The Summer of Forgettable Crap and Iron Man

Since Chris Bores seems to care about what movies he thinks will be “sPEtactular” he released another Top Ten Summer Movie List. Strange thing is, he didn’t split this into two parts. I still don’t get why he did that the last two years, but let’s see his moronic tastes for this year. Intro: “Since I did these lists for the last two years, I’ll do it again.” After all, people love my opinions on movies. Because of me, nobody saw Watchmen again… right? I was the reason people stopped seeing Watchmen and decided to see the “A+” X-Men Origins Wolverine? Number Ten: Inception He starts off the list with Christopher Nolan’s upcoming sci-fi film (strange how doesn’t mention the director behind The Dark Knight is working on this). He says it looks weird and doesn’t know what to expect. How very detailed. Number Nine: The A-Team He says he barely remembers watching this, but hopes to see tons of action and tons of explosions. How about plot? Oh, and he’s disappointed that Mr. T won’t be reprising his role as B.A. Baracus (doesn’t say the character’s name). Look, people need to realize that Mr. T is 57 years old. He can’t be the strong guy forever… though Chuck Norris is 70 years old and still kicking ass. Just don’t be angry that they didn’t get him. Number Eight: Toy Story 3 “I know this is a kid’s movie…” Learn that Pixar movies are meant for EVERYONE and then we can talk “legit movie critic”. Blah blah characters blah blah adventures blah blah I don’t care. Number Seven: Grown Ups Ladies & Gentlemen, Chris Bores’ taste in comedy. I saw the trailer for this, it made me want to castrate myself. He goes on about all the cast being from SNL (I totally remember Kevin James being on SNL, remember that bit where he played the fat slob with a hot wife?) and how it will be hysterical. Yeah, Rob Schnieder and David Spade say otherwise. Number Six: Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time “I’m going to assume that this movie is based off the game of the same name” ASSUME? Jeez, why don’t you just hold up a sign in every video now that says “Hello! I am not a gamer!” Just to further this, he shows the Genesis boxart saying “it was hard as hell to play through”. I’d give him credit if it wasn’t the fact this was based off Sands of Time, which came out in 2003 on the three main consoles and PC. More vague statements and this “Jerry BROCKheimer”, you mean Bruckheimer? Ass. Number Five: Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps Guh… he doesn’t mention this is a sequel. How does he not know about the original Wall Street? Michael Douglas is REPRISING his role as Gordon Gekko, Charlie Sheen was in the original but now his character-type (not the same character, but similar) is played by the even less talented Shia LaShit. Oh yeah the vague thoughts, he just says it looks good and the plot will spiral out of control. Number Four: Tron Legacy He mentions that it’s not coming out until after Summer ends but he had to put it in. I should mention that Wall Steet: Money Never Sleeps comes out after summer, but who am I to argue with the idiot that doesn’t know it’s a sequel. All of these summaries are the same, just being as vague as possible. God I’m bored. Number Three: The Last Airbender He mentions that it’s based off “a cartoon” and has never seen it, but the trailer makes him want too. Trust me, the cartoon is far more worth the time then whatever that hack M. Night releases. Does Bores only care about special effects? It’s all he’s been talking about. Oh, listen to this “Plus this movie is directed by M. Night Shyamalan, so it should be pretty good.” Wow, did this fucker see The Happening? Or The Village? Or Lady in the Water? Really, anything after Unbreakable sucked. Number Two: The Sorcerer’s Apprentice Ah great, more Nicholas Cage. “This film looks to be one special effects ride that’s going to be great”. Seriously, why didn’t he review Avatar? You’d think he would spend more then 90 seconds gushing about the effects. And that’s what this summary is, gushing about special effects. And now for Number One: Iron Man 2 I will say that’s a better choice then G.I. Joe and *shudders* Dragonball Evolution. He doesn’t say much other then “there’s hype and I hope it will live up to it.” That’s the video, he ends it saying he’ll review most of these and to check back or “subscribe to my channel” (whore) and that’s where it ends. I’ll be honest, this list was a lot better then the last two. But that’s not saying much, his taste in movies still sucks. Until next time.