*looks outside, sees way too much snow in single digit weather* Welp… I’m stuck inside. Even if there wasn’t a pandemic, it is just too cold to do anything. Yay for cabin fever! Oh, of course Bores puts out a new video…
Do I have an excuse for why I took so long to write this? Nope. None at all. Anyway, he’s going to talk about the two Flintstones NES games. The Rescue of Dino & Hoppy, and Surprise at Dinosaur Peak. Why those games? Because he clearly needs a popular IP to latch onto or else nobody cares. Plus, an excuse to make stupid reference jokes.
In the description, he notes that he got help from Jonas Roy Bjarnason. I hope you got paid Jonas.
Onto the video. A little over 13 minutes long.
The video opens with IG walking out (to Donkey Kong Country music) to tell us the subject of the episode. He notes how Surprise at Dinosaur Peak “retails” for $800. It doesn’t “retail” for that much, that’s a low-end price you find on second-hand markets like eBay. Learn the difference.
After he reveals that, he says “Good Night!” Is that a Flintstones reference I missed? I don’t remember much about the show.
Theme song.
But first, another fake sponsorship. This time for Seinfeld Funko Pop mini keychains. Seriously? Again, no link in the description or anything to indicate this is a real sponsor. Probably just an excuse to show off his mini-Seinfeld playset again. Also, if you’re going to have made-up sponsors, at least make it thematically appropriate. The Flintstones and Seinfeld are world’s apart.
He gives an overview of the series, with some odd syntax strewn throughout. As per usual with Chris. Goes over how the show changed through the years by adding kids and the Great Gazoo, the latter which he dropped a “I guess dey can’t all be winners”.
We cut to his obviously unplugged NES as he mentions how publishers adapted old TV shows into games, citing The Three Stooges and Gilligan’s Island. Wow, both giant piles of plastic garbage!
He mispronounces Taito (as Tay-to) because he can’t go a video without showing how he’s completely ignorant about Japan.
He starts with The Rescue of Dino & Hoppy, which some of you may know better by the title “7 Grand Dad”.
He calls it “DY-no and Hoppy” not “DEE-no”, which is how you’re supposed to pronounce their weird dino-dog. He actually gets it right in the next sentence.
He then gets mad that we have to save Hoppy, calling him lame and putting him below the garbage disposal pig. What’s wrong with Hoppy? Feels like Chris just wanted something to complain about here.
“Now I gotta figure out which controller to use” Wait what? Why?
Oh, it’s a dumb gag that ends on “rock controller”. Urgh… glad all those Flintstones reboots got shelved, I can easily imagine Chris try to get a job like with DuckTales.
Starts the game. “…that iconic 8-bit rendition of that Flintstones theme song” This is a really weird sentence, are you saying the 8-bit version is iconic? Why use “that” instead of “the”? Maybe you should get people to proofread your scripts instead of relying on them for effects.
He watches the first cutscene, comments that the music sounds more like an Exorcist NES game. Meh…
He shows the game’s villain, commenting that he looks like the lead singer of GWAR. No he doesn’t! Do you even know what Oderus Urungus looks like? RIP Dave Brockie.
The villain steals Dino and Hoppy, blows up Gazoo’s time machine, and the objective is to find the pieces of it.
He praises the game, says it looks good, plays decently, has cool ideas… why are you reviewing this? Isn’t your schtick supposed to be bad games? You don’t even know what you are.
He comes across a wheel with platforms on it and compares it to the ones Reznor rides in Super Mario World. Then he complains that the game is ripping off Super Mario World. No it isn’t Chris, there’s no enemies on the Flintstones platforms. He’s already reaching for problems.
He also wonders why they didn’t steal Reznor and put it in the game. Because Taito can’t do that? I know this is an attempt at a joke, but it’s really lame.
He fast-forwards to the first boss, a large sea serpent that refers to as “Puff the Magic Dumbass” (hur hur hur) and beats him, complaining that he’s easy. Then he complains about the Time Machine part having “TM” on it, calling out the game for thinking players are stupid. Really? You’re one to talk about treating the audience like idiots Chris.
He also refers to a cutscene as a “cut screen”. Are you doing this on purpose?!
He points out how Gazoo welding his time machine looks like he’s humping it. I don’t really see it…
He complains again that the game is stealing from Super Mario World by having an overworld map. Uhhh no? What about Super Mario Bros 3? That came out long before this. Are you that desperate for something to talk about?
He brings up the basketball mini-game, not much said there. Gets a power-up from it, and he tries using it on a stage with rising lava. Only to instantly die because he clearly set it up that way. Prompting a pointless appearance from Scooby Dum, the seldom seen cousin of Scooby-Doo. BECAUSE HE EXISTS!
He moves onto a city level with criminals from the show. He refers to them as “Antifa Banditos”. Oooh jeez… I feel like whatever I say here is going to result in a firestorm so I’m just going to move on.
Then he cuts to an ice level which he claims is just a recolor of the first level and calls them lazy. Says the man that reuses old footage without even trying to make it match…
Then a jungle level which he likes, but then sees a waterfall that looks “right out of Super Mario Bros 2”. Let it go Chris! This prompts a stupid bit where he hopes the fish (Trouters) don’t show up and guess what they do. Still has that bad habit of inserting sprites that don’t belong. That’s not a joke Chris.
He reaches the boss, who looks like a sasquatch though IG keeps calling him a caveman. This prompts a pointless rant where he wonders why that wasn’t Captain Caveman, while he holds a Captain Caveman toy. Because nobody cares about Captain Caveman and looking into it he’s more connected to Scooby-Doo than the Flintstones. He does admit he doesn’t know how the licensing works. Maybe consider that they just didn’t care to use this obscure cartoon character?
He likes the controls, how there’s a lot to do, how you meet up with other characters. He notes how once you find them, they follow you around the map like a Final Fantasy game. That’s more of a Dragon Quest trope, Final Fantasy never really did that with a few exceptions. But he said that so he could do a stupid bit where the Flintstones cast fights Tiamat in Final Fantasy II. Why II? I guess that’s what Jonas added.
Anyway, he notes multiple aspects that make the game easy to play (while also bringing up Gazoo “humping” again, it’s still not funny). At least he’s not complaining about it being too easy.
He gets to the final level in the future, while also mispronouncing Dino’s name again. For fuck’s sake Chris, are you really a Flintstones fan?
He gets there and recognizes the music being the theme from The Jetsons, then runs into George Jetson. This results in a pointless history lesson. He brings up the crossover movie The Jetsons Meet The Flintstones. Funny enough, he gets the order wrong (calling it The Flintstones Meet The Jetsons) while showing the movie poster. Did Jonas add that? Clever if he did.
He then complains that they should have called the game “The Flinstones Meet The Jetsons” and promoted it like mad. Did you ever consider that it’s meant to be a big twist? That part of your reward for reaching the final level is SURPRISE it’s a crossover?! Then he complains “TAY-to” didn’t add Captain Caveman (enough with the stupid caveman).
Then his rant is oddly cut off. Apparently, some of the dialogue got lost in editing. Why he couldn’t go back and fix this I don’t know. Instead the missing line is in the description. Lazy!
He keeps complaining, wondering why there’s no Scooby-Doo or Snorks (pfff) or Chan Clan though he scratches that one because he doesn’t want “Chan Clan bullshit”. Instead he wants Hong Kong Phooey, with a pointless cut to the theme song. We get it Chris, these cartoons existed. Focus on Flintstones.
He beats the final boss, comments that the ending is rather violent as Fred keeps beating him, and they live happily ever after. Until they get attacked by Grape Ape. Fuck off with the lazy references!
Pulls the game out and starts talking about “TAY-to’s” follow-up, Surprise at Dinosaur Peak. He notes how since the game came out in 1994, and the line got lost in editing. It’s in the description too, but looking it, something is off. “…and since this game came out in 1994, this made copies of the game very hard to come by, and years later…” The syntax still feels off. Again Chris, you need proofreaders.
Anyway, he brings up the game’s obscene price in modern times. He doesn’t seem to bring up the reason why it’s so high. There’s an urban legend that the game was a Blockbuster exclusive. However, there’s no evidence to back that up. I feel that’s important to address. But no, instead get him saying “Yabba Dabba Damn”. Hur…
If you’re wondering about his copy, it’s either a reproduction cart, or he took a spare NES cartridge, printed the cartridge label and taped it on. I doubt he has the money to drop on an average NES game. Since the footage he uses is all from an emulator, the cartridges are just for show.
He starts the game, notes how it’s really good and is much different from the shitty games he plays, while also making a reference to LJN. You’ve barely talked about LJN-published games. Only Back to the Future and X-Men. Don’t act like they’re your archenemy.
He brings up how you can play as both Fred and Barney, switching between the two on the fly. Then he says “Bless my demonic shit with holy water”. Jeez, this script is a dumpster fire.
He reaches the end of the first level and oh hey he says cutscene correctly this time. What was his excuse the first time? You know, I’m noticing that he’s getting a lot of basic terms wrong in this revival. Does Chris have some cognitive issues that result in him mispronouncing things?
Once again compares the overworld to Mario, shows the Hockey mini-game, shows a surfing level, shows Fred riding a giant wheel that IG calls a donut (this isn’t The Simpsons)
More “cameos” with him excited to see Mr. Slate. Okay…
Then he complains that “TAY-to” didn’t include any other Hanna-Barbara characters, referring to the action as “opening a Pandora’s Box”. I don’t think you understand what Pandora’s Box is.
Then he references more old H-B cartoons. What’s even the point? To show off to the kids that more than likely don’t know what these cartoons are?
He brings up that the game is easy, except for a part where you run from a giant red wheel. He gets angry that they dare put in a difficulty spike. He hates when they do that, an easy game with some sudden difficulty. Come the fuck on Chris, grow up.
Then a death montage which ends with him choking himself on his NES controller cord. Didn’t he do this move so many times before?
Then he starts listing off games with difficulty spikes. Like the Cave of Wonders in Aladdin, no not the SNES version, the Genesis version. Odd to go with that one. Then the race with Metal Sonic in Sonic CD (I seriously doubt he played that), the seaweed in TMNT on NES (I swear, he’s only played like 4 games in his entire life and keeps going back to them), and a Ren & Stimpy game? Okay, I get the feeling Jonas added that one, same with Sonic CD.
He once again summarizes that he hates when “easy peasy” games suddenly hit you with bullshit. My god, he is such a casual fuck.
He wants to destroy the game, but since it’s so expensive (oh please, we know that’s not a legit copy), he’s just going to put it on his shelf and glare menacingly at it. He then puts it on a… tiger holder? Oh, it’s just an excuse to do the “It’s a living” gag. Blaaaaah
That was… boring. So very boring.
It felt more like an excuse to show off all the old cartoons he knows. Just make a video about Hanna-Barbara cartoons instead, you clearly care more about those than video games.
Once again, I apologize for the lateness. I’ll try to be better going forward. Stay safe everyone, and hopefully this pandemic finally slows down.
