E3 2011 Part 3: Have We Reached The End? (UPDATE)

This is the coverage that doesn’t end, it goes on and on my friends. Most people have completely moved to better gaming news, but Irate Gamer doesn’t and that is why this is the coverage that doesn’t end. Because this is the coverage that never… oh it ended? After a long painful month of asking the same questions, claiming to be a fan of stuff he clearly hasn’t heard of, and terrorism, IG’s E3 coverage is over! And man these last videos are quite the punch to the gut. Let’s finish this! Video 17: LittleBigPlanet for Playstation Vita (June 27th) http://gotgame.com/2011/06/27/little-big-planet-psvita-first-look/ “Woohoo LBP fans!!” That’s from the description, there’s no context for it being there. Can’t write a description? Just shout something completely random We then get a demo of the game, and other than touch screen and gyroscope additions it looks exactly the same as all the other LBP titles. God I’m bored. After the snooze-inducing demo, it jumps into an interview. All he asks is “when is it coming out?” Video 18: Skylanders: Spyro’s Adventure (June 28th) http://gotgame.com/2011/06/28/skylanders-spyros-adventure-exclusive-look/ Really? This piece of crap? I hope he doesn’t say it looks good because nobody thinks this is going to be good. You have to buy action figures to unlock different characters (more of Activision‘s money pool generators), and Spyro looks like he was hit with the biggest stick from the ugly tree. “Dat looks awesome” Ugh. All I can think of is Eye of Judgement. These characters are so generic, why would I want to play as them? Chop Chop, Prism Break, Ignitor, Flameslinger? Yeah I know I’m ranting more about the game itself but IG isn’t saying anything. “It kind of reminds me of Pokemon” … On second thought, stop talking Bores. Just don’t talk. As usual, IG asks the same damn questions. More characters, consoles, and release date. It’s like he has a checklist and he MUST follow it. But, the part that gets me is at the end. IG does his idiotic “game on” signoff, and Jeff from Activision there repeats it. You know, I like to think that the other representatives hear him say that and wonder “Is this guy for real? Is GotGame like some Nickelodeon thing?” Activision sucks. Video 19: 3DS Games (June 29th) http://gotgame.com/2011/06/29/irate-gamer-e3-3ds-games-rundown/ “The Irate Gamer checks out 4 titles on the 3Ds” … You’re doing this on purpose now aren’t you? “Hey maw, I just done gone saw one of dem movin pictures in da 3Ds”, that’s what it sounds like to me. YouTube Description: "Only a few more E3 vids left. Then we'll return you to your regularly scheduled programming" You have a schedule? Do you share it with Scott Ramsoomair? He looks at Luigi’s Mansion 2, says he didn’t like it. Next! He looks at “the new Star Fox 64 game”. Well, at least saying it like that is correct since there is more than one Star Fox 64. Though I can sum up his thoughts as “it looks cool, and Star Fox fans should be pleased” Then he looks at Mario Kart, “it looks cool, it has new power-ups, and it looks cool in the third dimension”. Well if you aren’t going to elaborate Chris then why should I? He then moves onto Kid Icarus Uprising, which he had “some disappointments” “I’m a huge fan of Kid Icarus” Yes, I’m such a huge fan that I’ve never said the hero’s name correctly. He says the controls are confusing, circling things because he thinks we’re morons. Also, that’s an analog stick not a d-pad. He also says the battle system was annoying, but this one he barely goes indepth. “Setting up the game this way…” Something about that line doesn’t sound right. “Gameplay aside, the graphics and 3D were awesome” Basically he just said “screw gameplay, I only care for graphics!” Gameplay is more important you fool! He ends the video saying he also played Super Mario 3D, but “that’s a review for another day”. So you’re going to wait until the game comes out? Oh wait no, he just confused “review” and “preview” again. Because they’re so similar. Video 20: Star Wars Kinect (June 30th) http://gotgame.com/2011/06/30/star-wars-kinect-e3-exclusive-details-revealled/ “This intrepid interviewer…” You don’t know what that means do you? An intrepid interviewer/reporter/journalist is someone that goes into risky areas like war zones or corrupt businesses. You’re an asshole that went to a convention open to thousands of people asking questions anyone with a grain of common sense could figure out. “… strikes gold yet again when a yet to be revealed fact about the game slips out” E3 ended three weeks ago, any “facts” you have will likely have been reported by better news sources. Even if it is something “new”, nobody cares. You’re the only moron that thinks this piece of shit looks playable. I haven’t even gotten to the video! The video does begin with Bores playing the game and someone telling him how it works. The more I see of this game, the more I understand how idiotic it is. Put this on the Wii or Playstation 3 with Move exclusive controls, at least I have something concrete to hold onto. Pretending I’m holding a lightsaber is like going back to the stone age, no wait they actually had clubs and rocks, this is just outright stupid! This is why they made toys, so you can hold something when you’re playing Jedi. “Decapitation Chris that was awesome” What have I said about talking? Oh wait, that was someone else… don’t talk either way. We then enter interview mode. IG asks the same damn questions that we can see from the trailer, and this Matt guy from LucasArts says “iconic” more than Joe Maddelana (look him up kids). And where’s this “revealed fact” that he bragged about? All of this I could see from the footage! Video 21: Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City (July 1st) http://gotgame.com/2011/07/01/resident-evil-operation-raccoon-city-e3-first-look/ “I’m a big fan of the Resident Evil games” Your review of Resident Evil 5 says otherwise. After Eric from Capcom explains that it’s a team-based game, IG asks “Is there one main character we’re playing as?” Did you not listen to what he was saying? This is like that G.I. Joe interview from two years ago. “Will we be saying any classics like Jill or Chris?” You can clearly see Leon and Claire. You know, the characters you don’t know of because the only Resident Evil game you played was 5, I’m surprised you know Jill considering you didn’t get past the first level. The video ends with a shot of Bores looking at the camera and nodding. What the hell was that? His face didn’t show any emotion so I have no clue what he was trying to convey there. Video 22: Kirby Wii (July 5th) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVnlh1ptbis Half the video is a montage of the game as he makes “funny faces” to the camera. Do his fans really find these reaction shots funny? “Wow oh wow” Careful there, you almost channeled Arch Hall Jr. “Not that Epic Yarn crap” God damn it I knew he would say this! We get it, you didn’t like Epic Yarn! You gave an extremely hypocritical and poor reason for not liking it, but you’ve established well enough that you didn’t like the game. Quit. Bringing. It. Up! Then he says it looks amazing and can’t wait for it to come out. That’s it. Boy, that was pointless. Well, more pointless than the other E3 videos. How much longer… Video 23: Super Mario 3DS (July 6th) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQc8JzgcFkQ “Of course I saved the best for last” Is… is it over? Are there no more E3 videos after I finish this? “If you love Mario games, you’ll enjoy this installment too” I hate when he says this, I really do. “And this time, he’s in 3D” I thought he was in 3D back in 1996 when Super Mario 64 came ohhhh you mean the other 3D. The one that's just a fad right now. He brings up old enemies and shows footage of Rocky Wrench while calling him “this guy”. You did this voiceover in post-production, you seriously couldn’t go to the Mario Wiki and find “Rocky Wrench”? Also, this isn’t their big comeback. They showed up in Super Mario Galaxy and New Super Mario Bros. Wii. After some more rambling, it then enters a montage with that stock rock track he’s used before. Oh god damn it his Pac-Man Fever is coming out! Not at E3 you moron! Why is he angry? Didn't he say he liked the game? Also, he’s using footage from the trailer. I don’t care anymore, this E3 shit is over! What do I make of that? The captain obvious questions, the feigned interest, caring for games that anyone with an ounce of common sense can tell you are going to suck, Ubisoft, I seriously SERIOUSLY hope GotGame has the sense to not bring him next year. That’s all I really have to say. What’s next? Well, Bores confirmed on Facebook the next Neo video is Mortal Kombat 9. I imagine it’ll be another video where he forgets his “character” is supposed to be angry, then make up some pointless flaw because he couldn’t find a real one. Followed by a regular Irate Gamer episode on RoboCop 2 & 3. I guess we’ll see that in January. UPDATE: Oh GOD DAMN IT! I knew it was too good to be true! IG uploaded yet another E3 video. Video 24: Top 5 E3 disappointments and let downs. (July 7th) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EblJex6ojDs Oh this is going to suck. The video isn't at E3, but at his house. 1. WWE '12 He didn't like how there was only four characters, no arenas or announcements, not understanding why this was one the show floor. Because the WWE series is big and THQ will do everything to show it off. And no mention on how it dropped the "Smackdown vs. Raw" title? 2. Final Fantasy XIII-2 Or as he calls it, "the new Final Fantasy game". Look, with Final Fantasy you have to be specific since Square-Enix milks that crap. He says the graphics are pretty, but he hasn't been "wowed" since Final Fantasy IX. He didn't understand the story and he felt the "attack system" was dated. You didn't play Final Fantasy XIII did you? It's the exact same system, it's not "dated". It came out in late 2009. He demands that Square fixes it so one attacks like the old games or one attacks like "God of War". You mean like the Tales series, or the Kingdom Hearts series, or Final Fantasy Versus XIII? ... God damn it you're an idiot. Oh, and I missed this the first time around. He calls it "Final Fantasy XII". You clearly edited this video Bores, you didn't even notice that? Or do you fail with roman numerals? 3. X-Men Destiny Or "the new X-Men game". Is it really that difficult to say titles? He says he didn't like how you don't play as any of the actual X-Men, but three students created for the game. Begrudgingly... I agree. I have zero interest in this game. Bleh, I just agreed with Bores. I feel unclean. 4. Twisted Metal Finally, some elaboration on his throw-away line from the Sony Conference video... pfft. He said it felt rehashed. It's the first real Twisted Metal game in a long time! In fact, the car battle genre isn't exactly a big one. 5. The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword Oh boy, here we go. He does acknowledge people will get mad at him for it. ... Too easy. He thought the controls were "clunky" and felt switching weapons was a "pain in the butt." First off, do you know what clunky controls are? The Wii tries to avoid this with the limited buttons. Second, pain in the butt? Quit trying to keep this PG. He says others agreed with him, and that it's all a bad sign and things need to be improved and blah blah blah. People are still going to buy it, and they're going to lavishly praise it. That's just how the world works. He then says he wants a gritty, adult Zelda, similar to God of War. Go fuck yourself. I've seen assholes say similar things like this, and they're laughed off the forum for being so childish. It's not "mature" to want a gritty Zelda, it's extremely simple-minded. It's the "Call of Duty audience" mindset and frankly I find it disgusting. He then brings up the Wii U tech demo and hopes the graphics are like that. Yeaaaah, Nintendo reported they won't look like that. In a dishonorable mention, he was disappointed in THQ for not showing a new Voltron game because they secured the rights for it. That doesn't mean anything, it just means they have the rights to make a game, it doesn't mean they must make one. "Damn it" *pounds table* Grr, I'm angry. Can't you tell how angry I am that there's no Voltron? Grrr. In his "Want More" card at the end, he advertises the "Best of 3E" coming so ... you seriously didn't spot that? Whatever, when he releases his goddamn Best Of list I'll edit this to include it. UPDATE: For the love of... before we're "treated" to his Best Of list, we have to deal with another video from the show. Video 25: Legend Zelda Wii-U Tech Demo - Irate Edit (July 8th) No, that's really what the video is titled. "Legend Zelda", what the hell is wrong with you? "I had to manually insert every sound FX heard in this video. Took me awhile to put together so i hope you enjoy" ... Is this what he means by "Irate Edit"? This is going to hurt. He shows the tech demo with sounds he added. It didn't hurt, but I really have to ask why? This could have been time spent on making actual content, instead of pointless edits that weren't needed. Can you just end this Bores? Nobody cares anymore! UPDATE: Video 26: Top 5 Best of E3 (July 12th) Are we at the end? I hope we are. The well is bone-dry. "I know some will disagree with my choices since this was a big year for First Person Shooters, but I don't really get into those" Bores, most gamers are really sick of the FPS genre. Don't try to act like your "high and mighty" by not including Modern Warfare 3 or Halo 4 on your list. 1. Super Mario 3DS He just reiterates everything said in his preview video (see above), he calls it a "review" in an annotation link. Someone really should tell him the difference. 2. Sonic Generations Once again he goes on about how awesome it is, calls it a "review" in his annotation link blah blah blah. He comments that fans have been wanting a Sonic game similar to the Genesis titles for "a couple years". Try a decade! By the way, this is a 3 minute 21 second video, we're not even a minute in and he's already on the third game of his Top 5 list. 3. Ninja Gaiden 3 Whoa! He said it correctly! Maybe he does listen to me. Or one of the people at GotGame smacked him off-screen and said "it's GUY-den you fuckwit". "There's lots of action, lots of button-smashing" Dumb complaint but it's button-mashing not smashing. Jeez, he can't even get the terminology right. He also says he got an interview with the developers but he scrapped it because they didn't tell him much. How is this different from your other interviews? Oh wait, they might have actually told you stuff if you weren't a dipshit and asked questions like "Is the downloadable Mortal Kombat fighter also going to have special moves?" 4. Star Wars Kinect I KNEW IT! You have got to be kidding me. I would have preferred you put Modern Warfare 3 on the list, as linear as it is at least it has a decent amount of control. "It's really cool, you jump, you lightsaber, you've got force pushing" Stuff you can do in a lot of Star Wars games. Waving your arms isn't a good incentive. Also, when did lightsaber become a verb? 5. Kirby Wii Five bucks says he bashes Epic Yarn again. He didn't outright bash it, he just said "it wasn't the game I was wanting, this is blah blah blah". Unfortunately that's not the end of the video. He brings up the 3DS Streetpass and how it works, and that he got a lot of different Miis and people e-mailing him saying they got his Mii. I don't care? He also says he'll get a 3DS review out in the future because he gets requests for it. Can't bring up a possible video without creating the illusion he has fans. "There's one more video" NOOOO oh it's just bloopers. Well fuck that! I am done with this! Holy crap this took forever. Cross your fingers that GotGame wises up and doesn't invite him next year. I hope they gave him shit for the Ubisoft video. So what's next? Probably going to wait for his Mortal Kombat 9 video, or do a Redux Recap.