In the Year 20XX, a Total Moron Tries to Bash an All-Time Classic

I didn’t write up a post last week as I barely had any material.
Last Tuesday was more Skylanders and last Friday was his “Top 5 80’s Toys”. It was a boring video where he just goes on and on about his favorite toys from the time. Two of them (Garbage Pail Kids and M.U.S.C.L.E.) were already featured on I Bore the 80’s. But overall, not really much to say about it.

This Tuesday was more fucking Skylanders. Get used to seeing this.
Friday’s video is a new regular IG episode. This one on… oh no, oh no no no no no no no NO! Mega Man. Do you want people to hate you Chris? Are you attempting to be a contrarian for views? It’s not working. Have you just given up? Have you realized that you’re not actually a critic or capable of distinguishing a good game from a bad one so you’ve resorted to mindless nitpicking? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! This isn’t improvement.

The video is nearly 8 minutes long, clocking in at 7:48. This is going to be suffering.

*reads description*
“Another Madcap episode of The Irate Gamer!” You already said “madcap” last time. It was wrong then and it’s probably wrong now. No wait, half of it is right, it’s certainly “mad”, and it will drive people “mad”.
“This time we are taking a look at the classic video game, Mega Man. The entire franchise starts here. Fighting all 6 robots, taking their power up, and dying a billion times in the process... yeah its kind of like that.” We’re six episodes into “Season 5” and I think I got his formula down. Find a beloved old game that was kind of hard, cry about it being hard, insert a bunch of stupid Family Guy jokes, then destroy the game for petty or made-up reasons. Perfect! Pffffffffft

0:17 - 0:47: After the intro, we begin on Karbia Yuan’s IG Mega Man sprite, jumping into the screen like someone selected a level. IG’s Clear Bonus is only 50,000.
He goes over how it was popular, there were six games on the NES, and the thing that made it popular was beating bosses and taking their weapons. Well that wasn’t the only thing, they were well-designed platformers that were challenging and fun. I’ve noticed Chris has weird reasons for believing certain games were popular. Super Mario Bros was popular because it was bundled with every NES, Punch-Out was popular because of the characters. He never considers that these games were popular because they were well-made games. Buuut again that would require him to understand what makes a game good or bad.
After he brings up the taking powers part, he calls Mega Man a “regular Hamburglar of the video game world”. Let me guess, the fucking Hamburglar is going to appear. OH WHAT A SHOCK! Not even a minute in and we have random references.
Actually, I’m kind of surprised Bores hasn’t made a video crying about the new Hamburglar and how they’re destroying his childhood. He complained on Twitter about the all-girl Ghostbusters and that he wanted to “jump off a roof”, so I’m surprised he hasn’t said the same about Human Hamburglar.

0:48 - 1:51: He brings up how you can select the stages in order, but some are so hard you’ll go batshit crazy and it cuts to the stage select screen with various “Screaming IG’s” replacing the Robot Masters.
Then he brings up the infamous box art, and how it misleads you into thinking you’ll be playing a “badass military man” and not a “cartoon robot in his underwear”. Are you seriously slighting the game for NOT having that ugly Tron mofo as the protagonist? You’re really reaching for issues.

He starts on Cut Man since it’s the first highlighted and HOLY CRAP HE BROUGHT UP THE MUSIC! After five episodes of never mentioning music, he finally brings it up! Is he finally listening? No, if he really was, he wouldn’t be “reviewing” good games.
Blah blah “get past obstacles and enemies”, captain obvious lines.
He claims the stage is “easy to get through on one life”, despite the fact that he barely has any health when he reaches Cut Man. He claims beating the boss is “a different thing entirely” and he… jumps right into him. Wow, he’s terrible. That had to be intentional, the low health, the jumping right into him, he did that so he could…
React by lunging towards the camera with his mouth wide open. Jeeeez, didn’t expect any jump scares in this video.

He beats Cut Man and moves onto Ice Man’s stage (that’s not his weakness!) He shows off how the Rolling Cutter can kill enemies in one hit and… make intricate works of origami, as he kills one of the Pengs and it turns into a paper crane. That’s not what origami is, don’t you mean sashimi?

1:52 - 3:23: He heads to Fire Man next. That’s not his weakness either! Elec Man! Go to Elec Man, or rather go to Guts Man so you can get his Super Arm then go to Elec Man so you can get the Magnet Beam.
He gushes about the Rolling Cutter some more. I prefer the Thunder Beam and Fire Storm. Then a joke where he throws one and it takes a long time to come back. Already resorted to padding.
He dies at one point, and decides to leave and go to Ice Man’s stage. Now I’m just confused about the Peng scene earlier…
He then says Ice Man looks like he has a cool mustache and wonders if he’s related to the Pringles mascot. Okay no, that’s not a mustache. If you look at any official artwork, you’d realize that’s his mouth. I never saw a mustache and you know why? They’re robots, they have no need for facial hair. Light and Wily have enough to go around.

So apparently Bores calls the infamous disappearing platforms a “rock climb”. I… what? That doesn’t even make sense.
Anyway, padding padding padding! He manages to get past the first set but sees there’s a second set. He gives up and goes to Guts Man stage, but not before bringing up the moving platforms.

3:24 - 4:29:  Onto Guts Man’s stage. Wow… he even fails at just getting on the first platform. I can understand the other platforms, but the first? He dies like 4 times too, and it’s not recycled footage, the Met bullets are different in a couple shots.
MORE PADDING as he dies and dies and dies and dies THIS ISN’T ENTERTAINING! Nobody likes watching someone die over and over again, that’s why I Wanna Be the Guy LP’s were the worst thing, and one of the many reasons DSP is terrible. I know it’s edited, but showing edits of dying in the same place over and over isn’t fun either. It’s not like the RE4 death montage where each death is different.

He gets past the platforms and says he’d hate to start this level over again. Let me guess, he dies and has to start over. YEP! A Picket Man hits him and falls down the pit. We get an “AW SHEE-IT” and cut to IG ripping up a Nintendo Power poster of The Lost Vikings. That was probably worth something you inconsiderate asshole, not in value but in love for that game.
He “realizes” he’s called Guts Man because he makes you want to punch him in the guts, rip out his intestines and strangle him to death with them. … He’s a fucking robot! He doesn’t have those! All he’s doing is complaining it’s hard… not that it’s any different from before.

4:29 - 5:13: He gets his power and returns to Ice Man’s stage (GO TO ELEC MAN) and sees it “doesn’t do anything”. You need to be next to a block, his thing is that he lifts block. Those blocks you walked in on when you fought Cut Man, you could use those to take out Cut Man with ease.
Then he cuts to him fighting Elec Man with the Rolling Cutter (so he does know!), then cuts to fighting Bomb Man with the Fire Storm, then back at Guts Man’s stage for some reason with the Hyper Bomb, which he tries to use on a Met (idiot…). He then gets upset that there’s a delay. … It’s a Bomb, of course there’s a delay. That’s the point.
He complains that even if you freeze someone with the Ice Slasher, they can still hurt you. He was walking through that enemy, not trying to jump or anything. Use common sense Chris!
For some reason he thinks he needs to be armed to the teeth to take on Fire Man’s level. Not really… Buster-only runs exist.
There’s a point where he blocks himself because he shot the Ice Slasher wrong.

5:13 - 6:42:  He beats all six, and unlocks Dr. Wily’s fortress.
“No Guts, no Cuts, no Dr. Wily Butts” … What? Oh, it’s meant to be a play on “No cuts, no buts, no coconuts”. What are you, 6?
He says you’ll need the combined powers of all the Robot Masters to get through, and lists how they’re used. I’ve gone through fine with just the Buster, saving my weapon energy for the bosses. He finally sees what the Super Arm is used for but still hates it because it’s only used a couple times.
By the way, HE FORGOT THE MAGNET BEAM! Yeah, his power list is missing a bar.
We then get a major “no shit” observation when he brings up the spikes. Not sure why he saved that until now, the entire game has spikes.

More about spikes, more about enemies, blah blah blah blah blah blah.
He dies again at one point and rips up a poster of Road Runner’s Death Valley Rally. This just seems like a waste. Oh then he pours salt on it and tries to eat it. I’d make a joke about “being salty”, but the acting is so bad that I can’t even call it “salt”.
More about the Wily stages being hard, how you have to fight the Robot Masters again, and the Copy Robot, which he dies to. I’m surprised he didn’t mention the Yellow Devil, considering how crazy difficult that boss is. I get the feeling Bores uses the Pause Trick.
After dying to the Copy Robot, we cut to him and… his jacket turns red and he starts speaking with a demon voice. If you’re trying to sound “Irate”, it’s not working. It’s just goofy and eye-rolling.

He finally gets to Wily, then just defeats him. What, no complaining about having a second form? I’m sure you could get another 30 seconds of padding from that.
He claims you “make him your bitch” because he bows after defeating. He’s begging for mercy Chris.
“Hang on, let me unzip my pants” … You are horrible! Urgh, and I thought the incest jokes about Mega Man & Roll were bad.
Over the credits, we see Rock running through the city and he claims it reminds him of something… and Doc Louis and Little Mac show up. REFERENCES!

“Now onto Mega Man 2” No!
Then he has memories of what he just played… let me guess, this is where he destroys it right? … Actually no, he just says he’s done and leaves. That’s surprising, not actually destroying the game. Is he finally realizing that destroying good games is making him look like a jackass? Then maybe you shouldn’t review good games in the first place!

That was horrifying.
I swear, the only point I heard was “it’s hard it’s hard it’s hard it’s hard”, just like the Kid Icarus review.
Okay, he did bring up the music ONCE but the whole time it’s just “it’s hard” and random references like the Hamburglar and the Pringles mascot (who is apparently named Julius Pringles if Wikipedia is anything to go by).
In fact, I’m pretty sure he faked half of that. It was so clear that he was playing bad on purpose? Why? What’s the point of doing that? Why do you want the world to think you suck?
What is the appeal? Who is this for? Kids that don’t know better? I really don’t understand.

Go play a Mega Man title, or wait for Mighty No. 9. Something to remind you that Mega Man is still excellent, even if Capcom hates him right now.

EDIT: As many of you in the comments have pointed out, there is some heavy Game Genie use in the second half of the video. Going back and checking, yeah it's everywhere.
He's jumping higher than normal, he's getting hit and NOT taking damage, and the sounds are kind of messed up (something that happens when using Game Genie on the first two Mega Mans). Some things never change with Bores do they?

EDIT 2: I didn't notice this before, but I see it now. It's likely Bores stole footage for the end of the game.
Everything past the first Wily Stage is in a slightly different quality. He's also taking damage despite having Game Genie on before. Could Chris not even get to the Yellow Devil? It would explain why he's never mentioned despite his infamy (and "not knowing" is not an excuse, he shows up Smash 4).