Happy 2010 everyone. Well we wait for The Bores to crap out another video, I’ll analyze an old video that can only be seen at the Chris & Scottie Road Trip site (and has been mirrored to YouTube thanks to y2b2010).
I feel comfortable linking it since it doesn’t go to IG’s channel.
Like the previous Road Trip video, I’ll go location by painful location.
Home: Oh man this green screen is terrible. It makes Superman IV look realistic. I think Scottie is a worse actor then Chris, he keeps missing his cues.
Ireland: The two idiots are in front of a bar (wow that’s not stereotypical at all) and claim they’ve been drinking for 24 hours. Scottie can’t do an Irish accent and the green screen is painful. Then they start “dancing” to Irish music.
*Apologies to Irish people everywhere*
Easter Island: What the hell is with the perspective? The statues are obviously at a distance but they’re too close to them, does Easter Island turn you into a giant? Bores starts stuttering “big… heads” over and over and then we see the most predictable joke ever. Scottie finds an Easter Egg.
*Apologies to Chileans everywhere*
Florida: The two idiots visit the Everglades. What does Bores mean by “Didn’t have to go far to get to Florida” is he implying that Easter Island is close? Easter Island is in the Pacific Ocean they’re nowhere close.
Then Bores delivers a line that puts Humphrey Bogart to shame “Now Florida is most… well… known for the Everglades.” The next Robert De Niro everybody! Also, Florida is well-known for more then just that. I think people prefer the beaches, the theme parks and the warm weather, not the alligator-infested wetlands.
The scene ends with more stiff delivery and Scottie getting bitten by an alligator off-screen. Yeah that’s not funny.
*Apologies to the citizens of Florida*
Egypt: Most what place on earth? Mind-baffling? Who the fuck talks like that?
There’s a gag where Scottie loses his hat and Bores gives a description of the pyramids that amounts to “I can’t seem to read my script”. By the way, nice logo in the stock footage dumbass.
Scottie finds his hat only to find their camel crapped in it… wait what?
*Apologies to Egyptians everywhere*
Mexico: The two idiots come dancing in to La Cucaracha in front of a Taco Bell singing about tacos and burritos. Wow, Chris Bores is racist. There’s no subtly or charm it’s just straight-up stereotypes, it’s like if Michael Bay remade North. To continue the insults Scottie says “Yo quiero Taco Bell” and they start listing off stereotypical Mexican food. Then for no reason they start dancing, and Scottie wants some water. So Bores buys a bottle while a disclaimer shows up saying not to drink the water in Mexico. Do I even have to explain what’s wrong with this?
*SEVERE apologies to Mexicans everywhere*
Turkey: The two idiots are in front of the Sultan Ahmed Mosque (or Blue Mosque) as Scottie is clutching his stomach because the water in Mexico gave him week-long diarrhea (this raises far too many questions that I’ll bring up in the end). You know, I want some of that water from City 17. Maybe I’ll forget this horrible video.
The scene ends with the two of them dancing in front of a William Hung music video. I… just… guh.
*Apologies to Turkish people everywhere*
???: No really that’s what they labeled it.
They’re in front of an Arctic wasteland as Bores continues to show his “acting” chops with a performance that makes William Shatner sound natural.
Then an abrupt transition brings in footage from The Empire Strikes Back of AT-AT Walkers approaching. Yeah that’s the joke. I think Bores’ performance in Monster Party is a step UP from this. He’s even grinning as they’re “running away” scared.
*Apologies to George Lucas and Star Wars fans everywhere*
Metropolis: Oh no. They’re not going to do what I think they’re going to do.
They are. Scottie is pretending to be Clark Kent as they visit Metropolis and wonder who Superman really is (they also say it’s Clark Kent’s hometown even though anyone would tell you his hometown is Smallville. Bores claims to be a fan of comic books, yet he makes this very simple mistake). Then a woman screams and Scottie goes “flying” off. They don’t even try to make him look like Superman, they don’t even use a T-Shirt with Superman’s logo on it. This is pathetic.
Also, I did a quick search and the only two cities in the USA called Metropolis are in Nevada and Illinois. The Nevada town is a ruined ghost town and the Illinois town is the picture book definition of “Redneck Central” and they also hold an annual Superman festival.
Oh and *Apologies to DC Comics and Superman fans everywhere*
You know, there’s a lot of illogical things about these “Road Trip” videos I want to address. If they’re going around the world how come they keep wearing the same clothes? It makes sense if it was a uniform but they’re wearing street clothes, and they aren’t cartoon characters either. Plus if Scottie had diarrhea for a week then why didn’t he bring it up until now?
You know what I think? I’m overanalyzing a shitty video made by a hack filmmaker trying to get famous but only receives ridicule.
Now I want to take a few moments and address some other things that have been bothering me.
In IG’s Q*Bert review he did a pointless gag about Press Your Luck. He mentioned in the video comments that it took him hours to create the board and put it together. This goes to show he focuses WAY too much on 10 second gags then he does his own writing. Then I remembered the Nostalgia Critic’s review of Judge Dredd, there he used a Press Your Luck gag (this one made sense since Dredd set his gun to Double Whammy) and you know what the Critic used? Actual footage from the show. Yeah, he didn’t waste his time recreating the board for a 5 second reference.
This also gives a couple ideas to why his videos take so damn long. Like the custom cards in the Odyssey review he spent way too much time on a throw-away joke that has nothing to do with the subject at hand.
See, rather then use his brain and write something decent he wastes time with bullshit like this. MOVING ON!
There’s a “joke” at the end of his Monster Party review where he shouts “motherfucker” but is cut off before he could finish. This makes absolutely no sense.
Cursing Cut Short only works on shows that don’t use curse words (like Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged does CCS all the time). However, the Irate Gamer constantly drops F-Bombs so the joke doesn’t make any logical comedic sense.
Lastly I want to address the fanboys that say “I like both AVGN and IG, why can’t you?” This one I’m seeing the most lately. I have no problem liking multiple reviewers (in fact the next post will be about reviewers I recommend) but I don’t understand how you can enjoy both?
If you enjoy the AVGN then you should realize how unentertaining The Bores really is. Are your standards really that low that you’ll laugh at anything video game related? That you’ll laugh at other crappy reviewers like alexan (I’m going to separate his name so he doesn’t invade this and go apeshit, calling us all stupid and his jokes genius then make video responses saying why we're wrong) der4488, NC17 Productions, Silent Rob (long story to why I don’t like this guy), GoldenWoozie, or the countless other AVGN rip offs out there? Do you laugh at bad Let’s Players like Rijno, Cloud8745, and all the failed SomethingAwful users?
Sorry about that, I just don’t understand the logic.
So next time, I’ll turn on my cherry side and recommend good reviewers to check out. Unless Bores releases a video in the time I write it up.