Sunday, February 27, 2011

Trailer Reviews. Spiraling Deeper into "Not Giving a Shit"

Two months ago, Chris uploaded videos giving his thoughts on trailers to Batman: Arkham City and Mortal Kombat (2011). Rather, he says he found a trailer, shows the whole thing, and says "wasn't that video FAN-tastic guys?" I chastised him for being a lazy twit only doing this for extra cash. But I was impressed that he didn't call the two videos "reviews".

Two months later, Bores released another "trailer first impressions" video. This time on the yet-to-be-titled Kirby game. However, he screwed up and called it a review. Plus, coming off of his abysmal Epic Yarn review it seemed like he was just mocking us.

Then I went to his site because there's often a lot of bullshit there. I saw this under "Video Game Reviews".
"Trailer Reviews". That's right, he's attempting to make this an official series. This is a guaranteed sign that he's given up. He's only doing this for money now, putting in as little effort as possible.

*reads the other sections* Holy shit there are some horrid grammar mistakes, as well as some self-centered remarks.
"Focus's" - It's "focuses", that's an actual word! Also why is it capitalized?
"The show has recently be revamped for HD!" - Are you sure you went to school?
"THE Irate Gamer Neo" - Again with the unnecessary "the"s. What's next, you'll call Bulletstorm "The Bulletstorm"?
"Episode are exclusively shown..." - Look, there's typos and then there's being a dumbass.
"This is an opened ended series which will span many episodes" - Is it possible to arrest him for crimes against the English language?
"Check out all the coverage and shenanigans from the event..." Witness the zaniness of Bores... giving interviews. Boy those are some wacky shenanigans!
"Dubbed by many fans as the best coverage of E3 of 2010" - How very humble of you...
He must have realized how egotistical this sounded so he added a disclaimer saying "Special thanks to the fans that e-mailed me and thought so". It's like he knew he'd get bombarded by people that enjoy real E3 coverage so he quickly wrote that down.

Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, the trailer reviews. You know who else tried that? The Amazing Atheist/Distressed Watcher. There's a reason he doesn't do that anymore. Just keep that in mind.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Early MvC3 Review Shows GotGame is Run by Idiots

One of the biggest games in years, one that people thought would never come out. A game people waited for 11 years to see. And the morons at GotGame allow Chris Bores to release an early review. What the fuck is wrong with you?
Seriously, who runs GotGame and why isn’t he in an asylum yet? How the fuck do you still think Bores is a legit gamer? Time and time again he’s shown how much of a liar he is and you still give him free stuff! You! Are! Idiots!

*sighs* Let’s get through this. Here’s Irate Gamer’s review of Marvel vs. Capcom 3.

0:09 - 0:18: “Welcome back gamers” Okay I never understood why he says “welcome back” at the beginning of his videos. Does he think there’s an ultra-long commercial break between videos? I don’t know, this just bugs me. Also, stop addressing your audience as gamers when you’re clearly not one!

He announces the game and wonders how it will stack up.

0:19 - 0:27: “This is the long-awaited third installment in the Marvel vs. Capcom franchise” No shit. What told you this the fact it’s called Marvel vs. Capcom 3?
If you want to get technical then he’s wrong. The “Marvel vs. Capcom” franchise has more than three games. There’s X-Men vs. Street Fighter, then Marvel Super Heroes vs. Street Fighter, then the series became Marvel vs. Capcom in order to accommodate non-Street Fighter characters like Morrigan and Mega Man.

“And in this title they pull out all the stops” You can gauge this from a cutscene of Dormammu.

0:28 - 0:37: He claims he quickly enjoyed this game. Well, sounds like he won’t be a moron and bash it…
“With three fighters fighting on each side; it makes this unique brawler very unique and very enjoyable to play” Oh for the love… Do you ever do more than one take? Four years and you still haven’t fixed your redundancy problem. Get writing lessons! As well as acting lessons.

0:38 - 0:47: Blah blah blah controls are FAN-tastic blah blah.
“Having your other two teammates assist you is a nice touch” You mean like in the previous game? At least do a little research if you’re going to do an early review.

0:48 - 1:49: He goes on about the roster and how Capom did a really good job. He points out how Arthur from GnG was included and the GnG stage is a “nice touch for classic gamers” Why do you care? I thought you hated Ghosts N Goblins, wouldn’t this “set off your Irate nature”? Do you even care?

YouTube Edit: He added a scene with Devil Bores showing up and Bores wondering how he got in the game. You put him in.

He also brings up familiar “heavy-hitters” like Wolverine, Tron Bonne (tell me Chris, which game is she from?) and Magneto (WHERE’S YO CURELH MUSTACHE?!)

Then he brings up characters he “couldn’t do absolutely nothing with”… could you at least TRY not to sound like an inbred hick?
He cites… Storm? Okay, either they nerfed her or Bores continues to show he has no idea what he’s talking about. Last I checked Storm was one of the characters used by tournament players. Along with Magneto and Sentinel. By the way, if you want your claim to look good then lose as Storm, don’t defeat a CPU version of her.

He responds to Storm losing with a facepalm. Just stop it, it’s not funny when you do it. That wasn’t even a facepalm worthy moment.

He’s also glad to see X-23 in the game since she’s “relatively new” and responds to her defeating an opponent with “you go girl”. Never talk again!

1:50 - 2:15: Bores starts getting into nit-picking asking why they included Super Skrull, Dormammu, and She-Hulk, wondering if these characters were “really in-demand” and he can’t imagine “gamers’ jumping at the chance to play She-Hulk.
First off, shut the fuck up She-Hulk is awesome. Second, there was a reason they included Super-Skrull. They didn’t want to include all the members of the Fantastic Four so they used a character that had all their powers. Roster balance.
He then says they should have included Cyclops, Apocalypse or Ghost Rider, or for female fighters Invisible Woman. Well, Cyclops and Ghost Rider I can see as possible DLC (BEHOLD! OPTIC BLAST!) but Invisible Woman isn’t happening for the reason I mentioned and Apocalypse… well he was in MSH vs. SF but he wasn’t a playable character. There might be a chance for DLC. We’ll see.

2:16 - 2:23: The camera cuts to Bores telling us he’s about to show some spoilers. Wow, that’s bad form. You don’t spoil a game that hasn’t come out, everyone knows this you pile of moron! Even if this is a fighting game, and the story isn’t important, it’s called common courtesy. You don’t see Giant Bomb or Gamespy spoil a game.

2:24 - 2:55: So, what is this huge spoiler? Galactus is the final boss in the Arcade mode… didn’t we already know that? This whole part feels like padding. Instead of going into the various modes and controls, he pads by spoiling the final boss of a fighting game. I don’t know, something about this seems really off.

2:56 - 3:42: Bores starts getting into the unlockable characters… for a long time. Dude, unlockable characters aren’t that important. Gameplay, control, multiplayer, the actual characters themselves, these are the things that are important.
He notices that there are still four empty spots on the select screen, wondering if there’s more characters “lurking”. Clearly those are the slots for DLC characters. Shuma-Gorath and Jill Valentine have been confirmed and my guess is when someone downloads them they’ll appear in those slots.
Bores then talks about the four unlockable characters, drooling over the Sentinel and how one of his Hyper Combos can go up to 33 hits. Yeah, most Hyper Combos do that. How is that one special?
He then starts talking about Taskmaster, saying he has no idea who he is and complains about the “obscure” characters. Taskmaster isn’t obscure, he’s been around since 1980 and is one of Deadpool’s adversaries. They probably included him because Deadpool is in the game and Taskmaster’s ability would be interesting for a fighting game.
Also, who are these obscure characters you’re talking about? The closest I’d call obscure are X-23 and Tron Bonne, but you pointed them out. I’m confused.

The video ends with IG giving his final verdict. If you like fighting games you might like this one. Vague.

Honestly this wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Sure there were some really stupid moments but it could have been much, much worse. I’m hoping one of the conditions of doing this early review was no retarded gags. Then again, the people that run GotGame are idiots for entrusting an early review to him. I’m just glad that some of the other people on the site (ReviewTechUSA, Kwing, Aqualung, Chris Holland) do not like him. Plus ReviewTech is on Blistered Thumbs now so it’s all good.

*stares at PS2* I think Persona 4 is calling me.

UPDATE: Bores uploaded the announcement video to YouTube, where he also "reviewed" the opening cinematic. Rather, he showed it and said "Isn't that awesome guys?" My God his laziness knows no limits.

UPDATE 2: Now he's uploaded a poorly-edited video of him playing Marvel vs. Capcom 3. He tries to look badass by playing on Hard but the CPU characters barely do anything, meaning he's playing on Easy. Also some annoying shots of him button-mashing. Look, I know MvC is a button-masher but that's not how it's played!

Saturday, February 12, 2011

A New Post? Sure.

Damn, I haven't updated in a while. It's not completely my fault, Bores hasn't done anything worth mentioning.
Since uploading the Kirby's Epic Yarn review to NotGame he's done... very little. He made some videos about trailers (whoop-de-doo), held more contests (win some plastic crap that probably won't work on your TV!), one of them won by his best friend lukestarkiller441, and reuploaded the Epic Yarn review to YouTube with an altered line and a new ending.

So yeah he's really done nothing. As for redux recaps I haven't had the will to go back to his old stuff.

That's all.

UPDATE (2/13/11): Bores announced that he's going to review Marvel vs. Capcom 3. Saying the review will go up tomorrow because of "some strange rules". It's called a review embargo jackass, AAA titles often put one in place.

Ugh, this review will hurt. If he compares it to Mortal Kombat there will be trouble.