Monday, February 9, 2015

Coin Opereated Stupidity

A new History video is already out, and it didn’t take a year and a half to do so. Instead, it’s nearly 3 months. The video itself is only 6:15 long. More assurance that he is NEVER going to reach the NES.

This episode will cover “Atari vs. Midway” and “Space Invaders” going by the title. As well as a bunch of other games going by the description.

I want to mention that throughout the entire video, there is an annoying URL watermark in the bottom right. If he really thinks people want to steal this… he is more deluded than I thought.

0:04 - 0:57: The video begins in “1978” (again, modern stock footage) and the “rut” arcades were going through. With RCA bowing out, leaving only Atari and Midway. I’d like a source on RCA leaving the market, or if they were even in the arcade market as I know of the RCA Studio II (which was discontinued in 1979).
He says the first game of the year, in January, was Midway’s “Clowns”. The only source I could find for this was a catalog dated January 1978 (seen here:
Basically, he reviews the game. One of his clowns misses and “dies”, prompting a poorly drawn ambulance to drive on screen and Bores in the back of it. Near the end of the segment his clown goes all over the place, leading to Bores to appear in the game again and get hit by the clo- ugh, not even a minute in and the annoying sketches are everywhere.

0:58 - 1:23: Next he looks at Atari’s “Avalanche”. Once again, he states the obvious about the game getting harder as it goes on (how ANYONE takes him seriously I will never get). He loses, yells, and a picture of snow falls on him because “Avalanche”. It wasn’t funny with the bananas in 2010, and it’s still not funny here.

1:24 - 2:15: Next up is Atari’s “Fire Truck”. Since it’s a co-op only game, we get a bit with two Bores. You know, this is just getting really sad now. People unfamiliar with Bores would look at this and the last video and wonder what kind of lonely weirdo he was.
Terrible banter, they lose, one tells the other to “go play in traffic”, somehow leading to the other to get hit by a fire truck “indoors”. THIS ISN’T FUNNY!
Also, no mention on the single-player version of this game? Smokey Joe?

2:16 - 2:47: The summer brought on sequels. Again, I think Bores’ source on these release dates are old arcade manuals. He really should cite these, it would add some weight.
Midway released “Sea Wolf II”, which is the same game as the first but in color. Instead of “hippie Bores” like the Pong consoles, the Arcade cabinet just explodes set to Roger Daltrey’s “Won’t Get Fooled Again” scream. Hooray, more copyrighted material that Bores legally can’t put on DVD, but he will because he is an idiot!
Atari released “Super Breakout”, which has more rows of blocks coming down the longer you play. Leading to a gag where these same blocks start falling on Bores. Is over yet?

2:48 - 3:29: Bores goes over some other games from the time. Atari’s Skydiver, Midway’s Blue Shark, and then Atari’s Orbit, a remake of Computer Space. Though, I can’t find anything that supports this, he probably just said that because the games look similar. That and he could recycle the old Spacewar gag from the first video! He even does the same scream! You’re only 7 videos in and you’re already out of material?

3:30 - 3:55: Namco enters the picture, which is the right time as this was the year they released their first Arcade game, which is Gee Bee. All Bores says about is that it’s not to be confused with the Bee Gees, with more copyrighted music!
“Video game maker Growlow” Video game maker what now? He was trying to say “Gremlin” but somehow muffled it up. This is why second takes exist.
Anyway, he brings up their game, “Frogs”. With a gag about swatting at “pompous Englishman”. This is the source of that fuzzy wig and beard picture he posted on Facebook. All dressed up for a pointless gag. Oh and his English accent is dreadful, but are you surprised?

3:56 - 5:35: Come October, Atari would release “Football”, which was popular. There’s a gag where “Coach Bores” yells at giant X’s meant to represent the X’s in the game. As Bores explains the game might be the most popular of the season, we cut to him in arcade as the camera starts shaking, different Bores and Ronnie (the fuck?) start running around, leading into Space Invaders.
Now, there’s a shot here of the Space Invaders flying over a city that actually looks decent, which makes me believe that this isn’t something Bores made. It looks like the work of someone else.
He briefly reviews the game, complains about getting harder (of course), dies, says it’s too much pressure and his head explodes. Whoever told him that his head exploding was funny, you were wrong, you were so very very very wrong. It’s just pointless and annoying.

He mentions the infamous coin shortages in Japan, then provides “fast fact” about the game being made by Taito and Midway merely licensed it. Not sure why that’s a side-note, it’s probably one of the most important factors to the game’s success. Bringing it overseas so everyone can play it.

Arcades were taking over, Space Invaders changed things, Midway is awesome blah blah blah.
Next episode is about the Odyssey 2. Oh joy, more HAL 9000 bullshit.

What was even the point of that? Those were barely reviews, and again the jokes were just painful. It really does feel like he cares more for stupid Family Guy jokes than actual history.

Seriously though, if his next video is only about the Odyssey 2 and takes at least 4-5 months to get here, he is never going to finish this. He really should just cut his losses and go back to doing want his few remaining fans want. Because I know the new influx he got only like him because “he’s not James Rolfe”.

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Status Update February 3rd 2015

My informant showed me a new picture Bores posted to one of his Facebooks. It's from the next History of Video Games. It's Bores in some game (I can't tell which one) flipping the bird at dots above him. ... Again, how is this "educational"?

He also says the video is almost finished. That could mean it could come out in the next couple days or next week. I don't know with Bores.

I bring this up because tomorrow, I'm getting surgery done and will be out of commission for a few days. So if Chris posts the video during that time, I won't be able to properly do a post about it.

That is all.