Saturday, January 2, 2010

The Lost Road Trip + Random Thoughts

Happy 2010 everyone. Well we wait for The Bores to crap out another video, I’ll analyze an old video that can only be seen at the Chris & Scottie Road Trip site (and has been mirrored to YouTube thanks to y2b2010).

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMOIIXKVABI
I feel comfortable linking it since it doesn’t go to IG’s channel.

Like the previous Road Trip video, I’ll go location by painful location.

Home: Oh man this green screen is terrible. It makes Superman IV look realistic. I think Scottie is a worse actor then Chris, he keeps missing his cues.

Ireland: The two idiots are in front of a bar (wow that’s not stereotypical at all) and claim they’ve been drinking for 24 hours. Scottie can’t do an Irish accent and the green screen is painful. Then they start “dancing” to Irish music.
*Apologies to Irish people everywhere*

Easter Island: What the hell is with the perspective? The statues are obviously at a distance but they’re too close to them, does Easter Island turn you into a giant? Bores starts stuttering “big… heads” over and over and then we see the most predictable joke ever. Scottie finds an Easter Egg.
*Apologies to Chileans everywhere*

Florida: The two idiots visit the Everglades. What does Bores mean by “Didn’t have to go far to get to Florida” is he implying that Easter Island is close? Easter Island is in the Pacific Ocean they’re nowhere close.
Then Bores delivers a line that puts Humphrey Bogart to shame “Now Florida is most… well… known for the Everglades.” The next Robert De Niro everybody! Also, Florida is well-known for more then just that. I think people prefer the beaches, the theme parks and the warm weather, not the alligator-infested wetlands.
The scene ends with more stiff delivery and Scottie getting bitten by an alligator off-screen. Yeah that’s not funny.
*Apologies to the citizens of Florida*

Egypt: Most what place on earth? Mind-baffling? Who the fuck talks like that?
There’s a gag where Scottie loses his hat and Bores gives a description of the pyramids that amounts to “I can’t seem to read my script”. By the way, nice logo in the stock footage dumbass.
Scottie finds his hat only to find their camel crapped in it… wait what?
*Apologies to Egyptians everywhere*

Mexico: The two idiots come dancing in to La Cucaracha in front of a Taco Bell singing about tacos and burritos. Wow, Chris Bores is racist. There’s no subtly or charm it’s just straight-up stereotypes, it’s like if Michael Bay remade North. To continue the insults Scottie says “Yo quiero Taco Bell” and they start listing off stereotypical Mexican food. Then for no reason they start dancing, and Scottie wants some water. So Bores buys a bottle while a disclaimer shows up saying not to drink the water in Mexico. Do I even have to explain what’s wrong with this?
*SEVERE apologies to Mexicans everywhere*

Turkey: The two idiots are in front of the Sultan Ahmed Mosque (or Blue Mosque) as Scottie is clutching his stomach because the water in Mexico gave him week-long diarrhea (this raises far too many questions that I’ll bring up in the end). You know, I want some of that water from City 17. Maybe I’ll forget this horrible video.
The scene ends with the two of them dancing in front of a William Hung music video. I… just… guh.
*Apologies to Turkish people everywhere*

???: No really that’s what they labeled it.
They’re in front of an Arctic wasteland as Bores continues to show his “acting” chops with a performance that makes William Shatner sound natural.
Then an abrupt transition brings in footage from The Empire Strikes Back of AT-AT Walkers approaching. Yeah that’s the joke. I think Bores’ performance in Monster Party is a step UP from this. He’s even grinning as they’re “running away” scared.
*Apologies to George Lucas and Star Wars fans everywhere*

Metropolis: Oh no. They’re not going to do what I think they’re going to do.
They are. Scottie is pretending to be Clark Kent as they visit Metropolis and wonder who Superman really is (they also say it’s Clark Kent’s hometown even though anyone would tell you his hometown is Smallville. Bores claims to be a fan of comic books, yet he makes this very simple mistake). Then a woman screams and Scottie goes “flying” off. They don’t even try to make him look like Superman, they don’t even use a T-Shirt with Superman’s logo on it. This is pathetic.
Also, I did a quick search and the only two cities in the USA called Metropolis are in Nevada and Illinois. The Nevada town is a ruined ghost town and the Illinois town is the picture book definition of “Redneck Central” and they also hold an annual Superman festival.
Oh and *Apologies to DC Comics and Superman fans everywhere*

You know, there’s a lot of illogical things about these “Road Trip” videos I want to address. If they’re going around the world how come they keep wearing the same clothes? It makes sense if it was a uniform but they’re wearing street clothes, and they aren’t cartoon characters either. Plus if Scottie had diarrhea for a week then why didn’t he bring it up until now?
You know what I think? I’m overanalyzing a shitty video made by a hack filmmaker trying to get famous but only receives ridicule.


Now I want to take a few moments and address some other things that have been bothering me.

In IG’s Q*Bert review he did a pointless gag about Press Your Luck. He mentioned in the video comments that it took him hours to create the board and put it together. This goes to show he focuses WAY too much on 10 second gags then he does his own writing. Then I remembered the Nostalgia Critic’s review of Judge Dredd, there he used a Press Your Luck gag (this one made sense since Dredd set his gun to Double Whammy) and you know what the Critic used? Actual footage from the show. Yeah, he didn’t waste his time recreating the board for a 5 second reference.

This also gives a couple ideas to why his videos take so damn long. Like the custom cards in the Odyssey review he spent way too much time on a throw-away joke that has nothing to do with the subject at hand.
See, rather then use his brain and write something decent he wastes time with bullshit like this. MOVING ON!

There’s a “joke” at the end of his Monster Party review where he shouts “motherfucker” but is cut off before he could finish. This makes absolutely no sense.
Cursing Cut Short only works on shows that don’t use curse words (like Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged does CCS all the time). However, the Irate Gamer constantly drops F-Bombs so the joke doesn’t make any logical comedic sense.

Lastly I want to address the fanboys that say “I like both AVGN and IG, why can’t you?” This one I’m seeing the most lately. I have no problem liking multiple reviewers (in fact the next post will be about reviewers I recommend) but I don’t understand how you can enjoy both?
If you enjoy the AVGN then you should realize how unentertaining The Bores really is. Are your standards really that low that you’ll laugh at anything video game related? That you’ll laugh at other crappy reviewers like alexan (I’m going to separate his name so he doesn’t invade this and go apeshit, calling us all stupid and his jokes genius then make video responses saying why we're wrong) der4488, NC17 Productions, Silent Rob (long story to why I don’t like this guy), GoldenWoozie, or the countless other AVGN rip offs out there? Do you laugh at bad Let’s Players like Rijno, Cloud8745, and all the failed SomethingAwful users?

Sorry about that, I just don’t understand the logic.

So next time, I’ll turn on my cherry side and recommend good reviewers to check out. Unless Bores releases a video in the time I write it up.

25 comments:

  1. "it’s like if Michael Bay remade North."

    That's the best description of these awful videosI'll ever hear.

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  2. Aside from doing an entry about other game reviewers, how about also doing one about Irate Gamer parody makers, as well?

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  3. y2b2010 said:

    It's unfortunate that he doesn't realize he's more suited to filming and editing and not acting and writing. I'm going to take a wild guess and say that English was not one of his better subjects in school.

    Is that supposed to be about the Bores? I don't get it.

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  4. @Anon (January 2nd 10:19 AM)
    Haha thanks.
    All three of these Road Trip videos are full of unfunny stereotypes, this pilot had the worst ones.

    Kevin Murphy: Ahhh Michael Bay, all the racial sensitivity of a 1940s Disney Animator. (from RiffTrax covering Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen)

    @vnisanian
    Yes I will recommend the best IG parodies as well.

    @Mr. Lizard
    I think y2b2010 was saying that Bores is better suited behind the scenes with a camera, rather then doing EVERYTHING.

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  5. Oh, and for the record Daniel, I actually like Silent Rob. But, as they always say, "To Each his Own"

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  6. He's a huge idiot back then as he is an idiot right now. Bores should be declared legally retarded.

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  7. I got a laugh out of the Hoth scene where Chris is pointing in the wrong direction.

    Putting a Taco Bell in the Mexican scene, though, was something else entirely...

    @BatDan
    Excellent, glad to hear you'll be getting Third Rate Gamer and Irritated Gamer some deserved recognition. These guys are required viewing but they don't get nearly enough views.

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  8. @ Batdan

    Aw Geez.

    This may be just my opinion, but you're a little rough on Rijno and PokeCapn.

    Rijno is a friend of Darkness the Curse, AKA the Sane Revelation AKA Josh. Both Darkness and Rijno did a Let's Play on "Sonic 06", a game quoted by ScrewAttack as "The worst game of the decade".

    PokeCapn is a member of Something Awful, and I love his Let's Plays of "Sonic 06" and "Sonic And the Black Knight"

    Even if both guys are bad, at least in your mind, I can tell you that their videos are more entertaining than the Irate Lamer.

    Cloud8745, however, was a selfish prat who asked his fanboys for money for a new computer, so buff him.

    And SilentRob... well, you can dislike him all you want, but could you please tell me why, at least in a couple of sentences as you go on?
    (I'm not a big fan of him anyway)

    And don't forget Neverchris. That guy is cool.
    :)

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  9. Why are they dancing to Scottish music in Ireland?

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  10. @Anon (January 2nd 4:24 PM)
    Rijno and Darknessthecurse annoy me. Rijno for his bad videos and irritating voice, Darkness for his immense stupidity (I'm going to close my account with over 10,000 subs for the lulz) and overzealous Sonic fanboyism.

    I've never seen any of PokeCapn's work so I can't judge.

    I just don't like Silent Rob's reviews. He focuses on stuffing in more F-bombs then substance. Plus his Mega Man 4 review was terrible (the soundtrack is great you idiot).

    @Anon (January 3rd 9:22 AM)
    You expected Bores to know the difference? I'm surprised he didn't play Tribal African music there.

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  11. Yeah I didn't understand that bout Rob's Megaman 4 review. The soundtrack is pretty standard fare for a Megaman game. Infact it has some pretty memorable stuff (Such as the Cossack/Wily castle tracks). Eh whatever.

    I have this gut feeling IG will attack the NES Willow game. If you've never played it, lemme just say its fucking great (Alot like Zelda). A cult classic of the NES, much like Goonies 2. I can imagine it now. It will consist of whining bout how it has nothing to do with the movie (who cares), that it's too hard, mixed in with an unfunny sketch routine and a bunch of terrible jokes.

    Wait a minute, think I just summed up all his reviews in a nutshell -_-;

    Oh yeah props to TV tropes for best describing his So bad it's good formula: "Constant research errors, blatant stealing, and bad special effects. Yet you just can't wait to see how much worse he's going to get."

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  12. The funny thing about Silent Rob is that I actually made one of those "Fucking Short Version" vids of all three parts of his Action 52 review, but didn't think about releasing it due to the whole $5 thing. I think I counted like 180 f-bombs. And all three parts combined is like 30 minutes. If there was a fourth part, I would of put, "more than all 2 seasons of 'Black Lagoon'" when it reached f-bomb number 260.

    Didn't someone say that Silent Rob offically has Tourettes or something?

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  13. Speaking of good reviewers, have you watched a user named RedLetterMedia on Youtube? He did reviews of the Phantom Menace and the Star Trek TNG films, and they are some of the funniest reviews I've ever seen. Admittedly, the guy does do a bit too many dead wife jokes and pizza rolls requests, but he is still hilarious. And unlike Bores, RLM makes devastatingly accurate comments about the flaws in the movies that he reviews. If Bores would sit down and watch this guy--and not steal from him--he might actually learn a thing or two about how to review a game or movie and create a character that isn't a rip-off of the AVGN.

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  14. Wow, I just watched the Aladdin review again (to torture myself and for the lulz) and I noticed that the he has actually given the dedicated fan ACTUAL CREDIT!

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  15. What IS it with Chris Bores and food?

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  16. @Kama
    Haha that's all of his reviews in a few sentences. Though I have a feeling he'd hate Batman on NES because it isn't like the movie. I haven't seen Willow but I'll try the game out.

    And yes, TVTropes does some up the bile fascination perfectly.

    @vicviper
    I figured it was Tourettes when he had a fit over AkewsticRockR's constructive criticism over "too many F-Bombs"
    I remember seeing the Black Lagoon Fucking Short Version, now I want to find a copy.

    @ineptgamer
    I checked out the first part of his Phantom Menace review. The ending with the "describe the character" challenge was brilliant, and goes to show how forgettable Phantom Menace really is.
    "Meesa Jar Jar Binks" And yousa going to be snark bait for eternity.

    @RemoveCarefully
    I just checked and you're right. I guess Mr. Proper was annoyed that he wasn't credited for his shitty remix.

    @Anon (January 3rd 5:51 PM)
    I'd go for the easy fat jokes, but I'm just going to say he's an idiot.
    I still shake my head at the Breakfast Rants or any video about cereal. No one cares about Yummy Mummy Chris, you're an idiot.

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  17. I noticed that one of William Hung's music video (that schmuck from early American Idol who somehow butchered a Ricky Martin song ages ago) was playing in the background during that silly dance scene. Forgive my ignorance, but what does William Hung have to do with Mexico?

    Daniel, I don't know what video you were watching, but the woman's scream in the Metropolis scene sounded more like she was speaking very loudly with very little dread or fear in her voice. Perhaps the anonymous actress quickly realized what video she was in and decided to phone it in that day.

    Regarding other reviewers: These days, the only game review show I regularly follow these days on the 'Tube is Classic Game Room HD. It has a fairly simple format that tells me almost all the major points I'd need to know about a video game and doesn't rely on overblown production values, elaborate story lines, or cheap gimmicks to put out an entertaining show... although it does have the occasional quips and quirky moments too.

    The only other reviewer person I tend to follow is Dr. Ashen, although I don't really consider him a reviewer of video games (although he has done a couple) so much as he's a reviewer of cheap knock-off tat such as LED games molded after PSPs or Dollar-store quality FM radios disguised as iPods. Also, he doesn't seem to update all too often as of late, but other than that, I found him to be pretty hilarious. Not bad considering most of his reviews features his hands playing with said rip-off devices.

    Aside from those two, I've caught a couple other reviews here and there, but that's about it really. There were a couple guys I recall watching whose stuff I really liked, but they seemed to drop off the face of the earth and stopped posting for some reason.

    On a sidenote, I've somehow managed, through sheer force of will, to sit through a couple Silent Rob reviews - specifically his series of Mega Man reviews. And I have to be brutally honest - no disrespect to any of his fans - if given a choice between watching the Irate Gamer and Silent Rob for the rest of my life, I'd much rather be watching the Irate Gamer.

    Whatever negatives can be said about the Irate Gamer's reviews - and there are a shitload of negatives; the existence of the various parodies and this blog is certainly proof of that - I can go out on a limb and at least call them "reviews." Poorly-scripted, ill-conceived reviews that have many inaccuracies and says little about the game itself, but reviews nonetheless.

    Watching Silent Rob's Mega Man reviews, I get the feeling that he seemed more concerned with getting as many F-bombs and vulgarity in his videos than he does with giving a decent review or his own impressions on the games themselves. Whatever actual points were made in the review are apparently lost upon me as I'm too distracted by the barrage of profanity that seems to come at me every five seconds or less - the few I did catch, I didn't particularly agree with. I also could have done without seeing him open up the emulator options to pick out the next game.

    Maybe some of his other videos might be a little better and probably worth the five bucks he's charging, but I somehow doubt it and certainly don't care enough to find out.

    As far as my standards go, let me put it this way. I usually enjoy watching a guy who got popular talking about diarrhea dumps in his ear, cloning himself from his own fecal matter, expressing a desire to nail rabbits on a cross, going on long-winded vulgarfests after finding out he could just walk over it, and taking a dump on Bugs Bunny... oh yeah, he also plays bad games and swears a lot on a regular basis.

    If my standards were high, that wouldn't have been the case, regardless of the guy's talent or gaming acumen. But as it is, my tastes tend to vary. I'll just leave it at that for now since I don't feel like writing an essay today.

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  18. @dtm666
    I did point out the William Hung video. Though I have to ask, is Turkey famous for their dance clubs or something?

    I watch both CGR and Dr. Ashen. The narrator for CGR needs to work on his voice, he sounds bored half the time. But I love "Terrible Games You've Never Heard Of" and all the rip-offs Ashens reviews.

    I wouldn't pay Silent Rob a penny... wait he's still charging for his shitty website? Hasn't he learned his lesson the last time he did that? If he wants money then go to Blip.

    But yeah, he got popular for doing one of the only Action 52 reviews on YouTube and being the first to call out the Irate Gamer.
    Now-a-days there's many Action 52 reviews (the best belongs to Armake21) and everyone hates the Irate Gamer now (except for idiots).

    I guess the main reason I like the AVGN is that he's entertaining and quotable. Plus James Rolfe is a competent filmmaker and pretty cool guy.
    You also have other video game reviewers like Lee of Still Gaming, The SpoonyOne, Angry Joe and a lot of others that add their own spin to the concept.

    The point I'm trying to make is, IG is boring and unentertaining

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  19. @BatDan
    My last post went over the limit and I had to end my thoughts there. Let me bore you with more exposition...

    By no means, did I mean to take a pot shot at the AVGN with my above comment. If anything, I watch the Nerd for the sake of nostalgia and to relive the old feelings and frustrations I used to have when I was a kid playing games. Anytime a Nerd episode covers a game I haven't played in ages, I could say, "Oh yeah, I remember that game."

    The first Nerd episode I saw was TMNT, which was one of the first games I had for the NES way back when and consider it to be a far better game than most people claim it to be. After watching that episode and the whole "Cowa-fucking-piece-of-dog-shit" spiel at the end of it, my first thought was "This guy's a fucking idiot."

    Now if my standards were high in regards to my online entertainment, he would have been an afterthought. But he did get a chuckle or two and I did agree with some of his complains, so I gave him a chance and checked out his other stuff. As time went on, I started to enjoy the Nerd's work enough to check out James' other stuff. Eventually, I was hooked and follow his stuff to this day and still get some enjoyment out of it.

    To me, the really sad thing is that people think James got popular because he plays bad games and cusses a lot. As a result, many of these wannabes rip off that particular aspect (badly) while not quite grasping what really made the Nerd tick; the whole idea being that, despite some of the valid criticisms on the games he covers, you're not supposed to take the Nerd's review of a 20+ year old game seriously. At least, that was my perception of the whole deal based on reading the Cinemassacre FAQ.

    It seems rather strange that the high standard of video game video reviews belongs to a guy whose reviews are a very parody of the concept.

    However, I must disagree that IG is unentertaining. While the actual show is boring, he's providing in-direct entertainment by providing certain YouTubers with enough material to create decent parodies of him.

    So that I've gotten that dead weight out of the way, let me address your other points:

    I had forgotten that the Hung thing was mentioned - my bad. Still, it begs the question as to why such a random choice was made.

    I never had a problem with the CGR guy's voice; in fact, I found him to be a breath of fresh air after watching reviews with everybody either having high-pitched voices or screaming off the top of their lungs to tell interesting stories. It's just... different.

    I don't know if Silent Rob is still charging people for his site. I didn't even know he had a site until I saw some video of him explaining why the five dollar fee was necessary or something - and I'm not sure how old that video is. It seems sad that for a guy who got popular in exposing the Irate Gamer, his own material tends to be worse.

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  20. When Chris and Idiot are in Turkey, and they're dancing, I noticed that they were SMALLER than most of the people. And because they're in front of all of them I'm going to guess our two douches go up to the people's knees.

    Yeah, that's really proffesional film making right there...

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  21. An easter egg on Easter island, William Hung, and Florida is most well known for the Everglades which has many trees.

    *cocks gun*

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  22. Hey, you know what this crap reminds me of? That scene from Wayne's World in which Wayne and Garth hop from place to place using only backdrops, and the only real difference was that it was funny. Bores is like some kind of parasite, sucking all the humour out of everyone else's work.

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    Replies
    1. There was also a joke in Wayne's World 2 where they did film the actual locations, but didn't use the real actors and just had doubles with their backs turned. Again, that was funny and had contextual relevance since they said something beforehand about not being cheapskates on the production. Bores and Cunt have no concept of comedy.

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  23. Naruto Abridged has also been using alot of CCS lately, as well.

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  24. Apologies to the Tauntans, Wampas, and other fine citizens of Hoth.

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