How to make cereal immensely cringey

You want to know another reason why I’ve taken so long to get to this? The video is 15 minutes long, and I just didn’t feel like spending the time to listen to him gush about an old cereal for that amount of time. What’s even the point?

 

Let’s get this over with.

 

Before releasing the video, Chris promised a “new intro”. That was a lie. The intro is just the Irate Gamer logo with an explosion, which he has been using for years now. All he did was remove the theme song. Not sure why that’s worth bragging about.

 

The episode itself opens with IG playing DuckTales and going “Boy I’m hungry, time for some breakfast” and tries to pour himself the crusty old TMNT cereal, only to be all out. He claims he’s been out of it since 1991 (I know it’s an attempt a joke, but didn’t he have some in 2011 and found it disgusting?) Then he let’s out a “Face it! Breakfast is ruined!” Too little too late to try and turn that into a meme Chris. Other people already co-opted it YEARS ago.

 

Then a hand puts a box of Nintendo Cereal System on his Arcade 1UP TMNT machine with a Zelda sound. “Breakfast is saved!” he shouts. No… no… that’s even worse. Chris, it won’t work. Just give it up.

 

Ooooh I see now. The intro wasn’t for Irate Gamer, it was for I Rate the 80’s. A neon logo on a neon triangle while generic synth plays. Cool? Eeeh… Why not use this show to talk about historical events from the 80’s? Nobody cares about old toys or food you had.

 

We then see his set, which is a background of toys and memorabilia featuring shit from the 80’s. Except this set already fails because I see several things from the 90’s! Ren & Stimpy, Mortal Kombat, Spawn, Superman #75 (the famous issue where he dies). You couldn’t find enough 80’s tat to fill out your shelf? Anyway, what is he saying?

 

“When this cereal box was released in cereal shelves everywhere” Wow… couldn’t do another take of that huh? First line and I already don’t care.

“It was just a recipe for win” Why does Chris come off like a boomer so much?

 

So, he starts to gush about the box. I mean it, he calls it “one of the coolest boxes to ever grace breakfast for gamers”. Also calling it “iconic” but only for those who remember it. Then that doesn’t make it iconic does it?

 

Then he does some list padding, showing various licensed cereals like Smurfs, Batman, Ghostbusters, Cabbage Patch Kids, and then he ends it on Urkel-Os. Which isn’t a joke by the way, that was an actual cereal with a commercial and everything. Even got referenced on The Simpsons (Season 14’s Helter Shelter).

But then IG interrupts with an incredulous “That’s real?” But then he still makes a mistake by calling Urkel the “I didn’t do it” kid. That’s not his catchphrase, his catchphrase was an annoying “Did I do thaaaaat?” Did you get your wires crossed with that one episode of The Simpsons where Bart gets famous saying “I didn’t do it”? Wouldn’t be the first time he’s done this… remember when he called Bruce Banner “Rex Banner”?

He claims he doesn’t even remember Urkel-O’s and wants to move on before it turns into an “Irate Family Matters rant”. Does Chris not like Family Matters?

 

He brings up how Super Mario Bros and The Legend of Zelda are household names “by 1989”. Implying the cereal came out that year. It came out in 1988. Oops! He also holds up a Super Mario Bros 3 toy when mentioning Nintendo merchandising. The game that came out after this cereal did. Did you do any research into this?

Then when he mentions going into breakfast cereal, he shows four other boxes he has. Only one is actually legitimate and not a gag cereal (the reissued Fruity Yummy Mummy). You couldn’t go to the store to get some actual cereal? Instead you give us Garbage Pail Kids cereal, Funko Pop Slimer cereal, and Rick & Morty Strawberry Smiggles. At least get cereal that existed in the 80’s! You don’t have to get the original boxes, but at least be consistent. A clear recycling of his Puppet Steve content.

 

“That spring” Yep… he thinks it came out in 1989.

“… video game epicness to a whole ‘nother level!” As he says that, a special effect of lightning is shown. Chris, you can’t hide behind your effects anymore. That was only impressive in 2007, now it’s just lame.

After a comment about the “Cereal System” name, he mentions that it was produced by Ralston, the same company that made the TMNT cereal. In which he says “… that I reviewed a couple years ago”. A couple? In what reality is nine years just “a couple”? Holy shit, Chris REALLY doesn’t understand how time works.

 

He then notes how he didn’t notice as a kid that Ralston was “owned” by Purina, the dog food company. With stock dog sound effects. They didn’t “own” Ralston, their full name was Ralston-Purina. They no longer exist, having been split off into a merger with Nestle and a new company called Ralcorp. Just saying.

 

Once again calls the box “ICONIC”. Then he starts describing it, and how “cool” it is that it has two separate flaps. I guess this is how we’re getting to 15 minutes.

More pointless Zelda sounds…

Blah blah blah, it was cool to have two different cereal…

 

“Released in April of 1989” Nope! 1988! Why does he keep getting it wrong?

He brings up the price of $2.50, and comments that branded cereals were little more expensive. That makes sense, these are licensed products, and they want to pay the company they licensed it from. I imagine Ralston-Purina upcharged so Nintendo could get a kickback.

Then he brings up an old newspaper article (while showing a tiny paper that’s obviously recent going by the Mercedes Benz ad on the back) with a woman complaining about the price of cereal getting up to $3. Honestly, I’m surprised it hasn’t changed much in the 30 something years since, especially with inflation.

Oh god, he’s doing a “dramatic reading” with a high-pitched Mrs. Doubtfire voice. How is he getting worse?

 

Then he brings up how finding just the empty box of Nintendo Cereal will cost you $300 on eBay, and then wonders how that mark-up could happen because the cereal was everywhere, it was in every grocery store. … Does Chris know what year it is? Does he not understand the concept of a limited time brand deal? Does he not understand that the more limited and sought after something is, the higher the value will go? This is a cereal that was only around for a year, 1988-89. Of course it’s going to be valuable on secondary markets!

Then he makes a joke telling the article writer to buy some “Lucky Beans” and finding an old advertisement selling them 3 for $1. Those are Lucks Pork & Beans not Lucky Beans. Are you illiterate Chris?

 

Says “ICONIC” again. We get it! The fact that he says it’s iconic three times in five minutes shows just how little content he really has.

He then pours the Mario cereal. He calls it “epic”. I think I just cringed so hard my eyelids broke. Seriously, how the hell is cereal “epic”?

He calls it that because it has three different colors. Really stretching there.

“Each cereal had their own cereal shapes…” Cereal cereal cereal cereal cereal

Calls the Koopa Troopas turtles again… whatever…

Brings up the Zelda cereal and how that’s in different colors and shapes…

Claims it was an instant hit and “knocked all their competitors off their pedestals”, which he represents with all his cereal boxes from early falling over with a fake explosion effect. Fairly sure the Nintendo cereal didn’t compete with any of those (except Fruity Yummy Mummy). That’s why I said to get cereal that was actually around in the 80’s!

Then Urkel shows up to say his catchphrase WAIT HOLD ON! Earlier in the video you got it wrong, and yet here you are playing a clip of him saying “Did I do that”. You couldn’t do another take of your earlier joke?!

 

We’re only six minutes in.

He shows a newspaper article from St. Louis showing how the branded cereal was popular.

He then attributes the cereal’s success to a commercial they ran with a catchy jingle. Then he shows it. This is the best part of the video.

“Talk about an anthem of a generation” … I know it’s meant to be a joke, but it kind of feels like a line that could be used in a story about the horrors of capitalism. Where kids grow up only knowing commercial jingles and how to not save money.

“You just say those three words in that cadence” Three? Nintendo is just one word. Even when you say it as “Nin-Ten-Do”, it’s still one word. You’re only furthering my argument that you’re illiterate.

He says the people that made the commercial must have been acid to think of “Kids with TVs on their heads”. Eh, I’ve seen way weirder commercials. This isn’t that out there.

Then… he takes a bite. No reaction either. No comment on if it’s good, or if it’s spoiled? I can’t imagine 31-year-old cereal is still edible.

 

He then claims the cereal was around for three years. Really? I’m reading only one year. Where did you get three? Or is that your memory telling you it was three?

He goes over the different box arts the cereal had. Including a “ho-logram” one (he pronounces hologram incorrectly). He also admits he cut out the picture and hung it on his wall. Yeah, I don’t believe that.

He brings up how this cereal had prizes too. In this case, Iron-On Transfers of Mario and Link, but they didn’t really work. Then a dumb cutaway that shows him attempting to iron something into his shirt, and then giving a crooked jaw growl when he doesn’t. Humor?

Goes over more prizes, notes how a lot of them are rare and super expensive. With a t-shirt going over $1000 and a pinball game going over $2,500. Then he growls again because he had one. I’m sure you make that much when you shill some shitty baby toy on Puppet Steve.

 

He also has an old card that gives tips, one for “Small Fire Mario”. Then we watch him perform it, and he gets mad that he never knew about it, claiming to have played the game for “500,000 hours”. Gee, that feels like something you should research. In fact, it’s on GameFAQs for everyone to see now. Then he ends this bit with NBC’s “The More You Know” logo, which he gets mad at. I guess we’re in the boring part of the video.

 

Then he shows another newspaper article about how “later boxes” included the tip hotline. Though he says this happened in 1991. Did it? Because I’m reading this was discontinued in 1989. I don’t think there’s enough actual info on this. I don’t blame them though, who cares enough about this shit?

Then he says to check out this “interesting an-tec-dote”. Yes, he pronounces anecdote wrong. If you’re curious, the writer saw a kid get a game over and cuss out the game. IG makes a comment that it’s him. Hur hur hur.

 

Then he brings up the collectable cards on the back. He shows them while pasting pictures of them to other cereal boxes. It’s pretty obvious they’re other boxes too and he didn’t drop a fortune just to get these.

Then he cuts out the cards, obviously these are pictures so… nothing of value was lost.

Then… a fucking Ronnie sketch. Is Ronnie wearing a towel on his head? They just… pick out cards from the pile. With Ronnie getting good characters like Link and Princess Toadstool (though they call her Peach) and IG getting the Old Man and Old Woman from Zelda and getting mad about it. Sooooo bored.

 

He comments that Nintendo advertises other products on the box, like Nintendo Power, the Power Pad, the Game & Watch, and a three-minute cassette tape from Nintendo Power that provides tricks. Then we get a long segment where pulls out a speaker and listens to it (audio likely taken from YouTube). The narrator starts with Ikari Warriors, but IG doesn’t have it. Then Adventure Island, but IG doesn’t have it. Surprising since I don’t think they’re particularly rare. Then again, he did sell a lot of his collection.

Then the narrator brings up Gradius, IG calls out the pronunciation (HA) then wonders who would have that game. A lot of people you asshole. It’s a great game! You wouldn’t know a good game if it sat on your face.

Then the YouTube aud- I mean the tape starts skipping and he shoots his speaker multiple times with the Zapper. Seems like a waste of a speaker.

Then he looks up the tape on eBay and finds it for $4,000. Okay, I had to look this up myself. I couldn’t find any listings. Is there a listing for this that’s four grand and it’s hard to find, or did Chris edit this?

 

To symbolize the cereal getting discontinued, he knocks off the table. Only for the Duck Hunt Dog to pick it up like it’s a duck. Not funny!

Then…. Oh god. He does his own version of the commercial jingle. But it’s not just the commercial, no he adds his own verses to it. My god the cringe is beyond compare. There are points where he puts himself in the commercial, and he looks so damn stupid doing it.

It just goes on and on and on and on! This feels like he’s trying to reach out to some TV producer like “PUT ME ON TV! ME FUNNY!” Except it’s not… it’s just astonishingly lame.

 

And that’s how the video ends. He also puts in some more “Breakfast is Ruined/Saved”.

 

….. Holy shit! I went into this thinking it was just going to be boring. But it was waaaay worse than I thought! His other two comeback videos were just dull, but this was aggressively bad. Did Chris even get this proofread? Someone to tell him “This is terrible, nobody will want to see this”. Apparently not because he made it! He posted it!

For a "review", he didn't actually review it. Is it good? Does it taste like you remember 30 years ago? Is it still edible? Did it poison you? How does it compare to similar cereals like Froot Loops and Fruity Pebbles? Is it loaded with sugar? Is it healthy? There's so many questions he didn't bother to answer.

 

And the people don’t really want it. Seems all the good will he built from his AVGN “crossover” has evaporated as this video saw a MASSIVE drop in views. The Dick Tracy video is over a month old, but it has over 200k views. This video only has 28k views. Talk about wasting an opportunity. “Wow, my crossover with James did so well! It’s my first video to break 200k views in five years. How should I follow up on that? I know! I’ll make a video about something only I care about! I’m a genius!”

 

You see how that’s a problem Chris? Old cereal is a super niche topic. I know it’s something most people eat, but nobody really wants to watch a video on it. Unless it’s a historical documentary on how The Kellogg Company became a food empire. At least that could be interesting. Nobody wants to hear you gush about some old limited cereal that’s only vaguely connected to you because video games.

 

What nonsense will he follow up with? Well, he is doing more Ghost Doctor garbage. We’ll see what happens there. Stay safe everyone.