Monday, October 28, 2013

IG Game Update: Commander Reskin

I would like to give special thanks to Eric Neuman for bringing this to my attention. You're the man!

Seems there's something more to the Irate Gamer iOS game than meets the eye. Yes, we know it's crap, it barely works, it looks like garbage, it doesn't work on all iOS platforms, etc. We can now add "unoriginal" to that list.
That is the official website for the iOS game "Commander Cool". Does it look familiar?
Here's a video comparison: (Commander Cool) (IG Game)

Yeah, it's nothing more than a reskin. IG's hang glider? It was a parachute. The blood effects? Part of the original game too. You can even see that Commander Cool only has two directional buttons, compared to IG Game's confusing D-Pad that can't even go up or down.  This is really shameless.

However, it is not plagiarism.
For $130 dollars, you can buy a "2D Platformer Starter Kit" that gives you all the assets and tools from Commander Cool, making it a commercial-source game. Here's the thing though, you're only meant to use it as a starting point, and you build off of it. Games like Counterstrike and Defense of the Ancients use Half-Life and Warcraft III as templates, but do something original with it. What Mad Media Labs did was take the exact same game, slap IG's face on it, added some comic book cutscenes, and called it a day.
What really gets me, is that Commander Cool isn't that original itself. It clearly takes art assets from Metal Slug and Mario, only adding even further layers of unoriginality.

So, here's my question. Where did the time go? This started development three years ago, but all we got was concept art. Was there ever a game to begin with? Did Mad Media Labs just sit on IG's checks until 2013 when Chris contacted them and asked "Where the hell is the game?" and realizing they haven't done anything, they bought the Commander Cool assets, and slapped it together in a weekend?
Not only that, but they made the game worse. Commander Cool can work on older iOS platforms, where the IG Game can't.
My guess? AVGN Adventures hype was high, and someone didn't want to be further ignored. Funny how Chris doesn't talk about the iOS game at all. He never even announced that it came out.

Look, taking existing assets and applying them to a new game is nothing new. Games have always been doing that. I can't even count how many games used the Unreal Engine this generation. But you need to try, you need to show some effort in what you're making. Otherwise, you have a soulless cash-in. Like Arkham Origins (TOPICAL!)

No matter how you slice, this is unbelievable. The entire game is a mess, and I can't see how anyone could defend it. Maybe Chris made the smart choice not to address its existence.

UPDATE: I stand corrected. After two months, Bores has finally made a video advertising the game.
In it, he admits that there's multiple bugs and that they're "still being worked out". It's been two months, surely it shouldn't take that long to fix a pre-existing game with a new paint job. How badly did they screw it up?
He once again compares it to Angry Birds. I am now convinced Bores has never played, or even seen, Angry Birds. The two are nothing alike.
He mentions that one of the best features is that you "hear his voice". Egotistical much? That would have been a big deal 20 years ago, but having voice on an iOS device is not a big deal. Especially when we have YouTube apps.
He brings up the possibility of DLC, and the ability to play as Ronnie, but only if the game is successful. That's not going to happen Chris. The game originally cost $4 dollars, but now it's only one. People in the comments are pointing out that it looks like shit (when they're not bringing up AVGN or dumb enough to think it looks good... or Chris posing as his mommy).

Bugs can't be the reason it took this long to address the game's existence. What's the truth?

Saturday, October 26, 2013

No Post This Week

As you might have guessed from this evening post, there's no Attempts the News this week.
It was just... more boring crap. Plus, I've been dealing with some things.

No videos either. He did upload his Diablo III review to YouTube... last week. It has a lot of dislikes, probably because it was a half-assed review.

Now if you'll excuse me, back to Pokemon.

Friday, October 18, 2013

Endless Skylanders and Empty Theaters

Before I begin, I would like to report that I am, once again, skipping Attempts the News. Everything this week has just been dull, and looking at what I've written so far, half of it is just complaining how boring the stories are. I figured nobody would like to read that, so I'm skipping this week.

To make up for it, I'll discuss the two things Bores has been doing. Skylanders, and the Pursuit of the Paranormal premiere.

On October 13th, Skylanders Swap Force came out in North America (the 16th in Australia and today in Europe). Bores celebrated by making FIVE VIDEOS (so far)  where he shows off many of the figures. He claims he got them from Activision, but I doubt they would be that generous (it's Activisoin).
The videos are, like the news articles, boring. It's just Bores droning on and on about the figures. Unboxing them and releasing "buyer's guides" that don't judge a character on how they play, but whether or not Bores thinks they're "cool". It's a waste of time, video, and camera battery.
And surprisingly, we're not the only ones that hate this. All the videos are filled with comments saying they're tired of Skylanders, with many of them saying they've unsubbed and want "the Irate Gamer back". Some are calling him a sell-out too.
You see this Chris, or rather "Linda"? This is why you're losing fans! Not because of my blog, but you've completely lost focus and would rather endlessly talk about a franchise engineered to drain parent's wallets. This is the year that's giving us the rest of the Eighth Generation, the year that gave us Grand Theft Auto V, The Last of Us, Pokemon X & Y, Bioshock Infinite, and gems like The Wonderful 101. But you refuse to talk about any of this. PlayStation 4? I don't care, it's not Skylanders!
It's been over a month since you've done a proper review (Rayman Legends), and that wasn't even well done, you half-assed it by only playing like an hour.
Also, according SocialBlade, people are unsubscribing in droves. They really don't like the Skylanders videos.

Why don't you make a separate Skylanders channel? That way, the people who subscribed for the Irate Gamer, only get the Irate Gamer. They don't have to watch all these vlogs where you fumble around with plastic action figures for 6 minutes! Other channels talk about Skylanders, but they don't do it to the extent you do! That's why Skylanders exclusive channels exist, follow their example!

But what of Pursuit of the Paranormal?
On the evening of October 12th, Chris premiered the film at an old theater in Toledo, Ohio, after spending thousands trying to get it on TV (even being told by SyFy that nobody watches ghost hunting shows anymore). How did it go?
Thankfully, I managed to get a testimonial thanks to Uatu (the brave man that played through the Irate Gamer Game and took pictures for us all). He managed to contact one of the vendors there, the owner of "Mama Tracy Inc.". I looked them up, and they do psychic readings. I see bullshit attracts bullshit, good to know.

According to her, the movie had some "awesome orbs and apparitions" (yeah sure), but only 20-30 people actually showed up. My guess is that the number leans towards 20. For comparison, I attended a midnight opening of Pokemon X & Y, and there had to be least 60 people that showed (and that's a minimum). She stated that she couldn't attend the ghost hunt though. Meaning that there were people that only showed up for the movie.
It sounds like Pursuit of the Paranormal's premiere was a bust. Only a handful of people actually showed up. Bores hasn't said a word about the premiere doing well (if it did, he would make a video boasting about it), the only thing we have is Linda's claim it did well, but we know she's really Bores, and the praise was clearly hollow denial.
I'm pretty sure Bores is really upset about this. If you watch the Skylanders videos, he has really sad eyes, sometimes looking like he just spent time crying before turning on the camera. I'd feel bad, but the only one at fault is him. After all these years, he doesn't seem to get what his fans want, and why he's "popular". People want reviews of certain games, he doesn't give them. People want Call of Duty or Minecraft, and he completely ignores them, instead talking about Skylanders some more.

Will the premiere bust and loads of angry comments on his Skylanders videos finally change him? Will he see what he's doing wrong and try to change it? Probably not, he's really damn stubborn.

You may also noticed that it's been two months and he still hasn't brought up the Irate Gamer Game. Why is that? Does he know that it's a total piece of shit and would be completely embarrassed if he mentioned it? Does he know that he's not going to get money out of this? Either way, nobody is buying it. As of today (October 18th), the full game now costs a dollar. Compared to when it came out, when it was $4. Yeah, there's not going to be a sequel. Mad Media Labs wasted 3 years on this piece of shit, and they're going to get nothing. You should have scrapped the project, instead of rushing it out to beat AVGN Adventures.

I actually don't know what the future holds. Is he ever going to finish his story line? Will we ever see another IG Short, which he claimed to have a ton of ideas for but only made two? Is History of Video Games dead? Is it nothing but Skylanders from here on out? Is GotGame ever going to fire him?
Well, whatever happens, I'll be here. Calling out all the lies.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

IG Attempts the News: Can't Title, Pokemon

Last week on “Indecisive as hell”
Don’t look at me, I’m just a simple blog writer! I don’t pretend to be my mom and attack anyone that’s the least bit negative to me!

What will this week bring?

Stories from October 5th 2013

“Garbage Pail Kids Cards Figures Return as Minikins”

People still care about Garbage Pail Kids?

“Well Topps was nice enough to send over a care package” If this is true, why would they do this? Because of that positive video you made three fucking years ago? Yeah, it’s been that long.
“I’ll be doing a video on them next week” This video came out on October 9th, and it’s a boring eight minute vlog about the toys. I have noticed Bores is making longer videos now, has he discovered that YouTube stopped tracking views and started tracking duration watched? Oh and it’s a contest, the comments are flooded with “Pick Me”. But knowing Bores, he’ll only pick the most loyal fan boys.
“but for now, heres a picture to wet your appetite!” *looks* This is meant to get fans excited? Wow that’s lame.

Stories from October 6th 2013

What’s this? Bores posted a story on a Sunday? Wow, it must really important if he posts it on his “day off”?

“Pokemon – Eevee Evolution Frozen Cocktails”

… Never mind, it’s just pointless.

“Not sure how any of these would even taste” Okay, you need to stop this. You need to stop including in almost every article “I’m not sure how blah blah blah blah”, it’s a terrible thing for a writer to do.

Stories from October 7th 2013

“Dragon Ball Z – Life-Sized Papercraft Goku Statue”

First actual story of the week, and it’s more fan art. *sighs*

“Created by this crazy blogger” Why is he crazy? Because he has a bunch of action figures and manga on his shelf? Because he made this? Why won’t you give his name?
“is this inane awesome looking Goku Statue” It’s both inane and awesome? That’s a bit of a contradiction.

“Word has it that it took so much free time to build, it boggled my mind on just how many days you had to call off work in order to finish this bad boy. (assuming the creator actually has a job. I am beginning to wonder with all those paper craft items behind the Goku…)” My God, you’re an asshole. First of all, what word? Who’s saying all this stuff? Second, those aren’t paper craft figures behind him, those are actual action figures and statues! I recognize a number of them too. Ryu from Street Fighter, Milla Maxwell from Tales of Xillia, Groudon and Blissey from Pokemon, Belle and the Beast from Beauty and the Beast, Snow White (Disney), Death from Darksiders II, Krillin, etc.

“Great job” So you insult him, then you praise him. Whatever…

“DC Injustice – Finished with DLC, Now releases Ultimate Edition Nov 29”

Technically, that’s wrong. While the complete edition does come out November 29th in Europe and other territories, it’s coming out November 12th in North America. Considering this a site a operated by someone living in the United States, I would think he’d be more accurate with that.

“I guess i should’ve just waited till Warner Brothers was done releasing DLC to pick up this title” Have you paid attention to this generation at all? Successful games with lots of DLC would eventually get a “complete edition” that includes everything.

“To add more salt to the wound they are offering it for the same price you purchased the non-complete version of the game just months ago.” It’s a better deal, you’re getting all the DLC for what is essentially free. This is nothing new.

“Dang it. Expect Arkham Origins to go the same route in April 2014 or so.” Seriously, how deep is the hole you were hiding in? And how big was the rock covering it? You can’t be this ignorant.

“Disney’s Infinity – Jack Skellington Now at Gamestop”

“Not sure if anyone has been still playing Disney’s Infinity” Kwing is. You know, that guy who also does videos on GotGame but is far more informed and way nicer than you are?
“Just another hopefully dream I wish Infinity could do.” Is it me, or is the lack of proofreading getting even worse?

“Creepy – Sealife Sea Sponges Looking like Mahna Mahna Muppets”

“Well the Huffington Post has come out and said that this is a picture of Sea Sponges that resembles Cookie Monster.” I can see it. It’s blue, has big eyes, and a big mouth made for eating COOKIES (om nom nom nom).
“After gazing at it for a few hour, rotating, cropping, and examining the photo negative, I’m still at a a loss for how this even remotely resembles cookie monster.” … It’s blue. Get some fucking glasses.
“If anything it looks like the Mahna Mahna Muppets from yesteryear.” They were in the 2011 Muppet movie, I don’t see how they can be considered “old”.
“Some Huffingtons will never learn.” Hey moron, the Huffington Post is named after one person, Arianna Huffington. The contributors aren’t “Huffingtons”. I’m pretty sure the person that wrote the article isn’t a Huffington. *reads through* No name listed, but it does direct to an MSN article where they got the news. My point is, don’t be stupid Chris.

“South Park Teaching Us How Minecraft is viewed”

You mean played right? You don’t view Minecraft, you play it. Unless you’re one of the millions that subscribe to Minecraft YouTube channels. I don’t even get how you can watch that, it’s so boring!

“If you are an oldschool gamer and caught last weeks Southpark, then you probably laughed your ass off.” Oldschool? In what dimension is Minecraft considered oldschool?
“I get a lot of comments for me to play minecraft or do videos on minecraft” Wait, so he does notice those? Okay, then how about the Call of Duty comments? Or the comments from fans that are sick of all the Skylanders videos?
“and this episode pretty much sums up why I haven’t. Call me old school but I can’t get into the game.” Apparently, it’s really difficult to get into what’s essentially a giant Lego sandbox. This isn’t a matter of being “oldschool”, it’s a matter of “you’re too stupid to figure it out”.

My head hurts and it’s only Monday.

Stories from October 8th 2013

“Angry Birds – Now Goes Tropic Cola Soft Drinks?”

Another day, another drink. I could use a drink myself…

“Angry birds is back with more crazy merchandise now outshining the once Star Wars Merchandise giant Star Wars in taking up every offer they can scoop up.” I… I can’t even begin. The repetition, the poor comparison, the whole “Angry Birds are back” statement even though they never left. If this is his idea of a joke, it’s not funny.
“Originally sold and marketed in Finland and Europe” We can now add geography to the list of things Chris fails at. Finland is a part of Europe, so by saying “Finland and Europe”, you’re being redundant.

“Disney Infinity – Here is your Series 2, Coming at you Soon!”

“I haven’t been really persuaded to pick this game up after reviewing it but I know there are still a lot of fans of this game out there” Contradicting what you said yesterday when you said “does anyone even play this?”
Bores would make a wonderful anchor for CNN or FOX News. No impartial views at all.

“Happy Halloween – Want to Date a Ghost? There’s a Site for That!”

“Only thing you have to be a ghost to date a ghost. Okay, so how the hell is the ghost supposed to use the keyboard? Boy this was well thought out.” Don’t kid yourself, you’d love to use this site if it means meeting “real” ghosts. Honestly, this is a lot like those vampire dating sites, it’s not beyond the realm of possibility that there’s a ghost dating site.
“Whats next? Zombie Dating Sites? Date a Zombie, fulfill your fantasy of getting your head ripped off!” Clearly you’ve never heard of necrophilia.

“Meat Artist Back, This time with Pokemon Meowth, Bulbasaur, Pikachu"

God, this is such a waste of good food. Especially when beef prices are going way up.
If I may digress a bit, but why is it when people do Pokemon art projects, it’s always the first 151? What’s wrong with the other generations?

“Pursuit of the Paranormal – Setting up for the Premiere”
By the time this post goes up, it will be the day of the premiere. I still have a hard time believing he sold a lot of tickets. I just get the feeling he’s going to walk out and see a mostly empty theater. I say “mostly” because he’s bringing friends and family.

“Very excited to finally show this to the fans!!” I imagine any ghost hunting fans you have don’t live in Ohio, and likely couldn’t make it.

Other stories:
“Mario Bros Music Video Questions Why Mario Has To Rescue Princess Peach”
“Street Fighter in Samurai Jack Style Art”

Stories from October 9th 2013

“Super Mario Bros Perler Beads gone Crazy on Canvas”

“I think a lot of use have made sprites out of Perler beads at one time or another" A lot of “use”? How do you even make a typo like that? Even the iPhone’s auto-correct wouldn’t do that.
So is Bores admitting those sprites are really Perler art and not “wood” like he once claimed? I don’t know…

“Star Trek: TNG Giant Captain Picard Pixelated Quilt – Make it So”
“Yeowza!” Fake excitement!
“Who needs a cup of Earl Grey to wake you up when you have this thing staring back at you in the morning!” This is scary? I don’t see how looking at that can wake you up. You’d get up, see the giant Picard quilt, and then look at your life and realize you wasted money on it. Wait, I did that wrong.
Really, that seemed like a lame attempt at a Star Trek reference. “Picard drinks Earl Gray tea you guys! It’s a Star Trek reference! I’m nerdy you guys!”

“Batman Arkham City – Nightwing Full Scale Light Up Prop Weapons”

“Although for the $1000.00 price point, they should’ve laced these things with real electricity!” Welcome to the world of collectables! They’re far more expensive than they need to be!
“Take that mr. neighbor! I’ll teach you to keep your damn barking dog in at night!” Oh hey, haven’t seen Psycho Chris in a while. Good to know he still likes talking about violently hurting people over petty things. Batman would be so disappointed.

“Skylanders Giants Frito Lay Sidekicks finally Here”

I’d say “only a few more days until Swap Force”, but this relates to last year’s game. *sighs*

“Well son of a gun, I don’t wander into the junk food aisles anymore” Bullcrap! You’re constantly talking about junk food, and you have junk food in a lot of videos. Quit trying to excuse why you don’t hear certain bits of news.

“Adventure Time’s Custom LEGO BMO as Functional Linux Computer”

Is the reason he keeps talking about BMO is because it’s a video game console and he’s trying to still keep up this image that he’s a gamer? *shrugs*

“Having a Linux computer as the operating system, this guy can play video, video games, web surf, and more!” Wow! Just like… every other fucking operating system out there.

“Superman vs Batman – Larry David as Mister Mxyzptlk Rumor”

Nothing really wrong with the article content, but the picture… For some reason, Bores took an image of Larry David in a purple suit (probably from an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm) then poorly drew a bowler hat on top of him. Oh and it has a watermark. Did you really have to go to this much effort to report a RUMOR? Just post a picture of Larry David, it’s not that hard.

Other stories:
“Thor Dark World LEGO Poster promotes Marvel Super Heroes Asgard DLC”

Stories from October 10th 2013

“Angry Birds Cartoons – Season 1, Volume 1 DVD, Blu-ray announced”

You know, the past 24 hours had announcements like “Final Fantasy VI remake for iOS, and it uses the same awful graphics as FFV iOS” and “Grand Theft Auto V coming to PC”. But he opens with god damn Angry Birds.

“Dear Lord, Angry Birds has now bombarded the home movies market.” Actually, this is a cartoon on TV. In its native homeland of Finland, it airs on MTV3 (unrelated to our MTV), while here in the US it airs on Nicktoons (in Canada it’s on Teletoon).
“And yes there are bonus features” Reading through them, they’re better than yours!
“Excuse me now while I go wash my car off from Angry Birds droppings” Pointless random humor? … Yeah, pointless random humor.

“Star Wars Jawa Sandcrawler Soap”

… Soap. You’re writing up articles about soap. Are you serious?
I don’t care that it’s Star Wars soap, it’s still soap! You use it to clean yourself, why would you talk about this? Who the fuck would even buy this? Why would you think people would care about hearing this? Oh god, I think my mind is having a breakdown.

*goes for a long walk* That’s better. Surely the next article can’t be worse.

“Doctor Who – PREVIEWS Exclusive K-9 Plush, Woof!”

Damn it…

Wait, a PREVIEWS exclusive plush? Is he talking about that catalog that previews upcoming comic books? Is that still even being made? When did they start selling things?

“The dang things also talks! Wonder what he’ll say besides woof?” Hey dumbass, K-9 was an actual talking robot dog. He never said “woof”. Also, K-9 showed up in the modern series so you have no excuse to act this ignorant. Oh wait, you’re Chris Bores, you’re a moron no matter what.

Other stories:
“Pokemon Pokeball Engagement Ring”

Stories from October 11th 2013

“‘Breaking Bad’ Creators Offered $75M to Produce 3 More Episodes”

It’s over people! Let it go! It had an ending that tied everything up!

“I think 3 more episodes could be squeezed out for sure. After all, there are these things called hospitals that can revive cast members who have supposedly thought dead” Don’t insult the show’s ending like that. I know how it ends and I feel doing that would be just as insulting as creating a Scarface video game where Tony Montana survived the end of the movie and managed to recover at a hospital. … Fucking hell.

Bores also put an emoticon at the end to further insult our intelligence. Urgh.

“Pokemon Fans really digging new Anime Red And Blue Cartoon Series”

Wow! You are late, so very late, with this news. The special aired on October 2nd, the news about it is at least a month old.

“So there is a new Pokemon show out there” It’s not a new show, it was just a special. Though I’d really like it to be a show considering how awful the on-going anime is now.
“Might want to make me play pokemon yellow again.” Hahaha, that’s funny, claiming you’ve actually played a Pokemon game. We know you didn’t give a shit about Pokemon until you learned just how popular it is.

Oh, and Yellow? Why not that new game? You know, the one that’s coming out tomorrow, the same day you’re holding your little ghost hunting premiere? Oh yeah, X & Y! Pokemon fan my ass…

“Skylanders Swap Force – Wave 1 Checklist Buyers Guide”

Oh dear lord…

The article itself is just a checklist of the new figures and games with prices, not too offensive. No, the offensive part is the picture he included at the top. It’s a picture of him crouching behind his table which is covered in 8 new Skylanders figures still in the packaging. Looking at the figures in the picture, and the prices he included, he spent about *calculates* $104 dollars, and that’s not including tax! My God!

I’m sorry, but didn’t Chris say that he spent thousands on his ghost movie? I would think the smart move would be NOT spending over a $100 dollars on toys! And that’s probably not even all of them, he probably has the Lightcore and Series 2/3 figures. The former being $13 a piece, and the latter $10. Plus, he’s probably going to get the Starter Set for both PS3 and 3DS, each one costing $75 dollars. This is too much! You’re far too irresponsible with your money! You don’t get enough views to warrant crazy purchases like this!
Once the ghost movie bombs, Bores is going to be a lot of financial trouble. He may have to change his policy on crowd funding and look like an even bigger hypocrite.

Other stories:
“Lord of the Rings – EPIC 150,000-Piece LEGO Battle Of Helm’s Deep Build”

That’s all for this week.
There was a video posted, an interview with a local FOX affiliate in Toledo about Pursuit of the Paranormal. Just a lot of ghost hunting bullshit. What’s interesting is that Bores seems more interested in this stuff than he ever has talking about video games. Now we see where his true interest lies. Just give up the gaming thing.

But now, Pokemon X and Y.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

IG Attempts the News: Attention Defi- Ooh 80's!

Last week on “I’m spending so much of GotGame’s money and I don’t care”
No, stop, come back, I have video game news! See, look I’m talking about South Park The Stick of Truth! Now that I have your attention, NOSTALGIA! Wait, where are you going?

What will this week bring?

Stories from September 30th 2013

“Pokemon – Real Life Photoshopped Versions”

We start the week off with- wait. Haven’t I seen these before? *searches around* No wait, those were different “Real Life Pokemon” pictures. Man, how many times are people going to do the same thing?

I guess I won’t call ultra-old news… this time.
Still, Bores talking about Pokemon is so weird. Just like when he talks about GTA V.

“Game Boy Handheld Hard-Shell Carry On Luggage”

Okay no, that suitcase is just stupid. I mean really.

“Want to travel in style?” A very strange definition of “style”.

Oh, this suitcase is from ThinkGeek. Does that mean this post is a paid advertisement, or just more random garbage to fill space?

“Chuck Norris vs Super Mario Bros. Video Game”

… What year is it? Why are we still making Chuck Norris jokes? I mean really?

It’s another “cool video” post, but here’s a couple things about it. First of all, the video was posted LAST YEAR! This is old. Second, this is a video by Dane Boe (the guy behind The Annoying Orange), except he didn’t post Dane’s version, but a mirror of it that someone else uploaded. You could at least try to find the original!
Also, Dane Boe isn’t off the hook for making a Chuck Norris joke in 2012, he still deserves derision. That and creating The Annoying Orange. Bleh.

Stories from October 1st 2013

“Wii U Huge Freakin 700MB Update! Play Wii Titles on Gamepad Now”

Oh hey, actual video game news that’s current. Sounds like someone’s learning.

He brings up the new ability to display Wii games on the Game Pad, but the inability to actually play them on the Game Pad, and he says…
I looked up who Nell Carter is, and she was a singer/actress that was best known for a sitcom she did in the 80’s called “Gimme a Break“. Why this reference? Even by “nostalgia” standards this is pointless. Do you really think your 12 year old fans would get that? How is it you can’t report simple news without sounding like a Seth McFarlane reject?

Other stories:
“Wonder Woman – New Impressive Fan Made Trailer”
“Video Game Character Facebook Profiles”

Stories from October 2nd 2013

“Breaking Bad – Walter White Appears in Animal Crossing?”

“Not sure how Walter got into this game,” Because somebody made a Walter White Mii and started a new game with him? It’s not that hard to figure out.
“but there he is, complete with Meth lab and bunny partner… bunny partner? Wait a minute, something doesn’t seem right here….” All the other citizens in the game are animals, you couldn’t exactly get a human partner.

You know, this is the only time he’s ever talked about Animal Crossing, and it’s related to Breaking Bad. Maybe if you actually played the game you wouldn’t look and sound like a compete dumbass?

“World of Warcraft Legendary Pictures Movie Hits Theaters 2015”

God damn, 2015 is crowded.

“Well it looks like Video Game movies might finally be reigning supreme finally after years of not being taken seriously.” Not even close. Considering Paul W.S. Anderson’s Resident Evil movies are still being made, video game adaptations have a LONG way to go before being taken seriously.
“With Assassins Creed and more coming to the big screen” More? Like what? *looks up list* Yeah… I doubt any of these will be good. Just because Fassbender is attached to Assassin’s Creed doesn’t mean it will be good *cough*Prometheus*cough*.
“Here’s hoping for a Diablo movie soon after!” Let’s not go that direction.

“NASA Creates First Cloud Map of Exoplanet, Kepler-7b”

Who the hell cares? Do you really think your fans reading this want to hear about far off planets we’ll never reach in our lifetime? No.

He notes that the planet is bigger than Jupiter and says… this.
“I don’t know about you but I have the strangest feeling to go out to the driving range and hit a bucket of golf balls right about now” … That’s just you. Weirdo.

“Super Mario 3D World – Offering a Smorgasboard of New Power-Ups”

Bores went a different direction for this article, writing a line or two after a picture instead of one big paragraph.

“and it is power packed with new power ups!” Is he being repetitive to try and be “cute”? Or is he really that dumb?

“and a Mario duplicator item?! Whoa! Now you can play as 3 Mario’s at once?! Taking a page from Calvin and Hobbes!” Really? Calvin & Hobbes is the first thing your mind goes to when you think clones? Man, you need a wider reference pool.

“Guess we’ll be seeing her in Mario Kart WiiU.” He’s referring to the new damsel in distress for 3D World. Don’t get your hopes up. Also, it’s called “Mario Kart 8”, but you don’t give a fuck so why bother explaining.

Stories from October 3rd 2013

“Street Fighter Vs. Plants vs. Zombies Video Game Mashup”

Oh yay, another video he found.

“What do you get when you combine Street Fighter with Plants vs Zombies? Yeah I don’t know either. I just woke up.” Get it? Because he’s… tired I think. These jokes are so lame.

“Simpsons producers to kill off main character this season”

“Well looks like another character will be getting the heave ho.” You say that when they plan to kick off a character, not kill them off. Insensitive much?
“Is this another ratings grab? A cry for attention?” Yes. I don’t think you realize how irrelevant the Simpsons are these days. Hence why they do shit like the “Homer Shake” or episodes that parody “The Social Network” and “Homeland” (the former being two years late). Hell, the whole “Ned and Edna” pairing got a Facebook campaign. They’re that desperate for ratings.

“I’ve watched off an on over the years that I just found out that Fat Tony was killed off a few seasons ago.” But then it was reversed with the mother of all ass-pulls. Fat Tony had an identical cousin named Fit Tony who decides to take over the Springfield Mafia, but the stress of it causes him to eat constantly turning him into the new Fat Tony. It’s near the top of my “Worst Simpsons Episodes Ever”.

“Hmm who could it be? Jasper? Hans Moleman? Homers brother Herb?” No, Moleman dying is a running gag, and absolutely not. Especially not Herb as he had a cameo recently that revealed he’s poor again. He wasn’t even on screen, it was literally phoned in.

Then a random picture of monkeys fighting from The Simpsons. Whatever…

“Adventure Time – Impressive Homemade BMO Beemo Teapot”

No! No! You stay away from Adventure Time! It’s bad enough you talk about Doctor Who, I don’t need you bringing up this show!

“I watch adventure time randomly with the kids” You mean your girlfriend’s kids? Quit acting like they’re “yours” unless you’re actually the father. At least he claims not to be a fan… yet.

“Don’t ask me how you even begin to make these things because I have no clue.” Why do people do anything? Probably boredom, probably flashes of creativity, yet all initiative. Which you seem to lack considering you barely make videos now.
“I’m just a blog poster for cryin out loud.” I thought you were a film maker? Or was it a ghost hunter? Gamer? You don’t know what you are, do you?

“Legend of Zelda – Impressive Realism Link Painting”

“Pop Culture is definitely reflected in the art these days.” It’s like Bores is discovering fan art for the first time. Seriously, how big was that rock?

“I can’t even begin to know which fairy this is since they’ve probably changed her name a dozen times over the years” … There were three, and they were all different. Navi in Ocarina of Time, Tatl in Majora’s Mask, and Ciela in Phantom Hourglass. Every other game post-Ocarina had someone different. The King of Red Lions, Ezlo, Midna, Fi, and whoever will be the companion in the Wii U game. A Link Between Worlds seems to have a fairy, but we don’t know all the details so… we’ll see.

“another fantastic picture of a rodent destroying the city!” Are you sure this is Zelda related? I mean, it’s the same artist but the logo in the corner says “Legend of the Cryptids”. *looks up dA page* The title is “Groundhog Day”, so I don’t know where you got the idea that this is Zelda related. Are you pointing to the bridge?

There’s also a third picture of some fish looking humanoid using camouflage. Looking up his page, it’s also unrelated to Zelda. So, you found a cool picture of Link, then looked through this guy’s page to find other stuff but couldn’t find anything Zelda related so you picked two pictures at random. And now we know why videos never come out.

Stories from October 4th 2013

“Simpsons TreeHouse of Horror – Guillermo del Toro-y Opening”

By that title, Bores seems to think it’s a couch gag done in the style of Guillermo del Toro. Had he done his research, or even bothered to look at the title of the video, he would know that del Toro himself actually directed it. But research is haaaaard!

“Probably the best thing to come out of the Simpsons in the last couple of year.” Wow, your concept of time is just degrading more and more.

“Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds – Gets Further away from Original”

*reads through* Oh… this is pain.

“I got some hands on time with this title at E3” Take a shot.
“Link to the Past is my all-time favorite Zelda Game.” Sure it is, and your ass can talk to spirits and demons. Whatever you say.
“This was supposed to be an update to that game” No it wasn’t! It’s a sequel set in the same world! This isn’t like Ocarina of Time 3D or Wind Waker HD, it’s a completely new game. They even said that it’s not the same Link from A Link to the Past.
“but I felt all the changes might make this not for the better.” Like what exactly? I don’t know, he doesn’t say what bothers him. He just leaves a video and expects us to take his word for it.

Personally, I like that they’re doing something different. I like the idea that all items are available from the start and you get them by buying them, and you can rent them for a few limited uses. I like that the dungeons are in a non-linear progression, just like the very first game. There are people that complain “Zelda has been the same game since Ocarina of Time”, that’s a very uninformed opinion said by morons (like Egoraptor), but the fact is, they’re trying something different. Chris’ idea of change isn’t “new ideas or gameplay”, it’s “BLOOD AND BOOBIES HUR HUR”. Urgh.

“Megaman (Mighty No. 9) Title biggest Kickstarter Video Game in History”

*headdesk headdesk headdesk* Chris you moron! Mighty No. 9 is not a Mega Man game! It’s a brand new IP that is similar, and headed by Keiji Inafune, but it is NOT Mega Man. That is not Rock, that is Beck, and Capcom has absolutely nothing to do with this game. Capcom owns Mega Man, and others are only allowed to use it with their permission. Mighty No. 9 is a brand new, unrelated character that Inafune and his company can do anything they want with it.

“The recent Mega Man Kickstarter campaign called Mighty No. 9 recently closed and clocked in so much money that somebody at Capcom is sure to get fired.” Why would someone at Capcom get fired? I don’t think they care, especially since they stopped making Mega Man games.
Also, too soon Chris! Capcom Europe just had to lay off 50% of their employees! Not that you would know or care since you obviously don’t read video game news until it’s too late, or people post it on your Facebook.

“My jury is still out on what I think of Kickstarter” Pretty sure your stupid parody said it all… at least until you start your own after your ghost movie flops because you poured your ENTIRE BANK ACCOUNT into it!
“I can’t remember how many Megaman games Capcom has scrapped over the years” So you’re aware that Capcom is screwing over Mega Man, maybe you should put two and two together and realize that Capcom has zero involvement in this and it’s NOT MEGA MAN?!
“but this has gotta be shocking to everyone over there trying to push all this Lost Planet stuff on us.” Really? Of all the bullshit Capcom tries to pull, you point to Lost Planet? They’ve done far worse in the past few years! On-disc DLC, Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3 only a few months after the vanilla version, Street Fighter x Tekken being broken, the Devil May Cry reboot, Resident Evil 6 being a massive piece of shit, Ace Attorney 5 being digital only, Breath of Fire 6 being a terrible iOS MMO, Deep Down being F2P. Capcom has way more sins than fucking Lost Planet!

By the way, Mighty No. 9 is not the biggest video game Kickstarter in history. That would be Ouya… and we all know how that turned out.

“TRON – Own a Street Legal Light Cycle for $55,000”

… Why?

“They don’t offer them anymore, but I’m sure you could pick one up on craigslist if you beg profusely!” So are you for or against begging? Make up your mind!

Other stories:
“Simpsons: Tapped Out App – Halloween Update Today”
“McDonaldland – Creepy Halloween Custom Figures”

That’s all for this week.
I swear, Bores really needs to learn how to pay attention.

No videos this week again, no surprise there.
Next Saturday is the premiere of “Pursuit of the Paranormal” in Ohio. I can’t imagine that too many people would show up. Especially since Pokemon X/Y comes out the same day. Nice planning Bores.