Thursday, July 16, 2009

Mission Impossible. My mission? Survive Bores' videos.

This is an episode that people don’t seem to notice. It’s a terrible episode of course but people only look at one aspect of it. I’ll point it out during this rant.

*bangs the gong* IT HAS BEGUN!

0:00 – 0:13: He begins by asking if Mission Impossible could be a good game, all while putting the word “Possible” into his sentences. Calling the Department of Redundancy Department, I’ll be back in a bit.

0:17 – 0:44: Rants about the famous line “Your mission if you choose to accept it” and how we have no choice in the matter. If you don’t want to accept it, turn the game off. It’s not rocket science. He rants further that the game is linear and doesn’t have a stage select like Mega Man. So does that mean Super Mario Bros is a bad game because you can’t select your stage? My head is hurting again.

0:54 – 1:11: He notes the also famous “This message will self-destruct in 5 seconds” quote which prompts his NES to blow up (rather a lame explosion effect to cover jump-cutting the NES out of frame) and says “After you replace your NES, it’s on to Level 1.” Not everyone has After Effects to make fake explosions to follow your set instructions. Okay I’m nit-picking here but that wasn’t funny at all.

Blah Blah Blah. Boring Boring Boring. Really nothing wrong now…

2:56 – 3:05: He complains that when you get Game Over and choose continue, you have to start right from the beginning and collect everything again. This is a problem how? Tons of games do this; Goonies II did this with those keys. Again, don’t bitch unless you know what you’re talking about.

3:06: Here’s the part everyone focuses on. After bitching about starting everything over IG utters “What a Shitload of Fuck!” A phrase popularized by a certain Angry Video Game Nerd. This is where people started to notice his unoriginality and turn against him.
Note: In this episode on his DVD (oh yes, there’s a DVD which I’ll get to) he edited out “What a Shitload of Fuck” and replaced it with “What a Piece of Shit.” I should also note this is one of the few things he edited out but that’s for another time.

3:11: “Enough of this, time to find some passwords” What a pussy.

3:38 – 3:57: During his bitching on level 2 being impossible, he decides to switch to a Turbo Controller (again, what a pussy) but when it shows him using the controller he TAPS the Turbo Button instead of holding it. I’ve got nothing to say this is just moronic.

4:05 – 4:15: He skips to Level 3 and notes that you can shoot anyone, this leads to a brain-breakingly unfunny joke where he just inserts a picture of Urkel from Family Matters. Why? Uhhhh RANDOM HUMOR DUR DUR DUR! Please kill me.

4:22: “It wouldn’t be a bad game if it wasn’t so hard” *golf claps*

4:26 – 4:44: He arrives at a conveyer belt room and attempts to cross. With the second guy he purposely falls into the pit without reaching the conveyer belt. I’d accept this if the control sucked but he hasn’t mentioned that, I don’t know if the controls are stiff or sensitive or what?

4:46 – 5:08: During this IG crosses the conveyer belt and reaches a couple of enemies which he purposely dies on (seriously he’s running into them and barely firing his weapon).

The review ends with some bad acting “I’m so pissed off now my head is spinning” (yet he sounds so calm), and another “game destruction” scene where he takes the game outside, throws it into the air, and blows it up with a Super Scope (again, fake explosion effect). What have we learned about Mission Impossible on Nintendo? It’s hard and… it’s hard.

The old gamer mantra is just because a game is hard, doesn’t mean it sucks. I don’t know enough about this game to know if it’s good or bad but we’ll be seeing a lot of reviews where Irate Gamer only bitches about how hard a game is, looks like that’s the next one as the following review is Ghosts N Goblins on NES. Oh joy.

Addendum: Okay this episode wasn’t as bad as many of the others, but that’s like saying Superman Returns on Xbox 360 wasn’t as bad as Superman 64, both games are complete crap that should be avoided. But hey I’m a masochist and I love to incinerate my mind.

6 comments:

  1. He uses the same explosion effect, and the same explosion sound in every review!
    Lasy bastard...

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  2. It doesn't even sound like A Shitload of Fuck. Sounds more like A Shitload of FOCK. He can't even pronounce that word properly! Asswiper!

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  3. I've heard people say that Mission: Impossible on the NES isn't that bad of a game, and I hope it comes to VC (along with Goonies II). I'm sure the controls are fine-- Chris Bores just sucks.

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  4. I actually agree with him about losing all your items when you have to continue, and the Nerd and others also complain about this. The point being, it shouldn't be called a 'continue' option if you're starting from scratch. It should just say 'game over'. Why be deceptive? Saying "lots of other games did this" isn't really an argument, because these other games SHOULDN'T have done this. That's probably the only time I'll ever back this hack up on anything, but it had to be said.

    Also, interesting note to add - the same month as this episode came out, AVGN posted his review of Die Hard. That review also had a Steve Urkel joke, so I'm assuming that this was his way of letting his fans know that he was aware of Bores's bullshit without actually having to mention the cunt by name and risk publicising him. Either that or it's a hell of a coincidence.

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  5. I loved this game as a kid. No, it isn't the easiest game in the world (where's the challenge in that, anyway?), but it had a lot of redeeming qualities that negated that.

    The music was awesome, figuring out how to make it through the levels was fun, the controls were not too responsive or crappy (they were pretty darn good!), you could kill enemies without them even noticing you... I have lots of good memories of this game.

    All I could think while watching IG play it was, "Holy fuck a child could play this better than you!" And lots and lots of kids did back then!

    Can't even make it past the first stage and has to resort to cheating on Mission Impossible... pfft, not a very good gamer at all!

    PS: Still laughing at the fact he went to the "internet" to get the passwords. I would have expected a reference to Nintendo Power or the hotline or something... but the internet?

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  6. One of the dumber moments is when here refers to the game as a "side scroller" , the game is clearly uses an overhead view.

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