Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Irate Gamer Joins Channel Awesome?!

http://www.blisteredthumbs.net/2011/03/irategamerintro/ (EDIT: Scroll down)

Wait what? Blistered Thumbs now hosting the Irate Gamer?! This can't be right! What has happened to this site? Robble robble greedy shitheads only care abou-

*looks at calendar*
Oh that's right. It's almost April 1st.

Don't worry I knew it was a joke the entire time. Guru Larry decided to troll the site for April Fool's Day and with One176's help made that short video. Yeah I know it's early buuuut it's March 31st in the UK and the 31st is still an acceptable day for April Fool's jokes.

As an IG parody it's a great one. The jump-cuts, the stuttering, the repetition, it's all spot-on. Though I can't imagine a lot of people getting fooled by it. Ah well, still a great joke.

EDIT: Though, instead of Scott Pilgrim music I would have used a stock, public-domain track. That's what he does all the time.

So Zeldara, when will we see that crossover? Maybe with your help he'll finally get to that X-Men comics review he promised back in 2008 (see 1:53 here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USwkfhf9UII).

EDIT: Looks like BT took the video down. Thankfully Larry still has it up on Blip. http://gurularry.blip.tv/file/4954935/
I kind of wonder why they took it down.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Ralph Baer Responds. No Chris, He Didn't Like It

I know I just uploaded something yesterday but I feel this needs a post.

Back in October 2009, IG uploaded the 2nd part of his History of Video Games series, covering the Magnavox Odyssey. It was full of inaccurate information and needless references. Annoyed by this, vicviper592 sent Ralph Baer an e-mail showing him the video. Baer responded saying "it's full of inaccurate information".You can see that e-mail here: http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2009/10/ralph-baer-has-seen-odyssey-video.html

A day after I put up that post, Bores wrote on his site that Ralph Baer responded to him. Chris claimed he was honored and that Baer "didn't understand it". Outright insulting the pioneer.
http://www.theirategamer.com/news.htm Read under "10-18-09".

Time passes. The other day Bores uploaded that "Making-Of" documentary going on about how much research and work went into it and how he received e-mails from college professors. That last line was the final straw. I myself sent Ralph Baer an e-mail, asking for his detailed thoughts on the Odyssey video.

Here's a screen-cap of his response.

So with a little prodding from me and the knowledge that Bores insulted him, Mr. Baer wrote a response to the videos. I'll post what was said here. I'll also remind you that I did not edit any of this. This is all Ralph Baer's words.

Comments re. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgAbLUTb0Lg
and at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnocN1dE5QQ

re. "Ralph Baer spent a few years building a prototype of his idea"
Fact: I had the idea on 3/31/66 and wrote a 4-page paper describing the
whole scene on 4/1/66. A year and a half of part-time work with Bill Harrison, a technician and a few months of assistance by Bill Rusch, an MIT graduate engineer, and the Brown Box played ping-pong, volley ball, handball, light gun games, etc. All of the documents generated (several thousand) during that period starting with the 4-page document can be found by anyone at http://invention.smithsonian.org/resources/fa_baer_index.aspx, the Lemelson Center at the Smithsonian's website.

re. Magnavox..."they also filed patents on his technology"...Wrong: Sanders Associates filed all videogame patents for the simple reason that I worked there (I was a division manager there with some 600 engineers, techs and support people in my division, none of whom worked on anything whatsoever that had to do with videogames. All patent applications, prosecutions etc. were funded by Sanders and worked on by Baer and by members of Sanders' patent department.

......"any company going into the videogame business had to pay royalties to Magnavox..." Wrong: The lawsuits were not about "videogames" in general but about games that contained game action in which machine-controlled symbols on-screen interacted with manually-controlled symbols (like the ball and the paddles in a ping-pong game)....in the early and mid-seventies, virtually all home and arcade games had that game action and were subject to license and were subject to being sued if they didn't take a license.

...Magnavox began producing the Odyssey...and as you can see, the console is very crude in design"....says who? It's actually very nice looking and a typical 1970's design.

At 01.56...the swearing begins...for no good reason...and his criticism of the cables and the RF antenna switch box (which had to meet FCC interference specs) is all just so much ranting and raving. What he completely ignores (or just doesn't know because he is too young) is that the only way for a videogame signal to enter a current TV set was through the antenna terminals...there were no video or cable connections on 1970 and 1980 TV sets.....a situation which I complained about as early as 1972 when I told Magnavox that if they made access via an RCA jack to the first video amplifier in their TV set. I could give them a whole new set of novel products to plug in there....but they didn't want to add 5 cents to their product cost.

At 03:04 he says: "When a card is plugged into the Odyssey card it actually creates new command codes..." What command codes ?...there is no microprocessor involved....micrprocessors didn't appear on the scene until many years later. What the cards actually do is to interconnect various logic circuits inside the Odyssey in different ways so as to produce different games. He shows a large circuit board in the background that is full of logic IC's. That board may represent what was in the mid-seventies arcade games ( like a hundred dollar's worth of IC's) but it has nothing to do with what is in an Odyssey, namely about 40 transistors, 20-odd diodes and a lot of resistors and capacitors, typical of the components in then-current TV sets, so that a TV manufacturer could handle the product on existing production lines.

At 03:44 he completely ignores the use of the English control which determines the ball's vertical trajectory. Without the use of that control, there is no game. He also ignores the fact that there is a Speed control at the back of the unit so that both novice and experienced players can have challenging games.....this business of "falling off the end of the screen" is total nonsense...he just didn't bother to read to Instruction Book or to explore what that third (concentric) English knob is for at the left side of the hand-controller.

At 04:08 he laments the lack of scoring....that was just not practical for a consumer product at the time. besides, we all have played ping-pong and other ball games since time immemorial by shouting out the score as we went
along.....so who needed on-screen scores?

At 04:27 he runs into some glitches and doesn't realize that he has an ancient device that undoubtedly has badly corroded contact fingers on the card and the connector in the Odyssey...a typical Odyssey problem. He doesn't seem to know that all connectors in old equipment are subject to this problem and that it can often be resolved by running an eraser over the contacts to get rid of the accumulated oxidation.

At 04:42 he starts ranting about "you can do anything you want....". Since when does anyone play tennis or ping-pong or handball etc. without agreed-upon game rules beforehand. You just don't move into your opponents field (over the net), etc...this is really dumb stuff...

Around 05:14 he shows "HAL" on-screen. He apparently uses one of the white spots of a chase game, covers the screen with a black overlay and inserts a red glassine window to color the spot...very creative, but irrelevant to a discussion of the Odyssey game.

At 05:39 he starts to make silly remarks about the overlays that were optional for most games but actually lent a lot of color and relevance to such games as the light-gun (shooting) games and others intended for small children.

Re. his description of all of the rest of the accessories (cards, chips, play money, etc.) he is basically correct. I doubt whether many people actually played with those things )ping-pong being the universal game played by everybody..it needs no overlay). Thhe packaging of these items with the Odyssey game just reflected Magmavox' management doubt about the validity of honest-to-goodness on-screen games.

Why he feels it necessary to swear is beyond me.

He then berates the simple games addressed at preschoolers....enough said.

This guy has obvious talents...he knows how to put a good-looking video presentation on-screen. Now if he had just done it without the unnecessary vulgarity, stopped making faces and got some of his "facts" straight, this would be a presentation with a lot of interesting historical information, presented in a fun way.

Ralph H. Baer
3/26/11

There we go Chris. Facts from the man himself. Many of which could be found through proper research.
This also goes back to the fact that Mr. Baer did not like Chris' video, despite what he claims.
I would like to see Bores try and talk his way out of this one.

Friday, March 25, 2011

A Historically Bad "Making-Of" or "Interview"

Do you remember that “Making-Of” clip that Bores included on his first DVD? The one where he pretends he’s being interviewed, stroking his own ego on how difficult it is working on the show, and going through the “intense” process of moving 5 boxes and playing short games. He did it again!

This time for the History of Video Games. Brace yourselves, this will hurt.

In the description he says this “documentary” will be a part of the History of Video Games DVD coming later this year. I’ll get into that after I finish the video, but I find it funny how he basically destroyed all incentive to buy the DVD. Other than bloopers, I don’t see what else he could include.

I find it funny how he still calls this video a “review”. It almost feels like his video titles are automated considering “review” isn’t capitalized.

0:08 - 0:47: The faux-interview starts with Bores saying the idea has been in his head for a while. Sure it was.
Then says the idea took off when he bought a bunch of books on video games, including one that tells of the history. Can you show us what book this is? Nope, instead he shows a CGI background with a CGI book opening up. Obviously he can’t tell us what book it is, otherwise people would find it and call him out on lying.
“I read the book, cover-to-cover, in a short period of time” You can read?
We then get a pointless clip of him saying “Holy crap”.

0:48 - 1:43: Bores rattles on saying the early days were like the “wild west”. Not even one minute in and my brain is hurting. That’s a really dumb comparison.
Then he says the one thing that bothered him was the lack of “visual representation”, he wanted to see the games. Well, you’re not going to get that in a book. It’s a book! It’s not like there were visual documentaries already made that you blatantly stole footage from and we have evidence that you did. I’m not letting that go.
Oh my God are you still talking about the visuals? We get it! Most of the shit you talk about in the series doesn’t even matter in the long-run.
Then another pointless clip from his show.

1:44 - 2:27: He gets on the subject of “creating the show” and how it’s like an artist with a blank canvas. … That just happened.
To everyone that still thinks the Irate Gamer is a troll, listen to how he delivers that line. He’s 100% serious about this shit. Yet nobody that knows him has the guts to tell him that what he’s doing is a bad idea!
He says that he settled on “a documentary style with reviews and ‘Irate Gamer comedy’ thrown in”. Someone tell him this is horrid! Oh man, his ego radiates pain.

2:28 - 2:54: He talks about the “script-writing” process (what the hell is with this CGI?), how it started with reviews of Space War and Computer Space and then filling in the gaps with “huge blocks of history”. You told us nothing! Except for crap you read off Wikipedia! All I remember about the first episode was “the scream”, the Captain Kirk joke, “Computer Space: Bob Uecker”, and the Devil Bores. Your attempt at informing us has failed because all I remember are the retarded jokes! Gah!

2:55 - 4:29: He then moves onto three possible points he could have started at. The first point (again with the unnecessary CGI) was pinball but he felt it was too broad. He wanted to focus on the smaller aspects. No wonder your pacing is unnaturally slow, no wait that still doesn’t make sense.
The second point was Tennis for Two (no he doesn’t actually say the name) created by “a guy in the military”. … The fuck is wrong with you? William Higinbotham! It isn’t that hard! Names! They’re important! Then again, this is the same moron that got Al Alcorn’s name wrong and thinks Steve Jobs created Breakout.
However, he felt it wasn’t important enough to cover. Translation: He couldn’t find a way to review it and make unfunny jokes.

He chose to start with Space War because it “started” the industry due to Nolan Bushnell playing it, creating Computer Space, seeing the Odyssey (wait, I thought you said him seeing the Odyssey was an urban legend? Admitting you were finally wrong about something Chris?) and creating Pong. Which lead to “the races”. Ugh…

4:30 - 5:18: He then starts talking about the musical score. Wait musical score? You mean that background noise that’s drowned out by Bores’ monotonous voice?
He claims putting the music in was a “time-consuming process” because he wanted to find the right emotions at the time. As an example shows Death Race set to some sort of “horror” tune that he obviously got off Digital Juice.
He goes on about how important mood is and blah blah blah what a load! Oh yeah, I’m sure it was sooo hard putting Ennio Morricone over a Western game and the William Tell Overture over a horse-racing game. Wait, isn’t Morricone’s music copyrighted? How is he going to get away with that in the DVD?
And to make sure we understand this “mood” thing, we get a clip of his editing screen and playing some “dramatic” music over the spaceship scene from the first video. Don’t lie about this, it only makes you look like a bigger tool.

5:19 - 5:40: He then brings up a realistic question, how many episodes are there going to be. He says he doesn’t know. Oh wow, that’s good planning right there. He claims he leaves it “open-ended” because he doesn’t know and because of “job security”. What does that mean?

The video reaches the end with him claiming he’s gotten e-mails from college professors. NO! That’s a huge lie! However, I’ll believe he got e-mails if said professors were debunking his bullshit. Then says that fans enjoyed the- VIDEO OVER! I’m done!

In the name of all that is time and space, what the fuck was that? Could Bores have anymore of an ego? Ugh. You know, the whole “interview” set-up only makes him look like a bigger douche.

As I mentioned at the beginning, Bores is planning to include this on a DVD. On March 24th, he announced three DVDs. Volumes 2 & 3 of the Irate Gamer show coming this Summer, and a separate DVD for History of Boring in the Fall. He still hasn’t learned why his first DVD failed. Also, nobody is going to buy a DVD that doesn’t even have an hour worth of content! No really, I counted up the time for all the videos, including the “making-of”, and it comes to 48 minutes and 32 seconds. That is an outright rip-off!

Can somebody bust his ego? It’s getting really bad.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

An Open Letter to LadyBuggin777

This needs to be addressed.

For those unaware, LadyBuggin777 is the YouTube account used by Chris Bores' very own mother. I'm not making this up. For a while I thought she was a troll pretending to be his mother in order to make him look bad. But I learned from Eric Allen, better known as the Wise Sage, that LadyBuggin really is his mother.

LadyBuggin spends copious amounts of her free time leaving responses to the negative comments on her son's videos. Lots and lots of responses. These days it's to the point where half the comments are from her. Either lavishing praise on Chris, or telling haters "lol u mad" or "your just butthurt and jelous that christopher is better than u".

Unfortunately, she doesn't understand that this endless defense is doing more to hurt her son's image rather than help. Unaware that it makes Chris look like a major loser that needs to rely on his mother to protect him from the "meanies" on the Internet.

LadyBuggin, I recommend you end your commenting. If you're so sure that Chris can defend himself then he doesn't need your help.

He's 31 years old. He's still doing these videos despite the ever-growing amount of disgust towards them. He doesn't need you anymore.
You're 54 years old (going by your profile), yet I would think you're just a kid when you use phrases like "u mad" and "butthurt". Act your age.

I'm certain you won't read this as you passed off my blog as "Nazi propaganda" but I'm writing this because someone needs to tell you that you're not helping him. Lord knows that contacting you through YouTube would be meaningless.
Yes, I pick apart your son's videos. Sometimes I get personal when it involves him writing jerkish messages to people that contact him. But if you really want to help your son, do it in person not through comments.

- Daniel

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Sonic Colors IG in a Predictable Way

Oh no not another Sonic review. Didn’t Bores learn his lesson from the Sonic Unleashed video? I guess not because he’s looking at Sonic Colors… four months late! I guess not every game can be as lucky Marvel vs. Capcom 3.

I’ve played Sonic Colors, and I liked it. The controls are good, there’s a good sense of speed, and the Wisps are a good addition that don’t feel intrusive or gimmicky.

Before the video, let’s look at the “update” because the actual video is only three minutes long (already a sign of quality).
Same shit. Calls us gamers, tells us he got “hundreds of e-mails and requests” for Sonic Colors to try and fool people that he has fans, then announces winners for the latest contest. I’m sure they’re so glad to have a $50 dollar MP3 player that can break easily.

On to the pain.

0:08 - 0:18: “Welcome back gamers” FROM WHAT? Was there a one month commercial break between MvC3 and this? Stop saying “welcome back”! Sorry, but it’s getting really annoying.
He goes on to say this his most requested game from fans. Ugh… you know I’ve complained about this habit of his enough. Let’s just move on.

YouTube Edit: Sprites of Sonic, Tails and Knuckles show up. Do they say anything? No. Do they do anything? Sadly yes, and you'll see what it is.

0:19 - 0:47: “The concept here is to take the daylight levels from the terrible Sonic Unleashed game and make an entire game out of those” The same Sonic Unleashed that you only played an hour of and showed that you have zero knowledge of the series.
Or maybe they just figured out how to finally make a good Sonic game. If anything I see more Super Mario Galaxy comparisons than the day stages in Unleashed.

He goes on to mention how Sonic games have been crap and blah blah blah we know this! We know Sonic hasn’t been good!
He then calls Sonic 4 a “let-down” because it didn’t do anything “refreshing” like Donkey Kong Country Returns. Ignoring that Sonic 4 came out before DKCR, can you give your thoughts on Sonic 4 or are you just listening to various forum opinions?
Bores then calls Colors “the best Sonic game in a while”. Oh good, maybe we won’t get senseless bashing.

EDIT (April 4th 2011): I can't believe I missed this contradiction! Back in IG's Sonic Unleashed video, he was complaining about Sega trying something different and that they should get back to the basics. Here he's complaining that Sonic 4 wasn't "radically refreshing" despite going back to the basics. Once again, less Irate Gamer and more Unpleaseable Dickhead.

I'd like to thank Shadsilvson11 for bringing this up: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_-Wust52YY

0:48 - 1:15: “Sonic games are all about speed, speed, and more speed” Are you trying to make this a Sonic-related running gag? Because it’s not funny. Also, Sonic games are platformers that just happen to be fast. The sooner people realize this the better.
He mentions how there are both 3D and 2D stages and, I’m not kidding here, says the levels get harder later in the game. Four years, and he still doesn’t give a shit. He’s not improving at all, if he was he’d realize that EVERY GAME gets harder as it goes on and STOP SAYING THAT!

1:16 - 1:44: We cut to Bores with a large space to his right, giving away that something is going to jump into the shot. “Let’s talk about the game’s strong points” *cuts back to game* Or not… weird.

YouTube Edit: When it cuts back to Bores, Tails spin-dashes off the table. Obviously he didn't want to be in the video anymore. Bores acts surprised that Tails could do that (all Sonic characters can spin-dash).

Blah blah large number of stages blah blah Mario-style map blah blah
“There are also these wisp-type creatures” They’re called Wisps! They don’t have a different name, they’re just Wisps. Not “wisp-type creatures”.

He then shows a couple of the Wisp power-ups, and when he references the Yellow Drill he follows with “Dig-Dug, eat your heart out”. Dig-Dug has nothing to do with this, stay on-topic Bores.

1:45 - 1:58: He then praises the game’s cutscenes, saying watching them is like watching a cartoon. You hear that? That’s the sound of ravenous SatAM fanboys screaming in rage.
He also mentions that kids will like the cutscenes. You mean your fans? You don’t have any actual fans over the age of 15, stop pretending that parents watch your shit for game advice.

1:58 - 2:36: We cut back to Bores in the same shot as before, and once again nothing jumps out. Then why are you framing the shot like that? “Let’s talk about the bad” I imagine this is where it will hurt.

YouTube Edit: When it cuts back to Bores moving onto the negatives, Sonic spin-dashes off the table. Ugh, more Rule of Three killing.

His first problem is that he had trouble finding Sonic during the 2D segments because of a small or non-HD TV. An HD TV won’t matter because this is the Wii, it can’t go beyond 480p.
He then complains that the only characters are Sonic and Tails. Isn’t that a good thing? I thought that’s what all the Sonic fans wanted, they wanted all his friends to go away. Strange how Bores complains about the exact opposite thing most people complained about in the previous titles. It almost seems like complaint-fishing…
He also complains that Knuckles isn’t in the game. Well, given the plot I doubt he would be in the game. Knuckles didn’t go with Sonic & Tails to Eggman’s space amusement park.

YouTube Edit: When it cuts back to him talking about Knuckles, said character spin-dashes off the table and Bores knocks it over to make it look like Knuckles broke it. I have no idea how that works, but I imagine Bores didn't put any thought into this gag other than "how can I randomly put Sonic sprites in the video?"

The video ends with Bores saying he recommends it to Sonic fans (no shit) but doesn’t know if non-fans will like it.
Oh hey, no closing “Game On” crap. Has he finally realized that attempt at a catchphrase is dumb-as-hell?

Well, I’ll admit it wasn’t as awful as the Sonic Unleashed review but I don’t see this as an improvement. He barely went in-depth with anything, the jokes were still lame, the slam towards Unleashed was unnecessary, those off-center shots in his room were bizarre, the ultra-obvious lines that didn't need explaining, and this felt rushed as hell. You’d think that his “most requested game” would get a little more effort. Oh I forgot, he doesn’t actually care for his fans.

Now to wait another 2 months before we get something from him. Goody.

UPDATE: Bores updated his site to announce the Sonic Colors review was out. He also mentioned he's now working on a "special YouTube version" with extra scenes he couldn't complete in time.
This confirms there will be awful jokes added to the YouTube version.
Also, couldn't complete in time? You have a schedule now?

Monday, March 14, 2011

Redux Recap: Ambien vs Predator.

*crack* Going through the old videos again, this is going to be a chore.
Let us venture into one of IG’s worst, Predator for the NES.

But first, the trailer. From this point on, Bores started uploading trailers for the reviews. A rather pointless gesture since the video will be on YouTube and not another site.
“only 2 more episodes remain before Season 1 is over” What I find odd is the following episode (R.O.B.) is titled “Season 2”. So was there an episode that was never made?

“And the next review is coming. So be Prepared!” Followed by footage from the review set to that song he played at the end of the Goonies II video. I think it’s more Digital Juice but I heard it’s also something off OC Remix so I’m not sure.
Now onto the video!

One “Blind Pass” later

0:18 - 0:43: The video begins with a stock image of a jungle before cutting to IG looking through a plastic plant. Oh, he’s supposed to be in that jungle. That’s… really lame. He couldn’t film this part outside? *looks at date* April 17th. It’s nice out in April, what’s his excuse for this fake plant crap?
He continues looking through the plastic plant (by the way, poster at 0:35) and stumbles across his copy of Predator. He picks it up and then tries to take a shit. No wait, that’s meant to be anger. Gritting your teeth like that doesn’t make you look angry, rather it looks like you need more fiber.

0:43 - 0:56: “Turning a Hollywood movie into a video game always spells disaster” Should I list off licensed games that contradict this? Yeah I really should.
Chronicles of Riddick, Goldeneye, Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, Ghostbusters (2009), The Godfather, Aladdin (Genesis and SNES), Little Nemo, Stranglehold (sequel to Hard Boiled), and various Star Wars games. I’d go on but we’d be here all day.

“This game isn’t just bad, it’s more like a shit taco with cow urine for a dipping sauce” Disgusting, also shows that Bores seems stuck on food similes.

0:56 - 1:19: IG starts the game up and points out how you don’t get a gun, despite the front cover showing otherwise. Psst, you can get a gun in the first level if you go left and jump to it. Also, he has a gun because they’re using the movie poster for the box art. Yeah, what a concept.

By the way Chris, could you tell us the name of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s character? Instead of just saying “Arnold Schwarzenegger’s character”? Just a thought.

1:20 - 1:25: “So I guess I’ll have to beat these guys down with my FISTS OF FURY” As he says it, the words show up on screen. A half-way clever joke? Something’s not right *digs a little* here‘s the problem! He stole this joke. Not from the AVGN, but from wizwar100/LazyWorkCreations. February 2nd 2007, wizwar reviewed Predator on the NES. It took quite a bit from Armake21’s video but wizwar was man enough to acknowledge his existence and that he was an inspiration.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQbuZV_VFU0
Around 5:40 he says “We’re in the forest again, but I don’t have my motherfucking machine gun just my fists of fury!”
Sound familiar? You can’t say this was a coincidence, it’s too damn similar. It’s also not a reference to the movie so don’t try that excuse.

1:26 - 1:51: IG then points out that the fists are completely worthless. Noting that the biggest problem is their short range. No shit, they’re your fists. Unless you have superpowers then you can’t attack from a distance.

He also brings up the “fustrating” aspect of being unable to punch when crouching. *gasp* A legit point! He shows that this flaw prevents him from killing scorpions. I shouldn’t get too excited, for every legit point there’s 12 idiotic points.

1:52 - 2:00: He then wonders why Dutch (yes I’m calling him by his character name, even if Bores doesn’t) is wearing pink and if the military has gone color blind. This rant sounds oddly familiar, like someone else already made it.
As if stealing from wizwar wasn’t enough, he also stole from Armake21’s review of Predator. The “Dutch wearing pink” rant sounds way too familiar.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YNJ7ZWrBSQ (Part 1)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dGddZ4dhtQ (Part 2, only for the first four minutes)

2:01 - 2:08: We then cut to an odd shot of IG turning to the camera while its facing his TV. I’m guessing he did this shot for two reasons. To show off that he’s not using an emulator and to show off his Brawl poster in another “I’m a gamer guys, really” moment.
He concludes that everyone is trying to kill Dutch because he’s wearing pink, even getting the urge to want to kill him. For wearing pink? That’s kind of homophobic. Laugh at him sure, but kill him?

2:09 - 2:56: He does say there are weapons but you have to go out of your way to find them. He points out the grenades in the first level and how they’re useless, even showing how they can’t blow up the wall of blocks. Once again, I’m getting Armake21 vibes. Did he really think nobody would notice?
“What the shit muchacho?” Mexican on the mind Bores?
“Or should I be saying these ‘pines’ suck ass? Ugh, whatever”. “Pines” is short for “pinecones”, a nickname for grenades shaped like that.

2:57 - 3:24: IG says that you finally get a good weapon in level 3, but complains that they couldn’t give him one earlier. Again, I refer you to the machine gun in level 1. He then complains that he’s using a laser because Dutch didn’t use one in the movie, and wonders if the laser or the “pine” is worse. The grenades! The laser actually works.
“How about giving me a boot so I could shove it up someone’s ass?” I imagine if the game allowed you to kick, it would have the same range as the punch.

3:25 - 3:51: He then says the most “fustrating” aspect is when you beat a level, they take your weapons away. I like how he says “weapons” plural even though you can only carry one weapon at a time.
During his ranting, the Predator is watching him through Thermal Vision. Hang on a second. In the movies, the Predator watched from a distance even when he used his camouflage. A good hunter always watches from a distance. But from this perspective, it looks like the Predator is standing six-seven feet away in the open. Sure, he has his camouflage on but that only works when he’s in trees, when he’s in the open you can clearly see the outline.
Then again, I’m putting more thought into this than Bores did

“This game just keeps getting worse and worse” You can tell how angry I’m getting from my soulless delivery.
Also note that he stares at the camera before it cuts back to the game. Editing flub?

3:52 - 4:01: IG compliments the game giving you a large life-bar, but it won’t help against all the shit they throw at you. *waits* No annoying joke or edit? Surprising.

4:02 - 4:43: He starts talking about level 3 and how you can fall through the blocks. There’s a strange amount of good points in this video. Why did I call it one of the worst?
He also complains about the enemies, saying they aren’t in the movie or even found in a regular cave. Wondering why they couldn’t put in bats or snakes and suggests random things like cows and Richard Simmons tapes. Now I’m starting to remember why this is one of the worst. Random references like that aren’t funny.

If you’re going to complain that the enemies weren’t in the movie, then why aren’t you complaining that there’s a cave level? Remember all those caves in Predator?

4:43 - 5:08: He reaches the boss of level 4 (a Predator) and defeats him, saying he’s easy if you got the laser gun and how your “overrated fists of fury” won’t defeat him. You’re the one that overrated them with those flashy effects!

5:08 - 5:37: IG tells us that defeating this Predator won’t end the game because there’s still ten more Predators despite there being only one in the movie. During this bored rant the Predator continues to watch him and good lord this thermal effect sucks. I actually found a user on YouTube that showed a much better thermal effect in Photoshop.
You can view it here (by biohazardoussnark): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qiM9dy-UI9E
He even provides a tutorial for the Photoshop-savvy: http://www.iamcraiglewis.co.uk/predator_tutorial.pdf

Oh and a predictable “you ever get the feeling you’re being watched” line. Have to fill the “trite-quota” somehow.

5:38 - 6:29: IG brings up the game’s numerous precision jumps and how many levels have a lot of small platforms to jump across. Well it is a platformer…
“Over-jump your target, you fall down below. Under-jump your target, you fall down below. An enemy hits you, you fall down below” Touch the top of the building you die, touch the ceiling you die, touch the floor you die, too far to the right you die, too far to the left you die, you die, you die, you die die die die die die DIE! He just loves stealing this bit doesn’t he? And don’t give me that “there’s no other way to explain it” crap.

*ahem* The jumping in this game is difficult to control, especially in the platforming segments with multitudes of tiny blocks. It’s a tedious process and frustrating when you’re almost at the top only for one over-shot jump to impede your progress.

But this over-explanation is interrupted by another needless joke! Bores falls on purpose to the left of the screen and starts going through multiple screens leading to the gag where he’s in different games, ending on Dutch going through Hell and Devil Bores commenting on it. Ugh, there’s two minutes left. Just two minutes.

6:30 - 6:45: He talks about the large amount of levels and how some are called “Level Big Mode” and it’s called that because everything is big, leading to…
“Well if we’re going to be honest, why not just call a few of these stages ‘Level PieceOfFuckingShit?’” I can’t figure out why, but this jokes hurts me. And not in the usual way.

6:46 - 7:23: He gets to a level where he needs to throw grenades at the wall to reach other items. His comment “It would be a helluva lot easier if these enemies weren’t trying to kill me!” Pfft hahahahahahaha! Wow, that’s all kinds of dumb. Complaining that enemies are actually trying to kill you, I’m amazed.

Then we see Bores “Winter-Gaming” and whining while trying to take another shi- I mean get angry or something. Along with some really bad acting and ugly expressions. During this he breaks his controller in half. Quite a clean break if you ask me, almost seems planned…

So we’ve FINALLY reached the end of this endurance test with Bores telling us the game sucks when the Predator’s triangle laser sight appears on his shirt. He ducks out of the way of a Particle Illusion effect and explosion that hits his NES shelf… and does nothing to it. That shelf must be on a separate plane of existence to withstand an explosion. That or Bores was too lazy to make his NES games fall.

The Predator appears and good lord does it look lame. I do wonder who’s in the costume though, Bores doesn’t give credit to who it is.

Now, before I get to the fight scene I want to bring up something he said in the comments to the trailer video. Bores was bragging about his martial arts training and said that we’ll be seeing some of it in this video. I have a feeling he might have been lying.

IG charges the Predator, disarms him, but the Predator gets him into a chokehold, IG knees him then punches him but gets punched back knocking him over. He gets up and delivers a bunch of badly-choreographed punches finally knocking down the Predator. So the Predator blows himself up taking IG along with him! Nooo that’s what the movie Predator would do, the shitty Irate Gamer Predator just lies there while IG grabs his gun and… blows his head off. Watch AVGN’s Friday the 13th episode much? Seriously, it’s almost exact.
Bores stares at the camera and the video ends.

*slams head down* Now I really remember why this is one of the worst. It’s unbelievably boring! He sounds bored throughout most of the video, there aren’t enough idiotic complaints to make fun of, the fight at the end was slow and bordered on Mary Sue levels, it was just a big ball of dull! That and all the material he stole for this. I mean, three reviewers?

On the bright side, for you at least, the next video is abysmal. There will be sooooo much to talk about in that one.
I’m going to go watching something exciting, like After Last Season.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Status Report: Meh

I'm still here everyone. I'm not completely gone.

As for new stuff Bores has done? Not a lot.
He reuploaded the Marvel vs Capcom 3 video to YouTube, adding an unfunny scene with Devil Bores when talking about Arthur and the Ghosts n' Goblins stage.
He also reuploaded History Part 1 IN HD! He did change a few things though. He's wearing different clothes in the intro and "cockpit" scene, and altered/removed the cursing. "Holy fireballs of shit" became "Holy fireballs of crap" (with a bizarre emphasis on crap) and he removed the "WHAT DA FAWK?" after learning his opponent got 64 points.

That's all for now. Just meh.

Edit: I'm not ending this just yet. Stop asking if I'm going to quit.