Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Uncensored Net Noise Revisted. A Brutal 10 Minutes That Still Haunts Him

Every couple days or so, I search the Irate Gamer by "Upload Date" on YouTube, just to see if he's uploaded anything new. I'm not subscribed so this is the way to check. The other day, the tags picked up a video from the Uncensored Net Noise channel. My first thought was "they have a YouTube channel now?" but after that I wondered if they were reposting that episode. Not exactly.

It was actually their November 25th 2011 broadcast, a clip show of the best moments. One of which was the now-infamous Irate Gamer interview.
It starts around 2 hours 21 minutes here:

For those that don't know: On June 6th, 2008, a small internet radio show "Uncensored Net Noise" invited Chris Bores for an interview, announcing this prior to the taping. When small time user (at the time) TheArchfiend caught wind of this, he informed UNN about his plagiarism and overall hackiness as a warning. What happened on the show... was glorious.

UNN did not pull any punches. Right off the bat they asked about the plagiarism accusations, and Bores realized this interview was not going to kiss his ass or stroke his ego. He began stumbling through his answers, trying to convince them that he is different, and that he wasn't inspired by James but "100 other people doing the same thing" (one of the first instances of this claim). He tried convincing us his Ninja Turtles review was different as he talked about five games instead of one and said different things about the first. Of course, nobody was buying it.
They ask him what the worst game he ever played was, and he takes a good minute to finally decide on MUSCLE because "there were so many". Even though at the time, his latest video was ROB Part 1 and most of the games he reviewed by then were actually good.
One host asked Bores if he ever played "Hack Attack", an NES game where you go around killing bad comedians like Gallagher. Of course, Hack Attack is not real. Whether Bores could tell he was joking or not was hard to tell from his voice (but he sounded kind of sincere when he said "nope, I haven't")
The hosts also call him Carlos Mencia and Carrot Top and mention they're bringing on a "real band" after his interview. As he hangs up, one of the hosts blurts out "you suck!"

As you can probably tell, the interview was brutal. There were other aspects but they weren't as controversial as that. Afterwards, their chat room went crazy, as they discussed how Bores just kept lying through his teeth.

The critics had a field day with this interview. It was mirrored all over the place, with Bores sending his fans out to flag it for copyright infringement (never mind that it belongs to UNN, who I'm sure had no issues with people uploading it). In the end, Bores' reputation took a severe blow. More so than ever.

A lot of people out there, even some critics, defended Bores, claiming the hosts were being mean. First off, they're a comedy/music-based radio show. Like Opie & Anthony, they're crass and over-the-top. Second, they probably were going to conduct a normal interview, and were curious about the plagiarism accusations. When Bores refused to give a real answer, they pushed until they realized this guy wasn't going to give a straight answer and decided to call him out on his bullshit. Sure, it may have been harsh, but nobody likes a liar.

The effect the interview had on Bores still lingers to this day. He no longer does interviews (that French gaming site being a rare exception) and his pile of lies continued to grow as he constantly changes his story about certain things. Like how those "100 other guys" are now "200 other guys" and after 4 years finally mentioned the AVGN. Sure, maybe if things went better, he would do things like conventions and actually meet the fans (what few he has). But that ended up not happening, and now he only goes to E3 because GotGame needs traffic. No matter how bad he is at taking interviews himself.

Before I finish up, there's something that completely slipped my mind.
Remember Cry Wolf Productions? That group of false-flagging assholes that took down a good number of anti-Irate Gamer videos? Sure, their leader was taken out. But a while ago, something appeared that baffles me.

Someone asks his "mother" what Cry Wolf Productions is, and she tells him it's his sister company. ... Wait what?
Is this telling us that Bores really did endorse the false-flagging of all those videos? Then some "James Duxton" guy took the fall for it? What's going on?
Actually, long before the false-flagging spree, a video from Y2B2010 (a reupload of his DVD interview) was flagged for copyright infringement by "Cry Wolf Productions". Was this around before then? Why the massive takedowns? I am so confused...

I wonder if Bores is ever going to upload his Sonic Generations review to YouTube. Because he passed off the footage as his own, Cyberman65 has every right to flag it for theft.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Redux Recap: I.G. the Ignorant Guttertrash

E3 is over, it’s probably going to be a long while before Bores makes anything new.

I’m so very very very sorry for taking so long with this redux recap. Last one I did was in January, man sometimes I’m as bad as Bores.

Before I get into the video, there’s something I need to address, it’s also part of the reason I held off on this. The AVGN movie. It’s about E.T. on the Atari 2600, and from the sounds of it, it’ll be about the legendary New Mexico burial. Since the popular thing now is to call James the worst person on the planet, and shower Bores with praise (no idea how this happened), I was a bit weary… But screw those guys, here’s my piece on this.

First off, he’s not “ripping off” IG by talking about E.T. It’s been classified as one of the worst games ever made, tons of people have talked about it. Also, the plot of the movie isn’t even that original, X-Play did it years ago as a parody of “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas”. Though I imagine James’ bigger budget and additional cast will tell a better story (he even got Howard Scott Warshaw, that’s impressive).
That’s all I really have to say about this.

Onto the video! Part 1!

0:18 - 1:40: The video opens on the “New Mexico Desert”. That has to be the greenest, most lush desert I have ever seen! So many trees, and so little dirt. … We’re in trouble already.

We see IG holding a shovel and walking about this *pfft* “desert” looking for something. After a while, he finds a random spot and starts digging. How did he know this was the spot? It looks just like every other part of the “desert”.
After another while, he hits something and comes across some well-preserved copies of E.T. for the Atari 2600. The sad part about this scene? He bought 4-5 copies and purposely buried them just to do it.

Here’s some trivia about the New Mexico burial. It wasn’t just E.T. that was buried there, Atari had a multitude of unsold games that went in along with it. E.T. is just well known because it was likely the largest amount they had. But that doesn’t mean it’s rare, it still sold millions to consumers who didn’t have the means to learn this was a rushed pile of garbage.
Also, the cartridges were crushed. If you dug them up, you’d just find a ton of broken plastic. Plus, I doubt you can easily dig it up with a single shovel in a few minutes.

Then again, there are people that claim the burial isn’t even real so what do I know?
The scene ends with Bores holding up multiple cartridges to the camera while giving another look of “WHY WON’T THE EX-LAX WORK”

1:41 - 2:34: The review part begins with IG talking about the movie and bringing up the scene where E.T. almost dies. Rather random scene to bring up. It’s been years since I’ve seen it but don’t most people remember other scenes? Like the bicycle over the moon, Elliot’s little sister seeing E.T. for the first time, Halloween night. Just saying…
Oh, it was a set-up to a transition to the game. “There was another reason that would end up making fans cry even more”. Cry? No. Unbelievably angry that they paid money for a broken mess? Absolutely.

He goes into some history, noting how the end result was what people call the “Worst Video Game in History”, with big red text to emphasize this. Well, ONE OF the worst in history, but THE worst is subjective. Besides, E.T. can’t be the worst on the 2600 considering the lack of quality control and licensing, with companies like Quaker and Pedigree releasing games. It’s only called that because it was based on a popular movie, it was made by Atari, a lot of people bought it, saw how bad it was, and that’s how it got that title

Then he brings up how up the game was made in six weeks, compared to normal production time of 3-4 months.

2:34 - 3:01: “After releasing E.T., people were so confused and frustrated by the game…” Wait a sec, did he say frustrated correctly? Hallelujah, there is hope! See Chris, speech lessons are a good thing. Maybe next time you can say “flaws” without adding a second “L”.

He mentions how lots of people returned the game, and that Atari buried them in the desert. Showing the lush, green “desert” from earlier. Just because you used this field as a desert for your opening sketch, doesn’t mean it’s an actual desert. Ohio doesn’t even have a desert. And again, Atari buried more than just E.T.
“And since I just happen to figure out the secret location that these things were buried in” No, I’m not going tell you how I figured it out. Shut up.

“Time to dust off the old Atari, and see how bad this game really is” See see, I have an Atari guys! I’m so a gamer!

3:02 - 4:37: IG starts the game and points out E.T.’s goofy smiling face on the title screen.
“Now I’m not sure what a shit-eating grin looks like, but if I had to guess, this would be it.” No, that is not a shit-eating grin. Look up a picture of Bobby Kotick if you want to see one. Or just some of your later videos, you really pull it off well.

He explains the game, how you need to find three telephone pieces by falling into one of the many holes, but there’s a lot of holes so you need to do a lot of searching.
“This piss-poor attempt at trying to add strategy to a game” Strategy? This sounds more like luck, there’s no strategy to randomly generated telephone pieces in different holes every time.

He brings up the question mark at the top that tells you which pit has a phone piece, then goes into how getting out of the hole is a pain. Followed by a montage of him trying to get out of various holes. I’ve looked it up and what you do is move left or right, not up. Pressing up puts you back in the hole. Not blaming Bores here, just the poor programming.

4:38 - 5:22: “If that wasn’t frustrating enough” He said right again! Oh man, so good that he finally gets it right and he’ll never mispronounce it again. Right? …. Right?

He talks about the FBI agent and scientist that go afteryou. Interestingly enough, you can get rid of these two if you play “Game 3” instead of “Game 1” or “Game 2”. I’m surprised Bores didn’t try the Easy mode considering that’s his go-to default for getting the review portion out of the way since that’s the “boring” part to him.

Some more forced anger, and then he runs out of health and dies (not a timer Chris)

5:23 - 5:49: “Well I’ve had it! This is absolutely the worst game I’ve ever played in my life!” And I’m totally serious, I’m not bandwagon-jumping at all! I’m not baiting for views because someone else wouldn’t review the game. Nope, totally serious about this.

He yells that E.T. should go find his own fucking way home and throws his controller. Suddenly, the movie’s theme starts playing as the camera zooms in on the cartridge and Bores attempts “acting” by looking sad. He decides to try again.
I’m curious if that music is on the DVD version. I would know but someone that said he would send me copies never did. Thanks a lot.

5:50 - 6:19: IG  tries again in a fast-paced scene of him going through him, at one point cutting to him. Jeez, how do you do fake playing on an Atari 2600 controller? It’s like you’re doing that on purpose. It’s certainly not convincing anyone.

He collects the complete phone, calls the Mothership and waits. But then the scientist shows up and takes him away. You should have learned about Game 3.

Part 1 ends with IG yelling out “Mothersucker Doublefucker”… whatever that means and yells at the cartridge again, promising to make it wish he was never born. That would require some time travel to 1982 and… oh never mind.
Then there’s a knock at the door, it’s the FBI. Ah good timing, this person is trying to profit off of lies by pretending he’s something he’s not, and stealing from people to do it! Actually, they’re there because IG stole the games from… the… burial. Ooooh dear lord the stupid.
Chris, if someone throws away an item, it’s officially public property. That couch you put on the curb? Someone can take it and there would be no legal repercussions. If it was actually possible to dig up the New Mexico burial, I don’t think Atari or the god damn FBI would mind that you stole from them. However, there’s a reason he included that knock, and oh boy is it terrible.

IG gloats that the FBI are going to take him away, but then the theme starts up again and he attempts acting sad again. What’s even happening here? How does the music somehow make him sad and forgiving of the cartridge? Is it somehow capable of puppy dog eyes? If that’s the case, I don’t think people would be so quick to return the game. It’s not a living alien, it’s a piece of plastic!
Is this supposed to be a reference to the movie? I haven’t seen it in years, and I don’t have access to it so I can’t watch and confirm it.

Because of this power that makes zero sense, IG decides to help it escape. We then get his attempt at the bicycle escape scene from the movie, combining real footage of him bike-riding and green-screen footage of him bike-riding. He somehow loses the FBI, and then asks E.T. to make him fly. It’s plastic! This is so god damn stupid!
And because it’s plastic, IG just rams right into a nearby dumpster. Because using a bicycle’s brakes would be too logical, and logic is dead.
IG falls right next to two different E.T. games. Were those just waiting on the ground for someone to pick them up? If someone tried to dispose them, they missed the dumpster. Unless the implication is that he hit the dumpster so hard that the games flew out, but that wouldn’t make sense, and if that was the case why didn’t he show that? Going idea no what‘s I on have. Part 1 over.

Part 2 was actually released at the same time because MONEY so I’ll talk about it right now.

0:03 - 0:25: Since it’s part 2, there’s no intro. Right into the madness.
IG mentions that E.T. got such a beating that nobody dared touch the franchise. That or nobody cared as there was no reason to release an E.T. game during the third, fourth or fifth generations. What would a Super Nintendo E.T. game even be? Probably just a clunky platformer.
“But almost 20 years later, Nintendo took the plunge” Wrong! Both games you’re going to look at were published by NewKidCo, Nintendo had nothing to do with their creation. In fact, both games were made to coincide with the movie’s 20th anniversary and re-release to cinemas (that was the infamous one that replaced guns with walkie-talkies, something Spielberg promises won’t be on the Blu-Ray release). Also, there was a PlayStation 1 game. Are you going to talk about that? Nope!

“They decided to release a few E.T. titles for the Game Boy Advance” Wait for it…
“The first one we’re going to look at is called E.T. and the Cosmic Garden” That’s not a GBA game, that’s a Game Boy Color game. There’s a huge difference!
“Time to plug in the Game Boy Advance Player to the bottom of the Gamecube…” It’s just “Game Boy Player”, no Advance. Also, I think you’d find it easier if you actually plugged in your Gamecube, and had a controller connected.

0:26 - 1:19: IG explains the objective is maintaining a garden, and immediately writing it off as a piece of shit. I don’t know, it looks okay to me. Just a quick garden sim, nothing in-depth like Harvest Moon.
He points out that you need to fertilize the plants using your pet’s fecal matter, and is aghast by the fact you play with shit. You mean a game about gardening has fertilizer, something that’s very important to maintaining a healthy garden? My mind is so blown that it’s on the other side of the room! … Ugh.
He also points out you actually see his pet take a dump. How else would you know there’s fertilizer available?
After keeping your plants alive, he goes to the next stage and complains that gardening is the only thing you do in the game. What else is he supposed to do? It’s called “E.T. and the Cosmic Garden”, plus this clearly reeks of rush-job. Just like this review.
Also, no mention of the music? The only video clip I found shows it has awful music.

“Cosmic Garden should be shit out of a cosmic asshole” What’s a cosmic asshole? Never mind. First game done.

1:20 - 1:57: He moves onto E.T. for the GBA. What’s that in his first controller port? That doesn’t look like the Wavebird’s receiver, it looks third-party.

The first mission is to collect flowers that are spread apart pretty far. He decides to pause for a moment… with the Super Mario Bros. 3 pause sound effect. Something that’s obviously not in the game. We’re not stupid Chris, just pause the footage if you want to discuss something, no need to waste time searching out Mario sound effects just for that.

The reason he paused is ask the audience how E.T. defends himself, giving three choices. Since this joke was taken from an episode of Garfield and Friends, and likely many other cartoons/bad comedies the answer is obviously the last one. Ugh.

1:58 - 2:20: He moves onto the next level, a maze full of FBI agents. He says don’t let them catch you they’ll force E.T. to … give them a blowjob. Then it shows what looks like that, even though it‘s just an agent shaking him. This is why having an audience of kids hurts you, by explaining the joke to them, you kill the joke!
We also cut to a grimacing IG doing more of his awful fake-playing with… what the hell kind of third party controller is that? You really couldn’t find a Wavebird, or even a regular controller?

He complains that later objectives in the game stop being “fun” and start being stupid. Stupid you say?

2:21 - 2:52: He pauses again (same out-of-place Mario sound) to explain why he needs to run around the “neighborhood”. Neighborhood? That looks like a house!
He once again gives a multiple choice question, and since he’s predictable it’s C. I really wonder what the point of this “joke” was. What purpose does it serve other than slowing down the video?
So you have an issue with collecting P-Blocks but not with collecting flowers? Man, you’d hate… just about every MMORPG ever.

“I guess logic really has no place here” That’s exactly how I describe your videos.
“And I can tell that by all the P(ee) and poop found in these games” More toilet humor. Remind me how he’s better for “not” using it?
He also points out that there’s a toilet in the GBA game. Yes, how dare they put a toilet in what’s obviously a bathroom. Screw accuracy, every bathroom in media MUST be like The Brady Bunch! I WILL NOT ALLOW TOILETS!
“What do you expect me to do, wipe my ass?” *points to above statement about accuracy*

2:53 - 3:14: We cut to IG saying it’s ridiculous and … if they want toilets so bad he’ll give them a toilet. What? How do they want toilets? What does that mean?
He removes the cartridge, goes to his bathroom, and, I’m not kidding, actually flushes it down the toilet. You just ruined a perfectly good game, good job you asshole. Be glad it’s not a rare game either otherwise you’ll have collectors tearing you apart. As for its quality, the reviews I’ve seen say it’s hit-or-miss, the common complaint being the overly hard difficulty. Hmm, wonder why Bores didn’t mention that.

The video ends with IG noting that the other two games are too big to flush so he plans to blow them up. Before he puts the Atari game in the box, he looks at it again and finds some fine print about phoning home with a 555 number. I remember back when comments were enabled, people would claim they tried calling that number. People need to realize 555 numbers aren’t meant to be called, they’re fake ones used in various media so real people don’t get called if a real number is mentioned. Just ask all the people that had the number 867-5309 in the 80’s. Sorry, got off on a tangent.

IG refuses, but then the theme music plays again and we go through this bit one last time. For those playing at home, take a shot for rule of three use.
He gives in and calls the Mothership, threatening to pick them up or he’ll blow them up. He puts the Atari game in the box with the bomb still inside. Gee, I wonder if he’ll keep his promise.

Later that night, he goes outside and sees the Particle Illusion spotlight effec- I MEAN the Mothership. Hang on, that’s the same effect as the Roswell scene in the Chris & Scottie Road Trip. Considering how long he reused that same explosion, this really shouldn’t be a surprise. But three years?

The Mothership picks up the box with Star Trek technology and flies off. IG starts having memories about the game, but then they turn to bad memories, leading to scrunchy face! Why is he thinking about the GBA game? It’s not in the box, he flushed that.
So IG… blows up the ship. Our hero everyone! Blowing up innocent aliens over a bad game. Such a role model! Then he gives a smug nod to the camera.

Before the video cuts, he actually gives a special thanks to someone. Captain Chuck of ClipCritics for voicing the FBI agent. Checking their channel, they abuse the thumbnail system by using half-naked women. Classy. What’s interesting is that they made a tag video four years ago, and one of them was the Irate Gamer. Warning, contains horrible gay joke in the beginning, and horribleness for the rest of the video.

Terrible, just terrible. Despite reviewing three games, this had a rushed feeling to it. Especially in the last two where he barely went into detail. Plus, his bandwagon jumping about this being the worst game he’s ever played. I wonder what his answer to that question is now, if he even remembers reviewing this game at all.
Dumb sketches, awful jokes, as par for the course.

I hope to get the next Redux Recap out much sooner (again, I’m very very sorry). I’ll cover his review of Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law.

Here in the present, Bores posted yet another contest video. Giving away necklaces from Tribal Hollywood, a jewelry store for men. Like I said last time, this is the type of stuff douchebags wear.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

E3 2012 Part 3: The Homestretch

Last time on IG’s Endless E3 Snoozefest
Rewritten Transformers canon? I doubt that. A Capcom rep shows even they can be dumber than the fraudulent gamer that somehow scores interviews. Some major bias towards Skylanders. Bores somehow scores interviews with Ubisoft on Assassin’s Creed and Rayman. He loses major nerd points for not being able to identify the two main characters in Star Trek. A boring-ass montage about Mario. And some things about Darksiders II and some indie game.

And now, the conclusion.

Video #18: IG’s E3 2012 Swag Round up Video
Date: July 5th 2012

The first video to be posted on YouTube only. I guess Rayman Legends really was the last video there.
As you can guess from the title, the video is Bores showing off the stuff he got at E3. The reason he’s doing this? Because SWAGshow couldn’t go. Whatever…

Ugggh, the entire video is Bores showing stuff and saying “this was cool” or “this was neat” or something similar.
He’s really redundant too, “Over at Sony, there was this Sackboy doll handed out by Sony”. Or he’s really obvious “There’s this Dungeons and Dragons Nevermore mug if you played the game… I guess there’s a new Dungeons and Dragons game”.
And what’s the point of the transition effects? You’re doing a vlog, you don’t need to put that damn flashy effect in every couple of minutes. Keep it simple, stupid!

He also brings up Haunted Investigators again when showing a Resident Evil 6 flashlight. Here’s a thought, finish your first episode before planning the ones you haven’t started.

There’s really nothing to say. It was that boring.

Video #19: Top 5 Best of E3 2012 Show stealers
Date: July 6th 2012

Another YouTube exclusive.
As a reminder, here’s his Top 5 from last year (in no particular order as he put it).
1. Super Mario 3D Land. (Awesome game)
2. Sonic Generations (Pretty good game)
3. Ninja Gaiden 3 (Easy piece of crap with no variety, and heinously boring)
4. Kinect Star Wars (How the hell did he think this would be good? No surprise that it ended up sucking)
5. Kirby’s Return to Dream Land (Great game)

As the description notes, this will also be in no particular order. Show stealers huh? Let’s see what he picks.

1. Injustice: Gods Among Us
He’s looking forward to this one because it has “fighting between DC characters” and “special moves” and “all that good stuff”. … Right.
He also brings up how it’s not using Fatalities. Why do people keep bringing this up? I don’t care that it’s the same people behind Mortal Kombat, DC isn’t going to allow their characters to give or receive fatalities. Especially since a good number of them DO NOT KILL!

2. The Last of Us
“Last of Us by Sony” Naughty Dog Chris, they aren’t a small unknown. They’ve been a big name since the hey days of the Playstation 1.
“This one took everyone by storm” This wasn’t a world premiere, we saw a trailer during the Spike VGAs. Yes, this was the first bit of gameplay, but I’ve seen people compare this to I Am Alive or Uncharted. I know Naughty Dog did the latter, but that doesn’t help this.
“It’s a very original concept” Pffffffffffft.

3. Tomb Raider
Oh lord, this game. Everything I hear about it makes me want to vomit.
“By Ei-dos” You pronounced it wrong, and I believe the company you’re looking for is “Square-Enix”. They own Eidos now, the game is even being published by Square-Enix.

“The gameplay they showed was simply enthralling” *plays Uncharted theme*
And he goes on about how it’s so action packed and… *sighs* You are way to easy to impress, it looks like every other action game out right now.

4. Rayman Legends
“A very co-op oriented game” Too bad you don’t have anyone to play with.
Nothing else to say really…

5. New Super Mario Bros. U
… A rehash. An HD Wii game. *sighs* Why do I bother?
 He does acknowledge not everyone will agree with him so he might be getting smarter… until he says that there’s a vast difference between this and the Wii version. No, there really isn’t. All they did was upscale it, add a few new elements, and called it a new game.
“The Mario universe more expansive and interesting” No, something like Galaxy or 3D Land did that. This only exists because the Japanese love it.  The NSMB games sell way more than the original stuff like Galaxy or 3D Land.

The video ends with IG saying tomorrow is going to be the worst-of list. Oh… joy. Then he shows the title screen to New Super Mario Bros. 2. That’s the wrong game you idiot!

I’m surprised there was no God of War though.

Video #20: Top 5 Worst of E3 2012 Games Demo’s & Presentations
Date: July 7th 2012

I think there’s a grammar error in the title.
So this might be the last video, though there might be a blooper video like last year.

Here’s his Top 5 Worst (rather, disappointing) from last year.
1. WWE ‘12 (Run of the mill WWE game)
2. Final Fantasy XIII-2 (Depending on who you ask, it was either better or worse than XIII)
3. X-Men Destiny (How far Silicon Knights have fallen…)
4. Twisted Metal (Insanely fun)
5. The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword (Awesome game)

It’s longer than the last video, let’s see where this goes.

1. Madden NFL 13
… HOW?! How can you be disappointed in a Madden game? It’s the same damn thing every year! It’s worse than annual installments of Call of Duty or Mario!

He mentions how the MS conference really hyped these new features and he had to get a hands-on look. … You fell for Madden hype. I can’t believe you’re really this dumb.
He tries it, and saw the only new thing was shouting commands through Kinect. Yes, the accessory you can’t even use in your tiny tiny gaming room. How did you even plan to play Kinect Star Wars in that area?
“It’s more work than it’s worth” You could just use your controller. It’s an optional feature. Like using the Kinect for Mass Effect 3, or Skyrim, or Ghost Recon: Future Soldier. This isn’t Kinect Sports.

2. Wonderbook
Well, at least he agrees with the internet majority for once. And he actually says what most people were thinking. Huh…

3. South Park: The Stick of Truth
Wait, weren’t you really excited for this one?
“I thought it was really cool to see Matt and Trey Parker” It’s Matt Stone and Trey Parker! They’re not brothers, we went over this!
He’s upset because he couldn’t get an interview. So what? Obviously not every game is going to have a rep there to give info. Perhaps they want to surprise people? That’s how Matt & Trey work, they make an episode in six days and leave the details a surprise. Sure, this is a game and it’s much more complicated, but the point still stands.

4. PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale
Or as he calls it “PS Vita All-Stars Battle Royale”. Hey idiot, it’s on both PS3 and Vita. The conference even made it clear that during the demo, two people were on PS3, and two were on Vita. Pay attention!

At least he says what everyone else has been saying, it looks like Smash Bros. Though he keeps saying “Super Smash Bros Brawl”. Just say Smash Bros, you don’t have to say the full title of the third game. Makes life easier.

5. Nintendo Land
He brings up how they spent a lot of time on Nintendo Land. If you did a little research, there’s a rumor that Retro Studios had a game planned but called Nintendo and told them “Don’t show it”. You can tell something happened from Reggie’s annoyed expression at the end of the conference.

“Virtual World inside the Wii U” Nooooo. It’s like Wii Spots, but made to show how to use the Wii U Gamepad. It’s a separate game, it’s not “in the Wii U”. It might be a digital download, but I think Nintendo is going to package it with Wii U, making the need for a digital version pointless.

“I could be totally wrong” Yes. Yes you are.

He then complains that they barely spent any time on Mario. … It’s the same fucking game as the Wii version! With new levels and different power-ups! It’s not a big deal!

He then goes into how he doesn’t understand Nintendo’s strategy, and how they’re focusing on this “younger audience”. Oh fuck you, you’re not going to invoke this again!
“Us old school gamers that played on the NES, we’ve grown up now” GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- *stops* *breathes* Where the hell did this come from? You’ve never invoked “Nintendo is Kiddy” before this. Now you’re all “Nintendo needs to stop focusing on kids”. What the hell is this?

“Give us Metroid” You got two original Wii titles! Miyamoto wants one for Wii U. You’re likely going to get it.
“Give us gritty Zelda” And what is this “gritty Zelda” you keep going on about? It’s not going to happen! Nintendo is not going to lose millions on an M-Rated Zelda! The closest you’re going to get is Twilight Princess! Fucking play that and don’t expect Link to turn into Kratos any time soon!
He also brings up Other M for some reason. If this relates to “Nintendo is Kiddy”, that is soooo far from the truth. Other M was hated because of a terrible story that completely ruined Samus Aran’s character.
“I don’t think Nintendo will ever catch on making these games for older audiences” Fire Emblem. Also, Nintendo has ALWAYS been about gaming everyone can play. … Seriously where the fuck did this attitude come from? Are you trying to appeal to the dudebros that play Call of Duty all day? I just don’t get it.

So he ends the video, saying he’ll have one more of bloopers or something, and after that it’s back to “normal broadcasting”. Yeah, waiting months at a time for a new video. That sure is normal.

You know, if the next video is just bloopers, that means I’m done with this recap. I need to wash the E3 stench off, it’s permeated for far too long. Hell, it’s been a month since the conference ended! It goes to show how long he drags this shit on...

EDIT: Checking his site, he finally brings up Tribal Hollywood's purpose. They "helped with the show", whatever that means, and they provided products he will ... give away... in the coming weeks... *sighs* I thought you got rid of the contests! He also says to check their site because he loves their products.
You know, let me check and see what they have. *clicks link, gets 404* Huh? *checks URL* Oh jeez, he completely screwed up the URL. He included both his site and Tribal Hollywood. How do you do that?

*manually visits their site* Jewelery for men. Stuff like pendants, chains, necklaces, rings and so on, but intended for men. This raises a couple questions. If Bores loves their products so much, why does he never wear them in his videos? (EDIT: He wears a necklace in the three videos recapped here, hard to notice) And he said he plans to give this stuff away, does he really think his 11-12 year old fans would be interested in this?

This is the type of stuff douchebags wear. ... Makes sense Bores would like it then.

EDIT 2: His montage/bloopers video is up. It's a load of nothing. Though the video does show he got an interview about a Family Guy game, wonder why he dropped it.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

E3 2012 Part 2: One Shall Stand, One Will Likely Fall Asleep from the Genericness

Last time on IG’s Endless E3 Snoozefest.
Bores reveals he has no idea what kind of event E3 is when detracting points from Sony for not having celebrities. He believes there’s a game called “Dance Party 3”. He also believes New Super Mario Bros. U pushes the limits of the Wii U. “Nintendo is Kiddy” is invoked with idiotic reasoning. A lame Magic: The Gathering video game is heavily praised. His knowledge on fighting games continues to fail by mentioning “limit breaks”. And apparently he thinks God of War is a comedy.

And now, the continuation.

Video #9: Transformers Fall of Cybertron
Date: June 20th 2012

*looks at title card* Part 8? Brilliant oversight Bores!

After the same bit with Steve Masters from the last video (is this how we’re going to open every video now? Oh dear…) we go into the interview.
More generic safeness with obvious questions. A good 80% is about the characters in the game.
At one point, it’s stated Grimlock is going to have a different origin story. So later in the interview, he asks if they’ll rewrite canon. *sighs* Hello? Anybody home? Pay attention!

Sorry it’s so short, looks like we didn’t get a good starter for Part 2 here…

Video #10: Resident Evil 6
Date: June 21st 2012

*sees intro says Transformers Fall of Cybertron* Could you go one video without doing something stupid?

Boring interview, boring interview, I gotta admit this game looks terrible.
He once again goes into the “zombie craze” like it’s a recent thing. Zombies have always been around! They didn’t become huge with The Walking Dead. If anything, they just lay dormant until big new movie/show/game comes out. Plus, with stuff like RDR Undead Nightmare and Call of Duty Nazi Zombies, people are sick of them.

By the way, his claim on “innovative mutated creatures”? I saw those flying ones in the last game! You fail at PR spinning.

Good lord, Capcom reps are so full of shit. I can see why Seth Killian quit. How are you comparing this to 24, Lost and Heroes? That wasn’t even Bores saying it. Somehow, the rep was dumber than Bores! God damn…

Video #11: Darksiders II 2
Date: June 23rd 2012

Why did you put different versions of “II” in the title? Do you think your audience isn’t smart enough to get basic roman numerals?

Right off the bat, Chris admits to not playing the first game. Something tells me GotGame forced this interview on him.
We get it Bores, you like God of War! You can stop reminding people you’re a fan. I don’t think this guy from THQ that doesn’t know you cares.
His second question asks about weapons. His third question… also asks about weapons. How do you get away with claiming you’ve worked in journalism? You’re below amateur.

Bores notes that there’s also jumping and climbing … and then says it gives him a “puzzle-like feeling”. *sighs* Darksiders does have puzzles. These are not examples of those. Considering you do the same jumping and climbing in God of War… Argh my brain is in pain!

I don’t even know anymore.

Video #12: Skylanders Giants
Date: June 23rd 2012

You might be thinking “two videos in one day? Holy crap” I don’t think that was the case. Darksiders 2 was probably uploaded after midnight, while this one was uploaded normally.

I’ve got a confession. After playing some Skylanders at a friend’s house… I bought the game and most of the figures. Plus, I was surprised at how many adult fans there were. I can see why the sequel doesn’t have Spyro’s name, he’s completely inconsequential. The only reason he’s “important” is that he had a franchise.

The title card is really awful. It’s Bores doing his “I’m supposed to be angry but I look constipated” face next to Tree Rex. Why are you angry? Are you attempting to look “Irate” even though this is the game you gave the most attention to?

As you might guess, it’s an interview and boy is it tedious.
Characters characters charaaxzaerazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz *gets slapped* Wha?
I did notice he took the time to add extra text explaining. I wonder why this series gets so much special treatment… Maybe because it’s damn easy?

Video #13: Assassin’s Creed 3
Date: June 26th 2012

What’s this? A game from Ubisoft? I’m shocked they let him near their booth after last year’s video. Sadly, this proves there’s no justice in this world…
Maybe Ubisoft didn’t see it. I know other people in the industry that have been blacklisted for much MUCH less. Like Jim Sterling and Destructoid got blacklisted from Konami because he criticized their PR methods and planning (such as releasing the MGS HD Collection the same day as Call of Duty, giving next to no attention to Snake Eater 3D, and their plan of releasing three Silent Hill games in one month, thankfully one was delayed).

Couldn’t you have conducted this interview at a better place? I don’t want to hear the damn Rabbids screaming while looking at ACIII footage.
After two questions about assassination methods, he asks about research. Yes Chris, they did a lot of research. Far more than you’ve ever done for your show. Despite your claims.

At this point there’s really not much I can say. He just keeps asking obvious questions over and over. I wonder what’s left. His favorite games list on Facebook included Star Wars 1313 and South Park: The Stick of Truth. We might see videos on those. Other stuff I don’t know.

Video #14: Hell Yeah Wrath of the Dead Rabbit First look
Date: June 27th 2012

For some reason, this video wasn’t posted on GotGame. I only found it on his Blip channel after seeing the below video calling itself “Part 15”. I thought it was another error on his part (can you blame me?), but I checked his Blip and there was this video.
UPDATE: The video was eventually uploaded on the 28th.

“Hell Yeah! Wrath of the Dead Rabbit”? Looking this up, it’s from an independent studio. Bores talking about a small company, what’s the catch? *published by Sega* Ooooh.

Yet another generic interview. Though he ends it saying the game’s title rather than his stupid catchphrase.

Video #15: Star Trek Ps3 Xbox 360 2013
Date: June 28th 2012

If you’re wondering why I’m not bringing up the descriptions, they’re almost all the same thing. “Highlighting this new game” or something like that.

“Camaraderie between the two guys” It’s Kirk & Spock! Well-established science-fiction characters. It isn’t like Ghostbusters were you’re a “new recruit” or the countless Star Wars games where you’re a new character. Major loss in nerd points.

He notes that the two seem to have different abilities. Gee, it’s almost like Spock is a Vulcan and can do things that Kirk, a human, can’t.

He notes that they “took artistic license” with the Gorn, changing them from their classic appearance. They likely did that because the original Gorn looks like shit. It was a guy in a rubber suit! Not a very convincing threat.

I’m searching for the light at the end of the tunnel, but I can’t find it!

Video #16: Super Mario Bros. 2
Date: 6/29/2012

No Chris, this is NEW Super Mario Bros. 2. You already talked about Super Mario Bros. 2, you said you hated it for very inane reasons.

“Irate Gamer is all about the Mario” That’s why he hated… never mind. At least it’s a short video.

Half the video is a montage of footage and IG playing the game, at one point holding up the 3DS to the camera and giving a doofy grin.
After playing, he says really likes how Mario games get new features. Like… swiveling blocks. Wooo? That’s about it.
The video ends with a special thanks to “Tribal Hollywood: Jewelry for Men”. I’m curious as to how (and why) they got involved with this video. He’s not wearing any jewelry so I don’t understand the plug.

Video #17: Rayman Legends for Wii-U
Date: 6/30/2012

Another Ubisoft game? Is Bores trying to cover Ubisoft titles to show people that he doesn’t hate them after all the bullshit he got last year?

I guess the interviews weren’t done.
“It’s very original” Someone clearly didn’t play Rayman Origins…
“I’m sure it’s going to get more complicated as the game goes on?” No shit! These obvious questions are hurting me…

The video ends with Bores making a face and devil horns to the camera. Stop that. Seriously.
There’s another Tribal Hollywood plug. What exactly did they do? I can’t tell!

It’s been a few days, where’s his next video? *receives message* I see… Seems that was his last interview. Rather abrupt ending if you ask me. He says he’ll have some final thoughts videos soon but I’ll save for those for Part 3. Man, so much boring…

Happy Independence Day to my US readers.