Don't Watch This After Midnight. It's Really Boring...

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? That’s because Chris hasn’t submitted anything worth a damn.
The last three videos were all compilations of old videos. Season 2, Season 3, and then Season 1 again. Even though he already did a Season 1 compilation last August.
Interesting to note, Chris complained that these videos weren’t getting views and brought up his hesitance to continue IG. Does he not realize that compilations of old content will never do as well as new content? Plus, the videos are over an hour long, people are less likely to click on videos that long unless they’ve proven themselves (and you certainly haven’t Chris).

Oh, and he posted a new Ghost Doctor that he claimed was the clearest evidence of spooks ever recorded. I didn’t watch the whole thing because fuck that noise, but I did look through the comments and someone timestamped what they claimed was a “hand”. I looked at it myself, and it looked more like the reflection of a car’s headlight. Not helped in that the “hand” showed up in a window. Is Chris serious with this shit? I would think it’s a parody of Ghost Hunters if not for how much time and money he has invested into this crap.

Anyway, the new video. It’s about Gremlins, the movie duology from the 80’s that mostly gets brought up by people that can’t stop talking about the 80’s. It got some games. Frankly, not enough to result in a 26-minute 33-second-long video. Oh, but this is special because he got Zach Galligan, the star of the original movies. Why yes, Mr. Galligan does have a Cameo.com account. For $39.99 you can buy a video clip from him. Probably the most affordable cameo Chris has paid for.
The title indicates he’ll be looking at games on NES, Atari, Game Boy Advance, and Commodore 64. Oh hey, an old computer game. He does know they exist. How about that.

Buckle up everyone, I get the feeling this will hurt.

The video opens on stock footage meant to represent “Downtown ChinaTown”. Redundant. I haven’t seen Gremlins in ages, so I don’t know if it’s footage from that movie. We cut to IG in a “shop” (clearly his basement) looking at what they have.
Turns out the shop is run by the Sage Elder from the stupid movie. Probably the closest he could think of to match Mr. Wing. And yes, Bores reprises his role. I know there’s still the threat of COVID, but things are getting better now. Though Chris does seem like the type to avoid getting the vaccine.

IG says he wants something different, something that “sucks but doesn’t suck too much”. Does that describe the Gremlins games? I know people like the second. Also, that’s a really weird line.
Sage Elder opens a box and reveals Gremlins on Atari 2600 and Gremlins 2 on NES. He then says these aren’t “ordinary games” and to take the advice of an “expert”. Cue our Zach Galligan cameo!
It’s a simple recording of Zach telling Irate Gamer to review the games, but don’t play them after midnight. You know, like the movie. If you’re asking what “defines “after midnight”, then the sequel beat you to the punch. They made fun of that part too.
“Let’s do this, the Gremlins games” and after he says that he grimaces to the camera. That doesn’t make you look angry; it makes you look stupid.

Theme song, but this time something’s different. It’s animated! It starts with a pixelated Irate Gamer falling into Duck Hunt (god what is his obsession with that game), smacking the dog, firing a laser into the air from his fist (incredible how his “power” never looked that in the show), then he runs right and punches some Koopa Troopas. If you were expecting smooth animation, this isn’t the place because it gets janky. IG ends up in Super Mario Bros. 2 and punches some Shy Guys, then runs into the ED-209 and blows it up with a fireball. Then he runs across an original rooftop with an IG billboard, a Chris Neo billboard, a third billboard I can’t make out and “Mecha Irate Gamer” (oh god is this the same guy?) and he goes into a building with Mario sounds.
Then he runs into Abobo from Double Dragon (which Chris has never covered so… odd inclusion), punches him, a bunch of TMNT Foot soldiers show up, then the Ecto-1 runs over Abobo with a TERRIBLE blood effect (someone needs lessons from Roger Barr and poxpower). IG gets in the car and drives off into Dick Tracy. Then we get a view inside as IG sits next to some Gremlins. All while an 8-bit rendition of Blind Pass plays. It is all so… dreadfully amateur.

Reading the description, the opening was made by Eli Bruner, who was the same guy that made the Mecha Irate Gamer art from the Godzilla video. Chris, can’t you shell out the money for a pixel artist that doesn’t look like he’s operating on Windows Vista? Someone that can make it smooth and actually look like a game. Not this janky shit.

But first, a “sponsorship”. This one for a documentary about Garry Kitchen, the developer behind *checks notes* Space Jockey, the Atari port of Donkey Kong, two of the Simpsons games on NES, and Home Alone on SNES. Is that guy really worth a film? I can think of like ten developers more deserving of one. It’s produced by Carlos William Gonzalez. … Where have I heard that name? *looks up past posts* That’s right, it’s the guy that IG hit with a cartridge in the Ghouls N’ Ghosts video, who also helped with production. Is Bores trying to form his own (even worse) Channel Awesome? Sidenote, but I don’t really watch anyone from Channel Awesome now. Sometimes Cinema Snob. Everyone else has gotten too annoying or boring.

We cut to copyrighted footage as IG explains the movie. You’re right Chris, I should be watching Gremlins instead.
Not much to it, he just describes stuff that happens. The three rules too.
He makes a bad “Clean up on aisle 7” joke when one of the gremlins dies.
He then claims the movie’s success came from “mixing up genres” as it has comedy, action, family (that’s not a genre), horror, even claiming it could have been pure horror if not for scenes like the gremlins caroling. “Talk about an instant classic”. I don’t think “mixing up different genres” is why it succeeded. It was likely a combination of good marketing, good reviews, good word of mouth, and kids wanting to see something gruesome before the PG-13 rating was created (look it up).

IG then makes a comment about how seeing Gremlins makes him feel like a kid again. That kind of nostalgia is dangerous Chris.
He brings up the part where Mrs. Deagle is thrown out the window but says she “exploded out the window”. What? You could have gone with “burst out” or “thrown” or “tossed”, but exploded? That’s just baffling.
The movie was a box office hit, toys shirts and games were made. He starts with Gremlins on the Atari 2600. He puts it next to a Gizmo toy that hugs the cartridge because “LOOK AT MUH TOYS”.

He praises the title screen, goes over the game, criticizes the appearance of Billy, notes how you need to catch the mogwai before they eat the burgers. He calls it “heavy shit”. Uhh no. No mention that it’s just like Kaboom?
Then for no reason he brings up BurgerTime. You cannot meme BurgerTime into Smash Bros. You’re literally the only person that cares.
If all the mogwai get the burgers, they hatch into gremlins and you fight them off a/la Space Invaders.
Then it all repeats, and he says this was the formula to the video game crash of 1983. Even though it came out in 1984. There were multiple factors to the crash, and it only effected console gaming in America. Arcades, computers, and Japanese consoles were still fine.

He claims that online game reviewers have been bashing this game the last couple years. Which ones? Give us names Chris. They were more likely criticizing the game of being derivative of other games from the time (like Kaboom and Space Invaders).
He claims to have played this back when it came out and thought it was enjoyable. How the level design is better than E.T. What level design? It’s literally two flat plains. Also, bringing up E.T. is a bad argument. It’s like trying to compare a mediocre animated movie to The Emoji Movie, there’s no reason for it.

IG brings up how there was also an Atari 5200 version in development that was meant to come out at the same time, but it was delayed to 1986 and ended up being the last game released on the 5200. Basically, stuff you find on Wikipedia.
Also, this line. “And finding versions of both these games are super hard to find these days” Smoooth writing Chris. Also, a random Gizmo toy because “fuck you”.
By the way, Chris clearly doesn’t have the 5200 game. It’s only represented by a floating image. Wow, you can do that.

He claims that if you liked the 2600 version, you’d like the 5200 version, as he starts playing an emulated version.
The 5200 version is an action game where you cut down gremlins with a sword. He says the graphics are so good that it could pass as an early NES game. … Not really? It definitely looks like it doesn’t belong.
He goes over the game, wrangling mogwai, slicing gremlins, not much to it. Says it’s the best game from the Atari age.

IG looks at his Kool-Aid watch because “LOOK AT MY STUFF” to see there’s still time to review Gremlins 2.
Before the game though, he has to talk about the movie. Cue the copyrighted footage!
He gushes about the movie, how it had more comedy, how it really appealed to kids because “multiple gremlin types”, he lists some of them. He gushes about the Bat Gremlin and how there’s Batman references and how kids were crazy about Batman and I don’t care.
He notes the game was made by Sunsoft, and how they had a spotty track record with great games like Batman and bad games like Fester’s Quest. At least it’s not Atlantis no Nazo.

He looks at the title screen and compares the gremlin wearing a hat to Funky Kong from DKC. Can’t find who that’s really supposed to be…
He praises the cutscene, and praises that Billy looks like he does in the movie and way better than the Atari version. An NES game has better graphics than a 2600 game? Alert the media!
Anyway, Gizmo shoots tomatoes, there’s tomato enemies, they drop crystals which can be used in the shop. He likes it because there’s a “cool old Chinese guy”. You mean Mr. Wing? From the movie?
He notes the three items for sale, including a Gizmo doll that gives extra lives. He calls it cute, and a poorly edited word balloon saying “Fuck you” appears. That’s not a joke Chris!

Then… something stupid.
He claims that if you enter the Konami code in the shop, you can access the hidden Frogurt. What?
Then he plays the Frogurt scene from The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror III because it’s a parody of Gremlins. He then claims that doesn’t happen, but he HAD to mention that scene. No you didn’t! You could have gone the whole video without bringing up the parody!

He praises the music, has a bit where he listens to it.
Then he notes that the game gets harder the further you go. Why are you still complaining about that? You should realize that older games tend to get tougher the further you get.
While the game does look tough in places, it’s pretty obvious he’s dying on purpose. Including a death montage where he seems to intentionally walk into the pit.
He goes on and on about how hard it is, makes a really long analogy about getting caught in a pool, complains about Stage 2-2. You know, he’s not saying if the controls are a problem or anything. He does complain about enemy placement but that doesn’t seem game breaking.
Then more exaggerated reaction faces and complaining about difficulty. Makes a comment about using his ballsack to make tea (oh god…)
“If you think that’s bad” Tempted to make a South Park joke, but I won’t.
Death montage with lava. Some of it looks purposeful.
Then a really dumb bit where he says, “shit’s going to get real” and shits himself. Ew…

Then, no joke, he basically pulls a “didn’t they test this game before they released it?” Not like that, but the intention is the same.
It’s so hard it makes you want to hang yourself. Then he chokes himself with the NES cord. How many times has he done that bit? Six times now? It’s not any funnier. Also, that’s not hanging yourself.
Despite all that, it’s still a good game. Then he goes into how there’s “crybabies” out there that complain when he mentions Game Genie. *gasps* He’s talking about me! Hi Chris! I know you’re reading this! Wait, aren’t you playing on an emulator? You have save states. Adding Game Genie just seems redundant.
He says the game continues to get good the further you go so it’s totally worth cheating.
He then brings up how licensed games of the era didn’t include more than the main characters, and then goes into how DuckTales was an exception as it included a lot. He suspects they didn’t want to “pixelize” a lot of characters into a game. It’s probably more like the developers had very little to go off of.

For Gremlins 2 they include a lot from the movie. Then he just lists them… more padding, hooray. How are there 10 minutes to this left?
He gushes about the cutscenes and is happy that he gets a good ending. Whatever…

Then we get something kind of interesting. Zach Galligan starts giving his thoughts on the game. Wonder how much Chris paid to get all that.
Zach gives a very sincere story about when he played the game when it came out (not a kid at the time, he was 26) and he thought it was really cool to see him animated in a cutscene. But he also thought the game was incredibly hard. Still, this was by far the best part. Shows the difference between a professional actor and a total hack.

The video should have ended there, but no there’s still more. Gremlins 2 on Game Boy.
But before that, IG gives his own story. About how he once worked at a restaurant that had ice cream and you could make your own while on break. He tells us how one day he found what he thought was whipped cream and sprayed it all over his dish, only to taste it and find out it was butter. The point is that Gremlins 2 on Game Boy isn’t good. That story doesn’t sound real…

Game Boy version is crap, bad controls, bad jumps, bad weapon, hard. Yep… good graphics and music. Whole bunch of comparisons about turds. Bored…
He sees it’s 11:30 and decides to talk about the Commodore 64 games.
First, he looks at Gremlins 2 on C64. A side-scroller. Looking up a longplay, it’s a short game at about 10 minutes. Meaning it’s very likely difficult.
Or not because he says it’s simple. And if he says that, it’s likely true.
He was upset that this game never came to consoles. Whatever…

Then he talks about the other Gremlins game on C64, Gremlins The Adventure. Which he incorrectly calls “Gremlins Adventure”.
It’s a text-based adventure, and he already hates it. Bringing up Zork and calling that crap. Woooooow it’s like strategy games all over again. Though I imagine he doesn’t have a fake story about his grandmother like last time.
Then a long bit where he tries to find out what to do, eventually decapitating the gremlin. Boring…

He moves onto Gremlins Unleashed for the Game Boy Color. It was only released in Europe.
He praises the animation saying they look really good now. GBC looks better than NES? Alert the media!
He then claims “gamers” won’t like it because finding the exit is confusing. That’s your takeaway?
He then stops, removes the cartridge and throws it. It ends up in the room of Carlos Gonzalez, now sporting a bandage from last time. He dodges it, only for it to hit him twice then… go up his ass as he moans “Daddy Cartridge”. ……………………..
……
Well, that was officially the worst thing Bores has ever put in a video. What the actual fuck? I’m not even mad. I’m just stunned that something so painfully unfunny managed to find its way into the video. What’s even the joke? What’s even the point? What even is this? Is this the anti-comedy equation?

Anyway, he moves onto Gremlins: Stripe vs Gizmo for the Game Boy Advance. He claims this was also only released in Europe. No that’s not true, there’s an American version. Found the box art with the ESRB logo on it. Looking on Amazon I can see the cartridge with “E for Everyone” on it. Where did you get that it was EU-only from?
He claims this is the best Gremlins game because of the animations, the fun stages, the colors, and other Gremlins. Is the gameplay good though?
However, his big issue is that the game has dreadful camera pans. Ah, that sounds like a “you” problem Chris. You’ve always been going on about getting motion sickness from certain games.
And he throws up in a Question Mark block. As his Gizmo plushie falls over. This isn’t funny.
Weird thing, but he’s pretending to play the game on a DS. Even though he has a Game Boy Advance. Can’t really put my finger on why that’s weird…

He then moves onto the last game, Gremlins: Gizmo for the Nintendo Wii. That’s a thing?
He says it was made to cash in on Nintendogs and he makes a bunch of gross milk analogies. It’s almost over…
He calls it boring and terrible in every way. Doesn’t go into why though, just a fast review because it exists.

Then brings up the Gremlins Mountain Dew commercial that aired during this year’s Super Bowl. He asks Zach about it. He gives his response from a completely different location. Which tells me that this is a separate video he paid for.
That would be a good way to end it, but Bores wanted more stupid.
He remarks that he managed to finish before Midnight, only for Ronnie to come in and point out that it was Daylight Savings the other day and it’s actually 12:59. Then the Spider Gremlin from the game comes out of the cartridge. Dumb…

That’s a good way of putting, dumb and boring. Everything after Gremlins 2 on NES was barely touched on, and the stuff he did talk about was a lot of the same shit. “Hard hard hard hard hard characters hard hard”. Zach Galligan’s appearance was the saving grace, but a minute long testimony from an actor shouldn’t carry a video.
What a mess.

That’s all for me. I hope you’re still staying safe. Make sure to get vaccinated.