Sunday, September 8, 2013

Diving Into Hell to Face Diablo III

Seems I was wrong about Swap Force being the next review, and yet I was right about a Diablo III review happening at some point.

One can argue that the console version of Diablo III is better than the PC version, simply for having conveniences that in this day & age are almost considered luxuries. No online connection required? Check. Local multiplayer? Check (PC version has no LAN). No broken auction house? Check. An offline mode is a pretty big deal considering the online DRM caused major shitstorms when the PC version was released last year.

So now to see Bores attempt to review it. Will it show effort like the Disney Infinity review? Well, it’s not an action figure game, and the video is only two and a half minutes long… this is probably going to blow.

What’s interesting is that he calls it a “Multiplayer review”. Does Bores actually go online? I’m aware Diablo III Console has local multiplayer, but we know Bores has no friends to play with so online is his only option really.

Intro

0:05 - 0:12: IG says he’s going to check out Diablo III on PS3. Is it me, or is the game still in the plastic? There’s a reflection off it that tells me he didn’t unwrap it. Did he actually play it?

0:12 - 0:30: He mentions that this was released on the PC “months before” (try one year and four months) and that he feels he doesn’t need to explain the story or worlds because “it’s all been said and done”. No Chris, this is the first time you’ve talked about Diablo III, it’s your job to elaborate on important details like that. Don’t cop out and give lazy excuses.

0:31 - 0:54: He notes one main difference is how you “arm your equipment” and he read online that people found it confusing, but he felt right at home. *looks at equipping* That looks pretty counter-intuitive, wouldn’t it be easier to have something like Deus Ex: HR or Resident Evil 4? Where you can pause and see everything in your inventory instead of switching things around? “I still don’t see how you can make this easier” Like I said…

He also mentions that the “buttons are easy to figure out” and that was also a common complaint he heard online. He believes these people are “too used to the PC version”. Where are you reading these complaints by the way? You say you “read them online” but you don’t cite your sources.

0:55 - 1:22:  It then cuts to IG telling us that he remembers playing the first Diablo on the PlayStation 1, and then calls it a piece of shit. So your first experience with Diablo is a notoriously terrible port? Then why are you a fan of the series? You haven’t said anything about playing Diablo or Diablo II on PC, and you said at E3 that you purposely avoided Diablo III because you “knew” the console version was coming. What if there was no console version? You avoid PC gaming but somehow you’re a fan of Diablo. What are you going on about?

He says the controls are better here. Going to mention how they changed them from constantly clicking to more like an action game a/la God of War? Or how they added the ability to dodge attacks?
He then says the controls failed on him when he got “gang banged by a horde of zombies”. It shows him dying, then cuts to him giving a stupid face and face palming. Is that meant to be frustration? It looks more like you’re taking a huge dump. I’m sorry, I don’t like resorting to toilet humor but he’s not making it easy. He really does look like he’s constantly taking a dump when trying to be angry or frustrated.

1:22 - 1:57: IG begins talking about the multiplayer. He says that since the original TMNT arcade game, he’s a big fan of four player co-op. Then he mentions that one amazing feature is that players can join in at any time. You don’t play online much do you? That’s a pretty common thing now.
He then brings up how friends could betray you can take all your loot. Wait, did the console version re-add player killing? Because I’m reading that PvP is only allowed if both parties agree to it.
Then… *sighs* Out of nowhere the Evil Gamer appears and starts insulting IG, who does… nothing. Why? Why was this needed? Isn’t Evil Gamer meant to be somewhere else? Why are you playing with him? Is this in continuity with your stupid storyline? Are you ever going to address the Order Up review? Why aren’t you playing with your other characters? Why am I even asking all this? Your sketches are fucking stupid!

Onto his rating. What happened to final verdict?
He said it’s a good game, and if you’ve played the PC version, then only check it out for multiplayer since “that’s the only new thing”. Wrong. You can play offline (a big improvement over the PC version), and there’s no broken auction house. You should do some damn research since you claim to be such a fan. Hell, I’ve never played Diablo, and I did research.

Review was lame, as per usual.
Very little was actually explained about the game, and I really do question if he’s a fan of the series or not. I imagine the laziness comes from the fact the review came out three days after the game did, and we know how well those go.

I have no idea what will happen next.

17 comments:

  1. Sigh. This was pathetic, as someone who played Diablo 2 back in the day. Tal Rasha would be disapointed in you, Bores...

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    1. I'm surprised he didn't say it reminded him of Castlevania Portrait of Ruin. Or Cool Spot (Third Rate Gamer joke).

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    2. This is as disappointing as the druid from lords of destruction. I find him absolutely underwhelming especially as a summoner build.

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    3. I was always more of a paladin guy, myself.

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  2. Replies
    1. How shocking, the blog dedicated to rants about the Irate Gamer posted a rant about the Irate Gamer.

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    2. The name of the blog is 'Irate Gamer Sucks.' Get a clue, fuckwit.

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  3. Speaking of Diablo III, I recieved a message from Blizzard stating that I'm trying to sell my Diablo III account.
    Problem is, I don't play Diablo III!

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    Replies
    1. Just another phishing scam. They send to as many people as possible hoping to fool someone who could have been playing at the time to enter their Battle NET credentials. I received the same thing about World of Warcraft despite never trying it at the time.

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    2. I've gotten emails saying someone has tried logging into my account or changing the password. I don't have an account either.

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  4. Does anyone know someone named ShadowDehHedgie? He's just as bad as Gligar13vids. He worshipped Gligar13vids and MysteriousMan. Like Gligar13vids, he bashed games and using insane and idiotic reasons for it.
    Also, he's a typical anti-brony.

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  5. Typical stuff for when Bores covers a modern game that's not Skylanders and its ilk. Now that we have a new entry in his storyline, I can say his "movie" is on par with cinematic travesties such as Manos: The Hands of Fate, The Beast of Yucca Flats, and Invasion of the Neptune Men. I am personally not expecting him to cover Grand Theft Auto V, because I doubt he could follow the story and play it more than a couple hours before he starts making the review. Also, I'm trying to get the money for the Grand Theft Auto V PS3 bundle, as the release date has been changed AGAIN, from the 27th of this month to the 17th.

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    1. C'mon now, now you're insulting Manos, Beast, and Neptune Men. At least the people behind those movies were trying! Bores, on the other hand, doesn't give any of the craps.

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    2. You're right. I get the feeling those people would be offended, and the Manos guy filmed his movie out of pocket as a fertilizer salesman. Bores has access to modern production equipment and some sort of budget at his disposal, yet he still puts out stuff like this.

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  6. Considering the footage for it it really seems like he barely made it to the ruins of the Cathedral. For those that don't know essentially he never even made it to the first boss.

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  7. Considering your negative attitude towards the new Tomb Raider game, BatDanNight, what do you think of Gail Simone writing the new Tomb Raider comics?

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  8. You know, Why was Evil Gamer here? I mean, aside from being random? Was he promoting his storyline that steps away from for months at a time? Especially when he is supposed to be the Shadow Overlords second in command. I mean, when Mechakara got demoted to lackey, he was still pretty intimidating. I was actually happy to see him plotting with Lord Vyce (who was friggin awesome. Seriously, DC could take pointers. Darkseid looks ridiculous nowadays). EG, however, is now just a simpering lapdog. Hell, now it seems like all he does is follows the Overlord/Poor excuse for Lord Vyce's orders. Although I don't know since EG gets no screen time anymore. Sigh, Bores really needs to streamline his cast. It's getting to be ridiculously big, Like Bleach...

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