Sunday, November 17, 2013

IG Game Update: It's Gone!

In a (not-so) surprising turn of events, the Irate Gamer Game has completely disappeared from the iOS store. Searching "TIGG" or "Irate Gamer" gives you different results, and none of them are the game.
Last week, the Lite (free) version disappeared from the store, and now the Full (paid) version is gone too. Why is this?
I'd like to thank Eric Neuman for bringing this up.

Possibilities for the game's removal:

1. Quality.
Despite the iOS store heavily invoking Sturgeon's law, Apple does remove poor quality apps. It's very likely that they removed the game for being crap.
2. Copyright infringement
It was a reskin of Commander Cool, and I did not see the company behind the engine/assets credited for it. It would be like using the Unreal engine and not crediting Epic for it.
3. Chris wanted it gone
Despite being proud of the game (so he claims), Chris saw that the game really was terrible. So he told the folks at Mad Media Labs to take it down.
4. Mad Media Labs wanted it gone
Realizing that this basically kisses their careers goodbye, Mad Media took the game down.
5. No money coming in.
Keep in mind, the game launched at $3.99, and kept going lower and lower until it was only 99 cents (the lowest you can go on the iOS Store without being free). Even with all the comments on IG's video saying they were going to get it, it probably wasn't enough.

Well, whatever the reason, I think we can all agree this was a silly little chapter of the Irate Gamer's existence. Three years of "development", only three months on the iOS store. Every player involved lost in some way.
"Just like Angry Birds" Whatever you say Chris, whatever you say.

Friday, November 15, 2013

Sonic Sez Go See a Doctor If Playing My Game Makes You Sick

Holy crap, a new review! After two months of Skylanders and ghosts, he finally put out a new review. I needed material after I realized his blog is the same shit again and again and again, and he almost never talks about video games.

The PS4 came out today, has Bores managed to be timely and release a video on that? Nope! It’s about Sonic Lost World, oh this is going to suck.

Sonic Lost World is… divisive. Personally I feel it’s not as good as Colors or Generations, and the fact that I need to hold down a button to run instead of having it done automatically feels counter-intuitive  But I still enjoyed what I played of it, and suggest that you get it at a discount.

Going through the video, it’s clear he did not script this. So I’m going to avoid using timestamps as he just rambles on and on.

“Hey gamers, I want to talk about Sonic The Lost World in this Irate Gamer Neo episode” It’s just Sonic Lost World, there’s no “the” in the title.
“I first saw this game at the E3 event…” Take a shot.

He mentioned that he liked it at E3, but now that he’s played it at home he doesn’t like it. Hoo boy, this is going to be interesting.
His first issue is that the game is “really hard on the eyes” and he can’t play for more than 5-10 minutes at a time without getting dizzy. Well, that’s your own problem Chris. Don’t blame the game for something that’s clearly wrong with you. Go see a doctor, get your head checked out. You keep going on about how games make you dizzy or sick, and that’s all on you, you should probably do something about it.

He mentions that the “other people watching him play” got nauseous as well. You mean the girlfriend’s kids? Just say it.
He keeps going on about this problem, and then notes that if you don’t get dizzy  then you’ll be fine. Here’s the thing Chris, considering how often games make you dizzy or sick, you shouldn’t be fucking playing them! Why did you even choose this career path? Oh right, James Rolfe made it popular and you’re a leech. Seriously though, consider that maybe playing video games isn’t healthy for you and that you should find something else to do. I’m just saying.

He brings up that it’s Wii U exclusive, and wonders if that’s the case because “PlayStation and Xbox didn’t like the concept” No you fucktard! Pay attention to gaming news for once in your life! Nintendo and Sega struck a three game deal, that’s why Sonic Lost World is exclusive to Nintendo platforms! See, this is why you need to script this shit, so you can double check your facts, and not come across like a fucking moron!

“To all the people at Sega, I know you watch my videos from time to time” Bullshit! Okay, maybe some employees that work the phones or the marketing department have seen his videos, but I seriously doubt anyone from Sonic Team or anyone actually involved in development has seen his crappy crappy reviews.

He continues whining about the levels “twisting and turning” and then tells Sega that they should just “reboot Sonic 2, 3 & Knuckles levels because that’s what the fans really want”. Oh fuck off! You got that with Sonic Generations (which you didn’t play because you stole the footage for that review), let Sega and Sonic Team do something original. Quit living in the past! The same can be said to many Sonic fanboys out there.

Wow… that was crap.
Why even call it a review? He just whined about the fact the game made him dizzy. He didn’t even bring up the gameplay, the story, the sound, the controls, just a problem that only effects him and a few others. Hell, this review gave me more of a headache than Sonic Lost World ever did.

In fact, I have my doubts he actually played the game.

I made the reckless mistake of looking in the comments, and amongst the Bob spam I managed to find a comment calling something out.

Looking at the video, the box did have a gleam off it that implicated it was sealed. So, either he had a second copy of the game, he downloaded it digitally and just happened to have the retail version on him for some reason, or he’s talking out of his ass (as per usual).

That’s it for now. If you managed to pick up a PS4, enjoy it. If you liked Sonic Lost World, more power to you. Granted, that’s if you played Sonic Lost World (I’m hearing rumblings that the game sold really poorly). If you didn’t for real reasons like poor controls are the difficulty, then that’s fine too. If you get just as dizzy, seek medical help.

Think we’ll see the next retro review before the year’s out? *shrugs*

EDIT: I just remembered something!
Bores should have actually known about the Nintendo exclusivity deal, he brought up on his site before!
Look at that. How did Bores not remember the deal? The man seems to have major memory issues.

Friday, November 8, 2013

IG Tries Text Reviews, Surely This Can't Backfire!

*checks IG’s channel* Nothing. *checks GotGame* Nothing. *sighs* A whole lot of nothing.
*checks site* Wait what’s this? Reviews? As in, text reviews? Holy crap, Bores is actually doing something worthwhile with his site! Sure there’s still stupid posts about “cool looking fan art” and “Star Wars stuff”, but he’s actually doing text reviews! Though I’m pretty sure they aren’t the smartest thing to do financially considering his site probably only gets a 1/100th of the views he gets on his channel (which is already crazy low).

So, what does he review? High-profile titles like GTA V, Assassin’s Creed IV or Wind Waker HD? Ahahahahahahahahahaahahahaaha no. He looks at games very few people actually care about.

First review is “Pac-Man and the Ghostly Adventures”, a multi-plat game (he’s looking at the PS3 version) based on the new CGI cartoon. Looking up the cartoon, apparently Pac-MAN is voiced by a woman. So he’s meant to be a kid? That’s one reason to have a woman play a male character. Anyway, onto the review.

“Its review day here at” Review day. Fucking review day. Here’s the thing Chris, normal sites don’t have special days specifically for reviews, they do them when a game comes out. Just post them when you get them done, don’t procrastinate like you usually do.
“and Yes it’s the brand new Pac-Man game, based on a new cartoon on the Disney Channel” I’m going to stop you right there. Ghostly Adventures doesn’t air on Disney Channel, it airs on Disney XD. Yes, they are different things, just because Disney owns both doesn’t make it right. You don’t say that Agents of SHIELD airs on Disney Channel since Disney owns ABC.
“I first saw this new series promoted at the Pacman Anniversary party at E3 a few years back” Take a shot.

“So in this incarnation Pacman is in a 3D world performing all sorts of Pac stunts as chomping numerous badguys throughout any given level.” So it’s a lot like Pac-Man World 1 and 2. Surely you know about those games right? ……..
“This time around your given power ups to help you along the way.” Isn’t that what Power Pellets were? By the way, take a shot when he confuses “your” and “you’re”

“The first I found was an Icy Pac power up which helps you turn enemies to ice and freeze water fountains into ice to reach higher parts of the level. The second one was a chameleon Pac outfit which allows you to use your tongue as a weapon. Look out Mick Jagger!” Mick Jagger? What? That’s a bizarre comparison to make involving tongues. Wouldn’t Gene Simmons make more sense?
“This game doesn’t exactly redefine the wheel, but for kids who are into t  he cartoon, I’m sure that’s where the appeal for this title lies. If I had a lazy Sunday afternoon to blow a couple hours I would play this game.” Cause kids and parents are totally reading your site.

“I have got to hand it to Namco though, the controls and animations are solid. Although it is just weird hearing Pacman having a kids voice since I grew up on the cartoon in the 1980’s where Pacman had the older raspy. Ahh the good ol’ days…” The older raspy? You really couldn’t finish that sentence? Man, you’re lazy. And yes, we know you’re constantly pining for your youth, it’s rather annoying.

“So how do I rate this: Just like any 3d world platformer, it’s fun for a bit but doesn’t quite captivate. Most likely geared for kids who are into the Ratchet and Clank type games.” Ratchet & Clank? I don’t see it. If anything, this is more like Sonic Colors/Lost World, or some other generic platformer. But not Ratchet & Clank.

… Was that seriously the entire review? Wow, talk about lazy. He only mentions important features once, and I get the feeling he didn’t even beat the game. Jeez, what’s next?

Naruto Shippuden: Ultimate Ninja Storm 3 Full Burst. Wait what?! Naruto? When the hell has he ever cared for Naruto? I mean, he mentioned him once in a previous article when talking about the pre-order bonus costume for Goku in an upcoming DBZ game, but he has never shown any interest in the franchise. Did GotGame send him this? I bet this is going to hurt, and I don’t even like Naruto.

“We are continuing review day here at and now we have the new Naruto Game by Namco which is Based on the manga and anime franchise.” Ya don’t fucking say!
“I am about a year or so behind in the story line but it looks like this game covers the manga rather well.” Pfffft, yeah right. You? A Naruto fan? Come on! I’ll believe it when I see it, and I don’t mean these lies you’re constantly spewing on your site. By chance you are fan, here’s a tip, stop! The series has gone so far down that it’s beyond redemption.
“Even though I had to sit through a grueling 35 minutes for this game to update before playing, uggg.” Oh boo hoo! Newsflash Chris, modern games have long install times. Now I’m glad he didn’t play GTA V, he’d whine endlessly about the installation.

“When you start off the game, you start all the way at the beginning of the story. Saving the city from the Ninetails beast, and then playing as Naruto’s dad and facing off against the masked man who’s pretty much the guy behind everything in the current manga story.” A ha hahahaahahahahaha. I better hold my tongue before I turn this into a long rant about how Obito Uchiha is one of the worst fucking villains ever put on paper. Okay, so he knows about “Tobi” and that Minato is Naruto’s dad. Maybe he is a fan… bad things will happen if I learn he’s a fan of One Piece.

“After that sequence however the story jumps ahead to the 17th season of the anime show.  (yeah I had to look that up to make sure) I’m assuming the first parts of the story are in Ninja Storm 1 and 2, but if you are playing just this game you will get pretty lost.” I doubt it. Chances are the people that buy and play this are already Naruto fans and know exactly what’s happened.
“So anyhow, it then goes into Sasuke joining the bad guys and in recent Namco Manga video game style you must fight your way through the storyline.” Isn’t that before the timeskip? Also, Namco Manga video game style? Why do you keep bringing up the manga by the way, this is clearly based on the anime. Hell, it even says “Shippuden” in the title, something reserved only for the anime.
“These battles are pretty tough. Took me quite some time to get through the Masked man fight and yes I died a few times.” Pfffft, wow that’s… something. Did you play on Normal or whatever difficulty the default is?
“Fighting games aren’t really my forte.” I’ll give him credit that he blames himself and the not the game for once.

“In between all the battles however are the long RPG type story sequences to sit through. It is pretty nice if you don’t want to sit through hours and hours of anime tv to get caught up, but if your looking for pure action, you could get bored pretty quick.” Just because it’s a lot of text, doesn’t mean it’s like an RPG. Visual novels like Ace Attorney, or action games like Zelda have a lot of text like that. Also, anyone that expects nothing but pure action out of a Shonen series is a Neanderthal that can’t appreciate tension and buildup.

“So how do I rate this? Well I think this game would only appeal to Naruto fans and people who want to check out the world of Naruto, but this is not a good place to pick up the series since so much has happened when this game picks up. Other than that, controls are great so fans of the series, check it out!” You mean the Naruto game would only appeal to Naruto fans? What a surprise!

Ugh, another terrible review. One more to go.

Lost Planet 3? That exists?
Seriously, Capcom sent this game to die. Barely anyone knows about it. I’m surprised Bores even covered it. My guess? GotGame didn’t want to touch, so they sent it to him.

“Rounding out review day is Capcom’s latest offering: Lost Planet 3.” Wrong sir, wrong. See, this is why you need to be punctual with your reviews. At the time of this posting, Capcom’s latest game is Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies. Still waiting for that retail release Capcom. This is like when he reviewed Castlevania: Harmony of Despair and called it the “latest Castlevania” even though by then, Lords of Shadow had come out. Oh God, I just realized the Harmony of Despair is the last non-LoS Castlevania. What have you done Konami?!

“This is a title that was farmed out to Western developers and a lot of people have been saying that the changes in the franchise are too severe, but let’s check it out.” You sure you’re not talking about DmC? Seriously Capcom, enough with the outsourcing.

“So in this installment the E.D.N. has fallen to an ice and snow planet and while down there you will be fighting off hordes of Aliens. You are Jim Peyton, the graphics in this game are sometimes so realistic I have to remind myself I’m only watching a video game.” PFfffffffffffftt Hahahaa. You think this is realistic? Chris, you are way too easily impressed.

“Early missions have a lot of rescuing going on and fixing things around the base with your mech. Fun fun,But the story really is deep and engaging. When progressing through the game, you’ll be wandering through iced-over tunnels, huge underground pockets, and running through wreckage.” Boy, you sure are doing a good job describing this game. Such vivid locations and such an intriguing story that you’re only inferring exists. You should win a Pulitzer!

“The Akrid Aliens and are relentless making combat fast and aggressive. This makes shooting these bad boys a bit crazy at times. Something a FPS will be accustomed too. Mech combat was a bit clunky as they aren’t very agile and your locked in at a first-person viewpoint.” Blah blah the game is ha- wait FPS? Lost Planet 3 is a third-person shooter, it’s not first-person. First-person is when you’re looking their the character’s eyes, third-person is when you see your character on the screen. That’s what’s happening here!

“So what the verdict here? If your into Scifi FPS’s that take place out in the middle of nowhere, then this one is for you. The story is rich and the no expense was spared in the background scenery.” Again, it’s a TPS, not an FPS! God you’re stupid.

And that was Chris’ first attempt at text reviews. I’d say to stick with video, but those suck too so… quit this job and become a full time editor. Stay away from the camera.
Seriously, those reviews were so half-assed. Did he beat any of those games? And he made the articles look bigger by adding a ton of pictures to them, when in reality there was barely any text. Where's the passion he had when he reviewed his own DVD on Amazon? I am not going to let that one go.

EDIT: Seems I posted this too soon. He put up another review, for... are you kidding me? Beyblade Evolution for the 3DS. Who are you targeting?
*reads through* Played with his girlfriend's kids, generic descriptions, "true to life" inability to launch toy, horrid joke where he gets angry about not getting a toy (spoiled brat), fans/kids will like it. Fuck this shit.
Personally, the one thing I got from this is that he's a Naruto fan. I really really hope he's not a One Piece fan.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Pursuit of the Canned Applause and Other Things

It's been a couple weeks since I did Attempts the News, thanks to Bores posting the most boring articles! Only he finds this stuff interesting, and he keeps treating it like it's a real news site. It's a blog, a Tumblr, stuff that only your friends would care about. You're wasting GotGame's money, and they don't have a lot already!
Reader DavCube actually counted the number of video game related articles in October, and there were only 15. Five of them being Skylanders related. Why even call it "The Irate Gamer", just call it "Chris Bores' blog of stuff I found pwetty coo'"

But, maybe that will change this week. Maybe Bores will actually post some articles with substance. What's the first article this week?
*reads* ...... The meat artist again.

Once again, there will be no Attempts the News this week.

Instead, I'm going to talk about his latest video, a vlog about Pursuit of the Paranormal he posted a few days ago.
Specifically, it's about the October 12th premiere. I don't know why he took a few weeks to post a video about it, but I get the feeling he wanted to make a video about it without bursting into tears. I held off on this because I hoped there would be something else to write about, but these are the cards that Chris has dealt me.

Anyway, the video is straight up lying. The premiere was a "great turnout" and the ghost hunt was "sold out". Does he show proof of this? Nope!  The most we get is a single random person in the ghost hunt footage. When Chris is on stage talking about the "process", we never see the audience. At the end when there's applause, I've been told that it's a stock sound effect. How sad is that?
If the turnout was so great, where is everyone? Why are you the only person in the footage? Where's Alan Cicco? I get the feeling it really was only 20-30 people that showed up, just like the vendor said. I'm willing to trust that vendor more than I would trust Bores or his insane "mother", and she's a god damn psychic!

We know it was a bust, and Chris knows it was a bust. But will he admit it? Nope. He'll just continue doing what he's been doing for years, pure denial. Then continue to hide behind his mother mask and call people that criticize him "immature" and "Nazis". Classy isn't he?

EDIT: I forgot to mention (thanks to MacDragard for pointing this out), but he mentioned he wanted to set up a Pay-Per-View site for Pursuit of the Paranormal. Yeah, it's not enough he sells it on DVD, he also has to do PPV. He's really gunning to make some sort of profit, no matter what it takes. He should just post it for free on his YouTube channel, the ad revenue would help him. *turns on adblock*

Oh and he did another contest in the video, one to give away the Pursuit of the Paranormal DVD. Because nobody is going to fucking buy it! Unless it was to do a scathing review of it, and even then that's a stretch.
Seriously, how are the "Pick Me" contests perfectly acceptable, but Kickstarter is a tool of the devil?

Jeez, last actual review Bores did was Rayman Legends, and that was nearly two months ago. You're losing fans Chris if you don't put out actual content!
By the way, his video promoting the iOS game has way more dislikes than likes. Probably from people that looked at it and saw not a good game, but a shitty Newgrounds flash.

One last thing to note. A while ago I mentioned how Bores was promoting gambling sites on his blog. A source that wishes to remain anonymous informed me that Bores didn't do that of his own volition. He was paid to either write it, or paid to let someone else write it. It's linkbuilding, and it allows him to rank higher on Google searches. Not sure why he would need that, his site is the first thing that appears when you search "Irate Gamer". Unless he wants the searches for other things. Considering how random his blog can be.... hmmm.
Still, if he wanted to do something like that, why gambling? Like I said before, his audience is mostly younger kids, and telling them to gamble is horribly irresponsible. Then again, I also blame the parents of the kids for letting them watch IG, or PewDiePie (but that's an entirely different story).

EDIT: Some clarification. My anonymous source informed me that it doesn't help Chris' ranking on Google, rather it helps the gambling company that paid him. Say he posted the link to that site (I'll make up a site, or something) and the words "online poker". If one were to search "online poker", they would get VegasStakes as one of the first results.

*sighs* The lack of material is not fun.