Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Redux Recap: Movie and Breakfast Filler Fun

*reads comments on IG’s E3 videos* Nobody seems to point out how E3 has been over a long time. In fact, I’m seeing shit like “best E3 coverage ever” and “most complete” and other shit like that. Haven’t these retards ever heard of GameTrailers?

Actually, this goes back to my YouTube Proles idea. YouTube Proles only know of YouTube, the idea of a different video site is too much for them to comprehend. If it’s not on YouTube, then it doesn’t exist.
Still, wouldn’t they know of Machinma?

When I get to recapping the rest of the E3 videos, I’ll avoid scrolling down to the comments. I’ll just point out how only 3 people brought up his “throwback to the 8-bit games” horseshit when talking about Castlevania: Harmony of Despair.
If it’s any consolation, the only positive comments he’s getting at GottGame are from his mommy (LadyBuggin777).

Now it’s time for another Redux Recap.
Chris Bores went to film school. He didn’t graduate but he went to it. So by that I’m going to assume he’s somewhat of a movie buff. However, after this Top 10 list I greatly question his taste in movies.

So let’s look at his Top 10 Summer Movies of 2008. Originally I wasn’t going to do this, but then I remembered there’s A LOT of material to make fun of here.

Intro: Bores starts off telling us he read AOL’s Top 20 Summer Movies list (haha, he uses AOL) and whining that the list sucked. What was on the list? I don’t know, and I can’t find the original article. But he has a problem with Jennifer Aniston having a movie on the list.
I checked Jennifer Aniston movies in 2008, and the only one was the critical and commercial success Marley & Me. If that was the movie, then it’s based on a successful book.

Because he’s tired of seeing lousy lists (and no he doesn’t mention any other lists, just AOL) he decided to make his own. So then, let’s see what Chris is excited for.

Number 10: The X-Files: I Want to Believe
Or as he calls it, The X-Files 2 (with a nice little fake 2 at the end).
He’s glad this movie is not using aliens but going back to paranormal happenings. He expresses how he loves and craves that drivel, even using this opportunity to plug Haunted Investigators. That doesn’t scream “buy my DVD” at all.
Then he says he hasn’t heard much but it should please fans of the show.

And now I shall provide the audience consensus.
Audience says: It was mediocre.

Number 9: Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay
There’s no “x” in escape Chris. It’s not “ex-cape”
He says he liked the first one, and the trailer looks hilarious.
“They even brought back Doogie Howser for this one.” His name is Neil Patrick Harris, he’s a respectable actor now and really sexy. … What?
Seriously, don’t just label him with the role he played as a kid.

Audience says: It was more of the same, only less funny.

Number 8: The Incredible Hulk
Bores mentions he was never a fan. He never read the comics or watched the TV show. So why are you excited?
“I’ll just make sure to keep him away from my Nintendo system…” There never was a Hulk game on the NES. The earliest two were Questprobe featuring The Hulk (early computer game) and The Incredible Hulk on SNES, Genesis, Master System, and Game Gear. Remind me how long you’ve been playing video games.

He also laughs about the first one being so bad, that they had to reboot it. Not really funny.
“They cast Edward Norton as Rex Banner” Hey, he was telling the truth about not being a fan. Otherwise, he’d know that the Hulk’s human side is Bruce Banner (or if you’re going by the TV show David Banner). Rex Banner was a one-shot character on The Simpsons, a parody of Chicago Prohibition agent & Untouchables founder Eliot Ness.

Audience says: It was decent

Number 7: Hellboy II: The Golden Army
He just shows his “enthusiasm” over the prospect of seeing demons, superheroes and “crazy characters”. He also says he never read any of the comics. Hmmmm
He’s also excited to see David Hyde Pierce is reprising his role as Abe Sapien. Who cares?
“Should be a good flick methinks” Don’t try to class this up, it’s already boring.

Audience says: Not bad.

Number 6: Iron Man
“I just love these comic book movies, I think every movie released should be a comic book movie” Close-minded aren’t we?
“This is another great movie I’d like to see get the live-action treatment.” What? Iron Man is a comic book, this is the first Iron Man movie. Well, there was a direct-to-DVD animated movie released in 2007, but that shouldn’t excuse the stupidity of that statement.

“I was never a big reader of Iron Man, but I have read a few issues”. You want all movies to be based on comic books, and yet the three you mentioned you’ve barely read or never read at all. Am I missing something here? Are you just a close-minded casual movie-goer that only wants explosions and action?
He continues drooling over the trailer and effects. Yeah…

Audience says: It was awesome.

To try and make more ad revenue, Bores released this video in two parts. Let’s check out #5-1.

Number 5: Hancock
Bores mentions that he didn’t know anything about this movie, glancing over reports about it. But when he saw the trailer he “was literally blown away”. Did the movie shoot you? Did it strap a bomb to your chest and detonate it? How did it literally blow you away?
That’s a pet peeve I have, people that use “literally” when they mean “figuratively”.

He also says that it can’t wrong because Will Smith is the lead. He lists off some of his greats “I, Robot, Men in Black, Enemy of the State”. Ugh, I, Robot wasn’t a “great” movie, it wasn’t even a good one. Why not Ali or The Pursuit of Happyness? Because Chris Bores won’t watch a movie unless it has explosions or effects.

Audience says: It started out good but went FUBAR after he was released from prison.

Number 4: The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
Or as he calls it “Mummy 3” with some fake text in the poster.
Bores mentions that two of his all-time favorite movies are The Mummy and The Mummy Returns (or as he calls the latter “The Mummy 2”). See, they’re only good to him because there’s lots of pretty pictures and effects. Screw story, make way for special effects!

He also remarks that The Mummy was the first DVD he ever bought. I wouldn’t be too proud of that…
Then some more “Boy, I sure am excited” crap. This is really dull.

Audience says: BOOOOOOOO! You suck!

Number 3: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Before that, he tried to fake us out with Sex and the City. I didn’t laugh.
“How long has it been since the last one, 10 years?” Do some research you twat, Last Crusade came out 1989, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull came out 2008. That’s 19 years not 10. It’s not even close. Maybe if you said 20 years, I would have let it slide.
I mean, this is something you could find on Wikipedia. Oh that’s right, you don’t use it because “it’s always wrong”.

“He’s even got Louis Stevens with him, all right!” It’s been years since I’ve watched Disney Channel, but was Even Stevens a show both kids & adults could enjoy? If it’s not, then I’m a little uncomfortable that a man in his mid-to-late 20s watches Disney Channel.

He’s also disappointed that Sean Connery isn’t the movie, but realizes it’s not a big deal. Then why the hell did you bring it up?

Audience says: Definite Love It or Hate It

Number 2: The Dark Knight
Or as Bores (stupidly) calls it “Batman 2: The Dark Knight”.
He starts off saying he was worried that Christopher Nolan would screw up after thinking back to Batman & Robin (or as he calls it, Batman 4... Come on you’re not even trying). Dude, I doubt Warner Bros would have made the same mistake twice. They knew people wanted dark, so they gave them dark. They made sure to limit the camp, the bad dialogue, and the Bat-Nipples/Bat Credit Cards

More forced excitement combined with pictures. It’s almost done.

Audience says: OH GOD YES!

So we’ve finally reached the end, what will Bores choose? I wish I was making this up.

Number 1: Dragonball Evolution (back then it was just Dragon Ball)
Yeah, his number 1 choice was the live-action Hollywood adaptation of Dragon Ball. This made me think Bores is possibly brain-damaged.
“Finally, 6 years of rumors…” 6 years? Did the rumors really start in 2002?
“It’s nice to see this finally get the live-action treatment, because the story of Dragon Ball is a piece of literary genius” Wha… buh… ugh. What’s genius about Goku patting people on the crotch, energy blasts, perverted old men, planets blowing up, power levels, and the idea of “Oh don’t worry, we can just revive him”?
You want some actual genius manga? Read Fist of the North Star, Berserk, Monster, One Piece, Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure, and Hunter X Hunter.
I’m not saying Dragon Ball is bad, but calling it “genius” is pushing it. Unless you read Journey to the West, the story Dragon Ball was based on.

He also mentions that the hardcore “fanatics” are pissed about some of the choices being made (and rightfully so, because producers have this habit of taking cherished childhood icons and crushing them into piss-poor dust)
“With a series that spans 400 episodes, it’s unavoidable”. You expect them to fit ALL of Dragon Ball and DBZ into a 90 minute movie? This man calls himself a filmmaker. I’ll let that sink in.

“They got this guy playing Goku” Okay, what’s his name? “This guy playing Piccolo" What about his? Come on, give us some actual names. He brings up how Ernie Hudson was signed on and he’ll likely play Mr. Popo. I hope this is only his prediction, I really hope Dragon Ball fans weren’t that racist to consider this. By the way, Mr. Popo isn’t in the movie.

You know, if Bores really was a Dragon Ball fan, he wouldn’t be excited for this movie. Anyone can tell you it will suck, and guess what?

Audience says: My God it’s horrible!

So that was his first foray into movie reviews. It goes to show why I constantly criticize his taste in movies, he only likes big-budget blockbusters with a lot of effects and very little substance. Sure, he does review something worth watching but most of the time it’s soulless. Not to mention, being excited for Dragonball Evolution should qualify someone as legally retarded.


After the Top 10 List, Bores released a short video called “Rice Krispanese”. A mockumentry exploring the new language of Rice Krispanese.
It’s unbelievably stupid. That’s all I’ll say.
Okay, I will mention that it has some bad photoshops and one of the worst Jerry Seinfeld impressions I’ve ever heard. That’s about it. Yeah this is the only place I could talk about this unfunny shit dropping of a video.

*checks GottGame for latest E3 crap* Well he talks about Donkey Kong Country Returns and Kirby’s Epic Yarn, and a while back he said Nintendo would be last. That means IT’S ALMOST OVER! Woooo!

The next Redux Recap will be Contra Part 3, I'll get to it eventually.

58 comments:

  1. Awesome. I loved Monster and another of Naoki Urwasawa's work called "20th Century Boys". I need to read Berserk and Jojo but I'm getting off topic right now. All I can say was incredibly stupid to choose Evolution as the first. I had the same kid of optimism he did with The last airbender but as someone once quoted "It was like waiting for a bufflo to take a shit on your face."

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  2. Irate Gamer's taste in movies is very questionable indeed. I wouldn't be surprised if he lied about "The Dark Knight" being his all time favorite Batman movie and that it's really "Batman and Robin". I mean wasn't he referencing Robin when, in his Aladdin review, he said that you gotta be some kind of dick-gracing, acrobatic asshole, just to get close to a red gem?

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  3. Hey look everyone TheArchfiend seems to be following what Chris Bores did and is having contest where you can win a PS3 and a bunch of games. It's nice to see him still active and still making fun of this asshole.

    http://thearchfiendshow.blip.tv/file/3900217/

    There's more details at his official website. By the way did anyone see my post where the supposive winner of Bores contest was showing off his PS3. Do you think that he might relative do you see a resemblance?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPaNWWiUvtM

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  4. Its "Dick Grayson". Sorry to be a grammar nazi but its just because its the first Robin's real name

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  5. Yeah, the line was "Have to be some kind of Dick Grayson acrobatic asshole just to get close to one."

    As for the kid winning IG's contest, I don't care anymore. His reputation has been further tainted for enforcing people to gamble on a scam site, that's good enough.

    I did enjoy TheArchfiend's parody, I'm glad he's back to bashing IG.

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  6. Apparently TheArchFiend youtube channel has been up for the last few day. I had no idea, sorry I didn't mention it in my first post. Also you can also his PSTriple video on his account if you don't like blip.tv.

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  7. Dan, i probably said this before but since the moving of blogs and the trolls and Airbeinder off topic, you probably wont noticed.

    onbe day after the krispanese video, james made a video called

    Movies that rhyme.

    is on youtube, a little jab at IG?, you decide

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0KuesK9RFk

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  8. "He’s also excited to see David Hyde Pierce is reprising his role as Abe Sapien."

    What is he talking about? David Hyde Pierce didn't return to voice Abe Sapien, Doug Jones(The guy in the costume) did the voice for the second movie. They only got David Hyde Pierce to do the voice for the first movie because the studio thought he'd bring in audience, but that backfired on them when he refused to promote the movie because he didn't think he contribute enough so they didn't even bother bringing him back. You'd think Bores would know that if he was excited for this movie.

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  9. @GatucaMan
    It's a coincidence.

    @Tetch27
    *goes to check* Wow, thanks for the clarification.
    Bores do research? That's unpossible!

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  10. I wonder if IG was excited for The last Airbender (my sister went to see that, she was DEVISTATED) I mean IG likes movies with big budgets, and terrible story lines. And since IG thought fans were idiots to not like Dragon Ball, he probably thought the millions of fans of Avatar were idiots for not liking last airbender.

    Great Redux Dan

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  11. @Darthgamer
    The Last Airbender was #3 on his 2010 list. He claims to have never seen the cartoon, judging the trailer on solely the effects.
    In the end he didn't like Dragonball Evolution, though his only actual complaint was "they made it for kids instead of adults". Proving he was never a fan (Dragon Ball was always meant for kids).

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  13. I've read Journey to the West and I gotta tell you, even that got pretty repetitive. It IS a work of genius compared to Dragonball, tho.

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  14. Japanese standards are much different from American ones.
    It's acceptable for kids to see violence and (back then) nudity.

    Plus, the manga was released in "Weekly Shonen Jump", a weekly manga anthology targeted towards boys 10-18.
    So kids-teens.

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  15. Is anyone gonna watch James coverage of Comic Con? I'm sure it will be as entertaining as last year. It's pretty strange that Chris Bores still covering E3, even when most people have moved on to other things. I wonder how overly drawn out his coverage of Comic Con would be like?

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  16. @Nicolas

    I was glad I was at Comic Con last year. I didn't get much from that though.

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  17. Although I greatly enjoy manga version of Dragonball, it is far from "piece of literary genius." It's just a bunch of guys leveling up - fight a baddie, get stronger, fight a baddie, get stronger (at least Z is like that). The movie sucked, but in a way I enjoyed it. Its one of those shitty movies that you can actually like.
    The list was awful, but in a way better than the one he posted this year. Which isn't saying much.

    oh and for the record, I fucking love One Piece.

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  18. I love going to Comic-Con. I only went twice but it's an awesome experience.

    I look forward to all kinds of coverage, not just James Rolfe's. Plus, we know 6 new characters from Marvel vs. Capcom 3 including Amaterasu! *squee*

    @RemoveCarefully
    I considered doing a catch-up of his 2010 list, to show how off the mark his predictions were. Grown-Ups was garbage, The Sorcerer's Apprentice was bloated and uninteresting, and The Last Airbender was atrocious.

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  19. Something you forgot to mention in the The Dark Knight tidbit is that Nolan already directed Batman Begins by that point, so that must definitely a proof that we could expect a great film.
    The catch is that Bores never brought this one up. Did he forgot the movie ever existed?

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  20. Batdan@
    All I have to say about The Last Airbender is Oong? Soka? Eryo?? what was M. Night THINKING?!
    well like IG he claims hes a fan of the show its based on.....Can I maul M Night? Pweeeze?!

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  21. RE: Dragon Ball, I believe that part of the reason why it mainly appealed to kids in Japan also had to do with the soundtrack. As a matter of fact, the original soundtrack of Dragon Ball Z had more of triumphant, upbeat feel to it, compared to the hard rock soundtrack of the American version. As someone who's listened to both soundtracks, I have to say that I prefer the Japanese one. Some people don't like it, because they think it makes the show look like something from the late 70's and early 80's.

    Also, Daniel, you forgot to mention that there were two live-action "Dragon Ball" made in Asia. Unlike the 2009 one, they have more of a "so bad, yet so good at the same time" feel.

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  22. WHAT...THE....FUCK. Dragon Ball:Evolution as #1? This guy obviously never read the manga or saw the anime...I'm literally shaking my head in wonder.


    And @vnisanian2001, I prefer the Japanese soundtrack as well. It just fit the anime better, though that may be because it was the first dub I saw. >.>

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  24. The original Dragonball manga is a fun and relaxing read. But "literary genius" is pushing it, if anything Watchmen deserves that title more then Dragonball (And he hated that). Insane Bores logic at it's finest folks.

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  25. I bet he never even read any iron man comic book!

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  26. @flamemario12 He didn't read any iron man comic book.

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  27. I just realised that LadyBuggin777 is subscribed to iratefanboy345. This is just another sign that it's the Irate Gamer sockpuppet account.

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  28. Look what I just read in The Room's Wikipedia article:
    Wiseau plans on creating a video game and a childrens' cartoon show based on The Room

    I know is Wikipedia and therefore it can be a hoax,but just imagine for a moment it's true

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  29. Haha it would be like Heavy Rain only funny.

    "Press X to TEAR ME APART LISA!"

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  30. The edit war over the NC portion of the Wikipedia page of The Room is amusing.

    "Someone making a video review on YouTube or their personal website, however popular, does not constitute notability. I'm removing it again for now, if someone can find a suitable citation that the Nostalgia Critic's review has received notable coverage then it can be inserted back in"

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  31. I imagine the children's show as something like Dora The Explorer:

    "O hai children.Today we are going to learn to nat heet her"

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  32. *hits wall hard*
    Sorry, I just learned IG FINALLY finished his E3 coverage and I am NOT happy because I'll have to cover TWELVE videos. That's including this pointless update video about Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions.

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  33. You don't need to talk about all the videos,just cover the most stupid parts.I don't want you to watch 12 videos of the Bores.That can give you a seizure.

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  34. @BatDan You mean the unveiling of the 4th "mysterious" dimension that EVERYONE already knows about? Good God! What's next? That prick is going to tell us by Christmas that Tekken is going to have a crossover with Street Fighter even though it's been announced on every major gaming site? I won't be surprised if he'll still call it "World Premiere" or "Never seen/heard before groundbreaking news!"

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  35. I love how in his last E3 video he stands in front of a sign that says "Creativity Unleashed".Ah,the irony

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  36. Just think if Bores were into sports instead of video games and movies. His videos would be about who won the Super Bowl and coverage of the NCAA Basketball tournament. I know, how about some breaking coverage of how the World Cup is about to begin Chris? Or how about some NFL Draft analysis?

    I've tried to leave a comment on each e3 video he keeps releasing, asking why he is still putting up videos of an event that's a month old. But I got tired of having to do it so many times.

    And I forgot about his 2008 Movie List. Hancock was one of the worst movies I've ever seen. It did start out ok, but geez did it go absolutely nowhere. By far Will Smith's worst movie. And count me as one who hated Indiana Jones: KOTCS. I don't even act like it exists as part of the series.

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  37. @BatDan
    You should cover all the E3 videos, but only writhe a paragraph on most and talk more about the extra stupid ones.

    This is a random queston, but did anyone at all cover KOF XIII at E3? I dont care any more now that the final boss has been seen, but did anyone cover it at all?

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  38. Sorry for my absence I've been on holiday.

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  39. @fattoler

    Welcome back. That picture of Robotnik all ways makes me smile.

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  40. I can't believe that Chris is still making E3 videos, considering all the things that have changed on the internet in ten days of my absence Chris STILL churning out his stuttering 'reviews' and 'yet's play Captain Obvious' videos was certainly my biggest surprise.

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  41. The final video is up at GottGame, and the description to the latest YouTube one says "One video left".

    So he's FINALLY done. I added it to his TVTropes page under "Arc Fatigue".

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  42. Correction to my last comment I should have said 'Let's play' rather than 'yet's play'

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  43. Daniel, speaking of TVtropes, I finally started contributing to that site. You can read my first contribution by looking at the very bottom of Irate Gamer's "Did not do the Research" article. It's about the Q*bert review.

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  44. @The Blaziken Master

    Of coarse he will, he redux recap's every thing.

    Also, a while ago I actually got Bores to send me a PM instead of his bot. Does anyone want to hear it?

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  45. @nuclearneo577 Yes, please! :D BTW what did you ask him/troll him about?

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  46. Let's hear what Chris had to say, I'm guessing it's poorly spelt and has lol in it.

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  47. Speaking of recaps, I enjoy watching the irategamer's videos only to see his bullshit being refuted. And this is the best place for that. Great site.

    The irategamer is such a jackass.

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  48. @nuclearneo577

    Was it something like "sounds good" or "that's cool"? I mean, the entire message being something vague and one sentence long?

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  49. @BatDan

    Sorry for double post,but where did you add the Irate Gamer in that Tv Tropes page?There is not a "Web Original" folder

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  50. No I did not create his TVTropes page. However I have added to it.

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  51. About the PM, I will show it on the next blog post. And its about plagiarism.

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  52. "It would have been really neat if they made this a 4-player like the Mario title."

    "Another new title on display was the Kirby game."

    Really. REALLY?!

    I know you hate proper nouns Bores, but when you're talking about games, REFER TO THE DAMN GAME BY NAME.

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  53. The "retrospective" at the end of the 3DS video is a long Funny Aneurysm Moment.

    Also, "that Star Fox game." Star Fox 64 is not "that Star Fox game" grrrrrr.

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  54. It seems Bores took down his original Zombies Ate My Neighbors review. The only one up is the remastered version.

    http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x55z4n_irate-gamer-zombies-ate-my-neighbor_videogames Of course, he can't get rid of it because the Internet is powerful.

    Though he didn't take down the original MUSCLE review, both versions of that are still up. Strange.

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  56. @Batdan

    Well, he doesn't want a possible fan of his going on the original version instead of the remastered and seeing jokes they don't understand! Makes sense to me!

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  57. It appears that Bores knowledge of Anime is of his usual standard. But seriously? DRAGONBALL?! LITERARY GENIUS?! I mean, I don't mind Dragonball, it's a fun series and all, but there are much better Anime and Manga, like JoJo (As you said, though I would probably say Part 3 onwards. Part 2 is pretty good though, and Part 1 has some okay moments, but just kinda comes off as unpleasant to read), Fullmetal Alchemist, the first few episodes of Death Note (Until Misa gets introduced).

    I honestly wonder if he thought the same thing about the Last Airbender before it was released.

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  58. @The House of C.R.P.
    It's a good thing Part 1 is the shortest, it was just... okay. Part 2 was awesome just for Joseph (seriously if he was born later, he'd be the ultimate Internet troll) and Part 3 is where it got grand.

    I haven't read FMA, I should though.
    Death Note is odd, I just pretend it ended after L died.

    *shudders* The Last Airbender. I had zero faith that the movie would be good, but I was expecting something entertaining. Then I saw clips and thought "Was M. Night serious?"

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