Thursday, August 30, 2012

Bores-formers: Nothing Makes Sense At All

*looks at IG’s Socialblade* Man, either small gains or small losses, this is pretty bad for a partner with over 130k subs. Not sure how looking up Socialblade is considered “stalking”, it’s a public site that anyone can access. Is it any different from looking up box office records or NPD sales?

Oh, he’s got a new video. But before I get to that, a couple of things to bring up.
His site updated a few days ago, mentioning that he’s working on a “big project”. What could be it be? Well, my Facebook informant saw an update from him talking about Haunted Investigators and that he’s “forced to secrecy”. By who? You’re the sole producer!
So yeah, it’s very likely this “big project” is more sleep-inducing nonsense about ghosts. Unless it’s miraculously exciting, don’t expect a recap on it.

A while ago, I contacted Eric “Wise Sage” Allen with a plea to stop LadyBuggin777 as she’s out of control and out of her mind, even bringing up the theory that it’s Chris pulling a Norman Bates. Unfortunately, he can’t do anything. He also confirmed that Chris is not pretending to be her, it really is her, and she has access to IG’s account. This would explain the angry “go cry to momma” and “I’m better than you because I make money” PM responses.

Meaning that screencap I posted a while ago? It was her not realizing which account she was using when throwing temper tantrums at “trolls”. She quickly shifted the blame on his crew “clowning around”. Funny how this “crew” somehow manages to type the exact same way she does, right down to the grammar.

Eric also told me he hasn’t been involved in the show for a while. I have sneaking suspicion that he’s trying to write out the Wise Sage. He was last seen in the RoboCop 2 & 3 review and that was nearly a year ago. Hell, he wasn’t included in that “Irate Gamer Colorform” set, yet Not-Wilson was. A Home Improvement recolor is now more important than the only person willing to appear in your videos.

Anywho, it’s a Neo video (big shock) and it’s on… Transformers: Fall of Cybertron? Oh wow, a game review within a fortnight of its release. Meaning he likely didn’t beat it.
By the way Chris, it’s just “Cybertron” not “CyberTron”. It’s not a porn version of the movie Tron.

0:06 - 0:56: The video starts out with him introducing the game, and when he gets to the footage he brings up that he played this at E3. For those that do an Irate Gamer drinking game, please add “I played this at E3” to your list, and take a shot every time he does that.
Then for whatever reason he brings up that he just watched Transformers: Dark of the Moon, and that it’s a competent action movie but it doesn’t please him as a Transformers fan because it didn’t have the characters he recognized. You don’t say?
He said playing this game made him feel like a kid again. How strange since this isn’t the G1 continuity, it’s an all new one that… never mind this is getting too nerdy.

He praises the story, cut scenes and fighting, lists off a few characters he recognizes and then curses Michael Bay because they weren’t in the movies. After reading the script to his shelved TMNT movie, loyalty to the source material is the LAST thing you should expect from him. I know he was only producing, but his trademarks were all over it.

0:57 - 1:19: He keeps going on about the characters, and says he can tell the creators were hardcore Transformers fans. Didn’t one of their reps tell you this himself at E3? It’s kind of a given since War for Cybertron was fairly faithful too.

We then cut to IG in a wide shot, giving away that something will show up on screen. My bet is on an Energon cube falling from the ceiling.
He brings up that you not only play as the good guys, but also the bad guys. Yeah, I’m getting the feeling that outside of that 5-10 minutes at E3 2010, he didn’t actually play War for Cybertron.
After he brings up the bad guys, Megatron walks in (still with the Starscream voice) and says it’s his time to shine. IG tells him that he only shows up at the end. The end? There’s 13 chapters and Megatron’s first playable chapter is 9. Sure it’s near the end but the way you phrased that made it sound like he only shows up in the final chapter. At least this implies he beat the game, or he watched a walkthrough on YouTube.
Of course, Megatron gets mad, walks off, and IG gives his stare at the camera and shrugs. Because he still thinks this is a wacky sitcom.

1:20 - 2:13: He brings up that at E3 he had trouble with the controls but believes they fixed them since then. For some reason it cuts to a shot of him, and he says “Well said, narrator” Wait, that’s NOT supposed to be you? How… wha? My eyes are leaking a mysterious navy blue fluid, I think it’s insanity.
The “narrator” even thanks him. Where the hell did this from? Is it like Haunted Investigators where you’re so obviously the narrator but you still refer to yourself in the third person like the narrator is someone else?

IG brings up that while there’s action missions, there’s also first-person sniper missions. He says he doesn’t go for first-person games because they consist of killing the enemies, waiting, killing the enemies, waiting, all while we cut to him doing that. I believe the proper term is “cover”, as in take cover so you don’t die from the storm of bullets turning you into swiss cheese.. Not every FPS is like that, just the overrated popular ones. You sure it’s not because of your self-diagnosed vertigo?
He prefers to run and gun and throw himself into the action, which gets him killed in two seconds. Well, it’s not the game’s fault that you suck Chris. We’ve gone over this so many times now.

He brings up that there were a few moments he kept dying on, but is thankful for the ability to switch difficulties, as we see him go down to easy mode. Chris Bores on Easy Mode? What a rare occurrence!
“I’m taking the easy way out! Don’t like it? Sue me!” Lawsuit? Nah, would be too frivolous. Mock you for once again going on easy? Oh ho ho ho most certainly.

Now for his final verdict.
Blah blah blah fans of show will love it especially if 80’s don’t care.
And then he signs out with Megatron-scream saying his catchphrase… and Bores tackling him. He’s also somehow taller than him. Either this is a mini-Megatron clone (would explain the higher-pitched voice), a Minicon that looks exactly like G1 Megatron, or Bores has no sense of scale or didn’t care just to make this stupid joke. The last one sounds the most logical.

So that was… somewhere between the bad and the mediocre. It was barely a review, spending way too much time on his nostalgia. All we got out of it is that he doesn’t like first-person shooters and “Transformers = Cool”. The bits with Megatron-scream were facepalm-inducing, and that “Well said narrator” part just really bugs me. At least when other shows address the narrator, it’s obviously a different voice. Like when Winnie the Pooh did it.

By the way, new drinking game addition. Take a shot every time his controller is off, it happens so much with his PS3 controller. How can you tell it’s off? There’s no red light on the top. As well no blue light on his Wii remote and no green light on his 360 controller (though these last two consoles are rare now as he’s gone full-blown PS3 fanboy).

That’s it for now. He also said on his site he’s working on a new regular IG episode so… late September maybe?

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Hungering for Steady-Cam. Bores Pretends He's An Expert Filmmaker

Whoa, a second movie review this year? Someone check Hell’s thermostat.

What’s he going to talk about? The Hunger Games. Wow, and I thought his Neo reviews were really late. Okay, to be fair it did just come out on DVD/Blu-Ray but anything he says about the movie really won’t matter now, months after it’s been in theaters.

He titled the video “Hunger Games - Down and Dirty Movie Rant and Review”. Down and dirty? What kind of title is that? Are you going to wrestle Woody Harrelson or something?
The description isn’t much better, as he says the “fisticuffs fly”. You’re spending 2 minutes 45 seconds talking about a movie, there’s no need to get that over-dramatic about it.
Oh look, he’s learned fake thumbnails too! We have an image of a supposedly topless Jennifer Lawrence with the words “Down and Dirty” censoring her chest. I’d say that I would forever hate YouTube if this video gets a ton of views because of that thumbnail, but my opinion of the site really can’t go any lower.

Onto the video.
Bores says that the story was entertaining but felt parts were “underexplained”. Or they purposely didn’t explain certain things to add material for the sequels. Just saying.
“My rant about this film isn’t about the story itself as most of my movie rants go” What movie rants?! You never rant about movies! All your previous videos on movies are “reviews”, you label them as reviews. Yes, they’re poorly made but they’re certainly not rants.

Instead, his rant is calling out the cinematographer. He complains that the movie has some of the weirdest “super-quick panning shots” and “shaky cam”. This rant would have been so much better had you made it in March. Back when everyone was already complaining about this.
He compares the footage to a YouTube video and asks if they heard of a Tripod. Where the hell do you get off calling them out for this? Where’s your big budget movie?
“What cinematographer do you know who doesn’t use a fucking tripod?!” Ever hear of a found footage movie Bores? Blair Witch Project, Cloverfield, Paranormal Activity?
“I bet you’re just one of those hippie assholes who loves to make a statement” Where did you get that idea? The whole point of the shaky cam is to showcase how chaotic The Hunger Games really are. It’s a bunch of kids killing each other. Also, where were your complaints on this during your review of the second Transformers movie? The camera work there is soooo much worse.

He then proceeds to call out the editor, claiming that if he finds him, he’ll smash his DVD over his head. Keep it classy!
Chris, you’re the last person to call out someone for bad editing. Do you really think your constant green screen with people sliding into frame like they're on ice, or bouncing into frame like they're South Park characters is any better?

He complains that shots go by too fast. Then tries to explain how they need to let the audience absorb each shot and take it in. Since when the hell did think you’re such a master filmmaker? You’ve done nothing to show any competence in the art of film.
Also, a lot of movies out there have fast cutting. Saving Private Ryan and The Shining are two great examples. Actually, Saving Private Ryan makes perfect sense. Both movies are in ultra-violent settings where the characters are relying on their instincts to fight through everything.
He also shows an example of a scene with multiple cuts. Actually, I think I get what they’re trying to convey here. They’re showing Katniss and Peeta entering on their chariot and the cuts to the audience are to show what Katniss is likely feeling. A lot of people watching her and her mind is racing and all over the place. That’s at least what I see from it.

Bores also keeps going on about getting motion sick or having a “mild case of epilepsy”. You know, if all these movies or games make you sick or give you seizures, maybe you should stop and find something else to review that won’t cause that. How about the Pokemon episode Electric Soldier Porygon?
“Are you fresh out of film school” Considering you never went, you need to shut the fuck up and quit acting like you’re an expert.
He says this was the first time he would rather read the book and mentions that before he hasn’t. You act like we’re surprised by this.

That’s basically the video. Bores acting all high and mighty like he’s a big time director or something. Again, you shouldn’t talk Bores. Your editing is abysmal, and when you go on about staying on shots for too short, all I can think of is the times where you stay on a shot too long. That is, all the times you stare at the camera telling people that this is the funny part.

Deliverance115, who has read the books and seen the movie, sees all the fast editing like this. The characters are bunch of kids, being thrust into a new world at an ultra-quick pace, their minds are racing and they have no clue what’s going on. It actually makes sense for everything to spin or shake when seen that way.
Considering how little Bores spent talking about the story, it seems like he missed it and only saw the technical side of it.

And if you think I’m being a bit hard on Bores thinking he’s so high and mighty? For the past year or so, fans have asked him if he’s making a movie. His response was always the same “Season 4 is my movie” or “My show is movie-like”. That’s what he claims, Season 4 or Season 1 HD or whatever the fuck he wants to call it is his “big movie”. He’s even stated that if you string all of the episodes together, you have his movie.

Let’s analyze that last part shall we?
So far, there have been 5 Season 4 episodes (over two years). Time-wise, they add up to 48 minutes and 48 seconds. That’s including his theme music, his credit title cards, and the “Check out my other videos” card at the end. I imagine removing those would only shave off a few seconds.
The opening introduces our villains. Alright that’s fair. We meet IG’s new neighbor Goro, who isn’t seen after the first 15 minutes. The box of 7-Up games is set up like a plot point, only to end up being a sight gag. The robot invasion, which would be the final act of a real movie, is taken care of within the first 30 minutes. The plot whiplashes into the whole “chosen one” thing after that. A brand new villain is introduced 46 minutes into the movie, with no resolution about the other villains. Characters are introduced out of nowhere, given zero development outside of their single dimension. The hero is an unlikable buffoon and a complete Mary Sue.

The point is, Chris shouldn’t act like he’s this great filmmaker when he’s less credible than The Asylum. He can claim he went to film school all he wants, but the facts say otherwise (how Ashland University doesn’t have a film & broadcasting major, the Dark Chapters).

I get the feeling this video was just another bandwagon jump.
Wait, I just realized. He didn’t actually review this movie! All he did was rant about the technical problems he had, and dedicated like four seconds to the story. Don’t call it a review then!

Monday, August 13, 2012

A Sticky Video on Adhesive Toys

*comes out of bomb shelter* Looks safe, seems all the ugliness has come to pass. *sighs* This has been a draining few days, but at least it’s over.

Looks like Bores already has a new video up. Like he promised in the last update, it’s an I Rate the 80’s. Heh, remember last year how he would release a new one of these at least once a month? Now, this is his first one in seven months. Someone needs to get their priorities sorted.

This video is on Colorforms, yet another toy. Continuing his pattern of toys and food.
You know, it’s fairly obvious Bores based this series on VH1’s I Love the 80’s. Hell, it’s in the show’s title itself. While that series did cover toys and food, it covered a myriad of subjects as well. Movies, music, TV shows, sporting events, fashion trends, world events, political events, advancements in technology, and so much more. While Bores did talk about a commercial campaign last time, it was one that predominantly took place in the 90’s, so I’m not really counting it.
The tagline on his site says he’s going to cover “everything” from the 80’s, he’d better pick up the pace then.

So, what are Colorforms? They’re a long-running (1951) adhesive vinyl toy shaped in various ways, mostly popular franchise characters. You get a board that you stick them to and have them  act out stuff. That’s about it. Onto the video then.

Wow, he titled it “documentary”… again. You can use that word all you want Bores, that doesn’t change how ill-informed this series truly is.

0:05 - 0:50: The video starts with a brief introduction as he wonders where they came from. He follows up with “stock footage” from the 50’s, which is obviously modern stock footage with a filter over it. The sepia-tone makes it look waaaay older than the 50’s.

We cut to Bores in a wig, playing Harry Kislevitz (oy gevalt!) as he explains the “history”. What about Patricia Kislevitz? Aren’t you going to mention her, or did you not want to crossdress to portray her?
Also, where did Bores get this story about Harry’s pencil pouch? I’m looking up the official Colorforms website and it doesn’t mention that. Instead, it mentions how a friend in art school gave them a roll of paper-thin vinyl and they noticed it stuck to the semi-gloss paint in their bathroom. Bores, if you’re trying to tell the history in a documentary format, you can’t take liberties! This isn’t a Disney movie.

After that, we get a quick montage of Bores sticking Colorforms to various surfaces, ending on a toilet. He realizes what he did and proceeds to smell and lick the colorform, gagging after he does it. I find it funny how his fans (and his mom) claim he doesn’t resort to toilet humor. This is really blatant toilet humor!

0:51 - 1:12: IG brings up that the very first Colorforms were in simple shapes, then moves ahead six years when they released Colorforms based on Popeye. Or as he pronounces it “Pupeye”. Okay, there’s no excuse for that one, nobody pronounces it like that!
“Although they were crude in design” They were released in 1957 Chris, there was no quality standard back then. Just like the Odyssey, you never put yourself in the right timeframe!
He then puts together the Popeye Colorform (using photoshop as he obviously doesn’t have them) and makes it laugh. Errrgh.

1:12 - 1:47: “Now we enter into the 1980’s” I’m just going to completely skip over the 60’s and 70’s because I don’t feel like making this video longer than four minutes.
He lists off a few 80’s related Colorforms sets, and brings up a 3D ThunderCats one. We see him wearing 3D glasses, comments on it being “so real”, then he touches it and somehow brings Snarf to life. IG just swats him away. I’m looking for the funny but I don’t see it.
I’m really getting the feeling that Bores is the only internet critic that doesn’t think 3D is bullshit.

We cut to, oh great another Mini-Bores in a toy aisle scene. Complete with Bores being almost as tall as the shelf. Either Bores has no clue how perspective works, or he truly was that freakishly tall as a child. You make the call!
We see him get excited over various Colorforms, and he didn’t even bother to alter his voice. At least in previous videos, he changed the pitch. Here, he didn’t even care, all he did was make his voice slightly high pitched, sounding more like an adolescent hitting puberty.
“Welcome Back, Kotter? What the hell is this *bleep*?” Little kid cursing, that’s classy. Why did he even bleep it? Is he trying family-friendly again? Also, Welcome Back, Kotter is a sitcom that ran for 4 seasons (1975-79) on ABC. It’s about a teacher returning to his high school alma mater to teach a group of delinquent students considered “unteachable”. Being in the same position himself in high school, he believes he can reach out to them easily. This show helped jump-start the career of John Travolta, who was promoted to “Special Guest Star” in the final season after hitting it big in Saturday Night Fever and Grease. … Or was that supposed to be a joke?

1:48 - 2:40: IG brings up that as a kid, he had the Pac-Man Colorforms. If this his attempt to convince us he’s a gamer again, he’s going to have to try better. Everyone played Pac-Man back then. My Dad played Pac-Man back then, and he can’t even figure out Wii Sports!
Oh… it’s because he was a fan of the cartoon. Alright then.
He demonstrates how the backboard works, by placing Pac-Man, Ms. Pac-Man and Baby Pac (it’s actually Pac-Baby but whatever) on it. Then he has the car run over Pac-Baby. Why do you hate babies so much? Throwing the baby Kinnikuman figure into the disposal, running over Pac-Baby with a car. I don’t like babies either but I don’t want to hurt them! If this is your attempt at comedy, it’s not funny, it’s cruel!

He then places the ghosts onto it, and Pac-Man to scare them. This prompts the ghosts to somehow turn blue (effects) and scream “P-p-p-pac Power!” So lame.
Oh it’s not over. Mezmaron from the cartoon appears and says it’s “so hard to find good help these days” Jeez, I had to look up who that was. I’ve never seen the Pac-Man cartoon because it looks horrid, and seeing that character only instills the idea that it’s beyond awful. Just like these jokes.
He mentions that he had hours of fun playing with these guys, then complains that Clyde is yellow instead of orange. “Seriously a yellow ghost?!” Boy, I’d hate to see him play Pac-Man Arrangement with Kinky (thanks to Justin De Lucia for pointing this out)

“What the fu-” *cuts to a technical difficulties card with bleeps* So, cursing is allowed on the regular IG show because there’s still plenty of that. But for this 80’s show, you don’t want to curse. … What exactly do you want? Who are you targeting? If you want this 80’s show to be for kids, make a separate channel to keep them away from the naughty language of your main show. Though, you wouldn’t get money from that other channel, and you’re not high enough on the YouTube partner hierarchy for instant partnership on a new channel. Like iJustine or Shane Dawson. Either way, your target audience is all over the place.

EDIT: Pohger has informed me that it is now much easier to become a YouTube Partner. You can just create an account, upload a video, enable advertising on it, and you can be considered for partnership. Interesting.

2:40 - 2:59: He once again brings up that Colorforms had a ton of licensed versions, listing off a few more including a Michael Jackson one.
“Why are there so many little boys in this set?” Ugggh, that joke stopped being funny years ago. Though, Black Dynamite did pull it off, and that’s only after revealing Michael Jackson was part of an alien species called “Mama-se Mama-sa Mama-ku-sa” and he was still a child. Go watch Black Dynamite, it’s so much better than this.
IG then remarks that after the 80’s ended, so did their popularity. No… they’re still pretty popular. They still release new ones to this day. Spongebob Squarepants, Dora the Explorer, Green Lantern, My Little Pony Friendship is Magic, and so many others.

We arrive to his rating. He remarks that for every good Colorform set, there were strange ones. What’s wrong with CHIPs? What’s wrong with Colorforms based on TV shows?
Oh and he gives it a Nostalgic Overload. Of course…
“Who knows if these things will ever become popular again in the future” Do your fucking research!
“Until they do, I’ll just be playing with the Irate Gamer Colorform” WHAT? NO!
Oh good lord this is stupid! He places Colorforms of Irate Gamer, Ronnie, Tony, Wilson, and the lead HAL-bot onto his set. The lead HAL-Bot referencing Star Trek with “Resistance is Futile”. Ow, ow ow ow. Did he seriously just waste hours crafting custom Colorforms just for this joke? On his own show? How egotistical can you get?!

This video was outright stupid! Research failure in the history part, horrid jokes all over the place, and that ending bit was so god damn dumb that it hurt. I guess after the boring Bud Bowl video, we needed an 80’s episode that was topped to the brim with frothy stupidity.

Here’s something interesting StevenTheAnimeNerd noticed in the comments. Bores has expressed interest in doing an episode on the G1 Transformers, but says it would be too expensive. So, you have no qualms with spending thousands and thousands of dollars on old gaming consoles and games that you do not care for at all. But for a bunch of action figures that you seem to have some interest in you can’t do it because it’s out of your price range. I will never understand your logic.

It’s anyone guess on when the next video will be out. That’s all for now.

EDIT: Wow, I missed a lot in this video.
I didn't point out how the only Colorforms set he actually had was the Pac-Man one. That one in the beginning? Those were ones he made himself, and he just printed a picture of the original cover and taped it onto a box. Thanks to The Necro Critic for pointing this out.
The 3D box he was looking at didn't have a lid, it was just the box of his custom Colorforms. Thanks to Linkara for pointing this out.
In the Michael Jackson scene, he's holding the yellow ghost he was complaining about before. I missed this one as I was focused on the fact he made a dated "MJ is a pedo" joke. Thanks to Guru Larry and Shmuk Lidooha for pointing this out.
IG seemed to indicate that the Pac-Man set was based on the cartoon, when it's actually based on the Japanese Pac-Man designs. In Japan, Pac-Man (or Puck Man) had a long nose and pizza-shaped eyes. His western design gave him a smaller nose. On the Hanna-Barbara cartoon, he has a hat, a small nose, and white eyes with black pupils. The way he went on about the cartoon, he seems to think the cartoon inspired the video game, and not the other way around. This would lend further weight to my "Captain N/TV Shows" theory. Thanks again to Guru Larry for pointing this out.
As for those Irate Gamer Colorforms, paper cutouts with tape on the back. Thanks again to The Necro Critic for pointing this out.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Bores is a Piece of Shit Hypocrite.

You know, I thought Bores couldn’t possibly sink any lower than he is now. The man has no respect from anyone in the gaming community, he’s seen as a complete joke. He’s incredibly lazy, sometimes resorting to stealing footage from other people.

But this? This is outright despicable.

For those not in the know, a few days ago, the AVGN YouTube channel posted a goofy Cheetahmen II video that related to a Kickstarter about the game. The Kickstarter itself is about funding a complete, less buggy version of the game for release. Personally, I thought it was a dumb idea, essentially polishing a turd. But beyond that, I didn’t care.


The backlash was immense, people cried out “sell-out”, “scammer” and blah blah blah. I didn’t give my piece before because I was neutral to this, and being neutral isn’t good enough, you have to outright HATE or else you’re called a dick-sucking white knight fanboy. *sighs* I have nothing against people neutral to Chris Bores, hell it’s better if they’ve never heard of him.

Despite saying that James and Cinemassacre get none the money, the backlash only got worse. Mike, tired of all the lies being thrown around, came out and said that James only did this video as a favor because he’s a nice guy. Similar to how he does appearances for TGWTG and ScrewAttack. In fact, they’re in talks with the people behind the Kickstarter to take the video down.
By the way, Pat the NES Punk was in the video too. Where’s the hate for him? Where’s his backlash?

I know Kickstarter is popular to hate right now, because most of the time you don’t know you’ll get what you donated money for. There are a lot of crooked ones out there too. But what people tend to forget is that it’s optional, nobody is pointing a gun to your head and saying you have to donate it. Personally, I don’t care for it. If people want to do Kickstarter or IndieGoGo, more power to them. Kind of makes me wonder what the Kickstarter haters think of PBS and how they operate on donation drives and outside funding.
Besides, if you’re really weary about something, donate like $5 dollars. A small amount that you’re not going to miss if it ends up being a scam.
Also, Kickstarter is not e-begging. Because it offers rewards depending on the donation amount. E-begging gives nothing back to the donators, and only benefits the recipient.

You’re probably wondering what this is leading to. Bores posted a video titled “Ebegging: The Spoof”. I’ll give you three guesses to what it’s about, and the first two don’t count.

The video opens with Bores saying that everyone else is “ebegging” so he’ll do it to. So you’ll steal money and offer nothing in return? Just like how you steal footage without giving credit?

“I own every game in existence” No you don’t! Oh wait, was that supposed to be a joke? Ugh, I can see what type of video were in for.
“I got income from many sources every month” YouTube and Blip. That’s two sources, and you barely get Blip money since you rarely post videos there. Hell, you barely get YouTube money since you rarely post videos there as well.
“Me and my friends need more money” You don’t have any friends.

He says he needs money for a private jumbo jet to E3, and a special effects department that rivals Lucasarts. That’s a video game developer you dumb fuck! Did you mean Lucasfilm? Even so, the correct George Lucas company would have been Industrial Light & Magic. Also, the fact he even brought up special effects continues to show that is all he cares about in his videos.
Then he follows that with “possibly in a couple years there will be ick-significant” changes to his show. Didn’t you just say that you’d get special effects that would rival George Lucas? That’s not insignificant at all. Even this “not to be taken seriously spoof” has the same problems as your other videos

“Specially if you’re one of those no-life haters that takes a microscope to the show” Hi Chris, thanks for the plug! Also, I don’t need a microscope to find the problems in your show. Just knowledge of basic video editing and video gaming in general. Heh, Chris trying to take a stab at me, that’s so cute.
“Sure you’ll say it sucks, but now you’ll say it sucks IN STYLE” Nope. I’ll just point out how the effects mask your shitty acting and writing. Actually, that’s what I do now so… nothing would change.

He brings up that he would save up with his monthly checks but why bother when he could just e-beg. *sighs* I’m going to bring up another stupid point people made towards James, and that was all the people that don’t realize how expensive movies really are. All these people were like “why doesn’t James just save up with all his money sources”. Movies are a costly investment, that’s why producers exist. Some multi-million dollar movies require multiple producers. Hell, even a smaller movie can cost a good seven digits. It isn’t just actors, directors and writers that get paid, there’s countless crew members, camera men, lighting, makeup, sound technicians, so much more.
If you’re filming in a real place, you need to pay a permit. Or you could build a set, that costs money too. You need to feed everybody, so there’s catering. Sometimes you have to stay on the set for days at a time so living arrangements are a must. Basically, filmmaking is a lot more expensive than people think. That $220 million that went into The Avengers didn’t just go to the effects and actors.
Besides, if James only made his movie for like $10,000 dollars, it would be like Birdemic. A movie so incompetent it uses Particle Illusion explosions. The very same ones Chris used for years. Hmmmm.
Sorry, got off tangent there.

He then says he’d need $20,000 but because he lives in make-believe land he really needs $250 million dollars. To be fair, this spoof could work in the hands of someone else. Someone that’s actually subtle and isn’t purposely attacking a certain person. If anything, this video shows Bores has all the subtly of a chainsaw-wielding samurai bear with a Mohawk.

After say he wants millions, his phone rings. When he answers it, you can clearly see it’s off. You don’t see or hear who’s on the other side, but it sounds like a loan shark/mob boss who’s demanding money, and Bores says something about robbing a bank. I think there’s a joke here but I can’t seem to find it.

Oh God, he pulls the “country is in a recession” card. Have you considered that people don’t donate massive numbers? Most of the time they donate a small amount? And what people do with their money is their choice. I don’t think the anti-Kickstarter groups get that. It’s their choice to give it to the Red Cross, or to someone on the internet they like. At least they aren’t giving it animal killing organizations like PETA, that would be dumb.

He then goes into the reward incentives. Donating $100 gets you nothing. Ah, see that’s the very definition of e-begging, asking for something and giving nothing in return. That’s not what… never mind I’ve already said enough on that.
$1000 gets you a flask of his spit. Again, better people can do this.
$100,000 gets you a random trinket he tried to sell on eBay for more because it’s associated with his name. Say Chris, how’s your DVD and merch sales going? I’m sure they’re flying off the shelf, I mean, that’s why you’re constantly giving them away. It’s not like nobody is buying them because you have very few actual fans, and most them are little kids that have to ask mommy and daddy if they can have it. That would be silly.
$1 million gets you one of his bowel movements that we’ll love because we know his shit doesn’t stink. You know, even though he’s being sarcastic here, his egotistical behavior before shows that he probably does think his shit doesn’t stink. Yeah, hard to take that as a joke when it’s based in reality you hypocrite.

He ends the video saying … oh for fuck‘s sake. “If you don’t donate, I’ll have cartoon cheetahs I MEAN pixel demons jump out of the TV and beat your ass” and he gives a stupid duck face. Oh, real subtle. Real fucking subtle you dirt bag. You shouldn’t talk, your contests are exactly like Kickstarter. You ask for subscribers, you give them stuff in return. Only unlike Kickstarter, you only give them to a select number of people. People your mommy chooses, because those are the “loyal fans” that deserve crap like posters and douchey necklaces. And when non-subscribers try to enter, you get angry at them, saying “ONLY SUBSCRIBERS CAN ENTER”. Fuck. You.

That was… disgusting. Deplorable. Vile. So much for “I haven’t watched him in two years” huh Chris? You are the last person to call out someone for doing Kickstarter. It’s so obvious what this video is doing too. James was hit hard for promoting that Cheetahmen thing, so here’s Bores swooping in and saying “I think Kickstarters are stupid, subscribe to me instead!”

Here’s the funny part though. In the last 30 days, JamesNintendoNerd has only had subscriber gains. Today (August 11th 2012), Bores has lost at least 58 subscribers. That sounds like complete backfire to me.

By the way Chris, if you try another contest after this, it will show exactly what kind of a scumbag person you are.

EDIT: KUKEDUDE has pointed out that Bores has updated the video description.
*UPDATE* - Due to a few people not liking this video, I am seeking permission to take this video down from someone that doesn't exist, even though I can easily remove this video from my channel anytime I like. In the meantime I will be closing comments, closing voting, and leaving the ad's where they are so I can still continue to make even more money off you even though I will keep telling you I'm against this video

I'm sorry, are you calling out James and Mike for disabling comments and ratings? Something you do ALL THE DAMN TIME?! No! You don't get to do that! How are you capable of making your hypocrisy worse and worse?
Greg Pabich is a real person. They have to ask him to take down the video because they put it up for him.
Also, they've disabled ads on that video. I've checked with Adblock off.

I find it funny that at one point, Chris told his fans to support DatBoiDrew, who himself was holding a Kickstarter. So, it's okay for your artist to do it? Oh wait, if he's still your artist. A while ago, he removed links to his site, and took down the Up Up Ubi review he made.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

I am Lego Vengeance, I am the Lego Night! I ... Talk About This Boring Lego Game Review!

Ugh, it’s been so long since his last video that I’m kind of out of practice. *breathes* You’re a liar, you fail at research, you’re not a gamer, you cheat too much, and you’re unoriginal. There we go.

But yeah, it’s been a while since he uploaded anything of merit. The last video was posted July 18th. I don’t think he gets how this “getting paid by YouTube” thing works.

As you probably can tell, it’s a Neo video. Lego Batman 2: DC Super Heroes. Also known as the best Superman game ever made (no joke). And only a month and a half after it came out.

Normally, Bores posts the previous Neo video to YouTube when the new one goes up on GotGame. Considering what’s in the Sonic Generations review, that’s probably not going to happen. Instead, he announces the winners of his last contest. Say, did he ever announce the winners of that PS3 chicken game? I don’t think he did.

I love how he has to edit the video because he couldn’t remember the site’s name. Seriously, there’s a poorly-hidden jump-cut there.
As well as showing the winners. Congratulations, enjoy your douchey jewelry. Be careful your necks don’t turn green.
He also announces that he plans to give away … an HD Capture Card. WHAT?! How the hell did you get that? God damn it! He also keeps referring to “they”, like “they’re giving it away on this channel”. Who’s they?! What the hell is an Aluminum Falcon?!
Also, it’s pronounced “CAP-ture” not “Kep-ture”. I don’t think that’s an accent thing either.
“So that will be really awesome for you… you guys” Most of your fans are little kids that are likely too dumb to figure out how it works, resorting to a video camera in the end.

He also says the next video is an I Rate the 80’s. Remember when everyone thought that was going to be his main show now, but after that he hasn’t made any episodes since January? Good times.

Anyway, *turns on snark signal* to the video.

0:06 - 0:13: The video opens with IG announcing the game and OH GOD THE DISC! Don’t hold it like that, you’re going to ruin it! Why couldn’t you just show the box? Unless GotGame didn’t send him the box. Still, use a picture or something. Don’t hold a game disc like that! Jeez.

0:14 - 1:04: “If you enjoyed the first Lego Batman, then you’re going to love this” Going to need some Bat-Booze.
“Warner Bros. went above and beyond…” Traveller’s Tales. WB just published it.

He brings up that he prefers DC over Marvel, and was “a-static” over the fact you play as other DC characters besides Batman. He lists a few of them and how they’re all playable. I love how he’s so lazy that he has to reuse his E3 footage instead of making his own. Kind of tells me he didn’t get too far.
“Makes me wonder why they didn’t call this Justice League Lego” Because the first Lego Batman already existed, and it’s easier to advertise to people that… never mind it’s impossible to explain to you.

1:05 - 1:53: “A huge open universe” Universe, really? Hey guys, Just Cause 2 isn’t on the island of Panau, it’s an entire universe! I know he follows with “situated in Gotham” but that just sounded wrong.

He explains how you can run, drive or fly around. Saying you can continue the story or run off to parts unknown. Then adds some text saying “Now Entering: Parts Unknown”. Wasn’t funny, but it wasn’t painfully over the top or in my face so… D minus?

He brings up that the Co-Op is well done, explaining how each character has their abilities that need to be used to solve puzzles. That’d be nice if you clearly weren’t just playing by yourself. The second characters clearly says “Press Start”.

He moves onto the story, saying it’s really well done. Are you going to mention how this is the first Lego game to have voice acting? Considering you put Lego Star Wars, Indiana Jones and Batman on your Top 5 DS games, this wasn’t your first Lego game. You should know that the games never had voice acting outside of grunts. Not going to mention that?

1:54 - 2:49: IG then moves onto the “flawls”, and yeah he says that way again.
He didn’t like how you could only control Batman, Robin and Superman in the main story mode, and the other characters were relegated to side quests. He demonstrates this with the actual Lego figurines. … Did you seriously go out of your way to buy all of these just for this review? That’s just dumb. You’re not reviewing the toys, you’re reviewing the game.
He then brings up how Superman’s flying gave him “vertigo” and he fakes vomiting. You should probably see a doctor for that, because that’s your problem, not the game. I didn’t have that problem flying around.

2:50 - 3:07: He brings up how we see DC characters in Lego form, listing off a couple. Then demands that Lego make more of them. Why do you care? You don’t collect or build Lego sets, you just bought this figures to display in your review and say “Look what I got gamers! Oooooh!”

And now, the final verdict. He liked it, and Lego fans will like it. Laziest final verdict ever!
He does his send-off, but then a Lego Batman figurine appears to say “Game On” instead. Fuck you. Enough with ending Batman videos with damn figurines saying stuff. Like “Happy Thanksgiving” in the Arkham City video. Uggggh.

This video was… eh. He didn’t really say too many stupid or wrong things, and the only painful joke was saved for the very end. Still, it seemed unnecessary to buy the Lego DC Superhero sets just to show off. Overall, not the worst.

So… yeah. We’ll see how long it takes for his next I Badly Explain the 80’s to come out.