Sunday, April 27, 2014

Too. Much. Skylanders!

Holy crap! Why even call yourself the "Irate Gamer"? Call yourself the "Skylander Gamer" or something because this obsession is going too far!
Chris recently attended a New York event that revealed the fourth Skylanders game, Trap Team. He then gave us coverage of it, 11 videos! 11! In one day! Think about his E3 coverage and how he only releases 1 or 2 per day, and they show less care and effort than these Skylanders videos. It goes to show where his real priorities lie.
The first was just a recording of a press conference, blah. The second was an interview. The rest were all individual videos showing off the new toys and characters. As you can probably guess, the videos are full of dislikes and angry comments. A few wondering what the point of "TheSkylanderC" was when he was just going to continue posting on the main channel. Chris may claim "YouTube is broken", but I know the real answer is "nobody was watching or subbing". And instead of trying harder to promote it, he just gave up in a week. God damn...

Unsurprisingly, this has lead to a massive subscriber exodus. According to Socialblade, 245 have unsubbed today (so far, as of this posting), and 182 unsubbed yesterday. A good number of comments are "I'm done, unsubscribed" or "Why the hell am I still subscribed?"
Of course, there's the defense force crying that he can do what he wants. I think the 3 or 4 people doing that are nothing compared to the hundreds of fans he's losing over this. Chris doesn't care, he refuses to take his fans best interests into heart. It's all about him, and no one else.

An informant that watched the videos even compared him to Chris-chan, citing the "Chopper" video. He mentioned wanting to bring his own Skylanders, but didn't in case they thought he stole them. I am just... wow.
If I may digress a bit, these new Skylanders have really unoriginal names. Chopper, Funny Bone, Food Fight, Wildfire. I know it's a kids game but try to show some effort people.

This might be the true beginning of the end. Chris becomes so ingrained with these stupid fucking toys that it ends up alienating everyone but a handful of people. No more Irate Gamer, no more modern game reviews, no more anything. Just Skylanders 24/7. I didn't think this is how it would end...

EDIT:  Now that the day is through, IG lost at least 381 subs. The most he's ever lost in a day, and that doesn't include the YouTube glitch that reduced people's subs to zero, or when YouTube did the account purging. Must be a deeeeep bubble.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

The End is Here! The Story Arc is Over!

Well, this is the end, beautiful friends. After 3 and a half years (really), Irate Gamer’s “epic” story arc, or his movie as he likes to claim, has finally come to an end. This inane storyline has finally reached a conclusion! Hard to believe isn’t it?
What game will the storyline go out on? What grand masterpiece of crap has Bores been saving up for this occasion? It’s… Mighty Morphin Power Rangers for the Sega CD. …. Really? That’s underwhelming,

MMPR on Sega CD is an FMV game that was lost in a sea of Sega CD shitty FMV games. It’s a rhythm/QTE type game where you just match the arrows and buttons on screen while low-res MMPR footage plays in the background.
It’s also one of those dickish games where you have to beat the game on Hard to get the ending. I’ve never played the game, but I can guess that the ending is MMPR Episode 40: Doomsday Part 2. *checks the RangerWiki* Oh look, I was right. Watch that instead of playing this game.
But really, this is the game Chris ends his storyline on? What a complete anti-climax.

*breathes* Enough stalling, let’s do this!

0:00 - 0:36: The video begins once again with the Jason David Frank footage from last time. I’ve already said what I needed to say about that, so moving on.
But before we get to the review, we get a recap! *breathes* Alright, I’m good to go.

0:37 - 1:19: The actual video begins with some terrible acting that even Andrew Gray would laugh at, when the Genie shows up and offers his help. Remember when the Genie was a bastard that was hiding in IG’s Game Genie planning his revenge? Apparently, I’m the only one as clearly Bores has completely forgotten!
So the Genie distracts the giant HAL-bot. I guess my Green Ranger prediction was wrong…

1:20 - 1:51: “If you’re looking for the ultimate Power Rangers game” Stick with the Super Nintendo, it’s an actual game!
He gushes over the fact that the game has actual scenes from the show. I’m sure this was cool in 1995, until everyone realized FMV games were garbage. Now… it’s just a lame relic of a bygone era.
He goes over the controls and we get some shots of him failing.

1:52 - 2:57: We then get a brief shot of Ronnie and IG talking, and Chris shows surprising restraint by not having Ronnie try to crack a joke.
He goes over the Green Ranger levels, and by the end of it the game stops and tells him to play on a higher difficulty. I’m surprised IG even says “if you’ve seen my past videos”, realizing that people do actually pay attention. Unlike Bores himself…
IG complains that he has to start at the beginning of the game, and that it took him 24 minutes to play through the Beginniner Mode. He showcases this with squares surrounding the screen, leading into a pointless Brady Bunch reference, with footage of Alice. And we have more confirmation that this shit is never going to be on DVD.
Wait, if he’s been playing for 24 minutes, does that mean the Genie has been distracting the giant HAL-bot for that long? Jeez, and I thought Troy fighting off the Armada for two hours in SMF Episode 2 was stupid (it made a lot more sense in Gokaiger)

He cries that Super Mario Bros would never do this, and shows the “But Our Princess is in Another Castle” screen. “Oh yeah” … No, these aren’t even remotely the same thing. Forcing you to play on a higher difficulty to get the real ending vs. a misdirection to keep you playing the game on what’s essentially the same difficulty level. Yes it goes up, but that’s called a difficulty curve.
He then says “Fuck you Toadstool” and Toad’s eyes widen. For fuck’s sakes, you still call him Toadstool? That’s wrong you moron! It was always Toad, Princess Peach’s original name was Toadstool. There’s a difference. Also, for some reason he bleeped his f-bomb. Even though f-bombs were uncensored in previous episodes… real consistent movie!

2:58 - 4:20: The next few levels are based on The Green Candle episodes, and the game gets harder for him. He loses and gets the “Continue?” screen, he refuses as he won’t play the game even if the world is at stake. Wise Sage reminds him that it is. I could have seen something work here… *shrugs*

He gets to a level with a Dragonzord fight, does some boring one-liners, and reaches the point where he has to play on Expert Mode to complete the game. And of course, it sends him back to the beginning. Are you really surprised? He does his stupid slack-jaw thing, then rips what I guess is a table out of the ground and throws it through Ronnie, who survives it because he’s already dead. So that table is strong enough to cut bone?

He complains that you don’t play to the intro of the White Ranger (oh, so he does know about that, and this game only covers events from Season 1). Instead it’s a level about “nightmares”. I looked this up, and it’s based on Episode 45: Crystal of Nightmares. This was one of the original, non-Zyuranger episodes they did following Doomsday. Odd choice but whatever.
He makes a comment about a urinal cake and the “Irate-O-Meter” goes up (yeah, this is still here), and the Genie comments that he’s getting tired.

4:20 - 5:08: IG goes on about the difficulty and how your response time needs to be insanely fast, at one point he dies in 10 seconds and… I don’t get this. His jaw drop, and someone says “What is this shit?” Was that supposed to him? Was that supposed to be a reference to Rita’s lips not matching what she’s saying? That really made no sense.
He continues to whine about wasting hours of his free time trying to get through Expert Mode (I guess we’re just pretending that there’s no stupid storyline going on outside?) and he hopes the ending is awesome. Chris, you’ve been doing this long enough to know that the ending is going to be shit. Quit acting surprised every time it happens.
And of course, the ending sucks. It includes the word “Morphenominal”, which pisses him off. He also says “fucking” uncensored during his rant. Are you keeping f-bombs censored or not? This consistency is beyond horrible. How did you even make a career as an editor?

So, that’s the game. Meaning the next 3 minutes or so are the conclusion to this fucking fucked garbage. *sighs* Alright…

The Genie is eventually taken out, saying he’s “down for the count”. For some reason, Not-Wilson repeats that he’s “down for the count”. Attempt at a joke or sloppy writing? You make the call!
Tony informs them the meter is full, so they shoot some lasers at the giant HAL-bot and summon the “Sword of Inferno”. As you probably guessed, it’s really the Godho- I mean the Power Sword. I would love to see Chris attempt to release this on DVD, I could report him to Saban Brands!
As they’re about to slash, IG’s phone rings (Brinstar theme) and it’s a text message from Sgt. Al Powell (fuck you Chris, I refuse to call him Carl). Wait, does this mean the three movie tie-in reviews from 2013 are a part of this “movie“? Despite having NOTHING to do with this overall story? This is a mess…
As the Power Sword charges up, IG gets a visit from his little devil and angel. Soooo are these supposed to be the same ones from the Temple of Doom review? What was the point of their appearance? It would make sense if they appeared more often in the story but… they did not. So this is just fucking random.
They kill the robot and it explodes into more Power Rangers stock footage. Aww, no explosions from your own software Chris?

And so we come to… the cheering scene. For those unaware, a few days ago, Chris asked his Facebook fans (as well as “all the reviewers he knows”) to contribute to a big crowd scene where they all cheered for IG’s victory. I only know a handful of people actually contributed so let’s see how well this went.

First shot: I see the bearded dwarf guy, Goro from Mortal Kombat, the Dr. Mario viruses, Q*bert, a green Bores, a Fry Kid from McDonalds, a fan wearing an IG t-shirt, Bores as a vampire, Bores wearing a Mario hat and his notable white & black shirt (the one from Bores ‘n Doors) and I noticed he’s holding a Poke Ball. Is he supposed to be a Pokemon trainer? Sackboy from LittleBigPlanet, another fan in the background (he’s so blurry), and another Bores off to the right. Not sure who or what he’s supposed to be.

Second shot: Lakitu, Bores wearing a curly wig, a fan with glasses (this might be Steve Masters), an Orko action figure (seriously),  Luigi, what I assume is the Predator, Dr. Bores-sano (he’s wearing goggles), SWAGshow (called it!), Kool-Aid Man, Cousin Joey, Bores wearing a long black wig and a beard, another fan, and ET (the Atari sprite)
We then cut to the base where the Apprentice Sage is clapping while the Sage Elder is not.

Third shot: Good lord this is a clusterfuck… Bores wearing an eye patch and long wig (the Abstergo logo is on this one’s shirt… kay), a version of Bores I’m assuming is supposed to be a little girl (the fuck?), Bores in a cage looking mask, Eric Gaede (ugggggh), Bores wearing a fake mustache, Mario hat, and shirt with an NES controller on it, R.O.B. the Noid, Blinky from Pac-Man, a fan wearing a hat and IG t-shirt, that goblin thing that Bores sometimes uses, a pirate toy, what I assume is a fan in some weird looking mask, Mayor McCheese, and Aladdin.
EDIT: I missed this first time, but a lot of readers brought this up. In the upper left corner, a Bores in a white button-down t-shirt and pair of glasses flipping off the camera. If this is an attempt at getting James Rolfe's attention, this is pretty sad.

You know, a lot of these video game cameos make no sense.

Fourth shot: Bores in a blonde wig and sunglasses, a Psyduck toy (random), TheArchfiend yelling “Fuck you AVGN” (ugggggggggggh, such a hypocrite), Dirk (Ronnie’s brother, and I can’t believe I know that… fuck my life), Eggplant Wizard, some bald fan, Bores in a fisherman’s hat, Bores looking like Gandalf the Gray, Mr. Game & Watch, Bores in a beard, Bores in an eye patch and wig, someone that I’m assuming is Bores’ version of Iceman and the Duck Hunt dog..

Or maybe that wasn’t Iceman above as next we see the “X-Men” in heaven, along with IG’s little angel. What was even the point of the X-Men? To showcase how much of a fucking Marty Stu IG is? … Yeah that actually sounds about right.

Then we cut back to inside the Megazord, where Wise Sage exclaims “Morphenominal” and IG just goes “Really?” I like Wise Sage just putting on his sunglasses, metaphorically giving IG the finger. To be fair, it is a better phrase than “That’s a Super Mega Win”. Have I made it clear that I don’t think too highly of Super Megaforce?

We then cut to the Castle of Evil, where Shadow Overlord yells at Evil Gamer and RED, when the giant HAL-Bot’s head flies down and crushes him. … That’s it? That’s how they’re dealing with the villain? IG didn’t even know who he was! That’s a really fucking lame main villain. We didn’t even get to see him out of the shadows! Unless he was never meant to be out of the shadows… if the long-gone game was anything to go by.
How do Evil Gamer and RED react? They go get some pizza. ……….. Bored.

Then it cuts to Kent Brockman (I now refuse to use his actual name) as he credits to the victory to the Power Rangers. IG gets mad because it wasn’t them, it was the “Irate Gamer Team”. Aren’t you the one that destroyed the robot in the Power Rangers Megazord? I can see why people would be confused by that. If it was your own robot that you made, and Brockman credited the Power Rangers, then maybe that joke could have worked!

So the day is saved thanks to the Powerpuff Girls. Oh sorry, my mind retreated to a show that doesn’t blow ass.
Sage Elder tells them they’re all awesome and he’ll call upon them again if there’s ever any evil. IG declares they’re going to review games again as R.O.B. appears out of nowhere to destroy MMPR on Sega CD.
And in another confirmation that this is likely never going to be on DVD, the ending credits song is When Can I See You Again by Owl City (famously used in Wreck-It Ralph). A song owned by Disney! And we get the credits for the main team, Kent Brockman goes to take a leak, and we see the credits for the cameos. Steve Masters, SWAGshow, TheArchfiend, Geoff the Hero (also known as Geoff Mendicino), Max Medina, Johnny Awesome, and Eric Gaede. Then Chris credits himself with “And a crapload of Chris Bores’s” Ego much?

And for one final stinger, we cut to Hell where Devil Bores is cleaning up when… is that supposed to be a part of the giant HAL-bot? Why would a robot go to hell? Unless it’s Robot Hell from Futurama, but you didn’t establish that Chris! Anyway, it falls into Hell.


First, the review. To be fair, there wasn’t much he could say about this game. It’s a shitty FMV game with a stupid rhythm/QTE mechanic that becomes impossibly hard. *checks for cheat codes* Ah, there’s a Stage Skip cheat, that explains how he got to the end of the game.
But really, if you want a more entertaining review of this game, check out Spoony’s FMV Hell video on it. It’s an old one but still worth watching.

The story part is where it all crashes down. They simply just defeat the giant HAL-bot with the Megazord. If you really wanted to make this big, you would have used the Ultrazord. Get the Dragonzord and Titanus in on it. But that would mean searching for more stock footage outside of the one or two episodes that you used, and that would mean working!
The Shadow Overlord was a terrible villain overall, he did NOTHING! NOTHING! And his defeat was so rushed that Bores would have been better off doing “I’ll get you next time Gadget, next tiiiime!” Sure I would have criticized it, but for different reasons.
Did we learn anything from all this? Was there a lesson? Did anybody grow? NO! This might as well just been a random filler episode of Power Rangers! This storyline was a waste of time! For someone that complains about terrible endings to video games, this itself was a terrible ending. Just like I had predicted.
Wait… where’s the god damn Pixel Demon?! The Silver Surfer episode ended with him coming out of the TV. Where the hell is he? Did Bores just completely forget about him?

I should probably bring up the “cheering scene”. It’s rather telling that Chris only got 7 people  for this, and had to resort to clones of himself, video game sprites and toys to fill out the rest. I heard from an anonymous source that two of the video game reviewers Chris actually asked were Armake21 and PlayItBogart. Two caustic critics that were reasonably popular waaaaaay back in 2006/07, but have since fallen off and stopped (I know Armake has, not sure about PIB). I think it’s rather telling that Chris is so deep in his bubble that he couldn’t ask contemporary reviewers to try this, but people that haven’t been around for years. He could have tried TotalBiscuit, Boogie2988, Angry Joe, ProJared, JonTron, PeanutButterGamer, the Best Friends Zaibatsu,  Kwing, Yuriofwind, ReviewTechUSA (the last three are featured on GotGame! Could have tried that!), The Runaway Guys, The Completionist, Dodger of PressHeartToContinue, Jesse Cox, Egoraptor, even god damn DarkSydePhil! Hell, you could have extended out to non-game reviewers, you could have tried Linkara. Sure, all these people would have likely said no, but the fact is you didn’t try. You didn’t try looking up contemporary talent because you’re stuck in the past. Hell, your “there’s not many of us left” comment shows just how deep in your bubble you really are.

I want to thank you all. Thank you for helping me through all these horrible videos, for reading my terrible jokes and writing, and supporting me through all of this. I really do appreciate it. You guys are the best. Whatever Bores does next, I'll be ready to take it down.

In case you haven’t seen it, I recommend checking out the article from Sunday.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Something I Feel Needs to be Addressed

I wanted to wait a couple more months for this, but the more I thought about it, the more it just angers me, and I need to bring it up here.

Back in January, Justin Carmical AKA JewWario committed suicide. The news shook the gaming community and the internet in general. I still can't believe it myself.

The news even reached Chris Bores' Facebook page, and he actually responded to it. What he said was....

Chris, go fuck yourself. Just... holy crap.

Ignoring the user that had to compliment Bores while also posting the news ("weren't nearly as good as yours" THAT DOESN'T MATTER), what Bores said was just insanely inappropriate.

How hard is it to say "I can't say I've heard of him, but my condolences to his family". I wouldn't have even said anything, just a little remark that I'm not surprised you never heard of him.
But no, you have to shove religious nonsense in it about how he's going to suffer in the afterlife and won't find peace. Do you know what we call people that shove their religious beliefs into the most mundane things, we call them assholes!

I'm just... I can't believe he said that.

And another thing. "There aren't that many of us left" Are you serious? There's a TON of gamers on YouTube, it's one of the most popular mediums on the site. Just because you don't know about them doesn't mean they're not there. Maybe if you left your tiny little bubble and actually made some connections with people, then maybe people would respect you more. Maybe people wouldn't call your videos shit, and maybe you'd actually have a consistent schedule instead of waiting months at a time and releasing filler of a toy that very few of your fans actually care about.

Justin, wherever you are, just know that you'll always have people that loved you.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

So Much For Listening to Criticism...

Chris, I give you one of the rare, rare, rare moments where I actually praise you for doing something right, and what do you do with that? You screw it up! You throw it right out the window!

What was the point of creating a separate channel specifically for Skylanders material, if you're just going to post Skylanders videos on your main channel?! The channel isn't even a month old! Were you hoping it would get more subscribers? According to Socialblade, you have zero! I'm not kidding, I typed in "TheSkylanderC" and it told me "TheSkylanderC requires atleast 5 Subscribers to be added. User only has 0 subscribers."
Granted, that might be wrong as I did see people comment that they did subscribe. Still, it seems like the sub numbers are less than 100 (for a main channel with over 148k, that's beyond sad).

There's a theory going around that he's ignoring the channel because people that search "TheSkylanderC" in YouTube also see "LadyBuggin777" in the related channels, but that seems like a stretch to me.

How are the fans reacting to the video? They are pissed! More dislikes than likes, and way more negative comments. People are unsubbing left and right, and it only makes Chris look worse and worse. What a moron.

In other Skylanders related crap, Chris posted on his site that he got some "Skylanders 4" card, and to "check back later this week". I did some digging (and by digging, I found a thread on NeoGAF) and the card is a personalized invite to the unveiling of the next game in New York City.
Brian Crecente of Polygon got one:
I imagine Chris' card has Richard Horvitz mocking him as well (this is a real waste of his talent Activision!)

UPDATE: Bores posted two new Skylanders videos, and they're on both channels. Why upload to the main channel if they're on the side channel too?
The dislikes speak volumes about this. Organize your crap Bores!

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

He Finally Listened! A Separate Skylanders Channel

*clap clap clap* Well done Bores, after months of downvotes and people yelling that they're sick of this crap and nobody watching the videos, you actually listened to the fans. You made a separate Skylanders channel where all your stupid Skylanders videos will go and not bother the few fans you have left.

All his Skylanders stuff has been moved to "TheSkylanderC" (I would have gone with "IGSkylanders" but apparently I don't know anything) and will not be covered on this blog because fuck that noise.
Though I will say his banner is just awful. It's a picture of him holding up a couple figures while he makes this really horrid face. What expression is that even supposed to be?

Still, good job Bores, you actually made a little bit of progress towards professionalism. Does this mean the subscribers will come back to his channel? Pahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahaha. Yeah, I don't see much change happening, just that there won't be any Skylanders videos. If anything, there will be even longer breaks between videos since Bores won't post a filler Skylanders video to "make up" for the lack of content.

And before you say it, I don't think this is an April Fool's prank.