were just rubber balls with faces.

0:19 - 0:43: “Back in 1985” Will you stop using modern day footage when establishing a year? It’s horribly anachronistic!

He brings up the Garbage Pail Kids and how they were huge hit. Never mind that Wacky Packages came first and in fact were the reason Garbage Pail Kids even existed.

IG holds up a baseball, but turns it around to show it’s one of the Madballs. My question is why did he “react” when he turned it around? He had a straight face while looking at the Madball part, but “shocked” when he turned it around to the blank side.

0:44 - 1:02: He lists off the original series Madballs, ending on Crack Head so he can bring up how its name was changed to Bash Brain due to the slang term for crack users. He also shows a picture of Paris Hilton. Yes, I’m sure she was doing crack at age four. At least show a drug user from the 80s. Like Eddie Van Halen, or Drew Barrymore.

1:03 - 2:02: He brings up how “smart” it was to not make them hard like baseballs. It’s more common sense than smart really. If you’re going to make a collectable in the shape of a ball, don’t make it hard enough to hurt someone and get sued.

Wait wait wait, his set is bright again! What’s the point of using the “Spooky Set” in the opening if you aren’t going to use it again? Consistency is for losers!

IG talks about “fan favorites” bringing up Oculus Orbus and Hornhead. For some reason he pictures of them float next to him. Hornhead speaks… oh God this is going to lead into a painfully unfunny sketch.

Bingo! Slobulus appears and argues that he should be on the promotional material. Screamin Meemie appears for no reason. They argue a bit, IG tells them they’re all gruesome enough to be on promotional material, calls Crack Head ugly, then Crack Head appears and hits him. Screamin Meemie laughs at him. Where’s the humor in this? Where’s the joke? How is this funny?

2:02 - 2:36: IG lists off the second series Madball, ending on Lock Lips. Why? Because it’s one he had as a kid, leading into… oh no he’s doing the JD stare.

A fucking flashback sketch. So *sighs* Little Chris here (dressed as Mario for some reason) bounces a Madball, it hits him in the head, and he starts crying. Could these sketches be anymore stock? Also, “Little Chris” here didn’t take much effort. It’s just Cousin Joey wearing red. He didn’t even bother to make himself look smaller, all he did was sit down.

2:37 - 3:10: IG notes that by the second series they’ve run out of ideas. Cue more annoying sketches!

Hornhead and Lock Lips tell him to explain himself. He says a couple are unoriginal (look in the mirror Chris) and that Snake Bait looks like a clown medusa. This causes Snake Bait to appear, hit him again and for Screamin Meemie to laugh. This will happen once more, god damn Rule of Three.

3:11 - 3:54: He brings up the various tie-in merchandise, lists off a few of them including a comic book from Marvel.

He then gets to the animated cartoon, but says it was only cancelled after one episode. Actually, there were two episodes made. Both released on VHS.

“I can’t recall if this ever aired on TV” It didn’t, they were only released on home video.

He mentions that it must have been horrific to be cancelled after one episode. Like the Chris & Scottie Road Trip? Oh wait, that had 3 episodes. My mistake.

His comment about the show has him get by a Madball and laughed at by Screamin Meemie (and we have Rule of Three, shocker of shockers). IG hits the laughing baseball.

3:55 - 4:39: Madballs were losing steam, so they attempted to release bigger ones (the Super Madballs as they’re called but he doesn’t mention). He mentions they “closed shop” after the toys started failing. Was that vault door necessary? These visual effects are distracting. … That might be his intention, so people won’t pay attention to his acting and bad writing.

He brings up the short-lived revival and how they “didn’t have the same appeal”. So how did they not have the same appeal? Is this your opinion or was this the public opinion? Because you have to take your age into consideration.

4:39 - 4:58: He moves onto the rating. Oh joy, more “nostalgic overload”.

IG says they didn’t have the same appeal as the Ninja Turtles and he rates it “Nostalgic Mediocre”. Whoa, a different rating? Maybe he’s realized that calling everything an “overload” is fucking stupid! … Wait, Nostalgic Mediocre? That’s terrible! You really couldn’t find a better name for your dumb ratings? Also, what is his criteria? What counts as an overload? He never explained how this shit works! Then again, he only called the show “I Rate the 80s” to appeal to the morons that thought his name was spelled “iRate” and not “Irate”, and in the first three episodes he didn’t rate anything at all.

The video ends with more sketches.

The Madballs themselves aren’t pleased with the rating and all gang up on him. Oh hey, I like these guys. They’re beating up Irate Gamer. I like to think of them as all the Super Mario Bros 2, Zombies Ate My Neighbors and Aladdin fans that he unknowingly pissed off. Freaky Fullback delivers one last blow, followed by more laughter from Screamin Meemie (and he’s broken the Rule of Three, bravo Bores you suck at comedy).

He wakes up… oh no no no he can’t be. He’s animated like the A-ha video “Take On Me”, then the song starts playing and one of the wrench guys appears. What? How does this make sense? He gets knocked out and suddenly he’s in a music video? I don’t get it! Is this to set up that his next episode is about MTV? Because I’m sure there’s a ton of better ways to set that up, ways that make some actual sense! It’s like Bores just did this to show “I can do filters now guys! Aren’t I cool?”

Also, how is he planning to release this on DVD if he has music from A-ha? Does Bores have any foresight AT ALL? God damn it this video was stupid.

It’s funny, I still remember when people were telling me that Bores was improving from TMNT Cereal and Micro Machines videos. Then came the He-Man video, and now this video. Yeah, he’s still doing the same bullshit he does normally. Lack of research, zero explanation, horrid HORRID sketches, and just overall idiocy. I’m pretty sure he got that Take On Me idea from Family Guy, they did a very similar scene that came the fuck out of nowhere. Are his little kid fans even going to get that?

And no mention of the video game? You'd think for someone claiming to be a hardcore gamer, he would at least mention the Commodore 64 game. Granted, that would require him to know what a Commodore 64 was.

Well that’s all. Who knows when we’ll see something new from Bores.

You've Turned Shao Kahn's Throne Into One of Lies!

2011-10-15T18:54:00.007-05:00

Huh, turns out he’s still doing IG Neo episodes for GotGame. I still wonder why he removed the site link though. Maybe he figured out he’s not the only person on the site and by linking it, his fans will see the other, sometimes better reviewers there. “NOOO they can’t learn about them! It’s all about me! Me me me!”

Anywho, what’s he looking at this time? Mortal Kombat Arcade Kollection. Oh joy, get your helmets on cause the bias steamroller is rolling on down.

Wait, a modern review of a retro game. I’m surprised he didn’t try to make a regular Irate Gamer episode out of this. Then again it probably wouldn’t fit into his dumbass plot.

0:00 - 0:24: That “opening title” thing he does is decked out in jack-o-lanterns and orange, signifying this is Halloween-related. You couldn’t have chosen an actual horror game to review Bores?

There’s Dead Space 2, Limbo, Resident Evil: The Mercenaries 3D, Splatterhouse, House of the Dead: Overkill, Amnesia: The Dark Descent (oh wait, he doesn’t do PC games), Dead Island, hell Plants vs. Zombies would be more appropriate. I know some of these aren’t too recent but when the hell has that stopped him?

IG’s room is dark with orange lights, he has a pot in front of him. Going by this and his latest contest video, this seems to be his “set” for Halloween.

“After the success of the latest Mortal Kombat game, I decided to go back in time and look at the Mortal Kombat Kollection now offered on the Playstation Network” And Xbox Live Arcade. By the way, the Kollection came out after MK9 did. I know what he means but the lines still sounds off-putting.

0:25 - 0:43: IG starts the game and gets an update notice. “ Gosh dang, I hate these things.” How is this a big deal? Just about every PS3 and 360 game has them when you first boot up a game after the initial launch. Patches are important to improving a game, and that’s what these updates do. They get rid of glitches and other issues. Also, gosh dang? What are you nine?

“After waiting for that damn thing to download” Yes, all 29MB of it. Sure takes foreveeeeeer to download something that big. I think Chris is off his Ritalin if this is a complaint.

“… the start-up screen here allows you to choose between the first three Mortal Kombat arcade versions… of the game” Technically no, you do get MK1 and MK2, but you don’t get Mortal Kombat 3. You get the updated Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3. There is a difference.

0:44 - 1:01: IG tells us that “back in the day” (pfft) he liked playing the Sega CD version of MK1 because it was identical to the Arcade version. Hahaha oh wow. Completely forget about the load times Bores? Or graphics that aren’t Arcade perfect? I really doubt he owned a Sega CD as a kid, he’s just pulling more stuff out of his ass.

“Playing the chure Arcade version is the way to go” What does that mean? I’m pretty sure “chure” isn’t a word. *gets note* Oh… apparently he was saying “true”. Would it kill him to enunciate?

He then brings up that he plays the game with his MK Arcade stick. I’m sure GotGame is glad their wasted money is being used, instead of being played for an hour and thrown away.

1:01 - 1:31: “Now this game is pretty much the exact same as the original” That’s not entirely true. There are sound issues and replaced sounds that weren’t in the original.

Blah blah blah nostalgic feeling blah blah blah.

It cuts to IG “Winter Gaming” with the PS3 controller. I thought he was playing with the Arcade stick? Consistency is for losers!

“And then I get my ass kicked? That’s just great…” Haw haw, I mean oh well.

“In case you’re wondering, all the Fatalities are here” *headdesk* Nobody was wondering that! It shouldn’t be a surprise that Arcade ports of Mortal Kombat have all the Fatalities! I’m 100% convinced, Bores doesn’t care for the actual fighting game part of MK, he only cares that there’s blood and gore.

1:32 - 2:00: He goes back to the menu and… gets another update. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He’s really doing this isn’t he? It’s like he couldn’t think of Mortal Kombat jokes, or any realistic jokes so he saw the patch update and thought “This will be my recurring joke, I don’t care if it doesn’t make sense”.

He moves onto Mortal Kombat II, says it’s good and violent, and loses again. Cue the constipated look of anger while staring at the camera! Man, he hasn’t done one of those in a while.

2:01 - 2:16: He heads to the menu and changes the difficulty to Very Easy (HA!). However, he claims that he felt no difference with the adjusted settings. Ahhh there’s the problem, it’s not too hard you just suck.

Well, the computer AI was designed to be cheap in order to suck more quarters out of players. But despite IG’s claim, there are differences in the difficulty. If one is a tiny-bit competent, they will win. Once again going back to him sucking. Man, imagine if Bores picked up an SNK game. It would end him.

2:17 - 2:39: IG brings up the Moves List, or “Cheat-sheet” as he calls it, in the pause menu. Yes, just like every other fighting game you’ve looked at on your show. Not sure how this is a big surprise to you.

He wins a match, performs a Fatality but… *sighs* that update shows up. The Rule of Three has once again been eviscerated, can’t have an IG episode without that happening. THIS ISN’T FUNNY!

“Ah son of a bitch.” His reaction was just as dull as that joke.

IG gets to the “final verdict”

“This one is best suited for old-school fans of Mortal Kombat” TELL ME MOAR!

He then says he got bored after a while. Wait wait wait. I thought he was a fan of Mortal Kombat? He always goes on and on about how great it is, and when he actually reviews the old games he says he was BORED of them? Once again, we have another lie from Bores. They just keep piling on and piling on and it is getting disgusting.

He also claims he was felt jaded because of the new game. That’s not what “jaded “means Chris. It would mean you didn't like the Kollection, and it sounds like you somewhat did.

Video over.

Well that was… lame. As expected he barely went into the games, focusing more on the violence. That update joke was dreadful and really out-of-place. And once again he LIES to us, he never was a fan of Mortal Kombat. He just claimed that to sound “cool” because it’s violent and liking violence means you’re cool or something. I don’t know, it’s just beyond comprehension at this point.

Then again, it's pretty obvious that he isn't a fan since he didn't spell it "Kollection".

In non-IG news, Bores announced that Haunted Investigators is coming back next year. Either this is another lie for more attention, or he's delusional enough to think that people were clamoring for more of that snooze-inducing tripe. Oh boy, can't wait to watch two idiots walk around an abandoned building finding nothing. Maybe one of them will run into a wall and blame the ghosts!

EDIT: Forgot to include the update video!

Here he DOES mention that it's also available on Xbox Live Arcade. Gee, you'd think a detail like that would be worth mentioning outside of an update video.

He says that DatBoiDrew needs help with his new game because he's "a friend of the show". I like how he says "the show" like it's really big and isn't just one guy sitting in a room, or he's unable to say "a friend of mine" for some reason.

And next is a Halloween episode of I Rate the 80s. I really hope it isn't Count Chocula...

HE-MAN and the Nonsensical Genre Shift (And There's An Atari Game)

2011-10-08T09:49:00.005-05:00

Wait wait wait, a new Irate Gamer episode is actually out? And it only took a month? Wow, I’m shocked. Maybe he’s figured out that 6 month long breaks is fucking idiotic and… wait how long is this episode? 5 minutes and 48 seconds?! Oh no, there’s going be zero effort put into this isn’t there? *sighs*

Before I get into the episode, I should bring up that Bores announced his self-indulgent contests will now be a weekly occurrence. I normally don’t do posts about his contests because the videos are only a minute and they’re an obvious trap for him to get subscribers. In the end only his ultra-hardcore white knights win, making it obvious how much of a scam it really is. The items aren’t even worth it. Puke-colored t-shirts and mouse pads?

Onto the video. According to the title he’s covering Masters of the Universe: The Power of He-Man for the Atari 2600 and Intellivision. Oh so he’s doing a reverse of the Kool-Aid videos from a long while back. Here he did an I Rate the 80s first then an IG episode. I’m still confused if those two are supposed to be “connected”.

0:01 - 0:46: The video opens right away to IG playing his Atari 2600. Apparently he’s playing the NES version Dig Dug on there. Oh great, one second in and he’s making himself look like a TV show that puts stock music over completely different games.

Then there’s a knock on the door. Maybe we’ll finally get Bores n’ Doors material?

On the other side it’s … a sage. No, not Eric Allen, but Bores dressed as another new character. He claims to have traveled many miles to give him a sword.

IG looks at it and sees the words “Sword of Inferno” on- WAIT A MINUTE! We saw both sides of the sword before he grabbed it and there was no writing on the hilt! Great, I can see what kind of awfulness we’re in for.

IG looks back up and finds the sage gone. *looks bored* Oh uh, ooooooooh spooky!

He walks back inside and tells ROB about the sword. Really? Are we really doing another ROB sidekick? At least make him stand out, make him snarky, or secretly plot to kill him, just seeing him sitting there is boring!

“It kind of inspires me to do an old-school game” That’s all you do! Considering Neo is a separate series, all you do here is old-school games. Ugh, not even a minute in. This is going to be awful.

*insert theme “song” here*

0:50 - 1:46: He very briefly explains the game (head to the right and shoot stuff) and says the goal is to keep going right until the timer drops down to zero.

“This shouldn’t take too long” Let me guess, it does take a long time and it will end with IG getting “angry”

*starts playing “waiting” music* Space aliens can telegraph these jokes!

As he’s “playing”, his room gets darker. Oh I see, he’s supposed to be playing into the night even though he obviously used stage effects to make it look darker.

He stops this gag and speeds up the footage to get to Castle Grayskull. It cuts to IG wearing a fake beard. Why do I get the feeling this doesn’t take that long and he’s just reaching for jokes?

1:46 - 3:00: He says the goal is to reach the other side without touching the pillars or getting shot. Cue brief montage of him unable to reach the other side, I’m pretty sure he’s walking into those on purpose.

“Looks like I need help for this one” Too bad the 2600 doesn’t have a Game Genie, oh well!

No, instead this prompts a sketch. IG looks at the sword and decides to try something. He does the He-Man battle cry (only he says Inferno instead of Grayskull) and… changes shirts. Well, it’s a step above no changes at all like the action figure video but really? The best this “transformation” does is give him the same exact shirt but in red?

So, Bores feels the need to spend money on a Kool-Aid Man costume, a Skeletor cloak, a black body suit, a bunch of wigs and beards, overalls that no 31 year old man should EVER be wearing, but he won’t spend a dime on a He-Man costume with fake muscles? They do exist, I’ve checked. This is just Bores being lazy again.

IG looks at ROB, shoots him with his sword and… nothing happens. Huh?

“Alright Battle Bot, let’s try this again” What? Battle Bot? What does that… Oh lord you can’t be serious. He made ROB a parallel to Cringer, and he just turned him into Battle Cat. What is with this ROB love? Turning him good, having him solve the “robot crisis”, making him a sidekick. This feels like Bores trying to be retro again.

Also, when Cringer became Battle Cat, he actually changed! Well, maybe ROB has new abilities?

IG wins the game while the He-Man theme plays. Sooo how is the DVD version going to work? Are you going to have a cover of the song? Hello?

“That was worth wasting my time with, lame *throws controller*” You’re right Chris, this video is lame.

He takes out the cartridge and throws it to ROB who… destroys it with a laser. Nope, no changes at all! You taste the lack of effort.

3:01 - 3:30: He moves onto the same game for the Intellivision. He notes it plays the same except for Skeletor at the bottom “distracting you”. Prompting more “spechul effetz” with Skeletor running across the screen and IG flicking him away. Skeletor screams “I regret nothing!” How is it a video less than 6 minutes long feels padded?

3:30 - 3:58: He reaches the next part where He-Man goes through a field dodging things and reaches Skeletor, has a brief sword fight, and moves on to the same type of stage.

“Well that skeletal pansy-ass!” I can’t tell if he’s excited or angry.

ROB’s eyes glow but IG tells him to stand down.

3:59 - 4:45: IG goes through again and reaches Castle Grayskull, with some added music to make this “suspenseful” or something.

He goes through AGAIN, saying Skeletor is throwing everything at you. Giving us a lame gag of Skeletor throwing farm animals and somehow himself, because Bores thought screaming “I regret nothing” the first time was hilarious, that he should somehow put it in a second time.

He brings up the timer at the bottom, if you run out of time a tornado will appear and take you back to the beginning of the game. It reaches zero and nothing happens, instead of celebrating that he didn’t lose, IG creates a tornado by playing the Warp Whistle song from Super Mario Bros. 3. That’s not how it works! The Warp Whistle takes you forward, not back! Also, what did Bores do to not cause the tornado to appear? Glitch? Editing?

EDIT: Turns out that's the whistle music from Legend of Zelda, only sped-up a little. The whistle music in both games has the same melody, but tiny differences. Thanks to Keith for pointing this out.

4:46 - 5:09: IG beats the game, has had enough and decides to show it “the door”. “Epic” music starts playing as he goes out of his room, throws the game, and it somehow hits Not-Wilson outside. Laaaaaaame!

The video ends in a different location. That sage from earlier walks up to another sage and informs him he delivered the sword. The other sage, an older one with a Santa beard and a hard-to-understand voice (yes, he’s also played by Bores. Not that shocking) is pleased and says that IG and the sword will be enough to stop Shadow Overlord. Are we really doing this? … So yeah, IG is the chosen one! This is getting worse and worse.

The credit title card appears, but then we get a stinger. Ronnie (AGH) shows up, and since IG is an idiot he thinks it’s Skeletor (never mind the different voice and cloak) and prepares to fight him. Then… it ends.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? Wow, this video was rushed in soooo many ways. Bores’ “super form” is lazy. He told us NOTHING about the games… again. The short length is a telling sign that he put zero effort into this.

He just seemed to completely forget about the robots from last time. Hell, the jarring transition from robots to sword & sorcery is enough to cause whiplash. Which makes it confusing since his site said this episode would be the “Robot War Aftermath”, nice to see that Bores LIED to us again. We don’t even get a reason for the change! What a joke.

Wait, powerful sages? Oh no, is he trying to bring The Dark Chapters to life?! This… is really REALLY going to suck.

Redux Recap: Stupid Smash Bores Six Million!

2011-10-04T15:52:00.003-05:00

You know, I used to hate Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Until I really thought about it and wondered “Why do I hate it?” Until I realized “I gave into the hype”. Years later, the hype has died down, I’m a little more willing to like the game. That’s not to say it has a lot of flaws. Online has major issues, there’s still too many “clones”, the inclusion of Lucas was a huge slap in the face to Earthbound fans, the final smashes sometimes made things unfair, and a few other problems. Still, I feel better about the game now.

But enough about me, here’s IG’s episode on Super Smash Bros. Brawl.

Why did he review this game? Easy, it was popular and lavishly praising the game would get him views. And boy did it ever, IG’s video has over six million views, making it the most viewed video on his channel. Either way, it’s still a terrible video.

0:18 - 0:38: “If you enjoyed playing Smash Bros. Mee-lay for the Gamecube…” It’s “May-Lay”, you’re pronouncing it wrong! Second line in the video and we’re in trouble.

He goes on about Brawl being the same but with more stuff, and as he rambles I notice that he’s not very good at this. Playing as Bowser, all he’s doing is holding B (or whatever button it is on the Wii remote) and spitting fire, just waiting for the computer to get him. Not surprising he sucks at Smash Bros.

0:38 - 0:53: “Before I start the review, first things first, let’s talk about the roster of character” Isn’t that technically part of the “review”?

“For the past few months…” Months? Try years! Brawl was officially announced in 2006 and didn’t come out until 2008. Forums were ablaze during that time, especially with people thinking Cloud or Master Chief would be in it thanks to Solid Snake being confirmed. Hell, since the announcement of the fourth Smash Bros there’s been crazy speculation on who will show up.

0:54 - 1:19:“In Smash Bros. Mee-lay” It’s “May-lay”! Ugh…

He brings up all the clones in Melee, while showing the Japanese character select screen. You can tell he just took that off of Google Images.

He cites Mario & Dr. Mario, Link & Young Link, and Pikachu & Pichu as the clones, whining that there’s no variety. Way to ignore all the other clone characters like Captain Falcon & Ganondorf, Fox & Falco, and Marth & Roy. You never played Melee did you?

“This game takes care of that issue” NO IT DOESN’T! If anything it’s worse! Other than a different final smash, Ganondorf is still the same as Captain Falcon, Fox now has TWO clones with Falco and Wolf, Ness now has Lucas, and Young Link has been replaced with Toon Link and is still very similar to Link! It’s so obvious he’s baiting for views, the lack of research is worse than usual.

He mentions how they got rid of “the duplicates” (as in the only 3 he mentioned), then Mewtwo, which he calls “not a big loss”. First off, fuck you. Mewtwo is awesome. Second, Mewtwo is technically still in Brawl, only his abilities transferred to Lucario. Then Roy, who he says was replaced by Ike. When he says his name he shows a picture of Ike from South Park. I know others have done this joke, yet somehow Bores completely failed with it. Lack of comic timing? Poor reaction? It’s up to you.

1:20 - 1:53: He brings up “huge milestones” which to him means the addition of Sonic the Hedgehog. “Nintendo and Sega together? Holy shit! Talk about world’s colliding!” This isn’t the first time it happened. Are you forgetting that one game you talked about? The one you called a piece of shit even though your only issue was that you sucked at the game? That one about the Olympics… ring a bell?

He briefly mentions Snake (kind of obvious he’s never played Metal Gear Solid) and that the two have their own levels.

“Having these two extra characters around is pretty cool” You mean Bowser and ROB? Because that’s what the footage is showing.

IG mentions that he’s glad that Mr. Game & Watch is back because that’s his favorite character. You know why he said that? To make himself sound retro. I bet he doesn’t even know where he comes from. It’s really obvious when he’s faking it.

“I really enjoyed the addition of Kid Icarus…” It’s Pit! His name isn’t Kid Icarus, it’s Pit! Kid Icarus was the game he was in. That would be like calling Marth “Fire Emblem” or Jigglypuff “Pokemon”. It gets worse when you remember that his name is listed below him on the select screen and the announcer says his name! This only enforces my “Captain N” theory, I’ll remind you what that is later in this recap.

1:54 - 2:09: IG was worried that he would have to play with the Wii Remote + Nunchuck combo because it doesn’t work for fighting games. But is grateful when you could take out the Nunchuck and play with the remote on its side. Or you could not be an idiot and use a Gamecube controller, or the Classic controller. Not going to mention that are you?

I love how his Wii Remote is clearly off, he’s just fooling around with it and getting the footage to make it look like he’s “playing”. A practice that will sadly come back in later Neo videos. At least he didn’t call it the “Wii Joystick”

2:10 - 2:32: He says the graphics are “amazing” and sometimes found himself just staring at them. Sounds less like he was appreciating them and more like “ooooh I like shiny”.

IG brings up the stages. “All kinds of crazy places like castles and boats” Castles and boats? Shit man this game is insane right up there in the membrane! … So what games are those stages from? Anything? I don’t need the specific game, I’ll just accept the franchise it’s part of. No?

Then he brings up stages that “bring back that nostalgic feeling” and cites the Donkey Kong and Mario Bros. stages. Once again, Chris is trying to sound retro because he’s an obvious fraud.

Also, I’m noticing something else in the footage. He’s using Pit a lot, and he keeps using the same move again and again. His side-B move (where he spins his blades really fast).

2:33 - 3:02: IG moves onto Subspace Emissary and only says that the cut scenes look cool. Aren’t you going to bring up how the plot is like a bad fanfic?

“So Mario & Kirby are fighting one day with Peach and Zelda watching, when suddenly some big bad guy called the Ancient Minister appears. He blows Mario away with a cannon and traps the princesses in cages, Kirby releases them but Wario turns one of them into a statue. Then Pit finds Mario and they fight the bad guys. Then Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong’s bananas are stolen by the enemies from Mario, then Bowser shows up because he’s evil.” Yeah, kind of like that. I’m fairly sure he did beat it since he has Sonic… of course he could have just stolen that footage from other users.

3:03 - 3:15: “This game is hella fun” What are you Eric Cartman?

“Especially when there’s four people playing” You can tell I’m having fun with this footage of me fighting three computer-controlled opponents.

“There’s really nothing bad I can say about this game” Yes, just ignore a lot of the games’ faults, it’s perfect in every way… for you to get views from the crazy Smash Bros. fanbase.

3:16 - 3:25: IG wishes to see other “Nintendo legends” like Mega Man, Simon Belmont, and Bomberman? No no no NO! Those are not Nintendo characters! Mega Man is owned by Capcom, Simon Belmont and the Castlevania series are owned by Konami, Bomberman is owned by Hudson Soft! Yes they were on the NES but that doesn’t make them “Nintendo characters”. You are a fraud Bores! A fraud!

This also strongly enforces my “Captain N theory”.

Chris didn’t play games as a kid, but he watched Captain N. I imagine he took everything in that show as fact and still believes that to this day. Calling Pit “Kid Icarus”? Done on Captain N. Thinking Mega Man and Simon Belmont are Nintendo characters? I imagine Bores thought that considering they were on the show. Eggplant Wizard appearing out of nowhere in the Tetris video? He was one of the recurring villains on the show, Bores probably thought he was more important than he really is. Hailing Simon Belmont as the only Castlevania hero? Well, that’s just more of his stupidity.

Either way, the blatant mistakes like that and use of odd characters does suggest that Bores only knew about Captain N and other video game cartoons as a child rather than the games themselves.

The video ends with IG telling people to get the game if you have a Wii and this is his first “Irate Pick for the Wii”. Wow that sounds really awkward. And yet he still used it in later videos. Also, here’s the first time Bores has completely forgotten the meaning of the word “irate”.

Wow this was dumb. Overly-lavish praise on a game that really does have faults, all so he can obviously get views. No mentions of actual gameplay mechanics like final smashes or even how characters play. Plus, his attempts at trying to sound retro really fell flat here. It’s not working Bores, and it will never work… on anyone over 13.

Next redux recap, we revisit the one series that Chris really has abandoned, the Chris & Scottie Road Trip. You have been warned.

All New Fan Art and More!

2011-09-27T11:36:00.004-05:00

IG is making a lot of changes, but I doubt any of them will help him or make him look better.

On the Haunted Investigators site, I noticed a big change with the DVD. Instead of three separate DVDs with two episodes each, it's one DVD with all six episodes and it's labeled as "Season 1". Don't you mean "The Complete Series"? No, he actually thinks Season 2 is coming. Chris, the last episode of "Season 1" was released in 2007. I doubt you will suddenly revive this series after four years, especially when Jennifer broke up with you.

Speaking of that, she's nowhere to be found on the site (with the exception of an article talking about them). She's not even on the DVD cover. Interesting considering she's in the opening theme, like she's important or something.

Either way, I don't see Haunted Investigators getting another episode. If, by some miracle, it does, I'm not recapping it. It's a snoozefest.

Another big change is on IG's YouTube channel. The red layout is gone as well as that ugly banner displaying all of characters. The channel is blue now and adorned with "Irate Entertainment", listing his four "shows" (including Haunted Investigators... dude give it up). The others are Irate Gamer, "History of Video Games" and I Rate the 80s.

His list of important links still doesn't have GotGame, and considering he doesn't list IG Neo at the top I'm really convinced that he's done with them.

Off-topic but remember that Raychul person I mentioned? Turns out she's Raychul Moore, ex-girlfriend of Dan "Shoe" Hsu, former editor-in-chief of Electronic Gaming Monthly. So she really does know more than I thought. I apologize, even I make mistakes. But at least I'm willing to admit them.

On his site, IG is now selling mouse pads. ... Really? Of all the things to sell merch of, your mind immediately goes to mouse pads? I'm convinced that he's using something similar to CafePress or Zazzle. The pad also has the same ugly-as-sin design as his t-shirt. Man, I pity the poor fools that wear that vomit-colored t-shirt in public.

Small update but he's changed his archived news page to the History of Video Games episode guide page. Thankfully, you can still access his older news and find his contradictions (the ones he didn't remove) at the bottom of the site. Still, it seems redundant since the History of Video Games episode guide is still under "Video Game Reviews" too.

Now that's all out of the way, here's what you came for. The all new fan art that Bores himself deemed worthy of putting on the site. Pfffft ahahaha.

For my last scathing report on his fan art, you can read it here. http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2011/01/fan-art-or-how-i-stopped-caring-and.html

I'll continue from Picture 41 (IG photoshopped onto The Comedian from Watchmen). All on Page 3.

Picture 42: IG is in the center, staring at the camera (what else is new?). He's surrounded by sprites looking at each other. On the left it's Mega Man, Mario (Super Mario Bros version), Trevor Belmont (not Simon, oops), Bill Rizer from Contra, and Sonic the Hedgehog (he really stands out being the only 16-bit sprite). On the right it's Pitfall Harry (Super Pitfall version), the shark from Jaws, Mikey from The Goonies, The Noid, and E.T. (Atari version, and he also stands out).

Ohhh I get it, it's good games staring down bad games. Kid, The Goonies II and Yo! Noid do not suck! Also, when did IG look at Super Pitfall? Sadly, this is the second best picture of this batch of "art".

Picture 43: Why was this made? His 3rd DVD cover already looks like that. It's "IG for NES" shaped in a classic NES box. The picture used is Bores giving his "I don't know" pose behind stacks of games. This one is the best of the six new pictures, the rest... oh good lord.

Picture 44: 50 hours in MS Paint! No, this is just crap. Labeled "Irate Gamer and Friends", we see IG in the center playing something (wearing the black & white shirt from Monster Party, funny how that's considered his classic wardrobe) with Ronnie giving him bunny ears (He never did that in the show! Why do fans insist on that happening?) and everyone else standing off the side. I see Tony, Wise Sage, ROB (this must be recent if he's a "friend"), Kool-Aid Man (because friends casually murder friends), Creepy Cousin Joey, Not-Earl Hindman, the 7-Up Spot (that's a friend?) and... Devil Bores? He qualifies as one of his "friends"? How is he not the evil one again? Oh and for some reason he's eating cake. I don't know, this was obviously done by a kid.

Picture 45: Oh my... where do I start with this? Here's "The Irate Gamer Comic Book" with "IRATE" in gigantic letters. It's drawn in pen. This isn't art, it's a doodle. This is something a kid draws in school when they're bored. In fact, that's exactly what I think happened here. *sighs*

This is "Issue 1" of the comic book. If Linkara did an episode on this, his head would explode.

Near the logo is some floating head with a hook nose saying "you bastard". ... Is that supposed to be the goblin "character"? There's a fan that actually cared to draw that? Good lord.

In the center is IG with deformed hands, smiling (given how Bores himself forgets his character is supposed to be angry, I'm not surprised) and a worm beneath him saying "Yag Irate Gamer". Is that a reference to something? *looks closer* No wait, that worm is supposed to be saying "Yay". Nothing better than indecipherable hand-writing.

On the right are all of his "characters". There's Shadow Overlord, the Genie (oh hey, someone who actually remembers him), Satan (who looks like a Boo from Mario), Ronnie, Wise Sage (who looks like he might have an eye infection), Tony with a giant "Bang-a-lang" word balloon, R.O.B., Evil Gamer (who looks like a hippie), R.E.D. (who looks like an Atraxi given a body), and Cousin Joey (who looks like Mario). This is what I call a clusterfuck.

On the left, it lists the "events" in the comic. "Irate Gamer meets the Angry German Kid", one's an indecipherable moron that's more popular than he needs to be, the other's the Angry German Kid. Wait... I think I know who drew this. But I'm not sure.

"Nude pics of Irate Gamer" EWWWWWWWWWW. God damn it kid! Funny how he depicts IG here looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger. If he saw the He-Man video, he would know he looks nothing like that.

"Prank Call from Hell" It looks like Cousin Joey talking into a microphone. Really hard to tell here.

"Featuring Jiggliami" Wait, a Sonichu character? ... Oh my God now I know who drew this. It was Charlie. He's a fan of Angry German Kid and Sonichu (no joke, in a now-deleted video he said he was remaking Sonichu) and he's a gigantic IG fanboy. Son of a bitch. At least we know art isn't in his future.

Picture 46: *sees picture* ... *gets up, walks outside* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I... wow. Not only does this exist, but it exists on his site. Chris found this worthy enough to put on his fan art page.

Here we have the MS Paint doodle FROM HELL. On the left is a stick figure IG that looks high as fuck right now, shooting a gun and cursing. Below him is Mega Man saying "WTF?" With a floating Mario mushroom shooting lasers at him. Arthur from Ghouls & Ghosts, Pac-Man and Tanuki Suit Mario in one group, a red Halo Spartan and I think Michelangelo from the Ninja Turtles in another. This has to be a troll, what other explanation is there? Could there really be a kid dumb enough to make this?

Picture 47: The last one! Here's it's a picture made with CRAYONS of "Johnny Awesome" and IG. The two of them giving the peace sign.

Who's Johnny Awesome you ask? Sadly, I actually know this one. He's a 9-10 year old IG fanboy. And like Charlie, he's kind of messed up. He sent Bores his autograph, not only claims to be his best friend, but also his BROTHER, stays in contact with LadyBuggin, sent him Magic the Gathering cards because IG won a "contest" he held. He even claims the AVGN is his friend because IG said he was inspired by him and thus... ugh god damn. Where are his parents? Why do the parents insist on plopping their kids in front of the internet instead of actually raising them?

http://www.youtube.com/user/TheHUNTERX619 Here's his YouTube account, he once commented on my channel.

That's all the new pictures. Again, all the blame lies squarely on Bores. If these were on deviantArt I would ignore them. But since he put them on his site, it's his fault. He really is desperate for fan art considering he once posted two pictures with hidden messages, and this latest batch is probably the worst ever.

That's all I can take for now. Whatever happens next... I might write about it. Depends on if it's another stupid contest or update video.

HE-MAN and the Painful Action Figure Review!

2011-09-24T02:07:00.001-05:00

God damn, Bores is actually doing stuff. A new channel layout, updates to his site, some stuff I missed, and the subject of this recap.

A lot of that other stuff will be brought up soon, but time for more of his “I’m such an 80s kid, don’t you other 80s kids enjoy this?” garbage.

So we’re going to see IG talk about He-Man action figures. I could be crude, but I want to try and conduct myself with a little class.

Personally, I don’t get He-Man. The cartoon is utter shit, and I really don’t care for action figures in general. Sure if something looks cool I’ll grab it, but I don’t go out of my way to collect them.

“This time Irate covers He-man and how it revolutionized the Action figures paradigm.” What does that even mean?! Ugh, start the video…

0:05 - 0:16: Okay seriously? This crowded desk isn’t working, it’s just intrusive. It’s like Bores doesn’t care if they listen, he just shoves a whole bunch of shit in front of the camera hoping that’s enough to keep their attention.

“Just happened to be the very first thing I collected as a kid” That explains a lot… well it explains something.

0:17 - 0:30: We get some stock footage that’s obviously not from the 80s as IG goes into the history of He-Man that he took directly from Wikipedia. I can search “Masters of the Universe” too Chris.

“They ended releasing a barbarian line of action figures called *pause* He-Man” You seem to be forgetting that the overall name of this franchise is Masters of the Universe. Yes I know most kids didn’t care for that name but you’re not a kid anymore.

0:30 - 0:48: He goes into the first series of figures, proceeding to list them off. He ends on Beast-Man, prompting a green-screen effect with IG jumping next to the figure and growling. Was that necessary? Did that joke add ANYTHING to this? It’s like he’s saying “Look what I can do everyone! Aren’t I awesome?” Fuck’s sake…

*looks at his face* You really need to take laxatives, that can’t be healthy for you.

0:48 - 1:09: Blah blah blah, animated tie-in, never been done before, yeah yeah yeah. You know, this could be interesting if I didn’t know what happens later in the video. This is going to get really bad.

1:10 - 1:39: Pffft, wow. Nice “80s TV”. Who knew flat screens that nice existed in 1983? And with Comcast cable too!

He starts listing off series 2 characters, ending on Faker… except he’s not there. This is where things get really bad. It cuts to Skeletor watching Bores, and… really? Are we really doing this? *downs Vicodin” Okay.

Skeletor here is Bores wearing his Ronnie mask with a blue hood and blue-tinted skin. Oh God he’s not wearing a shirt!

“You idiotic show host” Well, at least he’s right about one thing, he is idiotic.

For some reason, Skeletor took IG’s action figure of Faker. Why? Well, hopefully we’ll get an explanation.

1:40 - 2:00: He goes into series 3, thankfully he spares us and only lists a handful of the figures in that set. He holds up Kobra Khan and sprays himself in the face. Just to show it can do that I guess? No, it’s more “wackiness”.

2:00 - 2:14: IG brings up the vehicles, accessories, and playsets. And since we can’t have list without a “zany” joke, the camera zooms in onto one of the sets, the door opens and IG is using his green screen to pretend he’s in it. Then the Beast-Man figure shows up to scare him. You know, this is just delving into “why is this needed” on endless loop, and it’s really grating on my nerves.

EDIT: I missed this before, but Bores doesn't actually own the playsets. If you look closely you can see their just pictures imposed onto his desk. Thanks to the Necro Critic for pointing this out.

2:15 - 2:45: He brings up that 1985 was a big year for He-Man due to the theatrical He-Man & She-Ra movie. And it’s just as shit as the cartoon.

“I remember seeing this movie in the theaters as a kid, and it was awesome!” You were five, take off the goggles, and watch it again.

This leads into listing a few of the series 4 figures. You know, there are people on YouTube that review action figures, power to them. They can make an interesting and entertaining product, I’ve seen TJOmega’s Plastic Addict videos. The issue here is Bores isn‘t “reviewing“ them, he’s just saying their names and displaying them on camera. For someone that does care enough about action figures, is this respectful or just plain dumb?

2:46 - 3:07: He goes on about how the movie was really a bridge between He-Man and She-Ra. How He-Man is being written out and She-Ra will replace him. Thus establishing the pattern that movies based on shows based on toys are all about advertising the newest pieces of plastic. Sometimes they’ll get fucking dark like Transformers. But screw actually bringing this up!

He mentions series 5 but thankfully he doesn’t list them since they’re She-Ra villains, and notes how the other She-Ra toys were mainly for girls. How’d you figure that one out Poirot?

3:08 - 3:23: The figures are on their last legs, and IG mentions how series 6 was the last to come out. Really? Cause I’m looking up the He-Man Wiki and it lists a seventh series. Granted there were only two figures total, and they were just He-Man & Skeletor repackaged with lasers, but at least mention it.

IG mentions that series 6 has the now hard-to-find Sorceress figure… and IG proceeds to hit on her. I thought we were done with this creepy shit Bores? What’s worse is he edits her face to make her look interested. What have I said about the fan fiction?

3:23 - 3:44: IG moves onto the 2002 relaunch and takes out a paper bag with the new figures. Once again, listing them off while putting their 80s counterpart next to them. All he says is that they look impressive. And for added wackiness, he gets sprayed by Kobra Khan again. Cause that wasn’t moronic the first time.

EDIT: When listing off the figures, he's showing both versions of Tri-Klops but calls him Man-E-Faces. Thanks to the Necro Critic for pointing this out.

I won't berate Bores because he actually acknowledged it in the description. However, this leads to him saying he'll release a fixed "master version" for DVD. HE'S PLANNING A DVD OF THIS! If that cartoon footage is still there, Mattel is going to sue him hard. Or whoever owns the rights now.

3:45 - 4:03: We get to the “rating” and given his last two episodes, it’s pretty obvious what it’s going to get here.

“This one’s another Nostalgic Overload” *throws hands up* WHAT DO YOU KNOW I’M PSYCHIC! Look, you can’t expect people to take this seriously when EVERYTHING is a “Nostalgic Overload”. People lose interest. Especially when you barely release videos already.

So is this the end of the video? *slams head on desk* Ohhhh I wish.

IG leaves and Skeletor walks in, IG immediately walks back because his “apartment” is only one room. Hey look, a cameo from sloppy film-making 101 (look at the ceiling when Bores walks in).

Note that the action figure Skeletor is holding is now blue. Showing that Bores isn’t covered in blue paint, but he edited his body in post-production. After Effects is win guys!

By the way, we don’t get a real explanation for why Skeletor wants his He-Man action figures. Just “he’s evil” I guess.

Seeing this “terrible crime”, IG takes out a sword and does the He-Man battle cry “By the power of Grayskull! I have the power!” and somehow still retaining his normal clothes. This is actually a good thing, I don’t want to see him dressed as He-Man... Ugh.

IG swings his sword and … somehow causes Skeletor to explode. So this is what Michael Bay directing Masters of the Universe would look like.

“Silly Skeletor, He-Man is for kids!” Yes, it is for kids. Hand them over, you’re 31 years old.

Then … the Trix Rabbit shows up and yells at him. “Heeeey, that’s my line!” No. No. No! NO! NO! That’s not the Rabbit’s line! The Rabbit disguises himself, tries to get the Trix, gets foiled, and the nearby KIDS say “Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids”. You’d think someone so obsessed with cereal would know this pattern! God damn it this was awful!

As a history lesson, it fails. I could just read the same exact thing on Wikipedia, with actual names and more info. As a “review” it fails. He told us nothing about the action figures. What made them so great? Were they fun? Did they have articulation? Don’t just list them! The sketches felt like rejected ideas from his regular IG show… and that’s pretty fucking low.

That’s not all though, I have a tiny bonus. His “I rate the 80s” site is now up.

There’s very little to it, it just lists the six episodes (Breakfast Rants? I don’t know what you’re talking about) and a tagline.

“Half documentary, Half zany antics, Chris is recapping everything from the 1980s in this hit YouTube series”

I see Chris still hasn’t learned his lesson. His idea about being informative and adding “Irate Gamer comedy” is like getting a brand covered in needles, nothing but pain!

And there he goes again saying “hit series”, all to make himself look more important than he really is. Humble my ass.

That’s all I can stand. It’s 2 in the morning, I should probably sleep. Maybe.

Y2B is No More. Introducing "Irate Entertainment"

2011-09-10T08:12:00.003-05:00

One of my readers, blueluigi, posted a comment that Bores updated the episode guide on his site. The next episode is the "Robot War Aftermath" and will cover an Atari game. What war? It's not a war if a Dale- er ROB did all the work and we barely saw anything. It didn't even get hurt, the HAL-bots didn't even try to put up resistance.

After that is an NES game, and after that another NES game. I like how he hasn't even decided what games he's going to cover, just "an Atari game, and a couple of NES games, sure let's go with that". Nice planning Bores.

However, this is not the most interesting thing I found. I went to his channel and noticed a few changes.

I'll start on a positive note. He changed his channel description to remove that "genius mind" line, maybe he actually does listen to the thousands of people that don't like him? However, the description also says he tries to release videos once a week. Pfffthahaahahahaha. Considering there was a MONTH between that Micro Machines video and RoboCop Part 2... oh he means videos in general. I see reuploads of Neo videos and a bunch of update and contest videos. Yeah, real consistent.

The biggest change is that his website is no longer "www.y2bproductions.com" but now it's "www.irateentertainment.com". Has Bores changed his fake company? It looks like it. Though "Irate Entertainment" is just as fake.

I'll get to the website in a second, I want to bring up how under "Irate Gamer Links" where he lists his sites, his Facebook and Twitter that he rarely updates (the former of which is a hive of fanboys, I'd like to thank my informant for telling me this) and DatBoiDrew's site, a big site is gone. Where's GotGame? Have they finally called it quits? Has GotGame gotten tired of his lazy bullshit? Tired of wasting money giving him free games that he'll never review? I hope so, I don't want to see Bores at E3 again.

Now to check this "Irate Entertainment" site. We see three giant "LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME" pictures that lead to other sites. The first is Haunted Investigators (pffft, that's still going? Come on!) The picture removed Jennifer. Under that it says "YouTube's Most Popular Ghost Hunters". This is actually true as the only other ghost hunting channel I found has about 577 subscribers. Granted this isn't a popular genre of videos, and it's only "popular" because he posted the videos on a channel that's popular for video games. Not really something to be proud of Chris.

Then a link to IG's site. The picture has IG, Ronnie, the main HAL-Bot, Tony and Wise Sage. "Video Gaming with a Dash of Insanity" The video gaming part is right, there are video games. Insanity though... if your idea of insane is putting you to sleep.

And a link to an unfinished I Rate the 80s site. The picture is Bores sitting behind all his 80s crap. "Chris Rates Everything from the 80s" Everything? Oh man I can't wait for the episodes about Ayatollah Khomeini, AIDS, and the Ronald Reagan years.

Underneath all the giant pictures is a bit of text explaining who Chris Bores is.

"He has since worked at Television stations, as well as Television Programs, Documentaries, Commercials, Instructional videos, and more" Why do I sense bullshit? Can we see all these things you worked on? Also, TV stations and TV programs? Doesn't that seem redundant?

"He previously held the prestigious award of being the #55th most subscribed channel on YouTube..." Wow, that was years ago and he still grasps to that one moment. As of this post, the current 55th most subscribed is "WongFuProductions" with 926,812 subscribers. Bores is nowhere on this list since YouTube only ranks the 100 most subscribed, and #100 is "kandeejohnson" with 640,699. *looks at Chris' number* Wow, no wonder you hold on to that "honor", you'll never achieve that level.

Is "55th place" really that special though?

"... and has featured in a variety of articles and publications" PROOF?! DO YOU HAVE IT?! You know what this is? This is more of his lies. Sure, we know he's lying but what if someone who has no idea who he is stumbles across that site? They'll believe it because they don't know any better. It's more of his deception, and that's what I really find disgusting.

That's seems to be all of the big changes. But something's missing... oh! The Chris & Scottie Roadtrip is gone. Safe to say that series no more now. ... Good.

That seems to be it. Let's see how long it takes for Bores to do that "Robot War Aftermath". Good lord.

The RoboCop Conclusion of Did Something Happen?

2011-09-06T10:20:00.003-05:00

The newest Irate Gamer episode has arrived, and it only took three months to get here! This schedule slip is out of hand. It’s one thing to barely get videos out, that’s fine, people have lives and actual excuses. But with Bores he’s just being lazy, and he continues to boast about how great he is despite episodes taking 3-8 months to come out. And considering his track record, this maybe the only other Irate Gamer episode coming out this year. Boy, your fans must looooove your slow-as-hell schedule.

So yeah, RoboCop Part 2. In the title he says he’ll review RoboCop 2 and 3, and he’s still doing his dumb “HD = Brand New Show” idea by calling this Episode 3. The good thing I can say is that this video is much shorter than usual, a little over seven minutes long. Means I don’t have to suffer as much.

0:00 - 0:18: We get a previously on segment that only shows the last scene of the RoboCop video. Robots invading the city? Why should I show that? It’s not like its important to the badly-made plot I’m doing.

0:19 - 1:01: IG starts his “review” of RoboCop 2 for the NES. He explains the game, you need to collect the pieces of “Nuke” littered across the street and shoot the bad guys. While the Nuke part is correct, the goal is to ARREST the suspects not shoot them. He is a police officer, they only use deadly force as a last resort.

He beats the level but fails because he did something wrong, whining that they don’t explain. Once again, this is where instruction manuals would be handy. Or at least look up info on the game.

Also, wouldn’t it be a good idea mention that Nuke is the drug from the second movie? It would probably help to WATCH it before doing the video. Then again, you didn’t care to see the first one so what makes me think you’ll do it here.

1:02 - 1:23: He tries again but since he missed a piece he failed again. “You piece of sheeeit” and he still can’t curse properly. This is followed up by a painfully forced faceplam. At least he didn’t explain what he was doing again.

1:24 - 2:00: “Time to montage this bitch!” Who talks like this?

As he said, we get a padding montage. Full of IG making faces that look like he volunteered for extra-strength laxative testing. Doesn’t Chris realize this isn’t anger? Hello pointless fire effect.

2:01 - 2:55: The montage finally ends with IG being told he didn’t complete the objective and has to go to the firing range, however he doesn’t see the top part, only the part about the firing range. Smooth.

I checked the instruction manual online, the firing range happens if you fail. Sometimes you’ll be forced to start over, sometimes you’ll get a second chance on the range.

He explains how it works, adds sound effects that aren’t actually from the game (quit doing this, it’s not funny) and adds the Hamburgler as one of the targets. Look, a mascot that has absolutely nothing to do with the game I’m playing! LAUGH! Seriously what is your deal with food mascots? The Grimace in Resident Evil 5, the Kool-Aid Man, and now this?

He fails the targeting range and is forced to redo the first stage. We get some terrible acting from IG, followed by a long string of… bleeped cursing? Umm, I’m pretty sure you’re doing it wrong. You know, it doesn’t really make sense to have uncensored cursing for four years and then do something like this. Are you afraid LadyBuggin is going to faint from all that naughty language? Please, she’s just as bad, if not worse.

2:55 - 3:28: After failing again, he whines about having to start over again and again, has had enough and ends the “review”. *checks Game Genie sites* Nope, no codes for RoboCop 2 on the NES.

We then get a “cartridge destruction” scene that I’m sure is just one of the 50 copies of SMB/Duck Hunt he got off eBay.

“I wonder how ROB the Robot is doing” Cue scene transition!

3:29 - 4:16: We cut to Chromakey-opolis as the HAL-bots are still rampaging. ROB blows up a couple of them, oh lovely these are the “Easy Mode FPS” kind of robots where AI doesn’t matter.

We then cut to more people running, and he’s using the same costumes as last time since I see the guy dressed as the AVGN. Cousin Joey shows up… AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH *slaps self*

I have a question, where are his parents? Do they just let him roam around the streets alone? I doubt they were kidnapped by the robots since Joey is ignorant to the chaos going on around him. Oh for fuck’s sake I’m trying to apply logic to the Irate Gamer again, god this is moronic.

ROB shows up, KILL HIM KILL HIM! Oh I wish, instead ROB kills the HAL-bot. Joey then found it awesome and wants to see it again. Bores, Joey has no fans, I have no idea where you got this idea he has fans, get rid of him!

4:17 - 4:50: Back at IG’s room, he starts his “review” of RoboCop 3. He says this one is the best of the three. Short review, see ya *gets forced back down*

IG complains that it takes at least 3 shots to kill enemies. Okay that’s a fair- but he ruins this point by bringing up how RoboCop is half-man, half-machine and that they should go down in one shot. Psst, being half-machine doesn’t make your bullets stronger. It can increase his accuracy but from the looks of it he’s shooting them in the torso. I imagine these criminals are wearing bulletproof vests since this is the kind of future where crime owns the city. If it took three PUNCHES for RoboCop to take out enemies then it’s worth complaining, but bullets and machine-powered punches are different. WATCH THE MOVIES!

Looking through a guide, you can upgrade your bullets to go faster but it would still take three shots to take down an enemy. Either way, that’s not how bullets work.

4:51 - 5:51: IG brings up a stage with jetpack, and at the end of it you defeat the boss but have to go back through the stage again. Boy, I’d hate to see his reaction to the clock tower in Castlevania III if THIS annoys him. Actually, according to the story your jetpack is empty and that’s why you can’t use it.

He thinks he can use his jetpack back through the level (why yes, he is so blind he can’t see the jetpack is gone) and purposely falls into a hole. Why am I getting Aladdin flashbacks?

He keeps trying to jump over the pit. Say, why don’t you try killing the enemy, slowly edge over to the pit then jump over to get across? He keeps trying, after the third time asking “can this game get any worse?” He falls again and lands in the second game. Har har ha-ugh.

5:52 - 6:03: “Damn robots can’t rely on them for anything.” This quote prompts a random appearance from Megatron. It looks like DatBoiDrew was responsible for that because it actually looks good. His voice though… that sounds nothing like him! He sounds more like Starscream in later series like Transformers Armada or Transformers Animated.

After IG tells Megatron he wasn’t referring to him, he leaves. You know, I remember a Family Guy episode had an appearance from Megatron that was completely random and just as unfunny, but give the FG appearance credit in that they actually got Frank Welker to do the one line. Is it really that hard to find someone to impersonate one of the most popular villains in 80’s animation? By the way, Big Lipped Alligator Moment.

6:04 - 6:18: In the end, he says the game isn’t that bad and brings up how you could even customize RoboCop. “You can pimp out RoboCop” and with that he adds random colors to him. Uhh…

He also wonders if he can add “hydralics” and he makes RoboCop “dance” by making him move up and down to generic techno. Followed by IG saying “look at him go….” in an extremely boring tone. I’d call this the most embarrassing thing to happen to something written by Frank Miller, but I remember All-Star Batman & Robin exists.

6:19 - 6:32: IG wonders why ROB isn’t back yet when OH WOW. Wise Sage hops into the shot like he can’t move his legs. It’s like a badly-animated cartoon that couldn’t bother to show someone walking so they move by static pictures. Did you not notice how unrealistic this is?

Good lord this editing, it cuts in the middle of his sentence. And he’s playing Mario now? Listen to the pause sound effect, can he change game cartridges with his mind now? No, this is something TV shows that know nothing about video games do, they get stock sound effects instead of the realistic ones. Like when a game from the late 90s has the sound effects of Pac-Man for the Atari 2600.

The video ends with ROB in front of Wilson er Wilkins’ fence (LOOK A CALLBACK TO A PREVIOUS EPISODE AM I CLEVER NOW?) when Evil Gamer shows up, angry that he destroyed all his minions. Then why not make more? You have the means and technology. He orders ROB to return to be reprogrammed, instead he fires a laser and kills… err singes him. So it can vaporize robots but it only mildly hurts humans. *picks up phone* Consistency, can you please pick up?

Then there’s a random stinger with Evil Gamer looking at the camera (I guess even they pick up his bad habits) as Not-Wilson appears and… the video ends.

Well that was… extremely forgettable. It wasn’t a really painful video, but it was still bad. While I’m glad the plot didn’t overtake the review portion, he barely talked about the games. The jokes were either bland or made zero sense. Overall though, this episode will be quickly forgotten. It doesn’t help that there was a lack of parody material in it.

That’s all for now, I’m going to take a long walk.

Less Effort Than The The Eye Creatures, It's "Video Game Roundup/Rundown"

2011-08-21T10:31:00.002-05:00

*clap clap clap* Bravo Chris. You have found another way to be as lazy as possible with your videos. I am stunned, absolutely stunned at the lack of effort.

Remember IG’s 3-in-1 video? Yeah, that heinous excuse of a video where he only played an hour of each game, showed a severe lack of Tekken knowledge, and even after three years still didn’t know Turtles in Time was an Arcade game. Well, he’s doing it again! This time he’s making a “new series” out of it. It’s like he hears the problems people have with his videos, and instead of trying to improve on them he only makes them worse.

Ugh, so here’s “Video Game Roundup”, or is it “Video Game Rundown”? He calls it “Roundup” in the video but the title card says “Rundown”. That’s a good sign, he can’t even get the title to his own series right!

0:02 - 0:15: So why is IG doing something this half-assed? As usual, he claims he gets a “ton of requests” to review new games. The same reason he gave for the 3-in-1 video. Look, if you did get requests (which I highly doubt you do) then you need to honor them. You can’t just get them out of the way and expect people to be happy. You need to dedicate time and effort into giving the people what they want. On the other end, you can choose NOT to do certain requests. It’s that simple. But screw logic, Chris needs his Blip muneez!

0:16 - 0:42: The first game is Green Lantern: Rise of the Manhunters. Why did he hold up the box then put up an image of the cover off to the side? We’re not blind, we can see the box just fine.

He says he found the movie lackluster but finds the game pretty solid. Say, here’s another bit of laziness. All the movies on Chris’ Top 10 Summer Movies list have come out now, and he didn’t review a single one. What was the point of even making the list? Off-topic I know but this is a really short video.

“Now I haven’t played this game for too long yet…” And this is exactly what I’m talking about. You only talked about this to get the “request” out of the way, not even bothering to play through the entire game! I have a feeling he didn’t get past the first level…

“The further I advance in the game, the more attack power-ups I unlock” No shit Sherlock, you progress through the game you get stronger! Since you have a such a massive hard-on for God of War, this style should be familiar. I’m convinced, he only played this for an hour.

0:43 - 1:03: Game #2 is Lego Star Wars III: The Clone Wars.

He asks if this game offers anything new that we haven’t seen before, he says “they do a lot”. Okay, like what? What does this game offer that I haven’t seen in the first two Lego Star Wars, or Lego Batman, or Lego Harry Potter?

“There’s a lot of new offerings to keep you occupied and I just had a lot of fun…… with this title.” So you liked the game, can you tell me why? I want to know what “new offerings” there are. Guess what, he doesn’t fucking tell us. He just moves on to the next game. This is poor reviewing! Even if it’s not a serious review, you have to have depth! You can’t just say two lines and expect people to buy that! Especially something as vague as “it has new stuff!”

By the way, does Bores sound really awkward in this video? There’s a lot more pauses than usual.

1:04 - 1:46: Game #3 is Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions. He acknowledges that this came out “some time ago”. He’s correct, it came out last year! It’s sad when the most recent game in this video is Green Lantern. Lego Star Wars III came out in March, and the fourth game came out in February.

“Now this game has upsides, and it has downsides” … He wrote that. He put that into his script, recorded it, and put it into his video. How does he have fans? How the fuck does anyone find this legit? I’m calling it, this is one of the worst videos he’s ever done. No thought, no effort, no care, no consideration, just pure laziness. You should be ashamed Chris Bores, GotGame should punish you for releasing something so poorly made.

*sigh* So, what does he say about the game. He felt it was repetitive, he didn’t like the camera angles (oh hey, he actually showed an example), and he felt Ultimate Spider-Man wasn’t unique enough.

He then proceeds to gush about the Noir Spider-Man stages because they use stealth, wanting an entire game of just Noir Spidey. Wow, if you loved that then Metal Gear Solid, Tenchu, Splinter Cell, Sly Cooper, Syphon Filter, Thief and Assassin’s Creed will blow your mind. Yeah, I can tell Bores has never played a stealth game.

EDIT: And Arkham Asylum, which the Noir segments shamelessly copied. Thanks to Deliverance115 for reminding me.

1:47 - 2:17: The final game is Mario Sports Mix. He found the game terrible.

“This game gets very very repetitive” Like every other sports game ever?

“I can’t believe Nintendo would release such an under polished game” So are you going to tell us what you mean by that? Nope, he moves right onto unlockable characters. Why bother at this point?

“Don’t waste your money, and if you did then I feel for you man” It’s too late to try relating to the audience, you’ve lost all your chances.

And the video ends with him signing off, saying there will be more in the future. NO! No more! I am just baffled that he did this. Does he think this is good? What’s worse is that there’s someone in the GotGame comments that praised it. Are standards that fucking low? Are people so willing to take a bunch of short, poorly-written, and vague game reviews and accept it as quality. I fear for the future everyone.

This wasn’t even a joke review like “X in 5 Seconds” or “50 Games in 3 minutes”, he wanted people to take this seriously. This is why YouTube and GotGame are his only safe havens, outside of those two sites everyone considers him a total fool. *sighs* That’s all for now everyone.

Redux Recap: A Battle of Plastic Twits!

2011-08-16T14:55:00.003-05:00

And lo, one month following the first video of misinformation, bad acting, and loads of padding, we get the conclusion.

The reason I didn’t do Part 2 along with Part 1 was that they weren’t released at the same time. The next two-part episode was released at the same time so when I get to that I’ll cover both parts.

In between the ROB videos, IG did a review of Super Smash Bros. Brawl, Superman: Doomsday (will include with the rest of the movie review) and had a radio interview that shows why he no longer does them. I’ll revisit the Uncensored Net Noise disaster sometime down the road.

Despite being the second part of an episode, IG made a trailer anyway.

It’s generic, he says a bunch of “it’s going to be awesome” gibberish followed by a montage of footage set to Digital Juice music he used before. Dolly it up all you want Bores, this doesn’t look epic or awesome.

To the video!

0:36 - 2:36: Part 2 starts not with Stack-Up but continuing with Gyromite.

It gets boring when he goes on about needing precision timing to defeat the enemies, followed by strings of lame cursing before just killing one of the Smicks himself.

He follows with a BORING step-by-step guide on getting through a set of pillars. Didn't take that long to get into padding.

Time starts to run out and we get unneeded close-ups of his face sweating. Man, he must be out of a shape if an NES game is making him sweat like that.

He grabs one batch of dynamite only to run out of time due to pillars getting in his way. What’s with the weird frowning? I think that’s supposed to be anger. Right?

He then grabs ROB and starts choking the plastic toy, blaming him for making him lose. No it’s your fault. You commanded ROB to move the pillars, you decided to get that batch of dynamite before the others. You’re not owning up to your mistakes. Just like real life, never admitting you make mistakes and thinking you’re perfect.

2:37 - 2:56: IG moves onto Stack-Up. He notes the game had different parts made for it, bringing up how they’re rare and expensive these days. He then proceeds to insult people that may have sold the game at a garage sale, calling them idiots. That’s charming.

2:57 - 4:00: He says Stack-Up has three games with similar objectives. He starts with “Direct”. He explains how the game works, then brings up a complaint that I honestly don’t understand. Something about the game not understanding when you‘re done or finishing on its own, it’s really unclear.

“So the first game totally sucks ass” as he puts a stamp saying “Sucks Ass” on it. DO YOU LIKE THESE EFFECTS? DO YOU?! PLEASE LOVE ME!

4:01 - 4:52: He moves onto “Memory”, where the goal is to guess the movements of the Blocks and that it requires careful planning. He tries out his combination but gets it wrong and ROB knocks over the Blocks.

“You stupid robot!” OBJECTION! There is a clear contradiction in this insult! You just said that YOU have to plan out ROB’s movements, so knocking the blocks over was your own fault not the robot’s. You only have yourself to blame for not getting it right.

4:53 - 5:44: IG moves onto “Bingo” and says it’s fun. He says the biggest problem with the other games is ROB being slow. Never mind that the second game has you input commands and hope you got them right.

He brings up the two enemies, Spike and Flipper, and how they work. Flipper fills out the middle (normally blank) row but IG edited it to be the “Party button” again. Because that joke was HI-FUCKING-LARIOUS the first time. I really do wonder if this music is on the DVD, he’d get in trouble if he didn’t remove it.

5:45 - 6:02: IG quickly recaps the games, saying “this game just isn’t Stack-Up, it’s also Fucked-Up” Ugh, what a bad joke. To make sure we get it, he edit’s the box art to show that. I love how the beginning of “fucked” is trailing off the box art, like a crayon drawing that doesn’t stay in the lines.

We have now reached the incredibly stupid ending. This is where most of the problems in Part 2 arise.

The camera cuts to IG, ROB is obviously not on his stool. IG notices and wonders where he went. ROB wheels in holding a Gyro and throws it at him (yay), then another one. He gets closer so IG stands up and kicks him. Hahaha no I wish he did because that would be logical. Instead he stands around like an idiot as ROB shoots a fireball from his eyes, I think they were supposed to be lasers but it was a round ball of fire. With plenty of default Adobe effects. IG jumps out of the way.

This whole “fight” would be over if he fucking kicked him! It’s a plastic toy, it has nobody hostage, it can’t warp reality, it isn’t a deadpan snarker obsessed with his neighbor’s wife, it’s just a plastic toy. You can move! Use those martial arts skills you brag about all the time.

Nope, instead he tries to smash ROB with overhead strikes. You look like a caveman doing that! Try moving your arm across the ground, trip him!

ROB decides to start using his rockets to float (HAY GUYZ A BRAWL REFERENCE AM I COOL?) and IG shows he lacks depth perception by trying to punch the robot but failing. This has to be a joke. Especially for someone that claims to have practiced martial arts. If it is a joke, it’s not funny!

ROB thrusts forward and knocks IG to the ground. He starts charging up another fireball, and instead of doing something like “getting out of the way”, IG tries to find something to use against him while on his back. Common sense?

IG finds… a mirror conveniently sitting between his shelves. Why was that there? What purpose does a mirror serve in your gaming room?

The mirror then reflects the fireball back at ROB, blowing him up and leaving nothing. Not pieces that can be found in a closet and be rebuilt by a cartoon midget.

Holy crap, that was awful. The review portion itself was boring as sin, with loads of padding and terrible jokes. The fight at the end was a mess, all because he refused to use his brain! Being an idiot does not make for a good fight scene!

And you know, I would be a smidge happier if the reason ROB attacked IG was due this treatment. He was yelled at, insulted, strangled, so ROB had enough and decided to fight back. But that would be the result of someone who wasn’t a total hack. The real reason is so incredibly stupid, it almost seems like he pulled it out of his ass to save his skin. Though, we won’t get to that for a while.

Yeah, I know it was a short recap but there really wasn’t much to the video. Maybe I should have combined it with the other part…

Next Redux will be Super Smash Bros. Brawl. That’s going to be a pain to watch.

In other news:

Next week, Kwing is going to review Aladdin for the SNES for his Retro Monday series. See another great reviewer give this game the respect it deserves. I wonder if he’ll insert a slam towards Irate Gamer like Happy Video Game Nerd and Clan of the Gray Wolf did in their Aladdin reviews.

http://www.youtube.com/user/kNIGHTWING01 His channel is here.

Catch you later.

Four Years! Irate Gamer DVD Volumes 2 and 3

2011-08-11T12:29:00.005-05:00

I was about to start work on the Part 2 of the ROB Redux Recap when I checked IG's site and saw some shocking news. After four years, IG finally released Volumes 2 and 3 of his stupid DVD. Not only that, but he reprinted Volume 1 to be "professionally pressed". Wow, way to admit you rushed the first shitty DVD to beat James Rolfe.

The new Volume 1 is $13.99, has a new cover with IG wearing a gray t-shirt and at least trying to look angry this time (compared to the original cover where he's just indifferent), but content-wise it looks the same.

Episodes include Back to the Future, Where's Waldo, Goonies II, Mission: Impossible, Ghosts N' Goblins, Jaws, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Super Mario Bros. 2, MUSCLE, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Yo! Noid.

Extras include Added scenes, outtakes, the "making-of documentary" that I've shown in the past, "commercials" and Hotel Gaming.

Volume 2 is $14.99, the cover has IG doing a combination of the Awesome Face and slack-jawed anger.

Episodes include Tetris, Contra Parts 1, 2, and 3, Q*bert, Preadator, and ROB Parts 1 and 2. Hang on, where's Zombies Ate My Neighbors? Well, he did upload the "DVD version" to YouTube... well that's just cheap. Especially when he uploaded it before the DVD release. Do it after!

Extras include deleted scenes, an alternate ending to Predator (hopefully one where IG loses), missing Zombies Ate My Neighbors scene (so you won't upload the episode but you'll upload a missing scene?), additional scene added to ROB video, outtakes, trailers, and a Christmas video that was banned from his YouTube account.

It was a bunch of random scenes from his show with a snow effect overlayed on it, followed by him saying Merry Christmas and a random Bullet Bill flying by because "That's related to video games! I'm so a gamer!" Followed by an Elf Yourself with IG, Tony, Devil Bores, and Ronnie. The last clip is what got the video removed, or so I've heard.

This is what an average Elf Yourself video looks like: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gerWP7imzg8

It's not IG's, but it should give you an idea.

Volume 3 is also $14.99, the cover is modeled like an early NES box cover. 8-Bit IG with 8-Bit Ronnie in the background. Hmmm: http://www.ffstv.com/avg/

Episodes include E.T. Parts 1 and 2, Home Improvement, Monster Party, Aladdin, Kool-Aid Man, and Educational Mario Games Parts 1 and 2. Jeez, his show is modeled like a British comedy.

Extras include deleted scenes, 3 "mini-sodes" (no idea what they are, probably the Retro Mini and Top 5 NES games), 8-Bit intro (that's part of the Aladdin video, how is that an extra?) outtakes and trailers.

The reason Volume 2 and 3 aren't one big DVD is quite obvious. Money money money money!

Before you ask, no I will not be purchasing the DVDs. If I wanted to willingly waste my money on annoying garbage, I'd buy Limp Bizkit's entire discography.

I imagine a brave person will buy the DVDs and put the content onto various video sites that aren't YouTube. If someone does, I'll gladly do a recap on them.

Until then, let's laugh at Chris' rampant egotism as he thinks this crap will sell out. HAHAHAHAHA

Update: And the announcement video is out, and guess what he's doing another contest! Goody, more comment spam.

"For months you've been asking..." He also said this on his site. Months? Try years! Don't pretend it's been nearly four years since your first DVD.

Volume 2 DOES have Zombies Ate My Neighbors, apparently he made a mistake on his site. Because double-checking is for losers!

One of the Volume 3 "mini-sodes" is that idiotic Scrabble DS Scandal that originated in a British tabloid. It's like he wants to make a TMZ for gaming but scandals aren't an everyday thing.

I just want to remind you to use your money on something better. Get an awesome TV show on DVD, buy some music, subscribe to Netflix, get a new console. That's all I'm saying.

Micro Machines on a Track Loaded with Dull

2011-08-06T19:09:00.001-05:00

What’s this? Another 80’s video so soon after the last? And it isn’t about fucking cereal or food in general? I better grab my gun, it’s flying pig season!

Just a mere couple of weeks after that pointless video about old cereal, here’s another “80’s video” about Micro Machines. Can’t really complain about the subject, it’s an old toy a lot of people liked. Though I have a feeling this video will be laaaame.

0:05 - 0:28: We start with a quick history lesson as he lists off the various videos. 30 seconds in and I already want to fall asleep.

0:29 - 0:58: “Of course, who could forget those crazy Micro Machines commercials featuring that fast talker?” Given how most of your fans were born after 1995... I’m going to keep bringing that up. He needs to realize most of his fans are kids and that his target demographic finds his videos childish and ill-informed. He needs to write his scripts with that idea in mind, and not that people his age are watching. If they are, they’re usually doing it to mock him.

So does he show one of the commercials? Of course not, we get a parody of them. A really REALLY bad parody.
Aside from not speaking fast enough and pausing way too much, it’s just a bad attempt at random humor. Wise Sage shows up, though I think his appearance is recycled from the RoboCop video.
“Eat them for breakfast!” EVEN IN THE FUCKING TOY VIDEOS HE HAS TO BRING UP CEREAL! GOD DAMN IT! *meditates* There’s still 3 minutes of this.
“Shove them up your butt! They even come out your nose!” Again, bad attempt at random humor. It’s like watching a rejected Robot Chicken writer trying to do a sketch without the action figures.
Then some dumb joke about the assembly line unable to shut down.

0:58 - 1:26: He moves onto the Micro Machines travel set, listing off a bunch of locations. Including a fish n chips restaurant. He has a female voice as the drive-thru attendant, a voice that’s clearly not his. I wonder who she is, I think it’s LadyBuggin777 but Bores only credited himself. Per the usual.

1:27 - 1:45: He puts the city together, prompting some pointless special effects. He also calls it a “mecca”, you should probably get a thesaurus for certain lines Chris.
“My god it’s magnificent!” Good lord, even his overacting sucks. How do you fuck up hammy acting? It isn’t funny like Jeremy Irons or David Caruso and it isn’t entertaining like Kenneth Branagh or Christian Bale, it’s just awful. And what’s that sword behind him?
He lists off more locations, at the hotel he used green screen to insert himself into one of the cars. Why? What’s the purpose of doing that? Is it a joke? I don’t get it! If anything, it only makes people want to step on him.

1:46 - 2:10: He then complains how the back of the box completely screws up the order the playsets are connected, like how the bridge goes into the repair shop. Yeah, I doubt the toymakers were taking legal zoning board ideas into consideration for a children’s toy.

2:11 - 2:33: IG notes the following year saw the release of six more playsets. He lists them off, ending on another damn “micro Bores” joke. This calls for a Megadeth song! These boots are made for walking, and that’s just what they’ll do. One of these days these boots are gonna STOMP all over you!
He reveals he made his own custom sets, a marina and a post office.
“Yeah, I know I’m a goober.” No argument here.

2:34 - 2:59: He goes on about how they were popular, had video games, gold cars, and they left in the 90s. Blah, it’s almost over.

The video ends with the rating. He liked them as a kid, and putting it all together is a “Nostlagia Overload”. It’s official, he wants to make that a catchphrase. Yeah, I don’t see that catching on. The only catchphrase of yours that succeeded was “bang-a-lang” and not only was that a different character, but most of the fans can’t even get it right. Hell, they can’t get his name right either, calling him by his catchphrase like he’s a Pokemon.

That was pointless. I can tell that at least THIS is something he fondly remembers, but the presentation was severely boring and the jokes really didn’t make things better. There are toy collectors that can probably do (and have done) a better job than this.

Redux Recap: RSI. Robotic Sleep Inducer

2011-08-04T17:25:00.002-05:00

I should probably do a Redux Recap now, it’s been a while since I’ve done one. Oh joy, his 2-part ROB video. This is going to hurt.

The ROB episode marked a lot of turning points for IG’s suckiness, a few he still uses today. The first is overhyping the episode, going on and on about how the upcoming video will be “epic and amazing with so much hard work” and blah blah blah. In the months preceding the video, he posted news and pictures showing what he‘s going to do. Unfortunately, the news archive on IG’s site only goes up to January 26th 2011, everything before that seems to have disappeared. Hmmm.

I should probably address the elephant in the room, the AVGN’s 100th episode. Personally, I enjoyed it. I thought it was a lot of fun to watch. That’s what I’m going to say about it. However, if you’re going to claim he stole from IG’s video, I’ll bring up that IG stole from Awesome Video Games first. Back when they were a parody of 90’s shows and not a livestream of various games. I’ll bring up the similarities in the recap, but if anything; the AVGN “stole” from Awesome Video Games not IG. Since James and the FarFromSubtle crew are good friends, it’s not that big of a deal.

Here’s Awesome Video Games’ Gyromite video: http://blip.tv/videogamesawesome/gyromite-3103492

Before ROB Part 1 was uploaded, there were three other videos. The remastered MUSCLE review, his FORTY-EIGHT SECOND review of Iron Man, and the trailer for Part 1. I’ve already brought up the MUSCLE video, and due to length I’ll cover the 2008 movie reviews at a later date.

The trailer is his standard stuff. “I put in a lot of work and it’s going to be epic” and all that. Of course, the final product looked less like two months and more like two weeks.

I’ve put it off long enough, here’s IG’s ROB review.

Intro: An interesting thing to note is at the end of the theme, the words “Season 2” show up. Implying that “this is the start of Season 2”. However, his organized playlists completely change that, making the second ROB video the end of Season 2. He continues labeling the videos Season 2 up to Monster Party, then drops it after that. It’s almost like he didn’t plan anything and just decided sorting his shows by season would look “professional”.

Title card: A bunch of ROB related items floating in mid-air while a constipated IG looks down at ROB. So, was this five minutes in Photoshop or did it take you “hours” to get the right look of “anger”?

0:40 - 0:54: Right off the bat you’ll notice two other big changes. One is his wardrobe, he’s wearing a blue button-down shirt. You know, like someone else that wears a white button-down shirt. “Come on Daniel, be reasonable. It’s just a one time thing right?” Nope, the button-down shirt is recurring, appearing in many reviews after this one. It’s not like he was in enough trouble aping his style he has to steal his wardrobe.

The other change is his wall is covered in posters. I think this is where the “two months of work” went, he was busy buying old issues of Nintendo Power off eBay to adorn his wall. At one point, he actually advertised this as a “new set”. Hmm, *grabs Chrono Trigger poster and puts it on wall* OH GOD WHERE AM I?

“Today we’re going to look at a very obscure Nintendo accessory that not many people probably recognize” Had you said this in 2003 that line would have made sense, but this video came out after Mario Kart DS and Super Smash Bros. Brawl. By then, ROB had re-entered the collective gaming conscience.

IG mentions that ROB’s role to bringing the “Nintendo system” to America was pivotal. Oh boy, botched history lesson time.

0:55 - 1:20: He brings up the video game crash and how retailers refused to carry anything video game related. So far so good…

“Nintendo decided to pair the NES System up with a robot and market the console as a robot gaming system rather than a video game system.” Whoa boy, here comes the “wrong”. By the way, NES System? I’ll go play my Nintendo Entertainment System System after I play my PSOne One and Game Boy Advance Advance.

Nintendo didn’t market it as a “robot gaming system”, they marketed it as a toy. There was far more emphasis on ROB and the Zapper rather than Super Mario Bros. The NES was designed the way it is because video games before that were on consoles with a top-loading cartridge slot, the cover was intended to hide that there was a cartridge inside.

“To everyone’s surprise, the plan worked.” Actually, ROB wasn’t the sole reason the NES succeeded. It started with an aggressive campaign to get the NES into retail stores, leading to a test market in New York City in October 1985. It sold well enough over the holidays that test markets popped up in Los Angeles, Chicago, San Francisco until it eventually went nationwide in September 1986. ROB did help a great deal, but there were other factors involved.

1:21 - 1:54: Things start getting boring as he goes over various details about ROB. Leading to the amount of games compatible with ROB.

“Out of almost the 700 games produced for the NES” And you’re wrong again! You’re saying the NES had less than 700 games, when in reality it had at least 800. That’s not counting the many MANY Famicom games not released outside of Japan.

1:55 - 2:19: He shows that he also obtained a Japanese ROB, not sure why he had to buy one considering he doesn’t have a Famicom.

“… called the Family Computer Robot. Or Fucker (F.C.R) for short” Good lord what an painful joke, you’re grounded for two weeks! Now go to your room and think about what you said!

He mentions how the American ROB matches the color scheme of the NES, then attempting a joke about wanting to camouflage it. Chris, mind telling me what the colors of the Famicom are? They’re red and white, like the Famicom Robot. Ever consider that’s why the American ROB is gray?

Seriously, why did you buy a Famicom Robot? Those things aren’t cheap, why buy something if you’re unable to use it?

2:20 - 2:48: He gets into ROB’s accessories and this is so boring. He brings up how the base is numbered but the pieces aren’t, he wants to set this thing up for “optima paformance”. What’s that? Do a second take so it doesn’t sound like he rushed those last two words? Hogwash!

“This is a highly technological piece of shit we’re dealing” I couldn’t tell but was that a joke? I know that some of the things I complain about were intended as jokes but it’s stuff like this where I honestly can’t tell.

2:49 - 3:26: IG mentions that ROB needs a lot of batteries, and he needs to find some. Then Vampire Killer from Castlevania starts playing as we get filler! For no reason other than to make this video exceed 8 minutes, we get IG looking around his room for batteries. Actually, I might have a reason. He did this to show off his “awesome new set”, try to convince everyone he’s a gamer with all these posters.

He solves his battery problem by grabbing his Game Boy off his HANG ON A SECOND. 3:18, look in the background. “The Ultimate History of Video Games”. Is that the book he was talking about in all his ego-stroking videos?

Anyway, he grabs his Game Boy and takes the batteries. Make sure to shoehorn a Zelda reference in.

3:27 - 3:36: He says ROB needs 4 AA batteries and one of the accessories requires a D battery. At least he didn’t spend another 30 seconds trying to find it.

3:37 - 4:36: He starts on Gyromite, showing the title screen with the game’s Japanese name, Robot Gyro. Aren’t you going to bring that up? That seems like something that’s worth mentioning.

He shows the “Direct” screen used to calibrate ROB, then decides to show ROB pressing the A button. Experience filler!

Yes, more padding as we watch ROB slowly move the Gyro. Instead of focusing on something like the game footage while it moves, we get shots of Bores … angry I guess?

Finally, ROB pushes the… B button? I thought you said he was going to push the A button?

“All that just to push the A button” He pushed the B button moron! Learn the difference!

This is followed by a poorly-acted angry rant.

“What a piece of diarrhea dickwaffles!” The hell is that supposed to be? *thinks it over* I got it! You take a waffle iron shaped like a penis, take a shit in the waffle iron, cook it, and you have a waffle made of shit that’s shaped like a dick. A dia… I just made myself depressed. Ohhhhh……. Dragon Quest VIII take me away.

4:37 - 5:01: IG moves onto the game itself.

“In this game, you start off as Professor Gyro” And the incorrect facts just keep coming! His name is Professor Hector, not Gyro. Even Awesome Video Games got this right, and they get things wrong on purpose!

He gets into the gameplay, collecting dynamite before time runs out. If you do run out, the dynamite will explode and kill Hector. IG wonders if it did or else the noise gave him a heart attack. Or the concussive blast ruptured his ear drums, causing to faint. Or it’s a kids’ game and they didn’t want to depict a violent death. Just saying…

5:02 - 5:44: He continues to explain the gameplay, bringing up the red and blue pillars controlled by ROB. He shows the controls and for some reason his controller has a sticker with the letter “P” on it. … It’s part of a gag.

It’s the “Party button” and pressing it makes ROB “get jiggy with it” as he shows ROB dancing He didn’t by chance learn how to “Do the ROB” from Ace and Chet now did he? And that’s one idea stolen from Awesome Video Games.

By the way, Getting Jiggy with It? Was Hammer Time too dated for you? And did you really have to play the Will Smith song too? I wonder if that’s going to be on the DVD.

5:44 - 6:04: He brings up that ROB is sometimes unresponsive as he shows an example of this. Look Bores, just because ROB is boring doesn’t mean you have to be too. He also flips off the plastic toy because “grrrr I’m irate”.

6:05 - 7:08: IG then mentions that Hector can’t jump or attack enemies. No he doesn’t refer to the enemies by their name, Smicks. Just thought I’d clarify that.

He also shows how the lack of jump button can trap him in a hole with no way out. He thinks it’s to make things “challenging”. Well, it is a puzzle game and the stage always starts with showing all the dynamite. So it’s kind of your fault that you grabbed the dynamite that was intended to be last before you grabbed the others.

“The developers of the game…” You mean Nintendo?

He goes on and on about the controls being split between the two players for the purpose of using ROB. That’s kind of the point they were going for.

“Look how much faster I can beat the stage without using the robot” You’re missing the point, either you play with ROB or you play with a friend. The game is better with a friend but either way you need a second player. Yes, the robot sucks, I get that. But you have to take certain things into consideration.

He then compares this to Super Mario Bros if they put the jump button on the second controller. Hmm that’s a … “the suicide rates in this country alone would go through the roof” You couldn’t have just ended on the comparison.

7:09 - 7:33: IG gets to a point where a pillar is blocking him and a Smick is approaching. ROB moves too slow and he gets killed, giving us a poorly-delivered growl/yelp/scream that is funny for the wrong reasons.

“You dickbag! You’re the worst player I ever played with!” Well, he is a step-down from the Wise Sage and… umm…

The video ends with IG trying once more, when ROB decides to “accidentally” crush Hector. Just like how Ace & Chet’s ROB “accidentally” crushed Hector. IG yells at the plastic toy and ROB’s eyes glow red, causing Bores to react with dull surprise. A ROB that’s secretly evil? Did he take lessons from Ace & Chet’s ROB? That leads to three ideas taken from Awesome Video Games.

IG tells ROB to behave or he’s out of here, followed by a “To Be Continued” and an “oooo scary” shot of ROB. You can tell it’s scary by the generic music.

Man, three years later and that video still blows. All kinds of inaccurate facts, boring as sin, and so much lifted material. Where did that two months go? The only parts that looked like they needed work were the dancing ROB (sped-up footage) and… that’s it really. I still think the two months was dedicated to getting posters and other obsolete consoles for his “new set”. It’s not like Part 2 came out at the same time, it came out a month later.

Craaaaap, I still have to do Part 2. Expect it soon.

Test Your Patience. Gushing Over Mortal Kombat.

2011-07-31T09:48:00.006-05:00

And here it is, IG’s Mortal Kombat 9 review. As usual, three months after the game hit shelves. God forbid that he reviews something within a fortnight of its release.

For a while I predicted he’ll gush about the game, once again forgetting his “Irate nature”. Will I have Raiden’s foresight or will I be as blind as Kenshi? Take a guess.
Surprisingly, there was no video announcement, I had to learn about this one from his site.

0:08 - 0:15: “Alright Mortal Kombat fans, you’ve been asking me to review this game for weeks…” Actually, I haven’t been asking. I’ve just been assuming you would do it.
Wait, “80’s fans”, “Mortal Kombat fans”. Is he trying another catchphrase? Would he review Dead Space 2 and open with “Alright Dead Space fans”. He better not say “Gamer fans” otherwise Spax3 is going to sue someone… again.

0:15 - 0:35: And he gushes about it. If you’ll excuse me I have to go win next month’s lottery.
He mentions the game is “well-polished” and hard to put down. Care to tell me what that means?

0:36 - 1:22: IG starts going into the character roster, guess not.
“Want to play as classics like Scorpion, Raiden, and Sub-Zero? You got ‘em. Want to play as the once hidden characters like Reptile, Noob Saibot, and Smoke? They‘re here too.” Wow, you can play as Mortal Kombat characters there were in almost every game! In fact, let me list the games that don’t have those six, playable or not.

Scorpion: Didn’t appear in MK3, but appeared in Ultimate MK3.
Raiden: Didn’t appear in MK3 or Ultimate MK3 but appeared in MK Trilogy.
Sub-Zero: He’s been in every game. Though not as the same person (see Noob Saibot)
Reptile: Didn’t appear in MK3 but appeared in Ultimate MK3. Was only a cameo in Deception. Also didn’t show up in MK vs. DC Universe.
Noob Saibot: This is where things get tricky. He appeared in the first MK as Sub-Zero, but got killed by Scorpion and resurrected as Noob Saibot. The Sub-Zero from the second game was his younger brother. He wasn’t in Deadly Alliance… sort-of. He was in the GBA “sequel” Tournament Edition. He also didn’t show up in MK vs. DC Universe.
Smoke: Didn’t appear in the first game, Mortal Kombat 4, Deadly Alliance, and DC Universe. Noob and Smoke were a tag team in Deception.

I’m not counting the spin-offs because we’d be here all day. What I’m saying is it’s not a big deal those characters are in the game. MK9’s roster consists of characters that were already in one of the previous games. The only new ones were Cyber Sub-Zero and Skarlet (as DLC), no I’m not counting Kratos or Freddy.

“Talk about nostalgia overload! There’s plenty enough here to keep old-school fans like me very happy” Is “nostalgia overload” another attempted catchphrase?
“Expecting stage fatalities? Yep, they‘re back too!” They never left. They appeared in every game besides Deadly Alliance.
He brings up the return of Babalities and how he wasn’t a big fan. The camera cuts to him saying “well they can’t all be winners” and it cuts back to the game. Strange, I was expecting a dumb Cousin Joey scene to happen. Crap crap crap, now that I said it, it will show up in the “special YouTube version”.

1:23 - 1:40: IG notices how the different kombatants have different fighting styles, noting Smoke using palm strikes and Reptile using grappling moves. … Begrudgingly I have to agree, it’s a nice detail. I guess this is where his “Martial Arts training” comes in, though I still doubt he can actually perform the White Crane style *cough*Predator*cough*.

EDIT: Until it turns out that Reptile and Smoke are just using their throw commands, something ALL the fighters can do. Thanks to Awesome_Allen for telling me this.

1:40 - 2:03: He brings up the different modes. Mentioning that the Challenge Tower has 100 levels. Noo, it has 300 levels. You couldn’t double-check that little detail?
He also says the story mode is awesome. Yes, it’s so awesome he didn’t even beat it (his character roster lacked Quan Chi and Cyber Sub-Zero).

2:04 - 2:44: He puts down the controller to talk about the “extras” the game comes with. Aren’t you supposed to be talking about the game? Who cares what extras it came with?
IG brings up that he got the special Tournament Edition (rather, that’s the version GotGame gave him) and it came with an arcade stick. He then looks over the arcade stick. GET BACK TO THE GAME! This isn’t that impressive, all the Capcom and Namco fighting games have one.
We then get a shot of him looking “angry” as he plays the game. Otherwise people will forget he’s “Irate”.

2:45 - 2:56: IG brings up how the PS3 version has Kratos, but wonders why he can’t use his long-range attacks. It’s a fighting game, that would not only be cheap it would also be considered cheating.

2:56 - 3:34: He says that he hasn’t unlocked anyone because he “thinks you have to beat the story mode”. He just confessed to not beating the story mode! Holy shit! Add another video to the “he just didn’t care” pile.
He does bring up the downloadable characters, once again reminding us he was at E3 this year.
He brings up Freddy Kruger, and does a reaction shot of… I have no clue what that’s supposed to be. Shock? Terror? I’m going with “Derp”.
He wasn’t fond of the idea, but has warmed up to it and will probably download him. Whatever the video is almost over.

The video ends with IG saying it’s a fantastic game and to go get it, followed by an annoyed “Game On” and a dumb “Toasty” joke.

Well that was idiotic. He didn’t beat story mode, he barely explained the fighting mechanics or gameplay, he wasted time talking about the god damn arcade stick, he didn’t even mention multiplayer, PSN is no longer down so he has no excuse, praised the dumbest things (GUYS THIS GAME HAS SUB-ZERO! THIS IS HUGE!), and overall this was just dumb.

But I figured it would be, given how he drools over Mortal Kombat. I don’t think he likes it for the fighting, he only likes it because there’s blood and gore. That may have been cool in 1992 but now we have plenty of games with graphic violence, it’s not that amazing in 2011.

UPDATE: IG uploaded the trailer/update to YouTube. Yeah, it's a bad sign I can get the recap out warning people how bad it is before he can inform his subscribers it's up.

Usual stuff, tells people it's up at GotGame. Then he says "very in-depth review". Oh for the love of... This review was about as in-depth as an empty cup of pudding! How is it people don't see his rampant egotism?

He also announces the contest winners for his Star Trek posters, putting the names of the winners on screen. Enjoy your cheap posters, Irate Gamer will continue not to care about you.

He mentions more contests but needs to "sort out the details". Translation: I'm still looking for cheap crap around my house to send to you.

"More stuff coming" Yeah yeah I don't care.

So when's that DVD coming? Or is it another empty promise?

Oh Look, More Cereal. 20 Year Old TMNT Cereal.

2011-07-22T23:03:00.001-05:00

Last month, in my RoboCop recap, I said “why does Bores bother to advertise I Rate the 80’s? He hasn’t made a new one in a year.” Well surprise surprise, an all new “Breakfast Rant 2.0”.

Good lord this is going to be stupid. Well, maybe he’ll do another toy. I’m surprised that last one he did wasn’t food related.
“Ninja Turtles cereal” OH GOD DAMN IT!
Cereal again? What is your obsession with that stuff? I get the feeling if he had breakfast at a hotel, he’d ignore the freshly-made bacon & eggs, pancakes, omelettes, and head straight for the cold cereal.

… Let’s go then.

*sees description* That crazy reviewer? Well, at least he got it right. He is crazy… though not in the way he intended. Better than calling himself a “lovable gamer” at least.

0:05 - 0:20: “Welcome back 80’s fans” Ha! 80’s fans. They’re not even watching this shit. Hey Chris, most of your fans were born around 1998.
We also see his “set”, a bunch of 80’s toys on his desk. “Oh man, look at all this 80’s stuff I have! This will make me cool right?”
He mentions how cereal companies did “gimmick cereals” based off Saturday Morning Cartoons. Mentioning Strawberry Shortcake and… Super Mario Bros. That cereal wasn’t based off the cartoon Bores.
Oh God, he has a box of it. I hope he understands that a 20 year old cereal will taste cardboard covered in slime.

0:20 - 0:47: A green screen grocery aisle. You’re making a video about cereal, is this necessary? I also love how he’s implying this is the 80’s even though the boxes of Cookie Crisp have the wolf mascot introduced three years ago.
He brings up that the box he has is unopened (I doubt it will still be good) but he won’t reveal how he got it. Off eBay, don’t try to act “mysterious” when the answer is almost always eBay.

Oh wait, that was to set-up a cutaway gag. … Who’s this? Some guy with a beard shows up. He’s not Scottie, or Eric “Wise Sage” Allen, or Brad “The Genie” Harp. The credits tell me nothing. So, Bores has another person willing to show up in his videos. USE HIM! Don’t play every character yourself! Especially when they’re background extras, that’s just moronic!
The bearded guy won the box off eBay and tells Bores about it. He gives him the box to hold when his phone rings, Bores uses this distraction to switch it with a box of Mini-Wheats. Wow, what an asshole. I can’t even tell if he’s supposed to “in-character” here. Then again, even out-of-character he’s still a thief.
Also, where’s this gag located? Well, clearly it’s in Chris’ house (TMNT figures, the scroll) but the way they bump into each other implies a different location. If so, does Bores just carry a box of Mini-Wheats around in case he finds a rare cereal? Given his cereal obsession this wouldn’t surprise me.

0:48 - 1:15: He gets to opening the box. After he does that he takes out a bowl and starts pouring it. Wait, the box was supposed to be unopened. Why is the bag inside open?
He points out the cereal resembles Chex with marshmallows, though the marshmallows are brown. That should be a clue NOT to eat the cereal Chris.
“Let’s check out this box” I sense padding.

1:15 - 1:33: Bores points out the Turtles on the front, and despite clearly being able to see them all, he lists off what they’re holding. He notes Raphael “bringing the tunes” and Michelangelo bringing a net. Cue record scratch and a little forced anger. You find issues with Mikey holding a net but have no qualms with Raphael holding a radio. Whatever.

1:34 - 1:51: “Now let’s move to the side of the box” I was right, padded to Hell. This video is only 2 minutes, 39 seconds and it still needed trimming.
He reads off some of the ingredients. Holy shit! It’s a box of cereal! Even your little kid fans have seen a box of cereal! God!
He also notices it was made by Purina, as in the dog food, and wonders if that’s why the marshmallows are brown. No, the marshmallows are brown because it’s a 20 year old cereal. Also, that’s “Ralston-Purina”. Before 1994, they made both animal food and cereal. Notably Chex and Cookie Crisp (which is why this cereal is Chex with marshmallows).

1:52 - 2:04: He moves onto the back. God damn it…
He brings up how this box has trading cards related to the TMNT movie, and notes how other boxes had puzzles, contests, and “ho-lograms”. Hang on, Captain Picard is calling me. He wants me in the “ho-lodeck” to do a “ho-lographic” simulation.
Jeez, Chris is acting like nobody has ever had cereal. Like cereal is some high-end food like filet mignon or caviar. This is really sad.

2:05 - 2:14: “So how do I rate this one?” Wait, you’re actually going to rate it? Wow, he actually stays honest to his title. That’s a first.
He says he remembers not liking it, but the nostalgia alone rates it as “Nostalgia Overload”. I don’t get it. You didn’t like the cereal but the fact it’s Ninja Turtles is enough of an “overload”. You do realize there’s a ton of other TMNT products that can provide a “nostalgia overload”. I don’t know…

The video ends with him pouring milk into the bowl. You’re not…
Then he takes a bite and immediately spits it out. WELL HOW DID YOU THINK IT WAS GOING TO TASTE?! God damn it…
And to add more time to the video, we get a shot of him going “bleh” to the camera. Because spitting it out wasn’t enough of an indication that you didn’t like it.

Well that was a complete waste. It took him over a year to make another “I Rate the 80’s” and it’s something that could have been a minute long. And again with the green screen, it isn’t needed in something this simple!

Guess I’ll wait for IG’s eventual Mortal Kombat 9 review. That will be a joke.

Next IG DVD Coming "Soon"

2011-07-20T11:49:00.002-05:00

It's been almost four years since IG released his first DVD, a rush job released to beat the AVGN's first DVD. Did the first DVD do that well? I don't know, Bores never brought it up. He never mentioned selling out of stock, or needing to restock, or any implication that the DVD was doing well. I figured that when he did a contest to give away free copies, he was overstocked and nobody was buying.

So with that assumption, I wondered "why would you even consider making another one?"
News of the next DVD was sparse, Bores would sometimes mention he's "hard at work" on it but most saw it as "reassurance" to the few fans he has.
A while ago, he mentioned he was working on THREE DVDs. IG volume 2 and 3, and a separate DVD for History of Video Games (making it a completely different series). Again, I thought it was more reassurance.

On July 20th 2011, this updated appeared on his site.
I must get at least 10 emails a week asking about the status of the dvd's. Well finally I can tell you they are coming! And not just one volume, but 2! This double dose of Volume 2 and 3 will be here in August!
Been talking to some interesting people and more great news coming soon!

As usual, he has to remind us "he get lotsa e-mails" to ensure he's still popular (HA!)
Why release two volumes? Why not release one big volume? I have a feeling it's money-related.
August huh? We'll see...
What does he mean by "interesting people"? That's an extremely vague term. Is he trying to be "mysterious"?

So the DVD is set for next month. I put "soon" in quotation marks because we know of IG's habit of never keeping his promises. If it does come out next month, I'll be surprised.
I imagine any DVD exclusive extras will be uploaded to YouTube or other sites shortly after release.
Nearly four years, good lord that's lazy. That's all I really have to say about the DVD. I can't believe he hasn't learned his lesson from his first pile of crap barely selling.

On a slightly different subject, IG will never reach 100 episodes. Hell, at this rate we'd be lucky to see 50.
How many episodes does he officially have? Let's see.
Neo and History of Video Games don't count. Two-part episodes released the same day count as one episode.
30 episodes. Wow... And that's counting the Retro Mini "commercial" (normally I wouldn't).

That's all for now.

Deja Vu: Critical IG Videos Getting Flagged

2011-07-15T09:41:00.002-05:00

Feels like it's 2008 in here. Various videos bashing the Irate Gamer are being taken down for "copyright infringement". Whether they're parodies, commentaries, or even simple "Bores n Doors" they're facing the illegal iron fist of... Cry Wolf Productions?

Back when the first flaggings started, they were also for copyright infringement. But the company was Y2B Productions, Bores' little one-man company that legally has no copyright and thus the flagging was illegal. After about a year he came to his senses and stopped trying to hide the videos pointing out why he's wrong as the task was futile and it only made him look like a bigger douche.

But who is Cry Wolf Productions? Right now, nobody knows. Searches have brought up a distribution company located in Texas, far away from where Bores lives. It could just be a fake name for a group of trolls that don't like seeing their idol getting bashed. It could be Bores using a new name, knowing that Y2B Productions would immediately give away what he's doing.

So as a warning to anyone with anti-IG videos on YouTube, put them on private. Wait for this bullshit to blow over and bring them back up. That's all I can really say.

E3 2011 Part 3: Have We Reached The End? (UPDATE)

2011-07-06T20:42:00.011-05:00

This is the coverage that doesn’t end, it goes on and on my friends. Most people have completely moved to better gaming news, but Irate Gamer doesn’t and that is why this is the coverage that doesn’t end. Because this is the coverage that never… oh it ended?
After a long painful month of asking the same questions, claiming to be a fan of stuff he clearly hasn’t heard of, and terrorism, IG’s E3 coverage is over! And man these last videos are quite the punch to the gut.

Let’s finish this!

Video 17: LittleBigPlanet for Playstation Vita (June 27th)
http://gotgame.com/2011/06/27/little-big-planet-psvita-first-look/
“Woohoo LBP fans!!” That’s from the description, there’s no context for it being there. Can’t write a description? Just shout something completely random
We then get a demo of the game, and other than touch screen and gyroscope additions it looks exactly the same as all the other LBP titles. God I’m bored.
After the snooze-inducing demo, it jumps into an interview. All he asks is “when is it coming out?”

Video 18: Skylanders: Spyro’s Adventure (June 28th)
http://gotgame.com/2011/06/28/skylanders-spyros-adventure-exclusive-look/
Really? This piece of crap? I hope he doesn’t say it looks good because nobody thinks this is going to be good. You have to buy action figures to unlock different characters (more of Activision‘s money pool generators), and Spyro looks like he was hit with the biggest stick from the ugly tree.

“Dat looks awesome” Ugh. All I can think of is Eye of Judgement. These characters are so generic, why would I want to play as them?
Chop Chop, Prism Break, Ignitor, Flameslinger? Yeah I know I’m ranting more about the game itself but IG isn’t saying anything.
“It kind of reminds me of Pokemon” … On second thought, stop talking Bores. Just don’t talk.
As usual, IG asks the same damn questions. More characters, consoles, and release date. It’s like he has a checklist and he MUST follow it.

But, the part that gets me is at the end. IG does his idiotic “game on” signoff, and Jeff from Activision there repeats it. You know, I like to think that the other representatives hear him say that and wonder “Is this guy for real? Is GotGame like some Nickelodeon thing?” Activision sucks.

Video 19: 3DS Games (June 29th)
http://gotgame.com/2011/06/29/irate-gamer-e3-3ds-games-rundown/
“The Irate Gamer checks out 4 titles on the 3Ds” … You’re doing this on purpose now aren’t you? “Hey maw, I just done gone saw one of dem movin pictures in da 3Ds”, that’s what it sounds like to me.

YouTube Description: "Only a few more E3 vids left. Then we'll return you to your regularly scheduled programming" You have a schedule? Do you share it with Scott Ramsoomair?

He looks at Luigi’s Mansion 2, says he didn’t like it. Next!
He looks at “the new Star Fox 64 game”. Well, at least saying it like that is correct since there is more than one Star Fox 64. Though I can sum up his thoughts as “it looks cool, and Star Fox fans should be pleased”
Then he looks at Mario Kart, “it looks cool, it has new power-ups, and it looks cool in the third dimension”. Well if you aren’t going to elaborate Chris then why should I?

He then moves onto Kid Icarus Uprising, which he had “some disappointments”
“I’m a huge fan of Kid Icarus” Yes, I’m such a huge fan that I’ve never said the hero’s name correctly.
He says the controls are confusing, circling things because he thinks we’re morons. Also, that’s an analog stick not a d-pad.
He also says the battle system was annoying, but this one he barely goes indepth.
“Setting up the game this way…” Something about that line doesn’t sound right.
“Gameplay aside, the graphics and 3D were awesome” Basically he just said “screw gameplay, I only care for graphics!” Gameplay is more important you fool!

He ends the video saying he also played Super Mario 3D, but “that’s a review for another day”. So you’re going to wait until the game comes out? Oh wait no, he just confused “review” and “preview” again. Because they’re so similar.

Video 20: Star Wars Kinect (June 30th)
http://gotgame.com/2011/06/30/star-wars-kinect-e3-exclusive-details-revealled/
“This intrepid interviewer…” You don’t know what that means do you? An intrepid interviewer/reporter/journalist is someone that goes into risky areas like war zones or corrupt businesses. You’re an asshole that went to a convention open to thousands of people asking questions anyone with a grain of common sense could figure out.

“… strikes gold yet again when a yet to be revealed fact about the game slips out” E3 ended three weeks ago, any “facts” you have will likely have been reported by better news sources. Even if it is something “new”, nobody cares. You’re the only moron that thinks this piece of shit looks playable. I haven’t even gotten to the video!

The video does begin with Bores playing the game and someone telling him how it works. The more I see of this game, the more I understand how idiotic it is. Put this on the Wii or Playstation 3 with Move exclusive controls, at least I have something concrete to hold onto. Pretending I’m holding a lightsaber is like going back to the stone age, no wait they actually had clubs and rocks, this is just outright stupid! This is why they made toys, so you can hold something when you’re playing Jedi.

“Decapitation Chris that was awesome” What have I said about talking? Oh wait, that was someone else… don’t talk either way.
We then enter interview mode. IG asks the same damn questions that we can see from the trailer, and this Matt guy from LucasArts says “iconic” more than Joe Maddelana (look him up kids).
And where’s this “revealed fact” that he bragged about? All of this I could see from the footage!

Video 21: Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City (July 1st)
http://gotgame.com/2011/07/01/resident-evil-operation-raccoon-city-e3-first-look/
“I’m a big fan of the Resident Evil games” Your review of Resident Evil 5 says otherwise.
After Eric from Capcom explains that it’s a team-based game, IG asks “Is there one main character we’re playing as?” Did you not listen to what he was saying? This is like that G.I. Joe interview from two years ago.
“Will we be saying any classics like Jill or Chris?” You can clearly see Leon and Claire. You know, the characters you don’t know of because the only Resident Evil game you played was 5, I’m surprised you know Jill considering you didn’t get past the first level.

The video ends with a shot of Bores looking at the camera and nodding. What the hell was that? His face didn’t show any emotion so I have no clue what he was trying to convey there.

Video 22: Kirby Wii (July 5th)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVnlh1ptbis
Half the video is a montage of the game as he makes “funny faces” to the camera. Do his fans really find these reaction shots funny?
“Wow oh wow” Careful there, you almost channeled Arch Hall Jr.
“Not that Epic Yarn crap” God damn it I knew he would say this! We get it, you didn’t like Epic Yarn! You gave an extremely hypocritical and poor reason for not liking it, but you’ve established well enough that you didn’t like the game. Quit. Bringing. It. Up!
Then he says it looks amazing and can’t wait for it to come out. That’s it. Boy, that was pointless. Well, more pointless than the other E3 videos. How much longer…

Video 23: Super Mario 3DS (July 6th)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQc8JzgcFkQ
“Of course I saved the best for last” Is… is it over? Are there no more E3 videos after I finish this?
“If you love Mario games, you’ll enjoy this installment too” I hate when he says this, I really do.
“And this time, he’s in 3D” I thought he was in 3D back in 1996 when Super Mario 64 came ohhhh you mean the other 3D. The one that's just a fad right now.
He brings up old enemies and shows footage of Rocky Wrench while calling him “this guy”. You did this voiceover in post-production, you seriously couldn’t go to the Mario Wiki and find “Rocky Wrench”? Also, this isn’t their big comeback. They showed up in Super Mario Galaxy and New Super Mario Bros. Wii.
After some more rambling, it then enters a montage with that stock rock track he’s used before. Oh god damn it his Pac-Man Fever is coming out! Not at E3 you moron! Why is he angry? Didn't he say he liked the game? Also, he’s using footage from the trailer. I don’t care anymore, this E3 shit is over!

What do I make of that? The captain obvious questions, the feigned interest, caring for games that anyone with an ounce of common sense can tell you are going to suck, Ubisoft, I seriously SERIOUSLY hope GotGame has the sense to not bring him next year. That’s all I really have to say.

What’s next? Well, Bores confirmed on Facebook the next Neo video is Mortal Kombat 9. I imagine it’ll be another video where he forgets his “character” is supposed to be angry, then make up some pointless flaw because he couldn’t find a real one. Followed by a regular Irate Gamer episode on RoboCop 2 & 3. I guess we’ll see that in January.

UPDATE: Oh GOD DAMN IT! I knew it was too good to be true! IG uploaded yet another E3 video.

Video 24: Top 5 E3 disappointments and let downs. (July 7th)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EblJex6ojDs
Oh this is going to suck.
The video isn't at E3, but at his house.

1. WWE '12
He didn't like how there was only four characters, no arenas or announcements, not understanding why this was one the show floor. Because the WWE series is big and THQ will do everything to show it off. And no mention on how it dropped the "Smackdown vs. Raw" title?

2. Final Fantasy XIII-2
Or as he calls it, "the new Final Fantasy game". Look, with Final Fantasy you have to be specific since Square-Enix milks that crap.
He says the graphics are pretty, but he hasn't been "wowed" since Final Fantasy IX. He didn't understand the story and he felt the "attack system" was dated. You didn't play Final Fantasy XIII did you? It's the exact same system, it's not "dated". It came out in late 2009.
He demands that Square fixes it so one attacks like the old games or one attacks like "God of War". You mean like the Tales series, or the Kingdom Hearts series, or Final Fantasy Versus XIII? ... God damn it you're an idiot.

Oh, and I missed this the first time around. He calls it "Final Fantasy XII". You clearly edited this video Bores, you didn't even notice that? Or do you fail with roman numerals?

3. X-Men Destiny
Or "the new X-Men game". Is it really that difficult to say titles?
He says he didn't like how you don't play as any of the actual X-Men, but three students created for the game. Begrudgingly... I agree. I have zero interest in this game. Bleh, I just agreed with Bores. I feel unclean.

4. Twisted Metal
Finally, some elaboration on his throw-away line from the Sony Conference video... pfft.
He said it felt rehashed. It's the first real Twisted Metal game in a long time! In fact, the car battle genre isn't exactly a big one.

5. The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword
Oh boy, here we go. He does acknowledge people will get mad at him for it. ... Too easy.
He thought the controls were "clunky" and felt switching weapons was a "pain in the butt." First off, do you know what clunky controls are? The Wii tries to avoid this with the limited buttons. Second, pain in the butt? Quit trying to keep this PG.
He says others agreed with him, and that it's all a bad sign and things need to be improved and blah blah blah. People are still going to buy it, and they're going to lavishly praise it. That's just how the world works.
He then says he wants a gritty, adult Zelda, similar to God of War. Go fuck yourself. I've seen assholes say similar things like this, and they're laughed off the forum for being so childish. It's not "mature" to want a gritty Zelda, it's extremely simple-minded. It's the "Call of Duty audience" mindset and frankly I find it disgusting.
He then brings up the Wii U tech demo and hopes the graphics are like that. Yeaaaah, Nintendo reported they won't look like that.

In a dishonorable mention, he was disappointed in THQ for not showing a new Voltron game because they secured the rights for it. That doesn't mean anything, it just means they have the rights to make a game, it doesn't mean they must make one.
"Damn it" *pounds table* Grr, I'm angry. Can't you tell how angry I am that there's no Voltron? Grrr.

In his "Want More" card at the end, he advertises the "Best of 3E" coming so ... you seriously didn't spot that?
Whatever, when he releases his goddamn Best Of list I'll edit this to include it.

UPDATE: For the love of... before we're "treated" to his Best Of list, we have to deal with another video from the show.

Video 25: Legend Zelda Wii-U Tech Demo - Irate Edit (July 8th)
No, that's really what the video is titled. "Legend Zelda", what the hell is wrong with you?
"I had to manually insert every sound FX heard in this video. Took me awhile to put together so i hope you enjoy" ... Is this what he means by "Irate Edit"? This is going to hurt.

He shows the tech demo with sounds he added. It didn't hurt, but I really have to ask why? This could have been time spent on making actual content, instead of pointless edits that weren't needed. Can you just end this Bores? Nobody cares anymore!

UPDATE: Video 26: Top 5 Best of E3 (July 12th)
Are we at the end? I hope we are. The well is bone-dry.
"I know some will disagree with my choices since this was a big year for First Person Shooters, but I don't really get into those" Bores, most gamers are really sick of the FPS genre. Don't try to act like your "high and mighty" by not including Modern Warfare 3 or Halo 4 on your list.

1. Super Mario 3DS
He just reiterates everything said in his preview video (see above), he calls it a "review" in an annotation link. Someone really should tell him the difference.

2. Sonic Generations
Once again he goes on about how awesome it is, calls it a "review" in his annotation link blah blah blah. He comments that fans have been wanting a Sonic game similar to the Genesis titles for "a couple years". Try a decade!

By the way, this is a 3 minute 21 second video, we're not even a minute in and he's already on the third game of his Top 5 list.

3. Ninja Gaiden 3
Whoa! He said it correctly! Maybe he does listen to me. Or one of the people at GotGame smacked him off-screen and said "it's GUY-den you fuckwit".
"There's lots of action, lots of button-smashing" Dumb complaint but it's button-mashing not smashing. Jeez, he can't even get the terminology right.
He also says he got an interview with the developers but he scrapped it because they didn't tell him much. How is this different from your other interviews? Oh wait, they might have actually told you stuff if you weren't a dipshit and asked questions like "Is the downloadable Mortal Kombat fighter also going to have special moves?"

4. Star Wars Kinect
I KNEW IT! You have got to be kidding me. I would have preferred you put Modern Warfare 3 on the list, as linear as it is at least it has a decent amount of control.
"It's really cool, you jump, you lightsaber, you've got force pushing" Stuff you can do in a lot of Star Wars games. Waving your arms isn't a good incentive. Also, when did lightsaber become a verb?

5. Kirby Wii
Five bucks says he bashes Epic Yarn again.
He didn't outright bash it, he just said "it wasn't the game I was wanting, this is blah blah blah".

Unfortunately that's not the end of the video. He brings up the 3DS Streetpass and how it works, and that he got a lot of different Miis and people e-mailing him saying they got his Mii. I don't care? He also says he'll get a 3DS review out in the future because he gets requests for it. Can't bring up a possible video without creating the illusion he has fans.
"There's one more video" NOOOO oh it's just bloopers. Well fuck that! I am done with this! Holy crap this took forever.

Cross your fingers that GotGame wises up and doesn't invite him next year. I hope they gave him shit for the Ubisoft video.
So what's next? Probably going to wait for his Mortal Kombat 9 video, or do a Redux Recap.

E3 2011 Part 2: More Embarrassing Than Mr. Caffeine

2011-06-27T11:07:00.005-05:00

Here we go, more E3 coverage from the man that clearly doesn’t deserve to be there.

As I said I didn’t want to split this into parts, but after his childish Ubisoft video… let’s just move on from that.

Video 7: Spider-Man: Edge of Time (June 17th)

http://gotgame.com/2011/06/17/irate-gamer-e3-2011-spiderman-edge-of-time/

He’s skipping Nintendo? Strange. I know he did that video with “Raychul” but that technically doesn’t count.

Edge of Time, looking exactly the same as Shattered Dimensions. Oh good, Activision found another well-received game to exploit for their money pools. This time it’s Beenox-developed Spidey.

The video begins with a montage of the convention floor, with one shot of Bores trying to look cool on the elevator. Stop that, it’s humiliating.

He heads over to Activision to conduct an interview… crap crap crap crap. At least he was kind enough to give the representative’s name.

IG asks four questions. “What’s it about? “What are the new attacks?” “Who are the villains?” “When and where will it come out?” Let’s see how many times he asks these same questions.

We get some broken English answers from Gerard (he’s French-Canadian, I won’t hold it against him). He says a bunch of stuff one can figure out from the trailer or just isn’t that exciting. That’s about it.

I hope I don’t have to suffer through too many interviews, these are just boring. Maybe we’ll get a dumb line like “Harmony of Despair is a throwback to the 8-bit games” or asking a question he was just given the answer to.

Video 8: Sony Conference … again? (June 17th)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmYiqKh-Nxw

Apparently he applies the same rules to his E3 videos that he does to his Neo videos, where the YouTube version is longer than the GotGame version. I’ll count it as a different video since the other one was only over a minute and this one is four and a half… ugh.

The video begins with him outside where Sony is holding a small food festival, where they have a replica of Sweet Tooth’s ice cream truck. IG gushes over it. Does he know the name of the clown that drives the truck? Of course not.

We then get a montage of the various booths and food trucks, and we see him eat. This is exactly what I want out of E3 coverage, food! I’m just glad breakfast isn’t involved.

Seriously, it’s a whole minute spent looking at food. If you want to make a show about food, then why didn’t you do that? It’s clear how much you love it.

Then the conference starts. He brings up Sony’s big apology, his casual mention of it makes me think he has no clue why they’re apologizing, Then shows Sony’s new split-screen technology, followed by a pointless reaction shot. Wait that’s the same shot he used when Ice-T appeared at Microsoft’s conference. My God you’re lazy.

He brings up the Playstation Vita, which didn’t happen until much later but screw telling things in order. He says he has a LBP PSVita “review” later. Once again Chris, a preview is not a review. They are two completely different things.

He also brings up Ruin, saying it’s similar to Diablo. There! That’s a game that’s similar to Diablo! I still don’t know where the hell you saw it in Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin.

He moves onto NBA 2K12 (which he calls NBA 2K because he’s an idiot) and how they brought out Kobe Bryant to try it. Cue forced reaction shot from Bores and padding.

That’s followed by the recap video from GotGame with the fixed audio glitch, see Video 2 in the previous post to read what I said about that.

Video 9: Mortal Kombat 9 Skarlet DLC (June 18th)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4hN_aSTSQrE

Of course he spells it “Scarlett”. Some MK fan you are, spelling something with a C instead of a K.

For some reason this went up on YouTube and not GotGame. I don’t understand the logic behind his updates.

It’s another damn interview.

“I’m assuming she’ll have special attacks, fatalities and all that?” Of course she will! Quit asking questions that anyone with an iota of common sense can figure out.

Next!

Video 10: Ruin for Playstation Vita (June 20th)

http://gotgame.com/2011/06/20/irate-gamer-e3-ruin-for-sonys-ps-vita/

Wait, what the hell is this? “The First Ever First Look anywhere on this game and the Irate Gamer has it!” Wow, that statement just reeks of Bores’ egotism. Especially when Gamespot and Blistered Thumbs both have interviews about it released days before this video. Seriously, it’s a clone of Diablo. There’s not much to say about it. Plus, we got a pretty good demo from Sony’s conference so if anything that was the “First Ever First Look”

It’s another interview. Chris is trying way too hard to sound enthusiastic.

IG says he likes the Diablo-style camera angle. So did IG play the PS1 version? Or is this more of his lying? I’ve never seen him mention PC gaming in any of his videos and he hasn’t reviewed a single PC game. Oh who am I kidding, he’s clearly lying.

“Are there multiple characters and character classes?” If it’s anything like Diablo, then yes! Which is exactly what the representative says.

“I’m sure you can upgrade your weapons” It’s an RPG, of cour- … god damn it Bores.

The video ends with IG showing a ground slam with one of his sound effects added in. I’m convinced, Bores thinks random sounds are hysterical.

Video 11: Star Trek (June 20th)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knfYhinvFQA

Yet another interview. This one was really uneventful.

“Will we see the other Star Trek characters?” This isn’t the 80’s, companies try to put more effort into movie tie-ins, especially when the game is going to come out 3 years after the movie.

Next!

Video 12: Wii U (June 21st)

http://gotgame.com/2011/06/21/irate-gamer-e3-wii-u-hands-on/

IG begins the video showing what the Wii U can do in the E3 montage, along with a terrible reaction shot. You know Chris, it’s not cool or funny to do shots like that. It makes you look like a tool.

He then cuts to the Nintendo booth and starts interviewing a representative, or rather the rep tells him the Wii U is innovative and all that.

IG then tries out some pirate tech demo created to showcase the Wii U’s capabilities. This annoys me, there are a ton of people that really want to try the Wii U and this hack that clearly doesn’t care about video games gets to see how it works. Life isn’t fair sometimes.

I don’t know if it was the bad camera work or Bores being … Bores but that demo was really boring.

Video 13: Wii U Part 2: New Super Mario Bros Mii (June 22nd)

http://gotgame.com/2011/06/22/wiiu-hands-on-part-2-super-mario-mii/

*reads description* Hang on a second, the description for the first Wii U video said “The Irate Gamer gets his hands on this highly sought after device” but the description here says “The irate gamer gets his hands on this device!” Are you that lazy that all you could do is remove three words? You couldn’t even capitalize your name!

“Now we’re checking out the new Mario game for this new platform” These 3 minutes are going to suck.

There’s a lot of padding about how great this “new” Mario game is even though it’s the same thing as New Super Mario Bros Wii but with the ability to play as your Mii. I don’t think it’s even a real game, just a tech demo.

Bores continues to ask questions that Nintendo will not answer because they’re Nintendo and they never give away secrets. Meaning he can’t rely on his checklist of “characters, powers, levels, enemies, etc.”

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Video 14: BurgerTime World Tour (June 23rd)

http://gotgame.com/2011/06/23/e3-burgertime-hd-plus-exclusive-dlc-news/

IG says he has an exclusive announcement about DLC. What really happened is that they released an April Fool’s trailer with the Burger King and they want to make it a reality. So technically this isn’t exclusive. Plus I found a couple articles mentioning DLC.

We get more of IG’s “I totally played this as a kid, I’m a gamer guys really” crap. He also said he was really looking forward to seeing this. You know, his usual lies.

“Oh wow that is awesome” Again, why do you talk?

Actually, his excitement over this goes back to his obsessive love of food. Put food in something and I’m sure Bores would call it the greatest thing ever.

The video ends with IG winning a match and doing ANOTHER DAMN REACTION SHOT! Hey SWAG, Steve Masters, Guru Larry, someone tell him doing that makes him look like a douchebag and it isn’t fucking cool. Then again he’d still be a douchebag if he stopped so… yeah.

Video 15: Sonic Generations (June 25th)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slZ5gaQBwDs

“Next it was on to Sega and the new Sonic Generations game” There’s more than one Sonic Generations? Yeah I know made this joke last year with Transformers but he really needs to phrase what he says better.

He also brings up how the game is in 3D and it’s really cool. Honestly if I have to wear those glasses, I’d gladly do without the 3D. It’s still a gimmick.

Another interview *sigh*

“So is there a 3D version and a regular version?” … You’re an idiot. At least the representative tells him “it’s a separate mode”. They wouldn’t release the same game twice but with one version in 3D. Who’s dumb enough to do that?

*points to Ocarina of Time 3D* That’s a remake released 13 years later, it’s not the same thing.

I doubt Bores has even seen a Sonic forum. He just says that to make himself sound like a Sonic fan.

I don’t understand why he put “SHADOW ANNOUNCED” in the title of the video, he won’t be playable and frankly he’s a lame character. I don’t mind new characters in Sonic, but Shadow is the result of “we need to make the series darker, make Sonic a brooding dickhole and call it a new character”.

And it’s probably just me, but I was really annoyed with IG’s fake laughter in this video. It just felt like he was trying way too hard.

Video 16: Street Fighter X Tekken (June 26th)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CnoHjIag-CU

This time he claims to have “exclusive joystick news heard nowhere else”. *Goes to Google* And Yoshinori Ono posted a tweet about it on June 7th. Is it really that big of a surprise? Every big Capcom fighting game has an arcade joystick, maybe other outlets didn’t feel it was important to cover because “duuuuuh”.

We’ve got an interview, and hey it’s Seth Killian. Someone should tell him that Bores is a fraud and had no idea what Tekken was until last year.

Usual questions from IG, characters, DLC, blah blah blah.

But good lord his ego is bursting at the seams, anyone that’s interested in Street Fighter X Tekken would know there’s a joystick, it isn’t “exclusive news”.

I think this is where I’ll end Part 2. Why? In the description for the latest video Bores said he has two more weeks of this shit. With more “great news heard nowhere else”. I'm so glad his fans are noticing how much of an egomaniac he is.

E3 2011 Part 1: So It Begins...

2011-06-17T07:54:00.003-05:00

So it’s come to this… again. For the third year in a row, the people at GotGame took Chris Bores to E3. What do these guys see in him? I can only assume they’re exploiting his unexplained popularity to get views to their site. But here’s an idea, get people that are talented!

As I’ve said, I’m not angry at IG going to E3, just irritated. Maybe GotGame will finally drop him by next year.

Let’s get through this garbage.

I know I said was going to wait until all his coverage was out, but I felt my blog could have used an update. I didn’t feel like doing a Redux Recap and I don’t want to watch that other Mythbusters parody. There's also another big reason but you'll see that at the end.

For context, what I did was wait for a video to come out then write up on it. That way I wouldn’t have to go through 15-20 videos at once. I also marked the date to show how long it takes for him to release coverage.

Video 1: Day 1 Recap with Raychul (June 7th) http://gotgame.com/2011/06/07/e3-2011-day-1-conference-recap/

Who? She’s an interviewer for GotGame and does her own videos. I tried watching her review on Lego Pirates of the Caribbean, and she just reeks of “fake” as in Morgan Webb or iJustine fake. Most of the time the camera is focused on her, banking on the idea that gamers are perverts and if she just stands there talking people will watch her. We get it, you have boobs! It isn’t like a vlog because there was editing involved.

Oh right, the actual video. We have IG and Raychul standing next to each other, IG is holding a piece of paper that I believe is some kind of script. I say that because he keeps looking at it.

IG says that if there’s a game that’s on the 360, the Wii, and the PS3, he’ll play the PS3 version because he can just sit there and play. Psst, you can do that with the other two. You’re coming off as a PS3 fanboy Chris. Besides, it’s not like the PS3 is completely without motion control *points to Six-Axis and Move*

They talk about Star Wars Kinect and how it looks “awesome”. No no no. Even the hardened Star Wars fans can tell how crap that is.

IG brings up Ninja Gaiden III, oh I’m sorry, Ninja Gay-den III. You can tell Raychul isn’t a gamer because she hasn’t tried to correct him. I really hate people that pronounce it that way.

Blah blah blah more crap I can get better opinions about from Giant Bomb and Blistered Thumbs.

IG then brings up how he couldn’t get into Ubisoft’s conference and tells them they suck. You’re not important! Who cares that you couldn’t get in? Was it so important for you to see Mr. Caffeine?

Raychul brings up “I Am Alive”, something Bores clearly hasn’t heard of. I can tell he hasn’t because his response was “Ubisoft is really mismanaged”. By the way, I imagine Ubisoft won’t be discussing I Am Alive because the game is about surviving an earthquake, a little too soon.

Raychul brings up Last Guardian and Kingdom Hearts III. Wait for TGS for the former, and Square-Enix has said they won’t work on Kingdom Hearts III until Final Fantasy Versus XIII is finished. I know I’m not talking about Bores here but I had to clarify this.

Bores wanted God of War IV. … God of War III came out last year, be glad you’re getting anything God of War related with the ports of the PSP games.

IG mentions how Microsoft’s conference was lame and how last year’s was better. No it wasn’t! It was just as lame! Oh, he means the free 360’s. Oprah-style giveaways make everything better!

He goes on to mention the “best thing” they could get was Ice-T and you would only like if it you’re a fan of Law & Order. You do realize that Ice-T was a famous hip-hop artist and fronted a metal band, not to mention they brought him in because he’s voicing a character for Gears of War 3, one of the 360’s big titles. He had a reason for being there you unpleasable ass!

The two then sign off.

What do I make of that? You can tell Bores had no clue what Raychul was saying half the time, he kept changing the subject to something else after she brought up a game he wasn’t familiar with. Either way it was two frauds talking.

Video 2: Sony Conference Thoughts (June 7th) http://gotgame.com/2011/06/07/irates-sony-conference-thoughts/

IG starts the video saying he played the demos stationed behind the curtain.

“A lot of games I didn’t expect like Twisted Metal” Twisted Metal was announced last year, how the hell did you not expect that? Oh right, you don’t care.

He says it was only “okay”. Sounds like he kept losing.

He brings up Ninja “Gay-den” III again. IT’S GUY-DEN! Watch The Wizard god damn it.

He then moves onto Street Fighter X Tekken (he calls it Vs instead of Cross but I’ll let it slide). There’s a major audio glitch that he seriously should have spotted before sending the video to GotGame (or he uploads them to the site itself, I don’t know). He also says his favorite fighter is Cammy. There better be more reasons other than “she has a hot ass”.

Video 3: Nintendo Conference and Wii U Thoughts with Raychul (June 14th) http://gotgame.com/2011/06/13/e3-2011-nintendo-conference-wii-u-thoughts/

We start on IG and Raychul in front of some wall, IG is wearing sunglasses. They were impressed with Nintendo’s conference.

Raychul starts explaining how it works, in case you were under a rock for the six days since Wii U was announced.

IG says that Nintendo is really innovating and that Sony & Microsoft are stuck. No, I’d say they’re all innovating in some way.

Honestly the rest of the video is just “blah blah blah stuff you heard already if you actually cared to look it up when the news was fresh”.

Technically, both videos with Raychul weren’t made by Bores. They were made by “GotGame TV”. But I’m still counting them.

Video 4: Microsoft Press Conference (June 14th) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqbEK7_58bo

For some reason this video went up on YouTube before GotGame. Strange.

“Irate Gamer’s Coverage of E3 begins!” I thought it began last week with that Sony recap?

“I won’t show the entire hour long conference” That’s why we have sites like YouTube and Gametrailers that archived it. So we can see all the Kinect-related embarrassment. Also, the conference wasn’t an hour, it was 90 minutes.

“So let’s bullet point this bad boy” Why do you talk?

“The first game they showed was Call of Duty 3” Oh wow, he got the name completely wrong. The actual Call of Duty 3 came out in 2006, this is Modern Warfare 3, the “spin-off” of sorts. If anything this is Call of Duty 8. Learn the difference.

He then recaps what happened in the demo. Somehow he made the ultra-linear shooting game even more boring.

He moves onto Tomb Raider, which he claims to be have been looking forward too. Suuuure you were, and I bet you’re totally stoked for *insert revival of classic franchise* because it was on an old console and you want to make yourself look like a total retro gamer.

Now it’s padding time! He shows part of the demo on shaky cam. It saddens me there are people dumb enough to call this the “best E3 coverage” when one can just look up the game and find much better footage of it. It’s like watching a bad Let’s Play.

Moving onto Mass Effect 3 and the use of Kinect. More shaky footage with a shot of Bores for no reason, he wasn’t even reacting to anything.

Did I mention this video is padded to hell?

He brings up the addition of YouTube, Bing and live TV. The last of which he calls “vewy cool”. Oh yeah, that way I can watch TV on my TV! … Something’s not right.

Bores lists off the Kinect games, many of which look awful. Including the boring-as-shit Star Wars, that he’s excited for. He’s probably the only one. He tells us he has a video of him playing it coming soon. Oh this will be fun. For some reason he lists the games out of order.

Then he brings up other game trailers, this isn’t how the conference happened!

He gets to Gears of War 3 and how they brought in Ice-T to “play with the host”. Host? That’s Cliff Bleszinski, the director of the game. Respect him!

Ice-T appearing prompts a reaction from a very green Bores. I have no clue what he’s trying to emote.

More demo padding, followed by Ice-T announcing Body Count’s reunion. Bores complains that they didn’t perform right there. Because a musical act that isn’t rhythm game related during the middle of a conference would completely slow it down. It was okay for Nintendo because they did it at the very beginning.

Bores then shows the trailer for Halo 4. Woo…

We cut to Bores outside, seriously what’s with the sunglasses? He then… recaps what we just saw. My God he really does think his viewers are idiots.

Well that was dumb. The worst part though? We have to suffer through the same thing with EA, Sony and Nintendo. Good thing he couldn’t get into Ubisoft… oh wait we have to see the video where he whines about that.

Video 5: EA Conference (June 15th) http://gotgame.com/2011/06/15/e3-2011-ea-press-conference-highlights/

IG starts the video saying the coolest thing about the conference was a Vince Lombardi Super Bowl trophy in the hallway. That’s a pretty weak highlight.

He says the first game they showed was Need for Speed: The Run, which is wrong because the first game they really showed was Mass Effect 3. Unrelated to the Kinect stuff from before.

He says NFS looks really cool due to a “storyline” and “getting out of the car”. Because that’s what was missing from my RACING game, fucking quicktime events! There’s a good reason I call it “Need for Speed: The Runs”.

Then some padding.

He moves onto The Sim Social, noting how you can “get it on with your fake girlfriend”. He responds to that with “uhh yeah I’ll just stick to the real thing”. You do know you can do that in the actual Sims right? I won’t resort to a cheap shot here, I really do like to think I’m better than that.

IG brings up that they filled the room with a fog machine to promote the new SSX. Am I supposed to be impressed by that? It’s a fog machine, I’ve seen plenty. Also, is it me or did he sound really awkward when saying “SSX”? Like he was trying not to accidentally say “sex”.

Followed by more padding! For being a 3 and half minute video, it feels like it won’t end.

“Pretty cool” that wasn’t even gameplay! Only say that if isn’t a CG trailer.

“But the clear highlight of this event, had to be for NFL fans, as EA promoted their newest Madden title.” Because it’s not like they release a new one every… I can’t do it. God damn it Bores! Most actual gamers stop listening during this part because they don’t give a shit about coverage of a game that comes out every year!

He then shows the part where the football players show up to… promote I think. At least Ice-T had a purpose! Those guys were there so EA can say “we got these guys, give us our annual $60 dollars for Madden”.

And… that’s it. What about Battlefield 3? That was the true highlight of the show! What the hell Bores?

I am surprised he didn’t bring up the Star Wars The Old Republic trailer and complain about it still being developed. Either way, those were awful highlights.

Video 6: Irate Gamer vs. Ubisoft (June 15th) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5XHa2oaBQc

Two videos in one day, is he improving? This video is only over a minute long so no.

This minute consists of Bores complaining that Ubisoft was mismanaged and how their a bunch of assholes and good god shut the fuck up! Do you even play Ubisoft games? Do you even care for Splinter Cell or Ghost Recon, Rayman, Far Cry, so why are you complaining?

“You don’t mess with the Irate Gamer” Grr, I’m threatening.

He then has his camera man pull out his lens cap, he presses it and somehow blows up the Ubisoft office. Because that’s the perfectly sane response to not getting into a conference, TERRORISM. What the hell is wrong with you? Even Spoony wouldn’t threaten to destroy 2K Games after the XCOM “betrayal”.

It also happens to be the exact same explosion from the RoboCop review. My guess that it would be his new default was correct, and now I am saddened.

The rest of the video is another “check out these videos” title card.

I’m flabbergasted, this was a completely daft video. You know how many other small-time journalists don’t get E3 interviews? Do they complain? Well yeah but they move on! Do not turn this into an on-going gag on your fucking show. I don’t want to see you review Rayman Origins and try to make Ubisoft sound like an evil company all because you couldn’t get into a damn conference.

This is mainly the reason I uploaded this post early. NOBODY would use an implied death threat to send a message to a big company. Was he even “in character”?

I shall wait for more awful E3 coverage. Ugh.

RoboCop! Wait again?

2011-06-04T18:46:00.003-05:00

It took eight months for the next actual IG review to come out. For someone that’s promising an “epic continuing story” and only releases new installments every 7-8 months, that’s really bad form. He makes Kentaro Miura look like Charles Schulz.

After endless build-up about this episode being the one where “things get complex”, what is he going to talk about? RoboCop on the NES. … He already reviewed that! Yeah, in his only crossover review to date.

Three years ago, game reviewer and journalist SWAGshow decided to do “30 Reviews in 30 Days”. On occasion he would bring in another reviewer to help, the event saw crossovers with Aqualng, Guru Larry, stanburdman, and neverchris. On Day 29, he brought in the Irate Gamer to help review RoboCop on the NES. You can read my recap of that idiocy here: http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2009/11/by-popular-demand-robocop-review.html

SWAG also happens to run GotGame, and to my knowledge the only competent reviewer to think Bores is legit. I keep bringing this up because he’s one of the fools responsible for Bores going to E3 for the third year in a row. I’m going to dread that…

Now surely Bores would be willing to acknowledge that he already did this game, and explain why he’s doing it again. He does not. Way to leave one of the only people willing to trust you in the dust.

Take a breath, and lets look at IG’s review of RoboCop for the NES.

I have to address something in the title. “The Irate Gamer Show HD Episode 2”. Episode 2? So now that you record in HD it suddenly makes it a completely new series? That would be like if The Simpsons decided to pretend the first 429 non-HD episodes never happened.

The video opens with a title card laced with link annotations saying “Watch Part 1 First!” It’s the Cool Spot video, it’s nothing related to RoboCop. Unless he means his storyline…

0:03 - 1:31: The video really starts at the Castle of Generic Name, with an all new look that I’m sure isn’t going to be explained. Inside the Evil Gamer is creating more “Odyssey clones” as the original from the last episode shows up. Good lord these robots suck. All black costumes with a visor-thing to show their “eye“, it doesn’t help they all have beer bellies making them really silly.

Evil Gamer calls the original “Red” as we see the new ones have a purple eye. Oooo menacing, kneel before our purple eyes of doom! Stop laughing!

Also, they say “Hello Dave” when they awaken. I’m convinced now, Bores hasn’t actually seen 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Evil does a systems check on his iPad. Need to control an army of generic robots? There’s an app for that.

He then goes to make a speech to the other ones, and this green screen stage is horrendous. The perspective makes Bores look like he’s 20 feet tall.

“Greetings loyal subjects of the Shadow Lord’s Army!” Wait, is it Shadow Lord or Shadow Overlord? The sign on his podium says “Shadow Lord” but which is it? Did he feel the “over” was too dramatic?

He introduces the original HAL-Bot as “R.E.D” or “Robotic Electromat Device” (that’s what it sounds like to me) and that’s why he calls him Red. You know, instead of something simple like the fact he’s the only one with a red eye and the others are purple. Just saying…

“Let me be the first to welcome you to this army and everyone here will receive a tote bag” And it’s all downhill from here.

Evil Gamer goes to report to the “big boss” as he leaves RED to debrief them. At least Evil Gamer is better as a “sniveling lap-dog” than a “petty dickhead that wants a badly-written internet review show for no reason”. Either way, his lack of origin and reason still make him an awful character.

Cue the theme! Once again, it’s Blind Pass in slow-mo. Cause a real theme song is for losers!

1:38 - 2:02: We cut to IG’s place as he’s watching… Days of our Skeletons? What follows is a soap opera parody with Ronnie and two other versions of him. This episode is going to hurt isn’t it? If you care what the plot is, Ronnie learns his wife/lover/whatever Bonnie is having an affair with his brother Dirk. Dirk is French, and Bores has a horrible French accent. Not “American Gerard Butler” bad, but more like he’s not even trying.

IG realizes he already saw this episode. How? Soap operas have new episodes every day, how are you watching a repeat?

“I guess we’ll just review another game then?” Were you planning on reviewing your unfunny Days of our Lives parody? Transitions, learn them!

2:03 - 3:00: He immediately dives for R, mispronounces Rygar (it’s said like rye bread, not ray gun) and decides on RoboCop. He clearly has the second and third game there, I wonder why he didn’t pull those out of his shelf. Then again, I’d imagine this wouldn’t come out until September if he looked at those two games as well.

Tony appears and wonders who IG is talking to. I watched Animaniacs too Chris.

This also means we get a good look at Tony’s new design. Since he’s no longer a sprite from Maplestory, I can’t call him that anymore. Instead, I’ll say this, “Look at the size of that boy’s head. That’s a virtual planetoid!” Seriously datboidrew, you’re better than this.

Tony stopped by because he left his boxing gloves here, and I love how Bores is putting zero effort into changing his voice for him. Also Wise Sage shows up, maybe he’ll somewhat save this.

Tony says he needs them so he could give his neighbor a beating, followed by his nonsensical catchphrase. Nothing says “relatable character” like a cartoon midget with possible assault charges.

That’s not the end of it. IG remarks that Tony has always been a tough guy since high school, setting up a flashback. Really, we’re supposed to believe they all went to school together? Clone High is more convincing than that.

The flashback has Tony and an alive Wise Sage walk up to IG at his locker, Tony’s hand is covered in blood because he beat up a freshmen who, according to Sage, “had it coming”. Then he starts coughing, IG tells him he should go get it checked out but he says he’s fine. I don’t see how he’s concerned, that was a pretty weak cough. I’d start getting worried when it evolves into a smoker’s cough.

He also calls him Eric, his real name. It makes me wonder how death makes him a “wise sage”, I guess he didn’t want to call him Jedi despite a Star Wars gag being the sole reason he was created.

EDIT: Two odd continuity issues. If IG and Wise Sage went to high school together, why did Sage call him "Luke" back in his first appearance? Oh that's right, pointless Star Wars gag. Also, Tony is hand-drawn in high school, yet later in his life he's a Maplestory sprite. Did he just decide being pixellated was fun for a short time than changed back? Or is it more of Bores' lack of consistency?

“A week later, he was dead” Wooow, that was bad. There are certain deliveries used to say lines like that, casually saying it isn’t funny. In fact it sounds outright insensitive.

3:01 -3:20: He FINALLY gets to the game. Look, a long set-up is okay but it should at least relate to what you’re talking about. Nothing about the first three minutes was related to RoboCop.

“This was a popular movie in the 1980’s” What year? I’m sick of your vague timestamps.

“A video game a-daption followed close behind” What the hell is an a-daption? It’s “adaptation” you dropout.

He then puts the game into his classic Toaster NES. Couldn’t handle games on the Toploader anymore? I think he switched because people kept pointing out how his Toploader wasn’t even plugged in, and the way his Toaster is set-up we can’t tell at all.

EDIT: I don't mean the Nintoaster, I mean the classic gray box NES. The "Toaster" was its nickname.

EDIT: Cody S. noted a strange edit here. He leans down to put the game in, shows the title screen, then suddenly he's holding the game again and he puts it in the console. Did he leave an extra take or something?

3:21 - 3:55: IG says that going by the opening sequence, the game might be good. What have I said about judging from the intro?

“Hell yeah, walking killing machine!” You’re aware that he upholds the law right? He doesn’t kill people unless they’re armed and refuse to cooperate. I have an inkling he hasn’t actually seen the movie.

He points out how both A & B punch, and Select does his “block attack”. That doesn’t make sense. A block is defensive, not offensive. You can‘t use your block to attack someone.

However, IG is… unintentionally correct. There’s a glitch in the game that allows you to hit enemies by blocking. IG never brings it up. Thanks to Deliverance115 for showing this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFIcgLM6jeM

“It looks more like he’s sneezing!” *added sneeze sound* “Gesundheit” Thanks, I needed to know what a sneeze sounded like.

3:56 - 4:25: He then wonders where the jump button is. He looks at his controller and realizes there is no jump button. You didn’t try pressing Up? A lot of NES games use Up to jump. By the way, you can’t jump in this game. Then again, RoboCop weighs like 1000 pounds, I don’t think he could jump that well. Still, I would have at least tried pressing Up before going into forced constipated rage.

“What kind of shit is this?” So you’re cussing again? Make up your damn mind! Do you want to be family friendly or not? Maybe he’ll just be basic cable, they’re allowed to say “shit” on shows like Conan, Rescue Me, and Archer. Or I’m reading too deep into it and Chris Bores is extremely inconsistent with what he wants.

He mentions how there’s no “gun button” and all you can do is punch people and dogs. To the latter he says “I’m sure PETA loves this” Oh hey, the same exact joke was used in the other review with SWAG, in fact it was SWAG that said it. I get the feeling he won’t be credited for it.

4:26 - 5:08: He progresses through the level until he reaches a point where RoboCop takes out his gun. He gets pissed because derpity-do.

“DESE CONTROLS SUCK” As well as your acting.

“Newsflash jerk-off, using it through the entire game is appropriate!” I looked up info on the game, you can only use your gun in certain areas. Mostly ones with hostility and violence.

We then see him shooting enemies with added bullet sounds. “Yeah work out that aggression!” I’m so excited guys that I have to force it!

He then brings up how the amount of enemies increase when you have your gun out. See I was right, more hostility and violence.

“I can’t even take one step forward without having to kneel and fire” You just took three steps, the narration and footage are contradicting each other again.

“And this gets super repetitive too” You can always use B to punch them. Just saying…

5:09 - 6:07: He begins repeating “forward, kneel, fire” endlessly until something shoots at him. Holy shit a new explosion effect! … I should not be impressed that he has a new explosion after four years, and if it turns out to be another default effect, my face will have a date with my wall.

So what shot at him? It was ROB, back from the dead. Why don’t you just add the fucking Dragon Balls because death clearly doesn’t matter in this show.

We do get an explanation this time. Tony found him in pieces in his closet, even though we clearly saw ROB get disintegrated but I’ll take it over Kool-Aid Man’s mystery resurrection.

EDIT: In the background during Tony's shot, you can see the Magnavox Odyssey. I thought it was stolen?

IG yells at him and Wise Sage learns this was the robot that tried to kill him. Is it me or does Eric sound really bored? It’s like Bores is preventing him from actually acting.

Tony tells them he reprogrammed him to be good. Oh joy, another show with a ROB sidekick, and this will be the worst one since he doesn’t even talk.

IG goes back to the game but keeps an eye out on ROB, also more Pac-Man Fever.

6:08 - 6:26: Near the end of the first level, he sees a building for Data East, the developers and publishers of the game. He also brings up a guy jumping out and trying to kill you, believing it’s “sending out the wrong message”. I think you’re looking into that harmless plug the wrong way. A lot of companies put their name somewhere in the game, Capcom does it all the time.

6:27 - 7:09: “After a level of fighting off dogs, gun SNAFUs and Data East banditos” You don’t know what a bandito is do you?

He reaches the first level boss but doesn’t actually beat him on camera. Instead he skips to level 2. *checks online* Bingo, Game Genie codes to start on any level of RoboCop. I hate it when I’m right.

He goes on about the second level being an alley with crazy shit. I guess he needed to add a boring moment.

7:10 - 7:37: He lists off a few things and enters a courthouse section where RoboCop puts away his gun. He goes into forced anger again, wondering why he’d put away his gun. This stage is based off a scene from the movie where RoboCop didn’t use his gun, that and it’s a public courthouse. I’m not defending the game, I’m just pointing out complaints that don’t make sense.

“I guess we can gather that the mysterious fourth directive is ‘Act Like a Retard’.” That was tremendously unfunny, and insulting to the actual fourth directive from the movie. Makes me wonder if Robo-SWAG was programmed not to fire Bores or else he’d shut down too. Then again, that would require Bores to have seen the movie, and I’m starting to believe he hasn’t.

“Only a jackass would put their gun away in the middle of a fight! *growling sigh*” Grr, can’t you tell how angry I am by that intensity?

7:38 - 7:46: IG thinks the bad guys look like Flint from G.I. Joe. No, they do not. You are clearly seeing things.

7:47 - 8:45: He brings up how the standard mooks are in every level and then runs into the ED-209, which he mispronounces as well. You don’t spell it out, you say it like the name “Ed”. He then calls him a P.A.B. and explains what it means. Was it really necessary to spell out it in text too? I guess it’s the “Explain the Joke Because I’m a Hack Princible”

EDIT: He says the ED-209 "does not go down with a fight". Wow, easiest boss ever! Do you listen to yourself when you talk?

IG manages to beat ED-209 and begins taunting him to go back to his momma. This is coming from the person whose very own mother spends all her free time defending him in the comments. That’s all I have to say.

Somehow, ED-209 heard that and bursts into his room. IG is immediately saved by ROB, solidifying his extremely forced heel-face turn. Which makes me wonder why he shot at IG and Sage earlier?

IG decides it’s not a bad idea to keep him around, to have his own little RoboCop, or “ROB-o-Cop”. UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH! Holy shit that was awful. I’m still deciding if that’s worse than “Somebody call 911 cause I was ROBbed”.

Wait, I just realized. If ROB was in pieces in his closet, where did the ROB in the Aladdin video come from? Do I even care anymore?

After IG delivers that line, a cop hat magically appears on ROB as the “You got an item” jingle from Zelda plays. I don’t see the purpose since ROB doesn’t wear the hat again.

Then IG proceeds to explain the ROB-o-Cop pun. It’s official, this one is worse. At least he didn’t explain the previous ROB pun.

8:46 - 9:28: He reaches the fifth level and has to fight the main villain. Can you say his name? Clarence Boddicker. Nope, instead he brings up that he played the dad on That 70’s Show. Okay, that’s a nice little reference, I imagine other people would do the same.

“Boy that guy sure gets around” Not really, he isn’t like Christopher Walken where he shows up in almost everything. He has a pretty standard career.

IG beats him (with more added sounds) and starts the bonus round, where he kills cast members from That 70’s Show. Ohhhh… you know you could have just said he was the dad from That 70’s Show and left it at that. But nooooo you had to add random violence to other characters from the show! None of these actors had anything to do with RoboCop! Mila Kunis was four years old when it came out! Gaaaaaaah! *medicine time*

That’s the end of it right? Nope, after killing Mila he says “oops, I kind of liked her” until Wise Sage tells him she used to date Macaulay Culkin and he responds “Good riddance”. Look, if you want to make a gossip show then make a fucking gossip show. Don’t shove it into your already awful game reviews.

EDIT: To add insult to injury, the bonus stage shown isn't from RoboCop. It's from Hogan's Alley. Bores couldn't even use the correct game to shoehorn in his awful jokes.

9:29 - 10:38: IG makes it to the sixth level, and complains that RoboCop puts his gun away at one point. More complaining blah blah blah.

He reaches the final boss (the second ED-209) and asks ROB for help. I doubt his Gyros or Blocks will help you. No, somehow ROB goes into the game and blows up the boss. Stop editing the god damn game! This isn’t funny!

And it’s about that time for IG to whine about the ending. The usual “dis is all I get?” and lack of understanding. If you want an ending, watch the movie.

“See you again?! Boolshit! You’re lucky if I write you a fucking postcard!” Okay he’s back to full-on cursing. Once again, unable to make up his mind on if he wants family friendly or not.

He has ROB destroy the game, and I’m starting to believe that my “new explosion is another default” theory isn’t far off.

The video ends with Tony running in, telling him to turn on the news. IG turns on “CCN”, har har that’s… atrocious and you should be ashamed. The news shows the HAL-bots attacking the city, but frankly I’d be more concerned about all the different clones running around.

And since you guys will kill me if I don’t bring it up, one of the citizens is wearing the same clothes as the AVGN. Whether this is a coincidence or Bores taking a potshot at The Nerd, I really don’t know.

The news said the robots are taking people hostage. So are these Cybermen/Borg style robots that will assimilate everyone? It probably won’t be given how lame the writing is.

It then cuts to one of the HAL-bots running into the long-nosed guy from Monster Party, confirming that Chris is so lazy that he reuses Halloween costumes as actual characters. Bravo. It also shows if one refuses to go with them, they’ll be attacked with Looney Tunes fire.

IG notices this doesn’t look good and tells ROB to take care of them. ROB then turns to IG’s wall and somehow goes through it… I don’t know the video is over. Along with “Want more? Check out this other shit” and has links to History Part 1, Bores’ Top 10 Summer Movies, and the last I Rate the 80’s. I do wonder why he would link that considering it’s been exactly one year since he made the Garbage Pail Kids video.

Urrrgh, this was painful. Almost on par with Aladdin. Why did Tony have to come back? Nobody liked him, the fans didn’t even know his name they just called him by his catchphrase. That would be like if I called Homer Simpson “D’oh” all the time.

As usual, the complaints about the game were idiotic. Though I’m surprised he didn’t bring back some of the really bad ones from the last review, like the 8-bit version of the theme doesn’t sound as good or the animation on ED-209 is bad and Bores can do a better job.

This storyline is beyond moronic. I now have a greater appreciation for Linkara’s storylines. The fact that it takes so long for an episode to come out really kills the pacing.

I guess we’ll wait another half a year for the next episode. Oh crap, E3 is coming up. You know what, I’m just going to wait until he releases all his coverage. Because if it’s anything like last year, it’ll be a whole lot of “that looks freakin’ sweet” and “So how many levels are in the game?” Maybe SWAG will be pissed at Bores for doing another review of RoboCop and he won’t get to go again.

LittleBigPlanet 2 with No Idea What's Going On

2011-05-25T22:52:00.003-05:00

Wow, color me shocked. Just about everyone was thinking that IG’s next Neo travesty would be Mortal Kombat 9. We were wrong. For once Chris Bores has defied expectations. Instead his newest Neo video is LittleBigPlanet 2.

Does that mean this video is good? Of course not! It’s the same brand of idiocy and tedium he’s provided since 2007. What else is new?

*checks LBP 2’s release date* January 2011, nice to see he’s still looking at the games months after they actually come out. Why review something within two weeks of the release date? Just put it off in favor of uploading a trailer, adding some sentences at the end, and claim it’s a review.

As usual, he posted an update to his YouTube account announcing the review. He also says he’s been “hard at work” on his newest video, something that would have been released months ago if you weren’t lazy.

“It’s almost finished, I still got a lot of work to do” Am I the only one that finds that contradictory?

“The uh trailer will be up soon uh…” My God you’re a terrible liar. If your plagiarism accusations went to trial, you will lose so hard.

He also brings up E3, oh that’s going to hurt if he goes again. Please SWAG, please don’t bring him. You had to see those disastrous interviews, that can’t happen again.

The description says the episode will be up next weekend. Let’s see if he actually keeps his word this time.

Onto the video.

0:06 - 0:24: “I get a lot of e-mails from fans asking what I’m playing currently” Just once, could you start a god damn video without bringing up your fans. Just say “Today I’m looking at L.A. Noire” or “Today’s review is Mortal Kombat 9”. Bringing up your fans just reeks of desperation, like you really want people to believe you have a fanbase.

I know I keep bringing this up, but if he keeps doing it then I’m going to mention it.

During his intro there’s a blatant jump-cut. You really couldn’t say “I’ve been playing LittleBigPlanet 2 a lot” in one take? Also, am I the only that notices the bizarre audio quality? He sounds weird when he says “let’s see how stacks up”, like the audio skipped or something. He made this in five minutes, didn’t he?

0:25 - 1:03: IG begins gushing about the game, saying it’s so much better than the first with better graphics, better levels, and more fun. Once again, Chris Bores has forgotten that the character he plays is supposed to be angry about video games. Smoooth.

He goes on to talk about “gimmicks” in each level, there’s a major dip in quality in the “cake level” shot that shows he took the footage from someone else, and I’m really getting a Game Dude vibe from this video. The fast-pace, the lack of explanations, all that’s left is for him to make a graphic bestiality line in an attempt to be like the AVGN.

1:04 - 1:19: *cuts to IG* “Now let’s talk about gameplay” *cuts to game* Well that shot added a lot to this 2 minute 42 second review.

“The controls are simple, they’re smooth to use, you go through all kinds of levels” This video feels jumpy, and not in a good way. It’s like he forgot to take his meds.

1:20 - 1:42: Pointless split-screen joke in 3, 2...

We cut to IG with a lot of space over his head (subtle) as two clones of him literally explode into shot, simultaneously button-mashing. No really, they’re doing the exact same movements in-sync. It’s kind of creepy, like synchronized robots.

“The multiplayer is where this game really shines” I thought it was the extremely in-depth customization and large amount of user-created levels?

Blah blah blah multiplayer is awesome with friends or online. God, you could take this part and put it over any game with multiplayer. Street Fighter IV is better with a friend, Modern Warfare 2 is better in multiplayer. At least reviews of those games go into detail on why multiplayer is better, he just says it’s good and leaves it at that!

1:43 - 2:16: IG then brings up the game’s one downside. Let’s see what pointless nitpick it is this time.

He brings up when playing online, a friend might reject your invite but the game still forces you into the level. … What?

He then complains that he has to go back and try again, and it can happen up to four times on slow nights.

… Oh wow, this is weaponized stupidity. Look, I don’t own LBP2 so I can’t tell you if this is annoying or not. But as someone who is interested, this sounds less like an issue and more like whining. It sounds like he’s just complaint fishing in order to fill his “Irate quota”, like that complaint about the sound in Brutal Legend.

I… ugh. Can’t one just pause the game and quit? I’m sure it’s not that big of a deal. Again, he’s probably complaint fishing.

“Oh come on you asshole!” You’re cursing again? Pick a style and stick with it!

He gets into the final verdict. Blah blah worth the money and blah blah blah…

“You’ll even find this game has a lot of replay value” Nooooooo really? The game with hundreds of new levels added every day has replay value? I’d love to see him review an MMORPG, that would be gloriously stupid.

And he brought back “game on”. His delivery of that line sounded really off, like he was doing a bad impression while saying it. A bad impression of who? I don’t know, just someone.

I really don’t know what to say. It feels like he put zero effort into it, like GotGame told him he needs to release a new video so he threw that together. I just feel confused.

Maybe we’ll get to cover the next official IG episode soon? SEVEN MONTHS!

The Little Things

2011-05-19T17:59:00.004-05:00

After a month of nothing, Bores finally uploaded a video. A 19 second "deleted scene" from the Aflac thing. The Kool-Aid Man's audition, and if you can guess the joke then congratulations you're not lobotomized.

This obviously isn't a deleted scene. Bores realized he hasn't uploaded anything in a month so he put on his Kool-Aid Man costume, got in front of his green screen and recorded that. He just called it a deleted scene to try and trick people.

Now that's out of the way, here are some other things worth mentioning.

You know those sprites adorning his walls? The one he claims are made of wood but look far too professional? He didn't make them out of wood. They're PixelBlocks, a Lego-style toy that allows one to create statues out of pixels, including 8-bit sprites. You can buy them here: http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/cubegoodies/6950/

Bores has said the trailer for the next video will be up in a few days. Why waste the time making a trailer? Just upload the video itself.

Not much to say.

EDIT: Site update from Bores. On 5/21/11

Sorry for lack of updates. Been hard at work on the new review. I should have a trailer up soon. Alot of crazy stuff going on in this next episode!

I try to archive these now because he often edits older news or outright deletes them.

There we go, bragging about how "crazy or epic" the upcoming episode is.

Returning to the Vault! MythBusters

2011-05-09T13:46:00.001-05:00

Man, we haven’t seen anything new from Bores in a while. I don’t feel like doing a redux recap, yet I want to write something. I know! Quickly, to the Chris Bores Vault! Codename: y2b2006

Yes, we’re venturing back to IG’s first YouTube channel. Something that I rarely visit because there’s very little material.

There’s 12 videos total.

5 are short Haunted Investigators commercials

The video “Back to the Past“. See the post about that here: http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2010/01/time-machine-that-removes-your-emotions.html

A short video where Bores utilizes split-screen and abuses After Effects for “DBZ Style Fighting”. You know I remember characters on DBZ actually using their fists most of the time, it wasn’t just fireballs.

Another short video that abuses After Effects, this time with Bores being attacked by “fire” for no reason.

A “joke” video with Bores recording Egyptian artifacts, ending on “Thermostat: 4000 BC”. I can see where the Irate Gamer comedy comes from.

An upload of the Mansfield Reformatory segment on ABC Family’s “Scariest Places on Earth”. An excuse to plug the Haunted Investigators episode he did on the prison.

And finally, the subject of this recap. Two MythBusters parodies.

For those unaware, MythBusters is a long-running scientific show on Discovery Channel. Special effect experts Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman use science to determine the validity of various stories, movie scenes, and myths. The shows overuse of explosions and fire make it amazing parody fodder. This on the other hand… let’s just get through it.

I’ll only be covering the first parody in this post, I’ll get to the second one eventually.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGZR9AnypvI Here’s the video.

One title card later.

0:16 - 0:51: We open on “Adam” and “Jamie” giving their safety disclaimer “Don’t try this at home. We’re what you call ‘professionals’.” This is something that does happen on the show, however I wouldn’t call these two “professionals”.

We then get the MythBusters intro, here it’s a combination of clips from the show and clips from this spoof. The spoof clips consist of “Adam” and “Jamie” poorly reciting famous lines from the show, “Am I missing an eyebrow?” “I reject your reality and substitute my own” “Quack damn you!” and so on. I love how the clips from the real MythBusters make sure not to show the faces of the actual hosts, and how the quality between the two is extremely jarring.

So who’s filling the shoes? Adam is being played by Bores himself, because he’s such a dead ringer for Adam Savage.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/4a/Cropped_Adam_Savage_HOPE.jpg

Jamie is played by Brad Harp, who’s better known as the Genie in the Aladdin video. Why do I get the feeling he’ll be using the same flat tone and delivery here?

I also want to make something perfectly clear. Buddhist Priest Alan Cicco is not the Genie, it’s just a coincidence that they both have big full beards. I shouldn’t have to tell you this since his name is not in the credits to the Aladdin video, yet people still believe this. Though to be fair, knowing that would require one to sit through that disastrous video.

0:52 - 1:29: The first myth of the show, rubbing two sticks together to create fire. The real MythBusters did this in episode 45 “Shredded Plane”, which oddly enough aired the same day when this video was uploaded (January 18th 2006). Myth was confirmed through the use of a drill and gunpowder.

Adam brings up that it’s almost Thanksgiving… okay maybe the video was recorded in November, I won’t fault him for getting the timing off here.

Adam wants to do three myths related to the holiday, starting with “rubbing sticks”. Jamie believes using steel would work, but Adam disagrees.

Two things you’ll immediately notice. The acting is appalling, both of them sound completely bored out of their minds. Brad looks like he’s about to fall asleep.

The other thing is the editing, it’s a nightmare. At one point, we get a wide-shot of the two with Bores speaking, and then it cuts to a close-up of him finishing his line. Did they not have a good take of him finishing the line that they had to do that extremely sloppy cut?

1:30 - 2:34: Adam attempts his experiment by literally rubbing two sticks together without a third source of energy. You need another energy source to allow the fire to stay there, by just rubbing the sticks together you get nothing.

Jamie starts speaking and you’ll notice yet another problem, the sound quality is awful. I can barely hear him over the goddamn banjo music!

You’ll also notice the narrator is played by Bores, doing a piss-poor job at it.

Adam keeps rubbing the sticks not realizing that the task is futile. The narrator exclaims he’s been going at it for an hour, which Adam repeats 5 seconds later. Keep in mind, there was intended effort put into this.

“Finally after a tireless effort, he finally throws in the towel”. Repetition is fun!

I’m kind of surprised he didn’t add a fake explosion, maybe this was before Bores believed in “explosions = comedy”.

2:35 - 4:27: “I look like an ass trying to one-up you” … Way too easy.

Adam wonders where the myth originated and Jamie thinks he has the answer from an old boy scout manual.

Jamie then explains his method of starting a fire with friction. At this point, one will realize the biggest problem with this video. IT’S! NOT! A! PARODY!

A parody exaggerates certain aspects for comedy, for a MythBusters parody one would make fun of the overuse of explosions, or in Robot Chicken’s case, turn them into Ghostbusters using their Proton Packs on myths.

However, nothing about this is exaggerated for comedy. Everything is taken seriously and they’re trying to apply actual science to the “myths”. If anything, this is a direct copy rather than an affectionate spoof. I hate to bring up the old “Chris Bores is an unoriginal hack” remark, but it really shines through here.

At one point, Jamie insults Adam and he yells “I heard that!” from off-screen. I have a feeling Bores isn’t too proud of these videos, it makes him look like an idiot and he can’t have his “perfect image” tainted.

Jamie continues building whatever it is he’s doing, honestly there’s nothing here to make fun of. When he finishes up, Adam shows up to “goof off”, takes two sticks and pretends to drum Jamie’s head. Look, I know Adam is kind of nutso on the show, but he’s not an idiot. Bores is portraying him as an annoying moron. Is this supposed to be the parody aspect? Because it’s not funny!

4:28 - 5:16: Jamie tests outs his contraption, and surprisingly he’s able to get smoke. However, he wasn’t able to get fire. Why is Bores making the narrator sound really derpy?

5:17 - 5:27: Adam wonders what Jamie’s next idea is, he responds he can make it happen with “flint and steel”. Adam proceeds to mock him. Wow, that’s mature. I’d ask if Bores has ever seen the show, but then I remembered the intro footage. This is so lame.

5:28 - 6:29: Jamie gets the flint & steel to work, even though it’s not “rubbing two sticks together”. Adam hits the burning pieces with a stick because he “can’t resist playing with fire”. That looks less like playing and more like “Oh crap fire! I need to put it out now!” Jamie then calls Adam a bed-wetter. Was that meant to be a joke?

6:30 - 6:57: The duo discuss if the myth is busted, Adam claims it’s “half-busted” but then they settle on outright Busted. Well, you could always declare it Plausible, that is one of their options. Just saying…

6:58 - 7:31: The second myth “Will eating turkey make you tired?” Well, turkey does contain L-tryptophan, an amino acid that can induce sleep. But when it comes to Thanksgiving there’s multiple aspects involved in making people sleepy. Mostly over-eating and booze.

Their plan of action is to buy a big turkey, Jamie will eat a moderate amount and Adam will gorge himself.

Adam: You know I like to gorge myself.

Jamie: Yeah, we all know that by your figure.

Heh, the video itself is making fun of Bores for me.

7:32 - 7:56: We cut to sped-up footage of a road as they “search” for a turkey. “Luckily a grocery store was open” Luckily? Either grocery stores are a luxury in Ohio or this is more of Chris’ shitty writing. How much you want to bet they didn’t ask permission to film in the grocery store?

7:57 - 8:25: We then cut to a woman that seems to be stuck in a slideshow, the narrator claims she’s the “resident folklorist”. Her name is Ruthie B. Hayes. GET IT?! LIKE RUTHERFORD B. HAYES?!

I’d tell you what she says but I can barely hear her. More of that wretched sound mixing. Also she keeps jump-cutting all over the place. Remember that before Bores created the Irate Gamer, he was a professional video editor for weddings and other events. I have a feeling these people were ripped off.

8:26 - 9:32: They take the turkeys out of the oven and we watch them eat, and eat, and eat. Does Epic Meal Time have a new video up? Bacon strips bacon strips bacon strips bacon strips bacon strips bacon strips oh hey I’ve lost my mind.

9:33 - 10:38: Adam stops stuffing his face and the duo proceed to phase two, digesting the turkey. So we watch them sit, and sit, and sit, and DAMN IT!

We get a brief reprieve with Jamie saying he’s getting sleepy, and then we watch them sit some more. Folks, go to YouTube and search for clips of the real MythBusters. I can guarantee it’s far more exciting than this shit!

Near the end, Adam “pranks” Jamie by tickling his nose while he sleeps. *sighs* Even his pranks are lame! Draw a dick on his face, pour water on his pants, shave part of his beard, do something that can actually be called a prank.

10:39 - 11:00: We cut to the duo discussing if the myth is confirmed, they both got tired so they decided it’s Plausible. Wait, so they do know about the Plausible ranking? Then why didn’t they use it for the “rubbing two sticks” myth? At least I know there’s only one myth left in this damn video.

11:01 - 11:49: The third myth “Will playing a didgeridoo in front of a plant cause it to bend over?” I’ve never heard this one, they claim they found it off the internet. What does this have to do with Thanksgiving?

They go over the plan, play other sounds before using the didgeridoo.

11:50 - 13:44: Their first test is to play bass guitar, this sure is exciting.

When their setting up, Adam pretends to rock out and then pretends to strangle himself with the cord, asking for help. Jamie nonchalantly says “I’m not helping him”. I can see where he’s coming from.

Jamie then plays various chords, none of which cause the plant to move. Meanwhile I’m trying to stay awake through this dull-fest.

13:45 - 14:52: After seeing the bass guitar failed, they immediately move on to the didgeridoo. What about the other instruments? Are you just giving up?

They start working on making their own didgeridoo. Wouldn’t it be cheaper just to buy your own? I looked online and they range from $25-$30 dollars. That’s a really good deal for an instrument.

After a commercial for Foster’s Beer (to reference what a didgeridoo sounds like) we see Adam and Jamie fight with the PVC pipes, ending with Jamie hitting Adam and saying “I like seeing Adam get hurt.” Another thing we agree on!

14:53 - 15:20: We then get a montage of the duo creating their instruments, a montage that makes the two of them look really incompetent with tools.

15:21 - 16:34: We see their final product, and you can clearly tell they just bought them.

“Blue Man Group eat your heart out!” God damn it Bores…

Jamie’s instrument is in the key of D, he tests his out and it works. Adam’s instrument is in the key of A, he tests his and he suuucks. He concludes that it’s broken only for Jamie to do it correctly. You know, the real Adam Savage wasn’t this rock stupid.

“The only thing that can lift his spirits is a rousing tribal dance” What? Oh no no NO! *sees Bores dancing* Stop just stop you’re embarrassing everyone! Jeez…

16:35 - 17:28: After a long sequence of nothing, we finally see the test. Both didgeridoos have no effect on the plant. Well that was a waste of time!

The video ends with the two of them declaring the myth Busted. I had a feeling it would.

Then we get credits stolen right from the real show. I refuse to buy that all these people worked on this rinky-dink production, just more of Chris’ unoriginality.

Holy crap, this was atrocious!

Bored actors, sound mixing where you could BARELY hear what people were saying, sloppy editing, and it was BORING!

The only good part was Brad insulting Bores, even if they were “in-character”. These days Bores would never make fun of himself.

As for the second video, I’ll wait a bit before getting to it. I want to see if Bores releases something new… ever.

Redux Recap: Mario & Sonic Award IG the Gold in Stupidity

2011-05-02T11:36:00.004-05:00

Going through the older videos again, I noticed that the first few Neo videos weren’t as astonishingly bad as his regular videos. That all changed with today’s subject, an abysmal video that gets so much wrong and continues to be an example of why Chris Bores is a hack. IG “reviews” Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games.

Before he released that video, there was a short “update” involving his Top 10 Summer Movies list. It’s nothing important.

Onto the idiocy!

0:19 - 0:40: “Back in the early 1990’s, Sega released a gaming console called the Sega Genesis…” Repetitive, but not the worst part.

“… to compete with Nintendo’s gaming console called the Super Nintendo” and this is where it all goes wrong!

This is the one line that proves he has no clue what he’s talking about. For those that don’t know, the Genesis was not released to compete with the SNES, it was released to compete with the NES!

Exhibit A: Genesis Does What Nintendon’t!

This was the aggressive marketing slogan Sega used when the Genesis was released in North America, and by “Nintendo” it’s referring to the NES not “Nintendo in general” (an actual defense I’ve witnessed). Back then the NES was the only Nintendo console, so people referred to it as the Nintendo. We only adopted “NES” when more consoles came out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7nsBoqJ6s8 Commercial

Exhibit B: Release dates

The Genesis/Mega Drive was released before the Super Nintendo EVERYWHERE!

Japan: Mega Drive came out in 1988, Super Famicom came out in 1990

North America: Genesis came out in 1989, Super Nintendo came out in 1991

Europe: Mega Drive came out in 1990, Super Nintendo came out 1992

That’s not getting into regions that only got the Mega Drive but never got the Super Nintendo.

The worst part is that someone in the comments pointed out this error, even though he credited Wikipedia (but remember, Wikipedia can be correct about simple facts). Bores’ response was stunningly stupid. Thankfully, I was able to screencap it before he disabled comments.

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b275/BatDan/Whatamoron.jpg

When IG announced his “History of Video Games” series, this scene was the first thing I thought of. Makes me wonder what will happens if he ever reaches 1989, which at his pace will be *takes out calculator* Oh yes, NEVER!

He continues his “history lesson” bringing up how Nintendo had Mario and Sega had Sonic. Let’s just completely ignore Alex Kidd, it’s not like he was Sega’s big mascot at one point and Sega dumped him when they learned a blue rodent with attitude was more appealing.

“To unite both of them into a single game was unthinkable” In the 90s, but when Sega dropped out of the console business and started publishing Sonic games on Gamecube then an eventual crossover didn’t seem farfetched.

0:41 - 1:00: “Mario vs. Sonic at the Olympic Games” Hang on, I don’t see a “vs.” in that title, but I do see an ampersand. The title is “Mario & Sonic” not “Mario vs. Sonic”. But who needs literacy anyway?

IG remarks that this should have been the “most epic event to ever happen” but after playing it he calls it “the biggest piece of shit I ever played” I thought that was MUSCLE? By the way the game isn’t that bad, it’s flawed but it’s good fun. The title itself says “Olympic Games”, were you expecting something like Super Smash Bros?

He also admits he only played for five minutes before turning it off. Either he admitted he barely played the game, or that was an attempt at a joke. It’s still bad form though.

1:01 - 1:18: While gushing over the intro (cutscenes aren’t important!) he says this “You probably think that you probably just purchased a great game”. Holy shit! So much redundancy! Also, judging the game based on the opening cutscene is really idiotic. That’s why I get kind of annoyed when a trailer doesn’t have gameplay footage.

“Don’t be fooled, graphics alone can’t carry this game” … No shit! You just figured this out? Gameplay and controls > Graphics

He calls the game a “travesty” and complains about Nintendo releasing it for $50 dollars. Technically Sega published the game in North America, Nintendo only published it in Japan. Also, it’s a high-end AAA Wii game, of course it’s going to cost $50 dollars!

1:19 - 1:40: IG claims his biggest problem is with the controls, complaining that you have to do a different action for each event. Oh and this is the first video he calls it the “Wii Joystick”.

Folks, this is the Atari 2600 controller. It has one button and a large joystick in the middle.

http://gaminggoodies.info/images/atari2600joystick.jpg

This is the Wii Remote. It has six buttons for gameplay, a D-pad, a Power button to turn the Wii on, a Home button to bring you back to the menu, and a motion sensor inside that you activate by pointing it at the TV like a “remote”, plus some other stuff that isn’t too important.

http://www.wiiremote.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/Wii-Remote1.jpg

Where the hell do you see a “Joystick” in that?

Also, complaining that a Wii game is making you use the motion controls? I’d accept that if he said the controls were unresponsive or something, but he doesn’t do that! He just complains that you have to move the Wii Remote around and nothing else.

“Whatever happened to just picking up a controller and playing a game?” … WHAT?!!

Chris, the entire point of the Wii is to attract customers that normally wouldn’t play a video game. The motion controls were created for people that thought “pressing buttons” was too complicated. If anything, games like Wii Sports and Mario & Sonic are easier to pick-up and play for non-gamers. I’m starting to wonder how much of this is the game’s fault.

This is definitely up there with one of the dumbest things you’ve ever said.

1:41 - 1:54: He remarks how each event becomes more confusing and “fustrating” (ugh) and lists off how “everything sucks”. You know, it would be nice to explain why these events suck. You can’t just say “it sucks” and move on, tell us why the swimming sucks or the fencing sucks. Is it the controls? Is it too hard? Tell us!

Too bad, we aren’t getting that! Instead we get a dumb joke of IG apologizing to Yoshi getting last place, saying it’s not his fault. You’re right, it’s not Yoshi’s fault. It’s yours! You were the one controlling him.

1:54 - 2:09: IG sums up the game like this “The entire game consists of picking your event, picking your character, being announced to the audience, performing your event three times, then see how you rank” then doesn’t see how it’s fun and calls it boring.

Red Dead Redemption sucks! All you do is get on your horse, go to a mission, get back on your horse, go do the mission, and get your reward. It sure is boring!

Legend of Zelda: Link to the Past sucks! All you do is roam around the world, fight enemies, collect items, and solve puzzles. How is this fun?

Chris, every game can be “boring” if you describe it the way you did.

2:10 - 2:25: He then says nothing “cool or exciting” happens. What did you want to happen? Tell us!

He starts complaining that if you lose as Bowser, you don’t get to go into the audience and kill spectators. … Wow, that just happened.

It’s a kid’s game, there won’t be any brutal massacres caused by a character losing. They don’t want to give it an M-Rating. I can imagine IG playing Mario Golf or Tennis and complaining that Bowser doesn’t get to kill spectators.

He then brings up how he was sitting there “waiting” for something happen. The footage shows him playing Ping-Pong, that looks like “something happening”. What are you going on about?

2:26 - 2:49: He then brings up that he did enjoy the Trampoline event where press buttons while in the air. So the only event he liked was the one that required pressing buttons. I’m convinced, he just hates the game because he sucks at it. Looking at the footage, he kept getting last place, and instead of admitting he sucks he blames the controls.

“Too bad they couldn’t implement any good ideas into the rest of the game” I imagine if the rest of the game was button mashing, it wouldn’t be like the Trampoline event, it would be like other Olympic games where you slammed the button until you broke the controller. Kind of like Track & Field.

2:50 - 3:05: “Now I’m going to cut this review kind of short…” It’s about the same length as all your other Neo videos, what makes this one any different?

He continues complaining that it’s awful, that’s it’s a waste of time, and not “crazy” like a “real Mario vs. Sonic game should be”. That’s because this isn’t “Mario vs. Sonic”, nowhere in the title does it say “vs.”! Get that through your head! What do you want from a “Mario vs. Sonic” game?

The video ends with IG saying if you really want to pit Mario & Sonic against each other, wait for Brawl. *checks video date* April 26th, and Brawl came out in North America March 9th. Oops!

Okay he probably uploaded this video to GottGame before that, but I have no idea when that was because the new site reuploaded his videos at the same time. So maybe it was before Brawl came out, I don’t know. At least include an annotation saying when the video was originally uploaded.

By the way, you seriously couldn’t find the actual Brawl boxart so you had to use a fake? That’s just lazy.

He once again calls the game “boring and fustrating” FRUSTRATING! There’s an “R” in there! Say it right damn it!

The camera cuts to him and he throws the game, ending the video. No sound effect? Come on at least give us a Wilhelm!

That was awful! The first truly BAD IG Neo video and it definitely won’t be the last. Research failure, annoying nitpicking, and blaming the game for his own ineptitude. It’s all there.

Next Redux is R.O.B. Part 1... Oh dear.

Maybe Bores will actually release something new? It's only been seven months since the last actual retro review.

As for the "Chris Bores Day" post I made, it's been deleted. It was really dumb.

Aflac Auditions. What Is This I Don't Even

2011-04-16T10:16:00.000-05:00

In IG’s “YouTube NextUp” contest entry, he said he was planning to make skits with his “brilliant“ characters (Ronnie, Devil Bores, Cousin Joey). I predicted that nothing good will come of this.

With his newest video… I was right. Again. We get to watch his various characters audition for Aflac commercials.

For those unaware, Aflac is an insurance company specializing in physical and medical policies (Accidents, Dental, Cancer, Life). Their commercials consisted of people worried about their mortality or job, wondering if someone can help. That’s when a duck shows up and shouts “AFLAC!”

The duck was voiced by comedian Gilbert Gottfried, but was fired after offensive comments about the earthquakes in Japan. Aflac announced they would be accepting applications for a new voice from March 23rd - April 1st. *looks at date of video* Oops.

Well, I’m going to guess that Bores just made this for fun. Well I’m not having fun…

0:01 - 0:32: The video opens with Ronnie and I’ve already given up on this. *sighs* Pull it together Daniel.

The director starts the first take (why yes the director is played by Bores) and Ronnie does his usual gibbering stuff and bumps into the microphone. “Please just read the line please” Please stop being redundant please.

Ronnie reads the line in his same tone of voice and then starts gibbering again. This isn’t funny!

0:33 - 1:17: Next up is Devil Bores, oh for the love of…

Devil Bores is an “actor” asking for his motivation and bragging that he played Macbeth in high school. You’re Satan, you existed before Shakespeare, how the hell could you have… forget it this is just more of Bores’ awful writing.

He reads the line in an overly-raspy tone. I think he was trying to ham it up but only succeeded in boring me.

When the director rejects him, he calls him a motherfucker. Why is it bleeped out? Look Chris, this whole “family-friendly” shit isn’t going to help you.

1:18 - 2:05: Now it’s Shadow Overlord’s turn, ugh this video is dragging.

“I have waited many years for this part” You were waiting for something to happen to Gilbert Gottfried?

Like Ronnie, he reads the line in his normal tone. He threatens to destroy the director if he doesn’t get the job. He reads the line again in the exact same way but instead of destroying the director he leaves. Another unfulfilled promise from Irate Gamer.

2:06 - 2:28: Next audition is AHHHHHHHHHHHH why is wearing overalls?! Jeez, he made Cousin Joey even freakier than before.

Joey wants to see the duck, but the director tells him there is no duck, and he starts arguing that there is. Why did IG create all these characters? There’s nothing good about them.

2:29 - 2:53: Evil Gamer is up, and he wants to do an “Evil Aflac Duck”. Chris, adding evil to the beginning of things ISN’T FUCKING FUNNY! Stop trying to make that his shtick! It didn’t work in “Order Up” and it doesn’t work here!

He continues arguing that he wants to do an evil duck. Wow, IG’s characters are really bratty. Is this part of the joke or something?

2:54 - 3:00: Wilson or Wilkins shows up, but with no fence and a turtleneck over his face. We know that’s you Chris, why do you insist on having this character? But he’s only there for a second before the director says next.

Then Wise Sage shows up, but like “Wilkins” doesn’t get any lines before getting booted. Wow, Chris really does hate that character. In fact, that looks like the same image from his appearance in the Cool Spot video.

Then Tony (the Maplestory sprite) shows up for a second, and we get to see his new look. He’s no longer a Maplestory sprite, but a hand-drawn creation from DatBoiDrew. Damn it Drew, get away from Irate Gamer. You’re better than this! According to the description, we’re going to see more of Tony in the next IG review. NOOOOOOOOO!

Then that goblin from the Monster Party video shows up (you know, the one with the changing accent that Bores told to “Get the fuck off his property”). Are you really that creatively bankrupt that you’ll reuse the Halloween costumes from an old video as “characters”?

3:01 - 3:29: Finally it’s IG’s turn. He says the line and the director likes it. What a surprise, the only audition he liked is Irate Gamer, is there any doubt that he’s a Mary Sue? IG wonders when he’ll get paid, but learns it’s just an audition and doesn‘t have the job. He does his “scowling camera stare” and knocks over the microphone. The director quits.

The video ends with something new. A stinger that links to other videos, his website, and a link to subscribe to his channel. … Weird.

What in the hell was this? Of all the things you could make a video about… and it was so painfully unfunny and… ugggggh.

If Tony is showing up in the next video, I expect pain. Lots and lots of pain.

It's About Damn Time! Bores' 200th Video Brings Up AVGN

2011-04-13T08:11:00.006-05:00

After four years of blocking people and being a general ass, Chris Bores FINALLY acknowledges the existence of the AVGN. Wow I never thought this would happen.

What's the context? Well, the video has Bores talking about his history on YouTube in front of the camera. Around 2:33 he mentions people he watched including PlayItBogart, AVGN, and Armake21 (unsurprisingly he pronounces it wrong). Strange how he mentions Armake considering he made one of the most scathing rants about IG.

As for the rest of the video, it's just Bores being his ego-centric self. Nothing exciting or interesting. He talks about getting recognized, meeting people, YouTube partnership, "evolving" the show and blah blah blah I don't care.

Does this mean I'm going to go easy on him? HAHAHAHAHAHA No. He's still a terrible writer and filmmaker. Once again, ignoring the "plagiarism" accusations there are far bigger problems to deal with. Sorry IG fanboys, I'm not stopping just because he briefly mentions The Nerd.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have better things to do.

The Irate Gamer Game: It's Real!

2011-04-12T08:02:00.004-05:00

At least it wants to be real, given how long it's taken I wouldn't be surprised if it never comes out.

You might be thinking "Come on, nobody would be dumb enough to make an Irate Gamer video game". Sadly there are some truly stupid people in this world.

There was an actual site but it no longer exists, redirecting to this Facebook page:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Irate-Gamer-Game/424852720332

Very little is actually known about the game. It will be a beat-em-up a/la Double Dragon or Final Fight. Well, the "old version" was. Now they want to make it a 3D beat-em-up a/la Castle Crashers. Isn't that cute, they think can match Double Dragon or Castle Crashers level of quality.

The game has gone through three different art styles. The first made IG look like Carl Fredrickson from Up, but Bores hated it. The second was similar, with IG having a permanent grimace. Even in drawings he looks constipated. The third and current art-style is more realistic but looks really ugly.

In January 2010 (when the page was made) they announced the game would be out in the Spring for Xbox Live and PC. Considering all they had amounted to concept art, I didn't see this happening. I was right. The Facebook stopped updating in April 2010, presumably the project was abandoned.

That is until January 2011. The Facebook page updated after nine months of silence, announcing a mid-2011 release for Xbox Live, PC, iOS, and Android.

I have no idea what the game's story is, they don't tell us. But going by the concept art, IG uses two guns attached to his thighs to fight tall robots and fat robots, apparently these robots are the Evil Gamer's minions. The game's big bad is... Doctor Doom? I'm just going by the pictures.

Once again, we have no footage or in-game screenshots, just concept art. The last update was March 8th, reminding people that they're giving a DSi XL. Wow good strategy, give away a DSi in the same window of time as the 3DS' launch!

I don't see this game ever coming out. For all I know these guys could just be scamming Bores out of his money and constantly delaying the game because it doesn't really exist. Even if it does get released, I don't see it being popular. On XBL, it'd have to compete with all the Indie titles. On iOS, good luck fending off Angry Birds or whatever the next fad will be. On PC, it'd be easier to release it for free!

So there you have it, there really is an IG game in the works. Maybe it'll come out by the time Bores covers the Dreamcast in his History of Video Games series.

2011 Summer Movies. Oh Good, More Trailer Praise

2011-04-05T09:01:00.003-05:00

Here we go again. Time to hear Bores gush about movies that aren't out yet. I hope you like hearing “It looks awesome from the trailer”.

Before we start, let’s tally last year’s list with the majority consensus.

10. Inception: Confusing but good fun.
9. The A-Team: Forgettable action from a memorable show.
8. Toy Story 3: One of the best films of the year
7. Grown Ups: Remember when Adam Sandler was funny? Yeah, hard to believe.
6. Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time: The best video game movie ever, but that’s not saying much.
5. Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps: Why did this need a sequel?
4. Tron: Legacy: Major love it or hate it
3. The Last Airbender: I’d call it a train wreck but that would insulting train wrecks.
2. The Sorcerer’s Apprentice: Nicholas Cage needs to stop doing Disney movies.
1. Iron Man 2: Not as good as the first but still a lot of fun.

Alright, enough stalling. Let’s get through this.

The video begins with Bores in front of his green screen telling us he’ll be counting down by release date. Considering his habit of ranking awful movies highly because “the trailer looked awesome” I can understand why he’s doing this.

10. Thor (why is talking like he just smoked a carton of Marlboros? Is he trying to sound badass?)
Looks like Bores is done using static images and is now showing trailer footage. Effort? Maybe.
“Before I watched the trailer, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see this movie or not. But after seeing the trailer, it’s pretty much ultimately changed my mind.” So the trailer set out to accomplish what a trailer does, make people want to see the movie. Good God that was a badly written line.

At least he didn’t say “I never read any of the Thor comics”.

9. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
He said he enjoyed the first movie but the two sequels left him confused. The sequels weren’t confusing. Overblown, ridden with plotholes, poorly-written and developed? Sure. But not confusing.
Blah blah movie looks good from trailers.
“Ponce de Leon eat your heart out matey”. Don’t compare a fictional adventure to something that happened in real life.

8. The Hangover: Part II

He hopes it doesn’t fall into sequelitis. Next!

7. X-Men: First Class
He remarks on all the negative reception but still thinks it looks cool from the movie trailer. You know what else looked cool from the trailer? Attack of the Clones. What did it have? Clunky dialogue, bad characterization, boring action scenes, and a painfully forced attempt at making Darth Vader a sympathetic character. Again Chris, don’t judge everything on the trailer. People are skeptical because X-Men 3 and Wolverine suuuuuucked.
He also brings up that he read the Legion Quest storyline and is excited to see how the movie handles it. Legion Quest had nothing to do with how Xavier and Lehnsharr met. In fact, everything I read about First Class says nothing about Xavier’s son.

6. Super 8
Blah blah not much known blah blah attempts to explain the plot blah blah trailer looks cool blah blah big names attached.

And that’s where the video ends. Bores needs money so he split the list in two. And you were doing so well last year with only one video.

After reminding us he’s counting down by release date, because he thinks we’re idiots, he continues the list.

5. Green Lantern
He brings up the negative reception towards the first trailer but then gushes over the second one. I like how he avoids giving his thoughts on the first trailer with the obviously unfinished effects.
“Expect a lot of CGI scenes” Noooooooo really? I thought all of those scenes were stop-motion.

At least he got Sinestro’s name right.

4. Transformers: Dark of the Moon (or as he calls it, Transformers 3)
He’s aware that Bayformers are bad but because it’s Transformers he has to see it. No you don’t! You can choose not to see it. It’s not like you still do movie reviews.
He’s hoping since Michael Bay admitted Revenge of the Fallen was bad that this will be an improvement. No, it won’t. It’s Michael Bay, he’s been making the same movie for years. It’s going to be loud, it’s going to be annoying, it’s going to be racist, and it’s going to suck.

3. Captain America: The First Avenger
“Trailer made it look awesome” Yes Chris, that’s what a trailer does. You get a gold star.
“A Super Soldier from the 1940’s being created to stop bad guys?” Woooow, he completely ignored the biggest aspects of Cap’s origin. It was during World War II and they’re fighting Nazis. Not “a hero in the 40’s fighting bad guys”. Just… ugh.
“Now I know nothing about Captain America’s origin story” Oh well that explains it. Still it wouldn’t have hurt to do a little research. Oh wait, you’re Chris Bores. You don't do research.

2. The Smurfs
He acknowledges the viewers confusion but says Smurfs were a part of his childhood so he’s curious how this works out. He says the CGI looks decent (no it doesn’t) but is leery of the NYC setting and the voice actors (specifically Katy Perry and George Lopez) because the voices from the 80’s series were “iconic”. He hopes a good script will save it. The footage shows Smurfette imitating Marilyn Monroe. Nothing about this will be good.

1. Cowboys & Aliens (at least he knows what an ampersand is and didn’t call it Cowboys vs. Aliens)
He knows it’s corny but it has a lot of big names and the trailer looks awesome *headdesk* Sorry I needed a jolt, the blandness was knocking me out.
By the way Chris, her name is Olivia Wilde. Not “the chick from House”. You couldn’t even say Thirteen, her character’s name? Whatever the list is done.

Bores closes out saying if he has time he’ll review some of the movies (considering you only reviewed two movies last year, I don’t see this happening).
“Cut, print, that’s a wrap” That’s still a lame catchphrase.
Then a CGI rendering of a clapboard. Seriously what’s with all the CGI in his videos lately? It’s really off-putting.

This was predictable as hell. I knew he would put all the comic book adaptations on there. Hell, I somehow predicated the Smurfs and that was as a joke. Now I feel sad.

I need to go cheer myself up.

April Fool's Insanity. Lots of Stuff.

2011-04-01T08:38:00.004-05:00

Wow, lots of stuff to say today.

First thing, Linkara has done a great parody of the Irate Gamer for his April Fool's Triple Feature. Watch it! (Also thanks for the plug)
Blog link: http://atopfourthwall.blogspot.com/2011/04/triple-feature.html
Blip link: http://at4w.blip.tv/file/4937321/

Now, where did Guru Larry's parody go? According to Joe, the video wasn't screened with the higher-ups, and the overly-negative reception lead to people blaming the entirety of Channel Awesome instead of just one guy. They still found it funny though.
See here: http://www.blisteredthumbs.net/forum/user-editorials-top-lists/blistered-thumbs-should-own-up-to-its-stupidity/
The video can still be seen here: http://gurularry.blip.tv/file/4954935/

I made a mistake. I believed that LadyBuggin777 really was Chris Bores' mother. I was wrong. After seeing some recent comments I'm inclined to believe it's just a blithering troll. This also means that Eric Allen lied to me and I have lost some respect for the Wise Sage. Then again, she made a similar comment on Bores' old Geocities page (long before the Irate Gamer) so I'm not sure what to believe.

Oh yeah, there's IG's new video. His entry to the "YouTube NextUp Contest". In this contest, the winner gets $35,000 in funding and a spot at the four-day "YouTube Creator Camp". Is that a joke?
However, only YouTube Partners may enter. Screw you regular users!

The video has Bores blabber on about how great History of Video Games is, how he spends a lot of money on old consoles and music (wait what? It's Digital Juice! All you did was pay for the program!) Honestly what is his obsession with talking about the music in the series? It's not special.
He also said he wants to make it look professional, as in something you'd see on the Discovery Channel or History Channel. But it doesn't have enough "End of the World" prophecies.
And to get across his combination of "History, reviews and comedy" he uses the "Simon Says Penis?" joke. Even if you get past the voting, I doubt this will win over the judges.

Moving from History, he says he "rebooted" the regular Irate Gamer show. Adding "complex and thought-out" storylines and multiple characters. He even announces that he's planning spin-off skits for these characters.
... Guys, I want you to imagine an entire skit with just Ronnie the Skeleton or just Devil Bores. You hear that cracking sound? That's your brain snapping from the expected atrocity this will become.

In the description, IG says there's an NES review coming soon and that the story gets "complicated". The last time he advertised something as hard-to-follow, we got a lame parody of Sliding Doors. If his idea of "complicated" is having Ronnie stay or go, then we're in trouble.

Whew. Have a wonderful April Fool's Day everyone. Don't get punked too badly.

Irate Gamer Joins Channel Awesome?!

2011-03-30T21:10:00.005-05:00

http://www.blisteredthumbs.net/2011/03/irategamerintro/ (EDIT: Scroll down)

Wait what? Blistered Thumbs now hosting the Irate Gamer?! This can't be right! What has happened to this site? Robble robble greedy shitheads only care abou-

*looks at calendar*
Oh that's right. It's almost April 1st.

Don't worry I knew it was a joke the entire time. Guru Larry decided to troll the site for April Fool's Day and with One176's help made that short video. Yeah I know it's early buuuut it's March 31st in the UK and the 31st is still an acceptable day for April Fool's jokes.

As an IG parody it's a great one. The jump-cuts, the stuttering, the repetition, it's all spot-on. Though I can't imagine a lot of people getting fooled by it. Ah well, still a great joke.

EDIT: Though, instead of Scott Pilgrim music I would have used a stock, public-domain track. That's what he does all the time.

So Zeldara, when will we see that crossover? Maybe with your help he'll finally get to that X-Men comics review he promised back in 2008 (see 1:53 here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USwkfhf9UII).

EDIT: Looks like BT took the video down. Thankfully Larry still has it up on Blip. http://gurularry.blip.tv/file/4954935/
I kind of wonder why they took it down.

Ralph Baer Responds. No Chris, He Didn't Like It

2011-03-26T16:33:00.007-05:00

I know I just uploaded something yesterday but I feel this needs a post.

Back in October 2009, IG uploaded the 2nd part of his History of Video Games series, covering the Magnavox Odyssey. It was full of inaccurate information and needless references. Annoyed by this, vicviper592 sent Ralph Baer an e-mail showing him the video. Baer responded saying "it's full of inaccurate information".You can see that e-mail here: http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2009/10/ralph-baer-has-seen-odyssey-video.html

A day after I put up that post, Bores wrote on his site that Ralph Baer responded to him. Chris claimed he was honored and that Baer "didn't understand it". Outright insulting the pioneer.
http://www.theirategamer.com/news.htm Read under "10-18-09".

Time passes. The other day Bores uploaded that "Making-Of" documentary going on about how much research and work went into it and how he received e-mails from college professors. That last line was the final straw. I myself sent Ralph Baer an e-mail, asking for his detailed thoughts on the Odyssey video.

Here's a screen-cap of his response.

So with a little prodding from me and the knowledge that Bores insulted him, Mr. Baer wrote a response to the videos. I'll post what was said here. I'll also remind you that I did not edit any of this. This is all Ralph Baer's words.

Comments re. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgAbLUTb0Lg
and at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnocN1dE5QQ

re. "Ralph Baer spent a few years building a prototype of his idea"
Fact: I had the idea on 3/31/66 and wrote a 4-page paper describing the whole scene on 4/1/66. A year and a half of part-time work with Bill Harrison, a technician and a few months of assistance by Bill Rusch, an MIT graduate engineer, and the Brown Box played ping-pong, volley ball, handball, light gun games, etc. All of the documents generated (several thousand) during that period starting with the 4-page document can be found by anyone at http://invention.smithsonian.org/resources/fa_baer_index.aspx, the Lemelson Center at the Smithsonian's website.

re. Magnavox..."they also filed patents on his technology"...Wrong: Sanders Associates filed all videogame patents for the simple reason that I worked there (I was a division manager there with some 600 engineers, techs and support people in my division, none of whom worked on anything whatsoever that had to do with videogames. All patent applications, prosecutions etc. were funded by Sanders and worked on by Baer and by members of Sanders' patent department.

......"any company going into the videogame business had to pay royalties to Magnavox..." Wrong: The lawsuits were not about "videogames" in general but about games that contained game action in which machine-controlled symbols on-screen interacted with manually-controlled symbols (like the ball and the paddles in a ping-pong game)....in the early and mid-seventies, virtually all home and arcade games had that game action and were subject to license and were subject to being sued if they didn't take a license.

...Magnavox began producing the Odyssey...and as you can see, the console is very crude in design"....says who? It's actually very nice looking and a typical 1970's design.

At 01.56...the swearing begins...for no good reason...and his criticism of the cables and the RF antenna switch box (which had to meet FCC interference specs) is all just so much ranting and raving. What he completely ignores (or just doesn't know because he is too young) is that the only way for a videogame signal to enter a current TV set was through the antenna terminals...there were no video or cable connections on 1970 and 1980 TV sets.....a situation which I complained about as early as 1972 when I told Magnavox that if they made access via an RCA jack to the first video amplifier in their TV set. I could give them a whole new set of novel products to plug in there....but they didn't want to add 5 cents to their product cost.

At 03:04 he says: "When a card is plugged into the Odyssey card it actually creates new command codes..." What command codes ?...there is no microprocessor involved....micrprocessors didn't appear on the scene until many years later. What the cards actually do is to interconnect various logic circuits inside the Odyssey in different ways so as to produce different games. He shows a large circuit board in the background that is full of logic IC's. That board may represent what was in the mid-seventies arcade games ( like a hundred dollar's worth of IC's) but it has nothing to do with what is in an Odyssey, namely about 40 transistors, 20-odd diodes and a lot of resistors and capacitors, typical of the components in then-current TV sets, so that a TV manufacturer could handle the product on existing production lines.

At 03:44 he completely ignores the use of the English control which determines the ball's vertical trajectory. Without the use of that control, there is no game. He also ignores the fact that there is a Speed control at the back of the unit so that both novice and experienced players can have challenging games.....this business of "falling off the end of the screen" is total nonsense...he just didn't bother to read to Instruction Book or to explore what that third (concentric) English knob is for at the left side of the hand-controller.

At 04:08 he laments the lack of scoring....that was just not practical for a consumer product at the time. besides, we all have played ping-pong and other ball games since time immemorial by shouting out the score as we went
along.....so who needed on-screen scores?

At 04:27 he runs into some glitches and doesn't realize that he has an ancient device that undoubtedly has badly corroded contact fingers on the card and the connector in the Odyssey...a typical Odyssey problem. He doesn't seem to know that all connectors in old equipment are subject to this problem and that it can often be resolved by running an eraser over the contacts to get rid of the accumulated oxidation.

At 04:42 he starts ranting about "you can do anything you want....". Since when does anyone play tennis or ping-pong or handball etc. without agreed-upon game rules beforehand. You just don't move into your opponents field (over the net), etc...this is really dumb stuff...

Around 05:14 he shows "HAL" on-screen. He apparently uses one of the white spots of a chase game, covers the screen with a black overlay and inserts a red glassine window to color the spot...very creative, but irrelevant to a discussion of the Odyssey game.

At 05:39 he starts to make silly remarks about the overlays that were optional for most games but actually lent a lot of color and relevance to such games as the light-gun (shooting) games and others intended for small children.

Re. his description of all of the rest of the accessories (cards, chips, play money, etc.) he is basically correct. I doubt whether many people actually played with those things )ping-pong being the universal game played by everybody..it needs no overlay). Thhe packaging of these items with the Odyssey game just reflected Magmavox' management doubt about the validity of honest-to-goodness on-screen games.

Why he feels it necessary to swear is beyond me.

He then berates the simple games addressed at preschoolers....enough said.

This guy has obvious talents...he knows how to put a good-looking video presentation on-screen. Now if he had just done it without the unnecessary vulgarity, stopped making faces and got some of his "facts" straight, this would be a presentation with a lot of interesting historical information, presented in a fun way.

Ralph H. Baer
3/26/11

There we go Chris. Facts from the man himself. Many of which could be found through proper research.
This also goes back to the fact that Mr. Baer did not like Chris' video, despite what he claims.
I would like to see Bores try and talk his way out of this one.

A Historically Bad "Making-Of" or "Interview"

2011-03-25T08:37:00.004-05:00

Do you remember that “Making-Of” clip that Bores included on his first DVD? The one where he pretends he’s being interviewed, stroking his own ego on how difficult it is working on the show, and going through the “intense” process of moving 5 boxes and playing short games. He did it again!

This time for the History of Video Games. Brace yourselves, this will hurt.

In the description he says this “documentary” will be a part of the History of Video Games DVD coming later this year. I’ll get into that after I finish the video, but I find it funny how he basically destroyed all incentive to buy the DVD. Other than bloopers, I don’t see what else he could include.

I find it funny how he still calls this video a “review”. It almost feels like his video titles are automated considering “review” isn’t capitalized.

0:08 - 0:47: The faux-interview starts with Bores saying the idea has been in his head for a while. Sure it was.
Then says the idea took off when he bought a bunch of books on video games, including one that tells of the history. Can you show us what book this is? Nope, instead he shows a CGI background with a CGI book opening up. Obviously he can’t tell us what book it is, otherwise people would find it and call him out on lying.
“I read the book, cover-to-cover, in a short period of time” You can read?
We then get a pointless clip of him saying “Holy crap”.

0:48 - 1:43: Bores rattles on saying the early days were like the “wild west”. Not even one minute in and my brain is hurting. That’s a really dumb comparison.
Then he says the one thing that bothered him was the lack of “visual representation”, he wanted to see the games. Well, you’re not going to get that in a book. It’s a book! It’s not like there were visual documentaries already made that you blatantly stole footage from and we have evidence that you did. I’m not letting that go.
Oh my God are you still talking about the visuals? We get it! Most of the shit you talk about in the series doesn’t even matter in the long-run.
Then another pointless clip from his show.

1:44 - 2:27: He gets on the subject of “creating the show” and how it’s like an artist with a blank canvas. … That just happened.
To everyone that still thinks the Irate Gamer is a troll, listen to how he delivers that line. He’s 100% serious about this shit. Yet nobody that knows him has the guts to tell him that what he’s doing is a bad idea!
He says that he settled on “a documentary style with reviews and ‘Irate Gamer comedy’ thrown in”. Someone tell him this is horrid! Oh man, his ego radiates pain.

2:28 - 2:54: He talks about the “script-writing” process (what the hell is with this CGI?), how it started with reviews of Space War and Computer Space and then filling in the gaps with “huge blocks of history”. You told us nothing! Except for crap you read off Wikipedia! All I remember about the first episode was “the scream”, the Captain Kirk joke, “Computer Space: Bob Uecker”, and the Devil Bores. Your attempt at informing us has failed because all I remember are the retarded jokes! Gah!

2:55 - 4:29: He then moves onto three possible points he could have started at. The first point (again with the unnecessary CGI) was pinball but he felt it was too broad. He wanted to focus on the smaller aspects. No wonder your pacing is unnaturally slow, no wait that still doesn’t make sense.
The second point was Tennis for Two (no he doesn’t actually say the name) created by “a guy in the military”. … The fuck is wrong with you? William Higinbotham! It isn’t that hard! Names! They’re important! Then again, this is the same moron that got Al Alcorn’s name wrong and thinks Steve Jobs created Breakout.
However, he felt it wasn’t important enough to cover. Translation: He couldn’t find a way to review it and make unfunny jokes.

He chose to start with Space War because it “started” the industry due to Nolan Bushnell playing it, creating Computer Space, seeing the Odyssey (wait, I thought you said him seeing the Odyssey was an urban legend? Admitting you were finally wrong about something Chris?) and creating Pong. Which lead to “the races”. Ugh…

4:30 - 5:18: He then starts talking about the musical score. Wait musical score? You mean that background noise that’s drowned out by Bores’ monotonous voice?
He claims putting the music in was a “time-consuming process” because he wanted to find the right emotions at the time. As an example shows Death Race set to some sort of “horror” tune that he obviously got off Digital Juice.
He goes on about how important mood is and blah blah blah what a load! Oh yeah, I’m sure it was sooo hard putting Ennio Morricone over a Western game and the William Tell Overture over a horse-racing game. Wait, isn’t Morricone’s music copyrighted? How is he going to get away with that in the DVD?
And to make sure we understand this “mood” thing, we get a clip of his editing screen and playing some “dramatic” music over the spaceship scene from the first video. Don’t lie about this, it only makes you look like a bigger tool.

5:19 - 5:40: He then brings up a realistic question, how many episodes are there going to be. He says he doesn’t know. Oh wow, that’s good planning right there. He claims he leaves it “open-ended” because he doesn’t know and because of “job security”. What does that mean?

The video reaches the end with him claiming he’s gotten e-mails from college professors. NO! That’s a huge lie! However, I’ll believe he got e-mails if said professors were debunking his bullshit. Then says that fans enjoyed the- VIDEO OVER! I’m done!

In the name of all that is time and space, what the fuck was that? Could Bores have anymore of an ego? Ugh. You know, the whole “interview” set-up only makes him look like a bigger douche.

As I mentioned at the beginning, Bores is planning to include this on a DVD. On March 24th, he announced three DVDs. Volumes 2 & 3 of the Irate Gamer show coming this Summer, and a separate DVD for History of Boring in the Fall. He still hasn’t learned why his first DVD failed. Also, nobody is going to buy a DVD that doesn’t even have an hour worth of content! No really, I counted up the time for all the videos, including the “making-of”, and it comes to 48 minutes and 32 seconds. That is an outright rip-off!

Can somebody bust his ego? It’s getting really bad.

An Open Letter to LadyBuggin777

2011-03-22T22:47:00.004-05:00

This needs to be addressed.

For those unaware, LadyBuggin777 is the YouTube account used by Chris Bores' very own mother. I'm not making this up. For a while I thought she was a troll pretending to be his mother in order to make him look bad. But I learned from Eric Allen, better known as the Wise Sage, that LadyBuggin really is his mother.

LadyBuggin spends copious amounts of her free time leaving responses to the negative comments on her son's videos. Lots and lots of responses. These days it's to the point where half the comments are from her. Either lavishing praise on Chris, or telling haters "lol u mad" or "your just butthurt and jelous that christopher is better than u".

Unfortunately, she doesn't understand that this endless defense is doing more to hurt her son's image rather than help. Unaware that it makes Chris look like a major loser that needs to rely on his mother to protect him from the "meanies" on the Internet.

LadyBuggin, I recommend you end your commenting. If you're so sure that Chris can defend himself then he doesn't need your help.

He's 31 years old. He's still doing these videos despite the ever-growing amount of disgust towards them. He doesn't need you anymore.
You're 54 years old (going by your profile), yet I would think you're just a kid when you use phrases like "u mad" and "butthurt". Act your age.

I'm certain you won't read this as you passed off my blog as "Nazi propaganda" but I'm writing this because someone needs to tell you that you're not helping him. Lord knows that contacting you through YouTube would be meaningless.
Yes, I pick apart your son's videos. Sometimes I get personal when it involves him writing jerkish messages to people that contact him. But if you really want to help your son, do it in person not through comments.

- Daniel

Sonic Colors IG in a Predictable Way

2011-03-16T08:16:00.007-05:00

Oh no not another Sonic review. Didn’t Bores learn his lesson from the Sonic Unleashed video? I guess not because he’s looking at Sonic Colors… four months late! I guess not every game can be as lucky Marvel vs. Capcom 3.

I’ve played Sonic Colors, and I liked it. The controls are good, there’s a good sense of speed, and the Wisps are a good addition that don’t feel intrusive or gimmicky.

Before the video, let’s look at the “update” because the actual video is only three minutes long (already a sign of quality).
Same shit. Calls us gamers, tells us he got “hundreds of e-mails and requests” for Sonic Colors to try and fool people that he has fans, then announces winners for the latest contest. I’m sure they’re so glad to have a $50 dollar MP3 player that can break easily.

On to the pain.

0:08 - 0:18: “Welcome back gamers” FROM WHAT? Was there a one month commercial break between MvC3 and this? Stop saying “welcome back”! Sorry, but it’s getting really annoying.
He goes on to say this his most requested game from fans. Ugh… you know I’ve complained about this habit of his enough. Let’s just move on.

YouTube Edit: Sprites of Sonic, Tails and Knuckles show up. Do they say anything? No. Do they do anything? Sadly yes, and you'll see what it is.

0:19 - 0:47: “The concept here is to take the daylight levels from the terrible Sonic Unleashed game and make an entire game out of those” The same Sonic Unleashed that you only played an hour of and showed that you have zero knowledge of the series.
Or maybe they just figured out how to finally make a good Sonic game. If anything I see more Super Mario Galaxy comparisons than the day stages in Unleashed.

He goes on to mention how Sonic games have been crap and blah blah blah we know this! We know Sonic hasn’t been good!
He then calls Sonic 4 a “let-down” because it didn’t do anything “refreshing” like Donkey Kong Country Returns. Ignoring that Sonic 4 came out before DKCR, can you give your thoughts on Sonic 4 or are you just listening to various forum opinions?
Bores then calls Colors “the best Sonic game in a while”. Oh good, maybe we won’t get senseless bashing.

EDIT (April 4th 2011): I can't believe I missed this contradiction! Back in IG's Sonic Unleashed video, he was complaining about Sega trying something different and that they should get back to the basics. Here he's complaining that Sonic 4 wasn't "radically refreshing" despite going back to the basics. Once again, less Irate Gamer and more Unpleaseable Dickhead.

I'd like to thank Shadsilvson11 for bringing this up: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_-Wust52YY

0:48 - 1:15: “Sonic games are all about speed, speed, and more speed” Are you trying to make this a Sonic-related running gag? Because it’s not funny. Also, Sonic games are platformers that just happen to be fast. The sooner people realize this the better.
He mentions how there are both 3D and 2D stages and, I’m not kidding here, says the levels get harder later in the game. Four years, and he still doesn’t give a shit. He’s not improving at all, if he was he’d realize that EVERY GAME gets harder as it goes on and STOP SAYING THAT!

1:16 - 1:44: We cut to Bores with a large space to his right, giving away that something is going to jump into the shot. “Let’s talk about the game’s strong points” *cuts back to game* Or not… weird.

YouTube Edit: When it cuts back to Bores, Tails spin-dashes off the table. Obviously he didn't want to be in the video anymore. Bores acts surprised that Tails could do that (all Sonic characters can spin-dash).

Blah blah large number of stages blah blah Mario-style map blah blah
“There are also these wisp-type creatures” They’re called Wisps! They don’t have a different name, they’re just Wisps. Not “wisp-type creatures”.

He then shows a couple of the Wisp power-ups, and when he references the Yellow Drill he follows with “Dig-Dug, eat your heart out”. Dig-Dug has nothing to do with this, stay on-topic Bores.

1:45 - 1:58: He then praises the game’s cutscenes, saying watching them is like watching a cartoon. You hear that? That’s the sound of ravenous SatAM fanboys screaming in rage.
He also mentions that kids will like the cutscenes. You mean your fans? You don’t have any actual fans over the age of 15, stop pretending that parents watch your shit for game advice.

1:58 - 2:36: We cut back to Bores in the same shot as before, and once again nothing jumps out. Then why are you framing the shot like that? “Let’s talk about the bad” I imagine this is where it will hurt.

YouTube Edit: When it cuts back to Bores moving onto the negatives, Sonic spin-dashes off the table. Ugh, more Rule of Three killing.

His first problem is that he had trouble finding Sonic during the 2D segments because of a small or non-HD TV. An HD TV won’t matter because this is the Wii, it can’t go beyond 480p.
He then complains that the only characters are Sonic and Tails. Isn’t that a good thing? I thought that’s what all the Sonic fans wanted, they wanted all his friends to go away. Strange how Bores complains about the exact opposite thing most people complained about in the previous titles. It almost seems like complaint-fishing…
He also complains that Knuckles isn’t in the game. Well, given the plot I doubt he would be in the game. Knuckles didn’t go with Sonic & Tails to Eggman’s space amusement park.

YouTube Edit: When it cuts back to him talking about Knuckles, said character spin-dashes off the table and Bores knocks it over to make it look like Knuckles broke it. I have no idea how that works, but I imagine Bores didn't put any thought into this gag other than "how can I randomly put Sonic sprites in the video?"

The video ends with Bores saying he recommends it to Sonic fans (no shit) but doesn’t know if non-fans will like it.
Oh hey, no closing “Game On” crap. Has he finally realized that attempt at a catchphrase is dumb-as-hell?

Well, I’ll admit it wasn’t as awful as the Sonic Unleashed review but I don’t see this as an improvement. He barely went in-depth with anything, the jokes were still lame, the slam towards Unleashed was unnecessary, those off-center shots in his room were bizarre, the ultra-obvious lines that didn't need explaining, and this felt rushed as hell. You’d think that his “most requested game” would get a little more effort. Oh I forgot, he doesn’t actually care for his fans.

Now to wait another 2 months before we get something from him. Goody.

UPDATE: Bores updated his site to announce the Sonic Colors review was out. He also mentioned he's now working on a "special YouTube version" with extra scenes he couldn't complete in time.
This confirms there will be awful jokes added to the YouTube version.
Also, couldn't complete in time? You have a schedule now?

Redux Recap: Ambien vs Predator.

2011-03-14T21:42:00.000-05:00

*crack* Going through the old videos again, this is going to be a chore.
Let us venture into one of IG’s worst, Predator for the NES.

But first, the trailer. From this point on, Bores started uploading trailers for the reviews. A rather pointless gesture since the video will be on YouTube and not another site.
“only 2 more episodes remain before Season 1 is over” What I find odd is the following episode (R.O.B.) is titled “Season 2”. So was there an episode that was never made?

“And the next review is coming. So be Prepared!” Followed by footage from the review set to that song he played at the end of the Goonies II video. I think it’s more Digital Juice but I heard it’s also something off OC Remix so I’m not sure.
Now onto the video!

One “Blind Pass” later

0:18 - 0:43: The video begins with a stock image of a jungle before cutting to IG looking through a plastic plant. Oh, he’s supposed to be in that jungle. That’s… really lame. He couldn’t film this part outside? *looks at date* April 17th. It’s nice out in April, what’s his excuse for this fake plant crap?
He continues looking through the plastic plant (by the way, poster at 0:35) and stumbles across his copy of Predator. He picks it up and then tries to take a shit. No wait, that’s meant to be anger. Gritting your teeth like that doesn’t make you look angry, rather it looks like you need more fiber.

0:43 - 0:56: “Turning a Hollywood movie into a video game always spells disaster” Should I list off licensed games that contradict this? Yeah I really should.
Chronicles of Riddick, Goldeneye, Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, Ghostbusters (2009), The Godfather, Aladdin (Genesis and SNES), Little Nemo, Stranglehold (sequel to Hard Boiled), and various Star Wars games. I’d go on but we’d be here all day.

“This game isn’t just bad, it’s more like a shit taco with cow urine for a dipping sauce” Disgusting, also shows that Bores seems stuck on food similes.

0:56 - 1:19: IG starts the game up and points out how you don’t get a gun, despite the front cover showing otherwise. Psst, you can get a gun in the first level if you go left and jump to it. Also, he has a gun because they’re using the movie poster for the box art. Yeah, what a concept.

By the way Chris, could you tell us the name of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s character? Instead of just saying “Arnold Schwarzenegger’s character”? Just a thought.

1:20 - 1:25: “So I guess I’ll have to beat these guys down with my FISTS OF FURY” As he says it, the words show up on screen. A half-way clever joke? Something’s not right *digs a little* here‘s the problem! He stole this joke. Not from the AVGN, but from wizwar100/LazyWorkCreations. February 2nd 2007, wizwar reviewed Predator on the NES. It took quite a bit from Armake21’s video but wizwar was man enough to acknowledge his existence and that he was an inspiration.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQbuZV_VFU0
Around 5:40 he says “We’re in the forest again, but I don’t have my motherfucking machine gun just my fists of fury!”
Sound familiar? You can’t say this was a coincidence, it’s too damn similar. It’s also not a reference to the movie so don’t try that excuse.

1:26 - 1:51: IG then points out that the fists are completely worthless. Noting that the biggest problem is their short range. No shit, they’re your fists. Unless you have superpowers then you can’t attack from a distance.

He also brings up the “fustrating” aspect of being unable to punch when crouching. *gasp* A legit point! He shows that this flaw prevents him from killing scorpions. I shouldn’t get too excited, for every legit point there’s 12 idiotic points.

1:52 - 2:00: He then wonders why Dutch (yes I’m calling him by his character name, even if Bores doesn’t) is wearing pink and if the military has gone color blind. This rant sounds oddly familiar, like someone else already made it.
As if stealing from wizwar wasn’t enough, he also stole from Armake21’s review of Predator. The “Dutch wearing pink” rant sounds way too familiar.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YNJ7ZWrBSQ (Part 1)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dGddZ4dhtQ (Part 2, only for the first four minutes)

2:01 - 2:08: We then cut to an odd shot of IG turning to the camera while its facing his TV. I’m guessing he did this shot for two reasons. To show off that he’s not using an emulator and to show off his Brawl poster in another “I’m a gamer guys, really” moment.
He concludes that everyone is trying to kill Dutch because he’s wearing pink, even getting the urge to want to kill him. For wearing pink? That’s kind of homophobic. Laugh at him sure, but kill him?

2:09 - 2:56: He does say there are weapons but you have to go out of your way to find them. He points out the grenades in the first level and how they’re useless, even showing how they can’t blow up the wall of blocks. Once again, I’m getting Armake21 vibes. Did he really think nobody would notice?
“What the shit muchacho?” Mexican on the mind Bores?
“Or should I be saying these ‘pines’ suck ass? Ugh, whatever”. “Pines” is short for “pinecones”, a nickname for grenades shaped like that.

2:57 - 3:24: IG says that you finally get a good weapon in level 3, but complains that they couldn’t give him one earlier. Again, I refer you to the machine gun in level 1. He then complains that he’s using a laser because Dutch didn’t use one in the movie, and wonders if the laser or the “pine” is worse. The grenades! The laser actually works.
“How about giving me a boot so I could shove it up someone’s ass?” I imagine if the game allowed you to kick, it would have the same range as the punch.

3:25 - 3:51: He then says the most “fustrating” aspect is when you beat a level, they take your weapons away. I like how he says “weapons” plural even though you can only carry one weapon at a time.
During his ranting, the Predator is watching him through Thermal Vision. Hang on a second. In the movies, the Predator watched from a distance even when he used his camouflage. A good hunter always watches from a distance. But from this perspective, it looks like the Predator is standing six-seven feet away in the open. Sure, he has his camouflage on but that only works when he’s in trees, when he’s in the open you can clearly see the outline.
Then again, I’m putting more thought into this than Bores did

“This game just keeps getting worse and worse” You can tell how angry I’m getting from my soulless delivery.
Also note that he stares at the camera before it cuts back to the game. Editing flub?

3:52 - 4:01: IG compliments the game giving you a large life-bar, but it won’t help against all the shit they throw at you. *waits* No annoying joke or edit? Surprising.

4:02 - 4:43: He starts talking about level 3 and how you can fall through the blocks. There’s a strange amount of good points in this video. Why did I call it one of the worst?
He also complains about the enemies, saying they aren’t in the movie or even found in a regular cave. Wondering why they couldn’t put in bats or snakes and suggests random things like cows and Richard Simmons tapes. Now I’m starting to remember why this is one of the worst. Random references like that aren’t funny.

If you’re going to complain that the enemies weren’t in the movie, then why aren’t you complaining that there’s a cave level? Remember all those caves in Predator?

4:43 - 5:08: He reaches the boss of level 4 (a Predator) and defeats him, saying he’s easy if you got the laser gun and how your “overrated fists of fury” won’t defeat him. You’re the one that overrated them with those flashy effects!

5:08 - 5:37: IG tells us that defeating this Predator won’t end the game because there’s still ten more Predators despite there being only one in the movie. During this bored rant the Predator continues to watch him and good lord this thermal effect sucks. I actually found a user on YouTube that showed a much better thermal effect in Photoshop.
You can view it here (by biohazardoussnark): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qiM9dy-UI9E
He even provides a tutorial for the Photoshop-savvy: http://www.iamcraiglewis.co.uk/predator_tutorial.pdf

Oh and a predictable “you ever get the feeling you’re being watched” line. Have to fill the “trite-quota” somehow.

5:38 - 6:29: IG brings up the game’s numerous precision jumps and how many levels have a lot of small platforms to jump across. Well it is a platformer…
“Over-jump your target, you fall down below. Under-jump your target, you fall down below. An enemy hits you, you fall down below” Touch the top of the building you die, touch the ceiling you die, touch the floor you die, too far to the right you die, too far to the left you die, you die, you die, you die die die die die die DIE! He just loves stealing this bit doesn’t he? And don’t give me that “there’s no other way to explain it” crap.

*ahem* The jumping in this game is difficult to control, especially in the platforming segments with multitudes of tiny blocks. It’s a tedious process and frustrating when you’re almost at the top only for one over-shot jump to impede your progress.

But this over-explanation is interrupted by another needless joke! Bores falls on purpose to the left of the screen and starts going through multiple screens leading to the gag where he’s in different games, ending on Dutch going through Hell and Devil Bores commenting on it. Ugh, there’s two minutes left. Just two minutes.

6:30 - 6:45: He talks about the large amount of levels and how some are called “Level Big Mode” and it’s called that because everything is big, leading to…
“Well if we’re going to be honest, why not just call a few of these stages ‘Level PieceOfFuckingShit?’” I can’t figure out why, but this jokes hurts me. And not in the usual way.

6:46 - 7:23: He gets to a level where he needs to throw grenades at the wall to reach other items. His comment “It would be a helluva lot easier if these enemies weren’t trying to kill me!” Pfft hahahahahahaha! Wow, that’s all kinds of dumb. Complaining that enemies are actually trying to kill you, I’m amazed.

Then we see Bores “Winter-Gaming” and whining while trying to take another shi- I mean get angry or something. Along with some really bad acting and ugly expressions. During this he breaks his controller in half. Quite a clean break if you ask me, almost seems planned…

So we’ve FINALLY reached the end of this endurance test with Bores telling us the game sucks when the Predator’s triangle laser sight appears on his shirt. He ducks out of the way of a Particle Illusion effect and explosion that hits his NES shelf… and does nothing to it. That shelf must be on a separate plane of existence to withstand an explosion. That or Bores was too lazy to make his NES games fall.

The Predator appears and good lord does it look lame. I do wonder who’s in the costume though, Bores doesn’t give credit to who it is.

Now, before I get to the fight scene I want to bring up something he said in the comments to the trailer video. Bores was bragging about his martial arts training and said that we’ll be seeing some of it in this video. I have a feeling he might have been lying.

IG charges the Predator, disarms him, but the Predator gets him into a chokehold, IG knees him then punches him but gets punched back knocking him over. He gets up and delivers a bunch of badly-choreographed punches finally knocking down the Predator. So the Predator blows himself up taking IG along with him! Nooo that’s what the movie Predator would do, the shitty Irate Gamer Predator just lies there while IG grabs his gun and… blows his head off. Watch AVGN’s Friday the 13th episode much? Seriously, it’s almost exact.
Bores stares at the camera and the video ends.

*slams head down* Now I really remember why this is one of the worst. It’s unbelievably boring! He sounds bored throughout most of the video, there aren’t enough idiotic complaints to make fun of, the fight at the end was slow and bordered on Mary Sue levels, it was just a big ball of dull! That and all the material he stole for this. I mean, three reviewers?

On the bright side, for you at least, the next video is abysmal. There will be sooooo much to talk about in that one.
I’m going to go watching something exciting, like After Last Season.

Status Report: Meh

2011-03-09T16:54:00.003-06:00

I'm still here everyone. I'm not completely gone.

As for new stuff Bores has done? Not a lot.
He reuploaded the Marvel vs Capcom 3 video to YouTube, adding an unfunny scene with Devil Bores when talking about Arthur and the Ghosts n' Goblins stage.
He also reuploaded History Part 1 IN HD! He did change a few things though. He's wearing different clothes in the intro and "cockpit" scene, and altered/removed the cursing. "Holy fireballs of shit" became "Holy fireballs of crap" (with a bizarre emphasis on crap) and he removed the "WHAT DA FAWK?" after learning his opponent got 64 points.

That's all for now. Just meh.

Edit: I'm not ending this just yet. Stop asking if I'm going to quit.

Trailer Reviews. Spiraling Deeper into "Not Giving a Shit"

2011-02-27T05:57:00.003-06:00

Two months ago, Chris uploaded videos giving his thoughts on trailers to Batman: Arkham City and Mortal Kombat (2011). Rather, he says he found a trailer, shows the whole thing, and says "wasn't that video FAN-tastic guys?" I chastised him for being a lazy twit only doing this for extra cash. But I was impressed that he didn't call the two videos "reviews".

Two months later, Bores released another "trailer first impressions" video. This time on the yet-to-be-titled Kirby game. However, he screwed up and called it a review. Plus, coming off of his abysmal Epic Yarn review it seemed like he was just mocking us.

Then I went to his site because there's often a lot of bullshit there. I saw this under "Video Game Reviews".
http://www.theirategamer.com/videogamereviews.htm
"Trailer Reviews". That's right, he's attempting to make this an official series. This is a guaranteed sign that he's given up. He's only doing this for money now, putting in as little effort as possible.

*reads the other sections* Holy shit there are some horrid grammar mistakes, as well as some self-centered remarks.
"Focus's" - It's "focuses", that's an actual word! Also why is it capitalized?
"The show has recently be revamped for HD!" - Are you sure you went to school?
"THE Irate Gamer Neo" - Again with the unnecessary "the"s. What's next, you'll call Bulletstorm "The Bulletstorm"?
"Episode are exclusively shown..." - Look, there's typos and then there's being a dumbass.
"This is an opened ended series which will span many episodes" - Is it possible to arrest him for crimes against the English language?
"Check out all the coverage and shenanigans from the event..." Witness the zaniness of Bores... giving interviews. Boy those are some wacky shenanigans!
"Dubbed by many fans as the best coverage of E3 of 2010" - How very humble of you...
He must have realized how egotistical this sounded so he added a disclaimer saying "Special thanks to the fans that e-mailed me and thought so". It's like he knew he'd get bombarded by people that enjoy real E3 coverage so he quickly wrote that down.

Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, the trailer reviews. You know who else tried that? The Amazing Atheist/Distressed Watcher. There's a reason he doesn't do that anymore. Just keep that in mind.

Early MvC3 Review Shows GotGame is Run by Idiots

2011-02-14T14:10:00.007-06:00

One of the biggest games in years, one that people thought would never come out. A game people waited for 11 years to see. And the morons at GotGame allow Chris Bores to release an early review. What the fuck is wrong with you?
Seriously, who runs GotGame and why isn’t he in an asylum yet? How the fuck do you still think Bores is a legit gamer? Time and time again he’s shown how much of a liar he is and you still give him free stuff! You! Are! Idiots!

*sighs* Let’s get through this. Here’s Irate Gamer’s review of Marvel vs. Capcom 3.

0:09 - 0:18: “Welcome back gamers” Okay I never understood why he says “welcome back” at the beginning of his videos. Does he think there’s an ultra-long commercial break between videos? I don’t know, this just bugs me. Also, stop addressing your audience as gamers when you’re clearly not one!

He announces the game and wonders how it will stack up.

0:19 - 0:27: “This is the long-awaited third installment in the Marvel vs. Capcom franchise” No shit. What told you this the fact it’s called Marvel vs. Capcom 3?
If you want to get technical then he’s wrong. The “Marvel vs. Capcom” franchise has more than three games. There’s X-Men vs. Street Fighter, then Marvel Super Heroes vs. Street Fighter, then the series became Marvel vs. Capcom in order to accommodate non-Street Fighter characters like Morrigan and Mega Man.

“And in this title they pull out all the stops” You can gauge this from a cutscene of Dormammu.

0:28 - 0:37: He claims he quickly enjoyed this game. Well, sounds like he won’t be a moron and bash it…
“With three fighters fighting on each side; it makes this unique brawler very unique and very enjoyable to play” Oh for the love… Do you ever do more than one take? Four years and you still haven’t fixed your redundancy problem. Get writing lessons! As well as acting lessons.

0:38 - 0:47: Blah blah blah controls are FAN-tastic blah blah.
“Having your other two teammates assist you is a nice touch” You mean like in the previous game? At least do a little research if you’re going to do an early review.

0:48 - 1:49: He goes on about the roster and how Capom did a really good job. He points out how Arthur from GnG was included and the GnG stage is a “nice touch for classic gamers” Why do you care? I thought you hated Ghosts N Goblins, wouldn’t this “set off your Irate nature”? Do you even care?

YouTube Edit: He added a scene with Devil Bores showing up and Bores wondering how he got in the game. You put him in.

He also brings up familiar “heavy-hitters” like Wolverine, Tron Bonne (tell me Chris, which game is she from?) and Magneto (WHERE’S YO CURELH MUSTACHE?!)

Then he brings up characters he “couldn’t do absolutely nothing with”… could you at least TRY not to sound like an inbred hick?
He cites… Storm? Okay, either they nerfed her or Bores continues to show he has no idea what he’s talking about. Last I checked Storm was one of the characters used by tournament players. Along with Magneto and Sentinel. By the way, if you want your claim to look good then lose as Storm, don’t defeat a CPU version of her.

He responds to Storm losing with a facepalm. Just stop it, it’s not funny when you do it. That wasn’t even a facepalm worthy moment.

He’s also glad to see X-23 in the game since she’s “relatively new” and responds to her defeating an opponent with “you go girl”. Never talk again!

1:50 - 2:15: Bores starts getting into nit-picking asking why they included Super Skrull, Dormammu, and She-Hulk, wondering if these characters were “really in-demand” and he can’t imagine “gamers’ jumping at the chance to play She-Hulk.
First off, shut the fuck up She-Hulk is awesome. Second, there was a reason they included Super-Skrull. They didn’t want to include all the members of the Fantastic Four so they used a character that had all their powers. Roster balance.
He then says they should have included Cyclops, Apocalypse or Ghost Rider, or for female fighters Invisible Woman. Well, Cyclops and Ghost Rider I can see as possible DLC (BEHOLD! OPTIC BLAST!) but Invisible Woman isn’t happening for the reason I mentioned and Apocalypse… well he was in MSH vs. SF but he wasn’t a playable character. There might be a chance for DLC. We’ll see.

2:16 - 2:23: The camera cuts to Bores telling us he’s about to show some spoilers. Wow, that’s bad form. You don’t spoil a game that hasn’t come out, everyone knows this you pile of moron! Even if this is a fighting game, and the story isn’t important, it’s called common courtesy. You don’t see Giant Bomb or Gamespy spoil a game.

2:24 - 2:55: So, what is this huge spoiler? Galactus is the final boss in the Arcade mode… didn’t we already know that? This whole part feels like padding. Instead of going into the various modes and controls, he pads by spoiling the final boss of a fighting game. I don’t know, something about this seems really off.

2:56 - 3:42: Bores starts getting into the unlockable characters… for a long time. Dude, unlockable characters aren’t that important. Gameplay, control, multiplayer, the actual characters themselves, these are the things that are important.
He notices that there are still four empty spots on the select screen, wondering if there’s more characters “lurking”. Clearly those are the slots for DLC characters. Shuma-Gorath and Jill Valentine have been confirmed and my guess is when someone downloads them they’ll appear in those slots.
Bores then talks about the four unlockable characters, drooling over the Sentinel and how one of his Hyper Combos can go up to 33 hits. Yeah, most Hyper Combos do that. How is that one special?
He then starts talking about Taskmaster, saying he has no idea who he is and complains about the “obscure” characters. Taskmaster isn’t obscure, he’s been around since 1980 and is one of Deadpool’s adversaries. They probably included him because Deadpool is in the game and Taskmaster’s ability would be interesting for a fighting game.
Also, who are these obscure characters you’re talking about? The closest I’d call obscure are X-23 and Tron Bonne, but you pointed them out. I’m confused.

The video ends with IG giving his final verdict. If you like fighting games you might like this one. Vague.

Honestly this wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Sure there were some really stupid moments but it could have been much, much worse. I’m hoping one of the conditions of doing this early review was no retarded gags. Then again, the people that run GotGame are idiots for entrusting an early review to him. I’m just glad that some of the other people on the site (ReviewTechUSA, Kwing, Aqualung, Chris Holland) do not like him. Plus ReviewTech is on Blistered Thumbs now so it’s all good.

*stares at PS2* I think Persona 4 is calling me.

UPDATE: Bores uploaded the announcement video to YouTube, where he also "reviewed" the opening cinematic. Rather, he showed it and said "Isn't that awesome guys?" My God his laziness knows no limits.

UPDATE 2: Now he's uploaded a poorly-edited video of him playing Marvel vs. Capcom 3. He tries to look badass by playing on Hard but the CPU characters barely do anything, meaning he's playing on Easy. Also some annoying shots of him button-mashing. Look, I know MvC is a button-masher but that's not how it's played!

A New Post? Sure.

2011-02-12T20:59:00.003-06:00

Damn, I haven't updated in a while. It's not completely my fault, Bores hasn't done anything worth mentioning.
Since uploading the Kirby's Epic Yarn review to NotGame he's done... very little. He made some videos about trailers (whoop-de-doo), held more contests (win some plastic crap that probably won't work on your TV!), one of them won by his best friend lukestarkiller441, and reuploaded the Epic Yarn review to YouTube with an altered line and a new ending.

So yeah he's really done nothing. As for redux recaps I haven't had the will to go back to his old stuff.

That's all.

UPDATE (2/13/11): Bores announced that he's going to review Marvel vs. Capcom 3. Saying the review will go up tomorrow because of "some strange rules". It's called a review embargo jackass, AAA titles often put one in place.

Ugh, this review will hurt. If he compares it to Mortal Kombat there will be trouble.