Wednesday, July 28, 2010

E3 Finale: Over a Month After the Expo Ended It's Finally Over!

GottGame officially has the WORST E3 coverage ever. Instead of releasing a whole bunch of footage over the course of two weeks, they slowly release it bit by bit, long after people stopped caring about E3.

Hell, they were still doing coverage when Comic-Con started. Just another reason why GottGame is ridiculed for being absolutely idiotic. That and they hired the Irate Gamer.
Which brings me to some good news, IG has FINALLY finished his E3 coverage. Now I can recap the rest of the boring.

When we last left our fool, he was drooling over games nobody cares about. Now, our conclusion.

Lufia: Curse of the Sinistrals
Before I talk about the video, I want to point out how he calls each video “Irate’s E3 Coverage”. Is he trying to say Irate is his first name? What’s wrong with saying “Chris Bores’ E3 Coverage”, at least it doesn’t sound stupid.

Bores mentions he had to check out Lufia. When he starts the interview, he turns to the title just to remind himself what he’s doing, smoooooth. Have to love how he slowly says Sinistrals.
He starts the interview claiming to be a big fan and the first game was one of the first RPGs he ever played. Screw you, we can tell you’re easily lying. You probably didn’t know Lufia existed until SWAG told you what it was.
Oh, and if you were such a fan you would have noticed this was a remake of Lufia II: Rise of the Sinestrals. It shouldn’t be that hard to replace Rise with Curse and put two and two together.

As for his questions, same old shit. Power-ups, characters, length, generic shit that could be applied to any game.

Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions
“Activision has been working on a new Spider-Man game that fans have been eagerly anticipating” I highly doubt that considering the last good Spider-Man game was released in 2004, the others have been forgettable or crap.
I think they don’t care anymore. Unless we get something on the level of Arkham Asylum, and honestly it looks like another forgettable Spider-Man game.

“To help unravel this tangled web…” Grrrr *stops* No I can’t get pissed too early, there’s still 10 videos after this.
Why does he have to look at the title when he announces the game? It seems like SWAG just told him “interview that guy over there” without giving him any real info.
What’s wrong with this guy’s accent? No not Bores, the guy he’s interviewing. He sounds like a French Game Dude.

His questions? Charcters, powers, levels and release date. Why did SWAG think Bores was good at interviewing? That GI Joe interview from 2009 should have been an indication that he shouldn’t do anymore interviews!
He also asks when the fourth one will be revealed and we’re told at Comic-Con. Turns out it was just Ultimate Spider-Man, big shocker.

Bonk: Brink of Extinction
Oh goody, another revival of a semi-forgotten 16-bit mascot.
“I was excited to see a new Bonk game!” Chris, do you even know what a TurboGrafx-16 is? Just wondering.
Surprise, he asks about the power-ups. Along with “is dis a throwback or remake?” I don’t know, why not the fact it’s in HD tell you?!
I’m not even listening to what the reps say, I just “spin on” to the next Bores question or voiceover.

Castlevania: Harmony of Despair
During his voiceover, you’ll notice he never says the games full title. It’s always “the new *game*” Like the new Castlevania, the new Bonk, the new Lufia. You were there Bores, say the full title in post!

“If you enjoyed the recent DS games, you’ll enjoy this.” No. I did some research and you don’t even gets stats in this game. If anything, it’s just an enhanced Boss Rush mode with co-op and extra rooms to give you stronger weapons.
“I really like the zoom feature, you can see what’s going in the castle. Vewy coo’” Actually the main purpose is to monitor the other players, it is a multiplayer game after all.

“I’m here playing Castlevania: Harmony of Despla- Despair” Really, you couldn’t do a second take? I’m sure the rep wouldn’t mind that.
And he asks about number of stages, of course.

“The graphics are a throwback to the 8-Bit version…” WHAT? Are you fucking serious? Nothing about that is remotely 8-Bit! My brain just imploded at the stupidity of that comment, it’s like he’s doing this on purpose.
This does go back to his TMNT II review when he suggested they remove the extra levels and put the “space” towards technical improvement. Or he’s just retarded.
Apparently he came to that conclusion because he noticed enemies from the original game. Wow, skeletons and bats, it’s not like any other game in existence has those!

1/3rd of the way done.

Saw II: Flesh & Blood
He mentions in the description he doesn’t know much about the series, and then makes an annoying Superman reference. Yeah I should remember Bores’ references make the same amount of sense as Family Guy.

The video actually starts with the interview. Hey cameraman, get both of them in the shot, don’t have the rep introduce himself off-screen.
Normally I won’t bring up what the interviewees say but I have to mention this. “It’s called Flesh & Blood because there’s a lot of blood and gore” Nooooooooooo really? Gore in a game based off a horror movie about torture?
Did Konami just send one of their janitors to talk to Bores? Though, considering their press conference that doesn’t sound too far off.

Sadly, the only idiotic thing was that Flesh & Blood comment.

Tron & Lara Croft and the Guardian of Light
IG goes to the Tron booth, and fangasms over the various Tron displays and the newest game Tron: Evolution (at least the Wii version of it). He follows that with A MONTAGE! GAAAAAA *static*
Is he faking it? I don’t think he’s using the motion controls correctly.

This is followed by ANOTHER montage, this one of Bores playing various games that are far more interesting than half the crap he’s covered. God of War: Ghost of Sparta, LittleBigPlanet 2, Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit, Dead Rising 2 (or as he calls it Deadrising, that’s not even a word!), NBA Jam, and Donkey Kong Country Returns. Yeah it’s the exact same montage as the one in the Pac-Man video. Though, looking at the upcoming videos he does cover the last two.

Why did he include Lara Croft and the Guardian of Light in the title? He only briefly mentions that game. He also talks about Guitar Hero: Warriors of Rock and DJ Hero 2. Feh, Rock Band 3 will destroy both of those games.

Why does he keep calling these “First Look Reviews”? They’re not reviews since the game isn’t complete, and they’re certainly as hell NOT first looks since this footage has been out for a while.

Yeah, it’s just a boring interview. He thinks that NBA Jam was the game to introduce hidden characters. NBA Jam was released in 1993, the first well-known hidden character was Reptile in Mortal Kombat and that came out in 1992. Hell, the secret character article at Wikipedia doesn’t even acknowledge NBA Jam. Spin on!

Sonic the Hedgehog 4
For some reason, this video has the most views. I did notice it on the front page a few times, I guess Bores used a certain code word to get it noticed.

“A lot of us called Sonic & Knuckles ‘Sonic 4’” Nobody called it that. It connected with Sonic 3, it’s the other half of Sonic 3 they couldn’t fit onto the initial cartridge. Thus the game’s full title “Sonic 3 & Knuckles”. At least the Sega Rep corrects him.
And his questions include length of the game and different characters. Fuck me this is dumb. He also claims to have read up on this game because he’s really excited for it. Bores can read?

Sonic Colors
During the interview, Bores is hit with a small toy. In the description he says it was a Sega rep that he was teasing earlier. Are you sure it wasn’t a person that knew who you were and that you’re a fraud?
IG mentions that he absolutely hated Unleashed. Dude, you’re in front of a Sega representative, don’t be a dick. At least Spoony expressed his true opinion AWAY from developers and reps. Also, you only played an hour of it, you didn’t get past the flying stages. You have no right to say that shit.

And of course, he asks about levels and characters. “Now will we see Knuckles and Tails?” You can see Tails in the trailer! Ugh. Only three more videos left.

The next video isn’t E3 related. Rather it’s a follow-up to Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions, talking about the fourth character’s reveal at Comic-Con.
“A couple weeks ago, I reviewed Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions” You didn’t fucking review it. You barely even talked about it, you just asked some French guy a few generic questions. There’s a difference between “review” and “preview”. LEARN IT!

The rest of the video is just the trailer. The BlackBuster Critic brought up that he hopes Bores isn’t getting money from this video because he didn’t do a damn thing, 90% of the video is the trailer.

Donkey Kong Country Returns & Kirby’s Epic Yarn
Well, at least the title of the video has the word preview in it. But it still says First Look and Review, missing the point there Bores.
The video starts with Bores drooling over Donkey Kong Country Returns, with plenty of forced “vewy coo’” and “FAN-tastic”. “A new stomping the ground technique” Nooo, you can do that in the original DKC. Down + Y.
He also mentions 2-player co-op but would have liked it to be 4-player like “the Mario title”. Is that hard to say New Super Mario Bros. Wii?
He asked a representative if the old bosses would be back, along animals you can ride. Obviously they didn’t tell him because Nintendo likes to keep things secret. You should know this.
“Another new title on display was the Kirby game” Good lord you can’t even read the sign! What’s wrong with saying the full title?
He found the game weird and couldn’t full appreciate it. You just don’t know quality when you see it.

3DS and Wrap-Up
Finally, the last damn video.
He tells us this video is sponsored by Gamer Grub. What’s Gamer Grub? Flavored chips, said to help you be a better gamer. Sorry, Mountain Dew already beat you.

Bores begins by telling us things we already know. This is nothing new Bores, stop wasting time.
He also shows off a picture he took. That picture looks nothing like E3, and the quality is way too high. Obviously he just took a random picture of himself and shopped it onto a stock 3DS photo.
So he moves onto the games, oh joy. “a new Star Fox game”. It’s not a new game, it’s a remake of Star Fox 64. There’s a difference.
“Now the last feature I must mention is one a lot of my fans will appreciate” Okay then… “Not only can you download classic NES games, but they can be converted into 3D! How coo’ is that?” Your fans would appreciate this? Dude, your fans are like 12, they don’t care about the games. They only like the Jewish skeletons, the annoying Star Wars references, and cutaway gags. That’s the truth.
Bores lists off all the classic demos he played. Ending on *sighs* Super Mario World. Yeah, once again he called Super Mario World an NES game. I still can’t believe people think he’s legit, he’s made this mistake TWICE. Fucking proles! Blind to talent and quality, growing dumber every single day! GAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

EDIT: Turns out the demo did have Super Mario World and Yoshi's Island. But he only said NES games, so it makes the inclusion of SMW sound unbelievably uninformed.

Bores FINALLY wraps it up, standing in front of a sign that says “Creativity Unleashed”. Cue the irony thud.
He just recaps all the stuff he saw and that there was so much he couldn’t get to. “E3 is finally over” yeah it was over a month ago. We’ve moved on.
And that’s the end of it, including a shot of Bores trying to look going down an escalator. No, it will never work.

Ugh. It’s finally over, his E3 shit is done! I hope he NEVER goes again, because that fuckhead doesn’t deserve it.
Now he’s going to start another review. As in, start the review from scratch. No, working on it during the E3 videos would make too much sense.
Considering his slow pace, the next review will come out in… late September. Labor Day if we’re lucky.

I also want to bring up that Bores has removed the original Zombies Ate My Neighbors review, only the remastered version is up. He even tries to disguise it by removing “Remastered” from the title (but the idiot forgot to remove it from the description). Oddly enough, the old MUSCLE review is still up. I don’t get it.

But you know what’s funny about the Internet? Someone will always find a way to repost it.

See you guys later.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Redux Recap: Movie and Breakfast Filler Fun

*reads comments on IG’s E3 videos* Nobody seems to point out how E3 has been over a long time. In fact, I’m seeing shit like “best E3 coverage ever” and “most complete” and other shit like that. Haven’t these retards ever heard of GameTrailers?

Actually, this goes back to my YouTube Proles idea. YouTube Proles only know of YouTube, the idea of a different video site is too much for them to comprehend. If it’s not on YouTube, then it doesn’t exist.
Still, wouldn’t they know of Machinma?

When I get to recapping the rest of the E3 videos, I’ll avoid scrolling down to the comments. I’ll just point out how only 3 people brought up his “throwback to the 8-bit games” horseshit when talking about Castlevania: Harmony of Despair.
If it’s any consolation, the only positive comments he’s getting at GottGame are from his mommy (LadyBuggin777).

Now it’s time for another Redux Recap.
Chris Bores went to film school. He didn’t graduate but he went to it. So by that I’m going to assume he’s somewhat of a movie buff. However, after this Top 10 list I greatly question his taste in movies.

So let’s look at his Top 10 Summer Movies of 2008. Originally I wasn’t going to do this, but then I remembered there’s A LOT of material to make fun of here.

Intro: Bores starts off telling us he read AOL’s Top 20 Summer Movies list (haha, he uses AOL) and whining that the list sucked. What was on the list? I don’t know, and I can’t find the original article. But he has a problem with Jennifer Aniston having a movie on the list.
I checked Jennifer Aniston movies in 2008, and the only one was the critical and commercial success Marley & Me. If that was the movie, then it’s based on a successful book.

Because he’s tired of seeing lousy lists (and no he doesn’t mention any other lists, just AOL) he decided to make his own. So then, let’s see what Chris is excited for.

Number 10: The X-Files: I Want to Believe
Or as he calls it, The X-Files 2 (with a nice little fake 2 at the end).
He’s glad this movie is not using aliens but going back to paranormal happenings. He expresses how he loves and craves that drivel, even using this opportunity to plug Haunted Investigators. That doesn’t scream “buy my DVD” at all.
Then he says he hasn’t heard much but it should please fans of the show.

And now I shall provide the audience consensus.
Audience says: It was mediocre.

Number 9: Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay
There’s no “x” in escape Chris. It’s not “ex-cape”
He says he liked the first one, and the trailer looks hilarious.
“They even brought back Doogie Howser for this one.” His name is Neil Patrick Harris, he’s a respectable actor now and really sexy. … What?
Seriously, don’t just label him with the role he played as a kid.

Audience says: It was more of the same, only less funny.

Number 8: The Incredible Hulk
Bores mentions he was never a fan. He never read the comics or watched the TV show. So why are you excited?
“I’ll just make sure to keep him away from my Nintendo system…” There never was a Hulk game on the NES. The earliest two were Questprobe featuring The Hulk (early computer game) and The Incredible Hulk on SNES, Genesis, Master System, and Game Gear. Remind me how long you’ve been playing video games.

He also laughs about the first one being so bad, that they had to reboot it. Not really funny.
“They cast Edward Norton as Rex Banner” Hey, he was telling the truth about not being a fan. Otherwise, he’d know that the Hulk’s human side is Bruce Banner (or if you’re going by the TV show David Banner). Rex Banner was a one-shot character on The Simpsons, a parody of Chicago Prohibition agent & Untouchables founder Eliot Ness.

Audience says: It was decent

Number 7: Hellboy II: The Golden Army
He just shows his “enthusiasm” over the prospect of seeing demons, superheroes and “crazy characters”. He also says he never read any of the comics. Hmmmm
He’s also excited to see David Hyde Pierce is reprising his role as Abe Sapien. Who cares?
“Should be a good flick methinks” Don’t try to class this up, it’s already boring.

Audience says: Not bad.

Number 6: Iron Man
“I just love these comic book movies, I think every movie released should be a comic book movie” Close-minded aren’t we?
“This is another great movie I’d like to see get the live-action treatment.” What? Iron Man is a comic book, this is the first Iron Man movie. Well, there was a direct-to-DVD animated movie released in 2007, but that shouldn’t excuse the stupidity of that statement.

“I was never a big reader of Iron Man, but I have read a few issues”. You want all movies to be based on comic books, and yet the three you mentioned you’ve barely read or never read at all. Am I missing something here? Are you just a close-minded casual movie-goer that only wants explosions and action?
He continues drooling over the trailer and effects. Yeah…

Audience says: It was awesome.

To try and make more ad revenue, Bores released this video in two parts. Let’s check out #5-1.

Number 5: Hancock
Bores mentions that he didn’t know anything about this movie, glancing over reports about it. But when he saw the trailer he “was literally blown away”. Did the movie shoot you? Did it strap a bomb to your chest and detonate it? How did it literally blow you away?
That’s a pet peeve I have, people that use “literally” when they mean “figuratively”.

He also says that it can’t wrong because Will Smith is the lead. He lists off some of his greats “I, Robot, Men in Black, Enemy of the State”. Ugh, I, Robot wasn’t a “great” movie, it wasn’t even a good one. Why not Ali or The Pursuit of Happyness? Because Chris Bores won’t watch a movie unless it has explosions or effects.

Audience says: It started out good but went FUBAR after he was released from prison.

Number 4: The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
Or as he calls it “Mummy 3” with some fake text in the poster.
Bores mentions that two of his all-time favorite movies are The Mummy and The Mummy Returns (or as he calls the latter “The Mummy 2”). See, they’re only good to him because there’s lots of pretty pictures and effects. Screw story, make way for special effects!

He also remarks that The Mummy was the first DVD he ever bought. I wouldn’t be too proud of that…
Then some more “Boy, I sure am excited” crap. This is really dull.

Audience says: BOOOOOOOO! You suck!

Number 3: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Before that, he tried to fake us out with Sex and the City. I didn’t laugh.
“How long has it been since the last one, 10 years?” Do some research you twat, Last Crusade came out 1989, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull came out 2008. That’s 19 years not 10. It’s not even close. Maybe if you said 20 years, I would have let it slide.
I mean, this is something you could find on Wikipedia. Oh that’s right, you don’t use it because “it’s always wrong”.

“He’s even got Louis Stevens with him, all right!” It’s been years since I’ve watched Disney Channel, but was Even Stevens a show both kids & adults could enjoy? If it’s not, then I’m a little uncomfortable that a man in his mid-to-late 20s watches Disney Channel.

He’s also disappointed that Sean Connery isn’t the movie, but realizes it’s not a big deal. Then why the hell did you bring it up?

Audience says: Definite Love It or Hate It

Number 2: The Dark Knight
Or as Bores (stupidly) calls it “Batman 2: The Dark Knight”.
He starts off saying he was worried that Christopher Nolan would screw up after thinking back to Batman & Robin (or as he calls it, Batman 4... Come on you’re not even trying). Dude, I doubt Warner Bros would have made the same mistake twice. They knew people wanted dark, so they gave them dark. They made sure to limit the camp, the bad dialogue, and the Bat-Nipples/Bat Credit Cards

More forced excitement combined with pictures. It’s almost done.

Audience says: OH GOD YES!

So we’ve finally reached the end, what will Bores choose? I wish I was making this up.

Number 1: Dragonball Evolution (back then it was just Dragon Ball)
Yeah, his number 1 choice was the live-action Hollywood adaptation of Dragon Ball. This made me think Bores is possibly brain-damaged.
“Finally, 6 years of rumors…” 6 years? Did the rumors really start in 2002?
“It’s nice to see this finally get the live-action treatment, because the story of Dragon Ball is a piece of literary genius” Wha… buh… ugh. What’s genius about Goku patting people on the crotch, energy blasts, perverted old men, planets blowing up, power levels, and the idea of “Oh don’t worry, we can just revive him”?
You want some actual genius manga? Read Fist of the North Star, Berserk, Monster, One Piece, Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure, and Hunter X Hunter.
I’m not saying Dragon Ball is bad, but calling it “genius” is pushing it. Unless you read Journey to the West, the story Dragon Ball was based on.

He also mentions that the hardcore “fanatics” are pissed about some of the choices being made (and rightfully so, because producers have this habit of taking cherished childhood icons and crushing them into piss-poor dust)
“With a series that spans 400 episodes, it’s unavoidable”. You expect them to fit ALL of Dragon Ball and DBZ into a 90 minute movie? This man calls himself a filmmaker. I’ll let that sink in.

“They got this guy playing Goku” Okay, what’s his name? “This guy playing Piccolo" What about his? Come on, give us some actual names. He brings up how Ernie Hudson was signed on and he’ll likely play Mr. Popo. I hope this is only his prediction, I really hope Dragon Ball fans weren’t that racist to consider this. By the way, Mr. Popo isn’t in the movie.

You know, if Bores really was a Dragon Ball fan, he wouldn’t be excited for this movie. Anyone can tell you it will suck, and guess what?

Audience says: My God it’s horrible!

So that was his first foray into movie reviews. It goes to show why I constantly criticize his taste in movies, he only likes big-budget blockbusters with a lot of effects and very little substance. Sure, he does review something worth watching but most of the time it’s soulless. Not to mention, being excited for Dragonball Evolution should qualify someone as legally retarded.

After the Top 10 List, Bores released a short video called “Rice Krispanese”. A mockumentry exploring the new language of Rice Krispanese.
It’s unbelievably stupid. That’s all I’ll say.
Okay, I will mention that it has some bad photoshops and one of the worst Jerry Seinfeld impressions I’ve ever heard. That’s about it. Yeah this is the only place I could talk about this unfunny shit dropping of a video.

*checks GottGame for latest E3 crap* Well he talks about Donkey Kong Country Returns and Kirby’s Epic Yarn, and a while back he said Nintendo would be last. That means IT’S ALMOST OVER! Woooo!

The next Redux Recap will be Contra Part 3, I'll get to it eventually.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Redux Recap: *insert WWE reference here*

I’m going to look at IG’s second longest Neo video, and that’s saying a lot because this one is only five and a half minutes.

WWE Smackdown vs. Raw 2008 (Wii). I’ve made it no secret that I’m not a wrestling fan. I didn’t grow up with it and from what I hear it’s not worth watching these days.
So if there’s any in-jokes I don’t catch, I apologize in advance.

Title: Again I hate to be nitpicky about the title but I can’t let this go. He wrote the game as “wwe SMACKDOWN vs. RAW 2008”. First of all, WWE needs to be capitalized since it’s an acronym. Second, why are SmackDown and Raw in big capital letters?
Of course, I’m asking the same guy that titled one video “Sonic Unleashed: The Hedgehog”. Is it that hard to title your videos?

Theme: This is the first video to introduce the IG Neo theme song. It’s just a stock track from Digital Juice, like all his other music.

0:22 - 0:45: IG announces the game he’s reviewing, then holds it up while doing narration. I still don’t get why he narrates over footage of himself, it would be like if a reporter was giving the news over footage of himself; and you see him moving around.
Also, his face looks screwed up. Since when did puffed up cheeks symbolize anger?

He mentions that he heard the Wii version of Smackdown vs. Raw was scaled back from the PS3 and 360 versions, tempting him to put it into his “game shredder”. Yes, your trusty “paper shredder” that you’ve only used once before and will never use after this video. Also, everyone knows the Wii isn’t as powerful as 360 & PS3, this is common knowledge. By whining about this it shows you still don’t know what you’re talking about.

He also tries to be intimidating yelling “Don’t think I’ll do it, cause I will!” Please, you’re about as intimidating as an 11 year old kid leaving death threats.

0:46 - 1:07: So the review starts with Bores complaining about the roster. Whining that all the wrestlers he knows of are locked and by the time he unlocks some he’ll be sick of playing. It’s called an incentive to play, if everything is unlocked from the start then it’s boring *looks at the last few Guitar Hero titles*

1:08 - 1:41: At first I didn’t want to do this video, I felt it didn’t have enough to debunk or make fun of. I was wrong.
Bores starts drooling over the entrances. Praising the game for being well-done, noting how the introductions are important to the game and it took THQ a long time to get them right.

I’m sorry, but weren’t there wrestling intros in games back on the Playstation and Nintendo 64? These aren’t new to Smackdown vs. Raw 2008, in fact there’s a reason it’s called “2008” because the series is annual, it’s like Madden. I doubt 2008 is when they finally decided to start adding intros.

And to the wrestling fans that read my blog, are intros really that important? Bores describes them as one of the most important things in a match, but all I see is the wrestler walking. He’s just walking and accepting his praise or hate. How the hell is this important?

1:42 - 1:53: Bores praises the gameplay, saying it’s easy to control. He brings up how he heard others had issues with the controls, but after 20 hours of playing he hasn’t had problems.
Holy shit, Bores played a game for more than 3 hours! That has to be a record.

1:54 - 2:04: He also remarks how the game has fast load times, prompting a gag where he tries to say something but is interrupted by a loading screen.
*flat as possible* Wow, that joke hasn’t been done before. You are such a wealth of humor Irate Gamer.
Seriously, even when Yahtzee did it in his Bionic Commando (2009) review it wasn’t funny. Okay it was a little funny because he used alcohol to represent the loading…

2:05 - 2:42: “Well I do find this game enjoyable, there are few things that pissed me off!” Wrong! You’re doing the review backwards, say your real opinion at the end after giving your thoughts.
So Bores complains that there’s a lack of match options. Holy crap, a problem that can be qualified as an actual complaint? There has to be a catch.
Bores starts asking about the cage matches, Hell in the Cell, table matches, and buried alive matches. They can’t put every single type of match in the game, there’s something called “technical limitations” that you have to consider.

Then he stars complaining that the Hardcore Matches aren’t hardcore, only giving the players a few chairs and he couldn’t break the announcers table. Can anyone confirm that this happens in the 360 and PS3 versions? If it doesn’t then it’s not worth complaining about. If it does then it’s still not worth complaining about.

2:43 - 3:13: Bores tests out the “create-a-character” mode and creates “Irate G”. “Wow, it’s like looking in a mirror” Actually the in-game you doesn’t look as retarded.
*woo woo woo woo* Ah crap the ego alarm went off again.

3:14 - 3:37: However, his one complaint is with creating the intros. He doesn’t get the option of viewing it and seeing if that’s what he wants.
Seriously what’s his obsession with entrances? If I see a review of a wrestling game, I don’t expect half of it to whine about the introductions.

3:38 - 3:56: Bores gets to the career mode, and for some reason he feels it’s lacking. I say “some reason” because he doesn’t give an explanation to this. He “feels” past games did a lot better. This is the first modern wrestling game you’ve played! How do you know this is lacking if you can’t make a comparison?

3:57 - 4:24: Then IG starts whining about a mode involving the Divas. Whining that he can’t find what purpose it serves. Funny, I could say the same thing about this complaint. What purpose does this scene serve?

The video ends with Bores saying it needs room for improvement but is still an enjoyable game. He apologizes to his Game Shredder (I can’t believe I just wrote that) and decides to destroy Bad Dudes on the NES. It wasn’t convincing when you put Where’s Waldo into a paper shredder, and it’s not convincing here. Also, wouldn’t it have made sense to shred a different wrestling game? You know, so this scene wouldn’t be random and out-of-place? Never mind, it would still be stupid.

But wait there’s more! A question comes up asking “Can you find Chris in the crowd?” and we get a couple TV clips of wrestling matches from 2000, in these the camera catches Bores in the crowd. In the first clip he’s holding an Al Snow sign, the second he’s just cheering. Okay, I don’t understand the purpose of showing these. I guess he wanted to say “I’m a wrestling fan guys, really”. I’ll believe this over his many false claims of being a gamer.

This review was meh. There were a few offending moments but overall it wasn’t anything rage-inducing.

Next Redux Recap will cover some filler videos that actually do have a lot wrong with them. One is his first foray into movie reviews, the second is the dumbest video related to Kellogg’s ever made.

Sweet merciful Kefka how many more E3 videos is he going to release? It’s been a month, nobody cares anymore.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

One Year Anniversary! + E3 Part 4: How Many More Videos Are There?!

First off, I'd like to thank zonic94 for reminding me that today is my blog's one year anniversary!
Last year, I set out to prove to the Internet that Chris Bores was more than just an AVGN rip-off. He was a liar, a bad actor, a terrible writer, a fake gamer, and a douchebag.
I wanted to show that his videos had nothing that could be considered "entertainment".
61 followers and lots of support later, I'm glad to still be here picking apart The Bores. Despite the objections of some insane fanboys.

I'd like to thank the following people:
nodategamers: For inspiring me to make this blog, even if you actually like IG now.
FFL2and3rocks: For the Third-Rate Gamer series and his support.
DLAbaoaqu: For the I Can't Believe It's Not AVGN series and his support.
MatthewErich: For showing just how lazy Bores' videos are and his support.
St. Lizard: For his info and support.
Mike *****: For plugging this blog when he gets the chance and his support.
All my readers: Without you this wouldn't be as popular as it is now.

Thank you everyone.

Right now, it's time to continue through the muck of IG's E3 2010 videos. Hunker down people this is going to hurt.
Last time, The Bores was drooling over Lego Harry Potter while standing next to a Hagrid statue attempting a joke. Seriously, Lego Irate Gamer is not a joke. Nothing about it is a joke.
* Fun Fact: In the YouTube version of this video, Bores fixed Hermione's name.
Maybe Bores should do that from now on, upload his videos to GottGame, receive messages about his mistakes, and then try to fix them. Then again, the only other time he did that was Tekken 6 and that made it worse.
He also lied about being a fan of the F.E.A.R. series.
And now, the continuation.

Star Wars video:
- Bores briefly talks about Lego Star Wars III: The Clone Wars. He notes that fans of the series might enjoy this. Is it any wonder why Bores steals? His own writing is barely grade-school.
- He also talks about The Old Republic. He sounded annoyed that despite covering it last year, they're still working on it. Hey genius, video games take time to develop. If you rush it you get a terrible game. You know, like ET on the Atari 2600. Oh, and he talks about the visuals. Next game.
- Bores moves on to The Force Unleashed II. "It picks up right where the first game left off." You play as Starkiller in the first game, you play as Starkiller in the second game. Of course it's going to pick up where the first one left off. Then he pads the video with the trailer.

Pac-Man video:
- This video starts with a montage of Bores looking at games that I'm actually interested in. Sonic 4 & Sonic Colors (with a picture of him standing next to a Sonic statue), Marvel vs. Capcom 3 (the aftermath of his ass-whooping, man that match is hilarious), and Castlevania: Lords of Shadow (there's a weird cut where after the Castlevania footage, he's swinging a Wii-mote around. Lords of Shadow isn't coming to the Wii).
- What does Bores say about these games? Absolutely nothing. I have a feeling that SWAG covered all the games people actually want, and Bores was stuck with garbage. After this and the following two videos, my theory isn't too far off.
- "After a Vietnamese army invaded, it was time to call it a day." What kind of sense does that make? Were they even Vietnamese? I don't get it.
* Fun Fact: In Keith Apicary's E3 videos, he actually stood in their line hoping they were off to kill somebody. He's not a coward, he even made G4 entertaining (a very hard feat to pull off).

- Bores attends Namco's Pac-Man event, celebrating his 30th anniversary. He also shows off two new Pac-Man games. ... I'm overjoyed.
- He talks about Pac-Man Party. Some mini-games he found fun, others he found boring. That's all he says. Because this is what people want to see at E3, a Pac-Man party game. Guh.
- He also looks at Pac-Man Battle Royale, a 4-player competitive version of Pac-Man. Great, more games I could care less about. Yeah, it's Pac-Man he's an icon, but if I wanted to play Pac-Man I could play one of the MANY ports out there.
-- That's not all. We get a montage of Bores trying to win the game. He actually does get a victory, though I wonder how many attempts it took to get that shot. His win causes a forced reaction and I still don't care.
* Fun Fact: Pac-Man Battle Royale is an Arcade exclusive, and there are currently no plans to make a console version. Poor Namco, still thinking Arcades are successful in America.
- The rest of the video is Bores taping this unfunny, 3D Pac-Man cartoon. Even IG's stupid fans called foul on this horrendous cartoon, and considering they're his fans that's saying a lot.

Yoostar 2
- I saw this title and had no idea what it was. A quick Wikipedia search told me it was computer-program where you can upload your videos to Yoostar's site. It was initially released in Bloomingdale's, that's a good sign right there. The sequel is expanding to the PS3 and 360. I'm going to laugh when I walk into a GameStop or Best Buy and see a ton of copies still on the shelf.
- The video starts with an interview, god damn it. Bores is talking to Shawn, oh hey he actually gave his name.
-- He describes Yoostar as "movie karaoke", you can put yourself into any of your favorite movie scenes. Okay, on paper it sounds interesting. Let's see how it's executed.
- Shawn performs the scene from The Terminator where the T-800 walks into the police station looking for Sarah Conner. ... And just as I thought, it looks like something that will be fun ONCE. I don't see the incentive in playing this more than once, even Achievement Whores would get bored.
- Bores tries it himself and does the same exact scene. Adding Arnold Schwarzenegger to the list of "people Chris Bores can't impersonate".
-- He also gets 8000 points for his performance. I saw some people cry foul on this, but I can see how he got it. The Terminator has no emotion, and Chris Bores can't show emotion outside of monotone. It makes sense.
- IG continues the interview, marveling over the technology. It doesn't look any different from a green screen, and you use those all the time.
-- Shawn advertises the studios they signed for and some of the movies you can play with. You know, if I wanted to play something related to The Terminator I wouldn't want to just say his lines. I want to kill the cops & thugs, I want to chase Sarah Conner, I want to turn good and save John Conner, I want to fight the T-1000.

- Turns out he only had two questions, because IG moves onto a later event with Leonard Nimoy testing out Yoostar 2. However, Nimoy does the exact same scene. Couldn't this demo have any other scenes for people to try out?
- This is followed by a "private" press conference with Nimoy and Zoe Saldana. You know, Uhara from the 2009 film. I still don't care.
-- Also, it's not a private conference if we can see it! To, once again, quote Inigo Montoya "You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means."
- So the rest of the video is just this boring conference promoting Yoostar 2, with shots of Bores standing there cut into it. Skipping to the end, Bores remarks that it was awesome seeing them.

It doesn't matter how many Star Trek cast members endorse your game, I will NEVER buy it. It looks like a waste of money.

Naughty Bear
* Fun Fact: Naughty Bear came out last week. So once again, Bores looks at a video game that came out within a month of E3. Reviews are mixed and honestly it doesn't look fun, it just looks sad (I like Teddy Bears, sue me).
- After a montage of footage, we get another interview. Bores remarks that it doesn't look like a kids game and calls it "Care Bears on Steroids", no it looks more like the Gummi Bears on meth. His first question is "What is the intended audience for this game?"
... SWAG don't bring Bores to E3 anymore, otherwise he'll ask stupid questions like that. "I can tell it's not a kid's game, so who's the target audience?" Use your brain Chris.
-- Oh, and the representative is just "Naughty Bear Rep". No names this time? I guess Shawn really wanted people to know about Yoostar 2.
- Bores then asks about the weapons and the consoles it's on. Video done, I'm out!

Actually, I just want to mention that the YouTube ratings show far too many "likes" and very little "dislikes" for the E3 videos. It isn't like his Irate Gamer videos where it shows A LOT of dislikes (sometimes equal). I don't know, I just find it bothersome.

Until next time.