Monday, November 16, 2009

Happy 30 Years of Life Bores.

Thanks to the user PanicPagoda I learned that November 15th 2009 was Bores' 30th Birthday.

That's right, Chris Bores is 30 years old now.

Which makes me wonder why his writing style is similar to a 3rd Grade student doing a report on The Great Gatsby or any other book that's far too advanced for him.
I also bring into question how a 29 year old man could write "Call 911 because I was ROBbed" and consider that worthy of posting on the Internet.

44 comments:

  1. Wow. Fucking 30? Wow.

    Nothing more to say than "wow."

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  2. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw shit.

    His birthday is the day before Miyomoto's birthday, the 16th?! What a miserable shitload of fuck! I cannot believe it!! :(

    I bet he's gonna brag about it since, well, YOU KNOW, AMIRIGHT?!?! And yet many people have been born on that same day!

    But I am not that shocked that he's thirty, to be honest. What could be shocking is that he continues doing the videos the way they are, which he probably will, since no matter how disgusting, abominable, and atrocious they are, people still watch them, Youtube still promotes them, and he's still popular and POSSIBLY being a bad influence to the gaming community.

    I would rather... a screw it.

    Happy Birthday, You Irate Johnny-Come-Lately.

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  3. I mean, I don't know what's sadder -- that he's 30 and single, has no friends, no real job and lives with his parents, or that he's 30 and he's the Irate Gamer.

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  4. 30, wow... I now feel sorry for the guy, how is it that he is thirty and yet he knows jack all about video games, I mean if he was born in 1979 then he would have been the perfect age to start playing NES and Super NES games in his pre teen years...

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  5. Thirty years old... wow.

    Maybe he does have twenty years experience playing these games... or maybe he doesn't play the same games we do... or maybe he knows the ins and outs of some obscure games we don't know about... maybe I don't care.

    Yep, that's the one.

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  6. Speaking of 30, according to his website, the 30th episode of the Irate Gamer show is coming in November (Date subject to change.)

    In other words, we'll probably be seeing a new Irate Gamer sometime in 2011.

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  7. @Anonymous fellow above me
    Don't you mean the 30th episode is "Coming Novemeber 2009" as stated on the slow-as-fuck website?

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  8. If the two posts before are correct, then I'm sure Bores has delayed the release of that episode so that it matches his birthday or something like that.

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  9. @Mr. Lizard
    So we can expect it out next year, then?

    Actually, no. That's giving WAY too much credit to Irate Eggo.

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  10. I just don't get it, how is it that he could have been 'playing these games for 20 years' and yet know so little and be so bad at them, prehaps he is handicapped in some way because I can play games better than he can and I'm only 17 and 3/4.

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  11. @fattoler
    I'll go out on a limb here and say that I've been playing video games since I first got an Atari 7800 way back in 1988 and enjoyed great games such as Joust, Xevious, Galaga, and even a handful of great 2600 games like River Raid and Demon Attack. That would make it *gasp* twenty years that I've been playing these things. I went through almost all the (major) systems in one form or another and I've collected a decent number of issues from EGM, Nintendo Power, and Tips & Tricks, to name a couple.

    With that said, I don't consider myself to be either "hardcore" or claim to know the "ins and outs" of anything. I've missed out on a lot of classics (as well as non-classics) and am only recently rediscovering a whole bunch of these games by getting them cheap from flea markets, thrift stores, and even certain game shops that sell old games.

    My gaming skills aren't necessarily the "best" and chances are half the games I've played I've never beaten, but that doesn't really bother me because I'm more concerned with having fun and enjoying the games than trying to be win the game - although that helps too.

    Sorry if it seems like I'm rambling, but I just wanted to point out that just because someone says they play games for twenty years doesn't mean they're going to know everything and the ones who say that do just don't want to admit that they looked something up on a good resource or anything, like a past magazine or even *gasp* Wikipedia.

    But even in that regard, even someone who has played one game in a twenty-year period is more of a gamer than Chris Bores.

    Even I know Genesis came BEFORE Super Nintendo.

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  12. @dtm666

    Yeah, I suppose the world isn't divided between hardcore gamers and noobs like Chris Bores, I understand that part, but if you claim to 'know all the ins and outs' that suggests that you take your gaming more seriously than others.

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  13. Exactly. And you don't admit that you use a Game Genie to play Kid Icarus and tell real gamers to fuck off.

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  14. Oh I hope he doesn't do an Irate Lamer Neo review of New Super Mario Bros Wii just because it was released, of all days, on his birthday!! THat would really suck.

    BTW NSMBWii is much better than NSMB.
    Now if you excuse me...
    A striped Tigger has stolen mah bike!;)

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  15. In my opinion there are 5 different Gamers:

    5. Ultra hardcore; people who spend their life collecting and playing games e.g. James Rolfe

    4. Hardcore; People who spend a considerable amount of their time playing games but either not collecting or only collecting games which they like rather than trying to get every game for a system.

    3. Regular; Plays games as a general activity, does not show a huge interest in older games except for the classics like Sonic or Metriod, generally makes up the fanboy group.

    2. Casual; Someone who plays games very occasionally, knows very little about older games due to lack of interest (usually because the graphics suck), not particularly good at games.

    1. Noob; People who only play Wii Sports because 'it's cool', might play a good modern game like Halo 3 because of the hype machine. Someone who pretends to like games because it makes them seem cool or popular. e.g. 'The Wii family', Chris Bores

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  16. @ damien

    I know he's already 30, I meant to say somewhen around his birthday, not the exact date.

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  17. @Mr. Lizard
    I know what you meant. Like I said, some time next year.

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  18. From the list above, I'm seeing myself sitting between 3 and 4: Plays games on a regular basis (generally keep a handheld unit on me such as a GBA or DS or whatever I feel like pulling out while on bus trips to work), collecting old games that peek my interest or have played in the past, have a strange habit of recording game play onto VHS or DVD and keeping an archive of it...

    Wait, what point was I trying to make? I forgot.

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  19. I would consider myself perhaps a sub-hardcore gamer, more specifically a hard core side-scrolling retro game like SMB1-3, SMW, Super Mario All-Stars, Castlevania series (1-4, Dracula X, SotN (best evar), etc). I've played every single game in the Castlevania library, finally, as of yesterday I completed Aria of Sorrow...I didn't like the N64 Castlevania games though. But completing every game in the Castlevania line-up makes me want more Castlevania!!! Aside from the obvious plot and timeline confusions that come up, the Legend of Zelda series was awesome back then in the NES days and to me, it's still great now! Keep in mind, no, I did not play those fraking CDi games. I have never played a game on the CDi. Thanks to James' review of all those games, I know better! Usually curiosity gets the best of me, but in the case of the CDi...never!

    I'm also into RTS games such as Star Trek: Armada series, C&C (every one of the games is enjoyable, and the Scrin plot is just getting more and more interesting all the time), and the RTS-slash-Simulation games like SimCity and The Sims (have each of those, plus addons). Oh, and Starcraft + Brood Wars. Most of the games I've played since 1998 have been PC games.

    The earliest video game I played was in fact Super Mario Bros. 2, before I knew that it wasn't really SMB2, but I loved it anyway! The game had a charm to it. At the age of 7, there was some sort of mystery to the game that I couldn't explain. When The Wizard movie came around, I figured that the whole SMB3 thing was probably just some clever joke at first...until I did this thing called reading, and discovered that there indeed was a SMB3. That's when I cried and cried and cried for SMB3. I had expectations even back then, but wow, Mario 3 just blew me out of the water!

    I remember when I first beat Super Mario Bros. 3, that I started yelling, "I beat...I beat the game!!! URRRAH!!!" At around the same time I had beated Castlevania II: Simon's Quest. I actually liked the game. When Castlevania III came out, it took me a while to finally beat Dracula because, well, I sucked at the game. When I finally beat Dracula, to me at that age, it was like being uber death commander of the Universe! Everyone else wanted to beat that game too! So I began showing some of my friends how to beat it. I got pretty good at it too. Those were the days!

    Then the SNES and Sega Master (Genesis) came out. From my point of view, the game consoles came out on the same Christmas - 1992. I got the SNES. I remember that Christmas that my parents had hidden the SNES because they knew it would be the most awesome gift. After a while of opening presents, I became discouraged that I wouldn't get an SNES. Then my dad was like, hey, the couch looks like it's sitting a little higher on this side. So he lifts up the couch and there it is, another wrapped present - a big one. I knew that's what it was, and dog-gone-it, it was!

    I myself am at the age of 27 now, married, family, bills, work, all that stuff that makes me want to book a ticket away from here sometimes, no matter where to. But the games of the 80s and 90s that were good (some mentioned above) stuck in my head as classics. I love seeing nostalgic walkthroughs of these games, really brings me back. I still find myself playing games like Symphony of the Night, the Mario games, Elder Scrolls games (though they're so recent), and I still enjoy it. If anything, life has been kind to me.

    In Chris' case, he didn't get that enjoyment out of gaming - at all it seems. It's just another lame attempt to capitalize on something someone else has already done. He has no personality, nor 'true' enthusiasm, nor anything else that makes a life good.

    So in the light (or dark) of Chris' 30th birthday, I can only say to Chris...dear God man, you're running out of time, soon you'll be getting old and will have nothing to show for it all.

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  20. I've been playing games since I was 4, my first being an NES. I've forged along with the console generations and have found enjoyment in all of them (My personal favorite system was and always will be the SNES). As of now I own a 360, but for the most part I've become something of a PC gamer, (Regular WoW player and am currently doing the entire Fallout series.)

    Having played games for a majority of my life, Chris Bores's attempt at "Gaming" comes off as pretty insulting. No one worth their salt would use a game genie to beat Kid Icarus. Dissing Super Mario Bros 2 because its "too hard" and the final boss and enemies "make no sense"? Go suck an egg Bores. "The perfect predecessor to the first Mario game" as you call it was more brutally difficult then the first one and the Doki Doki Panic Reskin. Wonder why you neglected to mention that in your review?

    I wouldn't be surprised if Bores engages in some of the trolling his fanbase is renown for. Really? Why can't he just admit he was inspired by the various game reviews floating round youtube prior to his arrival? And why does he delete comments and take down videos berating him for reasons of "copyright infringement"? Truthfully, the guy's a grade A dickhead and deserves all the bad publicity he's gotten.

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  21. The Irate Gamer does indeed suck, but here are a few things in my mind that stick out the most more than anything else as to why he sucks so much:

    In his Mario 2 review, he said that part of the reason why he hated it so much was because it was a one player game(yet the "perfect predecessor to the first Mario game" was also a one player game).

    In his TMNT review, right when he told viewers to "fuck TMNT 3", I wanted to scream "Fuck You" at him louder than ever just for hating on a TMNT game that wasn't as close to the arcade game as possible. Chris Whores (yes, Chris Whores) is such a huge graphics whore it's not even funny.

    So yeah, Irate Gamer sucks, but those moments disgust me the most about him more than anything else.

    vnisanian2001

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  22. @vnisanian:
    When he said "It's only a 1-Player game" it made me think "He can't take turns? That's what you do in the first Super Mario Bros it's not co-op like Contra or Monsters in my Pocket."

    And Bores is a huge graphics whore, if you watch his Neo reviews he gushes over a game's intro like it matters. In his Mario Kart Wii review he spent 30 seconds on the "weird intro" and then said "Don't let the intro fool you into thinking this game sucks."
    I'm not kidding.

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  23. Yeah, I'm more of a gameplay-whore myself. Could care less if there's stick people on my screen as long as the game is good and/or enjoyable.

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  24. I'm not a graphics whore, but good graphics help in some games. Although it is nicer to play a good game with good graphics rather than an equally good game with pixels the size of dinner plates

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  25. Compared to the Irate Lamer, I would rather watch the Awesome Video Games videos by farfromsubtle. Ironically enough, they did a five part episode on R.O.B., whcih is actually much better than the Irate Lamer's R.O.B. review. That, and they released it a YEAR before Irate Lamer released his.

    They also did a vido on the Game Genie, basically creating the analogy that over-using Game Genie is like overdosing on drugs.

    So that means the Irate Lamer is a coked-up drug monkey? If that's the case...
    They PWNed him somehow?

    They even have a dvd out now.
    http://www.youtube.com/user/farfromsubtle

    Would you rather watch these videos, you guys?

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  26. Yes, Awesome Video Games is just the sort of thing I like, zany and over the top.

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  27. TAKE OUT THE TRASH!

    Awesome Video Games kicks ass, I still have to watch all the episodes but I liked what I've seen.

    And it seems Bores did as well since many elements from his ROB videos were taken from Ace & Chet's Gyromite videos.

    Dancing ROB
    ROB "accidentally" killing Professor Hector
    ROB's evil intentions
    Epic fight with ROB at the end.

    It's scary how much Bores stole from their reviews, except for the knowledge that the professor in Gyromite is Hector NOT Gyro.

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  28. @ Batdan
    I see what you mean with the "plagerist" thing, but there are some differences with the Awesome Video Games videos and Irate Lamer's giant lump of shit, as well as why in all these cases, AVG kicks Irate Lamer's lump of shit in the balls.
    1.Though not mention on your list, there's the concept of R.O.B. the robot being slooooooooow.
    AVG made fun of this in the first half of part 3, with R.O.B...speaking...ve-rrrrry....slow....ly.
    All Irate Lamer ever did was say "What a bunch of diahrrea dick-waffles!"
    2.Dancing R.O.B.
    In AVG, Chet & Ace were smart in using the actual music from the game for R.O.B. to dance to, and the dance makes sense, and it uses a very fast camera effect, since, well, you get the idea. Irate Lamer put s shitty sticky with the letter "P" on his NES controller and passes it off as a real button, just to make a lame joke using Will Smith music.
    3.R.O.B.'s "accident"
    Yes, the same thing did happen in both videos... BUT, AVG has executed this notion in flying colors. Just watch the video and see what I mean.
    4.R.O.B. being evil
    This is where Irate Lamer did it the worst. His R.O.B. doesn't speak. It doesn't emote. It just attacks him for no reason. Granted it has the attacks from SMBB, but hey, that game and how he exploited its popularity sickens me. The AVG R.O.B. actually has a robotic voice, and is fittingly akin to the likes of HAL 9000(see final minute of Part 3). And don't forget that he has an ACTUAL MOTIVATION!!!(gasp) So yeah, anyone who prefers the Irate R.O.B. to the AVG R.O.B. is an idiot. End of story.
    5.the fight with R.O.B.
    If the AVG battle and the Irate battle were characters in SMBB, the AVG battle would be Toon Link, and the Irate battle would be Jigglypuff. Take your fucking bets now!!

    This isn't to say that Irate Lamer is guilty of being the shittier version of the AVGN or Ace & Chet, or whatever, but I honestly think that if he's gonna have to steal ideas, the least he could do is make that notion much more obvious.

    So there you go, Batdan. I don;t know why I wrote this, but at least I wanted to give you a "different" view on this whole thing.

    BTW, did you read the second and fourteenth comments on the sheet? You should read those if you haven't.

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  29. I wonder is he has ever been sexed yet. Maybe his chram is all mouldy and closed up with wrinkles.

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  30. @Anon with the AVG explanations:
    Those are some good points, AVG pulled off many of those concepts a lot better.

    I just realized the "Evil Gamer" in Monster Party is his cop-out excuse for fighting the Predator and ROB. People accused him of ripping off the AVGN and Awesome Video Games so instead of giving a legit answer he made up this bullshit excuse.

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  31. Jesus, don't know which of you folks to agree with the most. Seems we're all like-minded in that way. SMB2 to me was one easy-ass yet enjoyable game! And...I actually LIKED Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1. It has that classic feel to it, since it's the first, it was a part of my childhood, as irritating as some portions were. But when it comes to bad games, TMNT1 was somewhere on the good side of bad. I played the game, got frustrated with it, and I wouldn't have had it any other way!

    Heck, I used Game Genie once in a while, mostly to see what custom codes would do. And yea, there was a game once that had one part that was pretty dang difficult, and in all my guilt, I used a Game Genie to get passed it, but never used GG for that area again, as in getting through it, I discovered how to get through without Game Genie. I felt like total ass though, using it just to get past one damned part in one damned game. Using Game Genie for the purpose of cheating is like trying some really bad acid or something like that - you feel like shit for sure, but you know never to do it again, that is if you have any sense in your head. This is something the Irate Gamer doesn't have.

    I agree, Kama, the Hack deserves all the shit he gets for what he's doing. He deserves no mercy for he has given no mercy to the many people he's ripped/pissed off.

    As far as game play, that's most-important. As long as the controls are at least usable, it's a game to me. As long as it's fun, it's a game to me. As long as it has a good amount of challenge without having that challenge be determined by bad controls, then it's probably a good game. If you're looking for games with the best graphics, you're not usually going to have yourself a fun game. If you're looking for a good game, no matter the graphics, then you'll probably pick up a good game. That's the advantage in today's world. Games can't be way too shitty, or else it won't sell at all. People check out computer parts reviews on the internet before going to buy them, and they also check out reviews for games before picking those up. Back in the 80s and 90s (even up to 2002 since I still had shitty-ass dial-up by then), finding reviews on games was pretty hard to come by. There was no gaming networks, nothing. But you best be assured that if you went to a rental place to rent a game and somebody tells you "that game sucks the big one" then you either should consider another game to rent, or else just prepare to be disappointed.

    Today's games go by a similar rule. If the gameplay sucks, the game sucks. If the controls are unusable, the game sucks. If the game has some audible bullshit in it that's as annoying as Jim Carrey after taking 30 mg of crack, then it's a bad game. If all those things are alright though, you got a good game. And hey, if the graphics are great, that's just an extra bonus.

    Gamers don't really game for the added bonus of graphics. They game to get a challenge out of it. The only defeat in challenge now a days is if you can't find anyone to do an online match with. Getting pwned in game is no big worry. Not getting a chance to compete is a BIG problem though. And some of the older online play games don't have many people playing them online anymore, which really sucks. Star Trek Armada (b March 2000) now doesn't have a game server of its own - now have to rely on some third-party hosting software and find a small handful of people who will play it! I mean...it's sad that a game that's almost 10 years old has been abandoned!

    So I'm glad to see a lot of people still into retrogaming, and still remember what the 80s and 90s were like. Ah, good times!

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  32. Isn't it sad that the comments have strayed way off-topic here? No? Okay, in that case, let me just say...

    HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, CHRISTOPHER BORES! You suck.

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  33. Indeed, sorry for single-handedly throwing the comments off-topic...

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  34. Speaking of off-topic, his face is serously ugly.

    Seriously.

    You oughta make a post about that.

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  35. Bug eyed creep you seen his Harvey Birdman review? If not then stay away it's fucking scary.

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  36. Yes Chris Bores is one ugly son of a bitch.
    However I don't think that warrants an entire rant/post.

    And his Harvey Birdman review is scary, he starts off shaking the game like an epileptic then proceeds to get his facts wrong and NOT mention Phoenix Wright.

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  37. in fact it reminds me of James, in one of his intros he doing the exact same thing to a cartridge of E.T.

    But there it's funny because it's like 'I know E.T. exists guys, stop bugging me.'

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  38. @BatDan
    Chris Bores not mentioning Phoenix Wright? That's a good thing. Trust me, we really don't need that.

    Remember SMB2?

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  39. That's true. He'd think Harvey Birdman ripped off Phoenix Wright, even though both games were published by Capcom.

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  40. Ok so out of curiousity after reading this blog I went oer to gottgame to watch the review... Gamer out, Irate Shady is actually worse in the video than how it was discribed here and in the comments.

    And why the fuck in his intro is there a mouse cursor clicking on a garbage bin.

    He is fucked. But criticising him is so much fun.

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  41. @Anon:
    I think you commented on the wrong rant. But yes that scene is soul-crushingly bad that describing it in words doesn't do it justice.

    That mouse cursor on the garbage can was from his Zack & Wiki review. He was unfamiliar with the concept of a point & clock adventure game and whined that you do too much clicking, so he made a "joke" about clicking on his garbage can.

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  42. He used to take part in the trolling; remember Iratefanboy345? That was really Chris Bores. No lie.

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  43. If only Chris Bores had joined the 27 club, we wouldn't have had to suffer any of this bullshit.

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