Minecraft Puppet Steve Part 3: A Tiny Glimmer in the 20 Foot Dumpster

In the last few days, Chris has uploaded a couple tech “reviews”. Again, more paid promotional crap. However, both videos started out with comments already disabled. Well, back to hold habits are we Chris? We are approaching your 10 year anniversary, might as well revisit the “glory days”, and that includes all blocking of criticism. The first video (about a fitness watch, like a cheap Fitbit) also had ratings disabled. The second video (which has a bunch of different items) has them enabled, and the fans don’t like it.
Also, one of the items is a Deus Ex art book. I didn’t know art books constituted as “tech”. Maybe it’s augmented? I doubt that’s the reason Chris included it, as that would mean knowing about that franchise, and the fact he mispronounces it as DOSE Ex instead of Deus Ex shows he knows nothing. Seriously Chris? Do you not know the term Deus Ex Machina? He really is hopeless.

Since that was a lot of nothing, here’s some more Minecraft Puppet Steve. Hoo boy…

Video #16: Pokemon Go Gameplay - Puppet Steve Plays (Training and Pokeball Capture) Pt. 1

You read that right, Chris Bores is going to talk about Pokemon. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

Video opens and Zombie Steve is distracted by… I know it’s intended to be a phone but that doesn’t look like any phone case I know of.
Steve notices he’s playing Pokemon Go, he wants to play, ZS says no, Steve beats him up and apparently bleeds Styrofoam, or is that meant to be dust like in a cartoon fight (as seen here). This bit makes no sense. Does Steve not have his own phone? He does realize the game is free right? There’s no reason to beat up ZS for it outside of “I have no joke, the punch line is violence”.

Steve gets up and now he’s wearing an Ash Ketchum hat. I think that’s the same one from one of those Box Wars videos. Also, Chris pronounces Pokemon like Weird Al does in the song he made for the second movie.
“So Pokemon is the new app” You mean Pokemon Go is the new app. Come on Chris don’t be lazy.
Mentions how you can pick between boy or girl. Just like the games. I’d say I’m surprised there’s no “confused Professor Oak” joke, but that would require him to actually know anything.
Mentions customization. “How cool” You’re way too easily impressed. Also, this was early on when customization was really limited so it’s barely cool.
“LET’S PLAY SOME POK-A-MON” Holy fuck you are annoying.
So he doesn’t use the green circles, but he does use the green arrows to point out obvious shit. In this case, the three Kanto starters.
He goes with Charmander, struggles to catch him. More like he’s not even trying.
It breaks free… so bored…
“Now stay in your booger!” … What?
“Now he wants to know my name? Heh, what a dork” … How is he a dork for wanting to know your name? Are you retarded Chris?
Anyway, he types in puppetsteve, all lower case. Just do Steve you hack.
He’s out on the map, brings up the Pokemon around him. He lists them as Caterpie, Weedle and… Donald Trump. Uggggggggggggggggggggggggh.
“I didn’t know he was a Pokemon” Burn the fucking puppet. For the record, that’s meant to be Shellder.

He tries to find Pokemon by barely moving across the table. Obviously they don’t show up. Then he realizes you have to go outside. Oh no, now people will see the asshole that sticks his hand in my asshole.
He sees a nearby gym, but of course he’s not allowed as he’s only Level 1 not 5. Then it ends.

But wait, there’s more.

Video #17: Pokemon Go Gameplay - Driving Hack Gameplay (Training Battle Pokeball Capture) Pt. 2

Not liking that title…
This is also the longest video on his channel. 4 minutes.

We open on something completely different. Steve and ZS in a car. Which has a green screen road.
They’re driving around to play Pokemon Go. *sighs*
“Why waste your time walking around where you can smack into trees when we can just drive around” Where do I start? Driving while playing this game is frowned upon, it’s not against the rules, but it misses the point. You’re supposed to walk or bike like a trainer in the original games. That’s the whole idea. Evidence that Chris has no idea what Pokemon is like. Plus, walking provides exercise.
There’s a bit where he slams into a tree, forgetting that every time you open the game, it warns you to keep aware of your surroundings. I know there are some real morons that ignore it, but it’s there for a reason.

Apparently Zombie Steve is a terrible driver, but he doesn’t care because he needs to find his POLKEYMOOON. Can you say it normally? Just once? So annoying.
“Kepture” Yep, it’s Chris.
Then we get stock footage of a real collision to show ZS is a bad driver. Really charming Chris, doing that for a “joke” is so classy.
He runs across a Rattata, which he pronounces as “Ratta-Tatta”. I think I need a drink.
He catches it, and they move on. They find another Pokemon, and some more real life crash footage. This is in really bad taste. Like holy shit. At least use movies if you want to make this joke.
He comes across a Weedle. “What a tough Pokemon” … You are being sarcastic right? “Level 10!” Those are Combat Points (CP) not levels.
“This is my favorite Pokemon ever!” … Really?
Oh it’s a joke because he finds a CP14 Weedle. Yawn…
He mentions how driving is so useful. You’re not supposed do it while driving that misses the point.
He complains that he isn’t encountering anything, nothing for 10 minutes, runs into another Weedle, then runs into an Eevee. “Nothing is cooler than that” … Really?
Oh it’s another joke because he runs into a stronger Eevee. “Power level 25” It says ???, where did you get 25 from?
“A power 25 Eevee! The other one’s stupid now! Ack ack ack!” God you’re annoying…

He brings up Pokestops, showing the TMCC Community Center. Looking that up, that is the Toledo Muslim Community Center. Nice job giving away your location “Steve”. You’re totally not the Irate Gamer who also happens to live in Toledo.
He gets an egg from the stop. “I’m going to make me an omelette” Get the fuck out! No! Don’t cook the Pokemon!
He finds another Weedle, this one is stronger, I don’t care…
He gets to Level 4, and thinks he’s ready for the gym. Uhhh Level 5. Did you not pay attention?
He tells ZS to go to the gym, and we get one last bit of real car accident footage. You’re an asshole Chris.

These videos told us nothing about Pokemon Go. Just shows what a lazy twat Chris is, preferring to drive instead of properly playing the game walking. I mean come on!

Video #18: Pokemon Go SONG - LEVEL UP Puppet Steve! Gameplay and Fun

This is something completely different. It’s a music video with a song made by Minecraft Jams, another channel that’s part of the same network as Puppet Steve (and apparently Irate Gamer is part of that network now, that’s not suspect at all). There’s not much to say, half of it is footage from the last two videos, and half of it is clearly not Chris’ footage. It’s too good or has Pokemon too powerful. Chris is the king of half-assing things so I doubt he went this far.
Actually I think he did do a gym, as there’s footage of him challenging a gym at the Toledo library.
The song itself is okay, it’s certainly leagues ahead of “I PLAY POKEMON GO EVERYDAY! I PLAY POKEMON GO!”

Video #19: Teen Titans GO! Deluxe Six Pack Action Figures Set Unboxing Review - Puppet Steve

Oh fuck this show. I’ll admit I wasn’t the biggest fan of the original Teen Titans cartoon. Granted I haven’t seen it in years so it’s probably better than I remember it being. I just recall not being a fan of the faux-anime aesthetic. This show though, good lord. The characters are annoying, not funny, and the fact the writing staff is incapable of taking criticism that they’ve had to make multiple episodes calling out critics with the tired “It’s for kids” excuse, tells me this crap is not worth it. Why even have Weird Al play Darkseid? That’s not even funny.

Anyway, let’s see how Chris handles this.
“Teen Titans Go? Where are they going, to the bathroom? Ack ack ack! Ack ack ack!” Where’s my drink…
At least Zombie Steve doesn’t approve, delivering a stern “No!” Respect slightly gained.
“Let’s just open this and… Go! Ha!” Don’t laugh at your own jokes Chris.
He shows Robin, says he likes him because he’s the leader and he’s “cool”. Not in this show. Then some more egotism as Steve claims nobody is cooler than him while he wears sunglasses. Nope, can’t deal with it…
He shows Beast Boy, mentions how he’s the funny one, wants him to do something funny. IT’S A TOY! It then falls over and Steve wonders if that’s supposed to be funny. ZS is the voice of reason again and tells him “No”
Then Starfire, Steve calls her cute. She’s like half your age dude.
Oh wait he backspaces on that and says she has cooties. OH MY GOD! Are cooties really still a thing? Chris is showing his age. I guess this is the second clue that Steve is supposed to be a kid? The first was when he said his mom won’t take him to Sausage Party, but honestly I can’t tell. Is Zombie Steve older since he can drive? I’m so confused, your show makes no sense Chris. Why are you so bad at writing?

Then he shows Cyborg, and wonders what he can do. He uses special effects to make him fly. Something he can’t do in the show or the comics or anywhere else. Cyborg doesn’t fly! Some comic book fan you are.
Onto Raven. Or “Waven” as he says it. Are you doing that crap on purpose Chris?
Then a stupid bit where she teleports all over the place. What’s the joke?
Ending on Silkie. A character from the previous series that was given a bigger role here apparently.
Steve calls him little, Silkie acts offended, and then he gets crushed by a bigger Silkie. Enough with the fucking things falling on you! It’s not funny! It’s never funny! It never will be funny!

Then a really fucking stupid bit where Steve tries to ask Starfire on a date. Not enough tables to flip…

Video #20: Teen Titans Go! T-Tower Playset Action Figures Unboxing Review - Puppet Steve

Greaaat, more TTG.

He’s going to look at Titans Tower playset. Steve wants his own Puppet Steve Tower. Even Zombie Steve thinks that’s stupid. More egotism from Steve as he declares himself the coolest. Why the egotism? Just why?
He takes it out, wonders if there’s more, finds pieces, complains about it putting it together. Oh grow up.
He finds the instructions, looks at them upside-down. God damn it, are we doing this joke again? I guess Steve is just retarded as Marty. He also says they’re in “Chinese or something”, and after saying that a gong plays. Top notch stereotyping there Chris.
ZS yells at him that it’s upside-down. So wait, is ZS supposed to be the smart one or the stupid one? You need character consistency Chris! How are you so bad at this?

He puts pieces on the tower, including a rocket launcher. ZS presses it and it fires into Steve. Yarp…
He shows the Cyborg figure it comes with, he doesn’t like the face, and then he & ZS make the same face with “dun dun dun” music, and then he puts him in jail for making the face. Ugggggh this is stupid. What kids can enjoy this? *looks in comments* 11 year old kid that says he enjoys it even though he knows it’s for little kids. YOU ARE A LITTLE KID!
He goes over the parts that move, the trap door that makes sounds, this is the closest one of these videos has come to being a review. Holy shit
Then he brings up that getting the six-pack from the last video is almost a requirement because you only get Cyborg in this playset. Then a stupid bit where ZS somehow doesn’t remember reviewing that.
“We reviewed it yesterday!” Really? *this video posted August 1st* *last video posted July 27th* LIAR! Chris is bad with time again…
Then another cringy as fuck bit where Steve tries to ask Starfire on a date again, and Robin interrupts. Stop it Chris. Just stop it.
Then it ends with ZS somehow setting off the trap door alarm on it and it keeps going. Meh…

Video #21: Ghostbusters Metals Die Cast Action Figures Slimer Unboxing Review Movie

This was the most recent video at the time when I learned about the channel.
So yeah, Ghostbusters. This video was posted about a month after the new movie.

Steve does the “who are you gonna call” bit and Zombie Steve answers “Iron Man?” Back to being the stupid one…
Shows the figures. “They’re not in the new movie, but they’re in the old one” Weird phrasing, you could have just said “from the original”
First he shows Ray. Says he’s cool, and made of metal. ZS tries to eat him but hurts his mouth. Steve laughs at him. I roll my eyes.
Then he shows Egon. “Here’s another great looking figure that looks great all around” Dat redundancy.
He insults Egon, calling him a dork (and yet he’s the smartest member of the team), then calls the Creeper a dork. One’s going to come in and blow up you’re too fucking predictable. Oh what a shock that happened. If kids can see the jokes coming, you’re doing a bad job!

“Next we have Winston Zeddemore, oOoOoO” Why the “oOoOoO”?
Says it’s great… you’re really bad at this “review” thing.
ZS tries to eat one again. My head hurts.
Shows off Peter, which comes with Slimer. Music from the movie starts playing (I smell copyright flag).
He mentions how Peter has green on him because he’s been slimed.
“He’s been slimed by Slimer. I wonder if it’s bad as getting creeped by a Creeper?” Is that what getting blown up is called? Pretty sure that’s just called “getting blown up” Oh and surprise a Creeper blows him up even when he tries the “you wouldn’t hurt a guy with glasses” trick. Somehow Steve has magic powers because the glasses just appear on his face. EFFORT!

There’s also a Stay Puft figure he doesn’t have. So his slave Enderman gets it. I just realized he’s treating a black-colored creature as a slave. Smoooooooth.
“And boy is he one big heavy monstrous figure!” That’s nothing! Come back when you’ve got Fortress Maximus or Metroplex.
“He’s so big that his arms and his head moves around Exorcist style” Exorcist references, for kids! You’re a moron Chris.
“With all these ghosts around there’s only one person to call for help” One person? ZS guesses Batman, but Steve yells at him that it’s the Ghostbusters. The Ghostbusters aren’t one person. I know you want to be a one person Ghostbuster in real life, but you have to accept that ghosts aren’t real Chris. Your book is a sham. Your job at the art center is a sham. Everything about your ghost hunting career is a sham. That’s probably why you never bring it up these days.

The theme starts playing too. Less than 0% chance this can be on a DVD.
Steve brings up the new movie with “girl Ghostbusters”.
“But we don’t need action figures of them, we just need action figures of the guys because guys are cool” This is probably the closest we’ll get to his thoughts on the new movie. Some really weird sexism. I guess…
I think it was more to set up a new character. Puppet Alex. For those unaware, Alex is the other default skin in Minecraft, for female characters.
Something about Alex’s voice is oddly high-pitched… I’m sure it’s a glitch or something.
Steve yells at her that this is a “boy’s show”. Come the fuck on Chris! Don’t do this.
Apparently Zombie Steve let her in. Whatever…

Video #22: LEGO BATMAN, Puppet Steve / Zombie Staring Contest

Steve and ZS have a staring contest. … That’s it.
Then Lego Batman shows up to tell them they don’t have eyelids. You know, puppets are funnier when they’re treated as regular people, and not as puppets. Jokes about how puppets are different from humans aren’t as funny. Bringing up they don’t have eyelids isn’t really a joke.

This was pointless. Why give Lego Batman top billing? Oh right, terrible disgusting click bait. Gawker would love you if they weren’t deader than the WCW.

Video #23: Monster High Minis Series 1 3-Pack Figures Set Unboxing Review Mattel, Puppet Alex

Monster High? *looks it up* I see… It’s a line of girl’s toys from Mattel that feature the teenage daughters of famous movie monsters. Like Frankie Stein, the daughter of the Frankenstein Monster, Cleo de Nile, the daughter of the Mummy, and Draculaura, the daughter of Dracula. Does she have a brother named Alucard?
I got all this briefly looking at Wikipedia. Soooo what’s Chris going to do about this?

So Steve gets angry that he’s looking at Monster High and he can’t review girls toys. Why not?
Then Alex shows up. Her voice is still weirdly hig- … this is a little girl isn’t it? Likely one of Chris’ step-daughters. Oh god, child actors. As if this couldn’t get worse.
So is his step-daughter going to write the script or is Chris still in charge?

She lists some of the figures. Compares one to Elsa from Frozen. You know, I’d feel like a complete asshole if I mock her…
Oh wait, here comes Steve to interrupt. Now I can snark.
Oh, he just compares one of them to Coraline because she has button eyes. Meh…
Alex pulls out a checklist, notes that they also list the rarity. Blue skull = Common, yellow skull = Uncommon, but before she can say red skull = Rare, Steve interrupts to reference Captain America. Alex yells at him. Wow, she’s actually taking this seriously. More than Chris does at least.
She lists some more figures, but then a loud plastic sound overpowers her voice. Should have fixed that up Chris!
More figures. “I think the Ghostly Ghouls are ghosts” Yeah they are sweetie. It’s kind of in their name.
But then Steve interrupts again with Ghostbusters figures. “STEVE LEAVE ME ALONE” Wow, that actually sounded genuine.

Alex gives her final thoughts, her favorites, Steve annoyingly interrupts with the Duck Hunt Dog amiibo, and that’s about it.

… Wow, this is close to being the best video on the channel. We should have more Puppet Alex, Chris’ stepdaughter sounds way more into it than Chris ever does. I mean, she actually sounds like a Monster High fan, where Chris never sounds like a fan of the stuff he’s looked at before. Did she write half the script? At least the parts that weren’t stupid jokes. I imagine that by saying this, I am pissing off Chris to no end since his ego can’t stand being overshadowed. Like whenever I praised the Wise Sage. Admit it Chris, you’re not cut out for acting and writing, stay behind in editing.

Video #24: Ghostbusters Supply Tin (Walmart) Lunchbox/ Pencil Case Slimer Unboxing Back to School Movie

And we’re back to full Puppet Steve. It was fun while it lasted Alex.
More Ghostbusters.
A “back to school” item. Yeah I don’t think parents are watching since they’re the ones that buy “back to school” items. If they were, they would shut this off and tell their kids not to watch this crap.
It’s a tin case. It can either hold pencils or your lunch. Steve puts in a box of sliced ham, some cheese slices, a box of blue cheese, and a massive jar of pimento olives. “That’s a big lunch!” What’s the joke?
“I’ll pack me some marshmallows” As he puts a Stay Puft figure in. … You’re not funny!
ZS packed kidney beans, and Steve complains he’ll be farting. Yawn…

So the tin case comes with codes to get digital downloads of the original movie and the Real Ghostbusters cartoon. Steve tries to download it, but a fake error message appears saying it’s been used. Zombie Steve took the codes. Just use his laptop then. Aren’t you room mates or something? I don’t know…
You can store Ghostbusters figures too or something.
Then Slimer appears. Whatever it’s over.

Well, that’s quite a lot of videos. Looking ahead there’s more Skylanders, DuckTales, more FNAF, another Puppet Alex video (here’s hoping it keeps up), and something with Deathstroke that is just so… so… soooooooooooooo bad.