Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Baseball Cards Are Not An Exciting Topic for a Video

Just because Chris has retired the Irate Gamer (and I’m starting to think he confused “retired” with “hiatus”), doesn’t mean I’m done mocking his videos. Far from it.

If you wanted to ask Chris if he truly did retire, Facebook is not the way to go. He’s disabled the ability for friends/fans to post on his timeline. I wonder why…
Or maybe Chris is trying to become an actor now, reporting that he was on the set of a horror movie coming in 2015. It will probably suck. Do you think the other guy has something to do with this? …. *shrugs*

Anywho, there’s a new 80s video up! Huzzah…
Today he’s going to cover… the hell is this? “Looney Tunes Comic Ball Baseball Cards”. Were Looney Tunes and baseball ever a thing? I know Looney Tunes and basketball were, Space Jam exists. Hmm… I’ll do my research when I find out what this is.

“The latest installment of this crazy series!” If by crazy you mean boring, then most certainly.

0:00 - 0:14: We get our intro, and what Chris is referring to is “Comic Ball Cards”. Oooh, those. Yeah those… I remember my dad collected DC Comic themed ones. Odd toy to make a video about…

0:14 - 0:54: Upper Deck was formed, modern baseball stock footage, modern business meeting stock footage (hiding their faces doesn’t hide the fact this footage was made recently)…
“Looney Tunes and baseball” You mean the MLB?
He explains more about them, how they got Chuck Jones to draw the cards… very generic history stuff.
IG tries to exclaim “they’re grrreat“, when Tony the Tiger appears out of nowhere and says it instead. What does this have to do with the subject at hand? ………….
Then IG attacks him. Oh please, Tony the Tiger would end your ass. He can play every sport nigh-perfectly, he is a champion mascot! You can’t even beat most games without cheating.

0:54 - 1:19: He brings up that the best way to read the “story” is to put them in card sleeves in binders, and if you’re missing one then it will “drive you mad”. This is shown by IG turning into the Hulk… smash his table (which is pound his fist once and the table disappears) then suddenly Gleek from the Super Friends appears….. REFERENCES BY THEMSELVES AREN’T JOKES! There is no joke from having Gleek appear out of nowhere!

1:20 - 1:49: He mentions how the cards had the Looney Tune greats, and notes the “longest story” involved Charlie the Dog, which apparently pisses him off. Who the fuck cares?
He’s about to say it’s “almost criminal” but then gets interrupted by Cookie Crook (the second Cookie Crisp mascot) and IG attacks him. Is this the Rule of Three gag for the video? Random cereal mascots interrupt him and he attacks them? Where is the sense in this? Did the cards come in cereal? Because I know they didn’t. … Even the writers of Family Guy would tell Chris to tone it down.

1:50 - 2:42: IG lists off some of his favorite “stories” (yawn), there’s a shot of him feigning enjoyment from reading (I am just baffled really…) and mentions the rare foil cards and how getting them all… makes you “super awesome”. Cue a stupid sketch!
It’s Kid Bores, and he collected all the foil ones. Then IG says Upper Deck released the full set with all the foil cards and then a bunch of other Kid Bores walk saying they got them all too. No word on how doing that diminished the cards value? Oh right, you know nothing about economics.

2:42 - 3:05: He brings up Series 2, and notes how this one combined the Looney Tunes with real MLB players. He does a bad set-up of “how crazy would that be” (the camera is set up so something will appear) and surprisingly Bugs Bunny in a baseball uniform shows up. Holy crap, a random guest that actually has something to do with what he’s talking about! But then he immediately ruins it when Bugs asks “expecting a different bunny?” and the Energizer Bunny appears… Always have to snuff the praise Chris. Like a candle.

3:06 - 3:40: Series 2 fixed issues he had with Series 1 (which he claims to be the issues of “many people” but “citation needed”) and noted that there was a set of puzzle cards. Then we get a joke of him trying to “decipher” one and it’s a picture saying “Ur a Screwball” (with the screwball being a picture). I’ll give this credit in that it’s actually a Looney Tunes joke, not random unrelated garbage.
He mentions that the stories added Nolan Ryan and Reggie Jackson as “an attempt to appeal to kids”. Uhh, aren’t the funny cartoon animals already the thing to appeal to kids? Pretty sure the addition of Ryan and Jackson are there for people that like baseball, of all ages. I think you have that backwards.
Then a bit with Kid Bores getting excited over a Nolan Ryan card, but then asks “Who’s that?” I can’t find the joke, is it supposed to imply kids don’t know who that is? Because if kids were collecting these, chances are they were baseball fans along with Looney  Tunes fans. Maybe this is just how Bores saw it as he probably only cared for the funny cartoon animals?

3:40 - 4:19: IG mentions that Chuck Jones didn’t do the art for Series 2, leading to a scene of Chuck Jones getting thrown out of the Upper Deck offices and the guy calling him a “bum”. Screw you Chris, Chuck Jones was a legend. I’m sure there’s a reason he didn’t do the second set, lack of money, lack of time, other commitments. Upper Deck throwing him out was very likely NOT a reason. Show some respect!
With Series 2’s “artistic makeover” (it looks similar…), he felt it was “lackluster” compare to the first. This causes Bugs to faint, IG to call out for a “doctor in the house” and… Dr. Phil appears. … WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT?!
He then mentions some of the stories that he liked.

4:20 - 5:12: Onto Series 3! He lists some of the MLB stars featured, including Ken Griffey, Sr. and Ken Griffey, Jr. But then he does a terrible joke with Ken Griffey Sophomore, Ken Griffey Freshmen, and Ken Griffey and the Tonight Show Band. Ugggggggggggggggggggh.
Chuck Jones returned for another set, leading to another “Upper Deck throws him out” scene. What do you have against Chuck Jones? This isn’t funny at all.
He mentions the stories aren’t memorable either… zzzzzz *slaps* I’m up!

5:13 - 6:20: There was one last series involving the NFL, IG skips over it as he didn’t like it, then another similar series called “Adventures in Toon World” involving Michael Jordan and the Looney Tunes, he mentions how this lead into Space Jam (with footage from the movie), and then a weird scene where he’s watching the movie on a “card”, then tries to sell it to a comic book dealer who finds a “microscopic crease” and only offers $2 dollars. Still bored…

Onto the verdict!
Nostalgic value, pain finding all of them, duplicates… gets a rating of “Mediocre”. Is there something lower than that Chris?

Then the video ends with…. Fuuuuuuck.
The video ends with Lionel Richie crashing through the ceiling and standing on it. You can clearly tell it’s just Bores with Richie’s face imposed over it (would this be considered blackface?) and IG says “If you can’t beat em, join em” and joins Richie on the ceiling as they dance to his notable song “Dancing on the Ceiling”. Then a bunch of other Bores come out, two of which I think are Evil Gamer and Not-Wilson. ……. LUCKILY THERE’S A FAMILY GUY! LUCKY THERE’S A MAN WHO POSITIVELY CAN DO ALL THE THINGS THAT MAKE US *slaps* Sorry, I lost my sanity there.

An odd mixture of boring and painfully stupid.
I wanted to do more research on these cards, but I really couldn’t find any info. Bores was probably the same as this felt very generic. The most we got was “There were multiple series, Chuck Jones did a couple of them, here are some of my favorites, now have a bunch of random shit”. So really, the history part was just blah and zzzzz
The jokes on the other hand, holy fuck they were annoying. Once again, references by themselves are not jokes. You have to make them work into the narrative or script. Randomly throwing them in there doesn’t automatically make them funny. I’ll at least give props for only doing the “attacking mascot” thing twice. But that’s stretching it thin.

I wonder if Bores will ever address his claim that he’s retired. I mean, if he really was, he would make a video about it on YouTube, not quietly place it on his biography where few people tread.

I want to see Bores try to release this episode on DVD with the Space Jam footage and the Lionel Richie song. Given the use of Power Rangers footage on the last DVD, it’s clear he doesn’t give a crap.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Bores "Retired" the Irate Gamer. Hold On, What?!

As you know, it's been three months since Bores posted the "story arc" finale. A lot of his fans thought that this was the end. Bores clarified that it was "only on break".
On Facebook, he said that it's "not in the schedule" as he does other things.

Well apparently, both of those were lies as his biography tells a different story! Thanks to Neptunia Gamer for finding this out.

The last passage is all new.
By 2014, Chris has become a popular interviewer covering video game events like E3, turned theirategamer.com into a pop culture news site, and released a groundbreaking documentary called “Pursuit of the Paranormal” where a 90 minute conversation with a spirit was obtained.
So we're just pretending all those other interviews didn't happen? Also, the only video game event you cover is E3, don't claim you cover "events" plural. No, a Skylanders reveal doesn't count, that's just ONE game.
"Pop culture news site" A new site that cares less about news and more about random bullshit Chris finds.
Oh look, the "90 minute conversation" claim again. Quit claiming that when the movie itself is only 54 minutes long!
Currently, Chris has retired the Irate Gamer Show and spends his spare time working on further episodes of History of Video Games, Irate the 80’s and decoding the afterlife through his Pursuit of the Paranormal Case Study.
There it is. He has "retired" the Irate Gamer Show. Right there, clear as crystal, signed, sealed and delivered!

There is a positive. It means less shit from him. But the negatives far outweigh the positives. His already dwindling fanbase is going to plummet into negative numbers, most of his fans only care for the retro reviews so to hear that he's abandoning them only hastens his internet death.
Sure, he has more 80s videos planned, and I know some consider them "tolerable". But let's be real, the annoying sketches, stupid obscure references, and blatant research failure only make it look worse.
And I love how he claims he's doing more History of Video Games. GIVE IT UP CHRIS! Nobody believes you're an expert! Especially the way you suck Activision's dick for a toy based game. Hell, reading your blog shows you care more for toys than you do video games. Why should people believe you?
Speaking of Skylanders, funny how his biography completely neglects to mention that. Hmmmmm.

Either way, if his "retirement" is true, I can only foresee a swift demise. Any possible money won't be enough to recuperate the time taken.
I know his fans read this blog. I know they will be angry once this gets posted. Whatever happens... *sits back* I'll be watching.

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Once More Unto the Updates

Hm? Bores uploaded new videos?
*checks* Two Skylanders videos... of course. What was even the point of the second channel?
Funny thing about that, my Facebook informant found a comment from Bores saying that he plans to close the channel as he "has no idea how it works", claiming that he tried to post the E3 videos but they're "stuck in limbo". I have absolutely no idea what this means, and I haven't heard anyone else have this problem.
I think the real answer is that he's too lazy to run two channels and would rather have everything on one easy channel for the "views". It's not like the views are that good though, despite his delusional belief that the Skylanders videos do better than everything else. Is that why your subs dropped again? Why most of the comments are people complaining about this?
Bores clearly doesn't care.
One of the comments on the new videos was from a 14 year old kid that claimed to have been watching him for 7 years. Yeah, a 7 year old watching IG.... where were the parents?
Outside of that, even he was tired of all the Skylanders content. You see what you've done Chris?

Also, Bores claimed something that I'm having trouble believing. He claims he saw more of the game than he was allowed to and the Activision PR was "going crazy" when they saw how far he got. I don't believe that. Why would Activision have an E3 demo with material that the public isn't allowed to see? Normally an E3 demo is composed of material they've prepared, usually 2 or 3 levels. What I think really happened is that Bores was spending too much time playing the demo and wasn't allowing anyone else a turn, hence why the PR "went crazy". Maybe that's why he barely covered any other games, like Smash Bros. 4.

Oh and as for something that's actually IG related? Bores claimed on Facebook that it won't be for a while as he's focusing on 80s and History of Video Games (just kill this series Bores, nobody cares anymore). He also has more ghost crap planned. For who? Who is watching the ghost crap? Are you pandering to the voices in your head?

Now... I have some bad news myself.
I know I'm barely posting here, and I know some of you are screaming for a Redux Recap. Well... there isn't going to be anymore Redux Recaps.
I just don't have the energy or the patience to look back into the past. Every time I think of possibly doing one, I feel sick. I'm sorry, but you'll have to be more patient for new content now. Whenever Bores himself posts new content.

That's it. Hmm, I wonder if there's any good material on his site.
"21 Cat EPIC FAILS Animated Gif Gallery"
Well that doesn't scream desperation at all. I thought the bubble he lived in was bad before but DAMN, posting cat GIFs like its something new.