Friday, November 19, 2010

Fifteen Minutes of Carbonated Lemon-Lime Agony

This is going to be a tough one. IG’s first retro review since March and boy does it hurt. Bores stated he was ultra-proud of this one because it’s the first video be in HD. Hooray, now his face will be redder and greasier. But first, some things I need to address.

The last History of Video Games was incredibly stupid. We know this. Along with getting multiple things wrong as usual (claiming Bushnell seeing the Odyssey was only a legend, “Al Acorn”, neglecting Kee Games), he lied about getting never-before-seen footage as four of the games were located on this channel
http://www.youtube.com/user/oldclassicgame
and the other two were recreated poorly by Bores.
Plus, he stole from CNBC. Thanks to vicviper592, we learned that he stole b-roll from “Game On, The Unauthorized History of Video Games”. Thanks to FFL2and3rocks for putting this picture together
You can view the entire documentary here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tOOhITaGNs It’s far better than anything that damn hack puts out.


The second issue I wish to address is Bores hyping up the subject of this recap. The months preceding this video we’ve heard the following statements.
“This episode will take my show into another level”
“Being in HD will increase my creativity”
“The next review will change everything”
“This will be the greatest IG episode ever” and so on.
So yes you can tell Bores was really hyping this episode. But Daniel, he always hypes his upcoming episodes as “epic” and “amazing”, why is this any different?

Well, his idea that High Definition will somehow make him more creative is a load of crap. It’s like James Cameron with Avatar, a 230 million+ dollar budget and state-of-the-art 3D effects will not cover up an unoriginal, cliché-ridden mess of a story. The same applies here with Bores, he can dream that HD will make him better but that won’t fix his hackneyed writing and awful ideas.
As for this video changing everything? We’ll see…


The third issue involves the Third Rate Gamer. Remember when Bores released his Kool-Aid Man video? That dumbass video where he used the same joke FOUR TIMES, told us nothing about the games, and had the laziest wall-breaking effect ever put on video? Yeah that really sucked. A month later, FFL2and3rocks did a follow-up parody video covering Cool Spot on the SNES. He parodied the mascot showing up over and over (using a sprite from the game), his forced anger towards his own writing, the dumber bits from the video (notably the unnecessary use of the Sonic the Hedgehog drowning music) and Bores’ follow-up video about Kool-Aid flavors where Chris shows that his knowledge of the economy and the business world is similar to his knowledge of video games (which is non-existent).

Then, 10 months later. Bores released the trailer for his next video, 7-Up Spot. The detractors had a field day with this one. Soon, people wondered what jokes Bores would steal from the Third-Rate Gamer. Honestly, their accusations were justified as Bores has stolen from a parody before. *points to IGSRJ’s Monster Party video*.

Here’s the Third Rate Gamers’ video for those that haven’t seen it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4jLz7S4aY_Q


Now with all that business out of the way, let’s start the actual video. *sighs*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7FfV11DATI Follow along

0:00 - 1:29: So the video starts with a LONG cold opening at the Castle of Evil (provided by Google Images). Oh God it’s going to be one of these episodes.
The Evil Gamer awakens an all new character that we’ve never seen. That’s right another villain and it turns out this one is his master. Actually it’s just Bores in Shadowrama since he’s too stupid to get another actor, or fix his hair so it isn’t blatantly obvious that it’s him.

Evil Gamer tells Shadow Overlord (yes that is his name, disgustingly cliché) that they’re close to locating an artifact, followed by Shadow Bores expositing about how he’s trapped in a mirrored prison and once he’s unleashed he’ll take over the world.



Bores in the Mirror then wants to know if the Irate Gamer has been dealt with, however he hasn’t. Dark Bores then asks “I thought you hired a bunch of idiots and trolls to fill his video with hate spam?” Oh my god are you serious? EG then insults the “haters” by saying we can’t make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich without ruining it.

That’s your best insult towards us Bores, we lack the motor skills to make a sandwich? Your insult skills are as effective as your green-screen skills, splotchy and laughable. Maybe you could actually address this problem? Instead of denying it exists and then pretending that your evil twin sent us to make fun of you. Sad thing is that his fans actually use this insult (then again they’re all 12 so I’m not too shocked).

Shadow Overlord then tells his minion to set their next plan in motion, Evil Gamer then explains what the plan is… Chris have you ever heard of dramatic tension? Don’t outright explain everything in the beginning, people will lose incentive to watch your video.
Oh yeah the plan. EG sneaks in and steals his Magnavox Odyssey, apparently it’s a special one-of-a-kind edition that only he has. Ah yes the Odyssey that can sing show tunes, only one exists because Magnavox thought it was silly. Sadly, my idea is better than the one Bores crapped out.

Evil Gamer leaves while Shadow Overlord delivers the absolute worst evil laugh, showing that Bores still can’t act. You would think he’d spend all this time he has NOT making videos and invest in learning how to act. I say this because I don’t know if he has a real job, he never says if he does.

1:29 - 1:35: IG shows off his new logo, which is somehow worse than his old one. I didn’t think that was possible. It’s just so bland. He also accompanies it with a slower version of Blind Pass. Is this our new theme Chris? It’s the same one only slower.

1:36 - 1:49: Chris opens his part calling us “gaming gurus”. Strange choice of words… no it was to set up this horribly unfunny gag! Goro from Mortal Kombat barges in and asks if he called for him, Bores tells him he said “gurus” not “Goro”, prompting him to leave. Where the hell in your tiny brain did you think guru sounded like Goro? That doesn’t make sense! Apparently, Goro is his new neighbor. Why would the penultimate boss from the first Mortal Kombat live in Ohio?

1:50 - 2:08: So the actual review portion starts with Bores giving a BRIEF history (seriously it’s not even one full line) before showing that he’ll review the Spot the Video Game on the NES. I guess he didn’t say much so people wouldn’t call him out on research failure. Then why is he still doing History of Video Games?

2:09 - 2:38: Bores starts playing the game and after some bad reaction shots asks what the hell this is, complaining it’s not a video game. You’re playing it on the NES with a controller, I think that means it’s a video game.
He then compares the game to Othello, noting there’s also a video game version and it’s cheaper to get the board game (listing the price of the NES game as $29.99. Well that’s strange because a quick look on eBay shows I can get the game factory-sealed for $14.99 not including shipping).
Spot The Video Game is based off Ataxx not Othello, a quick look at Wikipedia will tell you this.

2:39 - 2:47: He then complains that if you put “video game” in the title then there should be some side scrolling action. … wow, that just happened.
Not every video game is a side-scrolling platformer! Why are you complaining about this? Are you going to complain that the Monopoly video game is just an electronic version of the board game and not Uncle Pennybags jumping around and killing thimbles & shoes?

2:47 - 2:53: We then get a pointless scene with Bores yelling at a sprite of Spot. You’re not even trying to hide that you stole this “joke” are you? At least when the Third-Rate Gamer did it, he was making fun of it and how it’s an unfunny idea.

2:54 - 3:13: IG continues whining that it’s not a video game (notice the strange dot when he shops “board” on the screen) and then goes on to explain how it works. Nothing wrong here, just boring dialogue.

3:13 - 3:29: He also brings up that the game supports four players. He takes out his Four Score and plugs in three regular controllers and one turbo controller. Then tells us to get three friends for “a battle of wits”. However he plays with three Spot sprites because he doesn’t have friends (at least friends that are willing to appear in his videos).

3:30 - 3:57: Commence a padding montage! Ugggggh. Yes another montage, Bores really loves these things. Even when the game in question doesn’t call for one. I don’t understand why he constantly uses montages, he’s not on TV, there’s no limit to how short or long his videos can be. There’s no point!

I mentioned Bores plugging in three regular controllers and one turbo controller. Yet in the montage the turbo controller is missing. Bores uses a regular one, the Spot next to him uses a regular one, and the Spots on the ground use regular ones. Do you even pay attention to what you’re doing? For someone so obsessed with story continuity you really can’t keep simple scenes straight.
I’ll give him credit in that, unlike previous montages, he doesn’t shake his controller like a jackass.
So Bores loses, evidenced by text that he obviously edited in. Though I don’t understand why it says “Player One Defeated” when the other two clearly lost. So why didn’t it say “Player Four Wins”? Is Bores that selfish? It’d be like playing any Super Smash Bros and instead of announcing the winner it will say “the loser is one of the other three!”
Bores ends the review calling the game stupid.

3:57 - 4:56: Suddenly a knock at the door! He goes to answer it and the camera focuses on a certain spot. Why Bores, I didn’t think you were this kind! Giving us all new material for Bores N Doors! Sadly the material here is nowhere near as exploitable as the Monster Party video, I’ve only seen one BnD with the new footage and it wasn’t very good.

On the other side of the door is the Evil Gamer pretending to be a pizza delivery man, complete with bad Italian accent, which sounds more like a bad French accent, and fake handlebar mustache. Paper-Thin Gamer says he’s giving away a free pizza for a Magnavox Odyssey. Yes the pizza’s free if you give me something in return. *slams head on desk*

Bores says he has one and picks it up off the floor. Why was it on the floor? Bores realizes who the delivery man is and rips off his mustache. I should point out the horrendous editing error here. Bores reaches out with his right hand, and tears off his mustache with his left. You don’t have to be a film expert to see these gaping inconsistencies. It’s almost like he’s doing this on purpose. EG then threatens to pound him if he doesn‘t get it. Wow beating him up, that sure is scary. You could threaten to kill him, stab him, use a bad special effect to blow his head up, but I’m sure beating him up works just as well. IG taunts him and sticks his tongue out as he goes back inside, real mature Chris.
Evil Gamer won’t take this and yells at him to fight like a man, and since it was SOOOO funny the first time Goro believes the message is for him and appears. Since Bores is too lazy to make a fight scene, EG runs off scared. I’m starting to think the “evil” part is in name only.

Two major problems here. Bores wouldn’t give his Odyssey to his Evil Twin yet he’s perfectly willing to give it to a random stranger. Ash Ketchum wasn’t this stupid!
Also, where does Bores live? I’m serious. Does he live in an apartment building because there’s a door with “B2” on the other side and Goro “lives” next door. Yet, all the exterior shots of his house show a single family home; not an apartment building. Ugh, I’m only five minutes into this wreck.

4:57 - 5:40: IG moves on to the second game, Spot the Cool Adventure on Game Boy. He says this is better but it’s still not a good game. Of course every game is bad in the world of Chris Bores. He doesn’t understand why you have to collect spots. They’re like coins or rings or any collectable where collecting 100 will net you an extra life. How’s that hard to understand?
I don’t see why you’re complaining this looks exactly like M.C. Kids. Actually, it is M.C. Kids! In Europe, M.C. Kids (or McDonald Land) received a Game Boy version. This was altered in the USA and Japan to a 7-Up Spot game. You know the game exists Chris, you stole from The Nerd’s video on it, you referenced it once. Oh that’s right you don’t play video games.
Bores then complains about a platform in the third stage that he can’t reach. Pick up the block, put it near the platform, jump onto the block, then onto the platform. Basic Gaming 101, and thus more proof Bores isn’t a gamer.

5:41 - 5:54: WOW that is nowhere near convincing. He imposed the Super Game Boy footage onto his Game Boy. I don’t recall the original Game Boy being able to play games in color. I’m also surprised he’s able to play it without turning it on, it’s no wonder he’s having trouble with it. You have to turn things on if you want them to work!

Bores then complains that the game sucks (shocker) causing Spot sprite next to him to cry. He tells it to grow-up. *sniff sniff* The room stinks of hypocrisy again. I’ll go open a window.

5:55 - 6:09: IG starts to review Cool Spot. He mentions that it’s available on the Genesis and SNES, however since the SNES version has more levels he’ll look at that one. That sounds vaguely similar to TRG’s joke about not wanting to do a Genesis game in his Cool Spot review.

6:10 - 6:41: Here he explains how the game works. To get past a level you must collect Spot coins until you have 30% (remember this). If you want a Bonus Level collect 75% (and to make sure we get this he adds a little bit of text) and getting 100% nets you an extra life (with more text, this is worse than the green circles).
He then complains that some are hard to get and doesn’t understand the purpose to collecting them (YOU JUST SAID IT!) so unless they get him laid then he’ll ignore them. … No comment.

6:42 - 6:57: He comments that completing the level will have the Spots do an annoying dance. I am sure the Spots dance for that long, it totally doesn’t look like you’re looping the footage.

6:58 - 7:18: Here he explains how the bonus stages work. Now we’re getting boring.

7:19 - 7:48: Bores then talks about some of the levels in the game. He gives special attention to a train ride that gives him “vertigo” (You can’t get vertigo this way! If you do, then you shouldn’t be playing videos games, you should go to the doctor!) and this prompts a joke where he vomits into a trash can. You’re recycling jokes now? You did the exact same thing in the Contra III video, only you fell over instead of vomited.

7:49 - 8:09: He also points a level where if you fall off the ledge you start at the beginning of level, whining that you have to waste time to get back up there. … AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *slaps self* Do you have any idea what challenge is? No wait, you don’t.
He then gets on his soapbox and wonders why developers keep making these levels. They still make these kinds of levels? Aren’t we in an age of 3D gaming where this design is rare?

Bores then says everybody hates these levels. I don’t hate them, I can find them annoying but I don’t hate them (at least compared to sewer levels). Would you prefer dying if you fall off a ledge just like Castlevania? Oh wait, you’ll complain that happens. Once again we’re moving from “Irate Gamer” to “Unpleasable Fuckwad”.

8:10 - 9:19: But no time for explaining that retarded remark, we’ve got more unfunny sketch comedy! Chris hears another knock and it’s Evil Gamer wearing sunglasses and a lab coat… interesting combination? I guess he couldn’t find goggles. Why yes I am accusing him for stealing the idea of Dr. Insano.
Irate Insano tells him they’re giving away free Xbox 360’s outside, Bores being the gullible idiot falls for it. Even though he already has a 360, and judging from the upcoming comparison video (spoilers) he has two. Then again, I’m questioning the logic of a man that almost gave away his rare early 70’s console for a pizza.

Bores goes in front of his green-scr- I mean OUTSIDE where there’s a large fence and unnatural looking sky. He realizes there’s no Xbox’s and is greeted by Wilson from Home Improvement (oh good, bringing back one-joke characters from past shitty reviews… again), but for some reason he calls him Wilkins. Why? Did Touchstone threaten to sue if you used Wilson? Did you actually forget the character’s name? Are you trying to claim that “Wilkins” is an original character? I hope that one isn’t true, otherwise Chris is no better than a fanfic writer that can’t create original characters so they take an existing one and slightly alter him… so 80% of deviantART.

IG realizes there’s no free Xbox’s and then notices a teddy bear, he picks it up and turns into Statue Mario from Super Mario Bros. 3 (or Ksitigarbha). So that was the Tanooki Suit? Why isn’t he wearing the Tanooki Suit then, why did it just turn him into stone? This makes no fucking sense!
By the way, nice late reaction there “Wilkins”. You’re like Slowpoke.

Evil Gamer walks off with the Odyssey, that was pathetically easy and stupid. Bores turns back to normal and returns to the game. Uggggh, these sketches are horrid.

9:19 - 9:34: IG reaches the last level (if this is the end why is there still 5 minutes left?) and when he gets to the cage you’ll notice something is off. Remember that he said you need 30% to unlock the cage at the end. Then why is his Cool Meter only at 29%? Hmmm, cheating again Bores? Couldn’t go one single video without tapping into that little Game Genie.

9:35 - 10:01: IG listens to the Spots jump again and asks “could there be a more annoying mascot?”
Then… *crash* OH YEAH!
Oh fuck you! No! No! No! You can’t do that!
You can’t try to establish some sort of continuity between your videos and then bring things back to life for absolutely no reason! You are a hack Chris Bores! An unoriginal, boring, beyond fucked up hack!
*regains composure* IG tells Kool-Aid Man to go away (I’m getting déjà vu here) and apparently he can say “I know” now. Oh goody, you’ve learned he can say other words. He then tells the Spot to shut up and attempts to look intimating by growling at the camera. Grr I’m irate… ugggggh less than 5 minutes.

10:02 - 10:32: So he beats the game and wants his “well-deserved ending” (why do you keep calling them that?) and sees it’s another “beat the game on hard and collect all the items for the real ending” ending. As usual he cries about it, but unlike the other times he decides to keep this complaining short. Then “Wilkins” and his wagon fence and Goro join Kool-Aid Man & Spot as his cheering squad. Why do I get the feeling this is a dream he had as a kid? A bunch of characters from TV shows/commercials (and one video game) cheering him on for something.

10:32 - 11:30: Commence another god damn montage! These are pointless!
Highlights include the return of his Pac-Man Fever (I knew he couldn’t resist shaking the controller like a jackass), Kool-Aid Man punching the air (sure why not?), Bores drinking… shampoo? How does that help? An even worse bit of Pac-Man Fever as he button-mashes the controller with one hand and reads a Nintendo Power in the other. Plus plenty of forced reaction shots.

11:30 - 12:03: Despite his claim that he’s on the last level, he uses the exact same screen he did before (29% on the Cool Meter). Laaaaaaazy.
So in a shot clearly made to show he’s in HD and Widescreen (complete with cameo from the Wise Sage) Bores and his cheering squad anticipate the ending (that will obviously suck because Cool Spot doesn’t really have a story, honestly if you want an epic ending then play an RPG!)
And the ending is… a message telling the player to take a picture of the screen and send it to the enclosed address in the manual for a prize. As expected Bores complains that he can’t claim the prize and the ending is stupid.

12:03 - 12:25: Ignoring this, Bores decides to take a picture anyway. He asks the mascots (saying this hurts my soul) if they have a camera but for some reason they don’t. It’s so nice that you got the best actor you know, put him on screen for 10 seconds and didn’t give him a single thing to say. I’m sure Eric thinks you’re a wonderful person… *sighs*. Then he decides to use his cell phone, ignoring that he has an HD camcorder in front of him. Chris Bores lost the logical part of his brain years ago, the result of getting “escorted” out of General Mills when he kept complaining to them about Lucky Charms marshmallows.

12:25 - 13:30: We then cut back to the bouncy castle at the Renaissance Festival as Evil Twin returns with the Odyssey. He hooks it up to an “extraction” machine and with some stock effects from Adobe the Odyssey revives… Snake Eyes? Nooo it’s a robot vessel for the HAL 9000, meaning that History of Bullcrap Part 2 was actually important. I’m still not counting the series.
You know, the reason HAL 9000 is so memorable is that he was the spaceship. He controlled everything and showed no remorse when he killed people. Yet, when Bores stuffs him into an antiquated video game console and a robot body then he doesn’t become scary, he becomes generic. He’s nothing.
After his signature “Hello Dave” (ugh), Evil Gamer skates into shot (no really, look how he enters the frame) as he and his master deliver painfully forced evil laughs. Might I recommend a marathon of Mark Hamill as The Joker to understand how an evil laugh works?

The video FINALLY ends with a cut to IG’s house two weeks later (it feels like it’s been two weeks). Chris gets another visitor, the dwarf from Monster Party. It seems that wasn’t a mask he was wearing, or maybe Bores couldn’t find another actor to play the delivery man so h- ugh it’s almost over.
Chris takes the package and the dwarf yells at him for not paying once again prompting the same, stupid Goro joke. Bores wonders what he got from 7-Up (this raises far too many questions that I’m too drained to answer), opens the box and finds multiple copies of the same game. Yes I’m sure 15 years ago 7-Up sent winners copies of the game they beat in order to get this prize. He attempts a sequel hook by making us think he’s doing more 7-Up games, even though it’s the SAME GAME, but we know nothing will come of it. Just like the Yoshi’s Cookie gag at the end of Tetris.
Did he really spend all that money for this one gag? I hope all he did was tape labels over his existing SNES games, but that would also be a waste of time!


FUCK THIS VIDEO ALL THE WAY TO CHINA!! 15 minutes of pure pain, everything that could go wrong did.
Once again, he gave no opinion about the game. He just described what you did, give one complaint, and said they sucked (in fact, he didn’t even give an opinion on the last one). The sketches were unbearable, the jokes were predictable and stock, the “plot” was beyond clichéd, this video was a giant lie.
This was exactly the same as his previous videos. There was no next level, no new direction. It had the same stiff acting, boring explanations, unfunny jokes, pointless characters, bad effects, forced anger, forced cur… actually there was no cursing. Yeah, he didn’t drop a single f-bomb or s-bomb. That seems weird though, why would he start his series cursing then suddenly decide to stop? Pressure from YouTube? Doubtful.

I also have another theft accusation. An evil twin working for an all-powerful overlord. That sounds very similar to Mechakara working for Lord Vyce in Atop The Fourth Wall. Now I know Evil Gamer has been around long before that, but it wasn’t until now that he was working for someone. What do you think?

I need to go lie down. *plop*

54 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Wow, it was more insightful than my video, kudos on the recap

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  3. The footage for the hard mode ending screen looks to be in much lower video quality than the rest of the game footage. I think he "borrowed" that clip as well.

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  4. I like that in the context of the IG 'universe', Evil Gamer is Chris' twin - so unlike all the other characters that are obviously played by Chris, this one actually has a reason for looking like him.

    Chris doesn't recognize his twin when he tells him they're giving away free XBoxs outside. This basically implies that Chris is so stupid that he can't recognize HIMSELF if he puts on a pair of sunglasses.

    "Durrrr...who's that in the mirror?"

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  5. Perhaps the lack of cursing is the new direction Bores is taking to make his "reviews" more kid-friendly (considering the majority of his fanbase is pre-teens).
    Great recap as always, Dan.

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  6. Boy, usually people get BETTER as the years go by, but the Bores just manages to get worse.
    BTW, thank God I'm not the only one who thought Avatar was a mess of a film..........

    Great Recap Dan, see you next time.

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  7. You know, a sidescroller with Uncle Pennybags would have probably made a fairly decent NES title.

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  8. This whole video greatly showcases what the Irate Gamer is all about: emphasis on pointless side-stories and moronic characters (except the Wise Sage) than on reviewing the actual game.

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  9. The irategamer will always suck, no matter what.

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  10. I have to be honest, I think this was one of his worst episodes yet. I mean, just the fact that:

    1) He overused sprites and pointless characters, as evidenced by Goro and the end with the "cheerleaders".

    2) His side story had even less to do with the game than in his previous reviews, thus serving no real purpose.

    3) That whole part with him speaking for us about how much we hate those falling levels made me wish that I could punch him through my monitor.

    4) So much more crap that I can't think of right now.

    So, yeah. Either he's proud of the fact that he's going HD, or he somehow thinks his writing is incredible.

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  11. Oh, not to mention that many of his complaints were incredibly dumb (claiming that the Ataxx Cool Spot game wasn't a real video game, etc.)

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  12. "Oh, not to mention that many of his complaints were incredibly dumb (claiming that the Ataxx Cool Spot game wasn't a real video game, etc.)"

    Indeed. For me the epitome of this video's stupidity was the "I expect some side-scrolling action" line. He really doesn't know enough about videogames to know other ways they can be good, does he?

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  13. Good job covering Batdan, you might want to read through it again though, I saw a few grammatical errors. What made you decide to come back? You closed the blog comments on your last post just as Irate released this video, and now you are back. Why did you ever leave in the first place? What were you thinking?

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  14. Does anybody know how to view his video without being acknowledged as a viewer from youtube? I don't want him to make money off of me watching his videos.

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  15. @fattoler
    Yeah that would be an interesting game.

    @Keith
    It's a long story.
    As for viewing his videos, I recommend watching DLAbaoaqu's text commentaries.

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  16. Hey, I watched the 3 or 4 parts (depending on how you view them) of Irate Gamer's "The History of Videos Games Series". I didn't think they were that bad minus the potty humor and terrible jokes while playing every retro game. It sounds like he got his facts wrong on some things, but if he didn't take so long to make them, had good jokes, and his facts were straight then I think it would be a pretty good video series. I wish James Rolfe would do something like that. The problem with trying to cover the whole the history of video games is it is too broad of a subject to cover from beginning to present. He should have designated the title of the video for each console he was covering to make it less deceiving. Just calling the videos "The History of Vidoegames Part 1-xxx" gives the impression the it is one whole episode covered in parts.

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  17. Just curious where this new History of Video Games is located. I searched the Bores Youtube channel and his section on GotGame. But I'm guessing its probably for the best that I don't find it though,huh? And if I watch it at all, maybe I should watch it somewhere that won't give him some sort of profit.

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  18. @Hunter78
    It isn't out. Bores just said he was working on it, and according to a news post at his site (posted on the 13th) it's half-way done.
    So January.

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  19. By the way, Bores IRL lives in a house. Irate Gamer lives in an apartment. He puts that little sign up to give the "illusion" of an apartment. Pretty sure he does this only for lame jokes like Goro.

    But also, this presents yet ANOTHER continuity error. In the SMB2 "review" when Bores goes out to the bathroom, that's the hallway this all happens in. Apparently Goro now lives in Chris's bathroom.

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  20. I guess along with all his other crappy characters *rimshot*

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  21. I decide to check back on this blog, maybe just to read an article from 4 or 5 months ago to pass the time... And what do I find? Your return!


    Really looking forward to your review of his 360 slim comparison when it comes.

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  22. Well done on getting 100 followers! (I wonder if there are any 'blogger whores')

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  23. In a moment of self indulgent dickery, I would like to point out that I was in fact the 100th follower ^.^

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  24. So, 31 years and IG has still not the slightest sign of intelligence?

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  25. I guess Chris decided not to take the "Intensive Training" perk to raise his SPECIAL intelligence or charisma, I guess he chose "Kool-Aid Chemist" instead in order to recreate those classic flavours of the past such as Shakelberry Fin.

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  26. When I first heard that Bores was reviewing this game, I nearly crapped myself laughing.

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  27. Good God, the DKCR review is terrible. I posted this comment on it. Why? Because humoring Chris Bores is fun.

    "It was funny enough when you just had bananas falling on top of you. But when you narrowly escaped one pile just to walk right under another, I was literally rolling on the floor laughing!"

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  28. The only thing I'll give him credit for is that he reviewed the game within a week of its release. Hell, he reviewed it within a month. Last time he did that was The Simpsons Game.

    Other than that, same unfunny bullshit where Chris forgets his "character" is supposed to be angry at the games he plays.

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  29. I hated it when he said that "there aren't that many games I can recommend for the Wii."

    Uhhh...Wii Sports, Wii Sports Resort, Super Mario Galaxy, Super Mario Galaxy 2, New Super Mario Bros. Wii, Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, the Raving Rabbit games, every one of the Virtual Console games, Dr. Mario RX Online, Sonic Unleashed, Sonic Colors?

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  30. dont forget Shantae Risky's Revenge, and of course Megaman's 9 & 10, but yeah, the review was poopoo, the most awkward thing to me was the beginning when he talks in his usually awkward voice, with his rapist gorilla face and the turkey's sound.

    ill give him crdit tough , he only came up one in time for the celebration this time, MY DOG :P.

    BTW while watching the video i can see those things:

    You tough the new IG logo was bad, my god this one is lazy, more captain obvious statmements, Rule of TWO and.........Oh my god, saying that Kirby's Epic Yarn was crap without elaborating on that statement, because that doesnt sound like im liying right guys?, hyuck hyuck.

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  31. Bores said that DKCR was made by Nintendo. He also implied that the original DKC games were also made by Nintendo.

    Yeahhhhhhhh.

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  32. Nice to see ya back in the fray Batdan. Though I was disapointed that he didnt elaborate on why he didnt like Kirby's epic yarn. I personally loved the game. It was fun, very creative and looked nice. But natually someone like Bores would fail to see that. So with that said heres hoping he reviews it. Though it makes me wonder considering he did this same thing with GOW 3 calling it an okay game in his disaster of a 3 part review then when he reviewed it he pretty much orgasmed over it.

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  33. If he ever does a review of Sonic Colours and gives it a positive review through his regular style (that is of the "not very good" kind), I will bet my spine that ego of his would convince him that it was thanks to him Colours was so great, because he said to a Sega representative that "Sonic Unleashed sucked, so this better be an improvement".

    But seriously. BatDan, if you have the chance that does happen, please let everyone know that I so called that. I mean chances aren't he wouldn't, but let's face it, he's capable.

    Oh, and if he gives it a negative review saying it was too hard in some places and gave up after a while, called it. (but that's predictable for IG and not as offensively egotistical as the alternative).

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  34. OK so the groundpound WAS in DKC. Also, any arguments about AVGN in regards to his Diddy's Jetpack slip up are null and void since IG said it IN A REVIEW!

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  35. Can't wait for BatDan's review of Boring's DKCR review! :D

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  36. I have an idea. It's just for shits and giggles. What we do is we go onto IGs videos with sockpuppet accounts and "combat" anyone bashing IG with blatant lies.

    Then, we watch and see if any IG fanboys (there are few nowadays) come back and repost the blatant lies as legitimate reasons.

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  37. @Slow

    Well it doesn't really matter since AVGN never said Diddy never had a jetback before, he said just couldn't remember.

    "Since when did Diddy have a jet pack?" AVGN

    He did say that the last Donkey Kong game he played was Donkey Kong 64 and he said he hardly remembers that game in general.

    Big difference between not remembering and claim false information as fact...someting that has been a staple in Chris' videos.

    Not to say that AVGN isn't perfect, he did have some mistakes here and there. And I'm suprise that he didn't change his mistake of confusing Aria of Sorrow and Dawn of Sorrow storyline in his Castlevania series review. Either it wasn't brought up to his attention or he didn't bother changing it.

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  38. Can we please not bring up AVGN and Donkey Kong here? Last thing we need is for BatDan to go away again because of the argument getting out of hand...

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  39. Yeah seriously, he came back once, but if he disappears again, it might be for good this time.

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  40. My favorite part is when Evil Gamer escapes with the Odyssey by heading toward Irate's house rather than away from it.

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  41. Hey looks like you're not the only one that noticed the lack of Kee Games. It was a pretty important event in the industry, along with other "firsts" in legal matters for video games.

    Spot was actually a fun game when I played it. The graphics were some of the best in a platformer before DKC and had some nice level designs (except for the toy level which I admit I can relate to IG here because everyone hates those fall-down-to-the-beginning kind of levels).

    He also needs to credit Big Giant Circles for the remixed Spot music that he used for the game playing montage. He's kind of a big deal now (BGC composed some of the music in Mass Effect).

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  42. By the way, notice that the Shadow Overlord kind of has a bad Arnold Schwarzenegger voice (more apparent in the bloopers)?

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  43. @Third Rate Gamer
    Oh my God I just noticed that. Good lord, he just doesn't care does he?

    @Chris
    He rarely credits the music. When he does he just says it's from a game or from OCRemix, never saying who actually composed it.

    I checked the bloopers video (don't expect a recap, it's the same unfunny outtakes he normally delivers) and you're right. I guess since he used a filter in post the accent isn't as noticeable.

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  44. What you were saying abouy LadyBuggin777, I've spoken to her many times, and she has fully admitted to being Chris' mother. Just thought I'd say

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  45. @jodanranger
    I already brought that up in an earlier post, the Wise Sage told me she's his mother.

    Although it's hard to believe given that she acts like a brat.

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  46. I've heard from other YouTubers that if you won Cool Spot, you earned a wallet and a badge, not a bunch of 7-Up games.

    And do you want to bet that he only reviewed this game because AVGN mentioned it in his McKids review?

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  47. @DaBoyAndy
    That sounds about right. A small prize sounds much better than getting multiple copies of the same game.

    Both the Nerd and the Third Rate Gamer were a factor.

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  48. You know, you would think for the Castle of Evil (Ughhh..) he would use a video game example, like say, Castlevania, or the Dark Omen, or Ganondorf's Castle. But no, a stock image from google that does not look the least bit intimidating.

    And in this day and age, names like "Castle of Evil" and "Shadow Overlord" have trancended into general Trope titles, rather than actual names, due to the sheer amount of Cliche in them. You need to give stuff like this their own names to give them a sense of individuality.

    And I just realised something. With that "Trolls and Hates" comment, HE WAS PLAYING A YU-GI-OH ABRIDGED JOKE STRAIGHT! Seriously, when YGOA did the joke, it was meant to be pathetic! (Marik's Evil Council of Doom)

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  49. I'd like to point out that Bores failed to point out the differences in the difficulty settings of Cool Spot: not only are there more enemies to deal with, but some cages have been moved around, and you need more effort in finding Cool Points.

    Easy:
    30: Unlock Cage
    75: Bonus Level

    Normal:
    60: Unlock Cage
    85: Bonus Level

    Hard:
    90: Unlock Cage
    95: Bonus Level

    When going through the game the second time, Bores should have pointed out these differences rather than indulge in a montage of him playing the game.

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  50. I'm not sure I need to point out a minor mistake.

    When Boring announces the NES game has 4-player support, he accidently labeled Player 3 as Player 4 and vice versa (although the actual game lacks these labels, Chris added them in). The turn order goes in a clockwise fashion (TL, TR, BR, BL, or Y > B > R > G) not as Bores believes as in almost every other 4-player game (TL, TR, BL, BR, or Y > B > G > R)

    Plus, is it just me, or does he spend most of the time just pretending to do the demo or set up an all CPU match? Because demo matches in this game don't end after a certain number of moves, they end when one of the CPU's win. Plus the demo has BGM instead of sound effects, as is always played on the same board on the game's first demo after powering on.

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  51. One thing I thought I should point out: Technically in Smash Bros. the game DOES tell you when someone has been knocked out in a stock match, as the announcer proclaims "Player #/Computer Player Defeated!" It was still an obvious edit in Bores video, though.

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  52. You know Bores has a point about those "fall down once and you have to climb all the way back up" levels, for me that's not a fun kind of challenging, it's just tedious and annoying, I always hated those types of levels.

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  53. I know this is old but I thought I'd point out when IG opens the door for the "free" pizza, before he realizes it's the Evil Gamer, he's about to hand over the Odyssey. When he realizes it's the Evil Gamer, says no, then EG threatens him, he brags that he can $100 for his Odyssey on eBay.

    So....in the span of a minute he was going to give it away for a $10 pizza, but then suddenly IG realizes it's worth a lot more? Really sloppy writing there.

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